01x06 - Chapter Six: Who Even Are We Now?

[bunniefuu]

[ engine revving ]

[ rock music playing ]

[ door alarm dinging ]

What the f*ck, bro?

You think you can just cut me
the f*ck off back there?

You f*cking as*h*le!
I'm f*cking talking to you!

Hey! Look at me,
m*therf*cker!

[ gasping ]

What the f*ck?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait.
No, look, man.

I'm real sorry, man.
Don't f*cking do it.

I didn't mean to...
[ whimpers ]

[ gasps ]

That's a cute car.

Is that your mother's car?
You have a safe f*cking
trip, yeah?

- [ gasps ]
- Hey, how far is Ocala?

-Nine hours, Daddy.
-Let's go get that
m*therf*cker, yeah?

- m*therf*cker!
- m*therf*cker!

[ tires squeal ]

[ gasps ]

f*ck!

[ theme music playing ]

- [ indistinct chatter ]
- [ music playing ]

woman: Okay, guys,
let's go. [ chuckles ]

Come on.

Oh. No.
You never eat at a table
with the little kids.

Kids do gross sh*t.

They snot all over everything,
they touch their
own assholes...

It's f*cking gross.

I hate mushrooms.

I'll eat your f*ck' mushrooms.

You guys wanna see me down it?

I'm hanging with a bunch
of pussies. [ laughs ]

Okay.

Girl: So cool.

[ gags ]

Holy sh*t!
I need water!

- That's not so hard.
- [ girl laughing ]

girl: Why did
you do that?
Oh, my God.

Girl:
Are you crying?

I need to pee.

I bet you do.

[ chuckles ]

sh*t. Truancy raid!

All right!
Y'all know the drill.

And no cussing
on the way to the van.

Huh? Let's go, girlie.

Don't you f*ck' touch me.

I don't even go
to your stupid school.

You keep that up,
and I'm gonna have to call
your parents, all right?

-You, check her bag
for contraband.
-Hey, give it back!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Stop that!

What the f*ck!

Put me down!
I don't go to his
f*cking school!

Walsh:
Not so tough now, are you?

Where's the girl?

Uh, I don't know which girl
you mean, but the truancy cops
just raided this b*tch.

[ tires squeal ]

Who are you?

I mean, kneeing that narc
in the ba*ls like that...

Move over Cate Blanchett,
I think I found my new
spirit animal.

Please tell me you're new here.

I'm just on vacation,
or whatever.

In Richmond Hill?
[ snorts] Why?

Because mind ya own business,
that's why.

- Oh! She's sassy.
- Okay.

Is there some sort of way
we can bust out of here?

Like a f*cking fire alarm
we can pull, or something?

You're low-key hilarious.

This is lunch detention,
not prison. Plus, don't you
need your bag?

Jenny: They'll give it
back to you later.

But for now, we should
probably just chill

-and wait to see what
the snack is.
-Mmm-hmm.

They feed you
during detention here?

Don't worry, if it's bland,
we got some

Flamin' Cheetos
stashed over in Non-Fiction.

So, you're hanging out with us
after school. That's a thing.

Yep.

[ exclaiming ]

Man! This hotel's is on
some four-star sh*t!

I can use this fancy
lotion, right?

Take it. Take the soap.
Take everything.
I don't care.

Don't people mingle
and sh*t at conferences?

Should you get down there?

Not yet.
I've got to get settled,

gotta iron some shirts,
work on my speech...

We could just bail
and get back to finding Wayne.

Cole: No. Can't.

The Superintendent is gonna
be following up on how I do,

since she knows
there's a chance
to get some grant money.

How much cash we talkin'?

I don't know. Enough to buy
some computers and other
computer things.

But I can't do anything
with the room like this.

Oh, sh*t. You haven't even
started on your speech yet.

What? Yes, I have.
You don't... What are you
talking about?

You're procrastinating.

I do the same thing
when I have a big paper due.

I'll clean my room,
pick up those tiny
fuzz ba*ls off my sweaters...

I wrote it, okay? Basically.
It's all up here.

Why don't you go relax
by the pool, downstairs?

Because what's the point, okay?

