01x10 - Amusement Park

[bunniefuu]

Come on you guys, let's go already.

Boy, oh boy, I can't believe the girls

downstairs bought us tickets to the

amusement park. Yeah, that was very nice

of them, wasn't it? Well, yeah, Things

been a little tense between the three of

us lately. They have fun. Would do us

good. Yeah. Three

guys. When I ride that roller

coaster today, I'm going to be like, ohh,

except my arms are going to be up. It's

going to be like. Ohh, when I get

on that log flume, I'm gonna get so wet,

my panties are gonna get so wet. I'm

gonna have so many old fashioned

photographs taken of myself wearing Wild

West clothing. It's gonna be sick. I've

been so excited about going to the

amusement park. I've been practicing.

Look. I've been practicing too. Look. Hey

you guys, if we leave. Right now we can

get there just as the park is opening.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Do you guys think I'm just appropriately

for the amusement park? Well, Mike, I do

notice one glaring omission. ***** pack.

I think ***** packs look dumb. Excuse me,

Do I look dumb? I do think you look dumb,

David. You look like a dumb, Dumber, dumb

dodo bird. Like a dumb. You look like

you're a dumb, flightless dodo bird. Stop

fighting. We promised we wouldn't fight

today, didn't we?Yes, we

did, and I apologize. Now come on, we

have a date today with a lady named Fun.

She's a Korean lady. Fun is a popular

name. Let's go guys. Let's have the best

day of our lives.

One day to go out and have some fun and I

had to go and rain on us. That is just

perfect. Well, maybe it won't rain all

day. Yeah, maybe they'll clear up. In

fact, I think I hear it's stopping now.

Let's see what the weather man has to say

with rain accumulating throughout the day

and into the night. A flood watch is

in effect for the following counties.

Springboro, Orange Doo Doo **** Fairmont.

Try a different channel. Yeah, maybe a

different channel at different weather.

I hope everyone's got

their squeaky toys and

pooper scoopers because it's

raining cats and dogs,

folks. In your days,

Iona, Guacero Loco, Los, Estados Unidos

and now for the Martian weather report.

Clear skies on Mars,

rain on Earth.

Stupid Martian. Face it, guys, our day is

ruined. What are we going to do? I just

want to curl up in a ball and die. I feel

the same way. You're bummed out, right?

No, I want you to curl up in a ball and

die. What's the funny, David?

What the hell is so funny? The rain can't

stop us from going to the amusement park.

Dude, if you don't start making sense

right now, I'm taking out my Wiener and

I'm going to slap you down. Michael, come

on. We said we wouldn't fight. Don't you

see, guys? The greatest amusement park in

the world is right here in our apartment.

It is. Of course, in our imaginations.

For example, when I look around, what do

I see? I don't see a couch right here.

No, I see a roller coaster. Can you see

it, Mike? Yeah, sure. This old chair.

It's not an old chair. It's a it's a

carousel Force. I think you've got it.

Can you see it? My Sure. Sure. This.

The table, it's a different table.

Exactly. With our imaginations, we can go

anywhere we want and no amount of rain

can stop that. Now come on guys, let's go

to the amusement park in our minds.



Guys, this isn't working. It's imaginary.

Amusement park is stupid and the food is

overpriced, just like your nose job.

David, I had to have a rhinoplasty

because I had a deviated septum and you

know that. Mike, are you going to tell me

that?She wasn't cosmetic, David. You look

like snuffaluffagus. Yeah, look at this.

Hey, where'd you get that? Were you

looking through my stuff again? I was

looking for my insoles, which you

borrowed and never returned. You're 1 to

talk, Mike, What about that Taco you

borrowed from me? You said I could have

that Taco guys are the worst roommates.

And you told me I could have that Taco.

Said can I borrow that? You got.

That's right. Ohh herself. Think

what? You guys up here yelling all the

time? What are you wearing? Hippo

costume. We bought you those tickets to

the amusement park so you guys could

spend the day together and hopefully

learn to get along again. But obviously

you need stronger medicine than a day

out. You guys should see a psychiatrist.

How is it put? Doctor gonna help us.

Yeah, I don't need some quack doctors

sticking his finger up. But I don't think

that's the kind of doctor she was talking

about. Well, that's the only kind of

doctor I've ever been to. I don't even

think he was a doctor. And furthermore,

I'm pretty sure that wasn't his finger.

You guys psychiatrist can help sort out

your interpersonal conflicts. But we're

fine, right, guys? Yeah. That's denial.

That's denial. Well, you're in Dewey, so

I think you should get out of apartment.

Well, if you change your mind, here's the

number of a therapist I know. His name is

Doctor Hirshorn.

Hey, Mike. Yeah.

Here's your Taco.

Thanks.

