Good evening, folks.
It's 8:00 p.m. and you know
what that time means.
It's jazz time
here at KJZB 90.5.
We hope your Christmas Eve is
being spent with
some loved ones
and you're able
to take a step back
and reflect
on the meaning of love, life,
and the infinite heavens
above and beyond.
Be sure to bundle up
with a few extra layers
- as temperatures
are at a minus 10 here
in the central southern tier.
Crystal clear skies,
but broodingly cold.
Ch-ch-ch-chilly.
Perfect conditions
to see this magical event.
...we've been given here
at the station,
that the International
Space Station will be flying
over our humble little town
at 5:47 this morning.
That's 5:47 a.m.,
when we will all
get our best shot.
And after months
of grey, gloomy skies,
we finally have
a clear one, folks.
And on Christmas, no less.
How about that?
And just another reminder
about tomorrow's
Central Valley Snow Fest.
Bring your kids,
friends, family,
even dogs if you got them.
And of course,
do not forget your mittens,
like the ones I have right here
from the one and only
Johnson City Coat Factory.
...winter adventures.
Have you heard about
the most prolific butcher
in the Tri-County area?
Yes, I'm talking about
Earl's Pork Emporium.
Hey.
It's finally a clear sky.
She'll see it too. I know it.
If it's not oinking,
you're not at Earl's.
And I gotta admit, jazz fans,
that might be
the very first time
I've said the word "oinking"
on the air.
Well,
I'm happy to pass on a message
that the Greater Binghamton
Airport is now hiring.
They're looking to fill
a variety of positions,
from baggage handlers to
the manager of the Weenie Hut.
Boy, do they make
great hot dogs.
And now, a majestic tune
recorded in 1924,
to soothe your soul on this
beautiful winter evening,
right here on KJZB 90.5,
your home of cool jazz.
71 to Base, signing in.
About a two-minute delay.
Sorry about that.
Entering town.
71 to Base, do you copy?
71 to Base, do you copy?
Ralph?
Ralph, good morning, 71.
Hey, how's
the weather out there?
How's the roads?
I'm sorry, I was busy here,
working my a*s off.
Roads are okay so far.
-Winds aren't bad.
-Yeah.
Five knots coming in
from the southwest.
That's really good to know.
Hey, Ralph,
we got your first call.
We got someone over there
by the convenience store
on Riverside.
He's going to the Brass Rail.
-It's all yours, my boy.
-10-4.
And don't you worry,
Ralphie boy,
I know you gotta
get home early.
Lucky lady. I bet ya, huh?
Daddy's coming home,
and he's got a big gift
for naughty lady.
Something like that.
We'll get you home
by five, you filthy dog.
Thank you, Frank.
...right here on KJZB 90.5,
your home for cool jazz.
Good luck.
It's made for you to lose.
Damn.
Why are we doing this?
Let's just give it another shot.
We mess up,
we fight, we figure it out.
It's our thing.
We figure it out?
That's our thing?
I can't have that
around my daughter.
You can't either.
...and the power
of 12 Megatrons.
Father, Father, we missed you.
I missed you too.
Children,
I brought some visitors.
Merry Christmas, ma'am.
You too.
Just a coffee and a scratch off.
That'll be $4.71.
Oh.
That should be it.
You the cab driver?
Santa Claus on Mars?
Where will we get
a Santa Claus?
There's only one Santa Claus,
and he's an Earth.
Got any heat?
Never mind, man.
Something wrong with your leg?
Saw you limping back there.
Falls asleep.
Yeah.
Need a quarter?
Here.
Thank you.
-You mind if I--
-Go for it.
Yes, another gem...
Keep it here on KJZB
for another classic so sweet,
it'll give your grandmother's
apple pie a run for its money.
"Song of India" by another...
How'd you do?
Need anything else?
We're good?
So, how long you been driving?
Here.
Harry.
Ralph.
I was gonna ask her this week.
Toothpick?
- You can't take me now.
It's too near Christmas.
- Quiet, you.
