01x09 - Emily Fawcett, Xenia Greene & Idara Inokon

[bunniefuu]

Hey, everybody. We're still locked down.

Safer at home. I hope you are too.

You know, there are so many emerging heroes

in this pandemic.

Doctors, of course, nurses, of course, but deliverymen,

mail carriers, grocery store workers.

I've often heard it said that nurses are there

when you take your first breath

and often are there when you take your last.

So today I wanted to talk to three nurses

who are in New York City

at the epicenter of this pandemic.

Joining me, Xenia Greene, a pediatric ICU nurse

at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx,

Idara Inokon, a cardiovascular intensive care unit nurse

at Brooklyn Methodist Hospital,

and Emily Fawcett, who's a float nurse

working the COVID-19 units

at the Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan.

-Hello there! -Hi!

-Hey! -Hi.

-Hi, hi, hi, hi. -Oh, my goodness.

Good to see y'all.

Emily, Idara, Xenia, I know that you are all

under such enormous pressure right now,

so I consider it a privilege that you would give me

and the rest of the country this time

to talk to us about what's going on.

Thank you. Thank you all so much.

And as you probably know, throughout the world,

you and everyone who's in your field

have become heroes to all of us

and I think I speak for the rest of the world,

I can honestly in this case say I speak

for the rest of the world when I say

our hearts are with you, our prayers are with you.

Those are not hollow prayers.

We feel deeply and can only imagine

what you all are going through but are so truly grateful.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

-Thank you for that. -Yes.

So I'll start with you, Emily.

Let's talk about what's going on

in your hospital right now, 'cause you're there.

Yes, I'm here right now.

This is my fifth 13-hour shift of the week, actually.

Fifth 13-hour shift?

And where are you?

I'm at Lenox Hill Hospital in Manhattan.

-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.

And it's just-- it's been a crazy week.

Things are really ramping up here.

We're having codes every minute.

You might hear some go off as I'm sitting here.

But it's getting scary here.

It's starting to get scary.

I can start to feel it.

And what does it mean when we hear code?

That means someone is dying?

Someone's dying,

someone needs to be put on a ventilator,

intubated, not doing well, escalated up the level of care.

Mm.

And we all know that New York

is at the epicenter of the virus right now,

and right-- I think as we speak,

there are over 10,000 new cases a day,

and Xenia, you work in the Bronx.

How are you holding up?

Oh, my gosh, every day, walking into work,

it is incredibly scary.

Like Emily described, we are hearing rapid response

or pediatric medical emergency overhead pages

five or six times an hour,

which is, like we described, an indication

that someone is doing poorly

and needs a higher level of care,

and in the Bronx, you know,

that community is so underserved,

and they have people with multiple comorbid,

you know, other medical diagnoses

that makes them more susceptible to dying.

And Idara, you're in Brooklyn,

and I hear your hospital changes

drastically with every shift.

- How so? - Yes.

So over the last few weeks,

we went from having just a handful to cases

to hundreds and hundreds of COVID-positive cases,

and so every single shift, the staffing is shifting,

they're trying to accommodate for the increased demands

for critical care nurses,

and so you kind of never know what you're going in--

you never know what you're going into.

And how are you holding up?

I want to ask that of each of you.

For me, I think what has been

particularly challenging

is just-- not even just what's going on

inside the hospital but outside the hospital.

I have several friends and loved ones who have been,

you know, confirmed COVID-positive,

some who are doing well

and some who are really critical,

and so even this morning when I came home from work,

one of my friends was giving me an update on her mom

in the hospital and I broke down, to be honest,

because it's-- I can't escape it.

Everywhere I go, it's some type of...

-Yeah. -Aftermath of COVID-19.

And so it just kind of makes me feel like I'm living

in this dream that I can't wake up from.

And Emily, I heard that you were even having

some kind of, like, panic attacks, anxiety attacks,

and that you cry in the shower?

Yeah, so my roommate who's a nurse in Manhattan

tested positive for COVID-19 two weeks ago,

so it was that day I found out,

I just had a complete panic attack.

