02x02 - Anyone Will Do

[bunniefuu]

Are you familiar with Murphy's law?

The one that states if anything

can go wrong, it probably will?

It's not real.

- [audio rewinding]

- [Gianna] Umberto!

I mean, yes,

everything did go wrong yesterday,

but, you know, the magic of Christmas

beats that silly Murphy's law.

[lively, eccentric music playing]

21 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS

SILVIA AND GIULIO

[Gianna] Yes, I know,

there are some problems.

MARGHERITA AND GUIDO

And let's face it, compared to how things

have been going, they can only get better.

But my Christmas dinner

will fix everything.

I HOPE TO SEE YOU ON CHRISTMAS EVE

TO CELEBRATE AT MINE. DON'T MISS IT!

BELOTTI'S DELICATESSEN

MUM AND DAD

Deep down,

our sense of family bond is still strong.

And when one of us calls upon it,

the others respond.

More or less.

So, I'm carrying on with confidence.

My Christmas dinner will fix everything.

[music halts]

I'm going to hand it to Umberto.

Maybe like [chuckles coyly]

Or [calmly] "There".

Or

You can't refuse

an invitation to Christmas dinner.

Plus it'll be after

I've asked for forgiveness, so

That's something you've already done.

Yes, but I need to do it again.

More forgiveness.

You could try and ask in Finnish

or whilst hopping on your left leg.

It's worth a go.

Listen, I'm the one in the wrong,

so now I have to be

much more caring, loving, patient

And a pushover, hmm?

- No.

- [doorbell ringing]

- That's Umberto!

- Umberto?

It's Umberto! It's Umberto!

- How can you

- I knew it!

No, it's just he could sense

the intentions.

Intentions?

You haven't done anything yet.

What intentions?

[zany, upbeat music playing]

- Hiya.

- Oh, hi.

Monica and I made you a cake to express

our thanks to you for the magnets,

but but you don't have a sweet tooth

- No! No, no.

- It's the gluten?

- No, I enjoy gluten. Thanks.

- Hiya.

- Hi.

- Hi. We met at the bar. My name is Didi.

I also live here.

Yes, I live we live there,

myself and Monica.

- Ah, the neighbour, the one

- [Gianna] Yes.

Don't worry

Yes. I know you could probably could do

better on the neighbours front, actually

Actually, while I'm here, if I may,

I'll leave you my keys. I hope it's okay.

You don't know how many times

I've locked myself out.

I don't really think that's

I don't think there's anything wrong

with that. It happens to us all the time.

Actually, take ours too,

then if you and Monica, his daughter,

can visit whenever they want.

[disbelieving laughter]

Sorry. So, the 15-year-old

That's so funny!

Thank you very much for the cake.

Thanks. Bye, Filippo.

Bye! Sorry!

Sorry. You could've let me explain though.

Now I look like a psychopath.

What's there to explain? You mean

that I thought he was a paedophile?

But he would be good

for making Umberto jealous. He's a bit

So to make up for one mistake,

I make another one. No.

now I need to make Umberto feel wanted,

and act more cutesy.

Cutesy?

I HATE CHRISTMAS 2

[buzzer buzzing]

- [man] Who is it?

- Hi, it's me.

I know you're angry with me. But I swear,

if you let me in, you'll forgive me.

Imagine telling our children one day,

"Do you remember

when silly Mummy kissed Santa?"

- Picture it that way.

- [man] Santa Claus?

You should be ashamed!

Excuse me, uh, who is who's that?

Excuse me, who are you?

You're the one who buzzed me.

Yes, actually, I made a mistake.

My apologies, I pressed the wrong button.

Goodbye.

[buzzing]

[eccentric, funky music playing]

Anyway, I saw Dr Menghini leave early.

He said he'd changed his shift.

Ah, okay.

And now I understand why he did it.

[eccentric, funky music continuing]

[music trails off]

He's just finished.

Huh?

He asked me to change his shifts.

I wasn't born yesterday.

Uh Okay, listen.

Would it be possible to change mine too?

I just need to speak to him quickly.

Just a swap.

I can't do that.

And don't ask me

to get involved in your disputes.

No, actually, you're right, I'm sorry.

I can tell you that there's

a colleague on leave from tomorrow though.

You could always do a double shift.

Uh, no, no, thanks.

I'll find a way.

I MISS YOU. CALL ME WHEN YOU CAN?

JUST SO WE CAN TALK. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

PLEASE I CAN EXPLAIN.

IT CAN'T END THIS WAY.

Good morning.

If only.

Yeah, right.

I've had better days too, hey.

