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01x04 - Episode 4

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Feud". Aired: 14 April – 23 April 2025.*
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Neighbours on an idyllic suburban street come to blows over one family's plan to build an extension on their property.

01x04 - Episode 4

Post by bunniefuu »

They want to move our tree.

What's so special about that tree?

I'm asking you

to vouch for your father.

Which is a big ask, as it's you.

Are you trying to blackmail me?

Come on, you!

Derek!

GLASS SHATTERS

LAUGHTER

It's true, honestly.

It really happened.

He told me himself.

He was so drunk,

he went to the wrong house?

Yeah, he turns up and rings

the doorbell at two in the morning.

And what?

Well, this old bloke answers

the door, carrying an air r*fle.

No!

Yeah.

And my mate is so drunk,

full of whisky,

that he panics

and starts shouting at the guy,

telling him that he thinks

he's k*lled his parents!

No way!

Yeah.

And then the old bloke,

in self-defence, you know,

and because my mate seemed like

he was completely nuts,

he shot him, twice - once in the arm

and once in the arse.

Oh, my God!

This is why I don't drink whisky.

THEY LAUGH

HE SIGHS

I haven't had this much fun

in ages.

Yeah. Yeah, nor me.

Yeah, I don't know what it is

with Alan these days.

He's just so

Ugh.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I don't think Emma even really knows

who I am any more.

You know, she's so busy with work.

At least one of you is.

Ha-ha (!)

SHE CHUCKLES

You know what's strange?

Erm That you and I have come

for a drink without our partners?

Yeah, that.

Mm.

And

Oh, I don't know.

You don't know what?

Well, that was unexpected.

CLEARS HER THROA

You think?

HE TUTS

This is a terrible idea.

We've become the people we hate.

Somebody has k*lled two magpies

and thrown one of them

through our window -

someone who has photos of us.

Seemingly, we are the people

who someone else hates.

Who would have photos of us?

Anyone could.

They're all over your profile page.

Hmm. Bit of a coincidence,

though, don't you think?

What is? Nick's camera being down

when it happened.

What, you think it was him?

Maybe.

Because of the parking permits?

Even that freak isn't that crazy.

And he wouldn't k*ll two magpies.

Besides, he wouldn't damage

his own camera.

He'd just say it was turned off.

Then it's Derek. Course it is.

You think Derek disabled his camera?

Why not? Or Barbara?

Yeah, sure, right after

she finished her SAS selection (!)

Think about it - the loud music,

the objections to the build.

He hates us. They both do.

Emma, you need

to take a breath here.

If you think about it logically

Emma, just stop!

It was probably just a prank.

A prank?

I think you need to calm down.

No, it's Derek. I know it is.

Well, if you think it was him,

why don't you go and ask him?

Well, I will be asking.

I'll be asking everyone.

And now we can see everything

everyone is up to, day and night.

Hey, Sonia.

SHE MOUTHS

You OK?

Yeah.

They've put up a camera.

Can you blame 'em?

I didn't think

they were those kind of people.

They probably didn't think

their neighbours

were "murdering magpies

and throwing them through windows"

kind of people.

Ugh, that guy makes me nervous.

Maybe he k*lled the magpies.

And why would a builder want

to freak out the people paying him?

I don't know.

Who knows why people do anything?

Yeah, who knows?

I have to go.

I'm teaching this afternoon.

Year 9 algebra.

God, they're hard work.

Nobody likes algebra.

HE CHUCKLES

'Good morning, St Michael's.'

Hi, I'm calling

because I was supposed to be

at the GCSE maths conference

on Saturday.

'Saturday? OK'

Yeah, I'm wondering

if there was any online follow-up.

You know, so I can catch up.

'Let me see.'

Thanks.

'I'm sorry, erm

there was no conference that day.

'The GCSE maths event is next month.

It looks like you made a mistake.'

Yeah. Yeah, it does. Thank you.

Barbara?

They've got the walls up!

Can you hear me?

Barbara?

PHONE RINGS

Andi?

Beth, how are you?

'I'm fine.'

Where have you been?

I've texted you a few times.

'Yeah, I'm so sorry.'

I meant to call.

I've just been really busy.

Out catching baddies?

Yeah, you could say that.

So, I'm putting on

a small exhibition -

inspired by you, actually.

