01x06 - Panic

[bunniefuu]

We will never

sell

to f*cking Deutsche Bank!

Deutsche Bank can kiss our asses!

Ah, yes. That isn't the first time

that Felix and Magnus ruined
a Deutsche Bank deal for Jutta Katz.

12 YEARS PRIOR

You wrote that code, didn't you?

What'll you get for it
if Deutsche Bank buys you?

I dunno. Probably a raise.

Deutsche is paying Katz ten million.

-For the whole place.
-You are the whole place.

The code isn't worth ten million.

And if it suddenly vanished?

Do you think Deutsche Bank
would still want to buy?

I've got it!

It has to look like
they messed with the wrong people.

What?

Don't mess with
Internet porn tycoons, Jutta!

Felix, you're no criminal.
Tell me who it was.

You'll get off without consequences.

The only thing missing is your computer.

I wrote the code myself.
Why would I steal it?

Deutsche Bank, of course,
no longer wanted to buy Networth.

What a shame!

Jutta will be fine, Felix.

What matters is that
this stays our secret.

I can't do without you
and you can't do without me.

Together we're indestructible.

Just wait, in five or six years
we'll be billionaires.

And if I don't want to be a billionaire?

It's not always just about you, Felix!

Think of what you can do with the money.

Not all billionaires are bad people.

Bill Gates, for example.

He'd never risk
his and his wife Melania's foundation.

Melinda.

-Melina.
-Melinda.

Melinda?

-Melinda Gates.
-Sure. Whatever.

-The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.
-Who gives a crap?

The two of them are like this,
inseparable.

That's why they're successful.

-Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
-That's not why they're successful.

Felix, bring the net!

Come on! Chop-chop!

Oh my God!

-Yes, Yes, Yes!
-It's way too small, Magnus!

-Here, on the rock.
-You do it!

The hook's still in it.

Felix Armand, Austria's Bill Gates.

Hold on! Stop for a second!

-I can explain.
-What can you explain? Huh?

That you're betting against me
because you think I'm a fraud?

Or that you're sleeping with me
despite thinking that?

-I was going to tell you the truth.
-Yeah.

-I wanted to tell you before.
-I promise you here and now--

you'll lose this bet to me.

I certainly won't let
this company be ruined

because you don't believe in me.

Felix--

When my mother went to the hospital
35 years ago to have her child,

everyone was pretty surprised
to see a second baby come out.

We had one pacifier, one bedroom,
one f*cking teddy bear!

No one planned on me!

Well, but now I'm here.

You could still bail and turn yourself in.

It'd be the right thing.
You just can't win anymore, Felix.

You can't drive a car, either!

Stop telling me what I can and can't do!

f*ck this!

What the f*ck!

Okay, Felix, it's still your company.

You just have to make sure
it stays that way.

First you silence Tom,

then you make sure Magnus
accepts the new partnership structure.

You will win.

You won't see anything that way, boss.

Why not?

Ah, okay. Cool.

You're sure this is a good idea?

Of course.

If there's no article,
Sheila can short all she wants.

As long as the stock doesn't crash
only one person profits.

I see.

CABLECRASH - THE BIGGEST LIE
IN GERMAN FINANCIAL HISTORY

"WHATEVER THE MEANS,
THE STOCK MUST GO UP"

It's funny, when a father takes
his kids to a playground

everyone thinks he's a superhero
or something.

For mothers, it's the most normal
thing in the world.

IN A WORLD WHERE
THE GREATEST GOOD…

Statistically, it's actually
much more dangerous

when men look after kids
because they're often distracted.

For example, because they focus on making
all the mothers think they're great.

But there are very,

very pretty mothers.

Believe me. Really.

Or because
they're busy writing some article.

What do you want?

Do you know how many kids
are reported missing in Germany?

I didn't. I had to look it up.

18,000 a year.

That's a lot.

I asked what you want.

I forgot to mention that of the 18,000,

this is important,
17,500 children are found again.

