[silence]
Official MY-SUBS movies site:
MY-SUBS.MX
[birds singing]
- sh*t.
[grass rustling]
This is actually kind of creepy.
Like, what would that
even originally be for?
It's not like the rest of
the building was blown away,
there's no evidence of it.
- [Ricky] Do you think the
property owners built this?
- Dude this would be good
to use, we could say it's
like a gateway to another
world or something like that.
Like you pass through it
and then you're a ghost,
or ghosts pass through
it to get into our world,
like that's how we
could start the episode.
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t,
you're right that's good.
- This is perfect, like we
should...
sh*t, and there's like...
Dude, there's a shitload
of spiders on it too,
like little white ones.
- [Ricky] I wouldn't touch
those.
[Chris laughs]
- [laughs] I'm OK.
[distorted static buzzing]
[beeping]
[static buzzing]
[panting]
[eerie music]
Ah, this is actually kind of,
ugh.
[fly buzzing]
Ah, dude, it's like f*cking
[sighs].
[grunts] Oh yes!
OK that was pretty Mortal
Kombat of me actually.
sh*t, dude I don't know, why
can't we just
hire someone to do my sh*t
again, my camera sh*t?
I feel like I should be on
screen as much as possible,
unadulterated, unobscured.
Dude, how do we even get through
here?
There's like this
lame-a*s--
- [Ricky] How many f*cking
barbed fences--
- [Chris] Barbed wire.
- [Ricky] Are we gonna run into?
- [Chris] Already had one
run-in today with these.
- [Ricky] Do, ah, do they
realize that barbed wire
doesn't keep ghosts out?
[flies buzzing]
sh*t [laughs].
This is way better, like
even than I imagined.
So, I'm thinking as far
as the effect of it,
like the ghostliness,
as we're walking through
we can set up like the
fog machine or whatever.
Either behind the tree,
so it blows over naturally
or we use the fan or something
like that.
Or do you think we could find
one of the shittier-looking
graves that clearly has not
been visited and just...
Put the machine under it
so it's like, you know,
so the fog's like coming out of
the grave?
Do you think that'll, that'll
probably look better right?
- [Ricky] Oh yeah, that'll
definitely look better.
- Yeah, is that ill*gal, can you
do that?
Those people are thick, we'll
find them
ghosties and ghoulies and
then that'll be my salary,
OK, how about that?
I can live at Mom's, I
can live in her basement
which is kind of gross
and dank and dusty and...
But I mean it'll be worth
it, I'll get paid in p*ssy
I guess, when I'm like, when I'm
famous,
when I'm known by chicks.
- [Ricky] And action in five,
four, three, two, one.
- Hey ghost g*ons, we're
here in the Brut Woods
because this is one of the top
five places
that you guys kept
telling us to come visit
because of all the spiritual
happenings,
all the spooky stuff,
the ritualistic drawings
on the stones that people have
seen,
the ghosts that they
were hearing and seeing,
so we decided to come
investigate.
Basically the story
behind this place is that
a family of people in the 1950s
came through here in a
caravan, not caravan,
[laughs] we're in 1950s now.
[mysterious music]
OK, so what is the story here?
So, what horrific things
happened?
They broke down, there was no
food around,
they tried to survive,
eventually the Dad,
who was a carpenter, he went
crazy,
you know he hadn't eaten
for about two weeks,
he snapped, he k*lled
all his family members
and was feasting on them, on
their flesh,
surviving on them for months.
And of course this attracted
other animals
that he was able to k*ll,
he actually survived
for quite awhile and eventually
died from various diseases.
But...
So how does this look, is this a
good?
Is the sun like glaring too
much on me or does it look good?
- [Ricky] Um...
I mean, you look like yourself
so,
I mean, you can't take that--
- [tuts] Yeah, no but
how f*cking, like basic,
OK, you know how we have a
big audience of chicks, right?
- [Ricky] Do we?
- Well, at the very
least are you seeing some
double chin as I look down
to the camera, you as*h*le?
- [Ricky] Nah, the shadow's
got that covered for you.
- OK good.
To this day people can
still hear the sound
of his saw cutting through their
bones,
as his lips smacking [smacks
lips],
as he enjoyed the tasty
treat of, you know,
his innocent daughter and
whatever else.
But we're not here to find
out whether it's true,
it's definitely true,
we're here to goof the ghosts.
[swishing]
[leaves rustling]
[laughs] Was that good?
[ominous weapons]
We've also come prepared
with weapons, now you might be
thinking,
what are weapons gonna do
against ghosts?
They'll go right through them,
in fact,
ghosts will use weapons
on you, that's very true,
we just happen to be in meth
country.
[shuffling]
Just keep going.
So I've got this.
[clacking]
[Ricky laughs]
So I've got this.
[clacking]
- [Ricky] Oh it's, oh I like
that,
that's so advanced.
- Shut up, shut up, just gonna
do it again, we'll cut it out.
- [Ricky] And action.
- So I've got this.
[clacking]
- [Ricky] [laughs] Oh, sorry,
it's just so embarrassing.
- What?
- [Ricky] You've brought the
most pathetic weapon ever.
- No it's not, this is dope.
- [Ricky] This is dope?
- [Chris] Yeah, this is--
- [Ricky] No, this is dope.
You know what that is?
- [Chris] No.
- [Ricky] You know what it is
now?
[buzzing]
- Oh.
[buzzing]
What is that, a charger?
[buzzing]
- [Ricky] Oh, you wanna see?
Here, here you go.
[clattering]
- Woah, woah, woah!
[pants] Dude!
I could have died, I
could have f*cking died.
[buzzing]
- [Ricky] And I've also brought,
this.
- What is that?
- [Ricky] Medicated body powder.
- Huh?
- [Ricky] It fights sweat.
- It fights sweat?
- [Ricky] Dude, it's off-brand
Gold Bond.
- Huh?
- [Ricky] It's like sucking on
a peppermint with your nuts.
- Oh sweet.
- [Ricky] Oh yeah.
[flies buzzing]
Yeah you just pour it in there,
dude it's kind of an incredible
feeling.
- [Chris] You just pour
it, like just pour it?
- [Ricky] Just start pouring it,
man.
- [Chris] OK.
- [Ricky] He's gonna love it.
- [Chris] Oh, oh yeah.
- [Ricky] You feel the tingle?
- [Chris] Oh, kind of.
Oh, sh*t!
[rustling]
- [Ricky] It's, I mean,
that's a side effect
but it's totally worth it.
- [Chris] Ooh, oh [laughs].
Who would want this?
[birds singing]
- [Ricky] Rashomon.
What?
No, no, goddammit.
[sighs]
Yep, [blows], sh*t.
Nature documentarian with
dust on lens [groans].
- [Chris] [laughs] I wanna touch
it.
[distorted buzzing]
[Ricky sighs]
- [Ricky] Dammit, goddammit,
Chris!
- [Chris] Hm, what?
- [Ricky] How many times
do I have to tell you
to cut that sh*t out, turn it
off.
I'm gonna go smack that a*s.
[distorted buzzing]
- [Chris] Oh am I [laughs], am I
still on?
- [Ricky] [sighs] Yeah.