It doesn't even
matter what I say.
We're never gonna get a grant.

And even if we did,

you know what those kids
are gonna do with the
technology it buys?

They're immediately
gonna break it,

steal it, or pour
chocolate milk into it.

So, what's the point?

You know they have a sauna
down there, too, right?

Maybe you're right.
We should brainstorm
some ideas.

What have you got?

[ exhales ]

Dude, could you
just go downstairs,
so I can watch my porn movies?

Please get dressed.

Hold up. How long
are you in town for?

Are you doing anything tonight?

Oh, f*ck yeah, dude. Good call.
Our super lame-a*s
Spring Fling's tonight.

Ugh! I'm not comin'
to your weird dance.
I don't even go here.

No, that doesn't matter.
We can bring whoever
we want as dates.

I am bringing this hot mess,

but I'm thinking,

we all go as a polyamorous
lezzy throuple, yeah?
[ giggles ]

Can you imagine
how hard they'd sh*t
their f*cking pants?

Look at how eeked out
this hoecake is already.

[ grunts ]

See that?

That's the international sign
for cunnilingus.

Of course, you wouldn't know
that because you're dating
a high school boy, right?

[ girls giggling ]

How about you?
You got anyone?
A guy? A girl?

I don't know.
I got a Wayne.

What the f*ck is "a Wayne"?

- [ tires screech ]
- [ motorbike revs ]

- [ tires screeching ]
- [ girl screams ]

boy: Holy sh*t!

- [ students exclaiming ]
- Hey!

[ tires squeal ]

I guess that's a f*ck' Wayne.

[ guard shouting ]

Is this the boy you had
a little kerfuffle with?

He means the dangerous criminal
who nail-gunned your hands
to a van.

Listen, when I talked
to the other cops,

the guys
who wore actual uniforms,
I told them everything I knew.

- [ cell phone rings ]
- Excuse me.

[ groans ]

Uh...

So, I'm assuming the hiring
circumstances were similar
to these gentlemen's?

I didn't find him on Linkedln,
if that's what you mean.

Did you pay him?

Of course, I f*ck' paid him.
And this is what I get for it?

Right.

Well, that doesn't
quite add up
now, does it?

-May I have my g*dd*mn
phone back, please?
-[ cell phone beeps ]

Look, the kids
are on the road, okay?
They need to eat.

I know you want to think
he's some kind of angel,

but if Wayne got desperate,

-we're gonna have serious
problems here.
-[ dial tone beeping ]

automated voice:
Welcome to the Fayetteville
Immigration Detention Center.

Our menu options have changed.
For English press 1.

You know, I came across
a gentleman in Massachusetts,

who had the darnedest scheme.

He'd hire workers
with questionable
citizenship status,

and at the end of the day,
instead of paying them,

-he'd turn them
in to Immigration.
-[ chuckles ]

Now, I hate to be rude,

so, allow me to translate for
our Spanish-speaking friends...

[ speaking Spanish ]

[ indistinct chatter
and laughter ]

I'm takin' you're not much
of a school-type, are ya?

People didn't like me much.

And I didn't like
them much back.

[ scoffs ] Me, neither.

I dunno.

Schools are always gonna
be filled with boneheads.

So's my house.
At least, at school,
I got a decent lunch.

I was actually good
at it, you know.
I had a best friend...

- I liked that pink soap.
- What?

The soap in the bathrooms.
Smells clean.

You got a weird thing
with smells, man.

You ever even
read a book before?

- Comics count?
- Jesus.

I read a book before.

- Yeah? What was it called?
- I don't remember.

- What was it about?
- Werewolves.

Figures.

There was also a lady
who was part tarantula.

Yeah, of course there was.

I don't know, maybe
it was just our school
that was sh*t.

Maybe if we went
someplace like this place,
it would be different.

Dude, that was the t*ts.

[ kissing ]

Jenny: Mrs. Prince
totally thought

that your motorcycle
was like a small earthquake.

She's like,
"This is what your
drills are for!

- Remember your training!"
- [ both laughing ]

Trish and Jenny.

- What's up?
- Trish: What's up?

Um...