We don't want to hurt you,
Santa Claus,
so come along quietly.
Oh, why didn't you say so
in the first place?
Now you come with us.
We need you on Mars.
The whole thing is rigged.
Everything.
The system?
Complete bullshit.
We got people
working 70 hours a week.
For what?
For this?
You work 70 hours?
Don't you live
with your parents?
It's not about me.
It's about the rich
ripping off the rest of us.
I'm telling you,
it's corporate corruption.
And Christmas
is a fantastic scam for them.
They're laughing,
watching us put up our lights
and our trees
and buy each other gifts
so that we think that we're
really giving to each other.
When actually,
we're just increasing
the net profits
of a few companies.
And they're laughing
in their big gold mansions.
Drinking their champagne
or whatever the hell they drink.
Their palm trees and sh*t.
I'll have another one.
What?
You got a name, miss?
I've been telling you all night.
It's Robin.
Like the stupid bird.
Robin.
Jack.
George.
Oh. Holy sh*t.
-You, my God, dude.
-My bad.
sh*t, it's f*cking cold.
You good?
Still messing around
with those things.
You got a quarter?
Throwing away
your hard-earned money.
Look who's talking.
You're k*lling yourself
with that sh*t.
Smoking your life away.
How's the situation?
Bad?
Got the boot.
My eviction is this Friday.
So looks like I'm moving in
with you, my friend.
I got 'em.
I got 'em.
- Harry.
- That's Jack.
- You from around here?
- Just passing through.
Doing anything tonight?
Nothing special.
Gotta see the kiddo.
She wants to see
that space thing
at, like, 5:00 a.m.
or some sh*t like that.
- It's stuck or something.
It's stuck.
-You listening?
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyway,
she wants to be an astronaut.
-First lady on the moon.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, something, isn't it?
-Adorable.
Yeah, no.
Kids, man,
they will believe in anything.
Santa Claus and all that.
What's Santa got to do with it?
-What?
-What's that got to do with it?
What's what got to do with what?
Santa and the moon.
What?
You know,
kids believe in that sh*t.
You know, that's all.
Oh, wait, you-- you actually
think that we went to the--
To the moon. Yes.
We went to the damn moon.
-Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.
-Are you messing with me?
-You kidding me?
-Come on.
You think a tiny little human
went all the way to the moon.
We went to the damn moon.
Yeah. Okay.
-You know how I know?
-How?
Because we went
to the f*cking moon.
You're f*cking crazy, man.
- Okay.
- Crazy, man.
I think you need to get
my buddy another drink here.
Crazy, man.
Robin, tell him.
You know we went to the moon.
- We went to the moon.
- Thank you.
Piece of sh*t.
Game's rigged.
I don't like him.
Keep an eye on him
for me, will you?
Okay.
My friend just passed away.
I was having a dream about it.
He just died just like that.
From diabetes.
It's amazing how fast
this happened, you know?
Like from nowhere.
And it's over.
Just like that.
It's done.
I have a diabetes, too,
but I'm taking care
of myself, you know?
Henry didn't resolve
his diabetes
and else.
So, you here
for the night or something?
-Yes, one night.
-Name?
Elaine.
Where are you coming from?
Basement is
currently off-limits.
Doing some renovation.
Not like
you're gonna go down there.
Just off-limits, that's all.
Those damn renovation
takes forever.
It's just a few
minutes before Christmas,
folks,
and for all you night owls
out there listening,
make the most
of this special night.
We hope you're able to spend it
with loved ones, close friends,
or even some perfect strangers.
No judgment here, folks.
Have yourselves
a Merry little Christmas.
From the beginning
of their relationship,
the Duke and Bill's
recording sessions
on nearly every label including
Brunswick, Victor,
and Columbia.
The Duke's records
were often issued
under different pseudonyms,
like the Harlem Foot Warmers,
Whoopee Makers,
and of course,.
The Duke performed music
for
which include mixed comedy,
dance, audio, burlesque music,
and yes...
