01x02 - Zero Waste

[bunniefuu]

FRIDAY

Get out! If Clara sees you
in the elevator, you're dead.

-Really?
-Is this Emmanuelle?

-Yes.
-Oh, hi, Emma!

I'm Helena.

-Hello.
-Pleasure. Marie-Ange.

-Victoire's mom.
-Nice to meet you.

-Love that hair. So cute. I love it!
-Thanks.

So Victoire has a lot, a lot of allergies.

Paracetamol and nuts, hair and fur
from pretty much every animal.

Romy is adorable.

Papa, someone stole
my box of markers.

Romy, look in your room.
I'm sure they're...

Parenting is not as simple
as reading The Child's Brain.

It's for job.

Emma's writing a thesis
on child psychology.

She'll be fine with the girls.

That's good, 'cause Romy has
a strong personality like her mama.

I've looked everywhere,
but can't find my favorite pelican shirt.

-Is that right?
-Someone must've taken it.

You think it's been taken?

Or is it possible
that you're wearing it right now?

Okay.

So, how is Inès?

-She's fine, a bit tense.
No, no, no.

Don't do that. Leave your jacket on.

Actually, you leave us
because this is our home, of course.

-I'm not trying to push you out.
-Fred.

-No, no, no. Stay if you want but...
-Okay.

Uh, Fred and I talked and we wanna
set up a lunch soon so we can all meet.

-Yeah? Oh, that's sweet, right?
-Really? When did we discuss that?

We... talked about that.
Or we don't have to.

We're going to come, but, um,
me, I can't do the third or the second.

I'm rehearsing all day.
I'm not available at all.

Wait, Inès and I have Café Broc
on the third and fourth...

-Well...
-And after the 5th I'm swamped everyday.

-I have a new client in Asia.
-Why don't we do it some other year?

-Sunday could always work.
-Maybe.

-Sunday's good for me.
-Is Sunday good for you?

Sunday? Which Sunday?

This Sunday.

-In two bedtimes?
-Uh, this...

Um, well, it's a bit soon
considering she, uh, just settled in.

Oh, perfect! That's super.

-Yeah, perfect. So perfect.
-Well, we'll see you Sunday.

Awesome!
-Okay, bye-bye.

-Bye, Emma. Bye, Fred.
-Bye.

Yeah.

ZERO
CONSUMPTION

Aren't you stressed
having to hang out with all of them?

No, I can do it. It's normal.

-And it's important for the girls.
-Very.

Mmm.

I'd bet $10,000
that the exes will love you.

-You're betting in dollars?
-Always.

-Really?
-Or cryptocurrency. Yep.

Mmm, mmm.

But I don't want them to love me.
I just want them to accept me.

If you weren't my girlfriend
I'd want you to be my stepmother.

-That's really weird.
-Really weird. Kinda bizarre, huh?

Come on, Dad, please.

It's called the "no consumption challenge"
on social media.

I think we can not buy anything
for one weekend, don't you?

-No consumption.
-Right.

-So we don't buy anything?
-That's right.

-To the left.
-It sounds like a great idea.

-I swear it's awesome!
-Getting warmer.

-We'll have to do it sometime.
-The planet can't wait for another time.

Look, it's only Friday
and look at how much trash has piled up.

-That's not normal.
-Don't worry. Nowadays they compact it.

-Dad, but it doesn't just...
-Romy! Romy, please. Can you please stop?

-Just tell her where the sauce is.
-Are you kidding? You always do it.

That? I've never done that.

-That's a yes for us to do the challenge?

-Please!
-See? You just did it.

No, it's not the same.

You do...
I do...

-A double...
-What's the difference?

Well, there's two...

And no, it's my first weekend with Emma.

-Ah, no, it's not a problem.
-Ah!

No, you're sweet, honey.

But on Sunday, your mothers are coming.
We gotta cook, and they're picky eaters,

especially your mom, Clara,
everything's gotta be gluten-free and...

