01x02 - When Life Gives You Lemons

[bunniefuu]

[Alex] If you could have one
superpower, what would it be?

Super hearing.
Are you serious?

You know, super hearing is
the ultimate superpower.

What about like super speed or super strength?

Oh... well I can hear the speedster coming,

I could also hear when a super strong
move is coming to get out the way.

Uh super intelligence?

I can hear where they're
thinking and prepare for it.

Control over fire?

I could hear a fire alarm.

Flying?

Afraid of heights... like I said
the ultimate superhero power, haha.

[Over Radio]

Report of ill*gal contraband served on the corner
of Pine and Snyder, available units please report.

Got it, on our way.

Mine's invisibility by the way.

Invisibility? Haha. good luck sneaking up on me

We try our best to keep a
safe and clean community,

with a community this large unfortunately
things slip through the cracks.

You gotta be [__] me.

This is the ill*gal contraband? What the hell
is the matter with these people? It's a kid.

Let's shut it down.

Whoa whoa whoa...- look... I know that your robotic
programming only lets you see the prime objective,

but this is a kid, okay? so let me do the
talking okay? You're too much sometimes.

Handle it.

Good afternoon officers, can I offer you a
nice cool glass of lemonade? It's on the house.

I'm sorry we can't, I'm afraid
we actually have some bad news.

oh no, that's the worst kind of news.

I know it is... you see... you don't seem to have
a permit for your little lemonade stand here.

uh-oh spaghetti-o' s.

god that's adorable.

You see the issue is, because
you don't have a permit...we're

gonna have to shut you down until you do.

Before we do that...I have an idea.

What's that sweetie?

How about you [__] off and leave me alone!

Excuse me?

Dude, don't you have anything better
to do? it's just [__] lemonade?

Oh

I'm on your team here, okay?

I got it... I'm chill, I'm
calm. I'm at like a two.

Okay,

It's stupid I know that. You and I... we're on
the same team. Okay? It's just a form, an F2,

fill it out okay? We'll leave you alone.

Form F2?

Yeah very simple,

How about...form F U

oh that hit your forehead though.

Listen here you little [__] you know
how much that cost to... at FedEx & Kinkos?

What does rule number four in the handbook say?

Rule number four?

Yeah, yeah, think about it. No punching
kids under 10 in the face, yes. Relax now.

I turn 10 in four months you little [__]

Listen you little wayfair
reject okay... I will sell you!

Relax!

I will sell you for a discount.

Relax.

We'll take a lap, we'll
take...we're going to take a lap

a little trip around the block about 15 minutes.
When we come back here you better be gone.

Just going to leave that here.

Yeah I'll take this [__] form

Listen here you little thin mint [__]

okay let's go let's go let's go let's go let's go.

I'll go sell her ,oh we gonna make a
loop all right and if she ain't gone

when we get back we gonna handle this [
__] bruce wayne style with a bat...man.

We will confiscate her chairs and
tables and then tell her legal guardian

[Alex] but with bats

[Randall] no bats

[Alex] there may or may not be a bat

[Randall] No.

God what is it with kids these days? I
know they're so disrespectful... right?

They don't listen. I know she keeps messing
around. I swear to god she'll get a step dad.

Alex can be a bit...passionate when he gets
going about certain subjects... it's a little

overwhelming at first, but iIve found things
to do with the extra time... like paperwork.

[Alex] I tell you another thing. I am
sick of these [__] calling my phone

talking about bills I don't got it. If I
had it, I'd pay it...y'all being ridiculous.

[Randall] In some of the longer ones...
i've been able to get even more done.

[Alex] who the [__] lets their kids talk
like that? I bet they don't go to church.

I've never felt such disrespect
from trying to help somebody out.

[Randall] uno.

[Alex] I'm trying to let
you make a profit legally.

[Randall] Dos...Tres...
[Alex] I gave you the form.

You threw it in my face

[Randall]Quatro... I like that.

[Alex]... and that's why I got
mean girls tatted on my back

You do something with your hair?

No.

You've seen radio though right?
Yeah.

With scuba gooding jr? If you ain't seen
radio, you gotta check it out, He plays...

he plays ...this guy who don't, he
don't have to go to school a lot,

and they let him join the football team but...
no he don't join the football team does he?

