01x03 - Office Party

[bunniefuu]

Queen of Hearts.

Queen of Hearts.

Queen of Farts.

Ohh hey guys. Ohh. Hey, neighbor, Where's

Stacy and Jennifer? What do you think?

We do everything together just because

we're roommates? I mean, how lame would

that be?That

would be really lame. Ohh what can we do

you for Amy? Ohh I was just on my way out

and I snapped the heel off my shoe. I was

wondering if you guys have any crazy

glue? I'm sure we have some around here

somewhere.

So are you doing just a little office

party?Yeah, they're throwing a party

because they just landed this big new

account.

I mean, it's a work thing. It's going to

be a total fool. Honestly

I wouldn't even go if I didn't have to

go. Kind of show my face. I think it

sounds fun. Ohh wow. You guys

really don't have to go through all that

trouble. No trouble at all.

Found it, thanks ohh. Can we

come to the party?

I guess.

Let's go one second, guys.

Ready.

Nice.

Look, you guys, this is kind of an

important night for me, so I really need

you to be on your best behavior, OK? Do

not step Buffalo wings in your face or in

your pockets and do not. On anybody

OK, Seriously. OK.

Mike gets the dip. Warm room

temperature.

Hi, Amy. Hey, Tanya. What's

your name?

Who are your friends?

Good evening. I'm Michael Showalter. So

what brings you to this little

soiree? I work here. Ohh, touché.

You've made worms meat of me.

That's your workspace.

Yeah, if I take her out for a test drive.



Sort of like word jazz. Jazz

with the words, like you said,

martini with the kini kini kini,

martini, weenie, weenie.

Chicken wing Ding Ding Ding.

Good. Actually tomorrow I'm going to go

back on Fat Free. Yeah, right. Ain't

going to happen now. Just throw your

hands in the air and wave it like

you just don't care. And if you believe

that you're the future, screen that out

and say ohh yeah.

Hello, do I have to download?

Yeah. Hey, you ever do this? You ever do

this? Man, I do that all the time if I

worked here.

I like the way she handles.

Where you going? What about those

commercials you see on TV? Have you seen

Where's the beef? Where's the beef? Ohh,

what about this one? That's a spicy

meatball.

It's always been friends. I am sick and

tired of Tonya Harding. I don't wanna

hear it. It's like let her let her fry

concert buddy. Ohh, that's a great suit.

Although, you know, I think you might be

a week early. Bar Mitzvah is not till

next weekend. David, this

is Greg and Ansel. They're the guys that

just got us a big no account and they're

also my son. Ohh. Don't think of us as

your bosses, Amy. We're just the guys

that hold your entire future in her

hands. Ohh. Party

people, we're having the best time. It's

Greg and Ansel. This is ohh, no, I

recognize him. **** and head right. You

think that's right? I think so. I think

so. Seriously, though, Party crashers his

employees on that. They came with me,

Greg. They're my neighbors. Really weird

living next to a special Ed class.

Now we're look, we're playing around

seriously. That's funny. You

should come to our company picnic next

week. Really. Yeah. We're gonna have pony

rides and we're gonna need people to

clean up the poop. Ohh. Although judging

by the looks of it, you 3. I

don't know if you're qualified, but Yeah,

but we aren't qualified. Look, the hour

grows late, so we'll take.

Ohh yeah, why don't you take it back to

the hole you crawled out of, losers.

Excuse me?

Why do you guys have to be such jerks?

They're playing along. But.

Hello. Hi, it's David. Who? Who is this?

I don't know any David, David Wayne. Ohh.

Hey, what's up with those guys at the

party? Mean They were really mean. What

have we ever do to them? Ohh, hold on. I

have another call. Hey guys, it's Mike.

Hey, Mike. Dave and I were just talking

about how mean those guys were. We have

to do something to get back. We should go

to that company picnic of theirs and show

those guys who the real losers are. Them.

Them are the real losers. That's a great

idea. But they've never let us in. Not if

they don't know it's us. David, do you

still have that friend who makes fake

mustaches? Gerry Meadows? Yeah, sure. But

I hold on. Hold on. Hey, Mike, it's

Keisha. Hey, girl. What's wrong? You

sound upset. I just had a bad night.

That's all. Now hold on a SEC. Hey,

girls, it's Wendy that win win. Hey, did

you see Joel tonight? Yeah, and he was

looking. What's up, y'all? Hey, girl.

Hey, everyone. Did you see Gerald

tonight? He was looking fine.

I'm right here.

God bless you.

This place is creeping me out. And you

guys should. This is such a good idea.

Look, do you want to get back to those

office jerks or not? Yeah. OK. Well,

then, you know we're gonna need to get

some fake mustaches. Come on.

OK, just be cool.

It's David. I've

got my chance. Let me call you back.

Wait, let's speed up the carpet here.

Now, now, now. Place looks great. Yeah,

I've been doing a lot of work on. We just

put all this in. Come on back. I just got

some incredible news today.

You're right.

Turn around. Turn

around.

Stupid.

OK, take a look.

This is really nice stuff man.

Share this blog and you got your doesn't

do right.

What are you doing? Go back to bed,

China. I'm bored, I said. Go back to

bed China now.

Whatever. Hey, Gary,

how come you don't wear a mustache?

Because I don't use my own stuff, man.

That's why. And we're going to do this or

not. Yeah, Yeah.

Here. Thanks.

Hey, how you guys fixed for

wheels? Wheels wouldn't let you have

in mind.

Who are those guys?

Whoa, whoa. Sorry, guys. Employees

only. We are employees. Yeah,

we're from the Houston office.

