Video Dead, The (1987)

[bunniefuu]

[snores]

[doorbell rings]

[snores]

[doorbell rings]

[rings again]

Go away.

[groans]

- Yeah?

- Well, good morning.

Mr. Jordan?

Uh, yeah-- say, uh,

you wouldn't have a cigarette

you could spare, would you?

Uh, sorry, Mr. Jordan,

uh, I don't smoke.

Uh, how 'bout you?

Sorry, buddy,

but I'm a chewer.

Uh, well, anyway, where would

you like it, Mr. Jordan?

Like what?

Why, your delivery, Mr. Jordan.

Hey, hey, look,

there's gotta be some mistake.

I haven't ordered anything but pizza

in the last six months.

Uh, this is just a delivery,


Mr. Jordan, uh, not a C.O.D.

Whatever it is, it's already

been paid for by the sender.

Yeah, okay, bring it in.

[grunts]

Hm, TV?

Who the hell

would send me a TV?

I don't even watch TV.

[music plays]

[Jordan]

Well, what is this sh*t?

[click]

Ahh.

[music plays again]

Achh.

Talk about ugly.

[click]

What the--

sh*t.

[silence]

[snores]

[buzzing]

[expl*si*n]

Well, you want to handle

this one or should I?

We're still a team, aren't we?

I told ya if headquarters

didn't get their act together,

they'd start mixing up

shipping orders.

What I'm wondering is, what the hell

did we deliver to the...

Institute for the Studies

of the Occult?

[doorbell rings]

[rings again]

We're supposed to be runnin'

a deliver service,

not a wake up service.

Hello, Mr. Jordan?

Holy sh*t!

[rock music plays]

[cab driver]

$23.60.

Are we here?

21 Shady Lane Avenue,

sweetheart.

Just wanted to make sure.

I thought you said

this was your house.

It is, but I haven't ever

been here before.

Actually, it's my parents' place.

Oh.

But they haven't ever

been here either.

[creaks]

Miss Blair?

Yes.

Wanna sign on line 11, please?

Sure.

[giggles]

[door rattles]

[gasps]

Uh.

Jeff!

[laughs]

How are ya, sis?

So, when do Mom and Dad

get back in the country, anyway?

Well, I talked

to a guy at Dad's office

and he said maybe

the middle of next week.

I guess life in Saudi Arabia

isn't all the fun and games

it's cracked up to be.

They say they're back in the U.S.

for good this time.

Great, now that we're grown up

and don't need them,

they'll be around.

Don't hold it against them, Jeff.

We've all got a lot

of lost time to make up for.

So, what about you?

What are you up to?

Well, I start my first semester

at the university

the first of next month.

You got in-- great.

What's your major?

Aerobics.

Aerobics?

Yeah.

You know, aerobics.

You can't major in aerobics.

Well, it may not be higher education,

but it's a degree, Jeff.

And I'm taking it very seriously.

I'm almost afraid to ask you

what your minor is.

- Music videos.

- Seriously?

Yeah, seriously.

[doorbell rings]

Uh, hello, sir, my name's Daniels--

Joshua Daniels.

And I was given this address

by the Hi-Lite Delivery Service.

So?

Well, seems there's been

a mix up of some sort.

It was a package, a crate.

It was delivered here

by mistake some time back.

Sorry, mister,

there hasn't been any package.

- We just moved in.

- You just moved in?

Oh, so, what about the people

who were here before you?

Where can I find them?

You got me, pal.

Look, we're just the kids here,

my folks are out of the country.

But they probably

wouldn't know anyway

since my dad's company

got us the place.

Listen to me, young fella,

I drove up all the way from Texas.

I been starin' at that little yellow

line for three days straight.

You see, it looks like

an ordinary TV set, but it isn't.

More lives'll be lost

if it isn't found.

Yeah, well, I really appreciate

your telling me this,

but, uh... I forgot to brush

my teeth, so I gotta go.

Bye.

Damn fool.