...the Duke's bands,
whatever they are,
are always the sharpest
dressed cats in the room.
And if you, too,
would like to be the sharpest
dressed in your world,
check out Dundee's Haberdashery
for a two-for-one sale.
Dundee's House of Haberdashery,
According to NASA, the ISS
had a mass of 42,600 pounds
with 41.2 feet long,
4.4 meters wide,
and three docking boards.
Merry Christmas, sweetie.
The stars are beautiful
tonight.
Miss you, Mom.
I'll be back in the morning.
Merry Christmas.
I'll see you at 5:47.
If there's no air on the moon,
how do you explain why
the flag's flapping in the wind?
All I'm saying is
there's more questions
than there are answers.
That's all.
I'm sorry I'm a thinker.
Whoa.
Ah.
Jack.
I'm Jack.
What's his deal, you think?
Probably some
kind of serial k*ller.
Whoa.
I need some
Christmas lovin' tonight.
From who?
From who?
You gotta be careful
with that sh*t.
Anyway, there's no place
like that open tonight.
I am careful. I pay good money.
I don't know. I wouldn't do it.
Why? Because it's ill*gal?
No, because it's filthy, man.
The only reason
people think it's filthy
is because it's ill*gal.
If it was legal, it'd be clean
and the only reason it's ill*gal
is because they want to make
a buck off locking people up
and taxing you, me,
and anybody else
who wants to have
a little bit of fun
that isn't a damn bajillionaire.
I don't know.
All I know
is that if it's ill*gal,
it might be filthy.
Not that it would be clean
if it was legal,
but it's not legal,
so it's not definitely clean.
You know what I mean?
How much we playin' for, boys?
$50?
Me against
both of you knuckleheads.
You got first shot.
You got any money?
I don't.
Don't worry about it.
Game on.
sh**t for the moon, George.
sh**t for the moon.
Let's go, big papa.
Might as well
be prepared to weep.
Down here!
And the skin is a-rippin'
And the heart's still pumpin'
And the blood is drippin'
From a roadkill
Yeah, baby.
There's a dog on the table
Yeah! Game time.
Game time right here.
A little chalk
on that cue there, boys.
Yes, here we go, here we go.
Now we're cooking.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Out.
Out.
Yeah, sir!
Yeah!
Okay.
Out of cash, damn.
-You got any cash, Harry?
-No.
Just show me
a good time tonight, boys.
Where are we gonna go?
It's Christmas Eve.
There's gotta be
something open tonight.
If you're looking
for a fun night out
and some of the finest
Chinese cuisine
north of New York's Chinatown,
get yourself to the grand
opening of the Priceless Palace
and order up some of
their award-winning dumplings.
Mm, you can't beat
a good Chinese dumpling.
I'll see you there.
Ah!
71, we got
someone going to the airport.
Pick up on Quentin.
And 71, this is
one slow f*ck' night.
After this airport ride,
go home
and make that lady lucky.
Appreciate that, Frank.
Hi, Binghamton.
Stanley Greene from World Shoe
with an important message
about shoes and success.
Do you want to be
the best that you can be?
Do you want that perfect job?
Are you feeling held back
by the obstacles of life?
At World Shoe,
we're here to help you.
I know what you're thinking.
Stanley, how did you get
so successful?
Well, let me tell you,
I started from the ground up,
with a good pair of shoes.
Our shoes will fit
your needs always.
We've got the shoes for you.
Put your best foot forward!
Three, two, one,
Happy New Year!
Remember to...
Remember to...
Remember to...
Still procrastinating
on going to the shop?
Hoping there's one last chance
to get that perfect present
for your loved ones?
Well, stop hoping and head down
to 99 Antiques on Clinton.
These guys have just about
everything you can imagine,
with items ranging
from the late 1700s
all the way up
to the present day.
Old radios, clocks,
knickknacks, figurines,
trinkets of all shapes
and sizes.
99 Antiques on Clinton.
Let's go back in time.
You call a cab?
No, man,
I ain't call no cab.
The installment
is part of the All-Star Trio...
