01x04 - First Parents Day

[bunniefuu]

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

And the best part of being DJ PJ

is that I'm already
ready for bed!

You're not gonna
brush your teeth?

Get out of my business.

Vee! How was the
rest of the dance?

Horrifying!

But the last time I saw you,
you were dancing with Elijah.

[both] Ooooohhhh.

No, not "Ooooohh." "Aaaaaahhhh!"

I fanged out in front of Elijah!

Because he's foiiine?

No, because he's a Van Helsing!

That's not foiiine!

I knew there was a
Van Helsing here.

But noooo, you said... [mimicking]
"I don't need a crypt keeper."

We're outta here!

Wait, Elijah is
a vampire hunter?

I take one bathroom break all
night and that's what I miss?

Get packin', bat girl.

I'm not going back
to Transylvania

because my new friend just happens
to be my family's ancient nemesis,

sworn to end all vampires!

Do you hear it?

Do you hear how it
sounds when you say that?

There's got to be a way to solve
this that lets me stay at Wilson.

Could you mind-control Elijah?

No.

[both coughing]

"A Van Helsing's mind
cannot be manipulated,

and their bodies are possessed
of strength and skills

beyond those of
inferior humans."

Huh?

It means Elijah can't
be mind-controlled

and he's super strong and fast!

And I guarantee you, he's down there
right now plotting Vee's destruction!

Please don't bite me, please don't
bite me, please don't bite me!

[singing] ♪ Slay! ♪

♪ S-L-A-Y ♪

♪ Steppin' out into the light ♪

♪ I have never felt so alive ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ S-L-A-Y ♪

♪ Watch me shine, shine, shine ♪

♪ Slay! ♪

[♪ Eerie music plays]

Thanks for everything,
Soph. Keep in touch!

You can use this to
summon me anytime.

I'm not leaving, Demi.

I'm not going to hide under
a bridge like a little troll.

You guys ever consider that maybe
Elijah is a nice Van Helsing?

There's no such thing!

Don't make me drop
the book again.

Seriously, Elijah
seems like a good guy.

So before you bat-fly
off into the sunset,

shouldn't we at least ask
him what his intentions are?

I can't ask him, I'm a vampire!

I can't ask him, I'm a ghost!

I can't ask him, I'm scared!

Okay, fine, I'll ask him.

I can't like a vampire!

Don't think about
her cute smile,

focus on her cute fangs.

I mean, sharp, dangerous fangs.

[knock on door]

[groans softly]

Who is it? And if
you're a vampire,

just know I have
garlic nun chucks

and I use garlic breath spray!

Ooh, that was a mistake.

[Sophie] It's me, Sophie.

Sophie! You're in danger!

Yeah, from your breath.

From Vee! She's a vampire.

And this is going
to blow your mind,

but I come from a family
of vampire hunters.

Whaaaat? No way!

Shocking, I know.

My mom said if I ever met a
vampire, I'm supposed to...

I can't believe
this is happening.

What are the odds I'd
actually meet a vampire?

Apparently a hundred percent.

Listen, Elijah. I
already knew about Vee.

And look, she didn't hurt
me. She'd never hurt anyone,

she's a good vampire.

There's no such thing.

I'll show you.

Do you guys use
the same publisher?

[both coughing]

"If a Van Helsing
ever meets a vampire,

it is their duty to save
the villagers by fighting

until only one of them is left."

Everyone here is in danger.

And I'm the only one
who can save them.

Your fly's open,
Savior of the Universe.

[zips]

Now I can save them.

Just tell Vee to
meet me in the attic

at dawn for a fight
to the finish.

Well, I highly doubt she's
going to agree to this.

I can't believe
you agreed to this!

Neither can I!

I don't have a choice.

It's fight or go home.

And I'm not going home.

I've come too far to
give up on my dreams.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Vampire.

Van Helsing.

Ooh! Ghost boy?

That's my name,

don't scare it out.

Vampires, ghosts...

Everything my
family said is real.

Should I have been
flossing this whole time?

Ooh!

Ha! That was just Phase
One... Mild disturbance.

