01x06 - Wait Time: 22 Minutes

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

[chuckles]

-Whoa!

-[both scream]

Ah! [screams]

[Norma laughing]

-Ah! No!

-Huh?

Ah!

Ouch!

-[Barney yells]

-[Norma laughs]

[sighs]

-Hey!

-[screams]

Love is the greatest cure that we know ♪

Love is the basis of this TV show ♪

Yes, love, love, love! ♪

I'm Dr. Love! ♪

[people cheering]

MD ♪

[Pauline] Hello, everyone! Thank you!

[man] She hasn't aged a bit!

[Pauline] Oh, come on.

Back off and let me cut this thing.

-[Pauline chuckles]

-[cheers and applause]

[dramatic music playing]

[growls] Come on!

He said he would be five minutes.

Ugh. Finally.

Huh?

[both grunting]

I'm very unpleasant when I'm hungry.

You're unpleasant all the time.

That's my secret, Barney.

I'm always hungry.

No, those are supplies for the line.

Speaking of line, let's go!

[indistinct chatter]

What's so special about this ride anyway?

Haven't you been on all of them already?

Not this one.

It's been closed since before I was born.

-It's based on Dr. Love.

-[stomach rumbles]

The show where Pauline

would solve people's love lives

with heart transplants.

It was canceled after three episodes.

Ooh. They are kind of scratching

the bottom of the barrel

for ride ideas, aren't they?

Hey! Dr. Love did

some pretty experimental episodes.

Like that one set

entirely in a waiting room.

Oof. That sounds boring.

Besides, this is my only opportunity

to ride it before my shift starts,

and my timeline

gets flooded with spoilers.

[Pauline's voice over PA] Your appointment

with Dr. Love will begin momentarily.

Please keep all hands,

bags and babies inside the ride vehicle.

[panting] Not too bad.

Looks like we're just on time.

Uh… Yeah, I'm… I'm good.

[chuckles] Have fun.

What? You're just gonna leave me here?

There are two spaces per boat.

We can't be an odd number.

Who knows who I'll end up with?

-[groaning] Hungry.

-[stomach rumbling]

-The three of you could fit in one boat.

-Hmm.

I haven't got time for this today. [gasps]

[whimpering]

[straining]

Uh, changed my mind! Uh, let's go!

[Courtney exclaims]

[snarls]

-If I don't eat anything…

-[stomach rumbling]

…in the next minute…

I know, you'll eat me.

Can I at least finish this chapter?

Thanks, Barney.

For a minute there I thought

I'd have to share with this weirdo.

Barney?

Hey, I thought it was you.

[enchanting music playing]

-[Norma] Barney?

-[yelps]

[both grunt]

[Barney chuckles nervously]

Ha! Nice beard.

Wah! [chuckles nervously]

Phew. Thanks. [chuckles]

-Ooh. [gasps]

-[flies buzzing]

-[grunts]

-[bird squawking]

No!

So, are you guys in line

for Dr. Love's Heart Flow?

Are you in line for Dr. Love's Heart Flow?

Am I? I've wanted

to ride this thing for years!

I heard it's disgusting.

You ride on a river of blood

into a huge throbbing heart and--

Spoilers.

You know, you guys can go

in the employee fast lane.

Just duck under the rails

and show your pass at the front.

Huh?

Okay.

So long, suckers! [laughs]

[grunts]

What? I thought

this line was for employees!

Employees and family members.

Huh. What?

[groans] Typical.

I gotta use this line.

I've been given

a very important task today.

I've gotta see

if the wait time sign is accurate.

-Oh, well, you're busy, so--

-I'd love some company.

[chuckles nervously] Uh… Mm-hmm.

So… Blood, huh?

It's kind of gross.

But, uh, pssh, I wouldn't want to…

[uncertainly] not have any?

[chuckles] That's true.

-[Marly] Oh, babe.

-[both giggling]

Marly, remember

our conversation about eavesdropping.

[both] Hide it better.

Sorry. But it's just so wonderful

seeing a new generation enjoy this ride.

We came here on our first date.

How long have you boys been together?

Oh! [chuckles]

Uh, no, we're, uh… We're, uh…

Colleagues.

-Right. [scoffs]

-Of course.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

[echoing] Are we there yet?

-Are we there--

-[stomach rumbling]

[groans]

[sighs]

-Are we there--

-Quiet!