I was like, I can't escape it. I can't escape it at home.

I can't escape it at work.

And it was just so overwhelming, but then--

And what does a panic attack

feel like when you're having it?

I just, you know, my teeth

were chattering so badly.

I was, like, sh**t, do I have a fever now?

But just really bad chattering teeth.

And it was really scary, it was not good.

But you let yourself have a moment

to release in the shower, you do?

I do.

You know, I hold up really well at work.

I'm pretty good under pressure.

I do break down at work, obviously,

but sometimes I'm just in the shower,

I play some music, and I just--

I cry, and I scream, and it feels really good.

Mm.

So yeah, I-I heard

that you believe it's better not to let

patients see you-- see your concern.

Yeah, I mean, I think, overall, in our profession,

we keep, internally, our fears and our anxieties.

We don't want others to know,

especially patients or families,

what we're feeling inside

because we want to be that soothing presence

when we're in the room with them.

But then I have my hour drive home,

and I try to decompress from all of that,

listening to music,

when I get home going out for walks,

walking my dog, doing everyday things

that people do to try to have some--

you need some downtime, right?

You need time where you're just not thinking

about this disease.

I heard that you had said to one of my producers

that you feel sometimes like what's happening

in your hospital is like fighting

a burning house with a water p*stol.

-Mm. -Yeah.

Absolutely, because, you know, as a New York City paramedic,

I know exactly the kind of protective gear

I need to have on if I was in a biological warfare,

and I know that this is not a biological warfare,

but what we're walking into, for example,

the outfit that Emily has on,

does not protect you against COVID-19.

Right, and so the PPEs, personal protective equipment,

is not what we should be wearing,

and so no matter how many nurses

you bring into the hospital, if that's what we're wearing,

we're all just gonna get sick.

Is this the--

Is this the extent of your protective gear,

or are you wearing more

if you were not speaking to me right now?

I normally would wear more,

yeah, I would have on two masks,

a face shield, and also a plastic gown.

Yeah.

So do you feel that you have

sufficient medical protective gear right now?

- As of now, yes. - Mm-hmm.

We've worked really hard to get our PPE here,

but I don't know what next week will hold.

I could walk into the hospital and be told

there's no more gloves or no more masks.

You know, I don't know what next week brings.

Yeah. Do you feel you have enough where you are, Xenia?

Oh, abs-- no, absolutely not,

'cause every day, something, we run out of something.

If it's not the bonnets, it's the masks.

If it's not the masks, it's a shield.

And so we're reusing it.

We're wiping it down

and putting it in a little brown paper bag

and reusing it, or--

You're wiping down

and also reusing materials,

masks and things, I've heard,

correct me if I'm wrong, reusing things

that under normal circumstances you never would be reusing.

-Correct. -Never. Never.

Typically, when you have a patient

that has an infection, whether it's a virus

or pneumonia, you would put on your mask,

put on your gown, walk into your room,

address your patient, and take everything off,

wash your hands, and walk out,

and every time you enter the room,

you would put on a new set of masks and gown.

We're not doing that now.

I mean, nurses all over are telling me

that they're using them for multiple days,

they're using them for the entire shift.

-Yeah. -That is not sanitary.

And that is not gonna protect nurses

or anybody else in the community.

What are you in need of?

N95s.

- N95s, the masks. - Yeah.

The thing about the N95 is that over time,

it loses its effectiveness, right, and so we're--

so for us who are in exclusively

COVID-positive units,

everywhere I go, I'm exposed to this virus,

and so having an effective

respirator is really important.

I wore my first one brought to--

given to me by the hospital for almost two weeks.

But absolutely, N95 mask, I think,

are probably at the top of the list for...

I actually, when you said you wore yours for two weeks,

I looked at Xenia's face, she went...

I know.

- It was that or... - Yeah.

I've gotten away with, for four days, I usually--

-I can wear my same N95 mask. -Yeah.