[distorted buzzing]
- [Chris] Dude, sorry bro.
[crow cawing]
[rumbling]
*Du-du-du
- [Ricky] Woah, what is this,
what are we approaching?
- Alright ghost g*ons, here we
are
at the house of the only family
that knows
the truth behind what happened
here at the Brut Woods.
They agreed to speak with us
to divulge the real story.
Or something like that.
Well, let's see what they have
to say.
sh*t, goddammit, barbed wire.
What the f.
- [Ricky] Come on, you can
make it, you made it before,
you can make it again.
[Chris sighs]
[Chris groans]
[Chris groans]
- Oh goddammit!
Gah, dude, does it
really f*cking end right,
ah, ah!
- [Ricky] Oh, I didn't think
you were really gonna go through
with that, how's that feel?
- [Chris] f*ck you.
- [Ricky] Now this, loyal
viewers, is what we talk about,
our job is dangerous.
- [Chris] Ah yeah, it's
f*cking dangerous or whatever.
[Chris sighs]
- [Ricky] But Chris
Lipscomb, he's no p*ssy.
- Edit that out, cut it out.
- [Ricky] You want me to cut out
the part
where I said you weren't a
p*ssy?
- So, ghost g*ons, there's one
thing
we didn't tell you about this
family.
They're the last surviving
descendants
of the original family
that passed through here.
- [Ricky] What?
I thought that carpenter family
was dead.
- Oh no, Benjamin and Mary
Meadows
built this house using
the skills passed down
from the father that k*lled
their...
Ancestors, what do you call it?
Their lineage, you know,
like ate them alive.
[wind blowing]
[birds singing]
- [Chris] OK?
[tuts]
[knocking]
[hums] Looks kind of--
- [Ricky] See anything?
- Uh, is there a doorbell?
- [Ricky] I don't know,
you'd think there would be.
Oh, here we go.
[bell ringing]
Anything?
- [Chris] Um, doesn't look like
it.
- [Ricky] Think they just
fell asleep or something?
They're kind of old right?
- I think so.
Oh, well their dog's here at
least.
- [Ricky] Oh wait, oh let
me get a good shot of that,
people love dogs.
- [Chris] Hey buddy.
- [Ricky] Aw look at that,
he just did a little stretch.
- [Chris] Hey what's up, hey!
- [Ricky] What do you think his
name is?
- [Chris] [laughs] He's scared
of me.
- [Ricky] What do you think his
name is?
- [Chris] I don't know, he
looks...
Let's call him AJ.
- [Ricky] Yeah, AJ Meadows.
He doesn't like being on camera,
this is ridiculous, oh
there he goes, there he is.
Hey AJ, AJ!
He's scared of me too.
[AJ barks]
Dude.
[barking]
[eerie music]
He's not happy.
[barking]
Holy sh*t.
- [Chris] Dude.
[distorted buzzing]
OK,
[clears throat]
weird.
[distorted buzzing]
- [Ricky] AJ!
- [Chris] AJ!
- [Ricky] Hey AJ!
[distorted buzzing]
[knocking]
[Chris sighs]
Anything?
- [Chris] Um...
[electricity humming]
- [Ricky] I don't know I mean
it seems like everything's on.
- That's true.
- [Ricky] What about up
there, do you see anything?
Hello, is there anyone home?
- [laughs nervously] Yeah, this
is weird,
they definitely said they
were gonna be home all day.
- [Ricky] They don't get that
the internet is the new wave.
- [Chris] Yeah, well I guess out
here
that would definitely be true.
- [Ricky] Oh, there we go, I
guess this is the front door.
- [Chris] Oh sh*t, [laughs]
this is clearly a front door.
Turns out they're just
standing right in front
of that door waiting for us
to come right at this time.
[knocking]
- [Ricky] Do you think they
would do that?
- [Chris] I don't know--
- [Ricky] Sometimes people
try to goof us.
- [Chris] I don't understand
older generations, I feel
like that's something
that they would do, you know?
- [Ricky] Well, I don't
know though, but they don't,
do they really like
goofing around that much?
[quiet knocking]
Did people goof around?
Like what did people
do during World w*r II,
did they goof?
[loud knocking]
[winding]
Ah dammit, I just missed
it, there was this
beautiful bird soaring through
the air.
- [Chris] Why do you need that?
- [Ricky] Oh, establishing
shots, bro.
- [Chris] Yeah but what--
- [Ricky] That's what making
television is all about.
Here it is, here I spotted it.
- [Chris] So what?
What are we establishing?
- [Ricky] Oh look at that.
- [Chris] We don't need--
- [Ricky] Look at that bird.
- [Chris] This is an
episode we don't need to--
- [Ricky] Oh it flew away,
- [Chris] Just total filler.
- [Ricky] Psst, then I'm kind of
[bird humming]
panning along, panning along,
[bird humming]
panning along, fast pan!
Yes, has it been an hour
already?
[sighs] Should I just call these
people?
- [Chris] Yeah I guess, just
call them.
- [Ricky] Alright, and I'll film
it
because I am the cameraman,
people always love this,
could be mysterious,
you never know.
[phone buzzing]
[sighs] Chris!
- [Chris] What?
- [Ricky] Why are you
calling me, did you just butt
dial me?
- [Chris] What?
- [Ricky] How do you butt dial
me with an iPhone?
[whispering]
- [Chris] I'm not calling you.
- [Ricky] That doesn't
make sense, oh you're not
calling me?
Hey Chris!
[static hissing]
- [Chris] But it's worth a shot.
[eerie music]
- [Ricky] What?
- [Chris] [pants] Listen, that's
not me.
[sighs] There are many--
[beeping]
- [Ricky] Uh...
[pants] Dude, what?
This is not--
- [Chris] Dude,
you're not even showing
up in my call history.
- [Ricky] Why are you
trying to prank call me?
- I'm not.
- [Ricky] When I'm just
making a phone call and
you're 20 feet away.
- [Chris] I really don't know
[laughs] how it even happened.
- [Ricky] Makes no sense.
- Yeah, it really is
super bizarre.
- [Ricky] I mean, I know
you called me, I saw everything.
It's [sighs], I don't know.
What are you looking at?
- What are you talking about,
what d'you see?
[crackling]
Ricky.
Yeah, you're not in here.
- [Ricky] What?
- You're not in here.
[crackling]
I need you.
- [Ricky] What?
- [laughs] What?
[crackling]
Ricky, save me.
- [Ricky] What the f*ck?
You're a ventriloquist.
Why didn't you tell me?
- What?
[crackling]
- Help me bro.
What are you talking about?
- [Ricky] Dude, stop that,
it's freaking me out.
[breathing]
Stop, stop.
- Help.
[laughs] What are you talking
about?
Is this a bit?
- [Ricky] Stop, stop moving
your mouth, stop, stop.
[crackling]
- [Chris] Ricky,
don't let me die.
- [Ricky] Dude, stop, stop!
[sighs] Dude, what the hell?
[rustling]
What the f*ck?
[ominous music]
Did you just see that?
- What?
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t, we
gotta check this out.
[panting]
Coming?
[laughs] Ah-ha, and ghost
goofed?
- [Chris] What?
- [Ricky] Dude,
you didn't see that guy?
