01x08 - Minnie Mouse coming back wasn’t on my bingo card.

[bunniefuu]

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

[♪ String music playing]

[♪ Funk music playing]

[DJ] It is time!

For the daddy-daughter dance
with Juniper.

-And where's Dad?
-Where's Dad?

He's not feeling good.
He had ten cigars.

♪ Working too late
but you never complained ♪

-♪ And we never went without ♪
-[crowd gasps]

I'm okay. Okay. Okay.

♪ I was just five,
but in your hazel eyes ♪

♪ I never saw any doubt ♪

[crowd gasping]

One more whiskey, please.

You need a break, sir.

Uh, another whiskey?

[♪ Muffled dance music playing]

[sighs]

[glass clanking]

I hope you don't mind.

[laughing]

Yeah, I overheard you read
that poem for your daughter.

I mean, who was that?

Is it, uh, is it Frost?
William Carlos Williams?

It's me. I wrote it.

What?
[scoffs]

Am I crazy, or did that
kinda have a chorus in it?

Yeah, it's a song.

Wow!

I mean, that thing
could probably be a hit.

No, no, no, you look
at Sabrina Carpenter.

I mean, these songs are popular.

I mean, you know
who's writing 'em?

-Older guys.
-[chuckles]

Well, I do sing my own songs.

Really?
You ever get out to L.A.?

Mm, once.
Just to see Mickey.

And we had a special pass
so I could cut the kids.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Amazing.

The only people I know
who get that kind of a pass

are in movies.

-You know people in movies?
-Oh, yeah.

I own a sheet metal company.

It's kind of a big deal
around here.

Oh, sh*t!

You're writing
those kinds of songs

and... and you run
a sheet metal company?

[laughing]

Hey, I just thought
of something.

Uh, next time you're in L.A.,
I have some guys I know,

studio musicians, that I'm sure

would love to hear
what you've got.

Drop me a line.

I would love to know
what else is in your arsenal.

[laughing]

-[phone buzzes]
-Yeah. Speak.

I don't know.

I mean, the guy
might be too dumb.

I mean, I don't think
he understood

anything I said to him.

I don't know,
I... I have no idea.

-I don't understand.
-Are you Stacy Crystals?

Uh, can I help you, kid?

You wrecked my dad's life.

[g*nsh*t]

[guests screaming]

[♪ Gentle music playing]

♪

[♪ gentle music
continues playing]

-Barb.
-Mm-hmm?

Come on, don't you
wanna grab the day?

First day with the money.

Mm. [chuckles]

I'm so tired, Ron.

I think I drank too much at,
um, Alice's house last night.

You're being silly.
You were just too happy.

Gosh, and... and George too.

-Mm-hmm.
-He was like, um,

God, he was like blackout.

-George is a cut-up.
-[both chuckle]

Barb, I'm gonna spend the day

trying to get my job back.

Mm.

I'm gonna do everything I can
to make everything easy for you.

-Honey.
-I just... All I want is you to be happy.

Thank you.

You know, I was actually
thinking about it.

I was like,
maybe you don't go back.

Maybe you take this time
to figure out,

you know, what it is
you do wanna do

-and what makes you happy.
-[chuckles softly]

Yeah.

Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good idea.

[♪ Blues music playing]

♪

Sorry.
The video we got

from the RC guys was so long.

Wait.

-Get your f*cking little toy...
-[Jeff] Hey, Ron?

-[Diane] Here.
-...and get the f*ck... what the f*ck?!

-Hey!
-[all groaning]

[Diane] There is the push.

Our aim today is to decide
whether we believe Ron

experienced an isolated
freak impulse,

leading to him
overpowering Jeff,

or whether this speaks
to a larger pattern of behavior.

[Douglas clearing throat]

[clicking tongue]

This is hard to do.

Truly, I love sweet Ron.

But everybody should have
seen this coming.

The job was always
too much for him.

He was floundering from day one.

And, frankly,
it... it was scary to watch.

I don't think
he should be fired.

Just...

moved down three or four rungs.

O-Or five.

[Alice Ray]
What are we talking about?

He almost threw Jeff
down a hill like a rag doll.

-He can't come back here.
-[Alon] I agree with Alice.

Ron could have
really, really hurt Jeff.

He's lucky he didn't do that
to Ben, because Ben

-would have kicked his a*s.
-[laughter]

[executive]
I'd actually beat Ben's a*s.

He's just gym-strong.

[Brenda]
You couldn't beat Ben, no way.

[executive] I could beat Ben
because he's just gym-strong.

