01x05 - O-o-h Child

[bunniefuu]

Hold on, brother.

I just
hear humming, man.

Mom.

"O-o-h Child."

My little bedside song.

Stay here, man.

Stay here. Here? Big deal.

What's here?

The only thing they
can say about me, man,

after a whole life...

"He slept with a thousand women.

And men."

I'm coming, Mom.

Stay here, Nico. The
ambulance is flying in.

It's not even true.

I only slept with 999.

A thousand. I'm one away.

So they can't even
say that about me.

Mills...

Want to make love?

With you?

Oh, yeah.

You're dying.

That's what I'm saying.

I can round that number
off. That's something.

In my whole life.

Maybe, you know, stop
it with the buttons.

Where is this ambulance?

Yeah, I'm... I'm talking crazy.

I didn't mean to make it
all awkward there, partner.

No, it's no problem.

Let's just, you know,
stop it with the buttons.

Got it. But you're
still doing it.

Yeah. All right.

Okay, just hang on, Nico.

I can't... I can't
lose you, too,

because if I do, I'm

I'm going lime.

I'm going deep lime.

I just got nothing
here at the end, Mills.

You know that song?

"O-o-h Child"?

Yeah. Sure.

Hum it to me, man.

Can you do that?

That's something.

Yeah, Nico.

Thanks, brother.

Detective coming
through. Coming through!

Detective coming through.

Narrator: While his partner's
life hangs in the sky,

Mills hustles back to the
scene of that heavy g*nsh*t

to kick up dust.

You'll see.

Nixons? What's
going on with you?

I got to pay a guy
to get on the subway.

He doesn't work for the city.

I-I got to pay some guy

just so I can get into
a bodega to get Mentos.

Then I have to give him like
two Mentos on the way out.

Hey, Gail! It's really
nice to see you.

Who was that?

That's your uncle.

That's my sister,
Detective Gail Smith.

It's been a peculiar
couple of days.

Cops lost, Mom.

It's the way it is.

You pay for any peace now,

here with money or Mentos
or being in the Nixons.

Remember this place?

The fire escape where
big trouble started

for Little Grace,

and the very spot
Nico started climbing

before his awful surprise.

Mills is going to finish that
long climb and find out why.

And the shot just ripped totally
through this guy's spine.

Get up against the wall.

Gail: Does the dad know?

No, not yet. He's a sensualist.

I don't know if he's going
to be in the picture much.

Well, you've had
12 months to tell

13. I started my
quintmester this morning.

This kid won't show up.
I swear it knows, Gail.

Knows what? That I'm a freak.

I count my footsteps.

I write songs on the spot
called, like, "Stove."

And I sing them as I
move around my apartment.

Is it Nico?

Yeah.

Maybe tell him. Yeah?

You never know where
the good dads come from.

He may have it in him.

Oh. Ohh.

Eww. Eww, eww, eww.

No.

I'm asking you where
you were 30 minutes ago.

'Cause why?

Because a cop was
shot coming up here.

Heh heh. What's
so funny?

We got an alibi. A sweet one.

What's so sweet about it?

We were with the deputy
mayor, Jeff Thumb.

What? What were
you doing with him?

He runs a community outreach,

helping g*ng members
go all straight.

We're straight, man.

What is in here?

Nothing hard.
Friendship bracelets.

Very glad you visited, Jeff.

And I'm excited about
this opportunity

with the mayor's office.

Yeah, well, like I was saying,

your wife made you
look like a real jerk.

Because of that,
she's polling great.

She may have a chance
against the mayor.

We're glad you're gonna
help us out with that.

Yeah. Well, cool. Very cool.

Been hoping to connect
with you for a while.

Thumb.

Yeah? Why?

Your name's Jeff Thumb, right?

Yeah?

Yeah, well...

"Yeah, well..." what?

Deputy Mayor Jeff Thumb.

Yeah?

Congressman Chris Pecker.

Yeah?

Pecker. Thumb.

So?

Last names. Burdens.

For me and you.

Mine's not. Mine's a thumb.

Yeah?

Yours is a d*ck, so
I'm not in your club.

Thumbs are cool.

Dicks are cool.
Dicks are very cool.

Why are dicks cool?

Why are thumbs cool?

It's the thumb that
allows us to pen an essay,

turn a nut, pick up a
coin, or button a shirt.

Can you pick up a
coin with your d*ck?

Give it a shot.

I'm
not stupid, Thumb.

I know I can't pick up
a coin with my p*nis.

But there is one thing
on your little list there

that I could totally do with it.

If I had old-fashioned ink.

Which? Pen an essay.

Gotcha.

And I-I do have an
old-fashioned ink too.

Donella bought me some for
my first day as a congressman

because she thought
the gesture would point

to the gravity and heritage of
my new position in Congress.

Because she has respect for the
hallowedness of public service.

And I love her.

Well, thanks for giving
us this sex tape,

which will destroy her.

No problem.

Don't forget to
write a press release

saying you're joining
the mayor's office.