You call the cab?
The All-Star Trio
worked for electric company...
- You have a Merry Christmas, sir.
- -You too.
Just a reminder that
the International Space Station
will be flying overhead
at 5:47 this morning.
That's 5:47 a.m.
So brace yourself, folks,
and get ready to look up in awe
at this celestial masterpiece,
a celestial event
brought to you
right here at home,
just like this tune
from Seymour Simons
entitled "Night".
Hey, taxi!
Oh, hey, hey!
The airport.
Stanley Greene.
Ralph.
You can call me Stan.
Stanley's my father.
Got any heat?
- What?
- Nothing.
- You said something.
- No, I didn't.
Okay, you said something.
Yeah, I think it's amazing
you think
they staged the moon landing.
Okay, you got
your opinion, I got mine.
Just kind of sad you think that.
Me and 99% of the world.
Even worse.
So, where are we going?
I say we go to Juicy's.
I hear they never close.
Juicy Mooners.
You're crazy.
Give me some of that.
Shouldn't be doing this here,
I don't think.
Happy Holidays
from all of us here at KJZB,
your home for classic jazz.
If you're just tuning in,
it looks like we're having
ourselves a bona fide celestial
event coming our way tonight.
More on that after
this celestial masterpiece,
this time
by the great Sunny Cunha.
We do like to mix it up
here every now and then, folks.
What can I say, it's just
that kind of night
here on KJZB.
Where'd you get those?
That new place,
down back that way.
Want one?
Watching what I eat.
Only oats at night for me.
But, um...
what are those?
-Dumplings.
-Yes.
Where you headed?
Helsinki.
Finland.
My fiance's there.
She lives there.
Loves the cold.
I guess that's her home now.
I think the distance really
makes us love each other more.
We think so.
I think it does.
Yeah. What time is your flight?
2:30, I think.
I'm in business.
What kind?
I run a plant.
A factory.
It's a good factory.
Yeah, it's a factory, basically.
You make stuff?
Shoes.
We make shoes.
Great shoes.
It's a shoe factory.
-That's important, shoes.
-Shoes.
Yeah.
-Shoes.
-Yeah.
Shoes.
You got any more
of those things?
Might be a bit cold.
Gonna call us a cab.
You know, I think you're right
about all that moon stuff.
Oh, yeah?
Yep.
Been looking
into that whole thing for years.
Complete hoax.
Yeah.
George, got any change?
You sure
you wanna go to Mooners?
Yeah, Christmas, baby.
Your buddy's believing
a whole load of crap, you know?
But it's comforting.
Galaxy taxi.
Our cabs have more space.
We're short-handed
here tonight,
so I'm not gonna be able
to help you out.
Wait, wait, come on, man,
it's freezing out here.
We'll wait a little bit more
if we gotta.
Is Ralph still driving?
You can tell him it's Harry.
Hey, you know Ralph, huh?
Yeah, Ralph's our best driver
by far.
He's been with us a long time.
He hasn't had one bad review.
Not one vehicle in probation,
nothing.
Not even a flat tire
in all the time
he's been with us.
Yeah.
Good boy.
Okay.
I don't know. Ralph's supposed
to be done for the night,
When that guy's has his mind up
on something,
there's not much chance
of changing it, believe me.
Come on, man.
We're at the diner on state
going all the way
to the west side.
It's f*cking
freezing out, please.
Sure, I promised him
I'd let him go home early.
I gave him my word,
I gave him my word.
And when I give my word,
when I give my word, I keep it.
Usually.
Could you just tell him
it's Harry? He knows me.
We're friends.
All right, I'll talk to him.
Okay, so...
So, okay, so, should we...
It's on the way.
He'll come around.
Beautiful city.
What?
The city, cool place.
This sh*thole?
Well, you know,
it's got its charm.
-You're prepping, right?
-Prepping?
Yeah.
For what?
For what?
f*cking end of times, man.
World w*r III.
Whatever you want to call it.
- No, should I?
- Absolutely.
