01x04 - I like a long shag

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

- I need an assistant.

- Ted has been making me crazy.

We need an assistant,
we need an assistant.

He's like a broken record.

- I'm sorry,
what's your name again?

- Robin.
- Are you open for a challenge?

- Is this real?
[laughter]

- Those of you who know me,
I've been sober a long time.

But before I was sober,
I did a lot of drugs.

- Really?
[laughter]

- How do I get my chair?
- Honey, everybody in LA wants

a chair at Kim Vo Salon.

- Well, I want this
more than anything,

- I will find a way
and-Alright, let's see...

- Is this the tea party?
- Oh, my God.

- I'm feeling some tension

at the tea party table
in my back garden.

- Do you do like set stuff
or are you just more in salon?

- I do everything.

- [mimicking Erin] Hi guys,
I'm Erin, and I do everything.

Okay, so, like, who are,
like, your celebrity clients?

- I mean, I feel like
that's kind of tacky.

- Tacky?

[echoing] That was tacky.

Is he gonna show up?
Like, where are you?

- If you mess with my girls,

you mess with me.

And my fire is way hotter.

- Look who it is,
It's Erin from the tea party!

- Oh, my God.

- Love, how are you?

Adeel and I are throwing
a fabulous summer party.

This is the blonde ambition.
I'm gonna put it on your drink.

- Oh, my God,
it has vodka in it.

You just wrecked
30 years of sobriety.

- f*ck.

- Did he do this on purpose?

My husband is really,
really upset.

- Yeah.
- f*cking loser.

- Who are you?
- Leave, b*tch.

- How dare you talk to me
that way?

Who the f*ck
do you think you are?

You are nobody.

This party is f*cking lame.

- Get the f*ck out, Ted!

- f*ck you.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ You make me feel so good ♪

♪ You make me feel so good ♪

♪ I got the love for you,
yeah, got the love for you ♪

♪ Love is a state of mind ♪

- I need a lot of help.

- Can we just, like,
untangle that little...

I don't even know what to call
on top of your head.

- Oh, stop, come on.
- [laughs]

- It's bad, Kim.
I'm embarrassed.

- No.
- It's really bad.

I brought Jules into the salon

because Jules's
hair was awful.

We need to get rid
of that mop,

and we need to bring you
back to life.

You look like
an amateur makeup artist.

- Rude.
- Like, this does not match

who you actually are.

- I want a Vo glow-up.
- Yeah, totally.

- I'm, like, glowing up.

- [laughs]
- Yeah, so I'm excited.

- Who's gonna cut?

- Hmmm, I think I know
who I want to cut.

- Yeah?
- Who?

- Give me one sec.

- Okay, you got it.
We'll see you then.

- Why is this going
to be a mystery?

- Cheyenne, love?
- Yeah?

- I have a little idea.

I have no idea
how Jules is gonna react.

- I know, I just get nervous.
It's kind of like a big

moment for me.
- Yeah.

- 'Cause Jules likes
A-list celebrity artists

to, like, touch her only.

- Cheyenne.
- Hi love, what's going on?

- [laughs]
- Oh, the hair.

- Oh, gosh.

- Cheyenne, you've been
telling me you want a chair.

- Yes.

- So, why don't you chop
Jules's hair today?

- Why am I the guinea pig?

- Yes.
- Not a chop.

- No?
- Okay.

- A little dusting.

- My hair
is very specific, so...

- Okay.

I got you.

- Let's see what you got.

- I want this chair,

and it's everything for me

to impress Kim
and Adeel right now.

I got this, I got this.
I got you.

- Okay. [laughs]
- No worries.

- Today is not gonna be
easy for Cheyenne.

But if Cheyenne can impress
Jules, she's got me won over.

- ♪ I feel the hard stuff
and come out even stronger ♪

- Okay, we have
an exciting day.

- Your new assistant's
starting today.

- My new assistant, oh, my God!

- Spoiled rotten Ted Gibson.
- Well, you know what?

I always get my way,
and I think

I said that in the beginning.

Jason didn't want to get
an assistant.

He's a little cheap.

I am the most expensive
hairdresser in the world,

and I need some help.
Daddy needs some help.

She's here.
- Hi, good morning!

- Hello, Robin!
- How are you?

- Nice to see you.
- Come here, give me a hug.

Come on, do a group hug.
- Hey, group hug, okay.

- This is definitely a once
in a lifetime opportunity.

I'm just blessed
that I was chosen.

Thank you.
- You're so gorge.

Give me all of that.
[laughter]

What I see in Robin is
my next protégé,

someone who wants
to be able to create

the best hair imaginable,

and Robin is that girl.

- Normally what we would do on
your first day is what we call

the Ted Gibson experience,
where you feel what it's like

to be a guest in the salon.

We're gonna do that
on a different day.

- Okay.
- Because we just have to jump

right in today
and get to the clients.

The number one thing

is that they feel like
a priority all the time.

- Okay.
- If they want lunch,

find a place to get them lunch.

- Do you guys have any favorite
locations around here too?

- Well, you know,
this area's called La Brea.

We believe that it's
the hottest area.

We brought beauty to La Brea,
which we're very excited about.

Uh, but before we get
into that,

I just want you to put
your hands over here.

I thought you were gonna
do something about that.

- [laughs] I know.