But also worse ones.

Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I apologise.

I really didn't mean to.

It's true that everything's

gone wrong and I was dumped,

but, you know,

that's not wrong to this extent.

I mean, not that this is wrong.

Obviously, it's, uh

- Can I start again? I'm sorry.

- [chuckles]

I'm Gianna, I don't usually

act this way, I'll be your nurse,

and I've made myself look completely

like a complete fool. Gianna.

Stella. Nice to meet you.

Anyway, don't worry.

I mean, being dumped is horrible.

I can understand if you're down.

But the good thing is,

if you're feeling down,

then you can only feel better.

[quirky music playing]

[phone chimes]

I'M TOO ANGRY TO TALK.

Seems you're having a poor time though.

Look at it this way.

When you hit rock bottom,

liberation comes next.

Pollyanna.

You know that girl from the cartoon

who always sees

the positive side of every tragedy?

No? Well, anyways, Stella put me

in the right frame of mind,

because she reminded me

of the significant difference

between her personal tragedy

and my tragedy.

I mean, a leg can't grow back,

but a strong romance can still heal.

It's not that hard.

I'll do double shifts, I'll carry on

organising the Christmas dinner, and

Hmm. Well, I didn't really like

Pollyanna that much anyway, so, uh

[warm, lilting music playing]

[Gianna] Hi, Mum.

Hi, sweetheart.

So, it's true.

You live on a boat.

Yes. Pretty, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- My friend from Pilates lent it to me.

I've always wanted to be free

and, well, travel the world

Mum, but you don't know how to sail.

Gianna, you always were a pedantic child.

Anyway, I'm here

because I wanted to ask about the dinner.

What dinner? Oh, yes. I have some wine

in the hold, but I don't have any glasses.

No, my Christmas dinner.

I sent an invitation.

I'm doing it this year, at mine.

All I need is your recipe book,

and I'm going to take care of it all.

You and Dad just both need to show up.

Look, I don't know,

the recipe book is probably still at home.

Regarding your father, try asking him

if he wants to come, but I'm telling you,

since we've been separated

- he seems a bit

- Well, um

He's probably already

regretting the separation.

- [TV presenter speaking indistinctly]

- [door slams]

Gianna, how lovely to see you.

- Hey.

- Hold on, I'll just

- [muffled] Hold on.

- Ah.

[TV presenter]

There are many species of fish that could

Do you want a beer?

A beer?

- No, I don't. No, thanks.

- No?

No.

[Gianna] Things have changed a bit.

What's happened to the house?

Well, you know, without your mother

Yeah, I know.

It's, uh, not easy on your own.

But I think if you talk to each other,

you can sort everything out.

- [scoffs] Are you joking?

- No, no.

Look, I guarantee she's not happy either.

And it's never too late

to turn things around.

No, no, no, no, no. Gianna, I'm the one

who doesn't want to turn things around.

But you just said

that without Mum around

Without your mother,

I can just leave the mess, Gianna.

[chuckles] I can eat hamburgers and fries

in front of the TV if I want to.

We've split our jobs up at the store.

- Ah.

- I sleep in late.

I go down to the cafe for breakfast

in the morning, I read my newspaper.

What do you think?

I think you're reacting like a teenager.

Ah, I don't think so at all.

Well, anyway.

24th December, dinner at my place.

Period. All right?

All right.

[Gianna sighs]

They're cold!

- Well

- Anyway, I need this.

[whimsical music playing]

See ya, Dad.

Bye.

Scampi. "Brown the scampi tails

for a couple of minutes

in butter and finely chopped garlic."

- That's important. "Soak with brandy"

- Gianna, enough now.

Why are you obsessed

with this Christmas dinner?

If we don't do it once,

nothing's gonna happen.

Precisely!

Everything will remain a disaster!

No! No, no, no, no. Anyway,

Christmas dinners have the power to

They fix everything. We have to.

Why don't you concentrate on this dinner

with all this lovely, delicious food?

Or it was

I can bring you some more

if you like. I made more than enough.

Oh, you do everything here?

Mmm the c*ck, the cooking

Yes, even when I was with my wife,

I did the cooking.

Daddy's the best cook I know.

You see? You see? There's no need

to put things right at all costs

because even when a marriage dies,

nothing bad happens.

Look at Monica. She looks happy anyway.

[chuckles wryly] Well, in my case,

though, it's not the marriage that died.

It was my mother.

In childbirth.

- [awkward stinger]

- Monica.

Don't worry. She likes joking

about her mother being dead.

I mean, her mother has passed away.