Beat it! And I mean now.

If your family means anything to you,
I'd focus on another story.

Sofia, Cleo! Can you--

Before you go I need something from you.

It went well, right?

I blew it.

-Aw, you…
-It didn't work.

-You have to take off.
-You had one job!

Yeah! What can I do?
I'm just Austrian intelligence!

I can't solve every problem!

-You can't solve problems at all!
-Who am I?

Jason Bourne?

I have to think of something.

No way.

Yes!

He's done. He's scared shitless.

So.
Let's go sign the contract.

Can you drop us off at the train station?

Frank!
Get in. We're in a rush.

"Kiss kiss! We're flying to Kazakhstan."

What an as*h*le!

… that's Alipay and PayPal.

They only have private accounts,
so they shouldn't bother us.

Our only competition is Deutsche Bank,

Jutta Katz.

Once they're out of the way
we'll have a monopoly.

Little accidents can always happen.

-No.
-Maybe engine failure.

-That's good.
-So good!

-That's really good.
-No, I meant out of the way businesswise.

What's going on here?

Well, Magnus?

Risen from the dead?
Want an espresso? We'll get you one.

No. I want to know
what you're doing in my garden.

What is this?

-An extraordinary general meeting.
-What? What was that?

-An extraordinary general meeting!
-We're shareholders.

We own 20 percent now.

Ta-da!

What?

It's a holding company in Luxembourg.
It's all anonymous.

We needn't worry at all.

You just have to sign.

Now.

-Now Magnus.
-No!

No! Help! Help!

I'll only sign that rot over my dead…

He doesn't even stop talking underwater.

Felix, Felix!

We can't do this.
We're relinquishing control.

It's just a signature.

How long do you think he can take that?

That's the question.

Okay, okay, okay!

I'll do it. I'll do it.

Magnus?

No. No, I'd better not.

No more alcohol for me from now on.

If I hadn't gotten drunk yesterday
you couldn't have f*cked me over.

I could be a DAX board member.

You as*h*le.

I'm saving you from becoming Jutta Katz's
sad puppet for the rest of your life.

Come on.

Go on.

Cheers!

To a successful future without problems.

Chin up, Magnus.
It's nice when family gets closer.

A work of art is only worth
what someone is willing to pay for it.

Thank you.

As always, you can join in the bidding
online or by calling in.

Or next week you can be a guest,
here with us in the studio.

Thanks for tuning in.
I look forward to seeing you next time.

HOW TO PICK 'EM

Right.

Today only my feet fell asleep.

Thank you, that was it!

Ariane, a little surprise
is waiting for you backstage.

-You said it! That was it.
-as*h*le!

What have you done now?

I didn't do it.

What?

You were right. About everything.

I decided not to sell the company.

I'm not Jutta Katz's sad puppet quite yet.

Screw the DAX position.

I knew he'd choke when things got serious.

But my daughter always did have
a soft spot for betas.

Shut it!

Pardon me?

No, you understood me.
You should finally shut your damn mouth.

Magnus!

From the start you've made me feel like
I'm not good enough for your family.

But let me tell you,
every family is better than yours.

Not including you, dear.

You really are a wonderful flower
on a dungheap.

You've had all this money shoved
up your a*s since birth

and you still have the feeling
you're entitled to it.

But, unlike you,
I can lead my life as I see fit.

You'd never have had the ba*ls
to turn down a DAX deal.

But I've got them!

In your whole damn life

have you ever done anything
without the money you inherited? No.

Nothing at all! Never!

And that's why you're
a discontented old fart!

And now? Huh?

What? You… You…

No, leave them!

You benchwarmer, you!

You stupid…

Get back here!

You poor loser!

Who's the alpha? Who is the alpha?

You stupid pig!

Who's the alpha, Christian?

Yes!

You dickhead!

Champagne?

Magnus!

Magnus?

sh*t, Magnus! Hey!