That two weeks for me was six or seven shifts,

so it's not particularly 14 days,

but six or seven shifts I had to wear it, so...

Xenia, you describe your hospital as a warzone.

Yeah, I mean, like I was saying before,

when you're-- when you are in a pediatric

intensive care unit like I am,

you're not used to seeing so many or hearing so many

pediatric medical emergencies or rapid responses.

So these are not children, though, I want to just clarify,

these are not children, these-- you've taken over

the pediatric ward and put COVID patients there,

who are not children, correct?

No, actually, we have both.

We have kids on my floor as well

that are COVID-positive that are intubated,

and we have now adults because we took

all of the children from two floors

and consolidated them to one floor,

and then the other two floors are one is completely all adult

COVID-19-positive patients, and my floor

is still continuing to have pediatric

ICU COVID-positive patients and adults.

-Who are children. -Yep.

Yeah, I just want to clarify that

because you know the message that so many people

have received is that this does not affect children.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's not completely true.

It does affect children.

Not to the ferocity as it has adults,

but also if you have kids that have

other underlying medical conditions,

those are the kids that we're seeing with this,

that have other underlying, either cancers

or heart disease or congenital disease,

those are the kids that we're treating with this.

One of the things that we are hearing

that is so disturbing is that--

and you all tell me if you've experienced this--

that one moment, a patient can be speaking,

talking on the phone, seemingly okay,

and in a matter of minutes, certainly a matter of hours,

that changes and that person is being coded.

- Yeah. - It happened

last night to me.

I was working in the emergency room,

and I had taking care of this patient almost all day.

There was no room upstairs,

so he was sitting with me downstairs,

and all of a sudden, he changed rapidly,

and I had to call a rapid response

down to the emergency room,

but it literally happens within seconds.

Someone will be up talking to you on their cell phone,

and then their breathing changes,

they start to act a little funny,

and you're calling a code on them.

Wow.

And I think that's one part

that makes it a little--

adds to the anxiety in the hospital,

especially on critical care units.

Our patients are already intubated,

but at any moment, something can change.

You could look across your floor

and it be completely calm and everyone's stable,

and then within 20 seconds, your patients are crashing.

That actually happened to me last week.

I had a 14-year-old COVID-19 patient,

and he literally was doing fine

and we were decreasing the ventilator

'cause we were like, we're in a good place,

and then all of a sudden, within maybe 15, 30 seconds,

his heart rate dropped, his blood pressure dropped,

I overhead the doctors, they instantly came.

We gave him breaths, we doubled his pressers,

and he's, thank God, still alive today.

You, Xenia, before you became a nurse, you were a paramedic

during 9/11.

And you say that this pandemic in some ways

resembles what happened in 9/11.

How so?

The generosity of people, of everyday people,

that are giving lunches, writing on sidewalks, you know,

that you're walking with heroes if you enter this hospital.

Mm.

Neighbors that are calling

to make sure that I'm okay.

Restaurants delivering food to nurses

and therapists and doctors.

Like, all of that community and all of that love

and support from everyday people is--

is literally breathtaking, and that very much reminds me

of everything that was happening soon after 9/11.

But do you also find-- I think--

I find that incredible too, how we come together

as a tribe of humans to support one another at this time,

and I know all of you all are experiencing it

probably even in your individual hospitals.

People are rallying with each other.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I mean, all I have to do if I had a horrible day

was go outside at 7:00 at night, and I just--

it's the first time I usually take a deep breath all day.

The cold air hits my face, and there's just cheering

and clapping, and now the firemen

are coming around with their fire trucks

and their lights and sirens, and it's just--

it just is the best part of my day.

Mm.

And I hear you started something called Hope Huddles.

-Yeah. -Hope Huddles.

And what is that? Explain to us what that is.

