01x14 - How We Handled an Unexpected Visitor

[bunniefuu]

♪ We're standing tall
'Cause we're unbreakable ♪

♪ Number one, we're the ones ♪

♪ We'll kick to the last
'cause we're unbreakable ♪

♪ And there's so much
to discover ♪

♪ Bring the best
out of each other ♪

♪ 'Cause we got it all ♪

♪ We're standing tall
'Cause we're unbreakable ♪

♪ Unbreakable ♪

Oh, girls.
I'm so proud of you.

Headlining a tour
and winning music icon awards.

It feels like just yesterday
you mistook me for a teenager

and aggressively dragged me
from this very spa.

Oh, Peg, don't make me cry.

Well, I could
watch your videos all day,

but I got to go
meet the hubby.

He's taking me
gopher watching.

It's like bird watching,
but with gophers.

-Fun.
-Romantic.

-That tracks. Bye.
-Bye.

Okay, should we do
an Ask Us Anything?

The crew is filming,
so we might as well.

Okay. Ooh,
CandyMandy says,

"I heard in an interview once
that there's a funny story

about the first time
Jade met Tulip's sister.

Can you tell it?" Oh, yeah.

Tules, you wanna
take the wheel?

I don't have my license,
but here we go.

It all started when Jade's
parents went out of town

and she came
to stay with me for a week.

Welcome to
the week-long sleepover.

The Week-Over.

Not you, Dante.
You're not invited.

That's right.
Tulip's only rule, "No boys allowed."

So take your last look because

you will not
be seeing me for a very long time.

You're coming to school
tomorrow, right?

-Yes. I'll see you there.
-[both chuckle]

[laughs sarcastically]
Now get out.

Well, I should
probably head out too.

You sure you can't stay, Pose?

Look, it's gonna be
so much fun.

I wish I could,
but I gotta study.

I have the practice test
for the PSAT, which is the pre-SAT,

which is the practice test
for the SAT,

which basically determines
the rest of my life.

Just say you have to go, babe.

I have to go.
My stories have value.

-Bye. Good luck.
-Bye. Love you.

So, what should we do first?

Wanna grab every cushion in my house
and make a giant pillow fort?

Hello? Uh, yes.

♪ Oh, every song
every minute ♪

♪ When we're side-by-side ♪

-♪ No limits, no limits ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Oh, and it's just
the beginning ♪

♪ When we hit the lights ♪

-♪ No limits, no limits ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

-♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

-♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na ♪

-♪ No limits, no limits ♪
-♪ Hey! ♪

[camera shutter clicking]

And that's why I'd rather marry
a real frog than a stuffed animal frog.

I feel very strongly
that you're wrong,

but that's what makes this
friendship so beautiful.

Okay, um, your turn.
Would you rather...

[cellphone dings]

-[gasps] Oh, my gosh, yay!
-What is it? What is it?

It's my stepsister, Kaia.

She's coming home from college
for a surprise visit.

Wait, that's awesome. I can't
wait to finally meet her.

Like, I have so many questions
about college.

What's it like
to live in dorms?

And is it true
there's parties every night?

Hi, Tulie!

And do those parties
have bouncy houses and clowns?

♪ You and me, you and I ♪

♪ I've got your back
And you've got mine ♪

♪ We're in this forever ♪

♪ Wherever we go
We go together ♪

♪ It's all for one
It's you and me ♪

♪ 'Cause all we are
is all we need ♪

♪ We're in this forever ♪

♪ Wherever we go
we go together ♪

Koala hug!

[giggling]

I'm sorry, Tulip.

Your sister who you always
talk about being in college is a child?

I'm not a child.
I'm eight and three quarters.

I guess I didn't think it was a big deal
that she skipped 10 grades.

That's pretty much
all the grades

Accurate.

Hi, Kaia. I'm Jade.

I love your pink shirt.
Is pink your favorite color?

Please refrain from
speaking to me like a baby.

My IQ is 175,
which is very high.

Oh, well, I bowl a 195,

which is also very high.

One time, my temperature was 105,
I went to the hospital,

But enough bragging
from all of us.

Kaia, I'm so happy
you're home.