-But look.
-There's nothing.

-There's a lot of things.
-There's nothing.

-There's some leeks.
-Great.

We can make them with mayonnaise,
or braise them.

Yep, I'll eat leeks in the morning.
Leeks for dessert. Leeks for all meals.

-There are lots of recipes!
-I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

It could be a good idea.
It would force us to be creative.

-Thank you, Emmanuelle.
-But I think leeks taste gross.

-Yeah, that would make two of us.
-What if we just do it half the weekend?

-I think that's a great idea.
-So, yeah, we'll compromise.

It'll be fun. It's a good thing to do
and we'll make stuff.

-We'll all cook together as a family.
-You're right.

I'll do it. The whole family
is up for the challenge, we'll do it.

It'll be an amazing
first weekend with Emmanuelle.

SATURDAY

Hello.

-Don't mind me.
-Romy, what are you doing?

-Go to the living room.
-A little more.

-I'll be right there.
-Thank you.

Please. Please.

Good morning, Romy.
How are you doing today?

Come on. Crush him!

Papa, I can't find my flip-flops.

Have you looked down at your feet?

Ha-ha. Very funny.
Do you have your swimsuit?

If you want
we could go swimming after my lesson.

I'm sorry, I'm meeting a friend, Vic.

Looks like you're stuck
with your daddy this time.

-Okay.

Let's have a brunch instead.

Looks like, uh, Laurence
wants to have brunch instead of a lunch.

-Okay.
-It's not ideal, brunch is pretty long.

Do you wanna suggest something shorter,
like, uh,

chips and a drink on the doorstep.

-Then we'll say goodbye and they leave.
-Come on.

Are leeks gonna be all right for brunch?
Because that's all we've got.

It's not the best.

But I once made a romantic dinner
with just carrots and chili pepper.

Leeks for brunch is classy
compared to that.

I'm excited! I love brunch
and leeks are my favorite!

Well, that's great!

You can have anything you want
you just can't go shopping.

Hurry up, Clara,
Stan's gonna be waiting for us.

Yeah, all right, I'm hurrying.

And why didn't you take the stairs?
You're wasting power.

Hey, Clara.

I saw you're doing
the No Consumption Challenge.

That's sick.

I can't wait to hear how it goes.

Keep me posted. See you.

He looked at my post.

He looked at my post.
He looked at my post!

Hello, Mr. Kadiake.

They need some time
to get used to it.

It's normal, but it's been good.
It's good.

Sunday, their mothers
are coming for brunch, and we...

-Did you say mothers?
-Yeah.

Sunday. Sunday as in tomorrow.

So you're gonna meet the three mothers
of your boyfriend's three kids

because you can't just choose a guy
with one ex-wife like everybody else.

And you're not literally
freaking out right now?

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Give me a name.

Whose name?

-An ex!
-Uh...

Marie-Ange Delors. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Look, look.

Marie-Ange Delors, CEO of Cosmévic,

runs the leading organic cosmetics brand
with pugnacity and authority.

You can find her portrait
in Challenge Magazine.

-No way, Emma, this girl's ruthless.
-Will you just stop it, please?

I know Clara's mother.
She's really, really nice.

-It's not about being nice, Emma.
-And I'm sure...

They're here to hunt you,
to observe you

and judge if you'll be a good enough
stepmother for their little brats.

They'll want to control everything.
It's like at work.

The mothers always want to see
the drawings the kids make,

but art therapy is between the kid and me.

What happens between me and the girls
is what counts.

But think about it for a second.

If it goes wrong, the mothers will say
rude things about you, criticize you,

and you'll be seen as a wicked stepmother.
The girls will hate you too.

I don't need them to love me.
I want them to accept me.

They're going to be miserable
every weekend,

Fred will feel guilty,
you'll fight all the time,

you'll breakup within two months.

But if you're very well prepared.

Maybe...

You'll survive.

I'm always here for you.

