01x09 - Chapter Nine: Thought We Was Friends

[bunniefuu]

f*ck.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I'm fine.
It's gonna be okay.

[GRUNTING]

f*ck out.

My f*cking house, b*tch!

f*ck you. f*ck...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Dad?

[GRUNTING]

f*ck!

[STRUGGLING]

[GRUNTS]

[COUGHING]

[PAN SIZZLING]

Wait, wait, wait. No. no!

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

[SOBS]

Please.

No. No!

No!

[CLATTERING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

SECURITY GUARD: Hey. Excuse me.

You gonna k*ll yourself?

No.

You gonna steal some sh*t?

Yeah.

I gonna steal
the g*dd*mn pool water.

Why the hell does a community
swimming pool need a security
guard anyway?

So kids don't break in and k*ll
themselves or steal some sh*t.

Yeah, well, you don't gotta
worry about that.

You must be having one shitty
night if this is the best place
you could find.

Shitty couple of years,
but who's counting?

[SIGHS]

If you grab some
of them foam kick boards
and towels over there,

there's a really good place
for you to sleep off whatever
mess you're in.

Keep your mitts off the pool
chemicals and your a*s
on dry land.

I don't need to be rescuing
nobody in my good chinos.
You hear me?

[SNIFFLES]

Morning, coffee boy.

Oh, don't worry.
I got you a bowl, too.

[SMACKS LIPS]

Oh, sh*t. Look at that.

It must be my lucky day.
[CHUCKLES]

No milk?

[CRUNCHING]
Don't do moo juice.

Hurts your tummy?

You know it comes
from cow t*tties, right?

You scared of t*tties?

Lactose intolerant,
m*therf*cker.

So, it hurts your tummy.

So, you come all this way
to eat my f*cking cereal

or 'cause you miss
your momma or some sh*t?

Or should I say,
my momma. [CHUCKLES]

MAUREEN: That stupid...
God.

Morning, Momma.

Uh, I made your coffee
for you the way you like.

Uh, excuse me,
but that alligator took a crap
on my front lawn again,

so just go clean that up,
please.

I swear to God,
Reggie's special needs.

You know, when he was a kid,

we used to have to not
take him to the beach no more

'cause all he would do
is eat sand.

Just scoop after scoop.
Could hear it crunching
in his teeth.

Like, disgusting.

That's why he's got gold teeth?

MAUREEN: Nah.

He just likes looking
like an as*h*le.

Oh, I put some clean towels
in your room for you.

And I put a couple in
for your girl.

Um. Um...

She don't need none. She's...

She's gone.

You ever take me to the beach?

[SCOFFS] Oh...

[CLATTERING]

What are ya making?

Oh.

So, I got my own
candle business.

And, um, I sell them
at swap meets.

I got erotic
and non-erotic scents.

- They're the same, they just got different names.
- [SNIFFS]

- I like this one.
- Yeah?

It smells like a tree.

Yes, this is the woodsy one.

I love it. You got
very good taste.

You know, I told Calvin
that I need more space

for my candles
and whatever.
It's like...

Like a workspace, right?

And he said, "Oh, no.
I need that extra bedroom
for my man cave."

Pfft!

He got a flat screen TV
last year, still sitting
on the floor.

Man cave? Please. Right?

More like a g*dd*mn junk cave.

[SNIFFS]

[EXHALES]

- [SNIFFS]
- [CHUCKLES]

You know, when you
were a little baby,

you wouldn't go to sleep
unless I lit a candle in
your room for you.

Really?

Yeah.

[LAUGHS]

Mmm.

You know, I know
it's gonna sound like
some kind of, um,

I don't know,
excuse or something,

but I think things
turned out the way
they were supposed to.

With you...

You know, with your
father and me coming here.

It's like...
Your daddy can be
some kind of hellion.

Just, the boozing
and the fighting, it's...

Ugh!

So many neighbors would just,
like, up and leave, 'cause...

Just after living near
the guy too long.

I kid you not, more than once,

leaving furniture and TVs behind

just to get away
from the son of
a b*tch quicker.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, he had the honor thing,
the code or whatever. Just...

