02x08 - Home Sweet Home

[bunniefuu]

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

All right.

There we go. There we go. Good.

All right.

Okay.

-(PHONE VIBRATING)
-Uh, yeah. No, hold on. Hold on.

Hold on, hold on.

OSTEOPATHY

Cousin Rodrigue, three missed calls.
Oh, wow!

(LINE RINGING, BEEPS)




(VOICEMAIL) Hello, you have reached
Rodrigue Ledraine.

I'm not available at the moment,
but please leave me a message.

(IN FRENCH) Hello, you have reached
Rodrigue Ledraine.

I am not available for the moment.
Please leave me a message.

(IN ENGLISH) Come on. No Spanish. Argh!

(IN SPANISH) Hello, this is answering machine
of Rodrigue Ledraine. I'm not available.

Leave me a message and I'll give you a call back.

Maybe, Chinese now.

(IN MANDARIN) Hello.

Chinese, seriously?
Okay. Later, man.

Yeah, they offer lots of other work...

FRIDAY

-You're already here.
-Hey, Dad.

Rodrigue sent me a bunch of texts.



You have to call him.
I'm begging you. Please.

I swear he has a sixth sense.

-(PHONE VIBRATING)
-He always knows when I'm not available.

He's already calling me back again.

I'll call him back later, okay?

-Okay.
-Great.

So, about these options, where we at?

Science, mathematics, Baudelaire,
Einstein, Ellen Musk?

Ellen Musk? Elon Musk.

It's Ellen Musk.

This is serious. Okay, Fred?

Sweetie, really,
you should pick your own electives.

-Pick what you want.
-You choose.

I mean, it's your choice. Your future.

-It's all you, okay?
-Cool.

I'm glad you say that,
because I was worried

-you'd push me to do what you do.
-(LAURENCE LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) No way.

-Why? Do you think you want to?
-No.

-No?
-As a matter of fact,

-I don't want to at all. Cool.
-It's fine. It's fine.

I just want to be really
clear about this point.

-Okay.
-Because, you know, with the

pile of books, I thought maybe,
it was to influence me a little.

(LAUGHS)

-They're on osteopathy.
-I'm sorry.

Excuse me, but since when
do we use books to influence?

Too obvious, really.

No. I brought them to just, uh,
to make some room in my office.

-Yeah, right. Of course.
-Sweetie, what do you wanna do? Yeah?

So, okay. I made a list of all the forums

-with job profiles.
-Okay, good.

-Those are based on everybody's...
-ROMY: Hi, everyone.

CLARA: Hey.
LAURENCE: Hi.

FRED: Hey, what's going on?
Why are you all by yourself?

Dude, I'm a big sister.

(LAURENCE LAUGHS) That is so cute.

I'm gonna get a skateboard
for me, too, because...

Enough with the noise.
Cut it out with the skateboard!

Worse case, I could choose cooking,
you know?

Because, then we can eat well
every weekend.

-That's mean, Clara.
-(LAUGHS)

Uh, no, Dad. No.

How did you manage to grow so big then?

-Thanks to Papanou the Chef.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)

So, okay. Come on, come on.
Let's continue.

-Hello?
-Mr. Mercier?

-And you are?
-Balthazar Bristol.

Ah.

-Okay.
-Balthazar Bristol!

-Yeah. I got it, yeah.
-(LAUGHS)

Huh? Huh?

-Can't believe it.
-A-ha!

Descartes High. You haven't changed a bit.

-Right?
-No. No, I'm someone else.

Balthazar Bristol from the show
Nothing By Chance with Balthazar?

Every Thursday, 7:15 at prime time?

7:15 is prime time, you sure?

Isn't prime time a little bit later though,
but I don't...

-No? No?
-(LAUGHS)

You're nitpicking, Mr. Mercier.

-No, I'm pretty...
-Because we're only 45 minutes off, right?

-I don't think so.
-Is this the living room here?

-Uh, yeah.
-And the front window?

-Yeah, this is my home.
-Ah. Oh, my.

But, anyway, you are in my apartment.

Hello. Balthazar Bristol.

Isn't that guy on TV?

-Wait, who?
-CLARA: He's the guy from TV.

Yeah. He's on Prime time Access.
I know that guy.

It's basically prime time.

That's what I told your father.
It's basically the same.

-He's not my dad, but my ex.
-BALTHAZAR: Ah.