So I was on a late-night text

with some of my ER nurse friends,

and they were just telling me how they were having

panic attacks and it was-- they were crying at work,

and, you know, I think ER nurses

are some of the toughest nurses out there,

and we need our ER nurses strong,

and so they're just getting hit with everyone coming in

and having to get intubated

and they send their patients up to the floors

and they have no idea if they're recovering,

if they're dying, if they're going home,

and I work up on the floors sometimes,

so I'm hearing all these beautiful stories

of recovery and people coming off the ventilator,

so I really wanted to find a way to get that information

back down to the emergency room,

because the emergency room doctors and nurses,

they desperately need that information,

they need to know people are coming off ventilators.

They need to know people are going home.

They need that light.

They need that hope right now.

So that's what the Hope Huddle is,

when you come together and say,

this is the good thing that happened today.

-Exactly. -They need to know

that the 14-year-old who'd been intubated is off.

So how worried are you all about your own health,

and have you seen in your own hospitals

your colleagues succumb to this disease?

I've had several coworkers

who have been confirmed COVID-positive,

and some of them are doing well, thank God,

and some of them are still struggling.

And so for me, I think it was just a wake-up call.

I consider myself to be a young healthy individual,

but this really-- I'm seeing patients

who are 19 or 28

or 32 or 45.

I, myself, I'm 30 years old.

I know that regardless of how healthy I think I am,

this virus really isn't a respecter of persons,

and so I have just been really doing

as my due diligence with my PPE,

with what's provided to me,

good hand hygiene, and really doing what I can

to reduce my exposure as much as possible

because I've seen both sides of the coin, so...

Mm.

You worried about yourself, Xenia?

You know what, I don't have the time to worry about myself.

There is too many people

that need me in the hospital and at home,

I have a son and my husband,

so I'm actually not worried about myself.

But I am worried that people are very isolated right now,

and so I do hope that the message is

to please pick up the phone and call your neighbor,

check in on the people that you haven't seen.

And give people that space

to collect themselves, to cry,

to have an anxiety attack, and then regroup.

So I was just thinking for you all

who have done this work,

you made a choice to be a nurse,

a paramedic, a caregiver,

but never faced a crisis such as this one.

What has this taught you about yourself?

For me, particularly,

it's kind of shifting how I see fear.

And I feel like now more than ever,

the anxiety and the fear is just ever-present,

and I was explaining to someone that fear

is like a fire, right,

so as we see in fires in California,

when it's let wild,

it will consume everything in its path.

But when you can contain it--

I have a gas stove, for example,

so when the fire comes up, I'm able to cook my eggs

and that fire can be, you know,

channeled for something good, and so for me,

I've been accepting the fear of being very centered

and aware of myself that, okay, you're nervous,

you're anxious about this,

but really trying to channel it into courage,

really trying to channel it into motivating myself

to be able to motivate others.

You know, it's not what good am I gonna be

if I crumble at work, which is very human

and that's fine and there's opportunities for that,

but really taking the fear and using it as the fire

that's gonna cook, you know.

Wow, that makes my eyes water to hear you say that,

that you're taking your fear and channeling it into courage.

That is a beautiful thing.

It's a process,

'cause it's much easier said than done,

but I think for me, that's what I'm learning.

It's like, this may not end. Like, this may not end.

We're projecting in the hospitals

to feel the weight of this for months to come.

- And it's like... - Wow.

I can't crumble now.

This is just the beginning,

so that's what I'm learning.

You are heroes.

Xenia, what is it teaching you about yourself?

That I'm stronger than I think.

Yeah. You know what just came into my mind?

As you were pausing?

Whitney Houston's song,

"I Didn't Know My Own Strength."

As you were pausing, that's what I was thinking.

That is exactly right.

I didn't know my own strength,

and it's making me reach even further

than I ever thought imaginable.

And I think that it's also showing us as a nation

that we can come together, right,

that it doesn't matter

what political affiliation you have,

what economic situation you're in,

this is an equal opportunity assaulter

and together we're gonna--

we're gonna fight it and we're gonna win.

-And there is hope. -That's good.

That's really good.

Emily, what has it taught you about yourself?

Ms. Hope Huddles?

I think just how brave I am.

How fearless and selfless I am.

I think all of us are all of those things right now.

