[suspenseful music]
[ominous music]
[ominous music continues]
[door creaks]
- Please, my dear,
make yourself comfortable.
[door creaks]
- Oh my goodness.
Professor Jennings, is
this where you live?
- It's where I live,
it's where I work,
it's where I do everything.
- You know, when I
saw you at the club,
I knew there was something
different about you.
- Different?
How so, Rachel?
- You're just not
the usual type of guy
that I meet at that hole
in the wall, you know?
- I guess not.
- You seem like the real
stuffy type of professor
that never leaves
the lab, you know,
all work, no play,
never met a test
tube he didn't like.
- I want you to know,
I'm not accustomed to picking
up strange girls at a bar.
- Okay.
- Oh, not that you're
strange or anything,
it's just that I-
- It's okay, Professor.
Trust me, you're not the
first guy I've gone home with,
you know?
- Well, I don't
want you to think
I brought you back here
for anything lascivious.
- Oh, really?
Well, that's too bad.
- It is?
[suspenseful music]
[whimsical music]
[suspenseful music]
[tray clangs]
[whimsical music continues]
- [Rachel] Well, it's
been great, Professor,
but I gotta run.
- So soon?
But there's so much more
I wanted to show you.
- I'm pretty sure
I've seen everything.
- But I just wanted
to show you the lab.
I think you'll find
it very interesting.
- The lab, huh?
- Yes.
- I'm not gonna find
out you're creating
some type of Frankenstein
monster back there,
am I?
- No, no.
I assure you, it's
nothing like that.
It's right through here.
It's really quite amazing.
- Lead the way.
[mysterious music]
- Here it is.
What do you think?
- It's a lab, all right.
- This is where I do
all my experimenting.
- Really?
[suspenseful music]
Because it kinda looks like
my ex-boyfriend's meth lab.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's nothing like that.
- So, what kind of crazy
experiments do you do in here?
- I thought you'd never ask.
- I need to tell
you about something
that happened last night.
- Oh no, not sure I
want to hear this.
- No.
Somebody moved into the
house across the street.
- Oh, really?
Hasn't that house been
vacant for a while?
- Yes.
They moved in in the
middle of the night,
and they didn't
have any luggage.
- That's really weird.
Usually if you can afford a
house in this price range,
you show up with a
convoy of moving trucks,
and that's just for
the dining room set.
- Mm-hmm.
[suspenseful music]
It's that house right there.
- Hmm, that's weird.
There's not even a fancy
car in the driveway.
- Exactly.
You know what we need to do?
- What's that?
- We need to go over there
and introduce ourselves.
- Hmm.
Well, it would be
very neighborly.
- And we can always use
extra help with the charity.
- Right?
[suspenseful music continues]
Here goes nothing.
[door knocking]
- I don't think anyone's home.
- Uh, they gotta be.
Hello!
[door knocking]
Anyone home?
- Nobody is here.
Let's just go.
- I'm not giving up this soon.
- [Stacy] What are you doing?
- Just, uh, taking
a little look.
- You can't do that,
it's trespassing.
- No, it's just like
a neighborhood watch.
- Well, I'm not having
any part of this.
- Fine. Suit yourself.
[suspenseful music continues]
- You're gonna regret this.
[suspenseful music continues]
- Fully furnished, huh?
[suspenseful music continues]
[eerie music]
[heart beating]
- Take a look at this.
[mysterious music]
- Okay.
It's an empty aquarium.
- Or so it would seem.
But what if I were to tell you
there are actually
three fish in that tank?
- Well, they must
be hiding, baby,
because I don't see anything.
- Trust me, they're in there.
- What?
Did you shrink 'em
down to itty bitty size
with some sort of
shrinking ray or something?
- No, but I like
the way you think.
Over here.
[suspenseful music]
- So I bet you're gonna tell me
there's a bird here, right?
- I am.
- Professor,
I think you just might
be a little crazy.
- Not at all.
- So there's a
bird there, right?
- Indeed.
- Mm-hmm.
- Would you like proof?
- Sure.
[suspenseful music]
- Poly want a cr*cker?
[bird squawking]
- Are you, are you kidding me?
Did you hear that?
You got speakers around
here somewhere, don't you?
- Nope.
I assure you, it's
all very real.
And the best part is I'm ready
to move on to human trials.
- Human trials?
- Yes, I'm ready to
take the next step.
I just need a willing subject
on which to test my formula.
Any volunteers?
- What is that?
Some type of high tech
roofie or something?
Look, baby, I know
you're new to this,
but you're supposed to
give that to the girls
before you have sex with them.
- No, no, no.
You misunderstand.
I want to turn you invisible.
- Yeah.
I think I'll pass on that.
- It'll only take a moment.
- I said no!
- But I...
It would-
- Forget it, man!
- Rachel!
Rachel!
[suspenseful music]
[door creaks]
[footsteps clicking]
Rachel!
Rachel!
- [Rachel] No!
[suspenseful music continues]
[door creaks]
- Not another one.
Where am I gonna find
the perfect guinea pig?
[upbeat rock music]
[thunder rumbling]
♪ All is calm
♪ Tonight
- Check this out.
- Wow!
When did this open?
- Ah, about a month or so ago.
Pretty hot stuff, huh?
- I'll say.
♪ But the dreams are there
♪ While they sleep
- Let's get a table.