Vee the Vampire,

I have come to banquet you!

Uh, I mean, "vanquish you!"

It is my ancestral
responsibility

to destroy all vampires.

Do your worst, Van Helsing.

Oh, I will...

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Right after I stretch.

Good point, me, too!

What's happening?

They're stretching?

Finish him, Vee! Before
he becomes too limber!

Too late, I'm ready.

We'll see about that, you

you...

You know, this couch
is really in the way.

Yeah, the battle vibes in
this room are totally off.

Impressive.

Good thing I recently came
into some extra muscle myself.

We could open our
own moving company.

You know, if we weren't enemies.

Now what are they talking about?

Something about running
a business together.

We doing this or what?

Right, sorry.

Let's do this.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

[both] I don't
want to fight you!

Really? We got up
at dawn for this!

But you're a Van Helsing.

My enemy. You're supposed to
destroy me as soon as you see me.

That's what you vampires
are supposed to do to us.

So, if you're not my
enemy, then what are you?

I don't know.

Up until twelve hours ago
I thought we were friends.

Me, too.

Maybe we still can be?

Oh, so that's why your
hands are always so cold!

[laughs] Way to
catch up, warm blood.

I don't know about this...

It's my job to protect you, Vee.

It's okay, Elijah's not
gonna hurt me. Right?

Right. And now that
I think about it,

it's really our parents and our
ancestors that have the actual beef,

not us.

All right, but I'll be
watching you, Van Helsing.

Don't make me go
Phase Two on you.

-What's Phase Two?
-That's for you to wonder

and me to figure out.

He's got nothin'.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

I've never been more stoked
to be at boarding school.

I'm terrible at hiding
things from my mom,

and now I have two secrets
I have to keep from her.

I know Vee's the first,
but what's the second?

I haven't told her I
changed my classes.

She thinks I'm still taking all
that classical stuff she wanted.

Definitely not hip-hop dancing,

song writing, and rap music.

Luckily I don't have to
face my mom any time soon.

-Ooh!
-Hello, son.

What is your mom doing here?

It's Parents Day.
I sent an email.

No one checks their email!

Can you check the wall?

What are we gonna do?

We'll be fine. My parents don't
even know it's Parents Day.

Email is way too
modern for them.

I'll just stay in my room
until your mom's gone.

Easy peasy maggot squeezy.

Elijah? What is
going on out there?

Ugh! Bats. That Van Helsing's
strong. I better go.

Way behind you!

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

Hey, Vee, you know,

I have to admit, I'm
glad we're staying.

Me, too. But, uh, you
should know something.

Elijah's Van Helsing mom
is here for Parents Day.

That's it! We're outta here!

No, it's fine. I'm going
to stay in the room.

That Van Helsing will never know
there's a vampire at Wilson.

-[thud on window]
-[man groans]

[woman groans]

Mom? Dad?

[Boris] Hey, pumpkin!

My baby boo-berry.

It's so good to see you.

What are you doing here?

Well, my little night child, the school
sent us one of those spirit messages...

-Emails, darling...
-Emails.

Telling us all about
this Parents Day,

so we decided to fly out!

Demi! Ghost five!

Ah, yes! Our usual frivolity
as if nothing is wrong!

This is so exciting.

We were in such
a rush last time,

but now we can tour your school,

meet your new friends,
their parents...

About that... don't you think
three vampires wandering around

with so many people here
might be a little risky?

We thought of that!

Which is why we've been
practicing our "people" skills.

Namaste. I'm "Yoga Mom."

And I'm "Tourist Dad."

Oh, these New England back roads
are something else, I tell ya.

Oh yeah. They're
gonna blend right in.

Maybe I can take you on a tour?

I heard the outskirts of town
are lovely this time of year.

Roaming about in all
your ghostly glory, Demi?

Now that would be risky.

I think you'd
better stay hidden.

Fine. But you'll
never dim my glow!

Way to leave me in the dust,
just because I'm not a v...

Very fast runner!

Hi, Sophie. Look who's here.

Um, you remember my parents?

Hello! What an exciting
development at this point in time!