Will you come?

Yeah. Yeah, of course. When?

'I'll let you know.'

Maybe you could bring

some of your stuff along.

My friend should be there,

the agent.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be great.

I've missed you.

You, too.

And I can't wait for you to see it.

I'll be there.

'Great.'

I'll speak to you soon. Bye.

SHE EXHALES

Hmm.

EMMA: Derek! Derek!

Barbara! I know you're in there!

Mum!

Beth, do us a favour.

Jump over the back fence

and see if these two lunatics

are hiding in there.

Are you sure

you're not the lunatic?

Well, I'm not a magpie m*rder*r,

if that's what you mean.

RINGS BUZZER

I know you're in there!

Look, I think you need to stop.

Well, are you gonna help me or not?

EMMA TAPS WINDOW

I see you've got a camera.

Not now, Nick!

Bit strange,

just after mine's been vandalised.

What do you mean?

NICK CHUCKLES

You tell me.

I'm going to college.

Are you gonna be in tonight?

Hopefully not.

Can I ask why,

why you've got a camera?

Oh, you know, I just thought,

you're the one

breaking all the privacy laws,

so if you can't beat them

You know, the council are

making their decision this week

about the parking zone,

and it's looking quite good,

despite what you all think.

You're a bird lover, aren't you?

I'm a keen ornithologist.

What's that got to do with anything?

Do you know what

he's been doing - Derek?

Murdering magpies.

What?

Yeah.

One of them came through my window

last night.

Magpies?

"One for sorrow, two for joy."

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

He knows I'm superstitious.

He's trying to intimidate me.

How does that make you feel, Nick,

knowing that there's a man in there

who's a bird k*ller?

What makes you think it was Derek?

Because he's the only person that

has any reason to be upset with me,

apart from you.

It's not you, is it, Nick?

Course not. Are you insane?

Can I see your CCTV,

just to be sure?

It was broken, remember?

Yes, but before that,

you must have something.

Nothing.

All right.

Well, if it is Derek,

we'll soon find out.

You're not the only one

with a camera now, are you?

MAGPIE CACKLES

HAMMERING

The plumbing and electrics

will need to start

before I lay these tiles.

Sure. I'll

I'll tell Emma.

They're gonna need paying up front.

What?

There's a reason

this is getting done so fast.

I'm pulling in favours,

and I'm doing more of the work

myself than I usually would.

But I can't do everything, can I?

And they're gonna need paying.

All right.

I'll talk to Emma.

That must be frustrating for you.

What?

Well, you know, having to get

your boss's nod on everything.

We're married.

We make decisions together.

OK, whatever you say, chief.

What's it got to do

with you, anyway?

You don't intimidate me, you know.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not that sort of fella.

Wouldn't dream of it.

And you don't get to disrespect me

in my own home.

I don't care who you are.

Well, that's good.

Cos you haven't got any idea

who I am.

PHONE VIBRATES

RUSTLING

We need to be realistic about

what we can achieve in there, OK?

Come on, let's go in.

Emma, have you got a minute?

Not really, no.

I'm busy. Maybe later.

Now would be good.

Ian, can you not see

that I'm with a client?

It's about your Bangladeshi kid.

All right. I'll see you in there.

Look, the cop was a r*cist,

and she screwed up.

But more than that,

she's got form, OK?

And by the way,

she confronted me downstairs, so

I want to show you something.

Ian, come on.

I've got so much going on.

Just watch.

SHE SIGHS

ANGRY SHOUTING

Is he OK?

Wait.

'f*ck you!

You saw him hit me! You saw him!

'You gonna do nothing?

Is that what you do? Nothing?'

Notice anything?

What, apart from the fact

he's been assaulted on camera?

Looks like he's been to college

since the last time we saw him.

What you talking about?

Well, his English has improved,

don't you think?

You knew he spoke English,

didn't you?

I knew the copper was a r*cist,

that's what I knew.

And because of you,

her career is over.

You know that, too.

Well, that's on her, not me.

HE SIGHS

I can't ignore this.

Can't prove it, either.

John?

Terry?

What do you want?

Getting coffee. You?

Mind if I join you?

Unless you're meeting someone?

Um, no. I'm just

How you been?

What do you want, Terry?

That's not very nice.

Nice? You want me to be nice?