- My diamonds are falling off.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Don't look too close!

- I've seen.

Girls that have
extra-long nails,

it doesn't matter
how much adornment you put

on the outside of them, it's
not really that attractive,

and I don't know
how you wipe your butt.

- Can you shampoo
with those fingernails?

- This is the best thing
to shampoo with.

- Really?
- Really?

- Yes.
- The best thing?

But it's not the best thing

to clean up dog poo-poo with.

- Dog poop? My nails?
No. [laughs]

- Johnny, Coco, meet Robin.
She's Ted's new assistant.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.

- She's here to help
the flow for everyone,

knowing that
this is the priority.

- Can you believe that?
- Finally.

- Maybe what you could do is
bring a manicurist

that can come
and take care of these nails.

- I'll pay extra to get it!
[laughter]

Ted said make them short!
- You know what I mean?

- Ted definitely has
high standards.

He's the Ted Gibson.

Like, he could
tell me anything,

and at this point,
now I just have to do it,

as long as it's not jumping
off a bridge.

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Ready or not,
we gonna make you jump ♪

- I love these pieces to frame.
- Okay.

- But I don't want bangs.
- Okay.

- I don't want you to be shy

but I also don't want you
to get crazy.

- Getting a chair
at Kim Vo Salon

is like getting your throne.

You have to have way more
than just talent.

I wanna know
that if I'm bringing

celebrities into the salon,

that you are up to par.

- I like a long shag.

I don't know
if you can really see,

but you can see, like,
these pieces through here.

It's almost like a long mullet.

Uh wait, maybe I shouldn't
have said that to you, okay.

Am I driving you crazy?
- Nope.

This is what I do.
- 'Cause I'm the client

that I...I hate right now.

- You ready?

- Oh, my God,
you're f*cking scaring me now.

- [laughs]

- So how long has it been
since you've cut?

- Well, so I have been
bringing in...

I definitely feel pressure.

And if Jules is not happy
with her haircut...

- Sorry, I'm just looking
to see how much you cut off.

- I will die a little inside.

- This definitely needs
some shape.

- I can always go... It's just,

I don't know if it's like...

you see how it's just
taken out of here?

- Yeah.
- Do you think it needs

more in the ends?

- We absolutely can, yeah.

- No, do you think?

- We can absolutely
take it up a little bit.

- I know, but I wanna know
what you think.

- Um...
- Having Cheyenne working

on me doesn't feel the same

as when I'm having other
hairstylists work on me.

Like, that confidence and...
it's like big d*ck energy.

Let God and let go.
- Let go.

- Let me do a little
smidge more here.

- Although I don't wanna
let go too much.

You know? Like I bring
big d*ck energy to my jobs.

And I'm just not feeling that.

If you cut it too short,
I'm screwed.

I'm like, wait a minute,
that looks scary.

This guy...
- Heavy.

- Doesn't have a home.

Like, maybe needs
a thin out a little bit?

- Okay.
- I'm not difficult, Cheyenne!

- [laughs]
- Not at all.

- Not at all.

- Hi.
- Oh, my God.

- Hello.
- Yes.

- Honestly,
so how did Cheyenne do?

- Okay, Cheyenne, if you are
gonna be in Beverly Hills...

- Yeah.
- And you're gonna have

a chair here...
- Yes.

- You're also gonna have
to be in charge.

So, you know, don't let
somebody like me bulldoze you.

- Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

- Yeah, of course I know
what I want.

- Yeah.
- Everybody in Beverly Hills

knows what they want.
- Yeah, yep.

- But they want you
to tell them.

That's why I was like,
well, what do you think?

I want to know
when I sit down in your chair

that you might have
a different idea for me.

- Yeah.
- When you go to Kim Vo Salon

in Beverly Hills,
you're not going to Supercuts.

So you want the stylist
owning that chair.

- Is she chair ready?

- I mean...

I would love to see you
working with a model...

- Yeah.
- Or an actress.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Because that
right there is like,

you think I'm bad?

- I do take in what she says.

These women
in LA are different.

Do I think it came off
a little harsh? Maybe.

- So I think next up, we do
this little sh**t and see.

- You got it.

I'm ready.

- ♪ When you notice, when you
notice that I am not around ♪

- It's Robin's first day.

I have a high profile client
that's coming in,

a celebrity,
and being in the salon

and being with a celebrity can
be very challenging.

They have high expectations.

- Hey, how are you? - Good, how
are you?

- Welcome.
- Hi, Melissa!

Roxburgh in the house.
- Hi!

You look fabulous!
- How you doing?

How you doing?
- I'm good, how are you?

- Good. Good to see you.
- Hi, good morning.

- This is Robin.
- Robin.

both: Nice to meet you,
- How's it going?

- I know Melissa because I did
an editorial with her.

She's fabulous.
She's on a hit show.

When are you starting
to film again?

- I have to be back in New York
on the seventh.

- So this is season what?
- Season four.

I get to direct an episode.
- Are you?

Really?
- Yeah.

- I didn't know
that was something

you were interested
in doing, though.

- At some point,
that's all I wanna do.

- Wow.

We became good friends.

And every time
she's in Los Angeles,

she comes to see me.

- I've been, like,
trying to get back

just to get another
haircut with you,

because no one's
done it the same.

- Stop it.
- Yeah.

My favorite haircut ever.