♪ Unprotected by
the silent vigil ♪
♪ I keep
♪ No sleep
♪ Nothing's calm tonight
♪ The children will not
stay tucked and tight ♪
♪ Ooh, it's the
screaming dream ♪
- Hey, I think she likes you.
- Yeah, sure.
♪ Tonight
♪ With all these
chaotic things ♪
♪ That bump in the night
- Good evening, gentlemen.
Is this your first time here?
- As a matter of fact, it is.
- Same here.
- Well, let me be the first
to welcome you to Shadows.
It's a club where great
things happen in dark places
- I like that.
You girls should get
t-shirts made that says
what happens in the Shadows
stays in the Shadows.
- Ooh, I like that.
It's so true.
Now, can get you boys a drink?
- Uh, vodka rocks.
- Rye with a splash.
- Ooh, rye whiskey
with a splash.
You are 100% all
man, aren't you?
- Hey, I know what I like.
[Tabitha chuckles]
- That's good for you.
♪ All that is not yet known
♪ Why, why do we fear
♪ All that is not yet known
♪ Why
♪ If we just try
♪ We may find
♪ We will survive
♪ We will survive
[patrons chattering]
[mellow jazz music]
- Man, I'd love to tap that.
- Maybe you can.
Why don't you ask her?
- Are you kidding?
A babe like that is like caviar,
even a little taste
will k*ll your wallet.
- I don't know.
I was feeling a
pretty good vibe.
Maybe it was my
lucky rabbit's foot.
- And this is coming from a guy
who hasn't gotten
laid in over a month.
You better give yourself
whole lucky rabbit.
- Well, my lucky foot
is tingling right now.
- I'm sure it is.
[mellow jazz music continues]
- Hope I didn't keep you
boys waiting too long.
- Hell no.
We were just, uh,
take it in the sights.
- This is Angela,
she's one of our
featured dancers.
- I really enjoyed your show.
- Oh, thank you.
- When's your next set?
- Oh, she has a
little spare time.
I think you all should,
uh, get to know each other.
- Oh, oh, wait, you
have to go so soon?
- It's my turn to dance.
But you will keep an
eye on me, won't you?
- Jack?
- Jack.
- I will.
- My name's Tabitha.
- I'm Roger.
- Enjoy the show.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ You push me
♪ And push comes to death
♪ You push me
- It looks like your friend
sees something he likes.
- What's not to like?
- It's not nice to make
your date jealous, Roger.
- What?
Oh no, I...
Well, I was, I was just saying.
[Angela scoffs]
- You know, you talk too much.
Why don't you and I go
up to the VIP lounge
and leave the chit chat
for the little boys?
- You mean you and up...
- I mean a little less talk
and a lot more action.
- Jack, I'll be right back.
Keep my seat warm.
- Sure, I'll wait right here.
♪ You push me
♪ And push comes too death
♪ You push me
♪ And I'll take
care of the rest ♪
♪ Oh yeah
[upbeat rock music]
- Wow!
This place never
ceases to amaze me.
[upbeat rock music continues]
[patrons chattering]
[thrilling music]
First a promotion and now this.
Who's the man?
- You are, baby.
[Angela hissing]
[Roger groaning]
[eerie music]
[smooth jazz music]
- Enjoying yourself?
- Better now that you're here.
- Oh, don't you know how
to make a girl blush?
- You're not blushing.
- Oh, but I am.
I'm just so pale you can't tell.
- Oh, I get it.
You're one of those girls
that blush on the inside.
- That's right.
How would you like to
get a little alone time?
- It sounds tempting, but
I'm waiting for Roger.
- Oh, I meant to tell you.
Roger said not to wait up.
He's gonna make
an evening of it.
- Really?
An evening?
- Oh, Angela,
she can be very entertaining
once she gets her
claws into you.
- I'll bet.
- So, what do you say?
[smooth jazz music continues]
- I would really like to, but-
- Oh, everybody's
got a big old but.
- I, I have this girl
waiting for me at home.
- Hmm, do tell.
- Yeah, it's...
Sorry.
- Well,
[smooth jazz music continues]
if you change your mind.
- Thanks.
[smooth jazz music continues]
[Angela sighs]
- What can I get you?
- Give me a tequila.
[smooth jazz music continues]
Leave the bottle.
- Rough night?
- It doesn't look like
yours is much better.
- No, not really.
[smooth jazz music continues]
- Again.
- So what could
possibly be troubling
a pretty lady like yourself?
- Pretty?
Well, I guess you could
say that's my problem.
- How so?
- Look around.
[smooth jazz music continues]
- Ah, I see.
Unwanted attention.
- You got it.
Is it my fault that dental
hygiene school is so expensive?
- No.
Uh, no, it isn't.
- And can I help it if the
easiest way to make money fast
is by getting
pictures taken of me?
- No, not at all.
- And if in some
of those pictures
my boobies happen
to be out, well,
does that cause anyone harm?
- Can't see any.
[smooth jazz music continues]
[Kay sighs]
- Then I get all this.
- Well, I guess that goes along
with the boobies
being out and all.
- Sometimes I wish I
was just invisible.
[smooth jazz music continues]
- Say that again.
- What?
- What you just said.
- That I wish I was invisible?
- Yes, that.
Listen, you need money, right?
- Right.
- I think I have
just a thing for you.