Me too.
I'm here all week, big sis.

Yay! Jade is sleeping here
all week, too.

All week?

Well, my one week home with my sister
and her friend is also here.

Not just a friend.
One of my best friends.

Cool.

This is all very cool.

Right?

Anyway, Tulip, wanna make
a pillow fort like we used to?

Oh, sh**t. We already did.

Who? You and the bowler?

Yeah. Look, it's right over here,
but we can build another one.

That pillow
wasn't load bearing.

Or am I the only one here
who took Advanced Structural Engineering?

Oh, right, I am.

Oh, Kaia, you always make
the smartest jokes.

It's a college thing.
We don't get it.

So I was super excited
to have my sister home.

And I was sensing that Kaia wasn't
so excited to have me in her home.

Meanwhile, I took my test.
It was uneventful, end of story.

The way you said that
was weird.

No, it wasn't.
You're weird. Shut your butt.

I just remembered.
I just remembered!

That was the week of...
"The Incident."

Oh, yeah! "The Incident."

Tell the story, Pose.
Tell it. Tell it!

I am not telling that story.

Okay. It wasn't
that good a story anyway.

The heck it's not!

I was about to take
my practice PSAT.

[Lucas] Oh, hey, Pose.

Can't talk now.
Future on the line.

She's avoiding me because
she has a new boyfriend.

Janine told me.

I just don't want things
to be awkward. What should I do?

-Well...
-You're right.

I should just tell her
how I feel.

Thanks, Joey. You get me.

Okay.

All right, test, you're mine.

My pencil may be number two,

but I am number one when it comes
to multiple choice questions

[woman on PA]
Attention test takers.

You have two hours
to complete the practice PSAT.

No talking. Complete silence.

Begin.

-[record scratches]
-[Posey] Did I just...

Yep, I did.

A noise came out of my body
and not from my mouth.

-She f...
-No!

We do not say that word.

Back to my story.

[Posey] I was mortified.

I looked around trying to see
if anyone heard anything.

I casually shifted my body in my seat
and ruffled my test papers.

Anything to distract from the noise
that I may or may not have made.

[exhales]

It's okay. You can do this.

Just focus on the test.

But I couldn't focus.

I could only think about
if anyone heard my...

[buzzer sounds]

[woman on PA]
Time's up. Pencils down.

And, Posey,
everyone heard that.

[Posey] Okay, That last part
was in my head.

I'm freaking out.

I don't know if anyone heard,
but they probably did. It was quiet there.

And I was near the back
where the acoustics bounce off the wall.

This is so bad.

How bad are we talking?

Was it like this?

[♪ plays low tone on piano]

What? No, I would've already shaved
my head and moved to Montana.

Oh, so more like this.

-[♪ plays glissando on piano]
-[chuckles]

I don't even have
that much air in my body.

Did it sound
anything like this?

[♪ plays trumpet fanfare]

I wasn't announcing royalty.

If anything,
it was more dainty.

I'm a classy lady.

Oh, so like this...

I didn't hear anything.

-[quietly] Silent...
-[whispers] But deadly.

It was not deadly. [groans]

Your body makes one mistake,
and your whole reputation is on the line.

I've got three and a half more years
at the school. I can't be known for this.

Remember the girl
who yawned weird?

Oh, you mean Yawny Bonnie?

Her name is Denise,
but no one remembers that.

-And if this gets out...
-Oh, it got out.

[laughs]

Not funny.

Not funny!

[door closes]

Okay. It was a little funny.

Meanwhile, I was hoping
I could get Kaia to warm up to me

with the key
to any little kid's heart.

-Love and attention?
-No, girl. Bribery.

Who wants
some chocolate cupcakes?

I do! They're my favorite.

Jade bought them for you.

I forgot.
I don't like them anymore.

As of two seconds ago?

You heard me.

And guess what?

I have a surprise.

[gasps] No way.
Lady Tent of Tentington.

We slept in that thing
every night last summer.

I was thinking we could
all sleep in there tonight.

Oh, no, but it's only
a two-person tent.

Sorry, Jade.

But I don't want to
leave Jade out.

I have an idea.