- Working with Ted and, of
course,

his amazing A-list clients,

it could open so many doors,
definitely change my career.

Here you go.
- Thank you, thank you so much.

- It's just a lot
of pressure right now,

but I'm super excited.

- I wanna go blonder
a little bit.

Yeah.
- I like what this does.

- The darkness underneath?
- Yes.

How it, like,
elongates your neck

like that I think
is really beautiful.

For Melissa's highlights,
I really want to give

some depth and some dimension,

and give her hair color just
a little bit more drama.

Okay, you can drop that.

I'm gonna have you
switch sides with me.

Is this where your hair falls?

- You know what happened?
- What?

- We had some lemon juice
that was in the refrigerator.

- Yeah?
- And it has exploded.

I'm so glad
that we have an assistant.

- Me too!
[laughter]

- Because I don't have to get
on my hands and knees

in Bottega Veneta.

- I love it here!
[laughter]

- Being my assistant
is challenging

and rewarding at the same time.

You get the opportunity
to sweep my hair.

[laughs]
You get the opportunity

to hold my sections.

You get the opportunity
to really understand

what it takes to be an A-list
celebrity hairdresser.

- So interesting
watching you cut.

- I'm going to train Robin
to be the best.

I'm gonna train Robin
to be even better than me.

- How long
have you worked here?

- It's my first day.
- What?

- [laughs]
It's her first day.

- I'm still learning
everything.

- Oh, I thought you'd
been here for a while!

- And she comes from a line.

- It's a family business.
- Yes.

Every weekend,
I used to be at the salon

with my mom
and my dad helping out.

Seeing them together,
doing hair all the time,

I was like, wow, that's
exactly who I wanna be like.

They are so proud of me
for taking this opportunity.

- Oh, my God.

You guys don't know
how hot I feel right now.

[laughter]

It looks fire!

Thank you, guys.

- You wanna change?
- Yes.

- Follow Robin, I think
she got it all ready for you.

When Ted and I are sharing
a client, we have a dance.

So introducing a new person to
that can sometimes be jarring.

- She knows how to be.
- Yes.

- And you know what?
That's half the battle, right?

- Yes.
- 'Cause a lot of people don't

know how to be.
- And you can't teach that.

- You can't teach that.
- You either have it

or you don't.

Robin started dancing with us,
and it was really, really nice.

And just shake it a little.

- Oh, my God.
[laughter]

- Oh, thank you guys so much.
- It's good to see you.

- Thank you, bye.
- Thank you.

- How was the first
experience?

- Um, it was smooth,
- Was it smooth?

- It went really well, yeah.
- I think you did a great job.

- Thank you.
- It's all about

the energy that you give.

And your energy was really,
really good in my cloud.

- Thank you.
- So I appreciate it.

- Woo!

- It was important for me
to have an assistant that

melded right in between
Jason and I,

and Robin has done that.

She really understands
the memo.

Now get to work!
- [laughs]

- Look at this color.
This looks really pretty!

I love it!

- I shaved my head once,
and I remember...

- Yeah, I think I recall.
- Yeah, and, like, no one...

I was like, hello?
I shaved my head.

Like, people just,
like, don't notice.

- It's, like, interesting.
- Yeah.

[laughs]
People are weird.

- Oh my God!
Girl, you look good!

- Thank you.
- You look really good.

- It's the butter.
- Is that what it is?

- I think it's the butter.
- Oh my God, you lie.

You lie like a rug.
That works for me.

- ♪ Oh oh ♪

- Come here, Spencer,
your brother took a poo-poo!

Oh my God, oh my God,
oh my God.

Come on, let's go!

Orson, why are you
doing that to me?

- ♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪

- I really wanna know
about this tea party.

- Okay.
- Tell me about it.

- Well, I don't know if I told
you, I brought Erin with me.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- And there ended up being
kind of, I don't know,

some funky little moments
between, like, Laura and Erin.

- What, I mean...
- What did Laura do this time?

Laura and I have known
each other for a while now.

We cross paths on jobs,
and I love her.

But I know that
there's two sides to her.

- Laura just wanted to go
around the table

asking questions.

How old are you?
What services do you do?

So Erin just said,
I do everything, and no,

she did not like that answer.
She just kind of ended up,

"What do you mean
you do everything?"

She went around the table
asking,

what celebrity clients
you have?

- I mean, I feel like
that's kind of tacky.

- Tacky?

- Just to, like, name drop.
- When you say to me

you do everything, well, then
I want you to explain yourself.

Does that make sense?

- I don't need to
explain myself to you.

- You know, Erin didn't... Yeah.

- Here we just try
and be discreet about things.

- Well, we have
A-listers here.

- Exactly.
- Unlike Laura.

- Just was poking, so...

- Well,
that really pisses me off.

I'm very protective of my team,
so the way that

Laura decided to talk
to my girls?

Mm, we'll see about that.

You guys all know me.

Like, if you f*ck
with one of us,

you're f*cking with me.

- ♪ Warrior, got
that tiger in your eye ♪

♪ Leave it all behind,
but I go last ♪

♪ Started from the bottom,
but we going to a new high ♪

♪ Yeah,
na na na na unbreakable ♪

[pop music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

- So today
we're going to Magari.

I'm meeting with all the girls

because we have not been able

to get drinks together
in forever.