I said, I've come for coffee.

I don't believe you.

I know you're back in touch

with Emma,

so I can only assume

you want something.

How's the build going?

What do you care?

You're a hard man to help.

Help?

I wasn't aware we needed your help.

I was sorry

to hear about your job.

Sure.

Look, Terry it's lovely

to catch up and everything,

but I really need to

Why the hurry?

I want to talk to you about Emma.

I thought

you weren't meeting anyone.

I'm not. I don't know what it is

that you're trying to

Who was that?

Who?

There was a woman in the doorway.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Look, I really have to go.

You just got here.

Yeah, but so did you.

I need Emma to help me,

and she listens to you.

She's helped you enough.

You need to make her understand

She understands who you are.

Just leave us alone.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

I asked John, and he said

he'd need to speak to you.

Lee, I need you to slow down.

There's too much money

coming out, too fast.

Tell you what,

we could stop altogether.

No, I didn't mean

Actually, do you know what?

He was pretty rude to me.

And I'm not a big fan

of rude people.

PHONE RINGS

RINGING STOPS

Do you, erm? Do you mind if I?

Fancy a coffee with that?

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice, thanks.

You all right?

MAGPIE CACKLES

Hello, Mr Magpie.

I've never seen you smoke.

Well, I don't usually,

but there's a lot going on.

Do you want to talk about it?

Oh, it's the build, work stuff,

you know.

Yeah.

Actually, I was thinking,

I'd definitely be up

for doing those shelves.

That's if you still want me to.

Yeah, absolutely.

Great.

All right.

Well, I'll send you the plans,

and you can do me a quote.

OK. I'll do that.

THEY CHUCKLE

Did you find out

who sent those magpies?

Yeah. It was Derek.

The man's unhinged.

Well, if you can k*ll your kid

and bury him under a tree, then

Exactly.

You know I'm joking, right?

HE CHUCKLES

Yes.

Have you spoken to Sonia recently?

No. Why, is she OK?

Honestly? I don't know.

I think

You think what?

OK, I probably shouldn't be

saying this to you,

but you know her well,

and you're a woman, so

Oh, Jesus. What is it?

I think she's been lying to me.

Why do you think that?

I just

Like I said, it's probably nothing,

you know?

You do trust her, though?

Do you trust John?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

I'm sorry.

HE CHUCKLES

I shouldn't have brought it up.

It's just that

I mean, I do wonder whether

he's always told me the truth.

You think he's had affairs?

Have you, ever?

SHE SCOFFS

I can't believe

we're having this conversation.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Have you?

I'd better go.

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Thanks for the tea.

Yeah, ease up on those f*gs.

Yeah.

SONIA: What the hell happened?

JOHN: 'I'm sorry.

'I don't know what my bloody

father-in-law was doing there.'

Did he see me?

SIGHS

I think so.

SHE SIGHS

He doesn't know who I am, does he?

'John?'

I think

I think Emma suspects something.

Seriously?

'Yeah.'

You know, I don't know what,

exactly, but

What about Alan?

He seems different around me.

I don't know. I don't think so.

John, there's something

we need to talk about.

I feel like we need

to think about what's happening.

There's something

we need to discuss.

'I agree, we do.

I mean, it's just'

It feels

Things are all

just getting too difficult.

I mean, it feels like

I don't know. I mean

'I'm worried that'

John, please, you need to listen.

I just think

maybe we should, erm

John, I'm

'Maybe we should'

I'm

..we should stop.

'I mean, it's crazy!'

What do we think we're doing?

Stop?

'Yeah, I I think'

Maybe.

I mean

It's all just getting so messy,

isn't it?

What do you think?

Sonia?

'Sonia, say something.'

Sonia, please,

I really need you to

You're right, you're right.

Yeah, it's madness.

Are you sure?

Do you really think?

Yeah, of course.

I-I don't know what I was thinking.

'No, well, it's not just you, is it?

It It took two of us to'

I'm sorry.

It's for the best, though.

For the best.

'Sonia'

SOBS

RINGS BUZZER

Derek!

Oh, leave us alone.

I will, when you stop

murdering magpies

and putting them through my window.

What are you talking about?

What kind of psychopath

would do that? Does Barbara know?

Know what?

Barbara!

Barbara's not well.