[sighs] At this rate,

Barney's gonna get there first for sure.

-[sucking sounds]

-Um, Norma? Help!

[grunting]

[sputtering]

I said you could have a little bit,

not a whole Pugsley.

[chewing]

[hiccups]

Ugh.

Courtney, stop trying to eat Pugsley.

Pugsley, stop offering to be eaten.

-We'll get lunch after.

-[petulantly] But I want it now!

[groans]

[inhales] Hmm.

Ask him about himself.

Uh, so, uh, do you, uh…

[exhales] Like blood, then?

Again with the blood?

You trying to work out if I'm a vampire?

Wait, are you?

Oh, that would be so typical.

[laughs] What?

[chuckles nervously]

[chuckling] Railings.

[rattling]

Am I right?

Well, as health and safety officer,

I care quite a bit about railings.

[chuckles] They're amazing!

I love these railings!

These aren't actually

up to code, to be honest.

I did request the triple-bolted kind.

Ah. Oh, these railings?

I meant to say I hate them. I…

[scoffs] I hate these railings.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Coming through. I left my bag.

-Sorry! Excuse me.

-[people clamoring]

I left my bag on the ride. I left my bag.

Excuse me, excuse me.

[Courtney] Come here, you little hot dog!

-Get back!

-[pants] No!

-Just a little nibble!

-[cell phone chimes]

-No, no, no!

-[grunting]

Oh, Barney's texted me.

"Help. I can't do this on my own."

-He's not on his own, he's with Logs.

-That's what he's worried about.

They're in a public space,

and Logs is known to Barney.

-The risk level seems low to me.

-[cellphone chimes]

"Ah! I'm freaking out."

And then there's like 20 emojis.

Scared face, scream vomit face,

a cat with horns and…

-[cell phone chimes]

-A little white flag?

"Just be yourself."

-That's what the movies say.

-[cellphone chimes]

"I don't want to be myself."

[Barney] Psst! Hey, guys!

-Psst!

-Barney!

All on track.

Oh! [snaps fingers]

I could get some

line satisfaction feedback while I'm here.

Guys, help. I'm so bad at this.

[Norma] I'm the socially awkward one.

Stop stealing my thing.

This is different. I really like Logs.

Like, like like-like him.

Oh, I can't do this!

Pugsley, there's gotta be something

in that book to help.

Uh, maybe a confidence booster charm.

Or… or a spell that fills

my brain with jokes or something.

Is this a good idea?

Last time Pugsley used magic

he summoned a witch.

-Technically, she was a hag.

-Ah.

Yeah. Ooh, something like that. Good idea.

You said you didn't want to be yourself?

Well, this is the spell for you.

That looks bad.

Pugs? You okay?

So that's two "leave me alone"s

and one threat of violence.

-Great, thanks for the feedback!

-[woman] Get lost!

Are you okay?

[pants] Excuse me,

I have to get to the front.

I left my baby on the ride.

-I left my baby.

-[sniffing]

[Pugsley as Barney] You smell amazing!

-Thanks. My secret is soap! Huh?

-[sniffing]

Wow. I'm tall.

[sniffing]

[gasps]

[slurps] Aah.

[grunts]

Are you hungry?

Uh, we could get some food after the ride.

Sure. What kind do you like?

Wet food, dry food, human food?

[laughs] Uh, we could go for burgers.

-[slurping]

-[laughing]

[slurping]

What is he doing?

Oh, nothing weird.

He's just possessed Barney, that's all.

What?

But then, where's Barney?

[tense music playing]

[Barney] Hello?

Where did everybody go?

[groans in pleasure]

Ah, yeah.

-Okay, that's it.

-To the left a bit.

-I want to go.

-I don't think Barney would like that.

-He trusts Pugsley, and--

-[gasps] You guys don't trust me?

No.

Oh, yeah. Fair enough.

Of course you shouldn't trust me.

But I've watched a ton of documentaries

about human courting rituals

so I know I can handle this.

[Barney] Huh?

Are you okay? Do you need help?

[Courtney as Barney]

Hey, what's with the questions, pal?

Who died and made you lord of the line?

Sorry. I guess.

Wow, look at all these attractive people.

You must feel pretty lucky

that I chose to stand with you

amid this sea of variously clothed humans.

You can stand

with someone else if you want.

[scoffs] Maybe I will.

That bag seems like a good food vessel.

-May I take a look?