But, uh uh

She gets a kick out of seeing

people's reactions. Like

Like yours. [Gianna laughs]

Forgive me.

After that embarrassment,

I'll never set foot in here again.

No, don't worry.

Don't worry. I'm sorry, actually.

You're practically my only customers.

I mean, that's normal, the place is new.

And the bar opposite is

selling c*ck two for one.

But they'll learn after

their first hangover from cheap vodka.

Um, speaking of hangovers, Didi?

Wasn't she supposed to come tonight?

Well, Didi's single again,

so she'll be focusing on her personal joy.

Well, being single does mean you have

time for yourself. Play card games.

Decorate ceramics.

- Do lots of volunteer work.

- [awkwardly] Well, Didi's activities are

Well, volunteered, and

She she's good to herself,

and she's good to others.

And to others! Yeah. Of course.

- That's good, right?

- Right?

[eccentric music playing]

Bye.

[man] Goodnight, sir.

See you Saturday at Giotto's.

[delicate, enchanting music playing]

[tires screech]

- Didi?

- What are you looking at?

Did you finish your volunteer work?

Yes. No, I was just I just saw a

- There was a sh**ting star.

- Oh! Where?

Hmm.

- Did you make a wish?

- Yeah.

I did wish for wedged trainers

to disappear off the earth forever, and

- Yep.

- I

wish for the perfect Christmas dinner.

One that preferably cooks itself.

- [laughs]

- A quick and painless divorce.

What? Only six couple therapy sessions.

End of. That's the deal with Guido.

And anyway, when the therapist finds out

how things went, one will be enough.

- It'll be obvious why I want to separate.

- Yes.

But please, after Christmas dinner.

- That's if we even do it.

- No, we will. We will.

Umberto will be there too.

I've sussed it out.

Double shifts.

[beeps]

["Shaboom" by Randi DeMarco playing]

Boom, boom, boom, shaboom, boom boom ♪

Boom, boom, boom, shaboom, boom boom ♪

Take a sip of that good-good, yeah ♪

Get your groove and get back ♪

Boom, boom, boom ♪

Boom, boom, boom, shaboom, boom boom ♪

Boom, boom, boom, shaboom, boom boom ♪

[patient] Excuse me.

I feel sick. Can you call the doctor?

[song trails off]

Oh God, did I fall asleep?

You must have been tired.

- My goodness.

- It's okay to sleep when you're tired.

No, it's not, it's stupid.

I'm tired because I'm working

double shifts,

and all for something

that that didn't even work.

What was it supposed to be for?

[rueful laugh]

It was supposed to help me

see the guy who dumped me, but

He works here.

But it seems as though he's avoiding me.

Who, Umberto?

How do you know him?

Oh, it's so clear.

You're being a pushover.

I'm a pushover?

Mm-hmm. Yes.

But better to be a pushover

than a cry-baby.

- Yeah?

- Yes.

Really.

- Oh, Emma?

- Hmm?

Listen, do you think

I seem like a pushover with Umberto?

No, you don't seem like a pushover.

You are a pushover.

There's a difference.

What

[eccentric, whimsical music playing]

My goodness.

I called you ten times, you know.

I know. I turned my phone off.

That way, if Umberto calls me,

I won't seem a pushover.

- Finally. Better late than never.

- Yes.

I've ordered breakfast for you.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

- Hi.

- Hiya.

Let's see how many times

he tried to call me.

Wait. I don't think I have signal here.

Where can I get signal?

You can get signal everywhere.

He's ghosting you.

- No.

- He is.

- He's ghosting me?

- He's ghosting you.

There's always that other plan.

No, I don't want to pretend

just to make him jealous.

I think it's silly and nasty.

Whereas kissing Santa Claus

was refined and classy?

He now understands

you've distanced yourself.

The next step is to get him to understand

if he doesn't come back to you quickly,

you'll move on and leave. Goodbye!

Huh.

No, sorry to intrude, but

This might be more of a male perspective,

but aren't you going too far?

You made a mistake, okay,

but if he really loves you,

he'll forgive you, right?

By Christmas?

Well, that depends on what you did.

[audio rewinding]

Who can I make him jealous with?

[Didi attempting to grunt subtly]

No! No, no, no! Don't even think about it.

I made a pact with myself.

Until Monica goes to university,

she's the only priority for me.

No! No.

Well, in order to make him jealous,

you don't need someone in particular,

do you? Anyone will do, right?

Anyone will do.

STOREROOM

[low, swaggering hip-hop playing]

Yeah, I'm bad ♪

Gianna.

Do you know each other?