Barbara!

She's in bed because of all

the stress you keep giving us.

We've done nothing wrong,

unlike you.

I'm onto you, Derek. We all are.

FOOTSTEPS

We're gonna sell the house.

What?

But we can't.

I don't want to move. We can't move.

What about the?

It's just time to move on.

Jesus. Seriously, Dad?

I'm gonna be at the park at four.

Be there.

Emma.

Not now.

Emma, listen.

No, I'm not listening.

If you're trying

to put me off my stride

with stupid intimidation tactics,

get in line.

You haven't seen the email,

have you? What email?

I'm sorry. I I had no choice.

Seriously?

This is madness, and you know it is.

CHAIR CREAKS

Right, you've got five minutes,

because I'm already having

a bit of a sh*t week,

and I've got a feeling you're about

to make it worse. Emma

And just so you know,

the only reason I'm here

is because it was either that

or change my number,

and I am terrified that

you'll turn up at my house again.

I saw John. I bumped into him.

Small world.

You mean you followed him.

Look

What did you say to him?

Dad, what did you say to him?

Nothing.

I don't believe you.

I was going to.

I was going to tell him

what I did for you,

and that I wanted you

to return the favour.

You're unbelievable.

Why would you say that?

I didn't.

So, why not?

You suddenly found your soul

and remembered I was your daughter?

Kid, I need you

to sign these papers.

So you thought that telling me

that you'd bumped into John

might intimidate me

into signing them?

I just thought

No, you didn't.

Because that's your problem,

you never do!

There was a woman there.

John was there to meet a woman.

I saw her.

He's allowed to meet people.

Did you recognise her?

No, but it felt like

Like what?

I've never trusted him,

you know that.

Right, well, the feeling is mutual.

Did you just bring me here, Dad,

to tell me that you think

my husband's having an affair?

I know an affair when I see one, Em.

Yeah, that's cos you've had one

or ten.

Oh, f*ck you, Dad.

Emma!

Emma!

What happened to your car?

Emma, what's going on?

It's Derek. It has to be.

Who else would use a picture

of Marcus and Beth?

It's just weird.

You mean you got more?

He's the only one

who'd have a photo of Marcus.

"Three for a girl, four for a boy."

What does this even mean?

It means there's three more to go

before

Before what?

A secret never to be told.

Do you want me to talk to him?

No, thanks. I'll do it.

Was Sonia at work today?

Yeah, why?

Why are you asking me about Sonia?

Nothing. I just, erm

Just what?

Is it because of what I said?

But why is he doing this to me?

Emma!

Lee, has Derek been in here?

You know, the neighbour?

No, of course he hasn't.

You and Pawel have been here, right?

Did you get my cash?

Sorry?

Yeah, no. I'll sort it, I promise.

I told you, and I told John.

Yeah, I'll sort it.

Look, I don't think

you're listening to me.

I don't do all this

for the love of it, you know.

I want the cash.

Now, I've got work to do.

There it is.

You made it!

My God, I am so thrilled you came.

I'm not gonna lie,

I'm so, so nervous.

Oh, no, you shouldn't be.

It's exciting.

Is your agent friend here?

She will be.

Shall we get a drink at the bar

before we go up?

Yeah, I'd love that.

Great.

Hi, can I please have a cider?

What'd you like?

I'll have the same, please.

JOHN: Emma?

What happened to the car?

HE SIGHS

Beth? Wait, is is that Marcus,

Derek and Barbara's son?

Yeah, it was on the back seat

of the car.

Well, where were you?

Near the park.

Derek must have followed me.

What, were you going for a walk?

No.

Actually, I was with my dad.

Look, I've looked

on my profile page,

and that picture of Beth and Marcus

is on there.

Surely Derek can't use social media?

I assume he told you we met.

Your dad.

I think it's time for the truth.

The truth?

I asked Dad to help me push through

the planning application.

Jesus, Emma. So it was him.

He wants me to underwrite a loan.

What, as payback?

So that's why he needed your help.

I said no.

He was desperate,

but I think he's punishing me.

He wanted to see you to tell you,

and well, to cause some trouble.

I should have told you.

You shouldn't have done it.

Right, well

..I think we've both done things

we regret.

HE SIGHS

Look, we need to talk to Derek.