Right and wrong.

Everything.
Just no grays, no middle.

Everything is black and white

and he had all these ideas
about how they should live

and, you know, how I should be
and what I could be

and what I should be.

Yeah. Lot of rules.
Hard to live with.

Hard to live with.

You know, you don't gotta
treat someone like sh*t
and make them feel bad.

Like, Calvin, he can be like...

Yeah, he could be like,
whatever, but...

He lets me be who I wanna be.

Do what I want.

Just so long as my a*s
don't get too big.

Here. Take that.

Just keep it in
your room or something.

Maybe you'll sleep better.

ORLANDO: Look, Zellwood!
I win, b*tch.

I didn't see any signs
for Zellwood.

Yes, you did.

- You just passed it up.
- I didn't see any signs.

- Yes, you did.
- I didn't see any signs.

And if there was a sign,
the GPS lady would've
said it, and she didn't.

You didn't hear it
because there's no service.

[GROANS]

- What's the plan anyway, when we get to Ocala?
- [SIGHS]

How the hell do we find Wayne?

I'm sure there'll be
a trail of blood.

Man, you gotta think positive.

You know,
I knew Wayne's mom
back in the day.

She kept her name
when she married Wayne's dad.
What was it?

She was off. I mean, she was...
She was really kind of
scattered.

Great legs, though.

Please don't tell me
you trying to hit Wayne's mom.

All right, don't worry.
She's not my type.

Then what type is your type?

I only date, or better,
want to date

black women.

[CHUCKLES] For real?

You never dated
a white woman before?

Oh, no, thank you.

Is that r*cist?

I think.

But it is a good r*cist, right?

I gotta remember
what her name was.

What was her name?

The last name
was something Irish.

McGuinness?

- Whoa! Watch out for the dog!
- [SCREAMS]

[BARKS]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

Where's the dog?

Where's the dog?

No. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, it's cool.

You don't have to worry
about me, I'm good.

Not again!

[SCREAMING]

ORLANDO: I guess
your airbags don't work, huh?

What the f*ck you doing?

Anyone ask you to do that?

No, but she asked you to

and you didn't, so...

You see what
that f*cking kid did?

The alligator sh*t
on the neighbor's lawn again?

No, the other f*cking kid.

No. What?

CALVIN: He hung up some shelves
for your f*cking candle crap

[CHUCKLES]
In my f*cking TV room.

Oh, yeah?
That's kinda sweet, huh?

In my f*cking TV room, Maureen.

You want me to ask him
to hang your TV? [CHUCKLES]

Jesus f*cking Christ.

Don't you f*ck with me.

I was just playing with you,
Calvin. Christ.

He needs to go.

Come on, Cal...

Come on, he just got here.

Then what?
Are you gonna f*cking...

take care of the kid, Maureen?

I was young then.

Things could be different now.

You gonna be a good little
f*cking mommy now?

Bring him into
the f*cking house?

Move him into
my f*cking TV room?

I'm sorry, but, uh...

Regardless of how inconvenient
this might be for you,

he's still my f*cking kid.

I pay the bills.

Your part-time candlewick
f*cking bullshit ain't enough
to support you or him.

So, you got two f*cking choices.

Get him the f*ck out of here or
you get the f*ck out of here
with him.

I'm g*dd*mn cursed.

[SCOFFS] I'm on a mission
to save Wayne.

Somebody should be
saving him from me!

Remember that scene
in Terminator 2

when all the innocent kids
are on the playground

and then this nuclear b*mb
detonates into a wave
of hellfire

and just scorches everyone
and everything into ash
and skeletons?

I'm the nuclear b*mb in
Terminator 2.

I got nothing left.

Hey, you got AAA?

Nope.

That expired a long time ago.

[DOG BARKS]

COLE: Was that you?

ORLANDO: Huh?

That wasn't you?

No, man.

Hey, doggy, doggy, doggy.