[voice muffling, echoing]

[♪ Tense music building]

[phone buzzing]

Hello?

I've been looking into
the charges against Braccon.

-There's some -interesting things, and...
-Natalie.

Natalie. It's over.

-What?
-We gotta drop it.

I can't say why,
but we gotta stop.

Dad, we gotta figure this out.
We're so close.

I did figure it out.

What?

Oh, my God, what is it?
Who is it?

It might not be somebody
I can say, maybe ever.

-Why?
-Natalie, if I told you why,

then you'd know
who it was, okay?

You're gonna have to trust me
on this one, okay?

It's really hard
for me not to tell you,

but that's just the way
it's gotta be.

-Just tell me.
-I wanna tell the whole world,

but I just can't.

But y-you can tell me.

[groaning]
I can't, Natalie.

I wanna tell the whole world.

-I've been doing it with you.
-I know, and it's been so fun.

I've really loved
this time together,

I really have.
It's been a blast.

Your ham trick?
So good.

Well, thank God Wendy's
was doing Carvers,

or else I wouldn't have
had that idea. [chuckles]

You would have thought
of something, Natalie.

You can do anything.
I love you a lot.

You told your dad
about Wendy's Carvers?

[♪ light jazz music playing]

[Ron] Hey.

Who threw my hat in the trash?

-[sobbing]
-Oh. Oh, Seth.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Seth. Seth, why are you...

Seth, come here,
come here, come here.

Come on, buddy.
What's going on, bud?

Just talk to me about anything.

I don't wanna play
basketball anymore.

I love that you play basketball.

But if you don't wanna
play basketball,

you don't gotta.

-Really?
-No.

I don't know, it's just
my heart hasn't been in it

for, like, the last year.

And I found something
that I love so much more.

You're happy,
you found something you love.

That's all I... I need to hear.
I'm over the moon.

[chuckles softly]

What is it?

[sighs]
Stop-motion animation.

Like Rudolph?

I mean, it's not all Christmas.

I-I know, I've just seen
the Christmas ones,

and they're always just,
like, Santa can't do it.

Yeah.

But I think I wanna go...
go to RIS... RISD.

Then, I think that's what
you should do.

-You sure?
-Yeah.

'Cause I know you and Mom
were really counting on me

to get the basketball
scholarship.

Seth, don't put that kind
of pressure on yourself, okay?

You don't have to do that.

-That is not your job to do that.
-[sighs]

-Wherever you wanna go, Mom and I will figure it out.
-[sniffling]

Sorry I haven't really
been around a lot, too.

I was actually doing something.

It was distracting me,
but it was...

it was really important.

It's okay.

But, Seth, it was...
it was something important.

It was really important.

What was it?

[clicking tongue] I can't
tell you, pal, but trust me,

you'd be proud of your old man.

What?

Unfortunately,
nobody can ever know.

'Cause if anybody knew,
then somebody close to me

who, uh, thinks
they earned something

that they didn't earn
on their own

would find out,
'cause they only earned it

because they were trying
to stop me.

That's the only reason
they got it.

So, I earned it for them.

What?

You're being so f*cking weird.

-[screaming]
-Hey!

While we're deciding,
we're going to need someone

to take over
Ron's responsibilities.

I put together a list
of candidates in the right tier.

[Jeff] I... I don't know.

It's not that complicated.

Let's just...
hold off for a second.

[door closes]

[birdsong]

[Ron] I'm the only one out here
who knows they're doing something.

I'm telling. I'm telling.
I'm telling, telling, telling,

telling, telling, telling,
telling, telling, telling,

telling, telling, telling,
telling, telling, telling...

-[gasping]
-[phone buzzes]

Hello?

Hey. Ron.

Uh, I know
there's a lot going on,

but I think you and I could
hash this thing out over a beer.

I mean, we'll have
a nice dust-up,

and maybe we figure out a way
for you to come back here.

I appreciate that, Jeff,
but I think I need

a little more time to figure out
what my next move's gonna be.

Next move?

Yeah, I gotta think
about what's good for me

and my family.

[laughing]

Uh...

Ron, you've embarrassed yourself
a lot here at Fisher Robay.

But you finish this mall,

and you, uh, you get to be part
of something that's historic.

Something that, uh, that...
that you'll be known for

after you're gone.

But if you don't care
about that...

good luck, I guess.

I'll think about it, Jeff.

[Alice] [voice echoing] Go
out and tell. Go out and tell.

[distorting] Go out
and tell. Go out and tell.

I don't think
you're gonna do it, Ron.