[Kay chuckles]
- No, no, thanks, Mr.
I don't need money that bad.
- No, no, no, no.
It's nothing like that.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Professor Jennings.
I work over at the university.
- Okay.
- Okay.
I've been working on an invis-
invisibility formula.
- Invisibility?
- Shh, keep your voice down.
Yes, invisibility.
I've been quite successful
in my early tests.
I still can't find my car keys.
And it's entirely
possible that the python
has escaped its cage.
- You're serious?
- Oh, yes.
And I'm ready to try
it out on people.
I just need a test subject.
- You mean me?
- If you're willing.
- Oh, I don't know.
- I'll pay a handsome price.
- How much?
- Well, how much do you
need to finish school?
[Kay scoffs]
- About $15,000.
- Done.
- What?
- Done, 15,000.
If this is successful,
my formula will reap millions.
It's well worth it.
- Okay. So what
do we have to do?
- Well, everything
is back at my lab.
If you'll just come with me.
- Okay, Professor, let's go.
[smooth jazz music continues]
- What can I get you?
Those people that just
left, you know 'em?
- Are you kidding,
man? [chuckles]
[mellow jazz music]
[bartender laughing]
Everybody knows who she is.
[mellow jazz music continues]
- And then the pH
balance is stabilized
through the introduction
of nitrogen peroxide.
It's really quite simple then.
The formula actually bleaches
the pigment of the skin,
as well as all the organs
and the body fluids.
- So basically invisible?
- Yes, isn't that
what I just said?
- Yeah. I mean,
that's all good and everything.
But, Professor, this
is way over my head.
Can we just get on with it?
- Certainly. Certainly.
Oh, uh, take your
clothes off, please.
- Excuse me.
I told you I don't do that.
- Please, you have me all wrong.
I simply need to analyze
the rate of the
progression of the formula.
There's a towel there
for your modesty.
- Oh, okay.
Oh, can you turn around please?
- Oh, sorry.
[whimsical music]
- Okay, I'm ready.
- On a momentous
occasion like this,
I feel it's necessary for
me to make a statement.
- Sure, look,
Professor, you know,
your lab's not heated,
I'm half naked.
Can we just really
get on with this?
- Very well.
[mysterious music]
To the future.
- Hmm.
Here goes nothing.
[Kay coughing]
[whimsical music]
That was terrible.
- Well, I wasn't
exactly designing a
fruit punch now, was I?
- Yeah, a good thing too.
- Do you feel any different?
- Besides the horrible
taste that's in my mouth
that's working its way to
the back of my throat now?
No.
- I don't understand.
It should have worked.
On all of my previous
test subjects,
the evidence of
invisibility was instant.
Where did I go wrong?
[Kay gasps]
- Professor?
- I wonder if I need to
adjust the mixture ratio
because of the size
of the larger subject.
- [Kay] Professor!
- Kay!
You're, you're-
- [Kay] Invisible.
- Yeah, it worked.
It really worked!
- [Kay] Professor, you did it.
I am really invisible.
- I'm gonna be rich, rich!
[Kay screams]
- Well, let me be the first
to give the rich man a kiss.
[Kay shrieks]
Congratulations, Professor.
- Thanks.
I, I apologize.
- Oh, don't apologize.
You have made me the
happiest woman on earth.
Oh, well, I see.
[lively music]
- Good morning,
my little muffin.
[Tracy groaning]
Listen, darling,
I was wondering, you know,
since I was working late
at the lab last night
and when I got home,
you were already in
bed snoring away,
I was just wondering
if, you know,
you might want a little
morning pick me up.
What do you say?
[Tracy yawning]
- What's that dear?
- I said I thought you
might wanna, you know?
- Mm.
Gary, you know I don't
like it in the morning.
Ugh.
- Yeah,
but you don't like it
in the evening either,
or the afternoon,
or anytime for that matter.
- Soon, dear.
Soon.
- Sure.
Whatever.
[lively music]
[gentle music]
Marilyn, I didn't expect
to find you here today.
- Where else would I be?
I knew the preliminary results
were coming in today. [chuckles]
- And how are they looking?
- Very promising.
It looks like RDU 47 may
be a success after all.
It was a brilliant idea.
- Well, I figured if men
have their little blue pills,
then something to enhance
the sexual libido of women
was only fair.
- Whatever gave you
the initial idea.
- My wife.
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah, he just hasn't been
interested in sex lately.
I thought this might help.
- Well, it certainly helped
all the rats and, uh,
monkeys in the test.
They were going at
it like rabbits.
- Hmm, yeah, I see.
So were the rabbits.
- Right?
- It is promising.
But some of the
potential side effects
have yet to be
fully administered.
- There were some early signs
of a secondary reaction,
but it's still very unclear.
They're running more tests now.
I heard they brought in
raccoons, chipmunks and beavers.
- That's all well and good.
But at this rate,
my wife and I will be
in a retirement home
before this drug is finalized.
- Well, these
things do take time,
but it'll be worth the wait.
- If only we could move faster
on this, test it on a human,
then we can be sure.
But I guess that's years away.
- Why does it have to be.
- What?
- Why does it have
to take years?
We could test it now.
- Marilyn, are you
sure you wanna do this?
- Of course.
Look, Gary, I have
no one at home.
I'm married to my job.
My work is my life.