Yeah, no.

I'd make a hell of a stepdad to
tell you that much, bedtime 4:30

every day. Taking the mom to bed 4:55.

Should we go back? There's been enough time...
it's been two hours, Randall. It's been 2 hours.

Se siente...
I didn't know you spoke spanish, Randall.

recientemente... alright here we go ...

Wow, thanks so much, mister!

What do you losers want?
We gave you time to leave Burbank Barbie.

Dude, you're really on my nuts right now.
Are you into little girls or something?

What, no... and if i wasn't the little
girls they'd be way hotter than you...-that

that came out wrong.
Yeah that's what i said to your dad last night.

He is a saint!
Hey, this is a child, okay!

You're an adult.

Sesame street, come on!

You ain't even worth it... you're a baby.

You know what? I probably make more
from lemonade than you make in a week.

[Randall] yeah, could be true.

I make a decent living.

what's that smell? do you smell
that? it smells like a [__]?

oh yeah...

I will end you! Do you understand me?
I swear to...-no I'm cool, I'm cool.

You fake cop!

I swear to you this will be
your last day on this earth.

[Barb] Hey...hey...what is going on?

[Alex] Okay, I will end THIS!

[Randall] hey, hey, hello...-
how are you? We were just here...

[Alex] Don't speak for me, Randall I got
this, I got it, I got it. Hi how are you?

[Barb]Hi...

[Alex] Um so we were politely talking to
your daughter and she was being a total d*ck!

what?

oh no naughty words!

oh get the [__] out of here

Alex, resident

What...you... you saw all of it

Okay, okay I'm...I'm...I'm slowly
recognizing the situation.

[Randall] Professional.

Okay hi again, um I am sincerely
sorry for the outburst that's my bad.

We've gotten some complaints about your
daughter's lemonade stand around the neighborhood

and we politely asked her to shut it down and
she has been extremely difficult throughout

the entire situation, she's called
us names, she's been cursing at us,

she said she slept with my dad, which I
haven't seen him in a while... I have no proof.

[Barb] How dare you accuse my sweet bella
of using colorful language you son of a

[__] ,she would never use language like that!
I don't even know where she would get it from.

You should be ashamed of yourself. We live
in a christian household full of love and

respect and I'm not gonna let some punk-a*s
security guard tell me to raise my [__] kid.

[Randall] Uh christi...?

...I know she had a permit because
I gave her the money myself.

They also said that I wasn't cute, mom!

I didn't say that, I did not say she wasn't cute.
I said that if I were into little girls...they'd

be way cuter than her
-GASP-

...-and that's still not what I meant!

What are you the white r kelly right
now? go just go go go back to the

car I'm so sorry about everything...I'm so sorry.

[Alex] I have sex with women of age, okay...

[Randall] Ahtttt...all right

Is her father present in her life?

[__] off

Bro, what the hell was that?

Okay I know I messed up you didn't
have to roll over for that [__] kid!

okay all right listen, all right
before you get a little bit

overreacted and everything just
...let's just say I have a plan.

This is oughta be good

[Randall on phone] Hey Tandall... yeah you
good?... yeah I'm good... yeah, you? Yeah. You?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, well it was good talking
to you ...yeah yeah is Ava available?

[Randall to Alex] it's my niece

Your brother's name is Tandall?

Yeah, good old Tan.

Hey sir, do you want some
lemonade? It's only 50 cents!

50 cents nah, it's cheaper down the street.

Lemonade here...lemonade get your lemonade.
Lemonade neighborhood lemonade stand

Thank you for a patronage, sir.
Make sure to tell your friends!

Oh hello ma'am, care for an ice
gold class of five cent lemonade?

Oh hi Bella...would you be interested in a glass?

How are you selling for five cents a glass?

We can't we just have to you know keep
selling at a loss until you go bankrupt...

you just got amazon-ed you little [__]

Yes, and if you don't get your permit straight
you're going to keep getting undercut, doll.

Do what did you do with the
money i gave you for the permit?

[__] off mom

After some persuasion Bella agreed to
actually get the permits her mother paid for.

Plan worked like a charm.

Yeah and she's lucky it did because if she
didn't i was ready for that plan B...A...T

Ay Dios Mio!

When did you have time to learn Spanish?

Randall!?