[ chuckles nervously ]

- Nice to meet you.
- Jenny: Hi.

[ clears throat ]

Jenny: Okay.

So, you are coming
to Spring Fling with us.

Oh, yeah, 100%.

And we may need to make
an entrance on your bike.

Oh, my God! We should release
doves if we can find them.

Like a stupid dance?

With people dancing
to, like, stupid music?

Um, exactly.

But just for shits 'n gigs.
To rip on people,
like, ironically.

-Talk sh*t on all the jocks
tryin' get it in.
-[ both grunting ]

Don't ya need good clothes
to get into a stupid dance?

You know what?
Actually, it's cool.

My dad's girlfriend...
Uh, we can go to my place.

-She has all these psycho-sl*t
dresses that we can try on!
-[ laughs ]

Oh, my God,
and we can pre-game.
Like hard.

We're gonna pre-game.

I don't know.
Maybe it'll be fun?

But nothing they said
sounds like it.

No, no, no. We voted.
Um, seven to three.
You're going now.

- See ya.
- See ya later, ladies.

Maybe they'll have
that pink soap you like.

- Give me one of your peppers...
- Go f*ck yourself. Back off!

For the love of Christ,
will the two of you
shut the f*ck up?

Tryin' to see if these jag-offs
called about that demo job.

Would you f*ck off
with your sticky mitts!

f*cking machine, man.
It's a piece of sh*t.
It won't work.

-You hit seven?
-Hit seven, then
the access number.

What's the access number?

- Carl, access number?
- I don't know.

Oh, try Del's birthday.

[ slurps ]

- July 20th.
- Twentieth. Right.

[ beeping ]

Ha! Working.

[ Walsh on voicemail ]
Hi, Mr. or Mrs. Luccetti?
Am I saying that right?

[ clears throat ]
This is Vice Principal Walsh
from Alabaster High.

Give me some of your coleslaw...

Walsh: Your daughter
got detention...

She didn't have her student ID
and our system's down,

but we found
your number in her bag.

So, if you could come on in,
help sort this out,
that'll be great.

Unbelievable.

- [ engine starts ]
- I want some more sweet tea.

-Shut the f*ck up.
-Not before you
clean your ear...

Don't you f*cking touch me!

[ laughing ]

- f*ck you, Carl.
- f*ck you!

- f*ck you, m*therf*cker!
- f*ck you, m*therf*cker!

[ both continue arguing ]

Whoa. I love your room.

My dad's tragic
taste in girlfriends
did not disappoint...

-[ laughing ]
Look at these.
-f*cking Bridgette.

What, did your dad meet her
in a slutty mental hospital,
or something?

Is this fox dead?

Yeah, I took those.
Even roadkill deserves
to be remembered.

That's wicked weird.

Wait. "Wicked?"

Like "wicked"
like, witch wicked?

What?
No, wicked like, really.

Like if you see some dudes
struttin' down a street,

you're gonna be like,
"Look at that jabroni,
thinks he's 'wicked' hard..."

- What?
- Jabroni? [ laughing ]

Oh, honey, bless your heart.

Why does everyone
keep saying that?

I don't know, it's Southern
for, [ snickers ]
"I'm judging you."

Oh, Jesus.

[ Trish and Jenny laughing ]

Jenny: Anyway,
you should totally
sleep over tonight.

And you should also come
to our school full-time.

Oh, my God! Yes!
Dude, it could be
like this all the time.

- Like The Three Wicked b*tches!
- Oh, my God.

- So good.
- Del: How do I look?

I like you in
your regular clothes.

You need something,
too, you know.

Dude, got you, got you.

Uh, yes. This is from
my dad's third wedding.

Trish: Sheesh!

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Don't you like it?
It's got matching pants, too.

I don't care.

[ girls laughing ]

"And just like Middleweight
Champion Marvin Hagler,

Hagler High can take a beating.

That's why I believe we can
be a contender in the arena
of education."

[ sighs ] Jesus.

- Good Jesus, or bad Jesus?
- Bad Jesus.

If you can't
talk up Hagler to a bunch
of nerdy-a*s principals

who are ba*ls deep
into education,

how do you expect
to get through to Wayne,
a kid who hates school?