And I also feel like,
you know,

it's our version of
team building

which is getting margaritas.

Diet Coke saves your hangovers.

In the morning, I chug it.
- No, you said that,

and then you said it was
Coca-Cola.

- Nope, I was right, I was
right. It's Diet Coke.

- Where are you getting
this information from?

- The web.
- Oh, okay.

- Or Tiktok.
- The interwebs.

- Or Tiktok.
- Listen, I'm a professional

drinker.

- Okay, let me hear,
let me hear the routine.

- I-I shouldn't say this,
but Xanax.

- Or an Ativan.
- Oh my God,

you know who I'm thinking of.

- I'm telling you,
a little Xanadu.

A big glass of water.

I want to.
It's funny,

'cause Kim was talking about
going even more red.

- Thank you.
- How's your clientele?

- You're on your grind.
- Yeah.

- It's good.
- I feel like you're always

there and, like, hustling
and stuff.

- So sweet, thank you.

What about you? You're gonna
go on the floor soon?

- Hopefully soon,
hopefully soon.

- The struggle, honey.
- It is true.

- Well, I mean, totally
rebuilding my career,

starting from scratch

basically rebranding myself,
and...

- If you have the opportunity
to leave Kim and maybe...

I don't know, like, go with Ted
or at his salon and,

like, fully be on your own,

would you do that?
- No.

- If you had the opportunity?
No? You're loyal.

- Yeah.
- That's amazing.

- Yeah.

- Kim Vo stylists
are very loyal.

We are all very close with
each other, and honestly,

I think it stems down to

just how well
Kim and Adeel treat us.

- He's got, like,
these cloud pods and crap.

- The colors.
- Yeah, what is that?

- And the laser beams
like Coachella.

- Coachella?

- I just think all that crap
is gimmicky.

- Absolutely.
- And it's a way to

upsell clients, like,
just cut the f*cking hair,

color it, tone it, bye.

Do I really have to say
Starring By?

It's such a stupid name.
[laughs]

"Starring By."

I mean, why just not
call it the Ted Gibson Salon?

I don't get it.

I read that he charges
$2,400 for a haircut.

- That's bullshit.
- Listen, I've been in

this business
for a long f*cking time.

Nobody charges that.

- That's bullshit.
- Nobody's gonna f*cking go

out of pocket
for $2,400 a haircut.

It's unheard of.
It's ridiculous.

- Ted's $2,400 haircut
is twice my rent.

- But then why are you on
La Brea?

- Exactly.
- Literally!

- You're not even in
Beverly Hills, honey.

You could probably call the
salon right now and find out.

- Oh my God, should we do it?

[both gasp]

- What?
- What?

- We should do it.
- I'd be so down to do it.

- You should call.
You should call right now.

- I'm not doing it, I feel like
my voice is very distinctive.

- I'll call.

I'll do it, I'll call.

I wanna know how much
a haircut is.

- Okay, it's closed,

but it opens in 30 minutes.
Should we just try?

- There should be
a receptionist answering.

- Even 30 minutes before,
right?

- You wanna talk?
- Opens in 30.

- Ain't nobody walking into
a hair salon

and paying $2,400 for a cut.

- An extra.
- What does that mean?

It isn't even on.
- A person answering.

- Sounds like a cellphone.

- If Ted's salon is so
futuristic,

I don't understand
why nobody answers the phone.

I mean, you can at least
get Alexa to answer.

Like, Alexa, hello?

- There's no f*cking way.
- There's no way.

- ♪ Yes, I'm goin' out...♪

- Well cheers, guys.
- Yay!

[overlapping chatter]

- You guys know it's bad
luck to not look at the person

in the eye when you cheers?
- Seven years bad sex, I heard.

- Yes!
I look them in the...

- I've never heard of
bad sex.

- ♪ You oughta catch our
breeze and you want it ♪

♪ But I'ma make you sweat
and you know it ♪

♪ I'm a hot one,
and I'm betting you a... ♪

- So Adeel's meeting me
at Jalapeño Pete's.

We've been friends
for a long time.

We've styled clients together.

And of course,
Adeel is always late.

I mean, to everything.

- ♪ Uh-huh, what,
yeah, living it up ♪

Where's these Aperol spritzes?

♪ ♪

- ♪ Yeah, living it up ♪

- Oh my God!
- Hi, gorgeous.

You know,
it's a little tricky right now

because Laura and I
are work friends.

- I'm like,
is he gonna show up?

Like, where are you?
- Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

But I really don't approve of

the way that she
talked to my girls.

If you mess with my girls,
you mess with me.

And my fire is way hotter.

- Can I be really honest
with you

- about something?
- Yeah.

- I was, like,
kind of surprised

that when I met everyone
from Kim's salon,

because, like,
you're so fabulous.

Like, at the party,
I was expecting these

like, crazy, like,
looks of people, but, like...

not saying anything bad
about their style by any means,

but do you get what I'm saying?
Like...

- Laura.

I mean, yes,
I'm fabulous and stylish,

but I also don't wear
fake designer like you do,

and neither do my girls.

- It's always, like, an
interesting thing when you meet

and then you
get to know each other.

Like, I, like, obsessed
with Cheyenne, right?

- Yeah, Cheyenne, yeah.
- Yeah, I, like, met her.

Like, I actually
really like her a lot, yeah.

