01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

I like to focus on

the crease of my eye here.

CAR HORN BLARES

Get out the way!

Hey. Oh, my God.

What happened to your face? Nothing.

Seriously, though, like.

I'm not Shirley Bassey.

I don't need a feather boa.

It's just a birthday badge.

It cost me 3.99. Thanks. You want

the money for it, or someth

No, I just want you to enjoy your

birthday. What's wrong with that?

Why should I celebrate that

we're rotting in this sh*thole,

crawling towards death?

Jesus, Lyd, that's bleak!

Wow. What actually is this hair,

though? You look like Saruma

No, I think it's really nice.

It's not. I mean, the cheeks.

Like full drag queen.

So what? I've got make-up on.

Why do you care so much. Whatever.

Seriously, I don't want to do

anything tonight. Seriously.

Well, well, well.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Sup?

All right, Miss? All right?

Well, move it, then. My office, now.

Pronto.

Come on!

See you later, then. Let's go,

chop chop, suey-suey.

Suey-suey!

Ask the mortician for a makeover,

did you? What? font

Handed to every

student on their first day.

So don't play the "I ain't never

seen that before, ref" card with me.

OK, section 15. No

defacing of the uniform. Section 19.

Female pupils are permitted

to wear minimal make-up deemed

acceptable by their teachers.

Well, guess what? What?

I don't deem.

Miss, seriously,

everyone wears make-up.

What are you picking on me for?

Because you ran out of my detention.

Oh, no. You see, I got the hump.

Here's a little question for you.

Do you want to end up in prison? Hm?

No, because the forecast

is black ice,

and you are on a slippery slope

in skis.

That's actually quite a good one,

and I will be using that again.

Not on you, obvs.

Get out.

Get a wet wipe on those chops.

Oh, hey, babe.

I've been looking for you. Hiya.

Oh, my God. I love your hair.

Oh, no, I'll just tie it up.

No, you can't. Seriously, don't.

Yes. I love all this.

Are you coming to English?

Yeah.

Look, guys! The girl from The Ring

just walked in.

Oh, my God, Beth.

Your hair's hanging.

Sorry, babe. I said me

and Beth would sit together today.

But I've already unpacked my bag.

I can help you move your stuff.

It's OK.

I'll be back.

Oh, my God. Blocker just

tore me a new arsehole.

She slammed the handbook

on the table right in front of me,

Poppy. Oh, hey, babe. Hey, babe.

Just so you know, I was chatting

to some of the boys earlier,

and they were saying some

stuff about you. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, that you gave

Princey Smith a toothy blowjob.

Well, that's not true, so

Yeah, well, that's what

everyone is saying, so As if.

Pop gives a stunning blowjob,

don't you, babe?

You wish you knew, Jamie.

Yeah, to be fair, I do, actually.

Jamie Dalton. What have I said

about rubbing your bum on desks?

Seat, please. What was that?

Right, exam eve is upon us.n

Like Christmas Eve, only not fun.

I've got a really good

feeling about this one, Miss? Yeah?/

Going to actually read the book this

time, is it, Priest?

What book is it again?

Fantastic. Jane Eyre! Twasack.

Right. It's 11am sharp.

Latecomers won't be allowed in.

And lest we forget, it contributes

to your overall GCSE grades,

so, you know, pull your fingers out.

Do you want to revise together

tonight? I could come to yours.

BETH!

WHERE'S MY KEYS?

I can't because we're having

a conservatory built, sorry.

You could come to mine.

My mum would cook.

Yeah, OK. Yeah, sounds good.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE: I'd better shave

my legs.

I'm expecting big things from you

tomorrow. I aim to impress

I have no idea what

Hey, fanny licker. Just ignore him.

Fanny licker!

Bethan! What, Priest? Let me see

font color="♪00ff00

What? Come on.

Do you want to not touch her!

Touchy!

Hey.