-Well, I guess I'll think on it.
-Yeah.
Should be here soon.
So, you prepping, Harry?
Am I what?
Prepping.
Preparing
for the end of times, baby.
Not now, man.
Too much going on.
Well, when sh*t hits the fan,
don't worry.
I'll tell you I told you so.
Let me get some of that.
Might not be a bad idea
to bunker up.
I'm not bunkering up.
Might not be a bad idea
is all I'm saying.
There's not gonna be
any bunkering.
My daughter's not gonna want
to live in some bunker.
Well, probably not gonna be
any time anyway.
Pretty much
every man for himself.
When sh*t hits the fan,
I'm sure as hell
gonna be there for my daughter.
It's an idealist view,
but not a pragmatic one.
When push comes a shove, and
you're left with five minutes
to get a can of beans
and some shelter,
good luck getting your daughter.
Every man for himself.
Particularly you,
getting the boot and all.
Hey, f*ck you, man.
- Harry.
- Hey, f*ck him.
Hey, f*ck you, Jack.
Whoa there, tiger.
I'm gonna save my daughter
whether I got
five minutes or five seconds.
When sh*t hits the fan,
a damn can of beans
and a bunker
can take a back seat to my kid.
I don't know if you'd leave
your kid like some dirtbag,
but I'm not f*cking doing that.
f*ck you.
- You called the cab, right?
- Yeah.
- 71.
- Yes, Frank, I'm here.
Ralph, you got some floss
or something?
Yeah, Ralph, I know I said
you'd be done after this one,
but we're gonna need you
for one more.
71?
Thanks.
- 71?
- Yeah.
Ow! f*ck.
Everything okay there, 71?
- Yes, Frank.
They're going up
to your neck of the woods.
Drop them off and you're done.
Well before five.
It's a personal request.
The guy goes
by the name of Harry.
At the diner.
You sure it's the last one?
I give you my word, Ralph.
Okay, should be fine.
10-4.
Boss?
Yeah, he gave me this job
when I really needed it.
It'll be fine.
Come on.
Oh, no, I can't,
not while I'm driving.
Just a sip.
Ralph. Just a sip.
It's Christmas.
If he thinks
he can make you work like a dog,
you gotta have a drink.
There's nobody on the roads,
have we seen anybody?
Come on, Ralph.
Ralphie!
Ralph!
Ralph!
Is it warm?
Where the hell is this cab?
It'll come.
Yeah, well,
these cabbies are all the same.
Better trip comes up
and they'll leave you out here
like a dog.
He'll be here.
Ralph's different.
-So where'd you say
you were from?
-Out west.
Okay, where out west?
Why are you so curious?
He's just wondering,
it don't matter.
Just asking.
Hey, what happened?
I don't know.
And, yes,
another important reminder
that the space station
will be flying overhead
at 5:47 this morning.
That's 5:47 a.m. on the dot.
Man, I thought
I was a stickler for time,
but these NASA folks are--
You know what?
f*ck Finland.
f*cking igloos.
We're just getting
started here.
Who the hell goes to Finland?
What time is your flight again?
2:30.
We got time.
Do you want to be
the best you can be?
Do you want that perfect job?
Do you feel like
you're being held back
by the obstacles in life?
Well, our friends at World Shoe
are here to help.
Their modern,
state-of-the-art shoes
are built for anything,
anytime, anywhere.
And as the one and only
Stanley Greene puts it, quote,
"put your best foot forward
at World Shoe."
Stanley.
Hey, Stanley.
Hey, Stanley.
Stanley.
Man.
Stanley.
License and registration,
please.
Ralph.
Jorfs...
Ralph Brynjors...
-You know
why I walked over here?
-No, officer.
Saw some commotion.
Everything good?
Yeah, just waiting
for some people to pick up,
is all.
What is that?
What am I smelling?
You go to that new
Chinese place downtown?
Yeah, do you want one?
No, I'm watching what I eat.
Trying to.
But finally, we got one of
those Chinese places in town.
About f*cking time.