You damn fool!

Who was that, Jeff?

Some totally gnarly dude.

He was trying to talk us

into buying a TV or somethin'.

- I got rid of him.

- Huh.

[female] I want you...

...think about you all night.

Make love to me, Jeff.

I want you.

I want you to come

into the attic with me, Jeff.

Come into the darkness.

[laughs]

[sighs] Come on, already,

there's work to do.

Look what I found in the attic--

a TV.

Great, now we have three.

Come on, there's a lot to do

before Mom and Dad get here.

I wonder if this is what

that old buzzard was talking about.

- Hello, there.

- Ah!

Oh, I didn't hear you comin'.

I'm your new neighbor.

Welcome to Shady Lane.

Oh, thanks,

I'm Jeff, Jeff Blair.

I'm April-- don't you hate it?

Sounds like the smell

they put on Kleenex.

I was just about to get

something to drink.

- You wanna come in?

- All right.

- Do you mind if I take the dog in?

- Yeah, sure.

Mind if I take the dog

off the leash?

He's wearing my arm out.

Sure, I love animals.

Me too, but I don't count

poodles as animals.

Funny you should say that.

I hate poodles too.

Uh, how 'bout a nice glass of fresh

water for a change of pace?

[barks]

So, where are your parents?

Well, right now, Saudi Arabia.

They're moving back to the States.

My sister and me

are kinda helping out--

gettin' the house together.

[barks]

[growls]

[growls back]

[dog cries]

Huh?

Chocolate?

Look, why don't you

calm down?

He can't of gotten far.

You don't understand, he likes

to chase skunks in the woods.

And when he finds them,

he tries to mate with them.

Only, skunks don't like

to mate with poodles.

So, they spray him

and then he really gets turned on.

[Jeff] Chocolate.

[April] Chocolate?

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Chocolate.

He's gotta be out here

somewhere.

Do you have any concept

how big these woods are?

Don't you find it a little creepy

living in the m*rder house?

Living in the what?

Geez, you mean nobody told you?

Told me about what?

About the man that used

to live there, Mr. Jordan.

He was a pretty famous writer.

Anyway, he was m*rder*d.

In our house?

Come on, this is a joke, right?

Uh, I think we better keep

looking out for the dog.

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Chocolate.

Chocolate!

Chocolate.

Chocolate!

Oh, no!

What?

There!

Oh, Christ.

Looks like a heart attack.

My goose is cooked.

I could get reform school

for this.

Hey, it wasn't your fault.

But this is Abe

and Beverly Turkow's poodle.

It was never supposed

to be let off the leash.

They never had any kids.

They worship this thing.

Well, if it's so important, they

should have it stuffed and mounted.

[buzzing]

Gonna take one hell of a story

to cover my a*s on this one.

Hey, I've got it.

- You do?

- The dog swallowed a ball.

You were walking

the dog on the leash

and some total jerk

threw the ball to the dog

and he accidentally

swallowed it.

All we have to do is push the ball

down the dog's throat.

They'll never know the difference.

That is really sick.

You think it'll work?

[phone rings]

Hello, Ellison residence.

April?

Oh, April, uh,

one minute please.

Who is it, Maria?

It's for April.

April?

It's for you.

Okay, I got it.

Hello?

Hi, it's me.

Jeff, I'm glad you called.

It worked, you really saved me.

I really owe you one.

So, they bought it, huh?

Like a charm.

Only there's one little thing

that you should know about.

You know how I was supposed

to tell them

someone threw

the ball to Chocolate?

Well, they asked me who and your name

just kinda popped into my mind.

My name?

I'm sure-- don't worry.

Mr. Turkow didn't think

he'd press charges.

Press charges?

Don't worry, he won't.

Besides, the important thing

is that it worked

and, well, I'm gonna

make it up to you.

You are?

Yeah, I am.

Well, my folks won't be

out of town forever.

Why don't you come

over to my place?

[giggles]

I'm sure I can't.