(LAUGHS) Well, either you look too young
or he looks too old.

Uh, no, I'm pretty sure
I don't look old.

I've heard that I don't look my age.
Like, people have said that.

Yeah. Well, look, we're not here
to play "Whose father is whose?"

But rather, how can we beautify

this four-bed apartment with this,
kind of, baroque flair.

Oh, yeah? Well, it suits me.
It reflects my personality.

Ah. It really is all over the place,
you know? (LAUGHS)

You must have some serious
inner conflicts, right?

-Um, I wouldn't say that.
-Huh? He must have some real issues,

-your pops.
-But, it's pastel.

-So, normally, it's...
-Excuse me, but why are you here?

Did we win a contest.

Are we gonna be on TV?

(LAUGHS) No. No, no.
It's not why I'm here. Sorry.

You just don't have the profile.

Right now, I'm working off the mic.

I'm working for a private party.
That's all.

(LAUGHS) I'm pretty sure
it doesn't mean that.

-Yeah, it sort of means.
-FRED: No. Yeah, right.

Hey, honey. Meet "Mr. Kinda Knows Grammar
and Quasi-Prime Time."

Just two hours early.

Well, Mr. Mercier,

I was contracted by Mr. Ledran
to sell this apartment.

So, it'll be better if we get along.

It'll be easier for everyone.

-Well, it's just that. (LAUGHS)
-LAURENCE: I don't know.

"Mr. Ledraine..."

-"Ledran."
-It's pronounced "Ledraine."

-It's Rodrigue.
-Mmm-hmm.

Rodrigue. He wants...

-Could I please have a word?
-Hmm.

He wants to sell the apartment.

-Oh, he's selling.
-LAURENCE: But it's so...

Not in the mood to make jokes now, are we?

-But who's Rodrigue?
-Well, Rodrigue's my cousin.

He's been renting to Fred for years now.

He's been living on Réunion Island,

so he didn't need it,
but now, he's selling it.

-Wait a minute, why didn't you tell me?
-So, your father never mentioned it?

He's not my father. He's my boyfriend.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) But you look so old.

-I don't. Uh, no. Uh, no.
-You do. Uh, yes.

-Anyway, Mr. Mercier...
-Yeah.

...I want you to know
that I'm the best at this.

-FRED: All right.
-I'll be selling this apartment

-lightning-fast.
-Okay, but you'll be sorely mistaken.

-I'll do it. Uh, yeah.
-No.

-Well, no. It's impossible.
-BALTHAZAR: In one weekend.

You think you're gonna sell this apartment
in a weekend?

-My apartment?
-Uh-huh. And this weekend.

-This weekend? My apartment?
-This weekend.

-Mmm, baby. Absolutely.
-This weekend?

-Oh, I bet you can't.
-See,

you're living here without a contract,
so technically speaking,

it's not your apartment.

And yes, I will sell it in a single visit.

I have someone who's very,
very, very interested.

Super.

But tough break for you,
'cause what you're doing is ill*gal.

-I...
-Yeah.

Oh, man. He's clever.

-(CHUCKLES) Well then.
-Ah, he got me there.

-Ciao.
-He's very good.

-We got a lawyer in the place, huh?
-Yeah.

-Ooh! No one pull one over on you.
-No.

-No one's messing with this guy.
-Yeah, no.

I'll see you tomorrow morning then.
All right.

What? No, no, no.

There isn't... Tomorrow morning
we are not here.

We have to... We're going out,
uh, with the kids, like we said.

-You remember the outing we planned?
-EMMA: Yeah.

-Yeah.
-(LAUGHS) Hey.

That was good. You're all very good, huh.

-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
-I mean it.

No one gets past you. You got me twice.

(GRUNTS)

-(EXCLAIMS)
-How am I gonna arrange the tour then?

-Uh, too bad.
-Argh.

I have a spare. So, I'll be here
tomorrow morning at 9:45.

Okay?

It's impossible, impossible.
It's a mistake, it's not possible.

We're not moving from here.
We'll figure it out.

He's wrong. He has to be.

-I'm calling Rodrigue. I'll call him.
-What was that?

I don't know.

We're not leaving. Hey.

We're not leaving this apartment.
No, we are not.

Not buying all this Balthazar business.

No more lame wordplay, okay?

All right.

-It's time.
-You're all set?