Dude, you know I've always got your back.

Don't worry. It's all going great.

It's going great. It's going fine.

Well, it's going all right.

I just want her
to feel comfortable with the family.

I want my family
to feel comfortable with her.

But I don't want you to think
I'm stressed out,

because there's absolutely, positively,
no reason to stress out.

She's not stressed out.
The girls aren't stressed out.

My exes aren't stressed out.
Nobody's stressed out, there's no stress.

I don't get it, but you're stressed out.

Of course I am. Can you imagine?
My girlfriend just met my daughters.

She's moving in with me, and now
she has to spend time with my ex-wives.

How could I not be stressed out, huh?

-Uh, Stan, you lost your cap.
-I didn't have a cap.

But what's more important thing
is your love for each other.

-That's all.
-Of course that's it.

-Nothing else matters.
-Love makes all the stress disappear.

You're exactly right. Put it there, buddy.

Careful, there's a hole down here.

It's called a pool, Stan.

-There is definitely a hole there.
-It's one big hole.

Okay, butterfly?

I think your daughters are adorable.

All three of them, really,
and they're very mature. Yes.

No. No.

No, really, I think...
No, I don't think.

I find. I find your daughters...

...very mature, adorable.

Yeah.

I'm an expert in children's brains...
No! You sound like a psychopath.

I wanted to know
how to listen to them,

how to help them, how to...

Crap.

Helena, what is she into?

Elle.

The magazine?

-Elle, as in Helena.
-Ah.

And Laurence and Inès,
how long have been together?

-What are you doing?
-Hmm?

What are you doing?

I'm preparing some conversation topics
in case...

Conversation topics.
What do you think this is?

-An interview for a job?
-But it's their daughters.

-And they're going to judge me.
-No one's judging you.

We'll get through this.
I'm stressed as well.

They want to get to know you,
that's normal. That's all.

Alrighty then.

-Alrighty then?
-What?

-You said "Alrighty then."

My Canadian comes out when I'm stressed.

-I love it. It's cute.
-You like that I'm exotic?

I love it. I love it.
Don't worry. It's gonna be awesome.

There's a child in here.

No.

Canadian expression?

-No.
-Oh, that's incredible!

-A child.
-Behind you.

-Huh?
-There's a child behind you.

Ah. Whoa. Hey.

We got a problem. It's private.

Have you seen Romy's binky?

What?

Romy's binky. Have you seen it?

I don't want to judge.
This is from a professional perspective,

but aren't you worried
that at nine she still uses a binky?

When you made the bed, did you
happen to see a stinky little gray thing?

It had red eyes.

-Tabernacle.
-No, no. Come on, please.

Oh, no, no.
I shook the sheets out the window.

I can't believe after all this time,
it still would've been out there.

I threw away her transitional object.
Can you imagine?

That's the worst thing I could do.

No, I can't imagine,
but it doesn't matter.

Honeybun, it's a binky.

Well, it's Romy's binky.

And tomorrow we have the brunch
and Helena is coming over.

What about Helena?

Well, the binky was made out of clothes.
Helena's clothes.

Oh, no, stop. Oh, no.

I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

SUNDAY

Your stuff smells like poo.

It's not stuff, I'm making Marseille soap
without a bunch of nasty chemicals.

If it's not supposed to be nasty,
why does it smell like poo then?

The braised leeks!

Please tell me they're not burning.
No, no, no!

-Looks like we're ordering food.
-No, no, no, no.

-Yes, we will, Clara.
-We can't order.

Romy, go get dressed.
We'll find your binky.

-It's not a binky.
-Fine, it's not a binky. Go, go.

-Please pick up your phone someone.
-It's yours.

We've got leeks galore.
We can make some soup.

Excellent idea.
Who's calling me on Sunday morning?

You see? You can't find your stuff either.

Hi.
-What are you... No, no, no.

-What are you doing? You're too early.
-Don't tell me I didn't tell you, Fred.