Be honest, now, Beth. Have you got

a cl*t b*ner for Popsicle? font color="♪00ffff"

Get your hand off her,

you ugly dumb f*ck.

BOYS: Oooh!

What did you say? Did I stutter?

Say that again.

Or what? And I'll rip your t*ts off,

all right? font

Oh, yeah? Come on, let's just go.

Yeah, walk away. f

Yeah, keep walking.

Yeah, you ugly dumb f*ck!

Come here, you carpet munchers!

Come here, you d*kes!

I'm coming for you!

Oh, my gosh!

Feel my heart.

My God! I know, it's like,

boom-boom, boom-boom, boom-boom..

Oh, my gosh.

Thanks for defending my honour.

Got to protect my gal, you know.

Not having him

talk to you like that.

What, do you, like,

love me or something? Mm.

Beth?

Are you all right?

Oh, my God, run.

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run!

As if I wouldn't see you, you're not

even hid! Yeah, run, little piggies!

Heya. See? She's home.

I told you she wouldn't be long.

I had a free period, so I came back.

So they let you out, then, Mam?

Yeah. What did they say?

They just rung and said

I got to come and get her.

So what happened to saying

she's a danger to herself?

She's just suddenly better now,

is she? Her meds have kicked

It just seems a bit soon.

Said they're pleased

with me, Beth. Right.

Pick a colour off there.

I'm going to paint your room,

whatever colour you want?

Where's the money coming from?

Do you want it done or not?

You OK?

Yeah.

My legs are hairy too.

But they don't let you have

razors in there. Why?

Why do you think? Oh. Oh, yeah.

Come on, then.

Come on. I'll do your legs.

Sit down.

Oh, gosh. They're pretty bad.

Cheeky madam!

Thank you.

It's OK.

Mam? These are like babies' arms.

When did you last do these?

I don't know.

You should be back at school now.

Thank you. It's OK.

I love you.

See you later.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Where have you been? sh1tting out

a brick? A breeze block, ac

Seriously, are your guts all right?

Yeah, Trav, yeah.

My IBS is playing up.

Excuse me.

You. Follow me now.

Sit.

Er, yeah, miss, I was

Not very well. No, no, no, no, no./

Know what that is?

That's a truth time. OK.

Woman to woman, all right?

What is going on here?

We're in a storage cupboard.

All right, silly bugger, I know.

What I mean is, what's going on with

you? Because something ain't right.

Nothing, I'm fine. All right, liar.

Don't get me wrong, you've always

been a bit of a gobshite.

But these antics of late, you know,

doing your face up like a hound's

bowl of chopped liver.

It's not you.

You know, I do see

a lot of myself in you.

So I'm going to tell you something

you probably don't know about me.

OK.

I am a l*sbian.

No, I I knew that.

Really? Yeah. Oh.

But what I'm trying to say is,

if you are struggling with your

sexuality, it'll fall into place.

See, the heart wants what it wants,

Bethan. Cool? Yeah, but..

I'm not a l*sbian.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not.

It's just like

all the kids are, like,

chucking loads of fish at you,

calling you a fanny licker.

I mean, I'm no Einstein. Been there,

done that, got the T-shirt.

Cool, but, yeah, can we just not do

this? Yeah, sure, no prob

Fair play. Right.

But when you are ready to chat,

my lugholes are, you know,

open all hours. Well, not

all hours. School hours only.

I do have a life. I go netball

and stuff, so, yeah. Yeah.

Nice chat. Nice chat.

Oh, my God, have you two

been Scissor Sistering?

Oh, you're funny. Shut up now.

Shut up now. Right, come on.

Right, enough, out. Out! Out now.

This way. The rest of you, come on!

The roles of head boy and head girl

are not to be undertaken lightly.

You will be the faces of our school.

Our champions in the community.

What's the point, Miss?

Poppy's clearly going to get it.

Just give it to her now, like.