- Okay, I'm not gonna lie.
When I heard that you kinda

went after Cheyenne at the
party, I was like, oh hell no.

- Laura, meet Cheyenne.
- I don't know if I want to.

- You don't know
if you want to?

- No, I was just feeling
a little jealous.

This is my best friend.
- Oh, oh! I'm sorry.

- Don't be jealous.
- I'm not stealing him!

- Okay, great.
- Oh my God.

- We could be friends too!
- [laughs]

- I think they were thrown off.

I'll be totally honest.
Like, what they told me was

- that they were kinda
thrown off

by, like,
how strong you came in.

- But I took full
responsibility for it, though,

which I think... And I'm glad
you did.

- Was pretty big of me.
And I said, hey, like,

I really didn't wanna like you,
but I really do, and I like you

and I apologize if
I came off that way.

And that's a big person...
that's a big thing for me,

you know that.
- Yeah, yeah.

I think the girls,
because they don't know you...

- Yeah.

- Like, they're still kinda
very guarded.

- I don't know about
the other one yet.

We're getting to know
each other.

The other one, Erin,
was at Robby's tea party.

[mimics Erin]
She talks like this.

She really does sound like
Minnie Mouse,

and I just kinda
got some side eye from her,

and her energy was not great.

I went outta my way and I was
like, I really wanna

get to know you.
And I said, so what do you do?

Like, what's, like your
specialty with, like, hair?

And she was like,

"Everything," like that, right?

- Yeah.
- And I was like, okay.

[laughs] Sorry.

[laughter]

But I wanna know more, and
so I asked again, Adeel, okay?

So I go, okay, but, like...

but, like,
what do you specialize in?

"Everything."
- [laughs]

- Okay?
- I can't,

It's, like,
perfectly her voice.

I know Laura's trying to be
a b*tch, but I think it's...

I love Erin's voice.
I think it's so cute.

I can just hear Erin
in my head.

- It's like...literally like
she had a wall, okay?

So then I go, okay, so, like,
since you do "everything,"

I said, what celebrities
do you do?

And she goes...
- [chuckles]

- Well, that's tacky.

So she basically
called me tacky.

You know me,
I am not a name drop person,

I really don't,
even Robby said that.

Stop it, I'm not.
- Laura.

- I don't name drop.
- Laura, you are

the biggest name dropper
in town.

- I'm not a name drop...
First of all...

- You're like, oh,
do you wanna have a drink?

I just did Tori Spelling.

You know, if Laura could
skin her clients and wear them,

she probably would.

- I think it's like
once I meet someone,

if they're a little guarded
and, like, weird to me, I just,

I'm like grr, you know?
I'm like a tiger.

- That-that's one word for it.
[laughs]

- Yeah, I'm like a tiger.
I'm like, grr, I'm here.

- I agree, she's a very hungry,
very thirsty tiger.

But I'm the lion, b*tch, and if
she messes with the girls again

the lion's gonna come out.

I was, like, so pissed.
- I know.

- And I was like, how dare she?
- Yeah.

- This b*tch is going down.
- I know.

But I was like,
let me hear her out,

maybe it was just a moment.

- I'm going through a lot right
now in this point in my life.

I'm a f*cking hard-a*s wall.
- Yeah.

- And that's something that I
need to get, like, myself over.

Right now my life is so hectic.

Like, I'm in the middle of
a divorce right now, um,

I'm a single mom,
I'm working my a*s off

trying to give my kids
everything that they want,

you know,
and it's a lot of pressure.

- Get to know the girls.
- I will, and listen, I'm open.

- You might have to put in
a little bit more effort.

- I see Adeel's point,
and I'm open to friendships,

and maybe I'll make an effort.

Sometimes I'm a little
too real.

- Yeah, a little too much
for people.

Like, sometimes a little filter
you know, I need to bring that.

- You know, Laura acts out
like a little child.

But then when she apologizes,
I can't help forgive her and,

um...all I gotta say is
you gotta watch out, girl.

We're the same, if anyone
comes for us, we're like...

- Oh my God, we're like that,

but just if you f*ck with me
like...

- Oh, all bets are off.

- Anyone who f*ck with me
will never win.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Let's put it like that.

- Okay, so today is
a really big day.

The divorce is being
signed and notarized.

- We're signing divorce papers
right now?

- Yeah, I know,
so we're gonna sign

the divorce papers together!

- Okay, we need, like,
three shots, then.

- I know.
- We need to, like...

- We'll have a celebratory
shot.

- I mean, to sign divorce
papers over tequila

is pretty LA.

- I'm gonna have a divorce
party. Do you wanna come?

- Yeah.
- I wanna wear black,

- But I also... It's not a
funeral.

It's a renewal of life.
- Maybe, a hot pink...

- Maybe we should all dress up
in, like, d*ck pink.

- Ooh.
- You know what I mean?

- Did you say "d*ck pink"?
- d*ck pink.

- Like a blush nude pink.
- I have never

in my life heard of
d*ck pink.

- d*ck pink.
We'll all be in d*ck pink,

and you can be in hot pink.
- And I'm gonna be in hot pink.

- Yeah, you'll be like
a throbbing, engorged d*ck.

- My first impression was,
oh, that's cute, d*ck pink.

But then I'm like, there's many
different colors of dicks.

