01x06 - February 31st

[bunniefuu]

STEVE: You know that printing
press that makes our calendars?

I bought it! I have big
plans for the calendars.

- We're being sued for racially
discriminatory practices.

This guy says that we turned him
away for not having a VIP card.

- It's not true.
Are you serious?

There are no VIP cards.
They do not exist.

IRENE: I don't know
which is worse,

what you did or the fact
that you lied about it!

- Chippendales is gonna be

on The Phil Donahue
Show. [audience cheering]

- Please welcome Mr. Chippendales
himself, Mr. Nick De Noia.

STEVE: I forbid you from
going on national television

to take credit for my creation.

- Is that what I'm doing,
Steve? I'm stealing credit?

- That is exactly
what you are doing!

- You wanna see taking
credit, as*h*le?

I will show you taking credit.

STEVE: You know, most parents
would be extremely proud of me.

I've made it.

♪ Funky music playing ♪

♪

[dial clicking]

♪

♪

♪ Diana Ross' Muscles playing ♪

[crowd cheering]

[fingers snapping]

[crowd continues cheering]

♪

[crowd cheering]

♪

♪ She said she wants a man ♪

♪ To always understand ♪

♪ But that's all right for her ♪

♪ Still, I don't care
if he's young or old ♪

- Whoa! [laughs]

♪ I just want someone
I can hold on to ♪

♪ I want muscles ♪

♪ Muscles, muscles ♪

[crowd cheering]

- I'm gonna go check
on Brooke and Calvin.

- Oh, I can't wait
to hear all about it.

- I love you.
- I love you!

- Wow. Well, we're
officially idiots.

- Well, you said it.
[both laughing]

Maybe next time, fellas, maybe.

Sage!

- Hi!
- I told you.

What do you think?
- Bravo.

NICK: Ah, you're too kind.

- Oh, my God, that was so good.

- Oh, thank you,
sweetheart. Mwah.

- Nick De Noia, you have
outdone yourself yet again.

- Well, if you like
that, wait till you see

what I cooked up for the closer.

You ain't seeing nothing yet.
- Well done!

Keep it up and I might have
to give you a pay raise.

Let me think about it.

[laughs]

Steve Banerjee.
CALVIN: Calvin Klein.

- I'm a great admirer of your
success in the business world.

And, Ms. Shields, your
advertising campaign

for Mr. Klein's jeans, oh,

those jeans look
wonderful on you.

- Settle down, Steve. [laughs]

Steve is, uh... what would
you call yourself, Steve?

- Oh, you know what
you would call me.

- I know what I would call you.
- Yes. [laughs]

Come on, you remember my title.

- Why don't you
tell them, Steve?

- I am the owner and
creator of Chippendales.

- Oh.

It's a great show.
BOTH: Thank you.

- It really was.
BOTH: Thank you.

NICK: God, I've had it!

That's the third
f*cking time in a month.

- Well, why'd he say
he was here this time?

- He didn't.

Stopped even bothering
to make excuses.

- It's really sad,
the insecurity.

- I know.

- Oh, did I tell you about
Valerie Bertinelli last weekend?

- Oh God, what?

- So, she and I are in the VIP,

and we're, you know, partying,
and, uh, and who comes in?

"Oh, oh, Miss Bertinelli,
I, I am a big fan of you

and your hit CBS
television comedy program."

- Oh, my God, it's f*cking mortifying.
[woman giggling]

- Very sad.
- Oh, my God!

Nick De Noia!

- Hey, Mr. Chippendale.

- Well, hello.

[woman laughing]
WOMAN: Oh, my God!

[pedestrians murmuring]

- This is my f*cking
moment. Don't you see it?

- Nick.
- You cannot.

- I am a brand now,
people will follow.

I launch U.S. Male, they
will follow me there.

DENISE: Why?
- Why?

DENISE: Yes, why?

Why now when you're
finally making money,

you're the toast of the town?

- Because I can't
f*cking stand the guy.

- Well, so he drops in a few
times a month, uninvited,

and makes you
miserable. NICK: Mm.

Mm!
- You know, my brother, Eddie,

does the same exact thing.

- You know, Otis was right.