Anyway, you're not

gonna believe this--

my dad is sleeping

with the maid.

It's so gross.

Anyway, I gotta go.

Call me again tomorrow.

Girls.

[click]

[Jeff] Go for it, dude.

[screams]

Come on.

What a piece a junk.

[click, click, click...]

That's more like it.

Too bad your little girlfriend

couldn't come over

and keep you company tonight.

[laughs]

Damn, you don't know what

they put in this stuff nowadays.

Jesus.

How did you get in here?

[giggling]

I can't believe

this is really happening.

Mm-mm.

[giggles]

You know, Jeff,

I've been waiting

such a long, long time

for this moment.

Such a long, long time.

You have?

Yes, Jeff, I have.

[giggles]

Mm-mm, Uh.

[giggles]

[laughs]

Hey, where are you?

I don't get it.

Why are you leaving?

Next thing you'll be asking me

for my phone number.

How do I get in touch with you?

[laughs]

There's someone

in the room with you.

[Jeff] No!

Uh.

Why did you k*ll her?

You don't know...

what you're messin' with.

Why in the hell don't

you leave it alone?

Who is she?

They look just like you and I.

But inside... inside they're--

they're different.

They have no soul.

Who are you?

They call me the garbage man.

I dispose of human garbage.

Why are you telling me all this?

Because you're in danger.

There's been a little accident.

An escape.

They are very real

and very dangerous, Jeff.

Be careful.

No, wait.

- What do I do?

- Take the TV...

and lock it in the basement.

And do one more thing--

Get a mirror

and put the shiny side

next to the screen.

[chuckles]

A mirror.

That's it for me.

Oh, man...

Oh, God.

[thinking]

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Uh!

[pants]

Oh, oh, Jesus!

Oh, God, I must be

losing my mind.

[disposal activates]

[grinding]

What are you doing, Jeff?

It's 6:30 in the morning.

Me?

Uh, just cleaning up, Zoe.

You're acting really strange, Jeff.

Me?

[giggles] Yes, you.

Where's the hallway mirror,

by the way?

Th-- the mirror?

I don't know anything

about the mirror.

Okay, what's going on?

Nothing's going on.

Honest.

You are acting really strange.

That's the way I am.

I'm a strange person.

Dad, I'm leaving for school.

[snores]

[sniffs]

[blender starts]

[snoring]

[prays to herself]

[growls]

[woman whimpers]

[ghoul growls]

Huh?

Who is it?

Who's there?

[ghouls growl]

[screaming]

[radio] Coconut fudge delights--

are you ready?

Start with one cup flour,

then add one teaspoon

baking soda,

next, add two whole eggs,

and then one egg yolk.

And next,

be sure to stay tuned.

We'll be right back.

Oh, honey, you're gonna love these--

coconut fudge delights.

Mm-mm.

Well, that concludes

today's recipe.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow

Finished, what about the coconut?

- for more Cooking Fun

- What do I do with the coconut?

- in Mike's Kitchen.

[buzzes]

[gasps]

[water runs]

Honey, remember

the stock that Filipe,

the busboy at the country club

told me about?

You'll never guess

where it's at now.

Of course, you made me

put the money in the bank.

Wish you'd let me wear

the pants in this house.

Jesus, honey, when was

the last time you had a shower?

You stink.

Oh, oh.

[screams]

[siren]

Sounds like they're headed

for the end of the road.

April.

[siren grows louder]

[tires screech]

[ambulance radio]

[tires screech]

- Jeff.

- Are you okay?

They're dead, Jeff--

both Dad and Maria.

Listen to me, April,

we have to get out of here.

Go someplace that's safe.

What about the police?

If what I think

happened here is true,

it's gonna be a long time

before they figure this one out.

Wish I could make

time fly forward

and be ten years from now

and this would all be just a memory.

[doorbell rings]

You're back.

Mister, I sure hope

you're gonna welcome me in.

Because I'm just about

the only chance that you all got.