- This is where you sign.
- Okay.

- Oh my God.
- Oh God, this is so legal.

- So final, holy sh*t.
- Did I do okay?

- You're officially notarized.
- I'm officially notarized!

- Notarized! Oh my God, yay!
- Yay! Oh thanks.

The feeling of signing these
divorce papers is like

ripping a bra off
on a hot sunny day.

- Do you feel hot and
throbbing?

- I feel hot and... Like an
engorged d*ck.

- d*ck pink throbbing.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- You're a beautiful d*ck.

- You're a gorgeous d*ck.
[laughter]

- ♪ That our love is going
down ♪

♪ ♪

[phone ringing]

- Um, it is time, um,
for the phone to ring

for the invite
to the pool party.

- We're actually doing
a little summer

"Midsummer's Night Dream"
party soiree.

- Shut up, amazing.

- We'd love for you guys to
come with your whole team.

- Shut up, that sounds amazing.
- Okay, we'll be there.

I'm so excited.
I love a pool party!

- Me too!
- It'll be fun to see, like,

Kim and Adeel and his team.
- Yeah, and his team.

- In, in a, like,
casual, fun environment.

- And our team together.
- Yeah.

- I think it's gonna be
really, really, really fun.

- Who doesn't love a party?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ The sun sets and the worst
is going down ♪

♪ Like the moonlight dancing
on my neck and wrist ♪

- Adeel and I are throwing
a fabulous summer party

with my friends who're gonna
show their collection.

- Muah, you're sparkling
and just look beautiful.

- I'm an excellent host,
let me tell you. [laughs]

I've been
throwing parties forever.

- Well, the man of the hour,
darling!

- Laura, how are you?
- How are you?

- I always have things
for people to do,

and that's what makes it fun.

Sunglasses is what I want you
guys to play with.

- Oh good, my sunglasses are
just kinda broken.

- ♪ Let's get it, baby,
it's time to celebrate ♪

- How do you feel about
psychics?

- Why, is there one here?
- A real one, like, not like...

- Not like a fake one.
- No, no, no.

- Like, this is a real b*tch.
- This is a real b*tch.

- Messages from the other side?

♪ ♪

I love it.

- Yay.
- So gorgeous.

We've invited the whole
Starring team.

[laughs]

Love, how are you?
Oh!

It's really great
to get together

and just have some summer fun.

♪ ♪

- How's it hanging, queens?
- It's hanging.

- That's what I like to hear.
Cheers, you guys.

- Cheers.
- Alright, you guys.

- How was your reading?

- This psychic is so freakin'
on point,

I couldn't believe it.
- Did she say shame on you

for not inviting your friends
to the tea party?

- Oh my God, no, give me a
spanking, I deserve it honey.

I deserve it,
and you guys were missed,

but you didn't miss sh*t,
so don't worry about it, baby.

- It hurt my feelings
that I wasn't invited,

and I just wanted to know, hey
boo, are we friends or what?

- I hope you guys didn't take
any offense

that you weren't there...
it was very last minute.

- A little personal,
but you know, it's okay.

- I was a little hurt.
- No, it's okay.

- Next time we'll do it,
and we'll do it right.

In my opinion, Coco and Jojo
dodged a b*llet

by not being invited
to the tea party.

Hell, I wish I wasn't there.

They should thank me,
if anything, geez.

Our girl Laura, she's so good,
isn't she?

She brought the sage, she goes,
I don't want any negative vibes

and I think she knew
the Kim Vo girls were coming,

and she has beef with them.

- Oh, so you invited
the Kim Vo girls.

- Not us.
- I invited the girl

from Boston,
But it was kind of like

a Boston thing,
so I wanted to bring her,

and it was all
flowin' and goin', believe me.

- The next one will be better
'cause we'll be there.

- Amen to that, cheers.

We'll just have Starring only,
we don't need the Kim Vos.

- Wait, oh my God,
is this a full pant?

Oh my God, it's a full...
it's a boot with a pant!

- My look for today's party
is sequins, duh.

Gucci, duh. Custom, duh.

- I shaved my leg in the Uber.
- No, you did not.

- I did.
- You shaved your leg?

- And I brushed my teeth.
- You brushed your...

- Without toothpaste or water.

- Did you do the wh*re bath?
- Yeah, I did.

I did, I gave myself
a wh*re bath.

- Yeah. [laughs]
I love it, I love it.

- What's the girl that...

Remember
we had a like...remember...

Remember when I was like,
everything, that one?

What's her name?
Help me right there.

- Which one?
- Behind me.

Remember when I wanted to
invite her to my divorce party.

- Got it, got it, yeah, Erin.

- This morning I woke up,

I said, I don't want
any negative,

so I think I should invite
Erin to the divorce party,

I feel like it's just
something I have to do

in order for me and my chakras
to move forward.

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Keep your eyes on that one.
Her name's Erin.

- Erin.

- That was the one drama
at the party.

- Oh really?
- We were trying to make

conversation, and we were like,
you know, what do you do?

And she'd be like, everything.
And it was just like

these one-note weird answers.
And I offered her food,

she refused to have it.

So, I don't know,
something about her

I can't put my finger on,
but she's a bit of a red flag.

- ♪ I want to embrace you,
but I should erase you ♪

♪ Yeah, I've tried
playing a fool, oh oh ♪

- Ted, I've got my little wisp.

