02x18 - Turning the Table

[bunniefuu]

What's Kaiser doing up there?

Just promote the fight, not yourself!

I appreciate you coming tonight, Retsu.

I knew I was taking a gamble

when I announced to the crowd
you were up next.

I was kind of freaking out,
to tell you the truth!

If I had introduced you,
and then you hadn't shown up,

these lunatic fans,
they would've torn me limb from limb!

So I owe you one for sure!

Hey!

What the hell are you doing
in this ring, Kaiser?

This ring is not the place for you.
This ring is for fighters!

You hear that sound, Kaiser?

I think you ought to get lost

before I throw your sorry a*s
to that crowd!

You're angry with the wrong person.

You, a former world champion
and in every way still a huge superstar,

the great Andrei Valev!

You who in this very ring achieved
your 31st knockout victory!

Everyone here today celebrates you!

Everyone that is, except this man!

He only wants to insult
and humiliate you, Champ!

In fact, it's not just you he's after!

He wants to insult you
and the whole world of boxing!

- Hmm?
- Oh, come on!

He's half my size, and he's broken!

How's little pegleg gonna insult me?

Hmm.

There's an old Japanese saying I heard.

It translates, "The bigger the man,
the smaller the brain is."

We get this, while you Americans don't.

So with your limited intellect,
you only see the body as a mass of muscle.

Our technique has been nurtured
for 4,000 years.

You cannot grasp it.

I see what happened.

You thought this was
amateur wrestling night!

You'll find your childish insults
won't have any effect here.

Retsu, let's start
with a demonstration of your skills.

To you, I realize this sort of thing is
nothing more than a stupid parlor trick.

But, you see, it's easy
for the Americans to understand.

Just to give them a little taste
of your vast technique.

Seriously, Kaiser?

I thought you said you were promoting
a legitimate event tonight.

Do you really think
that by destroying this

I'm going to impress anyone?

Huh?!

Isn't there something else here?

Something that's larger,
preferably tougher,

and is far more worthy of being destroyed?

Well, I uh...

I started my career
punching out so-called "karate experts."

So if you want, I'd be glad to fight you
right now, bare-knuckled, Retsu.

Kick his a*s, Valev!

Knock his freaking block off!

How the hell'd he do that?!

He didn't break 'em.

He completely disintegrated 'em!

This will be w*r!

It's the Dragon versus Goliath!

The greatest and most glorious match
in history!

An unprecedented contest for the ages!

Mr. Retsu! Can you tell us a few things
about your history and your career?

I'll try. But I'm not a storyteller.

At age four, I entered Bailin Temple.

I started training. I continue training.

And, uh, what's your fight history?

I don't have an actual record.

All of my fights
have been unofficial ones.

Well, then,
what's your record in unofficial fights?

I've never counted any of them.

Not the ones I've won,
nor the ones I've lost.

What were the rules of those fights?

Meaning?

Well, did these fights adhere
to the rules of boxing?

Fighting is only ruled
in terms of winning and losing.

Do you mean they were more like
the rules in Muay Thai or MMA?

MMA?

None of the fights that I've been in
were governed by rules.

Rather,

they were about seeing who was stronger.

May I ask what happened to your right leg?

I lost it in a fight
I had with a friend of mine.

Did he say friend?

These kinds of things happen.

You have to accept
that it's what fights are all about.

I have a question for Mr. Kaiser.

What will the rules be
for this next fight?

Two fearsome fighters will compete
using the power of their fists.

Those are the only rules!

In that case,
wouldn't you say that's just boxing?

Hmm.

I'll let you boys decide about all that.

You can call it what you like.

This Is simply an exhibition, after all.

You call it an exhibition,

but is it when one of them
is a former world champion?

Look, I'm just a humble promoter
trying to make a living.

If the matchup is to your liking,
then here it is.

This one's an epic fight
between two beasts.

If you wanna watch it,
then please be my guest.

Ahh!

So, you're gonna get into the ring
with Valev himself, huh?

Your debut's against a former world champ!

Ahh.

Pretty ballsy, Retsu.

And disrespectful.

What do you mean by that?

You're disrespecting all of boxing.

Your entire career
is just two sparring matches.

But I guess you think
you're a world champion now,

all of a sudden.

Hmm.

Hey, I know!

I'll try to get one punch in.
See if this old man...

Hai!

Whoa, what do ya know? What up, Bruce Lee?

Look, you can't even see a punch

coming from a former boxer
who retired ten years ago!