Why don't Jade and I
play a game?

Whoever wins gets to
sleep in the tent with Tulip.

I'm down. What game?

I know the perfect one.

Tulip, how's your
game show voice?

It's time to play everyone's
favorite trivia game.

"Who Knows Tulip Better!"

[♪ gameshow jingle plays]

I'll ask the questions.

First to 10 wins a trip
to Tentington with me, Tulip.

Now, could the contestants
test their buzzers so we know they work?

-[trumpet honks]
-[rubber chicken honks]

They work.

Okay, first question.

What is Tulip's
coolest secret talent?

-[trumpet honks]
-Kaia.

You're double jointed
and can do that bendy arm thing.

-[dings]
-Correct.

And in the words of my doctor,
"That's not right."

Next question.
What does Tulip hate the most?

-[honks]
-People not talking enough about snails.

Their shells are their house!

-[dings]
-Correct. A point for Jade.

What is the name
of Tulip's shadow?

-[honks]
-Margaret Tagalong.

[dings]

What animal would Tulip create
if Tulip could create an animal?

-[honks]
-Alpactopus!

Alpaca on top,
octopus on bottom.

[dings]

What is Tulip's
go-to hand gesture?

-[trumpet honks]
-Sparkle fingers.

[dings]

What is Tulip's
go-to dance move?

-[honks]
-The broken elevator that sometimes moves.

[dings]

What was young Tulip
afraid of?

-[trumpet honks]
-Belly buttons.

Yes. Some go in, some go out.

Pick a lane!

-[honks]
-[dings]

-[trumpet honks]
-[dings]

[honks]

[dings]

Okay, we're all tied up.

Last question for the win.

What does Tulip want to be
when she grows up?

-[honks]
-A bunny.

Actually, she wants to be
the full-time president of world peace

and a part-time mannequin.

That is correct. Jade wins.

[♪ gameshow jingle plays]

I decided
I didn't want to be a bunny

when I realized the science
just wasn't there yet.

I'll go grab
our sleeping bags.

Good game, Kaia. Look,
you can sleep in the tent with Tulip.

It's cool, girl.

I don't want your charity.

I want you to leave.

-What?
-You heard me, girl.

Hey, Kaia, which sleeping bag
do you want?

The mermaid one.
Thanks, Tulie.

Seriously, get out.

So, yeah, Kaia clearly
didn't want me around.

Look, I tried telling Tulip,

but it turns out Tulip Trivia
wasn't the only game Kaia was playing.

Wow, Tulip.

The way that you set up
that sleeping bag is magnifique.

Thank you. You should
see me with a duvet.

I love when we both use words
derived from the French.

Uh, hey, Tules,
can I talk to you for a...

[in French accent] ...second?

I think your sister
wants me to leave.

What?
What makes you think that?

She said,
"I want you to leave."

Oh, I'm sure
she didn't mean it.

-Hey, Kaia.
-No, no, no.

Kaia, Jade thinks
you want her to leave.

That's not true, is it?

What? No! I'm having
so much fun with you.

Hugs?

[whispers] I can't believe
you snitched on me.

Nobody likes a rat.

[giggles]

[chuckles nervously]

Yep. She was coming for me
and it was mildly terrifying.

But I wasn't gonna let some
eight-and-three-quarter year old beat me.

Here's yours, Tulip.

-Here's yours, Jade.
-[thudding]

Hot, hot, hot.
Wait, what's in this?

Oh, didn't you say
your favorite popcorn topping was...

-...ghost pepper?
-[rattling]

Oh, yeah, I did.

This is so good.

I can't tell if that's corn I'm swallowing
or the skin off my tongue.

Okay, you guys hide,
I'll seek.

One, two, three...

four...

-[door closes]
-[lock clicks]

Ready or not, here I come!

Shoulda locked the window.

[yells] What?

Guys, let's go out
on the balcony.

There's a planetary
alignment tonight.

That's my favorite kind
of alignment.

Hold up, guys.
I'm kind of stuck here.

Oh, no. Did someone
accidentally glue your zipper shut?

Tulie, Jade doesn't
want to come.

She hates planets.

