Found Footage (2011)

[bunniefuu]

- Is this actually recording?

It says it is, but I got no picture.

- Yeah, let me see.
- Thanks.

- Ah, here.

Lens cap.

There.

- That's on now?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, this would be a fantastic camera

for a homemade documentary, you know?

- Can I?
- Yes, it's lightweight.

It's easy to use.

The resolution is fantastic.

It's 1080p.

Really, really good.

This is actually the last one, yeah?

I got one of these myself.

It's 240 gig of hard drive
for a camera like this.

That is outstanding.



It's top of the range for what it is.

It's really, really fantastic.

I'll just show you some of the features.

It's got in-camera editing,
in-camera preview, and...

Night vision.
- Whoa, man.

That is cool.

Check that out.
- Yeah, that kinda green look.

- You know,

it's like the Paris
Hilton sex tape, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- How do I get that back?

- Oh yeah, you just...

Here, just...

Oh, come on.

Bingo.

- Cool.
- So what do you think?

- Man, I like it.

- If you want a camera that
has got a better picture,

you're looking at 10
or 12 times the amount

for what you're gonna spend.

The resolution...

Hey.

You wanna just go back in?

It's just for insurance
reasons, we can't bring the,

do you know what I mean?
- Sure.

- Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey!

Come back!

Come back, you little c**t!

Give me the f*cking camera!

Give it, give it back!

f*ck!

- Open the f*cking
door, it's the police!

Police! Open the f*cking door!

Open the door, it's the police!

We got a warrant to search the premises!

- Darius, what the f*ck is wrong with you?

- And here she is, folks,

in all her glory.

- I just flushed my weed!

- My mate Nicole, look at her.

- f*ck!

- Morning.

- Darius, what the f*ck is wrong with you?

I seriously thought it was the police.

I just flushed my weed.

- Oh my God, what?

- I just flushed my f*cking weed.

Are you f*cking serious?

- Serious.

f*cking idiot.

- I thought
you would have recognized

my voice, you fool.

- You'd think, wouldn't you?

- Why would
the police come around

and bang on your door?

- I don't
know, I just was asleep

and heard that and freaked out.

What are you doing here anyway?

- Come on, yesterday
you said you wouldn't mind

going to the beach, so here I am.

- It's 9:00 a.m. in the
morning and I've had like,

two hours of sleep.

What's with the camera anyway?

- Just picked it up this morning.

What do you think?

Making a documentary of my life,

which is going to involve
us going to the beach.

- Are you high?

- Come on, let
me make you a coffee.

You'll better after a
caffeine hit or something.

- I don't want a coffee!

I want to go back to sleep.

I can't believe I flushed my f*cking weed.

- Well, that's my fault, okay?

I'll make it up to you.

But come on, look at this day out here.

Up and at 'em.

Check that out.

That is beautiful.

We're gonna go to the beach, man.

Come on, rise and shine!

Up and at 'em!

- Darius.

- Nicole.

- What the f*ck are you doing?

- Extreme closeup.

- Tell me that thing is not on.

Tell me you're not recording.

- Where are you going?

- Going to go put some clothes on

because I do not like
you f*cking filming me!

- Not that I'm the greatest fan

of you filming our
exciting day at the beach,

but seems like it's not the best idea

to have a camera so
close to all this sand.

- Do I look that stupid?

- You want an answer?

- No, I don't.

You're absolutely right.

Check it out.

Ta-da!

Look at that.

- What the f*ck is that?

- Underwater housing.

Pop it in there.

Hey, presto.

Sand-proof and waterproof.

Check it out.

Say hello to Leopold the Camera.

- Who?

- Leopold, it's my camera's name.

- You named your camera?

- Why hello there, Nicole.

Would you like to come for
a swim with Darius and I?

- Go f*ck yourself, Leopold.

- Now, now, don't be like that.

Are you gonna come in or what?

- I'm gonna lie here and pass out.

- Well, suit
yourself there, sulky pants.

We're gonna go for a swim.

- Where have you been?

I couldn't see you on the beach.

I looked everywhere.

I thought you were seriously
injured or hurt or something.

Where have you been?

This is bullshit, Darius.

- Hey, wait.

- I seriously thought you
were hurt or something.