[WATER SPLASHING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

♪ It was a nice girl

♪ And they loved her
In the town

♪ It was a nice girl

[INDISTINCT]

♪ But there always
Is the kind of man

♪ Likes to teach a nice girl
What he can...

It's time for you to go.

Thought we was friends.

You're skeeving out the moms.

The only thing worse
than an angry white woman

is an angry white woman
with a baby.

I ain't losin' my job over this.

Come on, now, be cool.

I don't want to have to
escort you from the premises.

Don't f*cking touch me!

Oh! You gotta go now.

[WATER SPLASHING]

♪ But there always
Is the kind of man

Hey! Hey!

♪ Likes to teach a nice girl
What he can

Hey!

Little girl!

♪ She was a nice girl

Did you just piss in
my m*therf*cking pool?

I'll f*ck you for this.

♪ Too good
For all the guys... ♪

Wait till I catch you...

I heard all this pounding
and I thought

Reggie locked himself
in the bathroom again.

Glad to see that somebody's
actually doing some work
around here. What!

Just tryin' to do my part.

Come on, this actually
looks really good.

Wow. Wow, wow.

Yeah.

So, tomorrow's
the, uh, third
Thursday of the month,

and I've got this
big swap meet in Tampa

that I gotta get ready for.

I could help you with it.

Oh, no, no. No, no, it's okay.
It's okay. You've done enough.

You've done so much around here.

Uh, I just gotta separate
the erotic from the non-erotic.

What does "Nipple" smell like?

Smells like peach.

You know,
they're all just peach.

Yeah, I just, um...

I gotta find my ribbons.
You know, okay,
and I gotta start

loading up the car.
So, you know...

- Are you mad?
- What?

That I unpacked
the candle stuff?

No. No. I'm not mad.

It's gotta, you know...
I just gotta get
moving, is all.

When you comin' back?

Yeah, um...

So, that's the thing.

When I go, you gotta go, too.

Did you...

You thought you was gonna
like "stay here" stay here?

Okay, yeah. I mean,
if it was my house,
of course, sure.

But, you know, it's Calvin's,
so I don't really have
that kind of a say.

Plus, uh, I think you don't
really wanna stay here, right?

Uh... [CHUCKLES]
You know, I don't...

I don't make
the decisions, honey.

Okay, sweetie? I don't make
those decisions.

You shouldn't call me
that no more.

Maybe you should've
gone after that girl, huh?

What do you care?

You didn't even like her.

Should be best friends, though.

Seeing how you both like
taking off on everybody.

I've thought a lot about

what woulda happened, okay,
if things had been different.

But your dad never
came after me.

Maybe 'cause
he didn't have a car.

Come on, Jesus!

Oh, Wayne... Come on,
what are you doing?

Stop it, please!
It doesn't have
to be like this.

Come on!

Oh. God damn it.

You know what? You're all
f*cking the same.

- You're all the same. I got nothing to say to this.
- [GLASS CRASHING]

[KEYS JINGLE]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[REVVING]

I knew you was
a f*cking red-hander.

[WHISTLES]

COLE: I'm tellin' ya.
This is a sign.

ORLANDO: Yeah,
a sign you can't drive.

COLE: We're
gonna find Wayne.
I can feel it.

I don't know
if you've noticed,
Orlando,

but I have a tendency
to see things in a generally
hopeless and dreadful,

"cup half-full of sh*t"
type of way.

But gone are the days
of my bread falling
buttered-side down.

I feel like we're actually
driving towards something.

Driving towards what?
Car is holed up.

You know what I'm saying.
Moving towards something.

I think the dog
feels it, too.
Ain't you, boy?

What are you gonna name it?

Is it gonna start with an "A"
like all the other ones?

No, I'm gonna try
something different this time.

I like food names.
Muffin. Donut.

McNugget.
My brother's cat
name is Fajita.

McNulty! That's Wayne's
mom's name.

Maureen McNulty!

- How could I forget that?
- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]

- Maureen McNulty.
- Maureen McNulty.

Ocala, Florida.

We gotta find a phone book.

What's a phone book?

Seriously?

It's the thing you use
to find people.