[fabric ripping]

Emergency scissors,
never go to bed without them.

While Jade and Tulip
were entertaining Kaia,

I needed to find out
if anyone knew about...

the incident.

Or one could say, if anyone
had caught wind of...

Just stop.

I knew the person
who would know anything

would be the person
who knows everything.

The school gossip. Janine.

Hey, girl. Hey.

So, uh, for no reason at all,
what's the tea?

What's the scuttlebutt?

I mean, no one's
talking about butts,

but what's the word
on the street these days?

Well, Sara and Morgan
are in a fight

because Morgan was at Dana's last night
and didn't tell Sara.

But Sara saw in her stories
that Dana made spaghetti pomodoro.

Spaghetti pomodoro.

Everyone knows
that's Sara's favorite.

Savage, right?

The savagest.

So lots about pasta,
but nothing about the PSAT?

No. Why? What do you mean?
Did something happen at the PSAT?

-No.
-[gasps]

You're hiding something.

[nervously] No, I'm not.

Let's get back to Morgan
and fettuccine Alfredo.

What a garbage person.

No, no, no. I can tell
something's up with you.

You gonna tell me or what?

Doesn't matter.
I'll find out. I'm basically a journalist.

Bye.

No, no no, no.

Hey, Tulip,
which of the Jonas Brothers

do I think
is the cutest one again?

Nick, Kevin, Joe,
or the bonus Jonas?

Honestly,
it's too hard to choose.

They each bring a lot
to the table.

Dante?
What are you doing here?

-You texted me.
-No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

"Hey, D. Can you save me
from this snooze-fest?

I'm having no fun and Tulip's
sister is super annoying"?

Jade?

Tules. No, that wasn't for me.

So that's what's going on?

You acted like Kaia didn't like you,
but really, you don't like her.

That's not true.

I was wondering why Kaia
was in the bathroom crying.

She's probably picking up
on your negative energy.

No, she's right there
smiling and laughing at me.

Kaia's not there.

If you're seeing someone,
it's probably Frank,

the Victorian-era ghost
who lives in my house.

But you know
what he would never do?

Be mean to my little sister.

Or invite a boy over
when we specifically said "no boys."

Hey, I'll be 18 in a couple of years,
so I'm basically a man.

-Are you?
-I'll just go.

Tulip, I can explain.
I promise, I didn't--

You know what, I don't want to
talk about this anymore.

I'm gonna go sleep
in the tent tonight. With Kaia.

Yes! Oh!

There. Did you hear that?
It was Kaia.

What? What the...

If you heard anything,
it was probably Frank's wife, Martha.

She's a real Chatty Kathy.

We should probably
call her Kathy.

Meanwhile, Lucas and I
finally connected. Sort of.

Apparently, he thought I had
a boyfriend, which I didn't.

But I didn't know that's
what he was talking about.

So things got awkward.

-Hey, Pose.
-Oh.

Hi, Lucas.

There's something
I've been wanting to talk to you about.

-I heard about...
-You did?

From who? Janine?

Yeah. She told me everything.

Like, in detail.
A lot of detail.

And ever since she told me,

I'm not sure
how to be around you.

It's not contagious.

The truth is hearing about it
just made me sad.

-Sad?
-Yeah. I even talked to my mom about it.

You told your mom?

It's just the way
Janine described it.

It sounded pretty serious.

Is it?

[stammers]

-I don't--
-It's cool.

I guess I just want to
let you know that I know.

And I hope
we can still be friends.

He hopes
we could still be friends?

[yawns]

Good morning, sweetheart.

Jade? What's going on?

Where's Tulip?

Oh, she's at school.

I'm late, but I don't care,

because I just
want to let you know that you went too far

and got my best friend
mad at me.

That's the line.

And you crossed it.

Scale of one to 10,

guess how much revenge
I'm gonna get on you?

Um, five?

Eight and three quarters.

Boop.

Kaia went too far when she messed
with Tulip and my friendship

so I had to get payback.

And I can honestly say
I did not stoop to her level.

[clears throat]

I went way lower.

[Jade] My prank was perfect.