Wicked good to see ya, kiddo.

Tell ya ma I said hi.

Okay.

Um, did you guys
see my, uh, bed?

Oh, look honey.

So squishy.

They're insisting on a tour, but we can't
let them run into Elijah and his mom.

I'll tell him. And my parents aren't
coming, so I can run interference.

-[Oxana] Oh.
-[Boris] Little help! Little help!

-Oh!
-Oh. Ah! [Chuckles]

Welp, Sophie'd love to chat,

but she just remembered
she forgot something.

I'd tell you what it was
but I can't remember.

[door closes]

What a delightfully
strange human child!

You really should
get this fixed,

you'd hate to get locked in and
miss your classical vocal training.

How's that going, by the way?

Great, I classically vocal
all the time. It's classic.

And I see you
received the stake.

You must be enjoying
your newfound strength.

-[grunts]
-Oh.

It's great. A little
destructive, though.

You'll get the hang of it.

And I hope you're wearing your Van
Helsing ring close to your heart,

to remind you of my love,

and the ever-present threat of the
evil undead that walk among us.

Yeah, Mom, about that.

Is there any chance that maybe vampires
could be nicer than we thought?

[laughing] Oh, Elijah,

never lose your childlike
sense of wonder.

But you're talking
nonsense, cut it out.

[panting] - Oh, hey
Sophie, this is my mom.

How do you do?

A little out of shape,
if I'm being honest.

But it's nice to meet you.

Charming.

Now let's start that tour.

Uh, before you do that...

[whispers] Vee's
parents are here.

Well, that's an exciting
development at this point in time.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

[cymbals crashing]

Oh, hey, Elijah. When
are you gonna rap again?

I beg your pardon?

Um... [clears throat]

I wrapped one present for the guy,
and he won't stop talking about it.

Ah. Did you wrap it with the
French corners like I taught you?

Oui oui, maman.

Congratulations, folks, you've
made it to the end of Parents Day.

But before you go, we have
one final treat for you.

You'll all going to experience

an actual Wilson
class right now...

Intro to Stage Fighting!

-What?
-I didn't know about this?

Emails, people! Read them.

Now, can I get a couple
of parent volunteers?

Uh, you and...

Oh, you!

Come on up here and
fight to the death!

[laughs]

Kidding.

But we will need you
to sign some waivers...

[♪ dramatic music playing]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Who needs stage fighting, right?

Yoga moms don't. Nama-stay
in your seat, please.

Are you kidding? I met your
mother during a sword fight.

When I saw how she parried,
I asked her to get married.

And we died happily ever after.

-You don't have to do this, Mom.
-Nonsense,

this'll be a chance for
you to learn something.

And I won't show up
my opponent too much.

Trust me, Dearest, I
know how to be cool.

Trust me, Batkins,

I know how to be cool.

Is this the sword
I'm using? Uh...

Which end do I grab?

I said the same thing!

I think... not the pointy end?

-Oh.
-[both laughing]

Come on out, volunteers!

[applauding]

Now, Mrs. Summers, you'll
move forward first,

Mrs. Hauntley, you will defend.

And with stage fighting, we always
make it look good for the audience.

[both] Oh, we will.

[both laugh]

What's that?

-[audience exclaims]
-[chuckles]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

Nice. Where'd you learn
to move like that?

Oh, I don't know,
must be all that yoga!

Oh!

-Oh!
-[audience exclaiming]

Ooh.

Okay, I see you,
Moms! I see you.

[audience exclaiming]

How do we stop this?

I don't know.

It's like they were
destined to fight!

This is not good.

I'm stuck in here while there's a
family of Van Helsings out there!

Demi, I got you.

I'll go check on
them, you just chill.

Chill? I don't chill!

I don't even rest in peace!

I'm going stir-crazy!

[air whooshing]

Ah, that's gonna
get me in trouble.

Huh.

Well, hello, handsome.

Long time no see.

-[♪ Dramatic music playing]
-[both grunting]

[grunting encouragingly]

[grunting]

I'm stopping this.

Stand down

is what I would have said
if you hadn't just done it.

A thrilling performance.