-Uh…

[panting]

[whimpering]

Huh? Yo, Pugsley! Uh, where are we?

[exclaims]

[screaming]

[chewing]

What is she doing?

Either she found some food,

or Logs is getting

a lot more than he bargained for.

I won't let her ruin this for Barney.

Norma, fetch.

Wow, that feels weird to say.

Wait, why? Uh-oh.

[Norma as Barney] Oh, no. [vomits]

What is happening here?

-Well, at least I'm further ahead.

-What?

Ugh. Right. Let's just get through this.

Small talk. Do you have any siblings?

What do you like to do outside

of work and school hours?

Do you follow any sports teams?

Is there a genre of music that you prefer?

In my day, we just asked

what people's signs were.

Oh. [chuckles nervously]

Capricorn. I actually

just got my charts done.

Uh… Please answer my questions in order.

I'm creating intimacy.

For example, I have one sibling.

A brother, Patrick.

It was actually his birthday last week--

Wait, the kid who had the party?

Why didn't you say anything?

Oh! Right. Yeah, uh, a family tradition.

We don't acknowledge

each other's birthdays.

Far too schmaltzy. Your turn.

-Uh, I have a sister.

-Me, too.

Wait, you just said

you only had a brother.

Right. I… Uh, Barney, was testing you.

-Excellent powers of observation, Logs.

-Oh!

[laughing nervously]

Kids these days.

Sure are strangely literal.

[Courtney] I was making progress, Norma!

Logs thought Barney basically hated him,

which is exactly what humans are like

according to Fakin' and Negs:

A Pathetic Man's Guide to Dating.

Can't we all just stop possessing

one another?

Or maybe we should possess

each other even more.

Uh, why?

Uh, for laughs?

Eh, let's try my idea first.

[Courtney as Norma] Ha ha!

[woman] Ugh! This is not my baby! Ugh.

This is not my baby.

I need to return it to the front!

[panting]

[gasps] Norma? Norma!

[gasps] Barney!

Oh, thank God you're here.

I… I think we're dead.

So, actually I'm really sorry

that you're here.

We're not dead.

We're just not in our bodies.

That sounds dead.

No, it's just that

Courtney is possessing me.

[gasps] That's terrible!

To be fair, I was possessing you.

Why?

I needed to smooth things over with Logs

after whatever Courtney

and Pugsley said to him.

-You mean you all possessed me?

-[footsteps approaching]

Well, you… Huh?

Pauline?

Pauline!

Pauline! [panting]

Wait. You're not Pauline.

It was on a night like tonight.

One of the park's Pauline impersonators

entered Dead End.

[gasps]

[screaming]

You're Jennifer Swan!

[giggles]

You mean, the girl

who disappeared from Dead End?

Ah, maybe we are dead.

We have to get her out of here. [panting]

I… I can't believe I had the chance

to say goodbye to my parents

and I just ran away instead.

Jennifer! [panting]

Where have you been, Jennifer?

Have you been in here this whole year?

Everyone is looking for you.

Do you need help?

Did you want a photo, puddin'?

I think the booth is this way.

No. We're gonna

get you out of here, Jennifer.

[Courtney as Norma] I've never seen myself

from this angle.

It's a real privilege.

-So, you're Courtney?

-Yes.

-In Norma's body?

-Yes.

But where's Norma?

She'll be fine. [scoffs]

But then who is in Barney?

Whoa! [grunts]

Yeah… [laughs awkwardly]

Do you have a flowchart, maybe?

I'm really more of a visual learner.

-[sighs] Are you worried about Barney?

-Always.

Why don't you check

on him, then? And, fetch!

See, it does sound better

coming from someone else.

Hey. You went kind of silent

for a while there.

Felt like you were miles away.

Huh?

Norma? Norma?

Did you want a photo, puddin'?

Courtney, you have to send me back!

I found her! I found Jennifer!

And what is that place?

-That's just the In-between.

-The what?

[sighs] When you're possessed,

your soul goes there for the time being.

You're not dead, you're not alive,

you're just sort of, uh, backstage.

It's harmless.

[chuckles] Although,

if you're there too long,

you know, you can't come back.

What?

Ah! We only have seven minutes left.

How long have you been here?

Don't… Don't you have friends?

Or family? Don't they miss you?

Did you want a photo, puddin'?

[sighs] Must be lonely,

being trapped in this, uh, endless loop.

Hello, puddin'.