I don't think you're
gonna do it, Ron.

I don't think
you're gonna do it, Ron.

[Ron] [voice echoing]
I'm telling.

[sighs]

[line ringing]

[operator]
"Columbus Herald" Tipline.

Hello?

Would you ever consider
running a story

that's like a corporate
political fraud thriller?

Like an embezzlement thriller
that doesn't name any names

and doesn't use
any real specifics?

-[phone thuds]
-What the hell are you doing?

Don't do this.

-Oh, sh*t.
-[phone buzzing]

[buzzing continues]

-Hello?
-[operator] Hello, is this Ron Trosper?

Yeah, who's this?

This is the "Columbus
Herald" Tipline.

-H-How did you...
-Look, we're really interested

in the story you were offering.

Would you have any interest
in meeting with us?

-Even... even if it's off the record?
-No.

No, don't call me back, ever!

-How... how do you know my name?
-Uh, through the caller ID.

You shouldn't have that.
That's dangerous!

Look, Mr. Trosper, if you're
aware of a public crime,

-it's your responsibility to...
-I'm not.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not,
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!

Mr. Trosper, I'd just like
to ask you a few questions.

This is not Mr. Trosper.

This is a kid, this is a prank.

I'm home alone at a sleepover,

and we're terribly behaved boys.

[screaming]

Don't pull.
Don't pull, that's right.

-Very good.
-[car engine shutting off]

-[car door closes]
-What the f*ck?

You don't answer my calls?

You asked me to keep
Braccon at the bar.

I didn't know what to do.
W-What was I gonna do?

I'm sorry, Mike,
something happened.

-What?
-We're just gonna have to drop this.

It's over.

What are you talking about?

I've never done anything
good in my whole life,

and then finally,
this is something good.

This is something where...

where... w-where they're not
gonna laugh at my grave,

and people aren't gonna
sing a song when I die.

-What?
-Scrooge.

Scrooge.
That really scared me.

[♪ Christmas choir singing]

They... they were singing a song
and dancing on his coffin.

And Scrooge, see, he didn't know

that they were celebrating
that he had died

when he was seeing it.

Then he saw the coffin
and he went, "Uh-oh."

So, if I get myself on
the front page of the papers

because I took down
a big company...

then they're not gonna
celebrate when I die.

And now, they might.

-I'm sorry.
-Bullshit!

I don't believe you're done.

You, you... you're crazy
about this thing.

-I'm done.
-Fine.

Then you can go back
to your little fancy job

and go to your family.

Mike, you can go back
to your family.

[♪ Choir continues]

f*ck you, Ron.

♪ Tidings of comfort and joy ♪

[engine starting, revving]

[knocking]

Can I help you?

Hi, uh, I'm looking for Lynette.
Does Lynette live here?

Oh, she's at work,
but I'm her aunt.

I am, uh,
I'm a friend of her dad's.

Yeah, I became friends
with Mike recently,

but I just wanted to tell
Lynette something that he did.

This really, really, really good
thing that he helped me with...

Listen, you don't know
anything about that man.

Yeah, I know
that he does some bad...

Go.

[Barb] Tell me... tell me
what happened then.

[Natalie] I don't know,
she just flipped out on me.

-She was so angry.
-[Barb] Mm-hmm.

Hey, what's going on?

Tara and Natalie
got into an argument.

Oh, no. Why?

Because I told you about
f*cking Wendy's Carvers.

Natalie, that's crazy.

She signed an NDA.
She can get in a lot of trouble.

I'm not gonna tell anybody
Wendy's is doing

a nicer ham restaurant.

It doesn't matter.

It's just that now, she says
she doesn't trust me.

-[Barb] Aw.
-[Natalie] She has trust issues

'cause she had an ex
that cheated on her.

I don't wanna talk
about this anymore.

-Okay.
-It doesn't matter.

Alright. Yeah, honey,
just help her with this.

-I'm trying to help her, Barb.
-Okay.

-She's doing it herself.
-Okay, that's...

Natalie. Natalie.

This isn't because
you were helping me out

with the mystery, is it?
'Cause that's good.

-That helps people.
-Look, Dad, leave me alone.

[♪ Ominous music playing]

Baby, no, no!

That's not yours,
that's chocolate!

Oh, f*ck.

Come on, gotta go faster.

You need to sweat out
the chocolate.

It's important to sweat
all that chocolate out.

Come on, a little faster.
We gotta go a little faster.

[phone buzzing] -[muttering]
Hold on, hold on, excuse me.