- I'm f*cking sorry, okay?

I f*cked up.

- Yeah.

That's sh*t.

Drag me out of bed to go to the beach,

and then you abandon me.

If this is your idea of a
f*cking joke, I'm not laughing.

- Hey, wait, hold up a sec, okay?

I f*cking said I'm sorry!

- Hey mate, you know what?

This is bullshit, Darius.

Friends don't do this sh*t to each other.

- Aw, f*ck.

Come on! f*ck.

Aw, f*cking idiot.

f*ck.

- Hello, Darius!

- How, how you doing, Bea?

- Good, how are you?

- I'm doing good, thanks.

- You got a new toy?

- Yeah, check it out.

Just picked it up this morning.

- What are you doing?

- Just making a little movie.

- What about?

- You know, it's like a day
in the life of kind of thing.

- Cool.

Are you having the usual?

- Yeah, yeah.

Actually, you better make it a...

A double.

Had a hell of a morning.
- Alright.

- Whoa, hang on a sec.

Money.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

- Aw, thank you.

- It's alright.

Um...

I'm actually really glad you came by.

- What?

- I was wondering if you
could get me some more weed.

- Sure.

- And one more favor?

Um...

Do you know anywhere
I could get some coke?

- Ooh...

- Could you hook me up?

- Sure.

The weed's not a problem.

I gotta pick some up for a friend anyway.

- Cool.

- But the coke's a
little bit of a liability,

so, you know...

It's gonna cost you.

- I'm not expecting it to be free.

I'll pay you.

- No, no, no.

I'm not talking about cash
or anything like that.

- You want a check?

- No, no, no.

I scratch your back...

- What do you want in return?

- You let me
take you out to dinner.

- Darius.

- Come on!

One date.

Come on, I've asked you out
a bunch of times before,

and you're always too busy.

- Because I am too busy.

I'm working here five days a week

and I have uni, I have assignments,

and it's just crazy at the moment.

- Aw, come on, come on.

Look, it'll be fun!

Yeah, and you gotta eat, right?

Say yes.

Yes, Darius.

- What if I say no?

- Well, no coke for you, then.

- It better be good coke.

That's all I'm saying.

- Oh!

See? Incentive.

No, of course it's gonna be good coke.

What time you finish tomorrow?

- Seven-ish.

- You want me
to pick you up, then,

like, 7:30, eight-ish?

- You don't give up, do you?

- 7:30? Eight?

- Okay, eight o'clock at my place.

- Okay.

Eight o'clock, your place.

- Promise.

Don't forget your coffee.

- Oh.

- Bye.

- Yo, Marty!

I need your services, my man.

Translate that any way you want.

Anyway, I take it you're
out cold somewhere, so...

Give me a call when you wake up, alright?

Alright.

Laters.

Oh, for f*ck's sake!

f*ck' hell, this guy.

- It's f*ck' you.

- Yeah, it's f*ck' me.

- The f*ck you want?

- Have a guess.

- Can't hear the music, mate?

You want me to turn it up?

- You're a funny guy, ha ha.

- Turn the f*cking camera off.

- Forget about
the f*cking camera.

Can you just turn your music down?

- f*ck off.

- Thank you!

f*ck' arsehole.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

f*cking sh*t.

Oi! Turn the f*cking music down!

f*ck's sake.

f*cking sh*t!

For f*ck's sake, man.

Could you just turn
that f*cking sh*t down?

- Or what?

- Just turn the
f*cking music down, man.

Why the f*ck do you have
to be such an arsehole for?

- Be careful who you call
a f*cking arsehole, mate!

- f*ck you, man, just turn--

- No, no, help me!

Marty?

Yeah, I need to get some...

Yeah.

Yeah.

You around tomorrow?

Hey mate, what happened?

- Is that thing recording?

- Yeah.

- Mate, you can't film.

You wanna turn that thing off.

- Why, is it ill*gal?

- Mate, don't play games with me.

Just turn the camera off.

Turn the camera off or you lose it, mate.

It's that simple.

- Alright, alright.

Hey, hey, wait--

- It's Darius!

Keep your f*cking pants on.

I'm coming.

Darius.

- Hey, nice gown.

- f*ck you, mate.