Three thousand miles,
not nearly far enough.

[Nick sighs]
- What about 10,000 miles?

- What? BRADFORD:
Or 20,000 miles?

- What are you talking about?
- Yeah, what are you talking about?

- I'm talking about a tour.

A Chippendales tour.

DENISE: That's actually not
a terrible idea, Bradford.

BRADFORD: Thank you.

Yeah, you know, it's a
different city every night.

- Not a Banerjee in sight.
[Bradford chuckles]

- I have a friend who used to
manage the road company of Evita,

and he said it was heaven.

The theater takes
care of everything.

They put you at
the nicest hotels.

They... DENISE: They
pay for your dinner.

- Yes, they take you to dinner.
They're flying you first class.

They treat you like kings, Nick.

DENISE: And we would still
have the New York office.

We could come and go as
we please. BRADFORD: Yeah.

- A little west coast tour
here, a European leg there.

- Yeah, it'd be like having
a country house to escape to.

- Except the country house
is the whole f*cking world.

[chuckles] You're
kind of smart.

- Yeah, I am.
[Denise chuckles]

CHERYL: What are you doing? I mean...
- IRENE: I know.

- Hi.
- We have a problem.

[bag thuds]
- Hello, Cheryl.

What is your problem?

- Well, in a word, you.

- You missed your deposition.

- I tried, but my
flight was canceled.

I told you... CHERYL: Uh,
you shouldn't have been

in New York in the first place.

Not six weeks before trial.

- I had business to attend to.

- More important than
the 13 people suing you

for racial discrimination?

- Thirteen?
- Yeah, two more just joined.

Mazel.

- This is just a blatant money grab.
- No, this is a class-action lawsuit.

- You have to take
this seriously, Steve.

This could destroy
us financially.

- Cases like this, damages
can run into the millions.

- And we don't have enough cash
reserves to sustain a hit like that.

- Revenue has never been higher.

IRENE: And neither
have expenses.

The renovations, the
constant trips to New York,

the fines, the
overcrowding, the...

Oh God, the blocked exits.

We are single-handedly
keeping the LAFD in business.

- I mean, you're their
number one donor.

- I can think of one major
expense we could get rid of.

CHERYL: Hey, I am the best
money that you ever spent.

Certainly better than
your f*cking humidor.

- Oh, you mean the centerpiece
of our soon-to-open VIP section?

- Who is smoking cigars here?
- Nobody yet 'cause it's not open.

But once it opens, it's an
option for people to have.

CHERYL: Are you
kidding? IRENE: Steve!

I ran the numbers.

If we lose this case,

we don't have sufficient working
capital to maintain operations.

We're gonna lose the club.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd continues cheering]

[telephone ringing]

STEVE: Hello?

DARRELL [over phone]: Oh,
hey. Good, you're there.

So, time's getting tight
and... STEVE: Who is this?

DARRELL: Darrell,
from the print shop.

I've been calling and calling.

I really need your
sign-off on those proofs.

STEVE: I'm busy, can't
you just sign it yourself?

DARRELL: Uh, it really
needs to be your signature.

STEVE: Okay, fine,
I'll be there tomorrow.

DARRELL: Yeah? Great!

Any time before 3:00 would be...

[receiver clatters]

[crowd cheering]

[sighs]

DARRELL: Hey, Steve.

Check it out.

Look how nice that is.

Eighty-pound white
gloss text stock.

Super high contrast,
it's really gonna pop.

- Where do I sign?

- Oh. Sure, yeah.

You're a busy man. [chuckles]

Here.

Yep.

Here are the proofs.

- Yep.

Looks good.

Actually.

[pen scratching]

[pen clicks]

Nice round number.

- Uh...

- Is that a problem?

- I mean, uh, no, no, it's...

- Thank you.
- Uh...

[door opens] Oh sh*t.

- What are you doing here?

- There's something I
wanted to talk to you about.

- You know phones work, right?

- I just thought it'd
be better in person.

I'm hungry.

You feel like grabbing a bite?

STEVE: So what's the catch?

[chuckles]

- The catch?

There is no catch.

This is what's commonly
known as a win-win.

- So I get half the profit?

- Fifty-fifty, even-stevens.