Do you mean this?
I already got her address.

And her Etsy.
Apparently, she makes sexy
candles or some sh*t.

[DOG PANTING]

Oh, man.

We're gonna find you, Maureen.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY]

Twenty-five dollars.

For what?

Departure change fee.

I don't f*cking have 25 bucks.

Neither do I.
Sucks, doesn't it? Next.

[DOOR OPENS]

ORLANDO: I can call
a lift right now.

But I doubt that they're gonna
let that flea-infested dog
in their car.

Well, if they don't,
I'll just tell them it's
my emotional-support animal,

and if they still don't,
I'll just f*cking sue them
for discrimination.

They can't, you know...

Del Luccetti?

[SOBS]

Okay, I got ya.
I got ya.

[SOBBING]

Wait.

You're my f*cking principal.

Yes, I am.

[DOG BARKS]

That's f*cking weird.

[CHAIN RATTLING]

You know how sick I am
of hearing stories
about your f*cking dad?

Your momma,

she starts sucking
on that box of wine

and all the sudden
it's the f*cking Legend
of Wayne McCullough hour.

What the f*ck do I
have to be jealous of?

Hmm?

She's up here
givin' me that a*s.

And he's, well, you know...

REGGIE: He ain't lying.

Our rooms are right
next to each other.

[IMITATES BED CREAKING]

All f*cking night.

But if you think I
need any more reminders
of that piece of sh*t

coming around here,

f*cking with my f*cking TV room!

Trying to jack my f*cking ride.

Come here, coffee boy.

Oh, yeah.

Stop f*cking moving.

Let's see how this
f*cking smells.

REGGIE: Ooh! Yeah!

Whoo-hoo! [LAUGHS]

Yeah. Hold the f*ck still!

[LAUGHS]

[CAR DOOR BEEPS]

What the...

- What?
- Who the f*ck is that?

This whole country's
going to sh*t.

Don't go nowhere.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Whatever sh*t you're selling,
I don't need it or
I already got it.

Sergeant Geller.
Brockton Mass.
Police Department.

You're a long way
from your sh*t-hole.

You must be Calvin Clay.

Two counts of felony
vandalism to an RV.

Three counts
of aggravated as*ault...

Several counts
of public urination.
One at a yogurt shop.

They said my
coupon was expired,
so f*ck 'em.

We're looking for a boy
named Wayne McCullough.

Son of Maureen McCullough.

Your girlfriend.

She's the registered owner
of a 1979 gold Trans Am.

That one.

I'm just f*cking with you.
Wayne McCullough!

I know that m*therf*cker.

Yeah, he's...

He's hanging around
here somewhere.

f*ck.

- Reggie.
- [GRUNTS]

Whoo!

Adios, m*therf*cker.

[GRUNTS]

After you.

Get your boys.
And a car with
a bigger trunk.

[INDISTINCT
ANNOUNCEMENT ON P.A.]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Thanks for the shirt.

All good.

I can't do this anymore.

The dog will eat the leftovers.

f*ck the dog.
I'll eat 'em.

I'm not talking about that.

I wanna go home.

Well, it's a free country,
but I gotta save my boy.

And what? Bring him
back to Brockton?

There's nothin' there for him.

Yes, there is.

I mean, sure,
he got kicked out of school,
and his house burned down,

and his dad is dead.

Burned up in that house
that he burned down.

But he's got us.

Yes, he does.

He wants to be with his mom.

Look, Wayne's in danger.
Ya pops is all hopped up
on vengeance.

And them crazy bat-swinging
brothers of yours, well...

Don't worry.
As long as Wayne's with his ma,
nobody's f*cking with him.

That place is like
a White Tr*sh fortress
of meth-heads and crocodiles.

Nobody's getting in there.

He doesn't need us.

Any of us.

Can you just take me home?

Please.

You're certain
you want to do this, huh?

Yeah, I wanna do this.

Well...

If we're really gonna do this...

No need to sully
our Tommy Bahamas.

You're gonna f*cking
regret this, man.

Regret's a funny thing,
isn't it?