[door closes]

Jeff?

- Zoe, this is--

- Daniels, Joshua Daniels.

This is the man who came by

yesterday morning.

I think we should at least

hear him out, Zoe.

Sure thing

you should hear me out.

Now that four people's dead

and gone already.

Does he know something

about the murders, Jeff?

And there's no doubt about it.

It was the video dead.

Video dead?

Somebody better

tell me what's going on

and they better

tell me right now!

I'll tell you what I know.

It's the TV.

I picked it up at a house sale.

My wife lost her life

because of it.

And she weren't the only one.

But exactly how does

a TV set k*ll somebody?

The TV don't k*ll nobody.

It's what comes out

of the TV does the killin'.

Well, then why didn't you

just destroy the thing?

Oh, sister, don't you think I tried?

But you can't.

It sneaks into your brain and...

plays tricks.

Most I could do was package

it up and send it on.

That has got to be

the most far-fetched story

I've heard in my entire life.

Jeff,

you're not buying this, are you?

Listen, sister,

the slaughter's begun already.

You look the other way,

you might just end up

gettin' a nice sized bite

taken outta your rear end.

Look, mister!

You just watch your mouth!

You can't come into my house

and just start--

Stop it!

Stop it, the both of you.

I can't take it anymore.

Oh, let's go upstairs

and get you moved in, okay?

You can sleep

in my parents' room tonight.

Women.

She's been through

a lot for one day.

[growls]

She's upstairs

taking a bath, Jeff.

I want him and his video dead

out of here before she's through.

I reckon a damn fool's

runnin' your family, boy.

[gasps]

[thunderclap]

[growls]

Oh, my God.

[growls]

Help.

Jeff?

Jeff.

Zoe, what is it,

what happened?

They got her, Jeff.

They got her.

She may still be alive.

Come on!

[Joshua] No!

No, Jeff.

Don't go, damn it.

What do you think I'm here for?

I'm here to end this

once and for all.

And I'm countin' on you

for a little help.

You go out there now,

I'm not get even that.

'Cause you'll be dead.

So, whatta we do?

We start by collectin' mirrors--

every one you can find.

Big, medium, small--

just get me mirrors.

Now!

Well, that's every mirror

in the house.

It sure is.

Now what happens?

We set tight 'til sunup.

If you're goin' out huntin',

helps to be able to see

what you're after.

You have to be crazy.

I can't believe I've let this go on

as long as I have.

We're gonna call the police

and we're gonna get out

of here, right now!

Tonight!

Sure, go and call the police.

Hello, officer, we got

some dead people in my house.

Yes, sir.

Sure are still up

and walking around.

He's got a point, Zoe.

Well, if the cops won't believe us,

then at least we can get out of here.

He's got a truck,

I saw it parked outside.

Just forget April ever existed?

- I didn't mean that.

- And what about Mom and Dad?

They're gonna be living in this house

pretty soon too, you know?

[Joshua] Runnin' away

ain't no solution.

I tried that once.

Folks is dead 'cause of it.

I'm listening, mister.

[Jeff] But why mirrors?

The reason

for the mirrors is simple.

The dead can't stand

to look at themselves.

Same goes for when a living person

come up again' one of 'em.

When a living person shows fear,

it all comes home again

that they're different.

All they want to do is k*ll

the only thing they can never be.

The living.

But what if a person could keep

from showing fear?

Wouldn't he be safe?

Keep from showing fear?

Only two ways of doin' 'em in.

At least as far as I know.

First is to trap 'em in a place

from which there is

absolutely no escape.

Then they go crazy.

Eat themselves.

And the other way?

The other way

is much more simple.

Since they think they're alive,

by attacking them

like you would the living

with g*ns, knives, anything,

for a time, they can actually

be convinced they're dead.

To make that death final, however,

they must not be buried.

But left instead to be reclaimed

by mother nature.

Then will this all be over?

Will they really be dead?

Then they'll be

where they belong--

in death.