-We'll have to tell him eventually.
-Yeah.

-Why not now? It's fine.
-Okay.

Hey, it'll be fine.
He's really been chill these days.

-Well, that's great.
-Relax, it's all good.

-No, no, honey.
-No?

FRED: This isn't possible!
No frickin' way! No!

No!

-VICTOIRE: Hi, Daddy.
-Hey, you.

-Wait, you're all alone?
-What?

-VICTOIRE: Oh. Well, yeah.
-Okay. All right.

She just leaves you
at the doorstep now, huh?

VICTOIRE: Hey, everybody.
ALL: Hi.

FRED: So, it's confirmed.

Uh, Rodrigue is selling the apartment,

because he's setting up a new business
in Réunion and needs the cash.

Wait, what kinda business is it?

What kinda business?
How would I know what he's been planning.

Is it that interesting
what kinda business he's setting up?

No! Because the bottom-line here
is that we gotta go!

You know, when he starts
to take that tone, it's my cue to leave.

CLARA: Love you.

Don't let your father influence you.
It's your choice.

Yeah, don't worry.

LAURENCE: Bye, Vic.

FRED: How can he do this to us? To me?

I mean do this to family. This is nuts.

Do you know him well, this cousin? Or...

Well, uh...

Well, for sure. I mean, yeah.

I saw him this one time when he gave us
the, uh, the keys to this place.

I remember we had such a good time.
It was great.

Yeah, we were real buddies
for like an hour, and...

How can he do this to me?

What? We're moving out?

But we grew up here. It's our home.

Hey, that's my sweater.
And it's completely stained, too.

Oh, it's fine. You have plenty.

But since Nino was born, I've had to live
here all alone with nothing to wear,

-so there you go.
-Give it back. Take it off.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) Whatever.
It's ugly now, so keep it.

That's my shirt, too.

-It's the shirt Nolan gave me.
-Are you sure?

Oh, man. Seriously, I'm so sick of you.

I hope we move. At least then,
I'll have my own room.

My socks. My floral socks aren't here.

Argh, they're my favorite socks.
Did you take them?

You're barefoot?

Romy!

Now, girls.

As you might know...
Why're you dressed like that?

I'm making sure they don't get stolen.

So, now, girls.

As you may know, our home is being taken.

Okay? But I didn't let
myself get overwhelmed.

-(EMMA CLEARS THROAT)
-Okay, maybe a little.

But I managed to pull
myself together quickly,

because for me,
when the family gets attacked,

the family counter-attacks.

-Right, Clara?
-He's right.

Because there have been precedents, or...

Well, no. Because, see,
I've always anticipated things like that.

As soon as I sense some threats,
I just block them.

Like a chess player. Know what I'm sayin'?

But you don't know how to play chess.

(SIGHS) Come on. Not the problem.
Whether I can or not doesn't matter.

I just think like
a chess player, you know?

-Ah.
-The Kasparov of life.

I mean, they used to call me...

I'm not a bad player, but whatever.

-That's how I see myself.
-(EMMA LAUGHS)

And who cares anyway, you know?

I have a perfect plan,
meaning precise, methodic...

Dad, enough with the synonyms. Your plan?

So, the idea would be... Hold on.

We're gonna make an offer
that Balthazar can't refuse.

(SNAPS FINGERS) Bam!

-Okay, so what is it?
-FRED: Yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't say.

The idea is that we'll bribe him
with a little cash. (EXCLAIMS)

-CLARA: Bribe?
-(SCATS) Balthazar, yeah.

-You sure?
-FRED: Hmm?

How much are you gonna offer?

Uh, I haven't thought about it yet,
but I'm thinking we'll give him...

Dad, realtors charge 3%
of the total selling price.

(LAUGHING) That's nuts. Come on.

So, if you're bribing, it's gotta be 5%
of the price of this apartment.

-5%?
-CLARA: 5%.

EMMA: Yeah.
FRED: 5% is like...

High. It's too high. Come on, it's...

-We're screwed.
-FRED: We're not screwed,

because I'm a "Solution Big Pappa,"
isn't that true?

-No, Big Pappa, you're not. I'm sorry.
-We're "solution girls."

Where did "solution girls" come from?
You know...

Well, ever since Romy acted like Emma
for 24 hours through text,

-and you didn't even know.
-Right.

And I made you miss a flight to Montréal

-just by having your passport.
-VICTOIRE: Mmm-hmm.