- What is that?
- My blonde moment.

- He's got Cardi's whipped
cream.

- It's Cardi's whipped cream.
- [laughs]

- It's our little signature
drink

that we want...like,
just a little squirt.

- Thank you.
- I've been to so many

fabulous parties,

and everyone's trying to
outdo each other

with signature drinks.

This is the Blonde Ambition.

I'm gonna put it on your
n*pples.

Oh, the drink.
- Okay.

What makes my signature drink
really amazing is I've got this

vanilla whipped cream, a little
Cardi B, just right on top.

There we go. That makes
every drink just sparkle.

- Oh my God, you are too much.

- It's so much fun.

It was just a little
cute little squirt.

- No, yeah, it's good.
- Mmm.

- All I heard was they're so
gorgeous, and I was like...

- And you came along?
- Yeah, I was like

is he talking about
my eyes again?

[laughter]

What is it, what is it?
What is it?

- Blonde Ambition.

- There's Blonde Ambition,
honey.

- It's a hair product?
- No.

[laughter]

Vodka and whipped cream?

Oh, that's something I would
never have at a party.

Like, vodka-infused
whipped cream

is for a 16-year-old girl
at her prom

or maybe a bachelorette party.

It's kinda weird.

Oh my God, it has vodka in it!

- It does not.
- For sure.

I look over,
and I see Ted drinking a drink

that has the
whipped cream in it.

And so I said, Ted, you know
that has alcohol in it.

Because Ted is sober.

- Shh!

- That has vodka in it?
- Yes, she's on speed dial.

Oh sh*t, oh f*ck,
I don't know what this was.

- You just wrecked
30 years of sobriety.

- WTF? Did he do this on
purpose or was it an accident?

Well, it wasn't an accident
that he put it in my drink.

That's for sure.

But did he not know or listen
to anything we have said

about me being sober?

- I'm still so, like,
shook about

Kim putting that whipped cream
in your glass.

- I don't know if that
was intentional,

but it's not cool, regardless.

I know for a fact

we've had at least two,
if not three

conversations about sobriety
with Kim.

So I thought, okay.

Kim is proving either to be
the kind of as*h*le

that doesn't listen when you
have a conversation with him,

or he's the kind of as*h*le
who thinks it's funny

to put alcohol
in a sober person's glass.

Both of those assholes
are not my kind of people.

- ♪ You are just as soft
as ever ♪

♪ I am just as warm as never ♪

♪ Gotta keep your enemies
closer than your friends ♪

- I haven't said anything to
Minnie Mouse yet.

She's just been sitting there
the whole entire time

like a nice little... Oh, why
would you?

She is just the worst.

She left a bad taste
in my mouth.

- [Coco] Who?
- Erin, at the tea party.

- I was like, well,
what do you do?

What's like your special...
just trying to get to know.

And then she was like,
"everything."

- You go say hello.
- Should I go say hi?

- You should.
- I think I should go

up to the table.

- I'm surprised when Laura
tells me that she wants to

talk to Erin,
but I'm excited to

roll up my sleeves and go up
to bat for Laura.

I'll go with you.
And I've got your back, Laura.

- Yeah, you don't.
- But I'm the silent assassin,

so I probably won't say
anything.

- No, yeah, your silent
bullshit.

- This is, like, a very big
deal for me

to be in your corner.

I'm Buddhist, I'm a lover,
not a fighter.

And if I know my Laura, she is
gonna come out g*ns blazing.

[humming]

Look who it is, it's Erin
from the tea party!

- Oh my God, Erin from the tea
party, darling.

- Erin, how are you, did you
get bangs or are those new?

- No, this is not a new
addition.

- Did you have those
at the tea party?

- I did.
- You had a fascinator on.

That's why I don't recognize.

- Well, I really like
your hair tonight.

- It looks really pretty.
- Thank you.

- I just want to say, I know
that we didn't get off,

like, on, like, the right
start.

Um, but I really wanna
get to know you,

and I think that we
could probably bond a lot.

- Laura is acting very
friendly.

But I'm just thinking
she's full of sh*t.

- And I want to invite you
to my divorce party.

Because I feel like
as a woman and a woman,

I feel like it'll be
really empowering

for you to be there with me.

- I'm not really sure what
the intent is,

whether it's good or bad,
but I'm just gonna play nice.

Okay, when is it?
- It's gonna be next week.

And you need to wear d*ck pink
or hot pink.

- Thank you for the invitation,
and I will come.

- Okay, I'd love that.

- I'm gooped, I'm gagged.

I cannot believe that Laura
just extended the olive branch

and invited Erin to her party
just like that.

Where's the drama, Laura?

I'm like, you know, like a bull
ready to get out the gate.

- We're gonna go to the
psychic.

- Let's go see
what's in the cards.

Laura, I'm proud of you
girlfriend.

- I know, that was really
hard for me.

- You are such a class act.

- I tried.
- Well done.

You know, I taught Laura
how to chant.

[chanting]

And I am seeing a little bit
of a change.

I'm starting to see the
sensitive side to Miss Laura.

- Every day I do a little
Buddhist chant.

- Yeah?
- And, um,

I feel like it's been
really helping me.

- Well, good.