- And I do not have
to put up a dime?

- Or lift a finger.

All you have to do, sit
back, let the checks roll in.

And it instantly expands
the brand, nationally.

Internationally.

[chuckles]

Think of what it'll
do for the calendar.

I mean, what's...
Swedish for November?

- The whole world?

- Why not?

Russia, China.

Steve.

India.

I mean, talk about a homecoming.

- Let's do it.

- Yeah?

- It's a win-win, right?

[Nick laughs]

NICK: Who's your lawyer?

- Why?

- Well, draw up some paperwork.
[lighter clinks]

Send it over.

[lighter clatters]

- Who needs lawyers?

I spend more than
enough on legal fees.

[laughs]

[inhales]

[exhales]

- See if I can remember
my, uh, law jargon.

[laughs]

Banerjee.

One N, right?

- Just read it off
your paychecks.

[Nick laughs]

- Touché. [chuckles]

Alrighty.

[pen scratching]

Boom, done.

[Nick sniffs]

You, uh...

you understand all that?

- Perfectly.

[pen scratching]

[Nick inhales]

[pen scratching]

- Reenie?

Reenie!

[keys clatter]

Reenie?

There's my girl.

Hi.
- Hi.

[kisses]

- There's my other girl.

[kisses]

- What?

What is that?

- Just a little something.

- Oh God.

[Irene sighs]

There you go.

Oh, my God, Steve.

This had to have cost a fortune.

- It's only a fraction
of what you deserve.

[Irene scoffs]

- You have to take this back.

We cannot afford
this, not right now.

- We can.

I've been making moves.

- What moves?
- Shrewd moves.

To shore up our
company's finances.

- [sighs] What moves, Steve?

- I increased the print
run of our calendar

from 300,000 to half a million.

- What?

- It'll boost our gross by


- Well, that's still
not gonna get us there.

- I know.

That's why I struck a deal with
Nick to start a touring company.

- We don't have a
touring company.

- Yes, we do.
- No, we don't.

- Yes, we do.

We don't do a thing and we
get 50 percent of the profits.

We'll be in the black
by the end of the year.

- How did the numbers look?

- The numbers work.

- Really?
- I fixed it.

I fixed everything.

- Why didn't you run this by me?

- I just wanted to surprise you.

- Steve, you have to stop
doing things behind my back.

- Okay, I know.

I just wanted it to be right
before I brought it to you.

I...

Hey.
- The numbers work?

- The numbers work.
- They really work?

- They really work.

- You still have
to take this back.

- Why?
- It's too much. It's...

It's too much for me.

- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.

- Irene, you deserve the
life you have created.

You made this.

You did this. This is all yours.

This house.

This is your life...

my Hollywood accountant.

- Take it back.

- I know things haven't
been great between us.

I know I did some bad things.

I'm sorry.

I am sorry.

- If you don't take
this back, I will.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.

SALESWOMAN: Oh, hello.

- Hi.
- Hi.

So nice to see you
on this lovely day.

Please sit down.

Make yourself comfortable.
- Thank you.

Thank you so much. [chuckles]

- How can I help you?

- I'm here [clears throat]

about this.
- Ah.

Oh.

I know this one.

Your husband was very
excited to buy this for you.

Are you here to have it sized for
that delicate little neck of yours?

- No, um, I'm here to return it.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

Is it not to your liking?

- Actually, I love it.

It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen,

let alone owned.

It's... just, um,

it's not very me.

- I see.

You know, my dear,

your husband certainly
thought it was you.

Can I offer you a little
advice, woman-to-woman?

- Yes, of course. [chuckles]

[Irene clears throat]

- The man who bought
this for you believes

you are this woman.

Why not be her?

♪ Talking Heads'
Slippery People playing ♪

[door creaks]

[door closes]

Remember that time that you
faked the church group protest?

[blinds rattling]

Well, it kind of turned me on.

♪ What about the time? ♪

♪ You were rolling over ♪

♪ Fall on your face ♪

- I'll call you back.

[receiver clatters]

IRENE: Steve.

♪ Think of a time ♪

♪ You'd best believe ♪

♪ This thing is real ♪

♪ Put away that g*n ♪

I don't mind that
you do shady things,

but I will not allow
you to do them badly.