What do you want me to do?

Motivate me.
You gotta speak through here.

You're a friggin' principal.

Tap into why you wanted to be
one in the first place.

Honestly, I didn't.

I took a gym teacher temp job,

and next thing you know,
they made me Principal.

That's some
white privilege sh*t
right there.

That's what I said.

Listen, you got two options.

Reach deep down inside
and come up with a speech

that'll inspire people
to donate to our school,

or, half-a*s it, like you've
done your whole life,

and steal a speech
off the Internet like
your lazy-a*s students do.

-I'm gonna go with B.
The second thing.
-What the f*ck!

Speeches for Principal...

[ keyboard clacking ]

"To lead is to listen.
To educate is to understand.

To inspire, you must be
more than a prince or a pal."

[ chuckles ] I like that.

I'm using it.

- [ music playing ]
- [ girls chattering ]

[ sniffing ]

Del: Hey, Wayne!
Can you grab my hair clip
out of my bag?

Del: What the f*ck, Wayne?
You hear me?

[ camera shutter clicks ]

Oh, no, I need
more color than this.

Gonna add some cilantro.
How's that look?

Shades of Robin Hood, really.

- Cilantro?
- The boy.

Stealing from the rich,
helping the poor...

Sarge, we've now seen cases
of arson, as*ault,

a hole where a m*therf*cker's
nose used to be,

and you're still goin' on
like he's some type
of choir boy!

[ siren chirps ]

[ brakes screech ]

Well, sh*t. You ain't
gained a pound!

-Night yoga, my friend.
How's Connie?
-Good, good.

She just self-published
a kids' book

about a couple of seashells
learning to listen
to one other.

[ indistinct radio chatter ]

Well, you gotta jiggle
the handle. Jiggle it hard.

I wanna thank you
for sleuthin' out
that construction business.

To think I was
considerin' that as*h*le
for my kitchen remodel.

The reason I tracked
you down here...

Mayor over in Fayetteville,

he's got every cop he can get
out looking for a maniac who
assaulted his son

at a pit stop over in Fairmont.

Doused the kid in gasoline,
threatened to torch him.

Guess what, this particular
maniac had a Boston accent.

[ man on radio ]
I can't stop it.

- Well, get some more towels.
- Sorry, ran out already.

-How fast is
this thing flowing?
- 14...

- Evidence room.
- Getting the evidence now.

Damn, duty calls.
Anything else develops,
I'll let you know.

[ engine starts ]

All right, so, say we
chalk this up to a good kid
having a bad week,

and he's this Robin Hood-type
you think he is,

- then what?
- [ sighs ]

What are you hoping
to get out of this, Sarge?

I guess what I'm really
wondering is,

do we need to protect
Wayne from the world,

or do we need to protect
the world from Wayne?

It's like trying
to photograph this pea soup.

No matter how many
filters I put on,

it doesn't change the fact
that it still looks like
baby sh*t.

You know what'd
pull these together?
Ladies' monocles.

You guys, about this dance.

- Are we actually gonna dance?
- Ah, it depends.

Yeah, if a half dope song
comes on, I'll be like...

Oh, yeah!
It's my baby girl.

- "Wicked" hot. Say it.
- [ Del laughs ]

Wicked hot.

What about you,
New England Clam Chowder?

-Oh, you want to
see somethin'?
-Oh, yeah.

-All right, you wanna
see something?
-Let's go.

- Wayne: Del...
- Oh!

What the crud?
What took you so long?

- Where's my hairclip?
- Could we talk?

Not here?

-Trish: Dude, what the f*ck
is wrong with this guy?
-[ girls laughing ]

Del: Hey, we're almost done.

Will you stop acting
like such a f*cking weirdo?

I think you should stay.

What? Yeah, we're staying
for the dance...

It's fine. I get it.

What the hell's wrong with you?

I just think if you want
to stay, you should stay.

So, where the f*ck
are you going?

You'll have more fun without me.

So, you're just gonna
f*cking leave?

- Real cool move, d*ck!
- [ curtain clinking ]

I'll see you later, then?

So, should I cancel our
P.F. Chang's reservation?