When I want your input,

I'll ask for it. Duties include

Are you coming to the park? I can't.

Why? font color

Excuse me.

Some of us are trying to listen.

Suck my d*ck, Peter.

What are you doing?

I won't be verbally assaulted.

Just swap seats with Beth, then.

You should have got here early if

you wanted to pick and choose seats.

font color

You'll have a week to

run your campaign.

Then you'll make a speech to the

whole of your year before

we cast our votes. Oi. Don't lie

to me. Are you seeing Poppy

No, I'm revising. Do you actually

give a f*ck about me?n

Of course I do.

What are you on about?

Have you ever heard of texting.

It's a wonderful invention.

Ever heard of not being a c**t? I've

never even been round your house.

Well, you can come round

when the conservatory's finished.

If you don't come tonight,

don't speak to me again.

You should chill, like.

What have I done?

I'll come. Seriously, Peter,

I am going to slap you.

Peter. Miss, just to flag. There's

a lot of chatter going on

Oh, grow up. Bethan Gwyndaf.

Why am I not surprised?

I Hush up or get out.

Names to me by Wednesday

at the latest, please.

Thanks.

Mam?

Mam?

I got you some flowers.

Mam?

Dad? Dad!

Mam's gone. She'll be upstairs.

No, she's not! f*cking hel

You need to move!

Come on, Mam

There's people waiting here!

I just need to get my money out.

Come on! Sorry. Shent

Had her wisdom tooth out earlier and

they gave her some mad painkillers.

Come on. People are waiting. I think

it's broken, that one.

People are waiting.

It's broken. Come on.

Mam.

Sorry I was slow.

I told you she wouldn't be far.

That's not the point.

She could have

stepped in front of a bus.

Anything could have happened to her.

Why are you making a scene?

She's fine. I'm meant to be

revising with my friend, mind.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE: Having the best

night of my life, you prick.

Go on, then.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE: Yeah, and leave

you to k*ll her?

It's fine.

Move! Eh!

Stupid prick.

What do you fancy? What?

What do you fancy to eat?

Sirloin steak with peppercorn sauce,

please.

OK. Er

What about f*ggots and peas?

That will be nice.

Thanks, Beth. It's OK.

Food is better shared. Sorry?

Food is better shared.

You bought that. I bought that.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Get that!

Lazy twat.

You hungry?

Aren't you meant to be at work?

Ah, told them I had the squits.

I had to come and treat my girls,

didn't I?

Hiya, Treen. All right, love?

Now, a couple of strippers

will sort you out.

Bet you never had food like that

in hospital, did you? Awful.

She got out the house earlier, Nan.

Couldn't find her.

What are you starting for?

Who's she? The cat's mother?

Why weren't you watching her? I

can't be everywhere at once

You were pissed. Ah, here we go!

Dinner. Shove it.

He's a bit arsey.

Good riddance.

All the more for us. Nan?

If you're going to be

here for a bit, can I

I've got a really big English

exam tomorrow,

and I'm meant to be at my friend's.

What, now? Yeah, revising.

I came to see you. I know.

It's just It's an important o

All right, go on, then. Serious?

It won't take me long.

You'll be all right with me, Treen?

You used to shoplift

clothes from Primark.

Don't go telling all my secrets.

Bingo caller Carl will be here

for me at 10, so be back by then.

Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

Don't need a baby-sitter. I know.

See you in a bit.

Hey. Hey. What ballet were

the

The new Matthew Bourne one.

Oh, gross. I know. font c

Thanks.

INTERNAL DIALOGUE: I'm in Poppy's

house. I'm in Poppy's house. I'm in

font c

Mum, I'm going to eat my food

upstairs, OK? OK, love. nt

Oh, my God, I'm

in Poppy Cruikshank's house.

I might start doing Slimming World.

My mum does it. She's lost 7lb.

She looks wicked.

You're a very boring man. What?

I mean, my mum's really struggled

with her weight.