Let me do this.
- Well, okay, go ahead.
[whimsical music]
Well, are you
feeling anything yet?
Some of the animal subjects
had an immediate response.
- Yes, I think so.
Yes, I'm, I'm definitely
feeling something.
- Is it sexual?
Do you have an uncontrollable
urge to have sex?
- Yes, I think.
I definitely wanna have sex.
- That's wonderful!
[upbeat rock music]
♪ Baby
♪ I wanna get in your veins
♪ Baby
♪ You got no one but
yourself to blame ♪
♪ You can run but
you can't hide ♪
♪ Welcome to your suicide
♪ You don't know
what I'm gonna do ♪
♪ Your agony is my ecstasy
♪ And I'll give you
everything you need ♪
♪ Oh yeah
- Back again?
- Oh, hey, um, I think I left
something here last night.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
What is it?
- Uh, my friend Roger.
[Angela chuckles]
- Oh, him.
Yeah, he got bored
and left early.
I don't think I was his type.
- Do you know where he went?
- He mentioned cruising
around South Central,
Crenshaw District,
with the top down.
- Hey, is Tabitha here?
- It's her night off.
- Well, do you know
where I could find her?
We sort of had a date.
- Oh.
1313 Mockingbird Lane.
[upbeat rock music continues]
- Okay, great.
Thanks.
- Don't mention it.
♪ Your agony is my
[door creaking]
[ominous music]
[notes rustling]
- 300 bucks.
- Hmm, it's quite a tip
considering the service.
- And we got 500 off his
credit card downstairs.
- Big spender.
Hope he had the
time of his life.
- He certainly did.
You only go around once.
- And so he did.
[ominous music]
[smooth jazz music]
[lively music]
- What will it be lady.
- A shot of the
strongest thing you have.
Actually, make that a double.
[lively music continues]
[Jane exhales sharply]
Another.
- I haven't seen you
in here before, have I?
- No, I just can't go home,
at least mom until
my husband gets back.
It's not safe.
- Bad neighborhood?
- Bad neighbors.
- [Bartender] Oh.
- I think they're vampires.
- Vampires?
- Shh.
[ominous music]
[heart beating]
[ominous music continues]
- We need to talk.
- I'm sorry??
- About the vampires.
[Jane scoffs]
- Vampire hunter?
- That's right.
I followed them here all
the way from Transylvania.
I got as far as Beverly Hills,
but the trail ran cold.
I've been hitting the city
night spots ever since.
- Why?
- It's where they like
to pick up their victims.
- So what are they doing
in my neighborhood?
- I'm not sure.
Vampires are seductive creatures
who can alter your perception
of their appearance.
In truth, they are foul
creatures of the night.
- So what are you waiting for?
I gave you the address.
Can't you go to their
house and put a stake
through their heart or
whatever it is you people do.
- It's far too dangerous to
enter their lair at night.
- Lair?
It's a two-story colonial
with a sundeck and a pool.
- I have to wait until sunrise,
it's when they're at
their most vulnerable.
- So what do I do until then?
- Go home, lock your doors,
and wait for me to contact you.
[lively music continues]
- Oh my gosh.
[Marilyn sighs]
What?
Mm.
Steve, this is
Marilyn from the lab.
- Marilyn?
- Well, I'm surprised
to hear from you.
- Yes, I'm working on a Sunday.
I have no boyfriend, okay?
It's difficult when you love
your job as much as I do.
- I just meant that it's unusual
for you to be calling
the testing lab directly.
- Ugh, right.
Well, well, listen, I'm calling
for an important reason.
I just got the latest
test results on RDU 47.
So we've confirmed a
definite delayed reaction
of anywhere from 3 to 10 hours
for the drug to take effect?
- Oh yes.
It's a sneaky little
formula that has a way
of taking its sweet time
about getting into the system.
- Okay, uh, but I'm confused
about the side effects.
If I'm reading this right,
there's a secondary reaction
that causes a trance-like state.
- Yes.
Minutes, hours,
perhaps even days after
ingesting the formula
the subject has a numbing of
all higher brain functions.
- Right, right.
Okay, I get that.
But, uh, these serotonin
levels are off the chart.
If this is accurate,
the user could become
quite aggressive.
- Oh, you bet your sweet a*s.
In fact, if it weren't
for that trance-like state
induced by the lack
of brain functions,
our little fuzzy little
bunny friends here
would have gone on a rampage.
Now, the length of time varies
from subject to subject.
But I think that the
higher serotonin levels
definitely contribute to
the onset of the episode.
- So you're saying
whoever takes RDU 47
will eventually randomly
become zombie-like
and go on a k*lling rampage?
- Yeah, that's pretty
much what I'm saying.
[Marilyn gasping]
- Holy crap.
[suspenseful music]
- Who the hell is that?
[suspenseful music continues]
Alexa, woo-hoo
Over here!
[footsteps clicking]
- What are you doing here?
I told you to stay home.
This is not safe.
- Well, I feel much safer here
with you than I do at home.
Besides, I needed
to know the truth.
- This is not wise.
- You wouldn't even
know about this place
if it weren't for me.
- All right, but don't
leave my side for a moment.
This could be very dangerous.
- You got it.
- All right.
[suspenseful music]
- Shouldn't they be
in their coffins?
They can't be out in
a daylight, right?