There has never been a therapist before.

Me neither. I had hydrotherapy once for

my delts. Shredded my delts doing a

snatching grab. Kind of scared. What are

you scared of? I don't know, what if I

recover?Repressed memories of being

molested by my babysitter truck. Or even

worse, what if the therapist has Bo? By

the way, Chuck was a girl, so I don't

like you guys. There's nothing to be

scared of. All you have to do is talk.

I'm glad you've definitely decided to

come. Unresolved interpersonal conflict

can lead to violence, even madness. Who

would like to go first?

There we go.

So do I start or do

you start or who starts?

Kind of. Trying to find

a good position.

OK. As a child I was very

sickly. I had polio and Alzheimer's and

cancer and lupus. And so I was

usually bedridden with at least two of

those things. What's going

on with you guys? OK, I mean, I'll OK if

this is me and this is my roommates, this

I guess this is what I would do to them.

Because I'm so angry at them right now.

I'm so angry at you, too. I'm crying.

They're shoulders. Do you see? Now I'm

crying on their laps. There's such a

double standard. Why something have to be

wrong for me to be in therapy? Why can't

everything be right? We fight sometimes a

big deal. So does Mike Tyson. He fights

all the time. And see what's wrong with

that. That's so weird. That's three adult

men would go see a psychiatrist together.

I wanted to go to the amusement park last

weekend, but show suggested we go this

weekend. And now look what happens. It

rains. David was supposed to check the

weather report last night and of course

he forgot. He was too busy with his

Internet dating. I'm a red blooded

American man. With an American thirst for

sax, David zeroes in on the pretty girl.

I'm left with the dumpy chick with the

fat *****. And that's cool, you know? I

like that. I prefer it. Honestly. I don't

even know what I'm complaining about you.

I like to have something to hold, youknow?

But like, that Black has such a

superiority complex. Could be 90° out. He

wears a suit and tie. He's so superior.

Sure. Well, there's a little girl. He's

so aloof. Show it was so oversensitive.

Wayne's a sex addict and a compulsive

masturbator. It's all Michael's fault.

It's all the other Michael's fault. Even

has irritable bowel syndrome. Messy,

loud, rude, considerate, Not

hate them.

So, Doc, what's the prognosis? Not good,

I'm afraid. From what you've each told

me, I rarely seen a more combative,

argumentative, and frankly, immature

relationship. What did he tell me? Did he

tell you about me?

You gentlemen, please tell you

about me about.

Stop.

Umm.



Wow.

Ohh

ohh.

Where are we? Are we in heaven? Check to

see if there's good diver chocolates

nearby. If there are, then yes, we're in

heaven. Guys. It's like, I believe in

heaven, but I don't think it's a city on

a cloud. Like to me, heaven could just be

the sound of a child's laughter. It's

like. I believe in God, you know,

but I'm not sure that God is like an

old man with a long white beard. Guys,

you ever thought about the kind of jam

sessions they must have in heaven? I

mean, on lead guitar. Jimi Hendrix? Yeah.

Playing drums. Keith Moon now lead vocal.

The guy from Blind Melon. What about

Elvis? No, the guy from Blind Melon.

Guys, this isn't heaven. This is

your new home, the Pleasant Valley

Center for Mental Health.

Then. Yeah,

football.

I brought you here because I worried

about your safety and because I thought

your treatment required more drastic

measures. Your problems with each other

clearly run way deeper than I originally

thought. Spooky. What are you going to do

to put our heads and steal our brains?

Only as a last resort gentleman, let's

start with more conventional therapies.

Sometimes verbal communication fails us,

which is why in art therapy we

use painting as a means of expressing

our deepest emotions. This will give you



other nonverbally. And anything we want.

Anything at all. How about if I paint

your fine *****? Yeah, with my tongue

brush.

In Primal Scream Therapy, we are able

to uncover repressed primal pains. By re

experiencing them and giving them

physical expression through screaming.

Kind of scream therapy. I like ice

cream therapy. I'll take rocky road. I

like pralines and cream. No no like

this.

Now you try.

MMM, you're flat. I am not. I

have perfect pitch. You

know, David, you have a tin ear. No, I

do. You do have a teen ear. Went to

Juilliard, Michael. Ohh. Anyway, he's a

he's a classical violinist and I'm a

classical pianist. You're a classical

**** is what you are. Yeah,

bring it up. Let's go. Let's rock and

rock. Ohh, I'd like. And

then my friends, you don't understand me

at all. Not the way that you guys do.

It's like they always tell me like how

pretty I am. You are. You are pretty. I

don't feel pretty. Like when I look in

the mirror, all I see is a fat pig.