They get real cunty
about last minute sh*t.

[ music playing ]

[ indistinct chatter]

Come on.

Guys, be honest with me.
Is this too f*cking much?

Nah, dude,
we look so f*cking
elegant right now.

For real, we look like
some top shelf
Helen Mirrens over here.

Dude, check out f*cking Jeremy.

Hey, dude, they have
to actually be into it,
you chode!

- Hey, you okay, lady bro?
- Yeah, man, fine.

[ soft music playing ]

[ indistinct chatter ]

- Hey, you know Trish and Jenny?
- Yeah, man. I know them.

Those two wild,
you know what I'm saying?

[ popping lips ]

- Can you give this to 'em?
- Sure, buddy.

I can't promise anything
right now. I just got into
some pretty dank nuggs.

That's pretty sweet, right?
Every Friday,
it's the same thing.

They come here,
order their mushroom pizza.

- I hate mushrooms.
- Yeah, so does he.

He hates the music in here,
the smell of the place.

He tells me every week
when she's not listening.

And I tell him,
"Man, I can make your pizza
half mushroom, half cheese."

But he wants it that way.

Just so he can pick them off,
and give them to her.

Sacrifice, man.

Oh, hey, hey?

He may not be eating mushrooms,
but you know what
he'll be eating later?

Vintage p*ssy.

Best to watch
the evidence in here.

It's the only room
in the building

not affected
by our unfortunate
plumbing situation.

- You sure about that?
- [ laughs ]

[ man on radio ]
Sir, we need you
on the third floor.

[ grunts ]

Look, fellas.
I gotta go. Good luck.

All right, so,
if we see legit
video proof of this kid

on the verge of straight-up
fiery m*rder, I just wanna
let you know that...

Just hit it, Jay.

[ beeps ]

It's not him.
[ chuckles softly ]
That ain't him.

Wait, that's the m*therf*cker
I tased!

[ audience applauding ]

man: Being a leader
is sometimes messy.

Both for you and the people
who work for you.

Maybe you're positive,
you know the right
road to take.

-Hey. What'd I miss?
-Hey, what are you
doing down here?

-I thought you
wanted alone time.
-[ applause ]

Turns out I only
needed three minutes.

All right. Just be quiet.
I'm up next.

Man: To lead is to listen.

To educate is to understand.

To inspire, you must
be more than a prince
or a pal...

-Oh, for f*ck's sake.
Oh, no, no, no.
-[ applause ]

He just steal
your stolen speech?

Dumbass. Should've scrolled
to the second one.

Man: I don't have to
look any further

than watching my own
teaching staff in action.

I am incredible...

[ upbeat music playing ]

- Hey, you like football?
- No.

Awesome, same.
Yeah, that's why I row.

Oh, honey, bless your heart.

[ music continues ]

[ laughs ]

[ knuckles crack ]

[ hip-hop music playing ]

[ both laughing ]

-Who is that?
-That's f*cking Wayne.
[ laughs ]

[ chants ] Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!

[ all chanting ] Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!

Whoa!

[ all cheering ]

Do you wanna dance with me?

I don't know.
How sweaty are your hands?

[ music playing ]

[ students cheering ]

Hey, how you doin'?
I'm, uh, Tom Cole.

Uh...

From Hagler High
in Brockton, Massachusetts.

It's named after
Marvelous Marvin Hagler.

- [ woman clears throat ]
- The boxer? 1980s? No?

When I was preparing
for this speech,

someone told me to dig deep
and speak from the heart.

So, I did some digging.
[ chuckles ] And you
know what's in there?

Hate. Lots and lots of hate.

[ clears throat ]

Hate for the kids,
my school, my job,

but, uh, mostly, for myself.

Man 1:
Then why are you here?

The gentleman wearing slacks
with sandals would like to know
why I'm here.

And, obviously, it's because
I'm trying to get a grant.

For some electronics
that'll end up being broken,
stolen, or sh*t on.

That's a true story, FYI.

Last time we got tablets,
someone took an actual
sh*t on one.

So, now, we need new tablets.

-But you know where
that sh*t comes from?
-man 2: Your a*s?

No, it comes from us.