- They're severely
weekend by daylight,
but it's not fatal to them.
As for their coffins,
any box with dirt from
their homeland would do.
These creatures are
very resourceful.
- What about upstairs?
- No, they prefer to
rest in cool places.
So their resting place
will definitely be
on the ground floor.
Perhaps there's a
secret entrance,
a hidden panel somewhere.
[door creaks]
- Look, I found another door.
- I told you to stay by my side.
- Sorry.
[suspenseful music continues]
- Now stay here and don't move
a muscle until I tell you.
[suspenseful music continues]
[coffin door creaking]
What the hell?
[suspenseful music continues]
[coffin door creaking]
Just in case.
[suspenseful music continues]
[holy water sizzling]
[bats screeching]
[Jane screaming]
Jane, wait.
[Jane screaming]
[suspenseful music]
[Jane panting]
- Oh my God!
It's true, they are vampires.
- I told you to stay with me.
- And those bats
in those coffins,
that was them, wasn't it?
- I don't know.
Those coffins were empty.
- How is that possible?
- It shouldn't be.
But those vampires
are very clever,
you can never
underestimate them.
- Well, maybe they're
not really vampires.
- They are.
But if they're not
in their coffins,
then where are they?
- I don't know.
But I sure feel a lot
safer having you around.
- I'd feel a lot safer
if I knew where those
two monsters were hiding.
- What now?
- I need some time to
figure out another plan.
It's too late to
try again today.
Are you okay?
- I think I hurt my arm
running outta that room.
- Here, sit down.
[suspenseful music]
How does this feel?
- Great.
Is there no end to your talents?
- Well, I do pride
myself on my versatility.
[gentle music]
- Gary, there you are.
I tried to get ahold
of you all weekend.
- Yeah, I know.
And I don't know what
you're trying to pull,
but that formula
definitely does not work.
- But it does.
- Tell that to my wife.
- There's a delayed reaction.
It can take up to
several hours to kick in.
- Really?
- Trust me.
I got home that night
and I didn't leave
my bedroom for hours.
My neighbors sure got ear full.
- But what about when we?
- Oh, I was just
trying to help you out.
- Yeah, well, don't
do me any favors.
- You don't understand,
the side effects-
- What side effects are those?
[ominous music]
Marilyn, I said what
side effects are those?
[ominous music]
[heart beating]
Thanks, I needed that.
So, tell me about
those side effects.
- What?
Oh, nothing, I guess.
What were you saying?
- Are you all right?
[phone rings]
[suspenseful music]
Listen, I've gotta run.
I'll be gone for
the rest of the day.
Are you gonna be alright here?
- What?
Oh, sure.
- Yeah, you'll be all right.
[whimsical music]
[gentle music]
- Good morning.
- Oh, good morning.
- Got a lot in your
mind, I suppose.
- I was just thinking of
how to remix the formula
to vary the duration
of the invisibility.
Now, a stronger
pH balance is key,
but it's hardly the only factor.
- Okay. [chuckles]
Why don't I go make us
some coffee, Professor?
- Hmm?
Oh, thank you.
[Kay chuckles]
- Okay.
- Oh, Professor, how do
you take your coffee?
Professor?
[Kay gaps]
Professor!
[mysterious music]
- Kay, what happened?
- [Kay] You're asking me?
- You're invisible again.
- [Kay] Oh, thanks,
Captain Obvious.
Is this gonna
happen all the time?
- I don't know.
This has never happened before.
Once the subject regains
visibility, that's it;
one ride per customer.
- [Kay] Am I gonna
stay like this?
Am I ever gonna
be visible again?
- I can't say.
- [Kay] Oh, Professor,
how could you?
- I didn't know.
- [Kay] This is horrible.
- Kay, wait!
[door slams]
[door creaks]
Kay!
Kay!
[mysterious music continues]
[ominous music]
[door slams]
[phone ringing]
- Hello.
- Marilyn.
It's Steve over in testing.
- [Marilyn] Steve?
- Yeah, listen,
we've been running
a lot more tests.
And whatever you do,
you've got to make sure
that RDU 47 is destroyed!
- Destroyed?
Why?
- Because it's too
damn dangerous!
I've got a room full of k*ller
zombie rabbits over here!
- k*ller zombie rabbits?
Are you serious?
- As a heart attack.
I got squirrels
going after raccoons.
The, the rats have
overtaken the commissary.
I don't even wanna tell you
what the monkeys are up to.
- Oh no.
- Look, the episodes
seem to come and go,
you just can't predict
when it's gonna happen.
- Steve, it may
already be too late.
- What do you mean?
Has someone taken the drug?
- Yes, me and maybe
a few other people.
- Oh no.
Well, we've got somebody
working on an antidote.
I just hope they
can make it in time.
- You and me both.
[suspenseful music]
[Steve whimpering]
[funky music]
- Why don't you
just confess, Jack?
You were the last person
to see the victim alive.
- No, that's not true.
He went off with some girl,
and I never saw him again.
- Until you blacked out.
You blacked out and k*lled him.
- Why would I k*ll him?
- Because he got the promotion
you thought you deserved.
Your boss has already
told us as much.
- So what?
It wasn't something you would
go and k*ll a person over.
We were friends.
- Crime of passion.
Just admit it.
- No, it was those girls!
I think they're vampires.
You said when you found his body
it was drained of blood, right?