[Steve breathes heavily]

♪ God help us ♪

♪ Help us lose our minds ♪

- You kept it.
- I kept it.

STEVE: This is an amazing idea.

IRENE: It's vodka.

Two sips and nobody'll
know the difference.

- That one.
[Irene sighs]

- Is anybody here?

- No, it's just us.
- Oh.

I got cocaine.

- What?
- Yeah, hold on.

- Wait, why?

- Because it's fun
and we're rich.

I think that's what
you're supposed to do.

[gasps] Okay, here.

I feel like Bonnie
and Clyde. [chuckles]

I don't wanna get in trouble.

[Irene sighs]

- Hey, Reenie.
- Yeah?

- We're going to get
through this together.

♪ He's all right ♪

♪ I'll see his face ♪

- I know.

[kisses]

Oh, that's too much. [chuckles]

- Can we put some back in there?

- Oh, I think... Okay,
you do half and I do half.

One, two, three.

[both sniffing]

[Irene coughs]

Do you still feel the coke?

- Yeah, I do.

♪ The water was running out ♪

♪ Cool down ♪

♪ Stop acting crazy ♪
[door slams]

[objects clattering]

- Wait.

No more secrets. No more lies.

And if you hurt anybody
else, I'm gonna hurt you.

[slaps] [Steve exhales]

You okay?
- Oh, I like that.

- Raise your right hand. Put
your left hand on the bible.

Do you solemnly swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the
truth, so help you God?

- I do.

♪ Love from the
bottom to the top ♪

♪ Turn like a wheel ♪

♪ He's all right ♪

♪ See for yourself ♪

♪ The Lord won't mind ♪

- Have you ever heard of
a Chippendales VIP card?

- I have never heard
of these VIP cards.

CHERYL: Have you ever
heard of a VIP membership?

STEVE: I have never heard
of any membership program

associated with Chippendales.

CHERYL: So what you are saying
is that there is no such thing

as a Chippendales VIP card
or program, is that correct?

- Yes.

That is the first time I have
seen that card in my whole life.

I know nothing about a VIP card.

I am not aware of any
such program at my club.

I do not remember.

I do not recall.

Not to my knowledge.

- Tell nothing but the
truth, so help you God?

DON: When we arrived at the front
door, the doorman had told us that

there was a VIP membership
necessary in order for me to enter.

I saw plenty of people
going in without VIP cards.

The only difference is
that they were white.

[crowd murmuring]

♪ tense music playing ♪

[inaudible dialogue]

[inaudible dialogue]

[inaudible dialogue]

♪ tense music playing ♪

♪

♪

[inaudible dialogue]

[inaudible dialogue]

♪

STEVE: We have to appeal.

IRENE: Can we appeal?
- What is there to appeal?

- I don't care, we
have to fight this.

- Uh, what should we do?

I mean, Cheryl, what would
you advise that we do?

- My advice, Chapter 11.
- What?

- It'll buy you protection from
creditors while you reorganize.

- I am not going to
declare bankruptcy, Cheryl.

- It could help us
keep the lights on.

- Irene, what? No.
- It's a smart move.

- It's an admission of failure.

- Steve, we may
not have a choice.

- If we declare,
will people know?

CHERYL: You mean
like the public?

- Yes.

- I mean, yeah.

Chapter 11s are public record.

- So it could be covered in
newspapers and things like that?

- Chippendales declaring
bankruptcy? I would say so.

- Then, no.

Irene,

the calendar comes
out in a few weeks.

It's going to sell really well,

and then all of this
will be a distant memory.

Can we please just, please
just not talk about bankruptcy

until the calendar's
out, please?

Please?

- Yeah.

- [Steve sniffs] Thank you.

- We'll wait.
- We'll wait.

[bottle cap rattles]

[alcohol sloshing]

[crowd cheering]

[sighs]

[crowd continues cheering]

[envelopes rustling]

STEVE: It's crazy.

How much are they making?

IRENE: Apparently a lot.

[sighs]

This still doesn't
solve our problems.

- But it's a start.

Come here.