-[Baby barking]
-No, Baby! Baby!

[birdsong]

[birdsong continues]

[spitting]

Baby?

Baby!

[resident] Hi there.

Hi, I'm... I'm sorry.
I was just looking for my dog.

That's my dog.
She's been missing.

Someone stole her
just right from the yard.

What? Oh, my God.
I am... I'm so sorry.

I just bought her.

I've been taking
good care of her.

I'm... I'm glad Baby
found her way home.

Baby?

Her name is Minnie Mouse.

Come here.
Come here.

I want to show you something.

-Come on, come on, come on.
-[chuckles nervously]

In the shed.

Right in there.

Come on.

What is this?
What are we looking...

Take a look at that.

It's a brand-new shape.
Never been done before.

[scoffs] Really?

Oh, yeah.

It's really beautiful.

I've never seen
anything like that before.

[growling]

Oh, my God!

[Baby panting]

I saw that you got a pretty bad
bump on the head there.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I think so.

I really do appreciate you
getting my dog back.

I'm glad she's home.

Me too.

Could you post on Instagram

and Facebook
that I saved your dog?

Yeah, just take a picture
and then tag me and say,

"This guy saved my dog.
I was really worried about her."

I can do that.

Alright.

[camera clicking]

-Oh, that's a good one.
-Oh, thank you.

-[camera clicking]
-There we go.

-Aww.
-[camera clicking]

[phone buzzing]

-Hello?
-[heavy breathing on phone]

I'm not doing it anymore.
Talk to Alice.

I'm done!

[voice]
Who's Alice?

-What?
-Who's Alice?

You're not with Alice?

-No.
-You're not with Alice?!

[Ron] Barb can find that
money somewhere else.

[Jeff] You get to be part
of something that's historic.

-[Seth] I wanna go to RISD.
-[Ron] We don't even know

if Everpump's gonna work,
even with the money.

[Seth] I know that everyone
was counting on me

to get the basketball
scholarship.

[Barb] Figure out
what makes you happy.

[phone buzzing]

[♪ Tense music building]

-For school?
-[email beeping]

[line ringing]

[Jeff] Ron.

Ooh.
Hey, Ron, you going out?

Yeah, is that okay?

I know why you're in a bad mood.

I'm in a good mood.

Look, George told me, you know.

He said that he told you
that I know all about,

you know, what you're
trying to figure out.

Yeah, just, George told me
that you had figured it out,

-and I just wanna...
-Yeah, and actually,

I... I wanna let you know
that I am very sorry

that I made fun of it.

-What?
-I also said that you're so smart

and you can do anything.

And, you know, I thought,
what is he doing even,

running around
like this dumb detective?

I just... I was frustrated, Ron.
I was very frustrated.

And that's what I said, and
I didn't mean anything of it.

-That's what you said?
-Ron, I'm telling you,

I wasn't trying
to make fun of you.

-That's fine, I don't care.
-Okay, listen.

I think it was cute. I think
you were having a lot of fun...

I said I don't give
a sh*t, okay?

I don't care.

Okay.
Just letting you know.

-I love you.
-Bye.

Where is Baby?

♪ Hold the line ♪

♪ Love isn't always
on time ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

Hey, Ron.

Come on.
[sighs]

This is my friend Grego.
He's in town for the night.

Uh, I thought we were just
talking work stuff tonight.

We're just chilling out,
having a night, having a sesh.

-What are you drinking?
-Uh, just a beer, please.

I'll get you a tequila.
No lime.

I hope you ate something greasy,

because we're going hard.

[karaoke singer] ♪ It's
not in the way you look ♪

♪ Or the things that you
say that you'll do ♪

♪ Hold the line ♪

He's the real deal.

He seems cool.

♪ I'm winning ♪

Harley gogo munchkin,
the little dime, went well.

-[laughing] f*ck off.
-[Grego] I swear to God.

-I'm dead serious.
-[Jeff] Holy sh*t.

What about you, Ron?

You probably got some
crazy stories.

Oh, no, I... I don't know
if I have anything

as crazy as that, geez!

I bet you got something.
You look crazy.

-I don't think I look crazy.
-Tell me something!

[laughing] Alright.
Hey, Grego, relax, man.

Ron's actually got it
all figured out.

You and me, we're the ones
who are f*cked up.

Ron, he's content
with a nice, simple life.

He doesn't need to be constantly
searching for thrills.

You know, actually, I did
something recently that was...

really f*cking crazy.

-Ooh. Let's hear it!
-[laughing] Ron!