[clock ticking]

[snores]

[chomping]

[screams]

Uh!

Oh.

Have yourself a little nightmare?

Seemed so real.

Are you leaving now?

Sun's up, sister.

What's in your bag?

I found it.

Jeff?

We're leaving, Zoe.

We're gonna take care of this

once and for all.

Just wait here

'til we come back.

Just promise me

you'll be careful.

Promise me

you'll come back.

Of course

I'll come back, Zoe.

Come on.

You're making a big deal

out of nothing.

These are the keys

to my truck.

If we're not back

by ten minutes to sundown,

take it and get

the hell outta here.

[birds hooting]

Does everybody in Texas

wear a hat like that?

What's wrong

with my hat, boy?

Aw, never mind.

[labored breathing]

[snap]

Ah!

What the hell is wrong

with you, boy?

Jesus Christ.

Don't you ever sneak up

on me like that again.

I didn't sneak up on you, boy.

You sneak up on me

like that again,

you know what's gonna

happen to you?

No, boy, you tell me.

Death and destruction.

Okay, boy, whatever you say.

And that's another thing.

My name isn't boy.

It's Jeff.

Think you can handle that?

Okay, boy. [guffaws]

Go ahead, have your fun.

Cow sh*t.

What'd you call me?

I called you cow sh*t.

You call me boy,

I call you cow sh*t.

Okay, cow sh*t?

Okay, I get your point.

Let's just call each other

by our proper names.

No more cow sh*t,

no more boy.

You can call me Mr. Daniels.

Thank you, Mr. Daniels.

[Jeff] Hey, through here.

This looks like a shortcut.

I think we best

slow up for a while.

Are you okay?

You look like you're

gonna have a heart attack.

Never mind about me.

[coughs]

You said there was

an old shack out here?

Can you take me to it?

Yeah, I think so.

- April!

- Are you nuts?

If they find us

before we're ready for 'em,

[chuckles] you won't be alive

for that girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.

She's just a friend, that's all.

You seem pretty concerned

for just a friend.

Oh, forget it.

I have to take a leak, anyway.

[unzips]

Jesus.

[zips up]

We've got some company,

Mr. Daniels.

Huh?

Where, are you sure?

[Joshua] Get him

before he gets you.

Easy now.

Again, try it again.

Phew, these arrows

must be warped.

I think you're warped, boy.

- [groans]

- Good shot!

This one's for April.

[groans]

[Joshua hoots]

Good shootin', boy.

I got one.

I actually got one.

You sure as hell did, Mr. Blair.

Will you look at that stupid

son of a b*tch?

Not alive.

Can't feel nothin'.

Stick a couple a arrows in it--

thinks it's dyin'.

So, now what happens?

Best get my bag, Mr. Blair.

We got a little touch-up work to do

on this one yet.

Yeah, sure.

[groans]

Here ya go.

[grunts]

Oh, God.

I never said

this would be pretty, Mr. Blair.

Well, you're not going

to believe this,

my all-time-- absolute all-time

favorite horror movie

is the Texas Chainsaw m*ssacre.

I've seen it six times.

This ain't no game, Mr. Blair.

Damn it, I know

this isn't a game.

Look, I saw him first.

I shot him.

It's only fair that I get to use

the chainsaw.

I don't suppose you want me to show

ya how to work this baby.

Use this?

I told ya, I've seen

the movie six times.

Stand back and watch

the master at work.

[chainsaw starts]

[Joshua] Oh, all right!

All right! [hoots]

[Jeff] I think I'm gonna be sick.

You done yourself proud,

Mr. Blair.

[Jeff] So, how long

will he stay like that?

Isn't an exact science.

We best just move on.

There's plenty more

where that'n came from.

There it is.

There's some bells in here.

Copper bells.

Tie 'em to these branches.

Don't ask me how or why,

but when the dead are around

those bells start rattlin'

like an earthquake.

There's a bear trap in there too.

Put that someplace

where it'll do some good.