Uh, duh.

You got to admit,
the girls are pretty good.

-FRED: Yeah, it's not...
-But, hey,

it might be pretty neat to move anyway,
right? Like, it's a fresh start,

-you know?
-I got it!

We can use your skeleton,
from your office.

Listen, we'll tell Balthazar
someone died in the apartment.

And since then, it's haunted.

-Not bad.
-VICTOIRE: Haunted houses are scary

because they are all old and gross.

And the apartment is far from gross.

-So, uh...
-That's it.

That's a great idea.
Let's make the apartment unlivable.

Operation unsanitarisation.

CLARA: Unsanitariness.

(GASPS)

No.

VICTOIRE: This here is mine.

SATURDAY

This is also mine.

Whether we move or not, I don't want you
touching my stuff anymore.

-And that's mine.
-Stop it. Cut it out.

It's my size, not yours.

-No. You give it back. Let go of it.
-Why can't you just let me have it?

-Come on. Give it to me.
-Wear your own clothes.

-Let go of it! It's mine, Romy!
-That's mean!

-It's mine! It's mine!
-No! Let go!

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey! (SHUSHES)

-(MR. KADIAKE SHOUTING)
-Come on, quiet. Kadiake.

I hear you all the way from the
living room. What are you fighting for?

What did I say about the volume?
I need you at a three.

-Man, you're at 35 here.
-We were not 35. We were at 11, max.

I don't believe you. I'm done.

-She took my T-shirt.
-Shh!

The real-estate man is on his way.

-I need to concentrate...
-But he's being annoying, too.

The noise is coming
from in here, Romy. Okay?

So, let's calm down.

Wait, I just got an idea, Papa,
to get rid of Balthazar.

Why don't we move the source of the noise?

Not sure what you mean,
but good work, Romy.

-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-Hello, hello, Merciers.

-Hello.
-Hi.

-(SNIFFS) What's that smell?
-FRED: What?

-EMMA: Huh?
-Uh, well, yes.

-It smells bad, right?
-Yeah?

-It smells. It smells bad.
-Yeah. It smells bad. Yeah, true.

But it did yesterday, too. So...
It's the sewers.

(LAUGHS) False. Yesterday, it was fine.

-It did stink yesterday.
-No.

-It smelled worse, remember?
-No.

-Yes. Oh, yes.
-No. Uh-uh.

It's just during the winter, ma'am,
that it can get a little unpleasant.

Because you have to leave
the windows open all day.

-Mrs. Danielle here...
-Pretty cold.

...is very, very, very interested
in your apartment.

-Oh, okay.
-Well obviously, you'll need to imagine...

-Hello.
-Hello. Sorry.

-The kitchen. Follow me, Mrs. Danielle.
-Perfect.

Listen, this is a property
that has lots and lots of potential.

-Ignore the odors.
-(DOOR CLOSES)

Nah, forget about the decor, too,
'cause it's a bit much.

Um, "much" in a good way,
because it's baroque chic decor.

-So...
-(LAUGHS)

-"Baroque chic"?
-FRED: Yeah. Well...

So, one kitchen, open plan,

with kitchen island overlooking
the living room.

Some load-bearing walls,
but redesign exactly the way you want it.

And very lucky for you, they are keeping
their furniture. Whew!

Anyone want anything to drink?

-Is anyone thirsty, maybe? No?
-No, thank you. No.

-You sure?
-Anyway, so we have three bedrooms...

Oh, my.

-Got a bit of a problem there.
-I'm sorry?

Not mineral water.

-Is it?
-Oh, this?

No. I mean, that's true.

Well, actually, we have a problem

-with the water system here.
-(CLEARS THROAT)

-But we told the city. It's been years.
-DANIELLE: Really?

It can't be fixed, apparently.

It's inside all the pipes.
Some residual asbestos.

Well, I don't know exactly.
But, whatever. You get used to it.

-So, at first, it causes...
-How awful.

...slight, uh, stomach aches.

You should know I used to have hair.

DANIELLE: Huh?

Gone. Gone with the wind.

-God!
-(CHUCKLES) Like they say,

and, uh, you can expect,
at first, some ulcers.

But then, hey, it restores
the intestinal flora afterward.

I hope you don't mind throwing up.
It'll start happening a lot.

BALTHAZAR: No, no, no. It's nothing.