I've been eating
all this Greek sh*t.
What's with
all the Greeks, anyway?
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I love them and all,
but, you know.
Yeah, about f*cking time.
Wish they had a Polish place
around here.
You like Polish food?
It's good stuff.
I'm Polish.
100%.
Born and raised here,
but, you know.
Well, okay.
Good night.
You take care now.
Oh.
Can you keep a secret, Ralph?
-Yeah.
-Okay, good.
I heard from some unofficial
but trusted source
that there's some guy
from somewhere out of town
going around k*lling people
right here in Binghamton.
Right now.
I think the guy's from Alaska.
Arizona.
Yeah.
I think.
Crazy, right?
Right here, on Christmas,
some out-of-towner coming in,
trying to ruin
our wonderful community.
Anyway, just thought
you should know.
You know, seeing that
you're driving people around.
Well...
Well, I hope you find him.
I'll try.
Good night, you take care now.
Oh, thank God! See?
Just like I said, Ralph's here.
-Hey, Ralph.
-Hey.
Where are we going?
I think he had
a little too much to drink.
Watch his head.
- Where are you headed?
- Juicy's.
[items clattering
Got any heat?
And Mrs. Santa Claus
has positively identified
the kidnappers as Martians.
Never in the history
of mankind have the nations
of the world reacted
with such unanimity
and cooperation.
Tonight, the lights will burn
until dawn in
the United Nations building.
You're gonna bring
them all back with us tomorrow?
We'll be right back
with the cash.
Three minutes, don't worry,
just gotta use the ATM.
Don't worry, three minutes.
Merry Christmas, man.
Oh, baby,
the temperatures have dropped
another three degrees,
here in the Southern Tier.
Now reading at minus 13
Fahrenheit here on KJZB.
Stay warm out there, folks.
We have just about
two hours until--
Well, actually, about two hours
and two minutes,
to be more precise.
So, brace yourselves, folks,
and get ready to look up
at the celestial masterpiece
rocketing above our little
corner of the universe.
You know, during these
grueling winter months,
you can only hope for the best
when it comes
to your automobile.
But at Scotty's Tire and Sons,
they're always prepared
for the worst.
Scotty's Tire
and Sons, they do oil changes,
spark plug replacements,
battery testing, and even
a complete engine replacement.
Yeah, that's right,
Scotty does it all.
Scotty and Sons,
on the corner of Walnut Street
and Victory Road.
Are you feeling lonely?
Well, come on down
to the singles mixer
at Juicy Mooners,
the number one gentlemen's club
in the central southern tier.
The perfect place for those
who want to mix it up.
Juicy Mooners,
they never close.
Hello, boys.
Oh, Georgie, how are you doing?
Hi.
-Hi, Harry.
-Hi.
I didn't know
you two were friends.
- ATM not working?
- Piece of sh*t.
But don't you worry,
tonight's on us.
-What about Ralph?
-Yeah--
We're a little low
on staff tonight
because, you know, the holidays.
They've had a long day.
Drinks at the bar?
Be nice to my girls.
And maybe
I'll be nice to you.
You got any money?
You know I don't have any.
Anyways, it's free tonight.
A Christmas special.
-I know, you gotta tip, though.
-Tip?
Yeah, we gotta tip.
Even though it's free,
you gotta tip.
Standard protocol.
I wouldn't have stayed
if it wasn't free.
Largely because
I don't have money.
It is free. You just gotta tip.
- You got any money?
- What?
You got any cash?
Come on,
you can't pay with that.
Hi, Binghamton. Stanley
Greene, from World Shoe,
with an important message
about shoes and success.
Do you want to be
the best that you can be?
It's classic jazz
on this heavenly night.
And I do mean heavenly,
since word out of NASA,
that's right, folks.
NASA confirms that
the International Space Station
will apparently be quite
visible from our own backyards.
A heavenly moment
brought right to you at home.
Just like this tune
from the eternal Eddie Storman.
We'll see it soon, Mom.
...your home
for classic jazz.