-I've been calling all morning.
-You never called.

-Check your phone.
-I didn't get it.

-Hello!
-Hello.

-It smells... Oh, dear.
-Yeah, it's...

I'm done, Mom. Look.
-All right.

WLCOM

Do you not like the letter "E," Vic?
What did it do to you?

Buenos días, everybody!

Why are you already here?

I have to have a chat with Emmanuelle.

-A private chat, Elena.
-Because we're all in my home.

Actually, this is my home.

And speaking of,
I'll be needing those keys.

Ah, yeah, yeah, you'll get it.

-Take your time.
-Hello? Good morning!

-Wow. Okay. Great.
-You betcha.

We were planning on bringing you
maple syrup, don't you know,

but this little caribou forgot about it.

This new accent. Where did you get it?

It's a Quebec accent!
We didn't practice enough.

I can tell.
-No, it's not bad.

-Really, it's good.
But it's a nice try.

I'm freaking out about the binky.
I feel like we should tell her.

Communication is key.

We could be causing Romy trauma
by lying to her like this.

What you're saying is here, it's great,
and I love you so much.

-More than anything.
-I love you.

But you need to know something.

If she finds out we're the ones
that lost her binky,

you and I are dead.

She'll k*ll both of us.

And thank you so much for homework
and activities on the weekend.

-Everything's on a shared file, okay?
-No, no. That' fine.

-Yeah? Great.
-I'm starving.

What's wrong, cariño?
You're acting weird, mi vida. Hmm?

So, Marie-Ange, you've been
the CEO of Cosmévic

for nine years, right?

-Ah, are you sitting on my pregnancy ball?
-Uh, yeah, I think it is.

-How sweet.
-I had the same one.

-No.
-Isn't that the one we had for Jonas?

-But we had the same one.
-We had a purple one. That's right.

I hate leeks, and I hate today.

So, Helena...
Helena, you do plays I understand?

Do plays!

No, no, I'm an actress.

Ah.

-Please forgive me.
-There's a difference I think.

Doing plays, is just play.

And I don't play. I am.

-You are?
-I am.

-She is.
-Actress. I act.

-I am, I act.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Ah, okay.
-Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Actor. Actress.

-Fred, you never believed in me. Never.
-Of course I did.

Okay, moving on from that.

Today's menu, so lovingly prepared
by my sweet Emmanuelle.

Leek soup and also crispbreads
with Italian salt butter.

Be careful, it's excellent.

Nobody eat before I go live. Ready?
Hi, everyone.

So today I'm taking you behind the scenes
of my No Consumption Challenge.

This is how we're doing brunch,
it looks delicious.

-Come on, Romy, stop it.
-Romy, don't exaggerate, it's not bad.

Actually...

It's pretty good.

I feel like it cleans my mouth
when I eat it.

Clean, that's the right word.
It tastes clean.

It tastes like my Marseille soap.

I made it in the soup pot earlier.

-You didn't rinse it?
-No.

Sorry, I didn't know it was dirty.

You didn't...
I'm calling the poison control center.

No need to go freaked out.
We're getting dramatic.

I like it.
I think it tastes like pistachio.

-There you go.
-No, spit. Spit it out, Victoire!

You think it's that dangerous?
-Get it all out. It's poisonous.

Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out.
All of it. Stick out your tongue.

-Honestly, you're over-reacting.
-Are you okay?

-Take it easy.
-How do you feel?

Can I be excused?
-Yes.

But tell me
if your stomach hurts or itches.

-Come on, it's not that bad.
It is that bad.

Worst weekend ever.

Romy, please don't,
that's not fair of you.

Nothing's here. And I never wanted
to do this challenge.

And I still don't have my...
Binky.

-You lost your binky?
-Really?

You lost your binky?

- Helena, it's at your place.
-No, it's no at my place.

I put it in the bag.
I remember putting it in the bag.