- Wait, wait, watch the lens.

- What's with the camera, dude?

- Check it out, it's my new toy.

- It's very nice, Darius.

I like it very much.

What are you doing with it?

- Just making a little doco

of the things I do, people I see.

Which means you, brother.

- Well, yeah, I mean, cool.

Let's go out, let's party,
let's make a movie or something,

but just not now, dude.

- Come on, don't be a p*ssy.

- I'm not being a p*ssy,
I just don't like,

you know, put yourself in my shoes, dude.

- Trust me, alright?

This is my own personal use only.

No one's gonna see this.

Except maybe my grandkids.

- You? No.

There's no way you're
gonna live long enough

to have grandkids, my friend.

- Right, so are
you worried about then, huh?

- Fair point.

- Dude, what the f*ck is that?

- That's Felix the rat.

He had a tangle with Felix the cat

and well, you know.

Now he's mummified.

I found him under the floor over there.

It's pretty gross, huh?

Say hello.

You wanna, you wanna--

- Keep that f*cking thing away from me.

Oi, keep the f*cking thing away.

Get the f*ck away.

- Darius.

I finally found your phobia, huh?

Mummified rats.

- Come on man, I'm in a hurry.

Can you sort me out or what?

- Well, what do you want?

- Two 50s for now,

and I'm seriously hoping
you've got some coke.

- What do you want with coke?

You didn't want coke from me before.

- No, no, no.

It's not for me, it's for a friend.

- Who's the mystery shopper?

- Dude, it's this girl.

You should see her.

No, no, no, I can't even begin
to describe how hot she is,

and I finally managed to get
her to go on a date with me.

- On the proviso you get her coke.

- Alright, I know
what you're saying now.

She's not that type of girl, Marty.

No, no, no.

Shut up, she's a quality girl, alright?

She's not like a--

- Okay, a coke wh*re.

- Yeah, no, far from it.

- Of course, no.

She's a good girl.

And you just have to
sprinkle her with nose candy

and she comes alive like a little fairy.

- Have you got the coke or what?

- f*ck, you know what?

I do not have the coke.

- Are you f*cking serious?

- I'm sorry, you're sh*t outta luck.

I sold out over the weekend.

- Well, when
are you getting more?

- Could be a month, two, I don't know.

Pablo Escobar is going through a time--

- Hey, would
you stop f*cking around?

I'm serious, man, it's important.

- Tonight, it's alright.

- Alright, well,
can I swing by tomorrow

and pick it up or what?

- You can.

Actually, I'll be around your place...

Tomorrow, yeah.

If you want me to drop it off.

- That's even better.

Sounds good to me, sweet.

How much do I owe you for this?

- Just sort me out tomorrow, man.

- Cool, man.

- You want to smoke a joint?

Hang out, get high?

- No, no can do.

I got things to do,
people to see, brother.

I'll copy you tomorrow, yeah?

- Good luck with your coke wh*re.

- f*ck you, Marty.

Hey.

- Hey.

- Still pissed?

- Would you be?

- Probably.

- Probably.

- Yeah, right, okay?

I'd still be pissed.

I got you these as a mea culpa.

- What are they?

- They're idiot flowers.

Yeah, I asked the florist for flowers

that best said sorry for being an idiot.

She gave me those.

- Come in.

- Oh hey, I also got you...

That's for my f*ck-up yesterday.

- Still can't believe I flushed my weed.

- Wait a second, there's more.

Shall we?

- Does the pope fiddle kids?

- Humor, nice.

Does this mean you don't hate me anymore?

- I never hated you, Darius.

- Really? You were
pretty pissed yesterday.

- Yeah, with good reason.

But I don't hate you.

I just don't get you sometimes.

Sometimes it's like you're a kid,

lost inside your own little world.

Who am I to judge?

It's not like I'm a class A model citizen.

- No, you're right.

I know I f*ck up.

A lot.

- You need to be aware
of other people, Darius.

You need to be aware of
other people's feelings.

Yesterday at the beach,

that's not the first time that
you've gone off like that.

Where do you go?

When you go off like that.

When you disappeared
yesterday, where did you go?

Where did you go yesterday?

- Doesn't matter.

- It does matter.