Right.

All set.

And do you mind tellin' me

what's going on?

Not at all.

We're settin' a trap.

A trap?

Great.

What are we usin' for bait?

Oh, no.

There's no way

I'm goin' through with this.

Cut me down.

But son, you'll be

completely safe up there.

Cut me down right now, Joshua.

You wouldn't talk to me that way

if I was down on the ground.

It's not like I'm leavin' ya

up there alone.

I'll be right in the shed--

pickin' 'em off one by one.

Now, be silent.

On one condition.

I don't like conditions.

Give me the chainsaw.

At least that way if they get to me,

I'll have a chance to fight back.

Okay, you got a deal.

[bird hoots]

Are you sure you got

a clear shot from there?

[laughs]

[bells ringing]

Joshua, something's happening.

Joshua!

Oh, sh*t.

Joshua!

Come on, you as*h*le!

[growls]

[shotgun blast]

[growling]

Joshua!

Joshua, come on!

[chainsaw starts]

It's about time.

Uh, uh!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, oh.

Coming, Mr. Blair.

Hang on.

Be off, be off!

Be off or you'll wind up

like all these others!

Be off!

[hoots and laughs]

We did it, Mr. Daniels.

We wiped them out.

Uh!

We sure as hell did.

We sure as hell did, Mr. Blair.

Now, we'd better load up

and track that little lady down.

[owl hoots]

[animal hoots and cries]

She's gotta be

out here somewhere.

[chainsaw idling]

[Joshua]

Eeahh!

Think she went far?

How the hell should I know.

You're the expert,

aren't you?

[growls]

[whimpers]

[Joshua moans]

[growls]

Uh!

Ow!

[click]

[chainsaw revs]

[moans]

Uhh!

April.

[growls]

[grunts]

[sighs] Jeff where are you?

[thinking]

Jeff,

Went for help.

Zoe.

- [growling]

- [Zoe] Oh, no.

Oh!

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, no.

[growls]

Oh!

[heavy breathing]

Uh!

[groans]

[roars]

[screams]

Go away.

[clunk]

[scraping]

Oh, please, stop.

[door closes]

[sobs]

[voice of Joshua]

When a living person shows fear,

all they wanna do is k*ll.

[voice of Jeff] But what if a person

could keep from showing fear?

How nice to see you all.

[Zoe giggles]

Oh,

won't you come in?

I hope you'll enjoy this.

It's a recipe that's been

in my family for generations.

[Zoe]

Mm-mm.

[gasps]

[Zoe]

You want me to sit?

[growls]

Oh, how silly of me,

I almost forgot.

Would you like--

a drink?

A nice warm drink?

[growls]

[breathes heavy]

Oh.

Here.

There.

[giggles]

[voice of Joshua]

To k*ll 'em,

trap 'em in a place from which

there is absolutely no escape.

Then they'll go crazy.

Eat themselves.

[grunting and groaning]

Dancing, let's go dancing.

Of course, this isn't

the proper place for dancing.

The best place for dancing

is in the basement.

Or didn't you know that?

Of course, for true dancing

uses a live orchestra.

But for tonight

this record player should do.

[laughs]

I almost forgot the-- the record.

Yeah.

So, uh, I left them upstairs,

but I'll go get 'em

and then I'll come right back.

Okay?

[grunts]

I--

Uh!

[groans]

[whimpers]

[grumbling]

[groaning]

[music plays]

[caws]

I just don't understand

what could have happened.

Just pray

it's not drugs, dear.

I've been a

good father to them.

Now, remember what

the doctor said, dear--

we have to treat her

just as if she were well.

Good morning, darling.

I hope you slept well.

Heck, I slept like

a ton a bricks.

I always sleep best

in the fall.

Well, we're off to do

some shopping, honey.

But before we go, we have

a little surprise for you.

We brought it from home

for you, dear.

Your father and I hope

it keeps you company.

Sorry.

[growls]

[Zoe screams]