It's just a gasket that needs changing.

It's 20 cents. I'll do it myself, okay?

FRED: It's four euros actually.

Fine. 4 euros.
I'll deduct it, all right. All set.

-Oh, sure.
-I'll leave you some Iodine tablets,

because they told us that there was
a little bit of radioactivity here.

-Right, honey?
-EMMA: Yeah.

(BALTHAZAR LAUGHS)

-All righty.
-(GAGS)

Looking at the information
provided by Mr. Ledran,

-you can check it out for yourself. See.
-Oh, yeah. Okay.

DANIELLE: Yeah, you sent it to me already.

BALTHAZAR: Ah, better safe than sorry.
DANIELLE: But, thank you.

FRED: Do you have a problem with mold?

-Do you mind it, ma'am?
-DANIELLE: Huh?

We don't mind it because we don't...
Wanna see?

-Sure, please, I would.
-FRED: Because, you know,

he took a very quick look
at the apartment.

-No.
-FRED: Just skimmed over it,

is more like it.

-BALTHAZAR: I'll send you the...
-Go, go, go.

So, uh, voilà.

-Here's what I meant. See there?
-Oh, yeah.

FRED: You can see
a lot of things in there.

It's fun. I try to find neat shapes.
There I see a dog.

More like a swallow or something.

Anyway, think of it as a painting.
It isn't.

In fact, it's a fungus.

And it gives off a toxin
that causes allergies.

My daughters are constantly wheezing.

I'm serious.
I can tell which one is close by the sound.

Ah. That's fortuitous.
Mrs. Danielle's an allergist.

-Oh, yeah?
-So, she'd be an expert.

I'm a pediatrician.

Yes, well...

It's almost... Right? Same degree.

(SCOFFS) He's "Mr. Kinda Prime Time."
So, you know?

I mean, he "kinda" knows. So, anyway,

yeah, strangely enough, this isn't
from the, uh, neighbor upstairs,

but from rain actually.

Uh, apparently,
there's a pipe that's broken,

so it leaks through.

Right there behind the wall.

Then again, it's not like
it rains a lot in Paris.

Uh, would you like
to see the bedrooms? It's...

Uh, please. Yes, I would.

(BALTHAZAR CHUCKLES)

-So, here we are.
-Ah.

He's a little rude, Balthazar,
to be honest.

I mean, think your style's cool.

I really liked that vintage sofa.
Where did you find it?

Oh, well, I'm not sure.
I'm not the one who got it.

And the painting, too.
It's quite interesting.

The portrait of the child.
Did you paint it?

No, that's my stepdaughter's mother.

This blue. It's...

-EMMA: Huh.
-I'm a fan.

Well, that's my other
stepdaughter's mother.

She repainted everything years ago.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

(CLEARS THROAT)

BALTHAZAR: Okay. So, let's continue
the tour now, shall we?

Uh, where were we?

Three bedrooms,
including this sublime master suite.

-(RUMBLING)
-MR. KADIAKE: What are you doing here?

Come on, man. Here we go again.

It's crazy. This guy is never gonna stop.

MR. KADIAKE: Go home! Now!

Yeah, I'm sorry.
There's an old skater upstairs.

He's 38
and he'll never give up skateboarding.

He loves it.
So, he went and built a skate park.

And it goes around the whole apartment.

-Incredible.
-It's supposed to be an old lady.

It's... No. But now, it's a skater.
I'm sure.

Well, the old lady is his mother.

So, he built it around her, you see?

She's in a wheelchair and he made
this thing out of wood planks.

We hear them real well, too.

I mean, the guy does these tricks.
I've seen it before. It's impressive.

-All day and night.
-(SIGHS)

-No.
-You should get used to it. Yeah. Yeah.

-(ROMY SCREAMS)
-Ah.

The kids have arrived.
Because he also teaches.

Let me tell you,
this guy is an amazing teacher.

It's incredible. The way he teaches.

I see the kids comin' down the stairs.
(LAUGHS)

-Doing crazy tricks on their boards.
-MR. KADIAKE: I want you out of here now!

I wouldn't send my child obviously,
because, uh,

apparently, he was charged. Well, rumors.

You know how they go.
I don't believe them.

You can really tell from the man's face.
He hasn't done anything wrong.

Excuse me, Balthazar.

You assured me that this
was a rather quiet apartment.

Ah, hey, oh!