Hey. Harry.
Harry.
Hey, Harry.
Ralph. Oh, sh*t.
Sorry, man.
We got a bit sidetracked.
I really need that money,
and I gotta get going.
The ATM's not working.
Look, I barely want
to be here myself.
Let's just stay
for a little bit.
There's no other drivers
out this late.
Plus, you deserve
a little break.
Huh?
Let's just stay
for a little bit.
Here, my friend.
Have a seat.
You got just
a little time, right?
I think I can stay
ten or 15 minutes.
Hell, yeah.
Oh, and Ralph?
Ralph!
You got any cash?
We gotta tip her.
Standard protocol.
That's all Ralph.
Hmm.
Ralph! Let's go! Woo!
Yeah, Ralphie!
That's okay, Ralphie, yeah!
Okay, Ralphie!
Let's go, yeah! Let's go!
Woo! Yeah!
Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!
Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!
Ralph! Come on. Let's go.
Hey!
Ralph. Let's go.
All right, jazz fans.
T minus 47 minutes to go.
So hurry up
and get your sweaters on,
make your hot cocoa,
and grab your telescopes.
Don't miss a second
of this magical event.
Yeah!
Ralph, you're coming
to the bar with us, right?
Ralphie, what up,
Ralphie, boy?
Ralph, now, Ralph,
you took the cake, though, man.
If Jenny
finds out about this...
Or the cake took you,
one or the other,
I don't know what it
was, but, God damn!
If Jenny finds out about this,
she's gonna put her foot
up in your a*s, bud.
Yeah. Hell, yeah.
You ain't got no old lady
at home, though, Ralph?
No, Ralph is single,
and ready to mingle.
Yeah.
What the--
Jack, get
your crazy a*s in here.
Look, Jack on one. Jack on two.
Yeah.
You better check
how many dollar bills
Ralphie's got left with him.
sh*t, Ralph better not have
no dollar bills left
with him, huh, after that.
I mean, hey,
I hope you never know.
You never--
-You ain't gonna get it from me.
-sh*t, man, I don't know.
What the f*ck?
Sit your a*s down.
Damn, it ain't this cold
in Arizona.
Okay.
So, you're from Arizona.
The truth finally comes out.
Crazy, yeah. Crazy-a*s.
Crazy.
I told y'all
Ralph was different.
Is that a cop?
-I think that's a cop.
-Oh, f*ck, man.
Maybe we should just pull over.
I mean...
- We were the ones drinking.
- Do not pull over, Ralph.
Why not?
We've got nothing to hide.
We're just passengers.
Don't give them what they want.
They can't think
they can just pull us over
like we're a bunch
of wild animals
when we didn't do nothing.
Ralph, you gotta pull over, man.
I mean, it's probably
just a headlight or something.
Do not pull over, Ralph.
-I'm with Jack.
-What?
- I'm with Jack.
- -No, I can't believe either one of you.
You can't-- you can't do that!
Ralph, you gotta pull over, man.
Oh, f*ck that cop,
we did nothing.
It's going to be worse
if you don't just pull over.
Yeah, it's gonna be great
when the cop sees
a dead guy in here, huh?
-Him?
-Yeah.
He's not dead.
He's just passed out.
Well, he's not moving,
and I'm pretty sure
he isn't breathing.
And I'm pretty sure
that's Stanley Greene.
He's not dead!
Well, he's not waking up!
- I can't tell.
- See?
Well, I don't know,
I can't feel anything,
my hands are f*cking frozen.
Bring it on, m*therf*cker!
Ralph, step on it, man.
Step on it, Ralph!
What the f*ck?
No!
George, hand me some stuff,
will you?
What the f*ck?
sh*t. Come on.
Oh, my God!
- Here you go, Jack.
- What the f*ck?
We are going to jail.
You taking the exit, Ralph?
Dude, why do we keep circling?
I'm just asking.
I don't like rotaries.
Okay.
Just slow down.
And--
Remember to...
Merry Christmas, sweetie.