You know, we never asked,

did New York City want to be the epicenter of this,

we never asked, you know, can you treat COVID patients?

We just did.

That's what nurses do.

We just do.

None of us worried about ourselves.

We just showed up and we're gonna continue

to show up every single day to fight for our city.

So yeah, just brave-- how brave we all are.

Yeah, do you feel like it is a fight for the city?

Do you feel a certain, like...

- Yeah. - Yeah.

We are fighting for New York City right now.

Yeah, it's all hands on deck.

What role has faith played in this?

Has it made you more spiritually conscious, aware?

For me, personally, as a Christian, you know,

Christ has already been, like, the center

of my nursing career because you have to have

something to ground you as a nurse,

again because this is an unprecedented crisis,

but we've also, as nurses, have all gone through tragedies

and tragic situations and trying times.

I know for me there's one particular scripture

that really has been encouraging me,

and that's Isaiah 41:10, and it just says,

"Fear not, do not be dismayed,

for I am your God and I am with you."

And every morning, I just am like, okay,

I don't have to fear, God is with me.

And so, from a faith perspective,

it has been trying but it has been also

a beautiful and edifying time as well.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you have to have faith, I think,

to be a pediatric intensive care unit nurse,

because you are dealing with kids

that are really, really sick, and some rarely,

but some don't actually make it,

and so if you don't have that solid base grounding,

you can just be, you know,

completely depressed about your work.

So I feel like nurses in general, it's a calling.

-And a gift. -For sure.

Emily, you want to add anything to that?

You know, I just am feeling a crazy

spiritual connection to New York right now.

I've never felt anything like this.

I truly feel like I'm showing up

to the front lines every day with New York with me,

with my family with me, my friends with me,

and it's that energy

that's literally bringing me to work,

and, you know, I'm showing up every day because of that,

and I'm showing up for New York,

and it's just a really weird energy

that I'm feeling from my city.

Yeah.

And you'd rather-- okay, so,

you all can say this together, I know what it is,

but those of us who are staying safer at home,

what can we do to support all of you?

-Stay home. -Stay home.

-Stay home. -Stay home.

Please stay home.

Well, I can't thank you enough for giving me this time

and sharing it with everyone

who's watching this throughout the world,

and, you know, whoever wrote that on the ground,

"when you walk into this building,

you're walking with heroes,"

that's the sentiment

we all share right now, so thank you.

Xenia, Emily, Idara, thank you so much.

-Thank you. -Thank you so much.

-God bless you all. -Thank you, Oprah.

-Thank you so much. -Prayers. Prayers.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

-Real ones. -Thanks.

-Thanks, guys, that was great. -Thanks.

Wait, so I'm gonna go quickly, Oprah,

grab some of my coworkers to do a quick Hope Huddle

with you guys if that's okay.

Okay, let's do a Hope Huddle.

-Okay. -That would be awesome.

- What a great idea. - I know.

Hope Huddle's good.

These are my friends, Oprah.

-Hi, guys. -Hi, guys.

-Welcome. -Hi, everyone.

-Hi. -Hi.

All right, what can we say in the Hope Huddle today?

What good news do we have to share?

Well, we had over 200 discharges

of COVID patients that have gone home.

-Yay! -Yay.

We've had multiple, multiple, each day,

patients come off ventilators.

And that is because of the exceptional care

of all of the health care providers.

Their resilience, they're here every day,

and they provide such exceptional care

under the most difficult circumstances.

-Wow. -Awesome.

Well, thank you for giving us a little hope

in our own huddle here.

-Yes. -Thank you so much.

-Thank you. -God bless you all.

God bless you all. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing that with us, Emily.

Bye, all.

-Thank you. -Bye-bye.

And everybody, we want to help.

Everybody who says they want to help, stay home.

Home!

-Stay home. -Stay home.

Stay home.

Make their jobs easier.

-Stay home. -Yeah, thank you.

-Thanks, everyone. -Thank you.

Bye.

-Bye, all. -Bye, all.