-Romy, I need to...
-I put it in the washing machine,

but it was too hot in there,
so I took the binky out...

It was a terrible thing for me to do.

What?

But it wasn't my fault, sweetie,
I'm sorry.

I didn't even know you had a binky,
it was an accident.

-I wanted to shake the covers...
-It doesn't matter.

But you managed to sleep without it.

Congratulations,
you got rid of your transitional object.

It's a sign of maturity.

-The what? The transitional object!
Attagirl.

It's a positive thing, I swear.

It not gonna work, Vic.

Yes, it will.
We'll say we made it together.

Otherwise she'll hate you,
and I don't want her to hate you.

That is so, so nice, Vic,
but I think the damage has been done.

No, look. It's the exact same binky.

-Ah...
-It's good, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Ah! Fabric from the sleeve
was a good idea.

The original had it, too.

It's good for when your arm is hot.

But it's missing some eyes,
and I don't have any buttons, and...

But they're my buttons.

Who didn't...
You already had a piece, right?

Yeah.
-Great.

Thanks for taking part in Earth's m*rder.

-Sorry, honey, I'm hungry.
-It was just in case, Clara.

-Great.
-And I'm glad one of us thought of it.

-Ta-da! Here, Romy.
-What is that thing?

It's her new binky.
With clothes from the whole family.

A piece of Dad's T-shirt,
a piece of Clara's T-shirt,

-Emmanuelle's buttons.
-That's my New York shirt!

-It's my favorite.
-This is genius. A no consumption Binky.

-So cool I'm gonna post it.
So adorable.

It's so cute.

It's really cute.
It's a great binky.

I think that
Emmanuelle is right.

I don't need a binky anymore.

What? Uh?

Thank you.

Liked by Alexis and 2 others

He liked my post!

-Is it always on?
-Well...

Because I called Fred.
He can never be bothered to answer his.

-I can hear you. I'm right here.
-Come on, Vic. Vic?

-Well, thanks again.
-It was our pleasure.

-Until next week.
-We should do it again. Bye. See you.

-Bye, Emmanuelle.
-Love you, Vic. Bye. Ciao.

-Bye.
-Bee good. Ciao.

Have a good week.
We'll see you at the café.

Of course I'll be there.

-So you're best friends now?
-Well...

I'm gonna beat you.

-You lose!
-You win.

Mr. Booger! Yay!

That's unbelievable!
It was in your bag?

Things happen.
Don't make a big deal out of it.

That's life.

Well, then, ciao, Manu.

Bye.

-It was good to see you.
-Thanks. Thank you.

-Ciao.
-Bye, gordito.

Hey! On the lips.

-See ya.
-We don't...

-Bye, Romy, see you next week.
-And don't touch anything.

-Romy?
-We will not touch a thing.

We won't touch anything.
See you next week.

Bye.
-Love you.

I was thinking.

Maybe we shouldn't invite my three exes
for brunch every weekend.

-Why?
-Having them all here at once

is a little intense.

-It was great.
-And the leek of course. Oh.

You know it was a symbol of evil
in many civilizations?

-Ancient ones like the Mayans, the Celts.
-Really? Well, I believe it.

I should stop serving leeks
at my weddings.

-No, that's not funny.
-Not at all.

You know what?

It's not true that I just want
your daughters to accept me.

I do want them to like me.

And I think
they're really, really awesome.

Because now I'm their... You know what?

Say it. You can do it.

-Help me.
-Step...

-Step. Mother.
-Mother.

-Yeah. Mama.
-Stepmother. Mama.

-Yeah.
-To our love.

Uh, let's order something.
Sure. What do you want?

Italian? Chinese? Indian?
Or wait. Do you like fish and chips?

Oh, awesome,
I made the family picture wall.

Yeah? Romy chose them,

because she says in her heart,
you're part of the family.

Romy did? She chose the best ones.

When we're feeling down,
we'll look at your face in the pictures

-and feel better right away.
-Glad I can help.