- Uh-uh.
- [Ricky] There was someone
running.
I know where he is, let's see.
- [Chris] There was someone
running?
- [Ricky] Yeah dude,
there was like a young guy
running back this way?
- [Chris] A young guy, do
these guys have grandkids?
- [Ricky] Well, I mean, I
don't know, I mean I just can't
imagine an 85 year old man
running with that kind of vigor.
- [Chris] I guess.
[Ricky sighs]
He ran this way?
- [Ricky] He's not in the pool
is he?
Yeah, he ran back here, I mean,
dude look,
it's so open back here where
else would he have hid?
[sighs] I don't know man, this
is weird.
[Chris laughs nervously]
- [Ricky] [sighs] And now you're
like,
"Oh, I don't believe you,
Ricky, that crazy fool,
"he's just--"
- [Chris] No, I mean.
you might have seen something.
- [Ricky] "imagining things."
- [Chris] I'm not
discounting that, just saying
it's weird you would see him.
- [Ricky] Got a good workout
regardless so
that's never a bad thing.
- Maybe it was just someone
trespassing or whatever
and they freaked out,
they thought we own the place.
For you ghost g*ons at
home, Ricky just shrugged.
It's a visual medium, buddy.
- [Ricky] Ah, thank, thank--
- Yeah where you try
to sort of play it up for the
[Ricky curses]
audience a little bit, hey!
- [Ricky] Woah.
- What?
- [Ricky] Is it just me
or is that window open?
[thudding]
[ominous music]
[Ricky laughs nervously]
Yeah, I told you I saw someone.
[loud screaming]
[phone buzzing]
[winding]
- [Chris] So that was
interesting.
- [Ricky] Oh, it was
definitely interesting.
- Do you wanna tell them what
happened?
- I shall tell our loyal
g*ons what happened,
so you saw that footage because
of course
we cut it into the episode
because it was great,
but what you didn't see
was the actual phone call
with the Meadows where I
discovered, dun-dun-dun,
that they're out of town,
yeah they're vacationing.
I don't know, Bahamas,
Alaska, some, you know,
super hot, super cold place like
that
probably a lot of hot
chicks there, but you know
when people get old they
gotta have some eye candy.
But you see the thing is it
appears that
one of us told them the wrong
date, now
I'm not gonna say it was
me because it wasn't me.
Hint hint.
But I'd say we got some pretty
[distorted buzzing]
bizarre footage back there,
like that was some spooky stuff,
that was some spooky--
- [Chris] It's true,
it's true.
- [Ricky] Spooky ghost
going through the woods.
Creepy.
- [Chris] Also ah, goddammit.
Dude, I'm serious.
- [Ricky] Dude are you--
- [Chris] I've been ear r*ped by
a ghost.
- [Ricky] Oh my God.
[trickling]
- [Chris] f*ck you Ricky.
Pissing on your face.
[trickling]
Wait, is my mic still recording?
No, I don't think so.
[crickets chirping]
- [Ricky] Oh wait, ah, oh this
is good.
[loud zipping]
sh*t, what the f*ck?
- Hey dude, I'm just getting
the bug spray, relax.
- [Ricky] sh*t.
- Just getting some bug spray.
[can hissing]
I'm gonna be chigger free after
this.
- [Ricky] What did you just say?
- Huh?
[can hissing]
* No chiggers for me,
* chiggers and ticks, on my
dicks *
[can hissing]
Oh yeah, dude it actually.
[zipping]
- [Ricky] I've actually got some
of
my own bug spray.
[Chris coughs]
- To be honest it tastes
pretty good [coughs].
[spits] We could also say
that it works for like...
And get that, oh, "Long lasting
protection from mosquitoes,
"ticks biting flies,
gnats, chiggers and...
"and ghosts."
- [Ricky] Hey Chris.
- Dude [laughs], what the f*ck?
- [Ricky] This is revenge for
that little
bug spray--
- [laughs] Dude is that
actually a real g*n?
- [Ricky] Oh, of course it's a
real g*n.
I'm protected against the
homeless.
- Ah, OK I thought,
OK you're not supposed to
actually like
point that at someone.
- [Ricky] And boom.
[Chris sighs]
Come on, bro.
I mean, it's loaded but it's not
c*ck.
- It's f*cking loaded?
[frog croaking]
[crickets chirping]
[eerie music]
- Recording at 12:18
on May 4th, story time.
- So this question comes
from a 33 year old man,
it reads, "Hey Chris and
Ricky, love the show,
"I am in a bit of a
paranormal predicament here,
"let me explain," I like this.
"About a year ago I made
a move on my female friend
"that I had had a crush
on for about 10 years,
"we ended up getting into a
pretty hot and heavy romance
"that was, not to be cliched,
but it was beautiful.
"I really started to fall for
this girl
"and we did everything together.
"Six months ago though,
I was going through
"the pictures on her phone
and sort of found out
"that she had been seeing two
other dudes.
"Yeah, I was f*cking sad and
distraught,
"so I basically cussed her
out and we had a huge fight.
"A week later she was in a
car accident and she died.
[Chris laughs]
"Recently in the middle of
the night, I've been hearing
"someone crying and also
calling out my name, as well as
"the names of who I can only
assume are the other dudes.
"I love her but what should I
do to get rid of her spirit,
"I wanna make her cross over so
that
"she's happy and on the other
side, help?"
[sighs].
- Bro.
- Oh boy.
- It's not good.
- That kind of a ghost, the sad
ghost
that sort of repeats itself each
night,
there's no crossing over.
What you're probably gonna have
to do is
first of all stop having
feelings for her,
[distorted buzzing]
stop, stop all of that,
start sort of cheating on
her emotionally, physically.
[distorted buzzing]
Start cheating--
[distorted buzzing]
- I hate to do this to you but
[static buzzing]
bottom line, one cent,
[static buzzing]
what's he do?
- Alright, ditch the b*tch.
[distorted beeping]
- Ditch the b*tch.
- And go out with
[distorted buzzing]
a different girl [laughs],
and one that's not dead
and one that is not f*cking
crazy.
[distorted buzzing]
And one that won't
cheat on you, in all seriousness
though,
[distorted buzzing]
this kind of thing
happens when just shitty,
I'm sorry, but shitty
[distorted buzzing]
backstabbing
people, you know, die.
[winding]
[static buzzing]
OK, it's 2am.
We're here to find some
spooks, we're on a spook hunt.
- [Ricky] Oh careful, now that
we definitely can't say.
- [Chris] I probably shouldn't
have said that.
- [Ricky] Yeah,
that's inappropriate dude.
[frogs croaking]
[crickets chirping]
- [Chris] So what should
we do if we actually see,
like there's a homeless
dude or something like that?
What should we do if we
actually find someone?
- [Ricky] We k*ll them.
- [laughs] What?
- [Ricky] OK fine, I guess
we'll just cross that bridge
when we get to it.
Now, correct me if I'm
wrong but they say--
- [Chris] Uh-huh.
- [Ricky] They say the
wife of the carpenter,
eaten from the inside out.
Her ghost, the most terrifying
of all.
Ghost queefs echoing through
the night.
- [Chris] MILF ghosts are
f*cking the scariest ones.