- ♪ Ooh ooh, ooh ooh ♪

♪ This is what we dream of ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪

- I see you're upset. I
thought your eyes were watery.

- I am so upset that...
- Why, honey?

- Well, the Kim thing.
- It's okay, no no no,

It's okay.

It's okay.
Why are you so upset about it?

- Just because, like,
you've talked about it,

like, multiple times.

It's like either he doesn't
pay attention

to what people are saying,

which is shitty,
or he does pay attention

and thinks it's f*cking funny.

To see someone do
something so shitty

to someone I love so much
really was heartbreaking.

- So you don't have to...
-I don't know why I'm so upset.

- It's okay, you don't,
you don't have to cry about it.

- All of those things took
a couple of minutes to sink in,

and then when they did,
I just...

I don't think I've ever
cried at a party, like...

- I'm sorry that you're so
upset about it, honey.

- Well, I'm really proud of
you.

- Oh, thank you,
that's so nice.

Initially I wasn't that upset

because I really didn't know
what it mean.

I was really in shock,
and I didn't see

the audacity of someone putting
vodka into my drink.

And it took my husband's
support to be able to show me

that this is what's happening.

- It's gonna take
more than flowers.

- It may be time that we talk
to them about this because

it doesn't feel right.

- Hi guys! Hi, hi, hi!

- It's almost like being
roofied.

It's a terrible feeling.

- You guys, what's going on?

- I just have to tell you that

we've had at least three
conversations about

Ted being sober.

- Oh.
- Ever since...

- May-may
I share this with you?

I'm so amazed
that you shared that.

- So you heard him share that?

- And I think it's amazing.

- It was like a slap
in the f*cking face.

A half an hour earlier, he's
putting alcohol in Ted's drink.

And now he's telling me
that he knows Ted's sober.

Like, what the f*ck, bro?
Those two things don't align.

So then why the f*ck did you
put alcohol in his glass?

- I am so sorry.
- Okay, we gotta go.

I don't even wanna have
this conversation.

- I am so sorry.

- My husband is
really, really upset.

- We gotta go.

You are the kind of as*h*le
that thinks it's funny

to put alcohol
in a sober person's drink.

What a f*cking d*ck.

- Well, Kim,
he does that to everybody.

That's his, like, party thing.

- I understand that,
but-but at the same time

you have to see it
from-from our point of view.

- Right,
but you're sober, right?

- What does that have to do
with that?

- What it has to do with it
is if someone's

putting alcohol
in your drink,

out of being just nice
and being...

Hold on, let me finish.

- No, because I didn't know
it was alcohol.

- No, no, no, I'm talking,
be quiet.

- I beg your pardon?
Who are you?

- I'm talking.
- No, you're not.

- Uh, yes I am.
- You're not talking anymore.

- Bye- bye.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- Get out of my sight,
leave b*tch.

- I'm a nice guy until you
provoke me, and guess what?

I've been provoked.

This party is f*cking lame, are
you guys having a good time?

I know you're not because they
don't know what they're doing.

- Get the f*ck out, Ted!

- It's the worst party
I've ever been to.

- f*cking loser.

- With your fake- a*s Gucci
pants.

Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Gucci b*tch.

How dare you talk to me
that way.

Who the f*ck
do you think you are?

You are nobody.
What the f*ck?

When you get to have
the resume that I have,

then maybe you can talk to me.

And trying to make it
that it was our...my fault

that you put some
bullshit stuff in my drink.

I am Mrs. Gibson's son,

and I don't play with other
people's children.

- Yeah.

I'm blowing this
shitty-a*s party.

- Trash bag.

- He's in party mode,

that's what he was
trying to explain to me.

- I hate when people attack you
when you're just being nice.

- How would I know?
You're saying it's f*cking

Blonde Ambition.
- Yeah.

- You're a f*cking colorist,
dickhead.

f*ck you.

- I don't give a f*ck,
that's his own journey.

- Next time
on "Blowing LA"...

- You guys need to get
your boss in order.

- How are you feeling, Jason?

- Go drown in the pool!

Don't f*ck with me, fellas.
Get the f*ck out!

You're gonna get ten times
worse.

- Why don't you stand up?

- Yesterday was not a fun
party.

- I had a physical reaction
in my body

when I sucked that damn sh*t!

- My heart bled for you, Ted.

Let's get it going, honey,
I'm sick of it! Oh yeah!

- I am so triggered that you
have no idea what it's like.

- Wait, there's booze in this?
- Exactly.

- Exactly!
- I'm sober!

- Not even check on me.

- I mean, I didn't know
Ted was that needy.

I was keeping up face
for Starring.

- You're so good,
you're so good at that.

- This is all over the whipped
cream?

- We didn't mean it.
We didn't mean it.

- It hurt me so bad

because I know how much
the sobriety means to you.

Can I have a hug?
- Not now.

- ♪ I'm a boss, I'm a queen,
I'm electrical, get her ♪

♪ First press one 'cause
you're bringing it better ♪

♪ Tell it to the world 'cause
femme is the future ♪

♪ If you haven't heard, then
you know better watch out ♪

♪ She's got the hustle
who makes the money moves ♪

♪ Hey now, no wonder why she
always breaks through like ♪

♪ Wake up, wake up
and multi-mension ♪

♪ Wake up, wake up
and multi-mension ♪

♪ She's got the hustle
that makes the money move ♪