[suspenseful music]
- Yeah, so what?
- And other bloodless bodies
have been found, right?
- What are you getting at?
- Vampires.
They're all vampires.
I think they're using that
club to get at their victims.
[suspenseful music continues]
- Now, I've been in
that club myself,
and they tried to
put the bite on me.
- You see?
- They tried to put the bite
on me for a $20 lap dance.
[suspenseful music continues]
You're gonna have to come up
with a more believable
story, Jack.
[suspenseful music continues]
Your hearing's in the morning.
Vampires.
[suspenseful music continues]
- Oh, damn!
- Shh.
I've come to help you.
- You're a vampire.
- Oh, you don't have
to be so rude about it.
- You k*lled Roger.
- Yes, I did.
And I feel so bad
about it. [laughs]
No, really, I don't.
But it's not fair to let
you take the rap for it,
and Tabitha kind of likes you,
so I'm here to help you get out.
- How are you gonna do that?
- You'll see.
But first you have to promise
that you get outta town
and you don't come back,
because if you do, deal's off.
- Well, I have been thinking
about taking a trip to Cancun.
- Ooh.
Too sunny for me.
But that'll work.
I would like you to
do something for me
before I help you.
- What is it?
- I want you to show me
what you did to Tabitha
that was so good
that she'd want
to save your skin.
- I don't really remember.
I, I did lose my
lucky rabbit's foot.
Can you help me get it back?
[Angel chuckles]
- Sorry.
I don't know
anything about that.
Did you start Tabitha's engine?
Something like this?
[sensual music]
- I think so.
Are, are, are you sure you
haven't seen my lucky foot?
- No!
I have not seen your
lucky rabbit's foot!
[suspenseful music]
- Gary, listen-
- I don't wanna hear it.
Thanks to you, I'm barely
holding my marriage together.
- Me?
Yes, if you hadn't tricked me
into thinking RDU 47 worked,
none of this would've happened.
- I think those college co-eds
are the real source of
your marital of problems.
- What?
Those sweet kids.
- You've got to be kidding me.
Do you know how devastated
Carrie is? [scoffs]
Those girls...
[ominous music]
- Marilyn?
Marilyn?
[ominous music continues]
[heart beating]
I guess some people just don't
know how to lose an argument.
[ominous music continues]
[heart beating]
[suspenseful music]
[ominous music]
[hear beating]
- Tracy, are you okay?
Tracy, are you okay?
[ominous music continues]
[heart beating]
- Marilyn!
Gary, where's Marilyn?
- I don't know.
She took off a while ago.
- I got the antidote.
- Antidote?
- The antidote to RDU 47!
What?
She didn't tell you?
- Tell me what?
- Oh God!
[ominous music]
- k*ller zombie bunnies?
- And k*ller zombie raccoons
and k*ller zombie squirrels.
- I get it. I get it.
So if a person were
to take this drug?
- k*ller zombie humans.
- Oh no.
And this is the antidote.
- Yes.
What, what are you doing?
Where are you going?
[ominous music]
- Nice!
Girls, that's
looking pretty good.
I don't see any reason
why we shouldn't make the
state finals this year.
- Yeah.
- Oh, excuse me.
Can I help you?
Hello?
- Uh, this is private property.
- I think I recognize
one of them.
It's Gary's wife.
I saw her outside their
house the other day.
- Uh-oh.
- We, we didn't mean any harm.
It was all in good fun.
Um.
Excu-
- Hey, what the hell
is your problem, lady?
What the hell's wrong
with you, b*tches?
[coed screaming]
[dramatic music]
[blows thudding]
[coed screaming]
- Oh my god!
What are you doing?
[coed shrieking]
[dramatic music continues]
[blows thudding]
[coed straining]
Get off of me.
Get off of me.
What's wrong with you?
[coed groaning]
[blow thuds]
- He's my man.
[suspenseful music]
- I wouldn't normally bring
somebody like you in here,
but, uh,
this guy had your
name and phone number
on a slip of paper
in his pocket,
the ID was missing.
- Oh, that's okay.
I, I'm sure this has gotta
be some kind of mistake.
[tense music]
- [Detective] You know this man?
- Oh my god, it's Roger.
- When was the last
time you saw him?
- Last night.
We went for drinks.
- What time was this?
- Mm, I don't know.
7:30, 8:00-ish.
- What happened then?
- Well, he got lucky
with this girl.
And they said I shouldn't wait
around for him any longer,
so I left.
- Who's they?
- The girls at Shadows.
It's a strip club on La Cienega.
- Shadows?
New place.
Cheap well drinks,
good looking babes.
- You know, I don't think
they even charged me.
- That's weird.
I dropped a whole week's
paycheck in there.
You and him have an argument?
- No!
- Did you k*ll him?
- Are you crazy?
- Well, one thing's for sure.
This man's dead, m*rder*d,
and somebody is responsible.
- Well, why don't you
check out the club?
- Why, do you think those
little minxes did this?
They're strippers,
son, not stranglers.
- Did you see these
puncture marks on his neck?
He obviously wasn't strangled.
- Look, who's the
detective here?
You or me?
[Jack sighs]
- Can I go now?
- Mm, just don't
try to leave town.
Gas prices are
unbelievable right now.
[Jack sighs]
[suspenseful music]
[door knocking]
- I'm still not sure
exactly why we're here.