[cheering]

-Excellent match.
-You as well.

That's my wife.

Ooh, that was a good show. We
didn't learn much, but good job.

[bell rings]

All right. Thanks for
coming to Parents Day.

I can't believe we
made it through.

I know. Let's get them out of here
before anything else can go...

Oh, dear, I've lost
my family ring!

Oh, my...

It must have fallen
off during the fight.

-We'll help you look.
-We have excellent night vision.

Uh, I mean, how's your ma?

Uh, Mom, why don't we look
later, when it's less crowded?

We can make it less crowded.
Mom and Dad, let's go.

I can't leave my ring, you
know how much it means to me.

What does it look like?

-But, Mom...
-It's very old, pure silver,

-the initials are...
-[laughs]

Mom, they don't need all that
detail, a ring's a ring. Come on.

It's not just any ring, Elijah.

The initials are...

Mom, I love hip-hop!

Excuse me?

And rapping, and pop music.

I like it all. I don't want to
do the classical stuff anymore.

And if I'm being
completely honest,

I don't even know how
to wrap a present.

Is this some sort of
teenage rebellion...

I want to do more
of what I like.

And what exactly is that?

Um, well... I'll show you. Vee?

[clears throat]

-[♪ Hip-hop music playing]
-♪ Yo ♪

♪ Gimme, gimme Gimme, gimme ♪

♪ Oh, throw it in a pot
Hit it like bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Yo, beat down the block
Heat like bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Yeah, that Hit it
like bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Yo, drip too hard when I
Hit it like bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Bam, bam, yeah
Bam, bam, yeah ♪

♪ Bam, bam, yeah Beat
like bam, bam, bam ♪

♪ Bam, bam, bam ♪

[cheering and applause]

Mom!

What did I miss?

Mom, I found your ring.

You sure you don't want
to throw it in the trash

like all the plans
I had for you?

Please. Can we talk?

What is there to talk about?

Seems like you left it
all on the dance floor.

Okay,

I should have told you sooner,
but I knew you wouldn't like it.

The only reason I agreed to
let you come to this school

was to get a strong
foundation in the classics,

which would have taught
you discipline and focus.

Things that are important to

the family business.

Mom, I know that
stuff is important,

but can't I just have a second to
figure out what makes me happy?

[sighs] Oh Elijah.

I know that I put a
lot of pressure on you,

but it's only because
you're so extraordinary.

But... I will give
you some space, dear.

Because, I want you to be happy.

[exhales] Thanks for
understanding, Mom.

Of course. Now tuck in your
shirt, this isn't New Jersey.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

[Bat Oxana] Ohhh, I really
miss this, Vampirina.

[Bat Vee] Me, too.

Thanks for coming. It was
really good to see you.

I must say, this place
continues to surprise me.

A place where nightmares
can come true.

-It's dreams, Dad.
-Oh.

And thanks for supporting mine.

Always. And to think...

I was worried
about Van Helsings!

[laughs loudly]

[sighs]

Check out your boy.

Demi! How did you...

It's makeup! And some hair stuff
with clothes from the lost and found.

Now I look like a real kid!

With this disguise, you'll be an
even better protector for Vee.

[laughs nervously] Not that
she needs it or anything.

Sun has set, wind is up,

we'd best be off, darlings.

Love you to the dark side
of the moon and back.

Get in here, Demi.

Something to remember me by.

[♪ Mellow music playing]

Thanks for running a marathon to
help us keep our secret, Sophie.

All good. I clocked
like 90,000 steps,

so I don't have to walk anywhere
the rest of the semester.

[chuckles]

'Sup, dude. Ooh! Ghost boy?

You called me dude!

Best day of my death.

How'd things go with your mom?

Better than expected.

Thank you for falling
on your stake for me

and telling her your
secret to protect mine.

I'd rather she found out about
me than about you... cold hands.

[chuckles]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

My suspicions were correct.

Elijah is getting
distracted from his purpose,

but he's destined for
more important things.

I'm gonna need you
at Wilson immediately

to keep an eye on him.

[singing] ♪ Slay! ♪