Release it after we
release the tape today.

Understood.

And welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Get...

I'm gonna pick it up.

Pick this thing up.

Anything
a thumb could do.

I am

truly humbled

this morning

to accept

a position

in the

office

of our

great...

Mayor...

Kevin...

De... Max... imum.

Signed...

Congress... man...

Chris... to... pher...

Pe... cker.

Detective coming through.
Coming through here.

Mrs. Pecker, as mayor,

what would you do
about the city's

extraordinary crime
rate, Mrs. Pecker?

Look, I know that's fun.

You said Pecker twice.
But it's unnecessary, guy.

Fun, I'm sure, for you.

But my name's Smith now, okay?

And I'm carrying on
Carpenter Smith's mission

to restore peace in our
streets and our schools

and dignity in our homes,

to make our city a
place where its citizens

don't have to live with
or resort to violence

in order to survive.

When is the name change going
into effect, Mrs. Pecker,

legally, Mrs. Pecker.

Takes a long time, man. It's
a pain in the a*s, frankly.

Can't you just get with
the spirit of the thing

till then and call
me Miss Smith?

You know what? I
will, Miss Smith.

This place is a hellhole.

That's what I'm
saying, guy. Nice one.

Anyways, I know you just got
shot in the spine and all.

And, hey, we only
have one spine,

I get it, but do you feel up

to destroying Donella
Pecker's life this afternoon?

Cool, Thumb.

Later.

Later.

Okay, I scaled
down from the roof.

Cool.

I appreciate that.

And I broke in
through the window.

Very cool. Now what?

Now, um, make your
way over to me.

I would appreciate that.

And... wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, don't... don't
do it like that.

Uh, do like Catwoman.

Not like... well,
okay. Catwoman. Okay.

I don't...

Like sexylike.

Um, prancing.

Like cat...
cat-prance over. Yeah.

Then... yeah, then we'll just do

all the normal
stuff we usually do.

And you'll, ah,
meow now and then.

When it feels right. But often.

Okay.

No, no, no. That...
not. That's not...

I don't really
appreciate that prancing.

I thought it was sexy.

Just honestly, um,
mediocre, honey.

Hi.

Hi.

My name's Grace.

Tim.

I'm in ninth grade,

I'm in... a wheelchair.

I have to get over to my laptop.

Can I get a little push,
kid, back to the hospital?

Thanks, I have to get a video
of someone's most intimate

and private moments online.

Are you always
gonna be like this?

Am I always gonna lack ethics?

No. Are you always gonna
be in a wheelchair?

So I'm told.

Does everybody have
their river g*ns?

Yeah.Yeah.

No. I left mine at Starbucks.

We'll go back and
get it, Uptown Rich.

He fought like hell.

But he didn't make it.

How's the baby?

She's kicking and screaming.

I think he would
have been a good dad.

That's something.

Yeah, well...

Yeah, well, that's not
God's sun up there.

God's sun is above
that one there.

And that...

That's probably just the flat
pane of his magnifying glass.

Bringing His heat down.

To toy with us when He's bored.

That's dark, man.

Well, it's dark down here.

I was born alone.
Then I lost you.

Then I lost Nico.

And Jaya loses the
father of her child

the day the kid was born.

He don't care.

Well, I don't
know, David, but...

Yeah?

You're not alone.

You lost your partner, and
I don't have one either.

But we have each
other. How's the case?

We got something.

Me and Nico, we got something.

Carpenter's k*ller.

Yeah?

Put one in that
reporter, same g*n.

Same g*n... Carpenter K.
Smith, and this reporter?

You got it.

That's something.

That's a lot.

That's something, Mills.

You're getting there.

I'm about to go question
this reporter about it.

I'm about to go get another
look at that pretty child.

Come with me, kid.

It might do that heart good.

For a minute.

Yeah. For a minute.

Ultra City was shocked this
week by the early release

of the World's
Most Dangerous Man

from the state penitentiary.

In funnier news, this lady's
not gonna be mayor now.

What a joke she's become
because we all watched

her most intimate
and private moments.

How are her poll
numbers now, Jane?

Poor. Almost as poor
as her B.J. technique.

Just totally cycling through
during that B.J. Right, Gary?

She was, in fact, just cycling
through those two moves.

And let's not forget
that B-side deep cut

when she tried to twerk.

What's the subject down there?

No surprise, knowing this guy,
if it's young David Mills.

They eliminate Gail, Nico next.

There's a pattern, if
you care to see one.

Well, the g*ng's all here.

Gather 'round, boys.

Quiet down too, I assume,
if the subject's moidah.

You keep forgetting to...

Oh! Sorry, yeah. Meow.

Cool. I appreciate that.

News Anchor: It's unclear
how the private tape

got to TMZ reporter
Tim Snodgrass,

but it's the talk of Ultra
City,

and promises to derail
Donella Smith's...

Formerly Pecker

campaign just as
it was taking off.

Street Hustler Boy: Excuse me.

This is a robbery.