-God damn it.
-I was just meditating a little.

Geneviève!

Know what impresses people
more than your pretentious art? Here.

Your money! Your five million!

Have you lost it? What is this?

Now we're even. Okay?

It's not a performance! Take it!

Go on!

TO: FELIX ARMAND
I'M ABOUT TO WIN.

LAST CHANCE TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

-Here's your check.
-Thanks.

Is anyone home?

Is there anyone
who wants to watch me jerk off?

With CableCash we have a reliable partner
and we have to be just as reliable.

And we--

That's what I thought.

You brought us here
to satisfy your needs again, didn't you?

Yes.

I'M ABOUT TO WIN.
LAST CHANCE TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

TOM WIELAND: NOW

REQUEST FOR STATEMENT

Dear Mr. Armand,

As you already know
I'm writing a report on CableCash.

In the course of my research,
I've discovered

that you are the mastermind
of an extensive economic conspiracy.

You have 24 hours

to answer the following questions.

The article will be published
at noon tomorrow.

I think you will be familiar
with the list.

Semicolon, end parentheses.

Is it true that, at the start of this year,
you and a Mr. Klaus Mackmann

visited the company Tikksystems
in Bangkok?

Is it true you bought the company
for two million--

What did you speak to Simon Nguyen--

did Steeler Consulting knowingly
sign off on a false…

Some of your employees

registered some 290 businesses
in a brief time.

Is it true that you have for years

repeatedly visited the Viscontis' home?

Are you aware that…

…is, in fact, a bank for criminals?

Why are the police here?

One more thing, off the record.

How does it feel to lose?

Wishing you the best, Tom Wieland.

24 HOURS

TO: AMIRA WALLACE
LET'S MEET AGAIN

It really is funny.

You come up with things where I think,
"This is the stupidest thing he could do."

Then I think, "Wait, that's Felix Armand.
He's always thinking two steps ahead."

So? What do we do about Sheila?

I'm sure she'd take money to defect to us.

Do we sic Marco on her?
Or what's plan B?

There is no plan B.

I just want to say goodbye to her
and get to the airport.

I've been through all the options.
We can't win anymore.

Okay, boss.

Good evening, how are my lovebirds?
This is on the house.

Remember, of a million sperm cells
you made it into the egg.

Isn't that reason to celebrate?

Enjoy the evening.

Ah, Konstantinos!

What did you do with Sabine?

Congratulations. You won.

Feel free to take a look
before I take it to the DA's tomorrow.

Wow.

I'm sure the district attorney will
give you a gold star for this.

Well…

It'd be a crime if I withheld it.

How altruistic.

Great.

You could come along to the DA's office
and tell them everything.

As a key witness.

You won't get
more than two or three months.

Unfortunately,
I've got other plans already.

Yuri Ivanovich…

You can still come along.

This isn't a movie from the 20's
where the woman leaves it all behind

and follows the man into the sunset.

Felix, our relationship always had
a shitty premise.

If one of us wins, the other loses.

In this case it's you.

It was obvious.

Obvious to you

when you slept with me

to access information.

Don't act like you're the victim here.

No one's buying that anymore.

If it were the other way around,
you'd do the same to me.

Ivanovich.

I don't get why you're here
and not with that cutie.

She was looking at you
like you were a popsicle.

Stop with that crap!

Snake!

I was next to you
and she was looking at you.

-Honestly.
-They caught us, Mike.

-Who caught whom?
-They just caught us.

When that article gets published
tomorrow I…

I'd best be gone, you hear me? Gone.

What article?
What are you talking about?

That f*cking Tom Wieland, that…

Tom Wieland? The business journalist?
What's he writing?

Why are there even people like him?

Not sex, not money,
not even a f*cking death threat.

-Nothing will stop him from publishing it.
-Death threat?

He's like one…

one of those upstanding journalists
in a Hollywood movie.

"The Daily Mail still stands
for something. We're going to press!"