That's how quick a jab
from a boxer's gonna hit you!

If that had been from Valev,
you'd be dead!

Withdraw from this fight.

That would be the polite way
to treat the former champion.

We got no reason
to stay here in Vegas another day.

We'll take a flight home tomorrow.

And it'll serve Kaiser right
if we leave him hanging.

He's a lousy, two-bit,
shyster promoter anyway,

What... what the hell?

I'm sorry.

When you punched me,

I reflexively dislocated your wrist.

You mean you saw the punch coming?

Yes. But I didn't try
to dodge or block it.

You've been in the boxing business now
for a long time.

Your anger is perfectly reasonable.

That punch was a just punishment
for my having hurt your feelings.

However,

I ask that you also try to understand

my feelings toward the martial arts.

Uh.

Well, it is just an exhibition.

Go ahead and fight, then!

Thank you!

Get him, Chinese Dragon!

Chinese kung fu rules!

Sea King! Sea King!

As he entered the ring,
Retsu was perplexed.

This was his first time fighting
purely for the public's entertainment.

It was incomprehensible,

baffling, nonsensical!

The very concept
of fighting as entertainment

was alien to him.

Why is Valev
roaring like a madman?

- Is he pretending to be angry with me?
- I'll k*ll him!

He must be doing this
to make it more entertaining.

Is it really necessary
to go to that extreme?

Are you ready for showtime?!

Tonight, the great
People's Republic of China

bares its fangs to the world
and sends forth its champion!

What a charade.

None of these trappings
are required for a fight.

...expanding their influence
over the sports world.

Even the spectators are acting.
Just playing a role.

Hi-yah!

You think you can win?

Bring it on, or die trying!

All riiight!

Kick the crap outta that freak!

Even that move was just for show.

He knew he wasn't in range
to hit me with that kick.

Lets go!

Yeah!

Are you ready, Retsu?

Because playtime is all over with now.

Hmph.

Let's fight clean!

Those shenanigans
were all part of the act.

But I won't be acting anymore.

Okay, Retsu.

Just try not to die right away.

- Yeah!
- Hmm?

How the hell
does he move so fast?

He's over seven and a half feet tall.

And he weighs nearly 335 pounds.

That's some good footwork,
for such a massive man.

Like I figured,

his fighting power
isn't just his terrific size.

So in that case...

- Huh?!
- Huh?!

You fool! What the hell are you doing?

He's squatting in the corner!

Is he just gonna chicken out?!

You've put yourself
into a corner while facing me.

You've chosen to put yourself

into the most dangerous spot
in the boxing ring.

Even with your rudimentary knowledge
of the sport,

you must know what that means.

Hey, you! Get back on your feet!

Stand up and fight!

You can't sit down in here!

What do you mean
when you say "stand" exactly?

Because I am definitely not seated.

Though my hips are low,
I am still quite clearly standing.

And why are you telling me
that I have to fight?

Huh? Why?!

I'm not going to do it.

I'm not about to fight Valev at all.

I have no intention of punching
or of being punched by him.

So, you're giving up the fight already?

Quitting without even
throwing a single jab?!

No, I will win this fight.

But yes, without throwing a single jab.

Please just step aside, Mr. Referee.

A punch or two ought to shut this guy up.

Very well. Lets fight!

The giant Valev was delighted.

Here he had encountered a fighting style

he had never before seen or even imagined.

Nonetheless, he was supremely confident.

Because he was certain that, in a moment,
he was going to destroy it!

No-Inch Punch.

The last thing Valev saw
was a single photographer.

Come on in, my friend,

Sea King Retsu!

This is your cut of the profit
from last night's fight,

thanks to that super technique of yours!

This is all mine?

What you did in one single match

has overnight made you the most famous
Chinese person in the United States.

My staff has been overwhelmed
with requests for more appearances.

It's no surprise.
Everyone all over the country saw it!

The motionless glove

that suddenly smashed
right through his face!

How are you feeling right now?

It was clear what was going to happen.

All I did was demonstrate
the superiority of kung fu.

With your final blow,

it seemed like you were already in contact
and there was no actual movement!

Musunkei.

Also sometimes called the "No-Inch Punch."

It was amazing!

If you say so.

Martial arts here
are still very undeveloped.

I hope to show you
other mature fighting skills,

with whoever you have who is worthy.

With that one comment, you turned
the whole boxing world against you.

Isn't it working out just like I told you?

Man, you're gonna be swimming
in Greenbacks here pretty soon!

And you're gonna be meetin'
some pretty scary monsters too!