It comes from the top.
And that sh*t trickles down.

Hell, I can't even look
most of the kids in the eye.

Uh, because if I do,

their snotty, pierced faces
just remind me that
I'm failing them.

Maybe some of you
have given up, too.

We know Sandals with Slacks
clearly has.

Okay, I mean, Jesus.
I mean, that's a bad Jesus,
by the way.

We know this guy has, okay.

'Cause he stole
that same speech
that I was gonna do.

He stole it from the Internet.

[ audience murmuring ]

Cole: Sorry.

So, alls I'm saying is,
we gotta work harder.

Maybe we gotta change first,

before we ask them to.

So, buy 'em some f*ck' iPads.

[ scattered applause ]

Thank you.

- [ students chattering ]
- [ Del chuckles ]

-I thought we were
wearing dumb stuff.
-What's dumb about that?

Guess I did want to go for real.

Yeah.

No, I, uh, just mean...

Who even are we now?

What are we gonna do
after we find that car?

We haven't really
talked about that.

Are we ever even
going back to school?
Are we dropouts, now?

I guess I just...

I don't know, I thought
maybe, I'd never really
have a chance to do this.

So...

I got scared.

Seeing you at school,
with friends...

You looked happy,
going to fancy houses...

It was one house.

I just don't want
to take you away from
a life you might like,

or maybe want, I don't know.

It's not like I wanna stay...

And even if...

I don't know.

No matter what I do, I wanna...

I wanna do it with you,
or whatever.

I don't wanna do it
with not you.

You f*ck' idiot.

Teddy: Whoo!

- Surprise!
- No!

- Back the f*ck up, Delilah!
- [ Wayne grunts ]

- Get off of him!
- Wayne: Get off me!

Del: Let me go!

You f*ck' nuts? You come
into my house, you f*cking
bust up my television...

A 32-inch
f*ck' Zenith!

You kidnap my f*cking daughter!

Stop it! I f*cking
chose to leave!

Shut your f*cking mouth,
Delilah!

- They're beating up Wayne!
- Del: f*ck you.

[ both grunting ]

Del: Stop it! Stop it!

- Daddy!
- Hold him. Hold him.

- [ grunts ]
- [ Del screams ]

[ Wayne grunting ]

- m*therf*cker!
- Del: f*cking stop!

- Bobby: Come here!
- Stop, Daddy!

- [ Bobby grunts and laughs ]
- [ Teddy and Carl laugh ]

Teddy: Nice shot.

You take my f*cking nose,
m*therf*cker. You pretty boy?

Go get those g*dd*mn
bolt cutters.

-Carl: Cannibal.
-We're taking
a nose with us.

- Huh?
- [ Del grunting ]

-boy: Get the f*ck
off of Wayne!
-Oh, Jesus Christ.

Let's go, b*tch.
What the f*ck you got?

- Come on, m*therf*cker.
- Let's go!

[ all grunting ]

Jesus. You okay?

Come on, we gotta go.

[ engine starts ]

Delilah!

Suck on this,
you f*cking scumbag!

That's what you get
for f*cking with...

Geller: I think,

if I were him,
fugitive state of mind,

[ cell phone beeps ]

-I'm probably tired
and hungry.
-[ gasps ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

If this is about soup, Jay,
we've got real problems.

No, I found the videos

that the Luccetti boys have
been posting from their trip.

Look at their last post.

[ grunting on video ]

Good God, what are those men...

Del: Stop, Daddy!

- Is that Wayne?
- Jay: Yeah.

Christ on crutches.

sh*t! You were right.
Maybe lil' Robin Hood
does need our help.

Oh...

Del: Next on Wayne...

You got more gross color skin
than regular color skin.

We gotta go to the hospital.

- I don't take drugs.
- Just take it.

-Why are you looking
at me like that?
-I'm just happy.

Your dad's in hospital.

-What's the status
of his injuries?
-man: He's dying.

We need to stay alert, okay?

Man: He's here!
He's in the hospital!

Are those all dead?

Are you guys dead?

- Can you buy us booze?
- I got a fake ID.

Can we just hurry
the f*ck up, please?

Do not get her pregnant.