-"We can't."
-"We will!"

"No, we can't!"
Know what I mean?

The printing press fires up.

Hey! Felix.

"Extra! Extra!"

-"Austrian Chancellor! Read all about it!"
-Hey! Hey!

What's happening tomorrow?

Tomorrow, my friend,

at noon.

"The Biggest Fraud Scandal
in German Financial History.

Cable-crash-cash."

Cable… CableCash crash

Cable crash. Hey, brilliant!

I'll sell that to f*cking Tom Wieland.

Too bad you can't
short sell right now, my friend.

Because you would make
so f*cking much dough.

We have to drink to that,
with the best champagne we have.

An article is coming out…

And?

There is a Plan B after all.

It's 11:30. Now for the news.

According to Environmental Minister Lohse

the mean global temperature this year

was roughly 1.1 degrees
above the average from 1850 to 1900.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY
DÜSSELDORF

She described the limited extent
of natural disasters this year

as a "calm before the storm".

Sofia, be careful over there!

Hi, Tom.

I thought I'd never hear from you again.

Can you tell me what's going on?

-What? What do you mean?
-Tons of people are shorting CableCash.

I thought maybe you know
or are publishing something.

What?

-No.
-So you're not publishing an article?

-Or is someone else?
-I know nothing about an article.

I swear. On my mother.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, and how… How are the kids?

Pretty good.

It's nice to hear from you again.

Hey, I have to go now.
I'll be in touch. Bye.

Stop the CableCash article, now!

It reeks of market manipulation!

It's an emergency! Call again, damn it!

What's the problem?

What? What?

What?

CABLECRASH -
THE BIGGEST LIE IN FINANCIAL HISTORY

This is the news at 12.

Boom!

You should have seen him.
I almost beat him into a coma.

But I can't do that,
he's my father-in-law, you know?

It's crazy how good you feel
when you don't drink.

You can't f*ck me now. I'm unfuckable!

Ali, look.

-Magnus--
-What's going on now?

We wanted to--

There's an article in the WATZ.

What? What article?

-In the WATZ! There!
-Look.

It's muted. Turn it up.

…internal documents
from a whistleblower.

The accusations
have shaken investor confidence.

The first lawsuits have already been announced.

In a situation like this, one can
only wonder how it got to this point.

Where is Armand?

-That's all you can say?
-We thought you were the boss.

Are we going to jail too
because we're shareholders?

Stop the damn filming!

This is no time for that!

We have the stamp of the special audit.

And I have a flower shop?

Trust me.

That's some made-up clickbait bullshit,
and…

Leave me alone now. And out!

I always have a plan.

What is this sh*t?

Hello.

Unfortunately Mr. Felix Armand
can't take your call right now.

Please leave a message.

What the hell is going on, Felix?

Who ratted us out
to that f*cking Tom Wieland?

Where are you?

Tell me, Felix, did you just take off?

Are you leaving me alone
with these criminals?

Was your plan?
To take off to the Caribbean or…

The accusations are jolting
our finance industry's foundation.

If this story proves true

it would be one of the biggest
fraud scandals in German history.

Investors fear for their savings.

Which is why CableCash is now
officially considered a world religion

because so many people believed in
something that didn't exist.

Surprisingly,
the CableCash stock took a nosedive

after it came out that investors
had been massively deceived.

It appears CableCash is nothing more
than a bank for criminals

by criminals.

CEO Magnus Cramer has announced

that he intends to respond
to the accusations at a press conference.

-Hey!
-Hey, you all right?

Yeah.

I wanted to get in touch again.
We parted on bad terms last time.

I just wanted to say I…

No matter what happens now,
I had a good time.

I have no regrets.

I did too. Totally.

Totally.
It just didn't go well.

Where are you now?

Already on the deserted island?

As if I'll tell you anything again.

But I'm calling
because I still owe you, remember?

I figured before this was all over…

Can we go?

Ladies and gentlemen,

dear investors,

dear friends

of CableCash.