Uhh

- [record scratch]

- Hold on!

Wait a moment, we said "anyone".

Davide isn't just anyone.

Davide is unattainable.

A forbidden dream of mine. Davide

I'm a dad, you're disowned ♪

I'm a fire hazard

Makin' hits from my home ♪

Well [weak chuckle]

I'm in the wrong room. Sorry.

Just a sec.

Thanks a lot, fate! Thanks!

Now in hospital there's not just

one guy who dumped me, but two!

STORAGE

[objects clattering]

Hi.

So, who are we avoiding

in this storage cupboard?

No one.

- No No one.

- Hmm.

No, I was I was

[gentle, enchanting music playing]

- I was just looking for this.

- Oh, the feather duster?

- Yes, the feather duster.

- [chuckles]

Do you know the cause

of the drastic fall in mortality

during childbirth in the 19th century?

It was hygiene.

You know, hygiene is highly underrated.

Yeah.

I missed you.

[Gianna] So, what happened?

My friend had this bad accident.

He's actually going to take

some time to recover, and, uh

his parents are working abroad,

so I'm spending Christmas with him now.

Yeah, I'm bad to the bone ♪

I ain't sure what you've been told

Yeah, I'm bad ♪

Are you all right?

Yes. Yes, just allergies.

No. It was my late grandmother.

[chuckles] That's the only thing

that came into my head

to drive away

the image of us two you know.

Thanks, Grandma. Sorry.

Anyway, I must admit it was awkward

seeing you next to my boyfriend.

Although I'm not even sure

if he is my boyfriend anymore

because I messed up a bit.

Oh, uh, you're together.

Yes. Umberto.

[phone vibrating]

- Sorry, got to take this call quickly.

- Yeah, sure.

Hello. Yes, it's me.

[therapist] The main problem

in a relationship is communication.

We think we're talking to one another,

but no one's listening.

That's it! Ha!

Maybe therapy will actually be useful.

So, let me start by telling you

the story of our marriage

No, I don't want to hear the

story of your marriage right now.

- No?

- No.

I want to start with you.

Uh, I want you to lie down right now

[lively jazz music playing]

close your eyes,

and tell me,

today, who are you?

[discombobulating jazz music playing]

LEGAL PRACTICE

ALESSANDRO PAVAN

- Who are you, Pippi Longstocking?

- You're a loser!

[bully 1] What's with the braid,

Pippi Longstocking?

[Monica] No!

[sighs]

Good morning, girls.

A little unfortunate, attacking a girl

in front of her lawyer, wouldn't you say?

So now,

in addition to psychological damage,

we can also claim

for the material damages.

Oh, and terrible choice of clothing,

by the way.

Can I help you at all?

- You were fantastic.

- It was nothing.

They're idiots, just two silly girls.

And I felt bad about the

This thing here, the flute.

It's a French horn, actually.

Oh! French Right, I'd maybe avoid

saying that when you're out,

because, well, see what kinds of things

happen with a French horn.

[sniffles] It's because I'm the newbie.

Dad and I only moved

to Chioggia a little while ago.

New here, and with a French horn!

Ah, well

New, but with a father who owns a bar

that I could steal alcohol from.

Ah.

You know you shouldn't

steal alcohol, don't you?

At least, not without my supervision.

[both laughing]

Stand still for a minute.

Anyway, I don't like

how that case was closed.

Fact of the matter is that

it was never in the man's favour anyway.

- Okay, sorry.

- You also have someone bothering you?

- No. Yes. No.

- Hmm?

No, actually.

It's just that You see, there's a guy

who works here who was the only

I mean, we were together for a while,

then he decided

- I mean, he chose to

- Break it up?

Yes.

And why are you hiding?

You're gorgeous.

If he sees you,

he'll be blown away by what he let go.

[gentle, enchanting music playing]

- Excuse me, matron?

- Mmm?

Can I ask not to have to

take care of bed 12, if possible?

Nothing important, it's just

a small personal matter, that's all.

The doctor who attended to that boy

was going to the airport.

And he missed his flight

so he could help him.

And even in his case,

it was a personal matter.

- That's true, but

- The Hippocratic Oath is a serious matter.

Even if you attend to a m*rder*r

or an ex-boyfriend

you don't want to see anymore,

if they call you, you have to go.

[eccentric, lively music playing]

[exaggerated hyperventilating]

Hi, Umberto.

Sorry, I don't know who else to ask.

It's just that I've had an accident,

and ah! It's really painful.

I've had an accident at home.

Please, come as fast as you can.

- As soon as possible. Thank you.