Still think the
tour was a bad idea?

- I never said it
was a bad idea.

- You meant it.
- No, I didn't.

- You wanted to say it.
[Irene laughs]

You did. [Irene laughs]

Don't deny it.
- I didn't say that.

I never, I never, I never said.

I should have. [Steve laughs]

- Your eyes said it. I
know your eyes pretty well.

Give your business-savvy
husband a kiss.

♪ Beneath the bebop moon ♪

♪ I want to croon with you ♪

IRENE: Call me when
you get to work.

[Irene sighs]

- You know what that is?
- No.

- It's our calendars.

IRENE: Are you serious?
- Yes.

IRENE: Wow, did you
put a rush on them?

STEVE: Yes, of course,
I did, I told you.

Special delivery!

[dancers chattering]

- Hot off the presses. DANCER:
Is that what I think it is?

- Yeah, there you go.

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

Makes a great stocking stuffer.

RAY: Oh, beautiful, boss.

STEVE: Oh, that stocking
sure is stuffed.

I know that's not real.

[group laughing]

It's all lies down
there. [laughs]

- It's beautiful,
boss. It's beautiful.

DANCER: What about me?
- Preorders are through the roof.

I'm getting calls from
states I never heard of.

Did you know that there
is a West Virginia?

DANCER: Yeah.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

STEVE: You knew that?
- Wait.

- What? What's the matter? Did
they sh**t you from your bad side?

[dancers laughing]
MARLON: What's the deal?

- With what? MARLON: The days!

STEVE: What do you mean?

- There's 31 of them.

- That's right.
July has 31 days!

Very good, Marlon.

Very good! Clap,
clap, clap for Marlon.

Clap, clap, clap.

- There's also 31
days on every month.

- No.
- Isn't that how it's supposed to be?

RAY: Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[calendars rustling]

DANCER: Are they all like this?

- Boss, where are
the other boxes?

♪ Suspenseful music playing ♪

[brakes squealing]

♪

- Oh f*ck.
- Steve!

Hey, what are you doing?

[Steve grunts]
What's happening?

How did this happen?

- I don't know.
[baby crying]

- Well, didn't you check it
before it went to the press?

- Yes, I checked! Of
course, I checked!

- How many are like this? How many
have already been printed like this?

DARRELL [on phone]: Banerjee Print Works.
- Stop the presses right now!

DARRELL: Steve?
- The calendars,

there's a printing
error in the calendars.

DARRELL: Wait, wait,
wait, hold up, slow down.

- How many have
you printed so far?

How many of the calendars
have you printed so far?

DARRELL: What? How many?
- What's he saying?

- Of the 500,000, how many
have you printed so far?

- I mean [sighs]

all of them.

[baby crying]

MR. BANERJEE: Tell me, Somen,

what's the number
one rule of printing?

[paper rustles]

IRENE: There's always something
that, that we can figure out.

We're gonna figure it out.

Everything's gonna be okay.
There's always a way to fix it.

We can fix it.

- I think it's time to file.

[Steve sniffles]

[Irene sighs]

[knocking on door]

RAY: This a bad time, boss?

- Oh, no, no, no, come on in.

What can I do for you, Ray?

- Yeah, I guess I, uh...

Uh, so me and everybody,
we was just wondering...

- Is the club shutting down?

[Ray laughs]

RAY: That.
- Absolutely not.

RAY: Oh.

- You know, Chapter 11, it's an
extremely misunderstood thing.

Companies, perfectly healthy
companies, do it all the time.

Listen, I'm sure it's difficult

to understand all these
complex fiscal matters,

but what I'm telling you
is everything is fine.

- Yeah?

STEVE: Yeah.

[Ray sighs, laughs]

- 'Cause the way the
article made it sound...

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

RAY: And plus with
the calendar mix-up...

- Oh, don't worry about
that. Any of that.

- Here, I brought you the
mail. STEVE: Thank you, Ray.

[envelope rustles]

♪ ominous music playing ♪

♪

IRENE: That's even
bigger than the last one.

- I didn't know touring
could be so lucrative.

- Me neither.

That's just our half.

Oh, thank God for this tour.

It's the best thing we've
got going right now.