Houston. Vote right? They didn't

know we had an office in Houston. Yeah,

we play hockey there with Prime Minister

Pierre Trudeau. Yeah. You guys are from

Houston? Want to have Canadian accents

take off, you hoser. Yeah.

Keep an eye out on our friends from the

Lone Star State. There might be more to

those guys than meets the eye.

May I have your attention please? As CEO

of this company, it gives me great

pleasure to welcome all of you to our

annual company picnic. We're

all going to have a great day of

food and fun, so without further ado, let

the games begin.





It gives me great honor to present

the three gentlemen from our Houston

office with this grand trophy for best

all around athletes.

Gentlemen, congratulations.

Thank you.

There's just one thing we'd like to say

to everyone at the company picnic. You

can take these medals and shove them up

your ****.

We were losers. We're not losers.

You're losers. We're winners. We won

the games you'll lose the games

you'll lose. Get them come out.

Wait, wait, hold on right there.

I don't know who you guys

are or how you managed to

sneak into our picnic, but I

like your attitude. In fact, it's

exactly that kind of maverick spirit

our company needs. How would you like to

come work for me?I'm putting

you in charge of the big account.

Mr. Lyons, we're in charge of that big

account. Not anymore, you're not. Now you

work for these guys. Yeah. And from now

on, we're going to make your lives a

living hell just as soon as we clean

up all that pony poop.

Wait, wait.

First day of our new job, huh? Yep. Are

you going to wait to the office show? I

don't know about you. What are you going

to wear? Yeah, What do people wear to the

office anyway?

Nothing. Where are those files? Applebee

hold my call Marvin? I need something

too. Well, as I'm sure

Amy's told you, we have our big client

presentation today at 3. Ansel and I put

these binders together that you know,

shows the market research and the

demographic.

We won't be needing this. But, but, but

what, Greg? Chicken ****. Is that what it

is? Greg? The only thing I'm gonna need

from you guys right now is a cup of

coffee. I take mine the same way I take

my women. Strong, black and proud.

You guys, that was so awesome. Now we

really should get to work and get ready

for the meeting. But first, Amy, I want

you to take a little dictation. Also,

sweetheart, tomorrow I'd love to see you

wearing something a little friendlier to

work, if you know what I mean.

I can't believe I actually felt sorry for

you guys.

Lunch. Yeah.

It's almost 4:00. Where are they? They

went for lunch at 9:30 this morning

and haven't come back. Right.

But we haven't given you waiting. You

most certainly did. To make a point, Sir,

to make a point. And that point is

today's global economy waits for no man.

Interconnectivity, Synergy,

synchronicity. Zenyatta, Mondatta, The

Dream of the Blue Turtles. Simon

and Garfunkel's greatest hits Gentleman.

Observe what I do with this

large jar of applesauce.

Lights please.

Today's global business climate is

like. Whatever, dude.

Woo. We've prepared a

little presentation which we

think you'll find very

informative.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Yes.



No.

In conclusion, continued economic

growth. Building a bridge

to the 21st century. Tippecanoe and

Tyler too. Thank you very much.

I hated that so much. Jim.

That is the worst presentation I've

ever heard. You 3 are fired.

Hiring you based on your performance at

the potato sack race was the worst

decision I ever made. Now pack your

things and go. That's how fast. Jim. As

long as I'm the chairman of the board,

I'll decide who stays and who goes.

You're the one who's fired. But Bob, Not

so fast, Bob. I'm the DA and I'm placing

you under arrest for corrupt business

practices. Well, not so fast, Madam. TA,

Mr. Mayor. That's right. I'm the mayor.

I'm afraid you're the one who's fired.

Not so fast, Mr. Mayor. We are the

citizenry, and in a democracy, it's the

citizens who have the ultimate authority.

Ohio.

America is the greatest country in the

world. Think of all the great things that

have come from America rugby, chicken

tikka masala, Chinese people, Harry

Potter, rubber ba*ls and liquor. Then I

say something we may not be the three

greatest employees in the world, but

there's somebody who's done nothing but

give everything she's. Back to this

company, no matter what, even when she's

got that little cold sore on her lip that

she gets really self-conscious about. Her

name is Amy and she's not only the

greatest employee that this company has

ever had, but she's also the greatest

neighbor that these three Shalom meals

could ever ask for. You're right, Amy, as

mayor of this town. I hereby put you

in charge of the big account. Ohh. Thank

you. So, Mr. Mayor, it seems you finally

learned your lesson, huh? But in this

nation, the only real power is the power

of friendship. And I owe you a debt

of thanks. And to show my gratitude, may

I present to you the key. To the

city. And this

gift basket from The Body Shop. Ohh,

it's perfect. It's perfect. Well, I only

have one, so you'll have to split.

Ohh, don't worry about that. I'll take

the back beat the cocoa butter.

Praise God.

Withdraw.

To shout.

Yeah, man, corporate world just wasn't

for us, you know? That's where I worked

for myself, man. Hey,

Gary. So you got yourself a sweet

new stash. Yeah. You lag. Yeah, it's

sweet. I thought you said you didn't

use your own stuff. I don't.

This is the real deal,

my man. Come on. Come

on. Ohh, Yeah, way. Give

it a tug. I'll give

it a tug like that.

That thing reaching. Come on,

God. What

are you doing? That's why I've heard

of a Bloody Mary. But a bloody

Gary?

You guys are funny. Come on, show

it to me.

Larious. What are weekends like at the

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with a hot asss band. People drinking, a

little cussing. Ain't nothing like the

dancing weekends that the deal. Get Your

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Show on Comedy Central.