Seriously, it's like you
wanna bang them, you can't,
it's never gonna be--
- [Voiceover] Ricky!
- [Ricky] Woah!
- [Chris] What the?
- [Ricky] What the f*ck was
that?
[rumbling]
- [Chris] What d'you, what dude,
what the?
[laughs] There better be
something there you d*ck.
[wind quietly howling]
[frogs croaking]
- [Ricky] sh*t.
That was weird.
[gasps] Ghost [speaks
in foreign language].
[frogs croaking]
[crickets chirping]
- [Ricky] OK [laughs],
actually where is the?
- [Chris] Holy sh*t, dude look.
- [Ricky] What the hell is that?
Dude, was this on the map?
- [Chris] I don't know.
The Meadows didn't tell me
anything about this, no.
Can ghosts build things?
Oh, we could say that they can.
We could say the carpenter
decided
to build a structure to
leave all the bodies.
- [Ricky] Well, I think
it's pretty obvious
what we have to do here.
- We have to investigate.
[crickets chirping]
[frogs croaking]
Holy sh*t.
[static buzzing]
Dude, there's like an entrance
right here
at the ground level.
- [Ricky] What's down there?
Do you see anything?
[distorted buzzing]
Chris, Chris talk to
me, what are you doing?
- [Chris] Oh dude, you're gonna
love this.
[distorted beeping]
- [Ricky] What's down there?
- [Voiceover] Ricky.
[thudding]
- [Ricky] What the hell?
[static buzzing]
[frogs croak louder]
[distorted buzzing]
[crickets chirping]
Chris?
Dude.
You in there?
Hello, Chris?
Goddammit, I can't see anything.
[clicking]
[Ricky sighs]
[clicking]
[beep ringing]
Chris?
[static buzzing]
Chris?
[static quietens]
[sighs] Son of a b*tch.
[static grows louder]
[sighs] sh*t.
Am I going in here?
Am I seriously?
[groans]
[loud static buzzing]
[grunting]
[static buzzing]
[clattering]
[static buzzing quietens]
[rumbling]
[distorted buzzing]
[thudding]
[static cuts out]
[Ricky breathes heavily]
Chris?
[wind blowing]
Chris?
What the f*ck?
[distorted static buzzing]
Chris?
Hey, Chris!
Where the f*ck are you, man?
What, Chris?
[glass breaking]
Ah, sh*t!
[glass crunching]
Note to self,
stop making loud noises
with your f*cking boots.
[flapping]
OK door A,
or door B?
Door A
or door B?
Chris?
[Ricky's voice echoing]
[echoing grows louder]
[Ricky breathes heavily]
OK, let's follow the arrows.
[distorted static buzzing]
This isn't, nothing weird about
this.
[sighs] Chris?
The arrows tell me to go this
way.
I should go this way.
[howling]
Chris?
[flapping]
Chris!
- [Voiceover] Hey dude!
- [Ricky] [gasps] Holy sh*t!
- [laughs] Dude this place is
awesome.
- [Ricky] Where the f*ck have
you been,
man?
- Come on.
- [Ricky] Dude, this is weird.
Wouldn't we have seen this from
outside?
[wind howling]
[flapping]
[Chris muttering]
- [Ricky] What the hell
is it, is that a bat?
[flapping]
[laughs] Chris.
"Aziz light!"
Chris?
- [Chris] Check this out, man.
- [Ricky] What?
- [Chris] Dude.
- [Ricky] What is it?
- [Chris] Look at this.
[Chris laughs]
- [Ricky] It's just a big
f*cking white circle man,
come on put it, yeah, that's
better.
- [Chris] "You won't survive," I
guess.
- [Ricky] Dude, look at that
handwriting,
it's like a bunch of
f*cking ret*rds wrote it,
or you.
[wind howling]
- Oh sh*t.
[Chris laughs]
[clattering]
The wh*re line.
What would you do if I like
punched you in the face with the
camera?
- [Ricky] I don't know,
I'd probably be annoyed.
- [laughs] That'd piss you off?
Like do they, could my
camera even sustain that?
Like, it would probably
[banging]
hurt the camera more, your
hard-a*s head.
Hello?
[glass crunching]
It's for you.
Dude, I gotta say, at first
I was a little spooked
by this place to be
perfectly honest, I mean,
as much as I can be, you know
what I mean?
Because we've been in the game
for awhile.
- [Ricky] Yeah.
- That being said, let's hang
out here for awhile longer
until we're really comfortable
with it,
we know all the little nooks and
crannies
and stuff and then...
- [Ricky] Mhm.
- I just say, do an episode.
- [Ricky] Definitely.
- Yeah,
f*ck the Brut Woods.
- Actually, kind of a
comfortable place to be in.
Just imagine you come in here
and I'm just getting ghost head.
Ah, ah, ah.
- [Ricky] Oh yeah, I mean, oh
yeah,
we just put a big censor bar
over it.
- [Chris] Oh yeah, it'd
just be like except here,
or the censor bar's like
negative space,
it goes this way?
- [Ricky] Oh yeah, oh yeah.
- [Chris] Oh sh*t, dude
how hilarious would it be
if you came in here and I was
just like
f*cking a ghost or anyone?
- [Ricky] Dude, this is kind of
spooky.
Yeah, I'm liking the look of
this.
Oh sh*t dude, dude this
is perfect [laughs].
I'll just get real close and
I'll add
like a little jump scare noise.
[loud thudding]
[Ricky gasps]
- This place is sweet.
Also, I will say that
as cool as this place is,
I need to take a piss really
badly.
So I'm gonna go do that,
you keep looking around,
let me know if there's anything
sweet.
Maybe you can watch my back a
little bit,
I'd just rather not piss my
pants if the time should come.
[static buzzing]
- [Ricky] Alright,
you go take Chris and I'll
just--
- A what?
- [Ricky] A Chris.
- f*ck you, dude, I pee a normal
amount,
in fact I pee a healthy
amount, especially when
we're in an area where
there might be ghosts.
- [Ricky] You--
- No sorry, I just thought
saying the word
"ghosts" would attract ghosts.
I don't really know how this
sh*t works to be honest.
[winding]
[footsteps]
I wonder why all the female fans
just
gravitate towards Ricky all the
time.
No matter what, no matter
how much I try to practice
and like try to be
really fresh, Ricky just,
I don't know what it is about
him.
It's not that Ricky's
naturally more attractive
or more confident than
me, it's not that at all,
it's just I don't know, I don't
know.
It's because he doesn't
want it or girls think that,
but he does, he wants it so
badly, and so
I've told so many girls
that, like they're trying to
choose between me and
him which I f*cking hate,
it shouldn't be a choice,
why can't we just both like,
I don't mind getting the
sloppy seconds that's,
OK yeah, we have a ghost show
and we try to goof the ghosts
but on some level I really want
to have
a deep spiritual connection with
somebody
and all that Ricky wants to
do is just f*ck, you know?
[crackling]
And I don't know, I mean,
I want to too, I'd love to
f*ck, that would be amazing,
that would be so great, but...
Anyway.
- [Ricky] Goddammit.
- [Chris] I'm still sure that if
my d*ck's
not at least bigger than
his, it's at least...
