01x09 - Slay

[bunniefuu]

- [Announcer] Previously on "Ezra".
- I'm looking for the psychology department.

- I'm here to meet a friend.
- [Amber] Who?

- Tall, annoying, sounds like a banshee.
- Ugh, Ezra.

- (suspenseful music)
- You know Ezra?

You and I are gonna go for a
drink later to talk about your friends.

- One of your other therapy patients was looking for you.
- Other patients?

- What was her name?
- Kylo.

Kylo is like Aniya's best friend, sidekick,
confidant. Honestly, I don't know.

- It's like a very weird power dynamic.
- Wait, who's Aniya?

- Wait, Aniya as in vampire k*ller cousin Aniya?
- Yes, thank you for validating my crisis.

- (suspenseful music)
- She is...

- Here.
- What took you so long?

- This fairy world is making you slow.
- Ian has has nothing to do with this.

- And neither did Nathaniel.
- That was different.

- He was my love, and you m*rder*d him.
- If you f*cking touch him, I'll k*ll you.

- Well, you had 4 years.
I just need five minutes.

- Like how does she know?
- How does who know?

Aniya, okay? No
one ever listens to me.

- I'm listening.
- It's like, she wants me to leave.

You know what I'll do? I'll leave.
Do I get a bon voyage package? No.

Do I get a thank you? No.
You know what I get Derek?

- I don't.
- I get a panic attack brought on

by a f*cking failed death threat.
Oh my god. I feel like Joshua Bassett

- after Olivia Rodrigo got her driver's license.
- And how does that make you feel?

Defeated, sad, I don't know. Why
are you asking me so many questions?

- Trying to stimulate the mind.
- Hello, Earth to Mars landing.

- My mind is obviously stimulated.
- You're the therapist.

I'm a mess. I mean,
look at you, stuffed broccoli.

Ezra, it's 222. Who are
you to judge who we love?

That's it. (Rock music)

♪ Me and my girls
♪ Yeah, call us a coven

♪ When it comes loving
♪ They got my back

♪ When I go on
trusting ♪ Boys like you

♪ You're gone and
buried ♪ The cemetery

♪ Boy, ain't it scary ♪
R.I.P you're dead to me

♪ You're gone and buried
♪ I hope you're ready

♪ Boy, ain't it scary ♪
R.I.P you're dead to me

♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die ♪ ♪ Die

♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die ♪ ♪ Die

♪ R.I.P you're dead to me -
When I first got here, I was careful.

Careful, never to slip up.
Careful, never to be caught.

Careful to never get outed, literally.
After centuries of living in the shadows,

all I wanted to do was step into the light.
I never thought I could have this life

with Gwen, Ian, the humans. I
always thought they were the scary ones,

the insane, the ill-informed. I mean,
have you seen the movie, "Cats"?

- I couldn't even imagine what this would be like.
- The f*ck are you doing in my house?

My god. Is that a body?

- "Oh my god, is that a body?" Yeah.
- Excuse me.

Men are so emotional. (Screams)

Or maybe for so long, I wanted
something I thought I could never have.

So I made up every other reason
or distraction to avoid that realization.

So I never had to accept that
reality, so I never had to feel that pain.

Yet, here I am, standing coldblooded and happy
in the exact spot I thought I'd never be.

Oh my god, good morning.
How are we doing today?

- Are we all excited to die tonight?
- No one is dying.

Oh my god, hi. My name is
Ezra. It's so nice to meet you,

since you obviously forgot the live
action horror movie we saw last night.

I just don't get it. If a treaty
was made in the first place,

then the humans were obviously
able to kick the vampire's asses, right?

- Elaborate.
- If Aniya signed a treaty in the first place

to keep the vampire hunters and
the vampires from k*lling each other,

then that means the vampire hunters
were obviously successful at k*lling them.

- Otherwise, why have a treaty?
- Meaning there's a way for humans to k*ll vampires.

- This is so insensitive.
- We're not k*lling you.

- It's the principle.
- Okay. Come on guys, reel it in.

Unless one of you has some
magic g*n that is strong enough to k*ll

the most powerful vampiress of literally all
time, I suggest we sing "Kumbaya", get blacked out

- and destroy our last few hours on earth.
- Hey Aaron, how's it going?

- Ezra.
- Oh, I don't give a sh*t Eric.

Shut the f*ck up. We're
gonna be dead soon anyways.

- What did you say?
- Oh, oh yeah.

Aniya and I have been like hanging out.
Who knew blood was such a kink. Crazy, eh?

Well you knew because you're a little g*y vampire lover
boy. We're gonna miss you. We really will. (Chuckles)

Later, freaks.
(people murmuring)

- Well, you really do attract what you put out.
- As if it couldn't get any weirder.

Wait, if Amber's in cahoots with
Aniya, what happened to that other girl?

- (Kylo panting)
- Morning?

- Who are you?
- Who am I?

Oh, that is such a loaded question
these days. Well, let's start.

My pronouns are
he/him. I'm a Virgo.

I think I'm straight, but who
really is anymore these days?

- Don't move.
- f*ck you.

- (Kylo screaming)
- Kylo Konstine.

- You've been around for some time.
- A hunter.

- I thought we k*lled all of you.
- Guess you missed one.

So here's how this is gonna
go. I'll ask you a question.

You give me the correct answer,
and I won't rip open your insides.

- Where's Aniya?
- How did you know I was here?

Same way you knew about
Ezra, through the blood vein.

It was you. You're the
one who sent the message.

Well, I mean, I don't want to take all the
credit. There are male couriers and drivers,

and I mean, they just work
through an entire global pandemic.

Can you not be so f*cking
insensitive? (Kylo screaming)

Where's Aniya? (Kylo spits)

Answer the f*cking question.
Are you f*cking deaf?

(Kylo shouting) (panting)

(wood thumping)
Stop, you f*cking b*tch.

Why? You scared a woman's about
to beat your a*s? (Kylo shouting)

(wood thumping)
(suspenseful music)

It's okay. Must make a new
enemy anyway. (Suspenseful music)

(Kylo roaring) (shouting)

(Kylo panting) What are you?

(Kylo panting) -
I'm not most men.

(laughter) - You ever heard of
clover henbane and monkshood?

- No.
- Yeah. Well, besides being the most powerful holy herbs,

they're also surprisingly
really good for a juice cleanse.

Have fun in hell,
b*tch. (Kylo panting)

(laughter) (dramatic music)

- (footsteps thumping)
- You need to leave.

- I won't.
- Gwen is going to be here in 3 minutes.

When she gets here, you're going
to go with her. Do you understand?

- If I leave, I'm never gonna see you again.
- There is so much more to life

than the cage I have put you
guys in. Promise me you'll go.

(Ian screaming)
(suspenseful music)

- This is why you need to leave.
- Where are you going?

A family f*cking
reunion. (Upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)