Yesterday matters.

- No, I'm not saying what I
did yesterday doesn't matter.

That was a shitty thing that I did.

And I'm sorry about that, okay?

I guess I'm just saying
that overall, you know,

it doesn't matter.

In the broad sense of nothing.

- What kind of bullshit
is that, nothing matters?

- No, look, if you think about it,

everything, okay, doesn't matter.

And everything includes yesterday,

so what I'm trying to say
is that nothing matters.

- Everything does matter.

- No, it doesn't.

It never has and it never will, okay?

- Hello?

What the f*ck?

f*ck!

sh*t!

- The f*ck you want?

The f*ck is your problem, mate?

Is there something wrong with you?

Do you wanna get yourself
f*cking hurt again?

Is that what you f*cking want, h*m*?

- You've got your camera.

- Yeah, I hope you don't mind.

I wanted to record the moment.

- Okay.
- And I got a present for you.

- You didn't have to do that.

- Pick a hand.

- Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Aw, thanks.

How much do I owe you?

- Don't worry about it.

Chalk it up against my
coffees debt, it's fine.

- You sure?

- Yeah, it's fine.

Look, I get it dirt cheap
from a friend anyway.

It's cool.

- Okay, I'll just put it inside.

Oh!

I'll only be a second.

- Oh.

- So where are we going?

Darius?

- Yeah?

- Darius?

Where are we going?

- It's a surprise.

- I hate surprises.

Come on, let's go.

- Okay, you ready?

- I'm ready.

- And open your eyes now.

- Wow, it's like a neon palace.

- I know it looks tacky,

but don't knock it 'til
you've tried it, huh?

- Is this a joke?

- No, no, go in, it's great.

- So do we order at the counter

or the waiter come and take our order?

- Oh!

Yeah, no, I'll head up
the counter, that's cool.

I was thinking we'd grab a pizza.

- Yeah, love pizza.

- Awesome, back in a tick.

Here we are.

Voila!

Whoa, hang, let me get this.

- Mmm!

It's fab pizza.

- Told ya.

- So you were saying?

- Basically what I'm talking about

is the grand design of people's lives.

You see, people have patterns.

I mean, they're always doing
the same thing every day.

Take you, for example.

- Okay, take me, for example.

- I mean, what are the core
things you do with your life?

Alright, hang on a sec.

Let me show you.

You take this.

Here we go.
- Alright.

- Alright, okay.

So you work at the cafe.

- Oh!

A half-eaten piece of pizza.

Awesome.

- You studied at uni.

- Yep, my university of the tissue.

- And you spend time at home.

- Which is also a tissue.

- Then there's the transit

between these three core places.

And there you have it: the
grand design of your life.

- Should we make a move?

- Yeah.

Sure you had enough?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Cool, I'm just gonna duck
to the bathroom for a sec.

I'll be back.
- Yeah, sure.

Hello, Darius.

Um...

I'm gonna make a point of not
saying thank you for tonight,

because then you'll go
home and you'll find this:

your belated thank you.

Thank you for a very interesting evening

at a very unique place

with unique conversation and
a very unique individual.

So thank you.

So no doubt I'll see you
at the cafe tomorrow.

- Yeah, I should have that coke

for you tomorrow, too.

- Aw, thanks.

I really appreciate you doing that for me.

And the weed and stuff.

It's very cool, thanks.

- It's no problem, it's fine.

- So I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yeah...

Okay.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Hey, mate.

Just to The Cross.

Thanks, mate.

Hey, Lazza!
- What's going on, mate?

- Nothing, man,
how are you, brother?

- Same same.

Nice camera, bro.

- Yeah, check it out, man.

- Just make sure those security
boys don't get this, man.

They'll take it off of ya and steal it

and not give it back.

It's a nice picture.

In fact, it's awesome.

Hey, hello.

What's up, girls?
- Hey!

- How you doing?

- Good day!
- Alright.

Cool.

What's going on, girls?

Say something for the camera.

- It's her birthday.

- It's your birthday, yeah?
- It's my birthday.

- Alright, well,
birthday require birthday drinks.

Will you hold that, mate?

Let's fix you up some shots.

- So what's with the camera?

- I just stopped by to show my mate this.

- So...