Kaia would walk in,
be distracted by a shiny object,

causing her to trip
on the tripwire,

triggering the hydraulic system
I had rigged to spray her with honey

and fall into a kiddie pool
filled with rainbow sprinkles.

But then I remembered
Kaia was eight.

How could I pull a huge prank
like that on a little girl?

Well, guess what, I didn't,
because this happened.

[Tulip] Hey, Jade.
Oh! Shiny object.

-Tulip! No!
-[Tulip] What the... [screams]

-Oh!
-[splashes]

Honey? Sprinkles?

Who did this?

Ghost Frank, if it was you,
you've gone too far this time.

Tulip, I'm so sorry.
It was me.

That wasn't
supposed to happen.

That prank was meant for Kaia.
Not you.

Kaia? What's going on?
Why don't you like my sister?

I do. She doesn't like me.

She's been messing with me
since she got here.

You keep saying that,
but it makes no sense.

Why would Kaia mess with you?

She knows
how much I care about you.

You're like a sister to me.

[Kaia] That's the problem.

[both screams]

I'm your sister, not her.

Of course you are.
What are you talking about?

I'm jealous of Jade, okay?

It feels like
she's taking my place.

Oh, my gosh.

Is that what
this was all about?

Kaia, I could
never replace you.

But Tulie, you made
a pillow fort with her.

And she knows
so much about you.

But that doesn't mean
she's replacing you.

Jade's my best friend.

But you're my family.

And family's forever.

Forever-ever?

Forever-ever.

-I love you, Kaia.
-I love you too, Tulie.

Koala hug?

No way. You're all sticky.

Yeah, about that.

I didn't do anything wrong here.

Why am I the one
covered in goo?

The sticky lady ain't wrong.

Wow. I did a good job
because this is nasty.

Nasty.

I kind of like it.

Jade, I'm sorry
I messed with you.

You're actually pretty cool,

for a normal-brained person.

Thanks.
You're pretty cool, too.

For an eight-year-old.

Eight and three quarters.

Boop.

[all giggling]

While Jade and Tulip were being all cute
and hugs and rainbow sprinkles,

I was full on freaking out.

I truly believe
Janine knew what happened

and was gonna tell
the whole school.

So I did something that,
in retrospect, I'm still like,

"Why, Posey? Why?"

Listen up, people.

Some of you may have heard about
a certain incident regarding me and...

a noise.

Well, I'm here
to take ownership of my story

because it is mine to tell.

Just like Joan of Arc
deserved to tell her story.

Wait, you really compared
Joan of Arc,

a young woman who sacrificed herself
for her beliefs, to yours?

You weren't there.
You don't know.

The rumors are true.

Earlier this week, I f...

And then I said it.

I said it
in front of the whole school.

[crowd laughs]

That's right. I did it.
What's the big deal?

I'm not ashamed.

Okay, I'm very ashamed,
but I'm already standing on the table

and I'm having a hard time
getting out of this tone of voice.

[crowd laughing]

Attention, Courtyard.

My name is Lucas Jasper.

And Posey's right.
It's not a big deal.

We all do it.

In fact, I'll do it right now.

And then he did it
in front of the whole school

to take the spotlight
off of me.

And it worked because it was silly
and it was Lucas Jasper

and his hair looked amazing,

and we all laughed
and moved on.

It was the sweetest thing
anyone has ever done for me.

[quietly] Thank you.

You know what?

I actually kind of
like that story.

[Jade and Tulip] Aw.

Hey, do you guys want to build
a pillow fort again?

Like together?

Hello?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Tulip, it's for you.

Go for Tulip.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

What?

No, I'll tell her right now.

They say
that's an amazing idea.

Yay!

You know what?
This sounds fun.

But why don't I let you two
have some sister time

before Kaia heads back
to college?

Thanks, Jade. I hope
I see you next time I'm home.

[giggles]

-Bye.
-Bye.

I'm so happy to finally
have some time alone with my big sister.

Tules, stop everything.
I have so much to tell you.

Seriously, who's this one?

Kaia, this is Posey,
my other best friend.

Posey?

Oh, I heard about you.
You're the one who f...

[♪ closing theme music
playing]