There's a visitor!

-MR. KADIAKE: What do I care?
-Okay.

-All right. Honestly, I don't...
-Show some respect!

Well, yes, yes.
That's what I would like as well.

Look, I'm sorry. My son's a med student.

-He really needs some quiet.
-FRED: But it is quiet.

-DANIELLE: We're done here.
-Listen to me...

Oh!

BALTHAZAR: Mrs. Danielle. Let's talk.

FRED: This is insane!

Mrs. Danielle, allow me to negotiate
the price and go talk to this neighbor.

-It can all be...
-Mrs. Danielle, there's no use,

because this guy loves skating
and he'll never give up.

-Mr. Mercier.
-Whoa!

Please tell me why your daughter
came to my house to skateboard.

FRED: What? She, uh, she did that? But...

I said "no" for the lessons, remember?

Sorry, Papa.

This is confiscated!

-And you need to get rid of that odor.
-FRED: Okay.

That's the skater I told you about.
He's being investigated.

All right. I'm interested.

-But I have to think about it, okay?
-FRED: Okay.

BOTH: Thank you, Mrs. Danielle.

Hook, line and sinker.

-Okay, we got this.
-All right. All right. We're fine.

-No, no. It's not the time.
-Okay. Maybe later.

-Go ahead. Ring it. (SIGHS)
-Okay.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(EXHALES)

What's that smell?

BOTH: Hello!

-Hi, Fred.
-It's a bad time. Possibly the worst time.

-Okay, we'll come back.
-Hold on. Wait, Fred.

-We'll come back. We'll just come... No.
-No, wait. Wait.

Fred, one second?

-I've to tell you that, you know...
-Hold on.

You know how we've known
each other for a while now.

Well, yeah, of course, I know.

-Uh, guys.
-Yeah?

I've this real estate person here
hell-bent on selling the apartment.

Excuse me, but...

Tell me if I'm wrong,
but you seem open to change.

-Uh, well, no.
-No?

Because earlier,
I noticed a bit of an accent on you.

-Yeah, from Québec.
-Montréal?

-Yeah, I lived over there, yeah. (LAUGHS)
-Ah, I love it. Love it.

Okay, here's the plan.

Okay, you two are gonna pose as a couple.

-No, wait...
-And you're here to buy the apartment.

Okay?

-It'll confuse him and give us time...
-Well, hold on.

We've to, uh, check
with the banker and stuff.

I mean, man,
I don't have the down-payment

-to buy your apartment.
-You just have to pretend.

You know, uh, I've a house you might like.

Do you know Saint-Germain-en-Laye?

-No. No.
-Well, it's nearly, uh, Montréal.

So, it's amazing.

You can chop wood with your daughters
on the weekend.

Listen, you never know.

Just think about it. Here.

(DOOR OPENS)

This is just incredible. How did you...

So, this new couple.

-They're interested in the apartment.
-MARIE-ANGE: Hello.

FRED: They just knocked on the door.
BALTHAZAR: Hi.

Yes. We saw the sign from the street,
so we came immediately to see it.

-Amazing. Hello.
-MARIE-ANGE: Hello, sir.

-How do you do? Thanks.
-Hello. Welcome

No!

-Yes. Is it...
-What? What?

-No. No.
-What?

(BOTH LAUGH)

-FRED: Um, well, I mean...
-What is it?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You're, uh...

-Balthazar.
-Balthazar!

-Yeah, that show at prime time.
-Balthazar.

FRED: Almost prime time, all right?

-From TV!
-Everybody in the Closet? Coming out of...

-Nothing by Chance with Balthazar.
-MARIE-ANGE: Right.

-Nothing by Chance with Balthazar!
-Good eye.

She cried during the show.
You remember? You...

-Yeah, yeah. Yes. I remember.
-And you sold the houseboat...

-Oh, right.
-...to people who couldn't afford it.

-She said, "He's awesome." Here he is.
-Oh, come on.

-FRED: Great.
-It actually got the highest rating

-of the season.
-FRED: Well, that's what matters.

-Mind if we...
-Of course. Come on.

Let's take a selfie. Okay, wait.

-Get in here.
-Perfect pair.

-FRED: Uh, sir?
-Balthazar!

-There you go. Thank you.
-FRED: Mr. Almost Prime Time?

This is great. So, we are a...
We are a couple.