You didn't come to film my birthday?

- Oh.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Sorry.

I totally forgot.

I knew there was another
reason why I came here tonight.

- I can't believe you forgot my birthday!

- Sorry, it's my bad.

What's your name?

- Michelle.

- Michelle, I'm Darius.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- This is Lucy.

- Hey, how are you?

- Hello.

- Nice.
- Enjoy.

- Cheers.

Cheers.

- Alright, Darius, what
do you say to a drink, mate?

- Yeah, mate.

I'll grab a Corona and...

Michelle, can I buy a birthday drink?

- Champagne.

- And two champagnes as well.

Thanks, mate.

Very, very subtle.

Nice.

- You didn't see anything.

- Oh yeah, no, no.

- Thank you.

- Cheers.

- So I'm studying at the moment.

- Oh yeah? What are you studying?

- Law.

- Jesus, law.

How are you finding that?

- I don't know, it's
fascinating, you know.

There's so much to learn,
but it's, I don't know,

a really cool place.

Yeah, but I'm really loving it.

Do you wanna launch?

- Yeah, yeah, sure, why not?

- Let's go.

Come on.

- Oi, Lazza, mate.

Can I get two tequila shots, man?

- Two tequila shots coming up.

- Well, I kind of think so.

I'm really seriously thinking
about deferring next year.

- Where are
you gonna go traveling?

- I don't know, just--

Are you okay?

I think until you're
paying rent somewhere,

do you really get a sense for a place.

So I think visiting

as a tourist or whatever,
- Michelle!

- you can sorta explore the place,

- Michelle!
- you can check it out

or whatever, but I want to live there.

Sorry, just one sec.

- Everything okay?

- She's just having boyfriend issues.

He's just older, and it's...

She's gonna go meet him.

- Do you wanna
go with her or what?

- To be honest, this happens
every time we go out,

and I'm actually even over it.

It's my birthday, you know?

- Alright, birthday girl.

How about another shot, huh?

- Yeah.
- Alright.

- Come on, boy.

Let's go.

Yeah, baby!

I'm gonna go get a cab.

I'm absolutely busting.

Where's your toilet?

- Just down
there, first on the left.

- Hey.

Are you okay?

It happens.

Hey.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

It's okay.

- Darius, come on!

Door's open, Darius.

I'm coming in.

How are you, dude?

Put your hands in the air
and stop masturbating.

Darius?

What the f*ck?

f*ck!

- Darius!

You were supposed to come.

You alright?

- Yeah.

- You don't look so good.

- Was just passing,
just wanted to say hi.

- Did you see your guy yet?

- Sorry, which guy?

- You were gonna ask him for the coke.

- Um...

Yes.

Yeah, no.
- It's alright.

- No, no, no.

I've got that.

- Oh.

Let me grab some money for you.

- Well, no.

It's at my place.

I haven't got it here.

I'll swing it by later on.

- Well, we're closed.

I can come with you if you want.

Give me five minutes.

- Um...

Sure.

You wanna come back to my place?

- Yeah, just real quick.

It's on the way.

- Could you just meet me there?

Is that cool?

- Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

I can meet you.

Alright.

See you soon.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- You alright?

You sure?
- Yeah.

- Have you got the coke?

That should cover it.

Is that enough?

Thanks, I really appreciate this.

You sure you're alright?

I'm actually meeting a friend,
so I better go, Darius.

Thank you.

Oh! Hey!

f*ck off!

Get off me!

Stop it!

No!

Get off me!

- The f*ck do you want?

- Police!

f*ck! Put the knife down, man.

Put the f*cking knife down!
- Put the knife down, man!

- Put it down!
- Drop the weapon!

- Mate, you have a f*cking choice.

- Put the knife down!

- Put it down, put the f*cking knife down!

f*ck.

- Get her out
of here, get her out.

- f*ck.

Come on, come on.

- You're okay.
- It's okay.

It's okay.

Come on, it's all over now.

It's alright.

- Oh, f*ck.

What the...

Mark!

- What the f*ck?
- Mark,

he's been taping the f*cking thing.

- Oh, f*ck.

You alright here, mate?

I'm gonna check the other room.

- f*cking hell.
- Rob, get the f*ck in here!