- [phone beeps]

[zany music trails off]

[doorbell jingling]

[Gianna] Umberto?

[Filippo] Uh it's just me, Filippo.

Filippo, no! [grunts]

[grunting in pain]

Ah!

[muttering] Oh, no, no, no, no.

- Everything all right?

- No, no, no, no. Please, come quick.

I'm in the bathroom, I've hurt myself.

[wincing]

Hey, uh

- Hello.

- Can I, uh

- Yes.

- Okay, uhh

I came over to bring you a tiramisu,

uhh but I can see that, uh

I've sprained my ankle.

It hurts like hell.

Hold on, I'll give you a hand. Come on.

- No, it hurts too much.

- Your hand, your hand

- Lean on me.

- Ouch! No, no.

I can't. It hurts too much.

Okay, well, if you're not capable

of getting up, then I'll come down to you.

- There. Wait.

- Here. I slipped, and

- The top. Okay.

- Yes. Here.

What did you do?

You, uh

I staged a domestic accident.

Yes, I pretended to hurt myself.

I sent a voice note to Umberto.

I thought he'd arrived.

I slipped and hurt myself, and

Anyway, he wasn't worried

and he didn't come.

Nothing.

But it wasn't real, though.

No, I know, but

if the accident was real,

and I'd actually hurt myself, he doesn't

Look, listen, I think

that the best thing for you to do now

is go and be honest with him.

["Erotic Friendship"

by Enfant Sauvage playing]

[spacey, brooding electronica playing]

Umberto?

It's early morning, but we don't care ♪

Umberto?

It's the thousandth last cigarette ♪

Umberto.

Gianna.

Like a treasure without a bay ♪

There's nowhere to stay ♪

We're fading into space ♪

[Gianna] Six days, huh?

Huh?

Moved on after six days only.

That's all!

Well, at least you'll save

on the couples therapy.

A-hundred-fifty euros

to look at the ceiling.

And here I am,

trying to organise this Christmas dinner,

- wanting it to be perfect

- No!

You're doing Christmas dinner

for yourself.

You said it fixes things.

- I said that? Ah.

- Yes, you did.

I hope it fixes my back.

The therapist has us

laying down on the floor for an hour!

Have I already told you?

- Yes. Several times.

- Yes.

[groans]

Here's what you do.

Get them all around a table,

maybe in a nice little place

Actually, there's a very nice restaurant,

it's quite popular, called 'Giotto's'.

[Filippo] Found it!

Ankle.

- [Gianna grunts]

- It's swollen.

Did you walk on it?

Listen, you told me to go and see Umberto!

Yes, but I didn't say

go to Umberto's right away!

I said, "Go to Umberto's!"

Well, let's look on the bright side.

You went there, you caught him.

Better to know

if someone's cheating on you, right?

[all three] No, never!

I'll get some water.

Shall I leave these here?

Ah! Uh Monica, meet Didi.

Didi, meet Monica. My daughter.

I told her to do some shopping.

I'm cooking tonight.

Would you like to invite some friends?

She's already got loads of friends.

A whole army of friends.

- Didi!

- Yeah?

[Didi] Ow!

Slow down. I've got heels on, slow down!

I'm begging, please don't tell Dad

about what happened today.

He'd just worry incessantly.

I'm not a snitch, but it's evident

there's a problem, right?

Then help me to sort things out.

Teach me how to be likeable.

[laughs]

What's the matter?

Look, we can't all be perfect like you.

That's very true, but

- And besides, you've been dumped too

- Hey! Oh! Hey!

What is this, blackmail now?

No, that's not the case.

We won't talk about it, then,

that thing you mentioned.

I'll help you.

Okay?

[gentle, quizzical music playing]

What a lovely impression I made.

My goodness.

Well, you were lovely

Objectively. Objectively beautiful,

is what I mean. Not that I

Okay

I've never really been able

to talk to women.

The last time I went out with a woman,

I must have been barely 20 years old.

Then I married her!

[Gianna] Oh, so

I mean, after her

- Nothing serious.

- Nothing.

Not even nothing not serious.

To tell the truth,

I think I've only been out

with two women in my whole life.

- And one was his cousin!

- Ah! Ah?

There's always someone worse off than you.

What's the big deal?

All I did was walk in on my boyfriend

with another woman.

Right?

I could always just move somewhere else.

As my grandfather said,

"There is only one thing

there isn't a fix for."

- Cellulite! Oh.

- It's death.

Death. Sorry, sorry. Death.

Gianna!

Gianna, I just had a call

from the hospital.

Dad's had a heart attack.

[pensive outro music playing]