-Yeah.
-And, uh, yeah, I'm interested.

It's my first time here and...

-Wow. Wow. Uh, so, uh,
-MARIE-ANGE: Okay.

-I may say we'll take it.
-BALTHAZAR: No.

-But, sweetie. Don't we...
-No? No, I think I'll...

-Let's look around first.
-What? Ah, okay.

-With Mr... Yes.
-Shall I give you the tour?

-Very well. Let's go.
-FRED: Yeah, that's better.

MARIE-ANGE: This way, right? Oh my.
Look at that. This color palette

-is exactly what we're looking for.
-STAN: Wow. Yeah.

-Wow, that's not load bearing?
-BALTHAZAR: No.

It's quite bright.

-What's this?
-How high's the ceiling?

-Aah! Skeleton! That's not cool.
-All right.

-You scared me.
-That was not cool.

-That's not cool.
-Yeah.

-That's load-bearing.
-That's load-bearing.

-It's load-bearing.
-You're good.

-This may not be.
-Not load-bearing.

-No, that's a door, sweetie.
-BALTHAZAR: And to your left,

-we end the tour with the master bedroom.
-Oh my.

BOTH: Wow.

Oh, I'm in love.

-And the street isn't too noisy?
-No.

No? Okay. And the neighbors?

-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
-An old lady upstairs. And one downstairs.

So, we're good. All right.

You two make a lovely couple.
I just have to tell you.

I think you'll be happy here.

-Wanna see the rest?
-Uh...

-MARIE-ANGE: Uh.
-No, I'm pretty sure we're...

-Do you want to? Let's go.
-Yeah.

-I'm ready to sign. Yeah.
-BALTHAZAR: Really?

Well done.

I'm serious. Well done.

I'm gutted. I can't believe
we're selling the apartment.

Selling our place. Man, Balthazar beat us.

-Oh, mom, you're here.
-Mmm-hmm.

VICTOIRE: Cool. Then, can you take
this home for me, please?

-Yeah.
-VICTOIRE: Thank you.

You know each other?

What?

I mean, who?

I didn't see the face.

Well, I mean, she was quick,
so I didn't see her face too well.

I'm assuming you all planned this
together to make fun of me, right?

Well, Mr. Mercier,
if I didn't keep myself to the letter

of the real estate agents' charter,

I swear I'd be very vocal
about what I think of you.

So, I'll return here tomorrow,
with a signed offer from a real buyer.

No bumbling bald guy beats Balthazar!

Yeah, it's fine. No problem. No problem.

-BALTHAZAR: Yeah, I'll not bid you goodbye!
-All right.

(DOOR SLAMS)

I could taste it. We were this close.

STAN: So, then...

So, we're not buying it?

Well, I mean why the other guy and not us?

Argh.

Man.

Here, Vic, in case you get cold
during the night.

And, uh, for the bathroom at night.

Thank you, Romy.

(SIGHS SOFTLY)

You know, just because
I'm gonna have my own room,

uh, doesn't mean
we can't spend time together.

You can come visit me every other weekend.

-Promise?
-Promise.

(WALKIE-TALKIE BEEPS)

Vic to Romy. Vic to Romy. Do you copy?

Roger, roger.

Good night, Romy.

Good night, Vic.

NOTHING TO CHANCE WITH BALTHAZAR!

All right, uh, I did the math.

If we sold all the furniture,
and if the girls didn't go to college,

if we missed every other meal,

we could manage to pull together
an amount that...

Fred. Fred.

What are you doing?

Oh, you're so amazing.

You're looking on Balthazar's website
for the listing.

Amazing. Oh, I know.

Let's send fake requests. Like a bunch.

-No, Fred, listen. Just listen to me, okay?
-I mean...

Let's move out.

-You wanna leave here?
-Yes.

-It's for the best and we have to move.
-No. No.

Hold on.

Wait, uh...

-So, you mean you don't like our place?
-Yeah, it's not that.

It's amazing. I love it. I mean...
And we've had amazing times here.

-We have. But just because we're moving...
-Yeah.

...doesn't mean we won't somewhere else.

You've always been able to choose
where you wanna live,

but since I've been in France,
I never had a choice.

I went from university housing for my thesis,
then moved straight in here.

Listen. (SIGHS)

I don't wanna sleep
in your ex's bed anymore.

And sit on an ex's couch,

and watch your ex's television.