What was all that
talk in the car
about being invisible and
secret formulas and whatnot?
Are you some kind of a secret
agent or spy or something?
- Well, if I was, I certainly
couldn't tell you now,
could I?
- That is so hot.
[door knocking]
I don't think anyone's home.
- Shh.
Quiet now.
National security and all.
- Right.
[whimsical music]
- Let's take a look around,
see if we can find
the professor.
- Okay.
Hey, Professor!
Anybody home?
[whimsical music continues]
I don't think anyone's home.
- Yeah, no kidding, huh?
- Well, looks like we have
the whole place to ourselves.
- Right.
Well, we're just gonna
wait for 'em to come home.
The fate of the entire
country could depend on it.
- Wow, that is so hot.
[rock music]
- Now, this is more like it
- Still no professor though.
- Who cares?
This is obviously the
invisibility formula
I've been looking for.
You know what?
Here, you try.
- No, thanks.
I've been down that
road before. [chuckles]
- Oh, come on.
Don't you want to
help out your country?
- Actually, I'm Canadian.
- I said drink it.
[Beth whimpers]
[whimsical music]
Go on.
[whimsical music continues]
- Oh.
- Well, do you feel anything?
- Oh, f*ck, I'm gonna throw up.
This stuff is awful.
[suspenseful music]
- What's the meaning of this?
- Professor, you know,
they say timing is everything.
I was just about to make off
with your invisibility formula,
but it doesn't
seem to be working,
and I need to work.
- Who are you people?
- That's not important.
What is important is I
got every cop in the state
out looking for me,
and I could use a little
bit of invisibility
right about now,
but nothing's happening.
- Did you drink this?
- Yes.
- You fool!
This isn't the
invisibility formula,
this is.
- [Beth] Well, what did I drink?
- Well.
[Beth coughing]
[whimsical music]
[gorilla grunting]
[whimsical music continues]
- Well, Doc, gotta run.
[gorilla grunting]
[whimsical music continues]
- That's a good girl.
- [Kay] You don't
need this. [laughs]
- Who said that?
What's going on?
[blow thuds]
[Gus groans]
- [Kay] Take that and this.
- Ooh.
[Kay laughing]
[blows thudding]
- [Kay] Here you go,
let me help you out.
[Gus groaning]
Had enough, Gus?
- Yeah, I'm outta here.
- Hold it right there.
You're not going to leave
without saying goodbye, are you?
[whimsical music continues]
[gorilla grunting]
[Gus groaning]
Hey, there you are.
- Well, Professor, all's
well that ends well.
- I would have to agree.
- But there's one small thing.
- What's that?
- A little case of $15,000.
- Oh, yes.
- All right.
- About that.
- Oh, man, don't tell
me you don't have it.
- Well-
- I mean, look at this place!
You must be loaded!
- It's my mother's.
- Your mother's?
- I'm afraid so.
- But what about
the university job.
- Assistant professor.
- Assistant?
- Yes.
The janitor makes
more than I do.
[Kay scoffs]
- Well, your
invisibility formula,
you're gonna sell it, right,
and you're gonna be
rich, just like you said?
- Well, you've proven the
formula to be too unstable.
In good conscience, I could
never work with it again.
I'm through.
- Well, I guess it's back
to taking my clothes off
for the girly magazines.
Just think,
I did all of this and I still
ended up back at square one.
- Well, not completely.
I mean, you still have me,
that is if you want me.
- Oh, Professor.
[funky music]
[suspenseful music]
[Jane exhales deeply]
[doorbell rings]
[door clicks and creaks]
- Hello.
My name is Jane,
I'm your neighbor.
I live right across the street.
I just wanted to welcome
you to the neighborhood.
May I come in?
- Oh.
Oh, of course.
[suspenseful music continues]
- I saw you moved
in the other night,
and I wanted to introduce
myself and say hey.
- Hey.
I'm sorry, I didn't
catch your name.
- Morticia.
People just call me Tish.
- You know, it came
as a real surprise
to see you moving in in
the middle of the night.
- Oh, that was-
- Jet lag?
- Right, jet lag.
We're from Europe.
- Yes.
And I also noticed you
didn't have any luggage.
- We travel light.
- Oh, well, I know
how that is. [giggles]
The last time Bob and
I went to Bermuda,
I swear I only
brought seven bags,
and we were there for a
whole week. [chuckles]
- I see.
[Jane chuckles]
- And, um, I actually
stopped by this morning
to introduce myself,
but nobody was home.
- Yes, we were out.
- And I noticed you didn't
have a car in the driveway.
You do have a car, right?
- Well-
[mellow jazz music]
- Jack?
- Huh?
What?
- Did you black out again?
- Uh, um, no, just taking a nap.
- How can you sleep
with your conscience?
[Jack sighs]
- Will you shut up?
- Hey, that ain't
no way to talk.
I've got good news for you.
- Let me guess.
You saved a bunch of
dough on car insurance.
- Funny.
You're free to go.
- Really?
Why?
- DNA on the body
didn't match yours?
It's too bad.
You and I could have
had a mini series.
- So sorry to break up the act.
Maybe next time.
- You're not off the hook yet,
but the judge decided
to grant you bail.
Some chick paid it.
Scat.
- I'm scattin'.