Do you really think it was a coincidence

that this morning,
when the market opened, short sellers

jumped all over our stock
by the hundreds of thousands?

Exactly three hours
before the WATZ smear campaign

went online?

What an incredible coincidence, right?

And just as coincidentally,

documents were given
to the DA's office this morning.

This coup was masterminded
by hedge fund manager Sheila Williams

and WATZ journalist Tom Wieland.

They know each other from university

when Mr. Wieland was
Ms. Williams lecturer.

That's why we ask the responsible parties
in the government

for help
so that such attacks can't happen again.

We at CableCash

have not lost faith in
the rule of law in this country.

Thank you.

Due to the barrage of bets
against CableCash this morning

financial supervisory authority BaFin
has issued a short selling ban

for the payment provider's stock.

The decision was a reaction to suspicions

of ill*gal market manipulation.

It is an attack on the system.

Hedge fund manager Sheila Williams
and journalist Tom Wieland

are evidently guilty
of market manipulation.

Investigations have begun.

Hundreds of thousands of short sellers
have lost their investments.

We want to apologize to viewers
for our premature report this morning.

The public pressure would have broken
anyone but Magnus Cramer.

You can only admire
his tremendous leadership.

After the DA's office distanced itself
from the allegations

Digital Minister Maletzki spoke out
in support for CEO Magnus Cramer.

Investors are excited
about the stock again.

After the manipulation accusations
were made known

the stock recovered
in a matter of minutes,

even breaking new records.

Wake up!

It's time we clear up a few things.

My a*s!

What is it? What do you want from me?

CEO? Do you want to be CEO?

Fine, we can do that.

No problem.

I always thought
two CEOs would be no good, but…

I think it's actually better.

No.

Huh?

I don't want to be CEO.

You were right.

Two CEOs would only
unsettle the investors.

We'd end up bankrupt.

Did you know the best fly for fly fishing

is the woolly bugger?

Ah, cut the bull.

-Oh no!
-What's your point?

No! I listen to your sh*t every day,
now you listen to mine.

Shut your mouth and listen.
You can learn something.

Anyway, the woolly bugger
doesn't look like a fly at all.

Nothing like it exists in nature,

but it imitates and exaggerates
the key stimuli that lure fish.

And the greedy fish bite

because they don't look.

Because they only want
one thing: to eat.

They don't care about the truth.

They want to be duped.

To do that,
we need you right where you are.

You, Magnus,

are the woolly bugger.

Ah, yes. I see, I see.

And you're the rod, huh?

I'm the fisherman.

I want full executive power.

You can't do without me
and I can't do without you.

Together we're indestructible.

-Remember?
-Yes.

-No problem at all. It's a deal.
-Promise?

Yes, come on. Shake on it, Felix.

I won't fall for that crap again. Here.

Veto power? You damn fox!

On all decisions.

-The company thanks you.
-Yeah.

Come here.

You son of a b*tch!

I always knew you had it in you.

Is that you or me?

Wait.

31 MISSED CALLS - ARIANE: TURN ON THE NEWS!!!

Turn on the news…

Come with.

Two minutes a day,
just a brief moment of peace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's the matter?

Do you know how to turn the thing on?

Yeah, wait.

A private jet has crashed in Brandenburg.

Four people lost their lives.

The victims included
the pilot and Jutta Katz,

Deutsche Bank board member
and mother of two.

Initial reports point to engine failure
as the cause.

Oh, God!

-Great, great, Felix!
-No, no, no!

Your new business partners,
what a great idea!

What do you know?
It might have been a cable fire.

…former Head of Legal,

Alex Ericsson, will take over
as Jutta Katz's successor.

Hello.

We are deeply shocked
by the death of Dr. Jutta Katz.

She lead digital payment at Deutsche Bank
with great passion and discipline.

I want to promise you that I will do
all I can to carry on Dr. Katz's legacy

and will make us the market leader.