But in the meantime,
here, take this money and enjoy it!

Just how much is it?

In dollars, two million.

By weight, it's just shy of 44 pounds.

Put it in that briefcase over there.
It ought to fit just right.

I see.

I don't know exactly
by what means this wealth was created,

but if you want me to have it,
then I will.

One other question.

Huh?

What are those filthy boots doing
next to my money?

Huh?

Don't tell me what to do.

You will put the money into the case,
and then you will hand it to me.

If you don't,

then I'll shatter
those rude, nasty feet of yours.

Thank you.

I had a car sent for you too.

I appreciate it.

Would you like something to drink, sir?

Brandy, perhaps?

No. Oolong tea.

Sorry, sir. I don't have that.

I do have some instant coffee...

What are these limousines
good for, anyway?

Huh?

Oh no! Now?

Okay, but I'm not ready!
I'm... I'm gonna need another cup.

But would he really

just show up out of the blue?

He's never been here before!

Not even once!

Oh, he's close.
I can tell he's close.

He's really close! Sixty feet.

No. No, even closer. Thirty feet.

Wait. Closer still!?

Don't tell me
he's already at the front door?

No, no, no.
He can't have gotten that far.

Well, hello there. Welcome.

Here. It's Blue Mountain.

Isn't this a surprise?

I had a hunch that you might show up.

That's why I made two cups.

Shows we're related. Right?

Whoa! He's actually drinking my coffee!

Uh, you want any sugar?

Is this it?

Sorry?

Is this
the father-son relationship you're after?

Well, yeah.

I guess this is about right.

Is it gonna happen?

Am I finally gonna turn the tables on him?

Are you frightened of your father?

In my whole life,
there's never been a single second

that I haven't been afraid of my dad,
the great Yujiro Hanma.

Simple fear.

Sheer terror.

Admiration,

adoration,

and respect.

At times,

I've even detested you.

Well,

if you detest me, then why not let it out?

Ah, come on, Dad.

You and I are father and son!

That's just nuts.

And besides,
even if I did decide to fight you,

it wouldn't be in a match.

With both of us training,
and getting into shape for it.

Then facing off at some arbitrary time?

Ridiculous.

Wouldn't it be far more likely
that one day.

living our lives as father and son,

some silly little thing,

something completely trivial happens
and gets us into a petty argument?

Eventually, that turns into a fight.

And finally, the hatred
we've been suppressing bubbles up.

I see.

I agree.

That makes sense.

It may be just as you say.

By the way, son...

Don't tell me this is the moment?

What the hell's wrong with you

that you'd serve your own father
a cup of crappy coffee like that?!

Huh?

Man, that happened fast!

There it is!

A flash point caused
by an unusually trivial event.

I am very sorry, father!

You went to the trouble
to come all the way here,

and I had the nerve
to serve you terrible coffee.

If you can forgive me, father,
I'll never do that again.

Yeah, let's just drop the act.

I know you were faking, Dad.

Good job seizing on a trivial issue,
but it can't be just some made-up problem.

See,
you drank the coffee in two gulps.

So it couldn't have been too bad.

You were lying.

Hmm.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

This family bonding stuff
doesn't interest me in the least,

and it never has.

That's all there is to it.

Well, father.

I want you to make me some coffee.

Come on. That'd be a really nice thing.

Don't you think so?

Coffee made by you?

You can have coffee made by Yujiro.

No problem.

Just one thing you have to do.

You wanna know what?

You have to force me to make it.

You have to grab the reluctant
Yujiro Hanma by the scruff of his neck!

And force him to make it!

If he refuses,

then you slap him, knock him down,
punch him till he submits!

And you don't let up

until he gives!

You leave him no choice.

You'll have to use sheer force,
like you're tearing a tree in two.

If you can do that, Baki,

he might even cook rice for ya!

The tea table
torn into four pieces,

along with the words of his father,

he turned these over in his mind.

Well, that was easy.

What is this I'm feeling? Relief?

Baki was astonished.

Because when Yujiro Hanma,
the man Baki knew he must overcome,

finally left...

...Baki felt a clear sense of relief.

Father, wait!

What now?

More coffee?

No. Um, my door.

Hmm?

Don't slam it like that.

Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't.

And then, inside his mind,

Baki heard himself
telling his father to come back,

and to close the door gently this time.

But he knew telling his father that
would be going too far.

This? This was taking it just far enough.

Huh.

That's my dad for ya.

Oh, well.

If nothing else,

we're off to a great start.