I wanna be able to choose together
where we wanna live.

You know?

I feel like I'm about to lose
my fourth child.

SUNDAY

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I just don't think
he resembles his father.

MARIE-ANGE: Oh, Stan, sit up.

-Shall we?
-Like, right now?

Yeah, let's tell them.

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

No, it's... It's okay. Hey.

VICTOIRE: But he's ugly.
FRED: Three-second rule.

-Hey, cut it out. He's my brother.
-So, then. So, why are we here?

Did we save our place or...

-All right.
-ROMY: We're still moving?

-We had a chat last night, me and Emma.
-Yeah.

And, uh, I got her to listen to reason.

-What? No. (LAUGHS)
-What?

We're moving, kids.

CLARA: What?
ALL: Oh, yeah!

-We're serious.
-We're bustin' out!

(ALL CHEERING)

FRED: Well, it's not gonna be easy
because an apartment is expensive, you know?

-It was very hard talking you into it.
-I mean, yeah. Whoa. So hard.

-You okay?
-Yeah. Your father and I thought

this would be a great opportunity for us to choose,

all together, where we'll live.

-This is great.
-But are we really moving out of here?

-FRED: Mmm-hmm. Yep.
-And we'll each have our own rooms?

-Nino as well?
-Wait.

If there's room for Nino,
then I want one, too.

Okay, I didn't say there was a room for Nino,
all right.

And there won't be one for you either,
I don't think.

So, hold on. This is our last brunch here?

-Yeah. Yeah.
-(KIDS GROANING)

-Okay, I'm hungry. So, let's dig in.
-Yeah, no more sleepovers.

Carla, by the way, your electives,
did you choose?

-Well, I made my choice. I'm good.
-Literature, science?

-All of it.
-What?

Yeah, I stopped trying to decide. I wanted to
discover everything at the same time.

So, some literature, science, econ.
It's cool.

-So, you picked a bunch of choice for...
-CLARA: Yeah.

-You mean, you didn't make a single choice?
-Nope.

I chose not to make a choice.

Great, that's perfect, Clara.
I'm so proud of you.

-Thank you.
-You know what? Let's do this for the move, too.

So, let's choose an apartment
that fits everyone's criteria.

Now, that's a great idea.

Uh, if you could find a place
that's pretty close to the pool for Vic...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

-What?
-Always something, huh?

Hold on. She forgets to blow dry
her hair every single time.

So, every winter,
it's tonsillitis, sinusitis, rhinosinusitis,

-all the things that end with "itis."
-FRED: All right.

-So, just putting it out there.
-Okay.

-If you... That's it.
-You put it out.

Look, I'll put it back out there.
You can take it back.

It's gonna be our criteria.

When you and Stan choose your apartment,
you can choose based on your criteria.

(FRED SIGHS)

(LAUGHS)

The look on their faces!

The look on your face!

The look on their face.

Oh, my God!

Can't believe it. Wow, even Stan.

Don't look so constipated.

He's all, "Oh, no.

"No, maybe not. I'm not into blondes."

What was that look you just gave me?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) What look?

I'm giving looks?

Weird laugh, Stan.

Well, you were laughing, so... I mean...

-Yeah, but that was earlier.
-That just dawned on me.

-What dawned on you?
-About your joke. That it was funny.

-What?
-Wow.

Um...

Oh, my gosh, no.

No, no, no.

No.

-No. No, no, no.
-STAN: No?

Really?

This is a real incredible feast
that you've made for us.

-EMMA: Oh, yeah.
-(CHUCKLES)

MAN ON TV: For an exceptional show...

-Hey, grab the cheese please, Em.
-EMMA: Yeah.

MAN: Marie-Ange, CEO of her own...

FRED: Emma, come here. Check it out.

-EMMA: Is this Balthazar's show?
-Yeah.

It's Stan and Marie-Ange.

What I'm searching for is, honestly...

Is a place with electric shades.
That's important.

We need the mailbox
not to be too far either from the place.

Because, uh, the winter,
it gets a bit cold.

What is he saying?
Stan's just outta control.

MAN: ...perfect house for them in
Saint-Germain-en-Laye.

Hey, that's where he was gonna
have us move.

-Wow.
-No, sweetie, there.

-Huh?
-There.

-Wow.
-Wow.

The house looks amazing.

-I love it.
-It's gonna cost us.

I'll take it.