At least the same size if
not slightly less, you know?
I mean, I'm funny,right?
Something where I'm like
in the mud, you know?
Show myself doing something
really strong,
like we can do this little goof
where
a tree falls down like,
"Oh that was spooky."
I'm gonna pick it up and see
if there's any kind of clues,
so then I have to take off
my shirt because it's like,
[static buzzing]
"Oh it's hot here," you know?
I don't know, just something, I
feel like
I need to change up the formula
because,
again, they are lining
up in front of Ricky
and like that's great, you
know I feel happy for you man,
that's awesome, whatever,
it's mostly fine,
I'm probably over thinking
it, you know what?
[door shuffling]
You know, that's what it is.
I'm 24 years old, I have plenty
of time to have my first--
[loud shattering]
[rumbling]
Ricky?
[crackling]
Ricky?
- [Ricky] Chris?
[loud shattering]
- [Chris] Ricky!
[Chris pants]
[Ricky breathes heavily]
[banging]
- [Ricky] Hello?
[Chris pants]
[wind howling]
[creaking]
[thudding]
[Chris pants]
[clattering]
[Chris breathes heavily]
[distant yelling]
[glass shattering]
[distant yelling]
[Chris pants]
- [Ricky] Chris?
[Chris pants]
[anxious music]
[swishing]
- [Chris] Ricky!
[anxious music building]
[distorted thudding]
[shuffling]
[howling]
[thudding]
[intermittent buzzing]
[Chris breathing]
[Ricky breathing]
- [Ricky] Chris?
[static buzzing]
[Ricky sighs]
[buzzing]
[clattering]
[Chris breathes heavily]
[whooshing]
Chris?
[shrieking]
Chris?
[static buzzing]
[whirring]
[loud siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
[loud siren blaring]
[menacing laughter]
What the f*ck?
[loud siren blaring]
[creaking]
Oh...
Chris?
[loud siren blaring]
[buzzing]
Chris?
Dude, the f*ck's going on?
- [Chris] Dude, come check this
out,
[mumbles] my footage.
[warping]
[expl*si*n blasts]
- [Ricky] Woah, Chris?
[siren halts]
[fizzing]
[Ricky breathes heavily]
[ominous music]
What the f*ck?
[high pitched buzzing]
Dude?
Woah.
[high pitched buzzing]
What the f*ck is this?
[whispering]
[thudding]
[static buzzing]
[Chris laughs]
[Ricky breathes heavily]
Total mind f*ck, right?
[static buzzing]
f*ck, what the f*ck is this?
- Let me help you with that.
[warping]
[thudding]
[distorted buzzing]
[thudding]
[Ricky breathes heavily]
What?
Oh Chris, Chris
what the f*ck?
[birds singing]
[Ricky grunts]
Oh man.
- Are we dead?
- [Ricky] [sighs] Ah, shut up
dude.
[winding]
- What would you even call that?
What is it like a silo,
like some kind of a silo?
- [Ricky] Yeah, it's like a
silo,
asylum.
- OK, OK, so you're gonna be
there.
- [Ricky] Yeah.
- [Chris] And you're gonna
look over from there?
Alright.
- [Ricky] Take, like, two steps
back.
- Oh, like go back even further?
- [Ricky] Yeah, and
action.
- No, no, no, that was
too like, "Ah whatever,"
like too casual, you know what I
mean?
- [Ricky] Alright, do it more
intense
but talk to the camera.
- Oh, like talk--
- [Ricky] People get
bored when you don't talk.
- [Chris] Don't ignore the
audience,
right.
- [Ricky] Yeah.
And...
- [Chris] OK.
- [Ricky] Action.
- Now that it's daytime,
we're gonna explore the tower
once again to see what
other secrets we can find,
to see what other spooks happen.
- [Ricky] And cut, now we
come up for the close-up.
- [Chris] Yeah, get a close-up.
- [Ricky] Alright, hold on, let
me adjust
some settings here.
- [Chris] OK.
- [Ricky] Uh...
[clicking]
Yeah, that's a little, that's
pretty good right there.
- [Chris] OK.
- [Ricky] Let's see, I wanna
make sure your face--
- What about my face?
Yeah, just so when you're
going back and forth and stuff?
- [Ricky] I wanna make sure
it's not getting blown out.
- Yeah.
Alright.
- [Ricky] Alright.
- You ready to go back inside?
- [Ricky] Oh, I'm gonna
follow you in from--
- [Chris] Actually, that
was shitty, that was shitty,
that was shitty, go back.
- [Ricky] Alright, oh,
that was definitely shitty
- [Chris] [clears throat]
Alright.
I'm just kind of excited, you
know?
So I'm looking at you and I'm
like,
"We're gonna do it,
we're gonna be so famous,
"and we're gonna be taken into
the stalls by hot chicks."
[clears throat].
- [Ricky] Three, two.
- [Chris] Let's go back inside.
What the f*ck?
- [Ricky] What, what is it?
What?
[ominous music]
What the hell is that?
[Chris laughs]
- This is definitely good for
the episode.
- [Ricky] sh*t man, what do we
do now?
Do we just, think we
just k*ll time until...
Until night?
- [Chris] I dunno.
- [Ricky] How does it work?
- [Chris] Woah!
[laughs].
- [Ricky] Oh dude.
- [Chris] Geez.
- [Ricky] Dude, imagine--
- [Chris] It's like a spike!
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t [laughs].
- [Chris] Geez, that could have
been bad.
- [Ricky] Oh, that's incredible.
- I didn't come here to lose an
eye!
Unless I do wanna lose an eye,
because then throughout this
adventure I have an eye patch.
- [Ricky] Oh, oh, maybe
it works like the sun.
- [Chris] Oh.
What do you mean?
- [Ricky] Like, you know,
it rises during the day,
the, I mean, I'm talking
about the water of course.
Rises during the day.
- [Chris] Uh-huh.
- [Ricky] Falls in the night.
- Huh, that's beautiful.
It rises in the day and falls at
night.
Or, or I get transplanted
with Jessica Alba's eye
and now I can see ghosts.
Although sh*t, I wouldn't want
that.
It would be kind of dope
if I like lost my eye
and then we throw an IndieGoGo,
you know?
We're just like, "Help me get a
new eye."
But we don't get that much
money from it, so you know what?
We're just gonna have
to use a cadaver eye.
That's our back story, right?
Is any of that making any sense?
- [Ricky] Are you high?
- [Chris] sh*t, I don't know.
[laughs] That would kind of
explain it.
Like, I don't know, like for me
we just, I don't, f*ck, f*ck it.
- [Ricky] We'll chalk that
one up to drugs folks.
[static buzzing]
Rashomon.
[static buzzing]
- [Chris] What?
[static buzzing]
- [Ricky] sh*t, switch over
to B.
- [Chris] What, why?
[distorted beeping]
- [Ricky] Just do it dude.
- [Chris] How do I, I don't
even know how to do it.
[distorted voices]
- [Ricky] B.
Dude, I know I told you
to how to do it, man!
[distorted buzzing]
[rumbling]
- Yo, yo.
- [Ricky] Shh, shh, shh!
shh, shh, shh.