He said you were meeting someone.

What?

Dad, he said he thought

you were meeting someone.

I was just having a coffee.

He said he saw a woman.

HE SCOFFS

What woman?

Don't know.

He said he didn't recognise her.

Listen, that man will say anything

to get what he wants.

He's just causing trouble,

you said so yourself.

Yeah, but in this instance,

I don't think he's lying.

LEE: Hello? We need to speak.

Oh, you've started on the floor.

You said you had to do the wiring

and the plumbing before

They've pulled the planning.

What do you mean?

Dunno.

Got a phone call from the council,

and something to do

with irregularities.

But how could?

I don't understand.

Why wouldn't they have told me?

Well, you'll have an email.

You've got to get this sorted.

Yeah, but why would they?

Dad.

So we're gonna have to stop work

for now,

but you're still gonna have to pay.

What?

Work stops, money doesn't.

What's going on?

Emma!

Where are you going?

I'm gonna deal with Derek,

then see Dad.

Emma, we need to talk about this.

I can deal with Derek.

No, you can't.

Emma!

You can't do this.

You can't do anything.

So why don't you just stay here

and do whatever it is you do?

Oh, so you heard

they rejected the parking zone?

You must be very pleased.

Look, I need to see your footage.

Hey, hey!

He's k*lled two more.

What?

Derek.

He put them in the back of my car,

two dead magpies!

I need to see if he was walking

down the street with the birds.

Nothing's showing up on mine.

You can't just walk into my house.

No, Nick,

he's doing this to t*rture me.

He's k*lling birds. You're gonna

let him get away with it?

I just wanted the parking permits.

I want to park in front of my house.

You're not listening to what

I'm saying! He is murdering birds!

For God's sake, stop saying that!

Will you get out? Get out!

I just need to see your footage!

Give me two minutes!

Get out of my house! Get out!

DEEP BREATHING

Open the door, you mad b*stard!

I know it's you.

SHE HUFFS

HE SIGHS

DOOR CLOSES

He won't answer his door.

Can you believe that?

The bloody coward

won't even open his own door!

Do you think it was your dad

that stopped the build? Dunno.

Do you really think he'd do that,

your own father?

What, betray me, you mean?

SHE SCOFFS

Look at these photos.

Do you know, someone once said to me

that photos lie,

where art tells the truth?

What do you mean?

Just these moments, I mean

were any of them even real?

Of course they were real.

SHE SIGHS

Look at us.

Look at Beth.

What does it all mean?

Emma, what are you?

Who were you meeting at the cafe?

Who was she?

Look, we're not

We've been through that.

We're talking about your father.

We're talking about trust.

It's all madness -

the magpies, the build,

it's all too much for you,

it's all madness!

Why are you lying to me?

I'm not lying.

Just stop it! Stop lying!

JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

FROM NEXT DOOR

SHE HUFFS

There are a few people here already.

OK.

And I'm hoping for a few more later.

Yeah.

Fingers crossed.

OK, this is it.

God!

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Thanks.

So, this is a study

of a place in time. Mm-hm.

It is one place

over a period of time.

I'll be down at the bar, OK?

OK.

Let me know what you think.

Yeah.

JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

FROM NEXT DOOR

DOOR OPENS

Emma?

Emma, where are you going?

I'm gonna deal with Derek.

Emma

No, I know we always joke about it,

but Marcus is either missing

or he's buried under that tree.

Wait, you just

You need to take a breath.

Do you really think

he could've done that? Why not?

I don't know anything any more.

I don't know who my father is.

I don't know who you are,

or whether I ever have.

But I do know the psycho next door

is trying to intimidate me.

So, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna dig up that tree.

Why won't you listen to me, woman?

Why can't you see

this is all your fault? All of it!

It isn't, it never was,

and you know it!

EMMA: Open this door, Derek!

Open it, now!

The hell is wrong

with these people?!

I'm gonna k*ll them!

Derek, you have to stop.

JAZZ MUSIC BLARES

What? What are you doing?

I know who you are

and what you're up to.

You know nothing about me.

Show me where they are,

the dead birds! Get out of my house!

What have you done with them?

You need to get out!

What are you gonna do, k*ll me?

Like you k*lled your son, Marcus?

Get the hell out of my house!

Get off her!

Like hitting women, do you?