[Irene sighs]

RAY: Boss, man, it was crazy.

There must have been about


- Two thousand?

RAY: At least,
probably, maybe more.

- They're playing places
like this every night?

RAY: Every f*cking night.

Yo, I grabbed a thingy.

Detroit, Atlanta, St. Louis.

I feel like Nick
kind of played you.

Like, he wasn't straight with you
about how big this was gonna be.

How you even know he's being real with
you about how much money's coming in?

It could be ten
times the amount.

I mean, by the
looks of things...

something ain't right.

STEVE: Nick is
probably cheating us.

- Nick would never cheat us.

- We have no idea how
much money is coming in.

He's playing big, big theaters.

- You sound completely
cuckoo right now.

- We don't have access
to the accounting, Irene.

We just have to trust that this
f*cking guy is telling us the truth.

- The contract gives us
access to the accounting.

- There's no contract. It's
just a silly little napkin.

- A napkin?

- Yeah, we were at House of Pies, and
we just, like, did it on a napkin.

- You didn't have a lawyer handle
it? You didn't have Cheryl?

- I did not feel
it was necessary.

It's fine. It's fine,
it's just a napkin.

It's not a real contract.

CHERYL: This is 100
percent a real contract.

Toilet paper, pizza
box, ticket stubs,

as long as it's in
writing, it is a contract.

- That's absurd.
- Yeah, well, regardless, you're stuck.

- For how long? I mean,
when does it expire?

CHERYL: [scoffs] Honey.

[paper rustles]

- "In perpetuity"?

You signed in perpetuity?

You don't know what that means.

- He tricked me!

He used a word that he
knew I wouldn't know

because nobody knows that word.

Did you know that word?

- No!
- No.

And now he controls
touring rights.

He controls my touring
rights forever.

That's what perpetuity means!

It means forever!

RAY: It's f*cked up, yo.

Like, super f*cked up.
Like, really f*cked up.

[bottle clatters]

♪

♪

♪

RAY: Hey, a call for you, boss.

Line three.

What do you want?

MRS. BANERJEE: Male
stripping, huh?

Alright, Ma.

"Steve Banerjee, the
owner of Chippendales,

"the west LA night spot known

for its exotic male dancing
and legal troubles."

Somen...

- It was.

MRS. BANERJEE: Well, apparently,
it's a male stripping club now,

and a highly
disreputable one at that.

"Criminality,
financial chicanery,

all manner of corruption and
vice." STEVE: Are you done?

- "Safety violations,

conflict with the fire
department, lawsuits."

- What do you want
me to say, Ma?

- It's not.

[Mrs. Banerjee sighs]

- Somen, you have...

- Brought shame to
the family name.

The thought that this is
what I left India for,

that this is what I abandoned
the family business for,

it's shameful.

MRS. BANERJEE: It is.

- It fills you with sadness.

- And anger.

- The only saving grace
is that father was,

that father was not alive
long enough to witness it.

- Yeah. Very much so.

- Anything else?

[slams receiver]

[slams receiver]

♪ ominous music playing ♪

♪

[inhales, exhales]

♪

[sobs]

[sniffles]

RAY: Boss, these guys
broke the shower again.

I fixed it, but can you
have a talk with them?

- Yeah. RAY: You
cool if I go home?

- Yes, you can go. RAY: Okay.

[sobbing]

[inhales]

[exhales]

[banging on table]

[exhales]

[photograph rustles]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ upbeat music ♪

♪ I'm not going
down on my knees ♪

♪ Begging you to adore me ♪

♪ Can't you see it's misery ♪

♪ And t*rture for me ♪

♪ When I'm misunderstood ♪

♪ Try as hard as you can ♪

♪ I've tried as
hard as I could ♪

♪ To make you see ♪

♪ How important it is for me ♪

♪ Here is a plea ♪

♪ From my heart to you ♪

♪ Nobody knows me ♪

♪ As well as you do ♪

♪ You know how
hard it is for me ♪

♪ To shake the disease ♪

♪ That takes hold of my tongue ♪

♪ In situations like these ♪

♪ Understand me ♪

♪ Understand me ♪

♪ Understand me ♪

♪ Understand me ♪