- [Chris] What?
[birds singing]
- [Ricky] Dude.
- Huh?
- [Ricky] I just saw your d*ck.
- What?
- [Ricky] f*ck dude, come on,
get back!
Did he hear us, did he see us?
Oh sh*t.
- [laughs] I wanna touch it.
- [Ricky] Touch it?
Dude, oh gross dude, no
you can't f*cking touch-
- No I'm, ah, that's not what I
meant.
- [Ricky] Oh what, what
the f*ck are you doing?
Wait, stop!
Don't do it, what the f*ck?
[wind rushing]
[thudding]
Good, he still he hasn't seen
us.
[rustling]
Oh sh*t!
[Chris laughs].
Dude.
I thought it'd be bigger.
- What?
[winding]
[buzzing]
Oh yes, oh yeah I love the arc--
[buzzing]
Oh, ooh!
[laughter]
- [Ricky] Dude, why don't they
have trash cans in the woods?
- [Chris] I know you would think
with man's infinite craft.
- [Ricky] It's stupid man.
Do we live in a civilized
society?
- [Chris] Dude are you taller
than me?
- [Ricky] Yeah.
People watch us because--
- [Chris] Because there's a plot
to what we do.
- [Ricky] It's not because
we're just talking to the
camera about stupid stuff
that has no importance.
- [Chris] No, and if it is,
it's like we're talking about
something awesome.
- [Ricky] Like say, if we were
talking about like how
springy this mud is?
Like it's super springy, oh,
actually,
I wonder if I could do one of
my documentaries on the mud.
Has there ever been a
mud-umentary.
- [Chris] How do we even
think that this would
be interesting?
- [Ricky] I don't know.
[laughs] Should I run
that by Discovery Channel?
Woah, woah, it's quick mud!
Quick mud [laughs], dude.
- [Chris] Oh it really is.
[laughs] How did you get out of
that?
- [Ricky] The hell's going on?
- [Chris] Dude we both
have such a p*ssy little walk.
- [Ricky] Woah!
- [Chris] Huh?
- [Ricky] I think I recognize
that a*s.
- What?
- I think I've seen that a*s
before.
- OK yeah, you probably
have seen that a*s before,
but why are you saying it like
that?
- I think I've seen that a*s
dude.
[wind rushing]
[tape winding]
[crackling]
[static buzzing]
Stop, stop.
[crackling]
- [Chris] Ricky,
don't let me die.
- [Ricky] Dude, stop, stop!
Dude, what the hell?
[rustling]
[static buzzing]
[wind howling]
[static buzzing]
[wind howling]
[static buzzing]
What the f*ck?
Did you just see that?
- What?
- I'm gonna go smack that a*s.
[winding]
Deja vu.
Oh, dude, check it out.
- [Chris] f*ck you.
- [Ricky] Ah, it was worth a
shot.
- [Chris] Dude, come on.
[panting]
[loud screaming]
[phone buzzing]
[phone beeping]
- [Ricky] sh*t.
[frantic music]
Oh, that scared me there, f*ck.
sh*t, is anyone even there?
Should we make a run for it?
- [Chris] Do you see anybody?
- [Ricky] I don't know, coast
looks clear.
sh*t.
[gravel crunching]
f*ck, that was loud.
That was a bad idea.
Do you see anything?
- [Chris] Nothing.
- [Ricky] I don't see anything
either.
f*ck, let's go round the side.
- [Chris] Dude, when's the
last time we did any running?
- [Ricky] We gotta get
health insurance, man.
[panting]
- [Chris] Does that help?
- [Ricky] That pays for
like, gym memberships right?
- [Chris] sh*t, I hope so.
That would make sense, better be
included.
- [Ricky] Ah dude, check
that window, check the door.
I got nothing.
- [Chris] Try to zoom over
the side of the fence.
- [Ricky] Right, right, right.
Watch my back.
- [Chris] Are we good?
- [Ricky] Nothing.
[gravel crunching]
[sighs] I need those carbs dude.
Alright, alright.
[panting]
You good, are we clear?
Alright.
[panting]
[static buzzing]
- [Chris] Dude you're not even
showing up in my call--
- [Ricky] Oh f*ck!
[static buzzing]
Why are you even trying
to prank call me?
- [Chris] I'm not.
- [Ricky] Do you see that?
[static buzzing]
- [Chris] I really don't
know how that even happened.
- [Ricky] Makes no sense.
- [Chris] Yeah, it really is
super bizarre.
- [Ricky] I mean, I know
you called me, I saw everything.
- [Chris] What are you
talking about, what d'you see?
- [Ricky] Dude, what the f?
- [Chris] Ricky.
Yeah you're not in here.
- [Ricky] You m*therf*cker!
What the f*ck?
- [Chris] You're not in here.
I need you.
Ricky, save me.
- [Ricky] You f*cking f*ck!
- [Chris] We need each other.
- [Ricky] I was literally
creeped out by that man.
- [Chris] Bro.
Help.
[distant muttering]
- [Ricky] Well, at least
there's f*cking leaves
covering your face you prick.
Stop, stop moving your mouth,
stop, stop.
- [Chris] Ricky,
don't let me die.
- [Ricky] Dude, stop, stop!
[rustling]
Dude what the hell?
[thudding]
Oh f*ck, they see you!
[panting]
Coming?
[panting]
[door creaking]
Oh sh*t.
Lock the door.
[heavy breathing]
I don't see them.
Alright.
Do you hear anything?
[distant laughter]
Alright, let's go.
Let's go this way.
[muttering]
You didn't see that guy?
[thudding]
There was someone running.
Upstairs!
[panting]
[stairs creaking]
[electricity humming]
Hear anything?
- [Chris] No.
- [Ricky] Alright.
[heavy breathing]
Chris, Ricky?
You in here?
[thudding]
[static buzzing]
[Ricky pants]
Dude, what's that?
[Chris laughs]
[window creaking]
Oh, let me see.
[muttering]
- [Chris] Maybe it was
someone trespassing.
- [Ricky] Got a good workout
man.
cardio.
- [Chris] They thought they
were gonna get caught or
something.
[muttering]
So for those of you watching
at home, he just shrugged.
[muttering]
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t!
[window bangs]
[clunking]
[door creaking]
[panting]
Dude [laughs], you p*ssy.
[birds singing]
[Ricky clears throat]
[fly buzzing]
[Ricky clears throat]
[Ricky sniffs and clears throat]
[fly buzzing]
[Ricky blows]
[fly buzzing]
b*stard.
[fly buzzing away]
And now, it's time for the next
question.
This one comes from a 32 year
old man from across the ocean.
"Hey guys, I'm a long-time goon
"writing to you from England.
"Last week I started
seeing this girl who is
"easily the hottest I've even
been with.
"She cleans, she's
funny, she's considerate,
"and she makes me feel things
I've never felt before,
"if you know what I mean?"
"Sounds amazing right, right?
"Wrong, yesterday I found out
that
"she's dead, I can't
remember what made me do this
"but I Googled her name
and I found that she was
"stabbed in downtown
London two years ago."
Brutal, "I haven't told her I
know yet,
"should I continue seeing
her or should I get a life?