Would you like an autograph?

[sighs] I'm sorry, Logs.

You must be having an awful time.

[laughter]

[Pugsley as Barney] I mean seriously,

I mean, toilet water?

Why does it taste better

than regular? [laughs]

Getting excited, boys?

It's really quite a ride.

Sure is. Though you do need

to keep your hands inside the boat

or the boat will keep your hands.

[chuckles nervously]

You know, I just realized

this ride will be the first time

we've ever been totally alone.

Kind of weird, right?

Uh, yeah, very weird.

Hey, why don't we go walkies instead?

I mean, for a walkies. A walk.

Yeah. After the ride, let's do just that.

Hey, do you nice people

want to jump in the line?

Get in before us?

Oh, we wouldn't dream of it.

Why are humans so perfect?

[sputtering]

This is immoral! I won't steal

his special boy time from him. Here!

[grunts] These human emotions

are getting way too deep for me.

I can't deal with them. [grunts]

You think I can? [grunts]

[all grunting]

You take it. Hmm.

Can someone please possess me already?

I need to get back into the In-between.

[Norma as Barney] Look, I don't think

this is a good idea. I shouldn't have…

Oh. [whimpers]

It's not a scary ride.

I can hold your hand

the entire time if you want.

-We're nearly there.

-Huh?

Ew! No thank you.

[Courtney as Logs]

Oh, come on, let's get smoochy!

[slurping]

-[whoosh]

-Huh?

-[gurgles]

-[groans]

Logs!

-[Logs] Barney?

-[whoosh]

[Logs] Uh. What just happened?

[Norma as Barney]

Uh, you lost your balance.

Possibly a result

of your large upper body.

We know you're nervous,

kid, but we got you.

If we'd let our nerves get in the way…

Who knows where we'd be now.

-We need to get Barney back right now.

-[both panting]

I came back when you left my body.

-Why didn't he?

-I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want to.

Barney's run away

from his problems before.

Norma, you need to bring him back.

[Pugsley as Norma]

Oh, my gosh! I'm adorable.

[Norma panting] Barney!

You need to get out of here.

I know talking

to people you like is stressful.

Like, believe me.

I still struggle talking to you sometimes.

Oh, it's not that. I was using

the Logs date thing to distract me.

To run away again,

and now I've run away to here.

I need to stop. I can't keep running away.

Running away from what?

Is there a demon after you?

[chuckles] Worse. My family.

We'll deal with that later.

Courtney says

if you stay here for too long

you might never be able to come back.

Never?

-Uh, but what about her?

-Oh, hello, puddin'.

-Would you like an autograph?

-We can't leave her here.

Jennifer! Please come with us.

Oh, hi, puddin'. Would you like an--

No! We don't need an autograph.

We want you to come with us, Jennifer.

There are people

in the real world who love us

and we can't hide from them forever.

Jennifer, you have to tell us

what happened to you.

Who were you before you came to the park?

Think about her.

Please, Jennifer.

-[grunts]

-[water splashes]

Uh, I have to return that, you know.

It's 10,000 years overdue.

Guys, come on.

Let's all relax and hope that Barney

is having a good time on Barney's date

and maybe someone could scratch my head

because I have been a very good boy today.

Huh. Looks like

we've got two minutes to spare.

I guess the sign was wrong.

-[worker] Next.

-[woman] Out of the way, please!

Out of the way!

I simply must ride the ride again.

I do not like waiting. [grunts]

Well, at least she was honest this time.

Hey, I'm really sorry

if I seemed weird

while we've been waiting.

Sometimes I get really nervous

and want to run away from everything

or pretend to be someone else,

but I gotta stop. I'm sorry.

You don't need to say sorry to me.

I'm nervous, too,

but we'll have each other.

[worker] Next.

So, are you ready for this?

[sighs] Yup.

Another time.

Sorry.

I'll make sure

to tell the boss how precise you were

with the time checking, though.

I think it's cool

how much you love your job.

Bye!

Ah! I thought the employee line

was supposed to be faster.

I guess it's you and me, then.

I'm going to have to narrate this ride.

You'll find it very educational.

[indistinct announcement over PA]

[lowering mechanical voice] Doctor Love--

[Norma] Oh, come on!

[Barney] Wait! Mom!

Um. Uh, how have you been?

[suspenseful music playing]

[groaning]

[gasps] How long was I out?

[theme music playing]