The stars are beautiful
tonight.
What the f*ck?
This isn't Finland!
-Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
-All right!
Yeah! Woo!
I told you! I told you!
That's Ralph. Stay strong!
Let me out of this thing!
All righty, folks,
T minus 24 minutes
before the International
Space Station passes over us.
Keep it here on KJZB.
The magic coin.
Pleasure meeting
you tonight, Ralph.
Keep it.
In here!
So you think we should ask him?
What the hell?
Ask him what?
What his deal is.
He is definitely
on the run from something.
I mean, look at this place.
Time for a little
celebration, huh, guys?
Hmm.
-So, Jack.
-Yeah?
What did you... Why...
Did you do something...
What he means to ask is...
You know...
Who are you on the run from?
We're friends now, right?
Boys?
These...
are little pieces
of the moon, supposedly.
Don't matter if it's true.
The government
doesn't want us to have them.
I stole these
back home, for my daughter.
Been on the run ever since.
Not that I want
to buy her love, but...
If I can't live in a house
I bought with my own dough...
I gotta show her
that I'm there somehow.
How...
How'd you get 'em?
Pretty stupid of me, I'll admit.
Can't really go back home
for a while.
Maybe ever.
Jerry?
Here.
For your kid.
Oh.
All righty, folks.
It's just about here.
If you haven't gone
outside yet,
I highly recommend you do so.
T minus seven minutes.
71 to base.
Almost home.
Ride's complete.
Merry Christmas, Frank.
Exit the vehicle
with your hands up!
Get on your knees!
Want a fortune cookie?
You're gonna need it.
Headin' home
Headin' home
Ooh, finally on the road,
Headin' home
Home
Finally on the road,
Headin' home
Headin' home
Hey, is that you idiots
making all that noise?
Yessiree, folks,
I don't mind telling you
we're all pretty excited
down here at KJZB.
As the International
Space Station
is coming our way
in, oh, just about
T minus five minutes or so.
It's roughly the size
of four city buses,
if you can believe it...
Okay, buddy.
Gotta see the kiddo.
Before I go...
You never know.
Ralph was lucky.
Who's Ralph?
He's a cab driver.
Merry Christmas.
You, too.
Mm-hmm.
Hey again, folks.
T minus one minute.
Don't miss a second
of this magical event.
If we hurry, we can get
back in time for Christmas Eve.
Yay!
Away!
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Citizens of Binghamton,
I thank you for joining us here
tonight to witness one of
the greatest achievements
in human history.
The International Space Station
is flying over us.
It will be visible
for about six minutes.
It may appear to be
just another tiny dot
in the sky,
but it's much more than that.
It's the culmination of
human cooperation
and curiosity.
It's one of the greatest
achievements in mankind.
Ignition and liftoff
of the space shuttle Endeavour
with the first American element
of the International
Space Station
uniting our efforts in space
to achieve our common goals.
The roll, pull down.
This is our
goal, building a space station
and setting
the pace for the future.
And when you get
a look out the window
and see Zarya and Unity
joined together,
it's pretty awesome.
You know,
maybe it's my medicine
doing the talking here, folks,
but the International
Space Station
flying above us
is for me a true symbol
for humanity...
providing a feeling
of connection
that we can all share.
That we are not alone
on this big blue marble
we call home
on the planet Earth.
And all the planets
for that matter,
and the galaxies.
We are all connected
and united as one.
And the ISS speeding overhead
is proof of that.
That we are all linked
on this planet.
Hey, honey.
How you doing?
I'll be home before you know it.
Just got word from NASA
that the International
Space Station will be visible
to us for just
a few precious moments
before disappearing into
darkness of the Earth's shadow.
But fear not, jazz fans,
you can call me sentimental,
but like it says in that poem
about death itself,
the space station
may depart from our view,
but where it's headed,
there will be new eyes
to witness its approach.
And at the moment
we look up and say,
"There it goes,"
someone else out there
will be saying,
"Here it comes."
Remember to...
always look up.
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Stationed At Home (2025)
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