"Thanks and keep in mind that
"she's really, really,
really, really hot."
Woah.
- [Chris] Ah!
[thudding]
- [Ricky] What's happening?
[distant muttering]
[ominous music]
[shuffling]
[distant muttering]
[gasping]
- Wait...
That never happened.
[distant laughter]
[winding]
A tree falls down like,
"Oh that was spooky."
I'm gonna pick it up and see
if there's any kind of clues,
so then I have to take off
my shirt because it's like,
[static buzzing]
"Oh it's hot here," you know?
I don't know, just something, I
feel like
I need to change up the formula
because,
again, they are lining
up in front of Ricky
and like that's great, you
know I feel happy for you man,
that's awesome, whatever,
it's mostly fine,
I'm probably over thinking
it, you know what?
[door shuffling]
You know, that's what it is.
I'm 24 years old, I have plenty
of time to have my first--
[loud shattering]
[rumbling]
Ricky?
[laughter]
Ricky?
- [Ricky] Oh, holy sh*t.
- [Chris] Ricky!
[laughter]
- [Ricky] Du-du-du.
[cracking]
[Ricky laughs]
- [Chris] Oh f*ck.
[panting]
That actually f*cking hurt.
- [Ricky] No sh*t.
- [Chris] Dude, dude,
dude, watch, watch, watch!
[cracking]
[Chris laughs]
- [Ricky] Dude, we can
do better than that.
[wind rushing]
We can do a lot better.
[tense electronic music]
- [Chris] Three,
two,
three, two, one.
[glass shattering]
[yelling]
What the f*ck was that?
[glass breaking]
[banging]
[clattering]
[glass shattering]
[glass shattering]
Oh sh*t!
Ricky, no!
Oh, dude, dude, dude.
[menacing electronic music]
[thudding]
[screaming]
Ricky!
[laughs]
[glass shattering]
Ah, f*ck!
[laughs] The most frightening
sound.
- [Ricky] You are the
biggest p*ssy on the planet.
[glass shattering]
[clanging]
[screaming]
[clattering]
[banging]
* Oh, oh, oh.
* It's a great thing.
[Chris roars]
[screaming]
[Chris laughs]
[glass shattering]
[glass breaking]
[glass shattering]
[laughter]
[warping]
[expl*si*n blasts]
- Alright dude, watch this.
[static buzzing]
[high pitched buzzing]
- Chris, dude, what the f*ck
[static buzzing]
just happened man?
Total mind f*ck, right?
What?
Ri, ri, what?
[static buzzing]
Oh!
[Chris laughs]
What the?
[static buzzing]
What the f*ck?
What, what the f*ck?
[Chris laughs]
- [Ricky] Dude.
- [Chris] Oh my God.
- [Ricky] Dude, you are a
crazy f*ck
- I know dude, oh my God,
that was awesome.
- [Ricky] Also f*ck you
for punching me in the face.
- Oh come on, that wasn't
actually you.
- [Ricky] It used to be me, that
was me.
- [Chris] It doesn't count.
- [Ricky] I mean,
continuity's so f*cked now.
- [Chris] No,
that doesn't count.
- [Ricky] So who knows
what's what, who's who?
I don't even know.
- [Chris] Oh!
you know what we should do?
Dude we should totally just go
and--
[thundering]
[Chris gasps]
[rumbling]
Oh sh*t.
[crickets chirping]
[panting]
[clicking]
[beep ringing]
Ricky?
Hello?
Where am I?
[whimpers]
[pants]
Ricky?
[thundering]
[rumbling]
[sobs] Mommy!
[roaring]
Stop, stop it!
[shrieking and static buzzing]
Stop!
[growling]
Who is that, who is that?
[sobs] Who is that?
[snarling]
[Chris cries]
[shrieking]
[Chris screams]
[Chris screams]
[distant screaming]
[Chris laughs]
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t.
[clicking]
[beep ringing]
[Chris laughs]
- [Chris] Dude [claps].
- [Ricky] You're a sadistic
f*ck.
- [Chris] Did you see the zombie
walk?
- [Ricky] You're a
f*cking maniac and a p*ssy
at the same time.
- [Chris] He totally
pissed himself.
- [Ricky] It's incredible.
Oh [laughs], without a doubt,
dude.
- [laughs] Dude, I f*cking hate
zombies,
that was [wheezes]...
- [Ricky] [laughs] Ah.
- Dude I wish--
- [Ricky] The ultimate irony.
- [laughs] I know, dude I wish
we
had come out at the cemetery.
- [Ricky] Oh f*ck.
- [Chris] It'd be like an
out of The Living Dead thing.
[laughs] How'd that look, dude?
- [Ricky] Oh dude it was, oh,
check it out, check it out,
check it out.
- [Chris] OK sweet.
[tape rewinding]
[static buzzing]
[crickets chirping]
[Chris gasps]
Stop, stop, stop!
Who is that, who is that?
[sobs] Who is that?
[Chris cries]
[muttering]
[Chris screams]
[Chris laughs]
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t.
- Oh definitely needs
new pants.
[laughs]
What a p*ssy, dude, have
I always run like that?
- [Ricky] Yes.
- [laughs] 'Cause my run, my
sprint was
legit just now I just thought of
that.
[laughs] Oh my God, dude.
Oh my God, I'm a p*ssy!
[cackles] Oh sh*t.
I'm a loser and a p*ssy
[laughs].
Oh f*ck, oh that's funny
[laughs].
[winding]
[birds singing]
Alright dude, set this down
where you can
see both of us clearly but stay
here too
so you can get the watch eye,
and don't stop recording.
[clacking]
Don't stop recording.
This is gonna be sweet.
[winding]
[birds singing]
[static buzzing]
[muffled wind blowing]
[static buzzing]
[footsteps]
[high pitched ringing]
[static buzzing]
[thudding]
[muffled groaning]
[static buzzing]
[gasping]
[static buzzing]
[gasping]
[static buzzing]
[slashing]
[choking]
[gasping]
[static buzzing]
I've always wanted to do that.
[static buzzing]
[muffled wind rushing]
[knife thudding]
[zipping]
[muffled wind blowing]
[static buzzing]
[shuffling]
[g*n clicks]
[g*n fires]
[Chris groans]
[g*n fires]
[static buzzing]
[static buzzing]
- [Ricky] Chris!
Chris, sh*t, Chris?
[slapping]
Chris!
Wake up, wake up!
Oh sh*t, sh*t.
sh*t [groans].
Dude, come on, come on, stay
with me man, stay with me.
[pants]
What the f*ck?
[static buzzing]
Dude,
[slapping]
come on, come on!
[birds singing]
[footsteps fading into distance]
[static buzzing]
[tape rewinding]
[thudding]
[birds singing]
[static buzzing]
[muffled wind blowing]
[static buzzing]
[footsteps]
[high pitched ringing]
[static buzzing]
[thudding]
[muffled groaning]
[static buzzing]
[gasping]
[static buzzing]
[gasping]
[static buzzing]
[slashing]
[choking]
[gasping]
[static buzzing]
[footsteps]
[static buzzing]
[muffled g*n shot]
[zipping]
[g*n fires]
[muffled wind blowing]
[static buzzing]
[g*n fires]
- [gasps]
Don't sh**t.