[upbeat music]
[suspenseful music]
[Jane sighs]
- Hmm.
Where is Alexa?
Maybe something happened to her.
Maybe they got her.
[Jane sighs]
[suspenseful music]
Why do I have a feeling
I'm gonna regret this?
[suspenseful music continues]
It's probably locked.
[suspenseful music continues]
[door clicks]
Just my luck.
[suspenseful music continues]
Hello?
Anyone here?
Tish?
Dale?
Alexa?
[suspenseful music continues]
I've gotta to do this.
I have to know for sure.
[suspenseful music continues]
[door squeaks]
Here goes nothing.
[suspenseful music continues]
- Can I help you?
[Jane shrieks]
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
- I just, I...
Stay back!
[Tisha chuckles]
- That's a nice piece.
Is it sterling silver?
- Uh.
[mysterious music]
But the cross?
I...
[mysterious music continues]
- Hmm.
You're lucky I find you
so very, very attractive,
or else I'd simply
k*ll you right now.
Do you understand me?
- Yes.
- Hmm.
Now, you're going to forget
everything you saw here.
You're going to forget
that we are vampires.
Do you understand me?
- I forget.
[Tisha chuckles]
- Good now.
[door slams]
[Tish gasps]
[suspenseful music]
- Jane, what are you doing here?
- I don't know.
I, I, I don't remember.
- You fool!
Why would you try
to do this yourself?
- Why indeed?
[mysterious music]
So you're the infamous
vampire hunter? [scoffs]
And what a fine
specimen you are.
- You're quite stunning
yourself, mistress.
[Tisha chuckles]
- Well, this does present quite
a number of possibilities.
Now, let's see what
type of fun we can have.
- [Gary] Honey, I'm home!
- Welcome home, darling!
[lively music]
What about you?
How was my best fiance's day?
- Oh, well,
I developed this
new formula today,
and I think I'm finally
ready to try it out.
- Babe, don't you
think we've had enough
of untested formulas
for one lifetime?
[lively music continues]
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
[lively music continues]
[Gary laughs]
[suspenseful music]
[ethereal music]
[door knocking]
[door creaking]
[suspenseful music]
- Hello?
Anybody here?
"Vampires can be destroyed
by driving a stake"
through the heart.
Stake?
Steak.
Steak, steak, steak, steak.
Steak.
Nah, this can't be right.
"Or by dousing them
with holy water."
Holy water?
Yeah.
Let's see.
Ah, there it is.
Holy water.
Best if used by 6-6-'06.
I wonder if it's still good.
Ah, smells like
Madonna's armpits.
[Jack sighs]
Well, I sure hope this works.
[suspenseful music]
[door creaks]
Sticky lock, indeed.
[insects chirping]
[suspenseful music]
[fire crackling]
So you didn't know
anything about it?
f*ck!
[vampires moaning]
[suspenseful music continues]
[vampires moaning]
- I'm so glad you
changed your mind.
- Oh, hey.
Uh, hi.
Well, my home situation
has kind of rearranged
itself drastically.
- Mm, sorry to hear about that.
Well, maybe I could help you
forget about your
trouble for a while?
Drink?
- Sure.
Why not?
- This way.
[footsteps clicking]
[mysterious music]
We don't have any rye.
Will bourbon be all right?
- Sure, bourbon will be fine.
- Do you mind?
- Not at all.
[mysterious music continues]
[ominous music]
[mysterious music]
Nothing for you?
- Oh, I find it tends to
deaden the nerve endings.
I wanna feel every
sensation you have to offer.
[Tabitha laughs]
Oh.
You're not gonna
have any trouble
getting lucky tonight, Jack.
- Well, I have to warn you,
I am a bit rusty.
Been sorta on the
shelf for a while.
- Ooh, then let's just
dust off the merchandise
and see what's still working.
[sensual music]
[Tabitha moaning]
You feeling all right, Jack?
- Sure.
I, I just feel a little
strung out right now.
- Hmm, well, we can fix that.
[sensual music continues]
[Tabitha moaning]
- Oh, oh, wait, wait,
I, I wanted to ask you
about my friend Roger.
- [Tabitha] Mm, what about him?
- Well, he, he...
I forget what I was gonna say.
- We'll talk about him later.
Right now I need you
to do something for me
and I need you to do
it hard [moaning].
[ominous music]
[suspenseful music]
[both hissing]
[suspenseful music continues]
- Get off, you
bloodsucking b*tches!
I knew I couldn't trust you two.
[dramatic music]
[Angela hissing]
[dramatic music continues]
Hold it right there, hell spawn.
Don't make me use this.
[dramatic music continues]
Finally, something you
hosebags understand.
- Hey, that's past
it's expiration date.
- Uh-oh.
[dramatic music continues]
[Angela shrieking]
- Son of a b*tch.
- Never underestimate the
power of modern preservatives.
[Tabitha screaming]
[vampire screaming]
[Tabitha groaning]
[Tabitha explodes]
[vampire explodes]
Hmm.
God, it smells like
Madonna's armpits in here!
[mellow music]
[Jack sighs]
At least I showed
those girls whose boss.
Not a bad day, all
things considered.
In fact, I'd say it
was rather lucky.
Mm, it looks like I won't
be needing you anymore.
[mellow music continues]
[mysterious music]
[funky music]
[funky music continues]
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Haunted Hotties (2022)
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