I'm really proud of her.

I don't care.

Right. Fine.

Let's just cut your cake.

Oh, my God. Why would you do that?

You're feral.

You've just ruined your cake.

I hope Beth doesn't come.

If she comes now,

I'm going to tell her to f*ck off

and go and k*ll herself.

Excuse me. Eyes down, please.

You're supposed to be working.

Being nosy. Mm.

What's this? Oh, look. What? Don

I've been trying to write my head

girl's speech, but it's so sh*t.

You're definitely going to get it.

You'll be wicked at it as well. I

know, I just want to do a

Are you going to go for it? Oh, no.

No. Absolutely not.nt

I could help you write your speech,

though, if you want?

I love all that stuff.

Would you really?

Because I'm so sh*t at writing.

No, you're not.

You're like the rare mix of being

both popular and brainy.

This was a bad idea.

I can't focus with you here.

Sorry.

I'll try and be more invisible.

Why don't we just watch the film?

At least then we'll be, like,

subliminally absorbing the story.

MOBILE BUZZES

This is it.

Come on. Sit on the bed.

I f*cking got ready and everything.

Seriously, Trav,

like who does she think she is?

Like she totally just bailed on me.

I've been her best friend

for, like, so long.

And she looked in my face and she

lied. I'm so f*cked off wi

I don't care if he cut off his whole

arm. It's my birthday.

It'd be different if

he was a proper amputee,

but this is just a cut, like

Oi! Tony Chippy!

It's my birthday. Is it?

How old are you, then? font

What are you going to give me

as a present? That depends.

What are you going to give me?

Oh, what do you want?

What do you like? Lydia. Lyds,

just stop f*cking talking to h

He's gross.

Happy birthday, love.

Oh, my God, he's gagging for it.

He makes my skin crawl.

Why have you got

a face like a smacked arse?

Right, babe, I'm going to go.

I'm sorry. Because of the exam. OK?

My mum wants me home.

Fine, just go, then. Fine. Piss off.

Take your cake. Are you going to be

all right getting back?/

Just go if you're going!

Bye.

I'm surrounded by pussies.

JANE EYRE: I need to have

a leave of absence

to see a sick lady

who has asked for me.

What sick lady? Her name is Reed.

She is my uncle's wife.

Imagine if you got dumped, and then

your ex locked you in an attic.

Bertha, you poor cow.

Get on Tinder, babe.

I'd better go in a minute. Just five

more minutes. It's nea

OK.

MOBILE BUZZES

"Hey, it's Bethan. Leave a message."

f*ck!

f*cking

f*ck.

f*ck it.

Oi, Tony!

Hiya.

I fell asleep. It's OK.

I've really got to go.

Can't you just stay a bit?

And just hug me,

just till I fall back asleep?

You do smell like chips, Tony. I

know. font color="♪

It's my birthday. I know, sugar.

f*ck, it's midnight.

sh*t. sh*t, sh*t.

What are you doing? Just stay here.

I can't. My mum will go mad

if I'm not home.

13 texts from Jamie Dalton.

He needs to get some chill.

Why is he messaging?

Because we've been dating, kind of.

Oh, cool. What d'you think? Do

you like him? font co

As in, I don't know him, but, yeah,

he seems cool.

Right, I've got to go.

Thanks for having me.

Get home safe, babe.

Hey, love. Mam?

What's happened?

Why has he left you here?

Go on, tell me.

I kept running away.

I kept running away. OK.

Let's get you out.

Are they sore?

Let's put some cream on them.

OK.

I'm not well, am I, Beth?

No.

But you will be.

You're going to be.

I promise.

We'll get you better.

I'm sorry.

Please, please, just look at me.

Never ever

apologise to me, OK?

I'm your daughter.

OK?

We'll get you better.

We will.

You won't let him in, will you?

No, no. I promise you.

You can sleep with me tonight.

Thank you.

It's OK.

Well, that went well.