- [Ricky] [laughs] Shut up dude.
[winding]
[wind blowing]
[birds singing]
- [sighs]
[sighs] Wanna do another ghost
question?
- [Ricky] [huffs] Might as well.
- [sighs]
[tuts]
"Dearest goofers,
"let me start by saying I'm 25
years old
"and I sort of live
alone in New York city.
"I used to live with my mom
but she died when I was 22.
"Now I, probably more so
than the average young adult,
"love my mom," [laughs].
"Really, with all my heart,
I just want her to be proud.
"Why do I say this in the
present tense?
"Because her ghost hasn't
left me since she died.
"My mom and I listen to
old records together,
"we slow dance, she sits
at the table with me
"as I eat dinner."
- [Ricky] "Slow dance."
- "And we even go to the movies,
"that is until I met a girl who
lives
"a couple of blocks over,
we're really hitting it off.
"We both love Woody Allen
movies, we both love tennis,
"and on our first date we
watched the sunrise on a
rooftop.
"Everything was perfect until
I brought her home one night
"and my mom was nowhere to be
found
"until I decided to kiss my new
girlfriend
"and my mom threw a vase
at her and barely missed.
"Now I'm afraid to even see her
again,
"is my mom going to k*ll her,
seriously hurt my new crush?
"I don't know what I'd
do if she got scared off
"just because I love my mom and
would
"never get mad at her, what
should I do?"
[laughs]
f*ck this, let's go home.
[shuffling]
[leaves crunching]
Ah, ah f*ck!
Goddammit.
[birds singing]
[crickets chirping]
[tapping]
[crickets chirping]
- [Ricky] What do you
think about this technique?
I was thinking like...
- [Chris] Uh-huh.
- [Ricky] Because you know me
having to
walk backwards all the time?
- [Chris] Yeah.
- [Ricky] It sucks.
- [Chris] Well, yeah.
- [Ricky] It's just not fun.
But like--
- [Chris] Yeah I would imagine
that that's not fun.
- [Ricky] But like by going
around like this, like
kind of in a circle.
- [Chris] Ah OK.
In a circle, almost like
I'm having a realization.
- [Ricky] Oh yeah, it's a
total--
- Or there's just some kind of
meaningful moment happening here
now.
- [Ricky] Well yeah, I mean
there's a lot
of meaningful moments.
- Yeah.
- [Ricky] You just, you
never wanna miss out on them.
- Yeah.
Ricky [laughs].
[static buzzing]
Come stay with me.
- [Ricky] Holy f*ck.
[menacing laughter]
- What?
[shriek of laughter]
[anxious music]
[heavy breathing]
Chris, no!
[g*n fires]
Run!
[panting]
[g*n fires]
[static buzzing]
Holy sh*t!
[static buzzing]
f*ck, that's your car!
- [Chris] Hey, hey!
[static buzzing]
[engine rumbling]
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t dude.
[static buzzing]
Chris!
[static buzzing]
[panting]
[static buzzing]
[menacing laughter]
[static buzzing]
[distorted static buzzing]
[static buzzing]
[menacing laughter]
[static buzzing]
[static buzzing]
[menacing laughter]
[static buzzing]
[static buzzing]
Oh sh*t!
Goddammit, you f*cking piece of
sh*t!
[winding]
[static buzzing]
[static buzzing]
[crickets chirping]
[static buzzing]
[panting]
- [Chris] What the f*ck?
I can't f*cking see!
- [Ricky] Shh, shh.
- [Chris] What the f*ck?
I can't f*cking see!
- [Ricky] f*ck, f*ck.
- [Chris] Stay back!
[clicking, beep ringing]
- [Ricky] [sobs] Oh please,
please.
- [Chris] Get off of me, ah!
[panting]
Oh sh*t, sh*t!
[panting]
[screaming]
[g*n fires]
[yelping]
[g*n fires]
[g*n fires]
[pained yelling]
[g*n fires]
[panting]
[static buzzing]
- [Ricky] Ah, sh*t.
[distant dog barking]
[frogs croaking]
sh*t.
[g*n fires]
Dude, go, go, go!
I'll watch your back.
[static buzzing]
[static buzzing]
Go, go, go, go!
[menacing laughter]
Ricky, Ricky!
[growling]
[g*n fires]
Ah, Jesus!
[distorted static buzzing]
[Chris laughs menacingly]
Ah, f*ck no.
[panting]
[static buzzing]
[panting]
[static buzzing]
Oh f*ck!
[static buzzing]
Stay back m*therf*cker.
[g*n clicking]
Oh f*ck.
[panting]
[Ricky grunts]
[Chris groans]
[distorted static buzzing]
That's right b*tch.
[panting]
[distorted static buzzing]
Chris, Chris?
[glass shattering]
- [Chris] Dude,
we gotta get the f*ck
out of here, come on.
[panting]
[distorted static buzzing]
- [Ricky] Oh f*ck.
[glass breaking]
[static buzzing]
[distorted cacophony]
[distant yelling]
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
- [Chris] Ricky, behind you!
[g*n fires]
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
[g*n fires]
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
[metal clanging]
f*ck!
Come on.
[siren blaring]
[glass crunching]
[distorted cacophony]
[siren blaring]
Oh f*ck!
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
[high pitched buzzing]
sh*t!
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
Alright man, oh f*ck.
[banging]
[pants] Dude we gotta
get the f*ck out of here.
[zipping]
Here, take this.
[menacing laughter]
- [Chris] Ricky!
- [Ricky] Oh sh*t!
[shriek of laughter]
[g*n fires]
What the f*ck?
Get the camera.
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
[fizzing]
You ready for this?
- [Chris] Yeah.
- [Ricky] Alright,
OK.
- Let's go back to the very
beginning.
As far as possible.
[siren blaring]
[static buzzing]
[high pitched buzzing]
- [Ricky] Alright, three,
[warping]
two, one.
[siren reverberates to a halt]
[distorted static buzzing]
[crackling]
[thudding]
[tape winding]
[intermittent buzzing]
[static buzzing reverberates]
[thundering]
[birds singing]
Chris?
[eerie music]
Chris?
[anxious pounding music]
Yo, Chris!
Oh.
sh*t man, I almost thought
you weren't gonna make it.
[loud screaming]
[phone buzzing]
f*ck!
[loud screaming]
[phone buzzing]
[static hissing]
[loud screaming]
[eerie electronic music]
[static buzzing]
[distorted static buzzing]
[crickets chirping]
[rustling]
[fly buzzing]
Ah, ah, f*ck!
f*cking, goddammit fly, f*ck,
ah!
[fly buzzing]
No!
[fly buzzing]
[crickets chirping]
[rustling]
[fly buzzing]
No, not a--
[fly buzzing]
Ugh, get the f*ck off me.
- [Chris] Ricky.
[distorted static buzzing]
[yelling]
[thundering]
[panting]
Now we're even.
- [Ricky] [sighs] That had
to be the last one, right?
- I f*cking hope so [laughs]
[sighs].
[static buzzing]
[ominous electronic music]
[static buzzing]
[distorted static buzzing]
[beeping]
[static buzzing]
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RWD (2015)
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