OK, I'm just the fattest pig. On the

farm and that's why I don't eat. I'm

a yo-yo Dieter. Like my weight fluctuates

dramatically. Like last year I weighed



more than most elephants. Sometimes I

take salami and I roll it up into a

little straw and then I take the straw

and put it into a cup of chocolate

pudding and then I sucked the chocolate

pudding through the salami straw. Does

that make sense? You just eat and eat

till you're sick to fill an emotional

void? Well, no, I eat until I'm full.

Gonna go for a job, you guys. You're

in the wrong place. You don't have eating

disorders. Ohh. OK. Bye, guys. Bye. Good

luck with that. You know, hypnosis is a

serious tool used to uncover repressed

psychological pain. The only serious till

I can see in this room, Doctor Shrinky

ba*ls is you. If this is your

roundabout way of trying to get me to

crow like a rooster, like I'm totally

happy to do that without hypnosis.

c*ck Doo see that no skin off my

back. I should tell you that I'm very

responsive to hypnotic suggestion. God,

it's really hot in here. Dirty

dog, you just hypnotize me into taking my

clothes off. What I'd like to do is use

hypnosis to go back to the root cause of

all your conflicts. Can you do that?

Yeah, I think we could try it. Give it a

shot. I mean, I definitely be willing to

try it. First. I need you to take

comfortable positions.

Now I want you to focus on

my voice. Allow yourself to relax. Your

arms are growing heavy. Your head is

growing heavy. When I count back from

three, I want you to go back

to the first argument you ever had.





Ohh, what do you see? I see

a village people. The village people.

David, the one who broke the black dead.

You can't. Let us explain. Yes, we

brought disease rats to your village and

that was wrong of us to do and that will

be the first person to admit it, but.

Boom boom boom burn burn burn burn burn.

I don't want to die to tell the truth,

you stupid cry baby. The truth is it was

your idea to bring the. That's my get off

your pulpit. Hey, Blake And I was just

trying to make us some gelding. Yeah.

Doesn't know any better. He was too busy.

Probably cause in the matter with the

constable star he is damnable. But Bailey

Square Black. You'd be a fluffy Molly

Coddler. He be mulling Applejack. Wake

up. I hate you. I hate you too. I hate

both of you. Gentlemen enough. James had

to say that all conventional methods of

therapy have failed. You are truly beyond

hope. We're going to have to try our

newer, more radical methods. Radical. I

like the sound of that. But hey, you

heard Toka, you listen to fish.

Hey, what you doing? What you guys do for

me? What is it? Feeding time at the zoo?

No respect here. What's the big idea with

these £250 g*ons? They seem more more

like 280 LB g*ons to me. What are you

guys? Car bloating? We've exhausted every

course of treatment known to science and

still you refuse to cooperate. As such,

you leave me no choice.

My God, you're not a psychiatrist at all

About you, Doctor Hirshorn. You're an

interior designer, and I love what you've

done with the place. Yeah, kind of a

shabby chic thing, right? Gentlemen,

welcome to your worst nightmare. Let me

guess, it's the first day of high school

and I'm not wearing any pants.

You like this change? What's going

on, Doctor Hirschhorn? We're going to

perform a little experiment on your

frontal lobe. What kind of experiment?

The really scary kind.

You guys don't know if we're going to get

out of here with our brains in one piece.

Actually, Michael, your brain is already

in two pieces, left and right hemisphere,

before we get out of here alive. I'll

never take our friendship for granted

ever again. I won't either at first.

After a while, I probably will. I guess

this is it guys. I'll see you in

the funny papers. I just wanna tell you

both. You'll always be my best friend.

Whoa, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey. Where you going? What? What are you

doing? What we're going on. I thought you

going to cut open our brain, doctor.

Girls, what are you doing here?

Hey, what's going on here? Doctor Who's

trying to explain? My name isn't Doctor

Hirshorn. Allow me to introduce myself.

Dan Wasserman. I'm an actor. I recognize

you. You were on an episode of

Chicago. Ohh, God,

got your character was such a jerk. I

love playing the jerk. That's why I

jumped at the chance to play Doctor

Hershorn. Wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute. Dan, if you're an actor,

then are you saying all of this was

evening? Gentlemen, my name is Justin

Lord, CEO and president of Ultimate

Amusements, Inc. And what you have just

experienced is the ultimate in virtual

reality. Why? Because it is reality. We

provided everything from the rain to

medieval flashback to our crack team of

fake weatherman.

When you're downstairs neighbors came to

us and told us that you weren't really

getting along. We knew exactly what ride

to put you on. It's one of our

latest attractions. We call it the

Friendship. Friendship ride, right? And

to prepare for your adventure, I've been

observing you for quite a while now.

Yes, I remember you really did get you

tickets to the amusement park. The

amusement park of the mind.

We did it. We did

it together.

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