[CHUCKLES]

You know, in the summer of '93,

I taught English
overseas in Thailand.

A place where I would
unexpectedly fall in love.

His name was Anaruk.

It was a deep love,

the likes of which
I've never again experienced.

[CHUCKLES]

Unfortunately, that love
would be taken for granted,

as he set me up
for a crime I did not commit.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

A crime that cost me


a brutal Thai prison.

[SNORTS] Look, man,
you had some q*eer
experience in another country.

Big f*cking deal.
I did time, too.

Lucky for you,
not the kind I did.

In order to survive the horrors

and the ultra-violence of a
m*rder-hole like Klong Prem,
you had to fight,

oftentimes to the death.

It's there I learned my mantra,

"To regret deeply
is to live afresh."

Thoreau.

So, unless you've had
a change of heart, son,
let's begin the unfortunates.

I got this.

All right. Well, this is good.
We're doing the right thing.

Wayne found his mom.
We found you.

I found this little fuzzball.
We're all very lucky.

[DOG WHINES]

You know what?
I'm gonna call you "Lucky."

[DOG WHINES]

Huh? I'm going
to call you "Lucky."

Well, Lucky looks like
he's gotta lift his leg
or something, so,

I'm gonna pay this bill.
Come on, buddy.

Come on, Lucky.

Jury's still out on whether
or not that's going to
be lucky for Lucky.

He kills dogs.
It's a whole thing.

What's wrong?

I wasn't thinking about him.
Shut up.

Sound like you are.

How'd you guys
meet? Wayne.

I sold him some cookies.

Oh!

So, you're "Cookies."

Why'd you come
all the way to this sh*t-hole?

I didn't think Wayne
had any friends.

Oh. Me and Wayne
go way back.

I pissed off some dudes
who were gonna break my arms.

But being
a plan-hatching m*therf*cker,

I hired the craziest dude
in town to watch my back.

Shortly after that,

he came to me
to return the favor.

You know how to do computers?

Wayne's just like
a caveman when it comes
to anything electronic.

He's like Encino Man.

Right?

Anyways, let me
tell you the story.

Wayne found this kid was
being blackmailed with a
video, so he came to me.

We found the guy pretty quick.

Went through all his sh*t
to make sure the video
was deleted for good.

It's gone from the Cloud,
all his phones, laptops,
everything.

We should be good to go.

No. No, please, no!

[SOBBING]

[SCREAMING]

What the hell was on that video?

Some girl's mother.

She was trying to put
her shoe on, falling down,
it's all f*cked up.

High, drunk, cracked out...

Pretty sad sh*t, really.

Twenty bucks a week, b*tch.
Or your ma goes viral.

Come on. Pay up.

ORLANDO: Holy sh*t.

You're "Blackmail"
and "Cookies"?

Damn.

Wayne's been looking
after you for, like, years.

[GIRLS WHIMPERING]

[SNIFFLES]

My boy Wayne.

What did you do?

I didn't do sh*t.

- CALVIN: Come on!
- [GELLER GRUNTS]

[CALVIN GRUNTS]

f*ck!

[GRUNTING]

m*therf*cker!

[GELLER STRAINING]

[GRUNTING]

CALVIN: No!

m*therf*cker!

[GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[GURGLING]

Stay down.

[PANTING]

Thanks.

I gave you a second chance.

You won't get a third.

You're under arrest.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

DEL: Next on Wayne...

Are you kidding me?

Where the f*ck is he?

You know, the son you abandoned?

MAUREEN: He got arrested.
He's at the police station.

Florida police have agreed
to transport you back to
Brockton if you'll co-operate.

There ain't nothing
there for me no more.

I'd like to get
my 1979 Trans Am.

It is now impound evidence.

It's being shipped back
to Brockton, Massachusetts.

- Go ahead, little pussycat. Come on.
- [GROWLS]

Whoa, whoa, man,
those animals ain't trained.
People can get hurt.

Tell her you gotta push.

How? I don't know how
to speak dog.

COLE: What's happening?

Let's do this, b*tch!