Alright, maybe you are
f*cked up.

I don't know if I should tell.

Hey, Ron, Ron.
Code of silence.

Stop being a tease, Rob.

-[people clapping]
-Alright.

-This is f*cking crazy.
-[host] Next up is Jeff Levjman.

-Jeff Levjman?
-Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.

Uh, hold that thought, Ron,
'cause I wanna hear that story.

Yeah, here I am.

[♪ "Livin' It Up"
by Bill LaBounty playing]

[Jeff sighs]

♪ I finally got
my life together ♪

♪ Scraped my heart up
off the floor ♪

♪ My attitude
is so much better ♪

♪ And I hardly ever cry
the way I did before ♪

♪ I've been living it up ♪

♪ Having myself a time ♪

♪ Living it up... ♪

-What... what version is this?
-What?

What version
of this song is this?

'Cause the key is all f*cked up.

[host] It's just
the regular version.

-I wanna do a new song.
-I don't know what to tell you.

I want to pick another song!

-You gotta get back in line.
-Nobody minds.

Everyone wants everyone
to get to do what they wanna do.

If you wanna sing another song,
put your name back on the list.

Fine, fine.
That's what I'm doing.

Fine, I'm back on the list.

f*ck' as*h*le,
I had to put my name back in.

Ron, I can do
way better than that.

When it's in my range,
when it's a song that I wrote,

I can sail, man.

Speakers here are sh*t.

No, actually,
the speakers are okay.

Here, check out this track.

This is what I can do
when it's mine.

[♪ Music playing faintly
through phone]

[chuckles] Wow.
Wow, I see what you mean.

-This is... this is awesome.
-[Jeff] Yeah.

Listen to the next one.
Listen to 'em all.

I can sing, man.

This is you?

Yeah, I sing all of 'em.
I wrote all of 'em.

Jeff Levjman,
let's do this again.

[scoffs] f*cking as*h*le.

[♪ Music continues
faintly on phone]

[music stopping]

[♪ Music continues faintly]

♪ Red dress lady,
beautiful ♪

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

[line ringing]

[operator] Thank you for
calling Red Ball Market Global.

Please hold for the next
available agent.

-♪ Red Ball ♪
-♪ Lady beautiful ♪

-♪ Worldwide services ♪
-♪ National ♪

♪ Red dress lady beautiful ♪

♪ Worldwide services ♪

[whispering]
It's the same song.

It's the same voice.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

[♪ Dramatic music
continues playing]

[Jeff] Maybe that Ron
can help crack this.

The Ron who's not
such a big dork.

I'm not a dork.
You're a f*cking dork,

you evil piece of sh*t!

[Jeff] Could you please
not lean on my wall?

-This is an office.
-[Ron muttering indistinctly]

I'll lean wherever
the f*ck I want, as*h*le!

I'll lean wherever
the hell I want!

[drawer thuds]

f*cking hell.

Oh, my God.

Danny Donovan?

What the f*ck's Jeff doing
with a movie star?

That's cool.

[spitting]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Stacy Crystals.

Where the hell is Alice?
Where the hell's Alice?

Show me Alice!

Stacy Crystals,
Stacy Crystals, Stacy Crystals,

Stacy Crystals, Stacy Crystals,
Stacy Crystals.

[phone line ringing]

[Mike]
Leave a message.

Call me back as soon as you can.

We're not done.

No one's gonna laugh
at your coffin.

We're gonna be g*dd*mn heroes.

[woman] Are you Ron?

Lynette?

Are you, uh,
looking for your dad?

Mike's not my dad.

What?

My dad died in a car accident.

He was an organ donor,
and Mike was the man

who received his heart.

When I got married,
I was so upset

my dad wouldn't be able
to attend my wedding.

My mom had the idea
to invite Mike

to walk me down the aisle,
'cause in that way,

my dad would be there
in some way.

It was a really
beautiful moment.

But then, Mike got mad
that my mom wouldn't hug him.

She did hug him once,
but he kept wanting more hugs.

And he kept grabbing
at his heart,

saying, "I'm your husband."

And he became
obsessed with the idea

that he was my dad and that
he was married to my mom.

Everyone was so mean to him.

I just felt sorry,
so I tried to let him down easy,

but then he read that
the wrong way, and...

he... he tried to kiss me.

He said, "Maybe the heart
doesn't matter."

"Maybe we could still date.

"I'm attracted to you even more
than I was your mom,

'cause you're younger."

We had to get
a restraining order.

He'd still come.

He's...

he's... he's a scary man.

Don't let him near your family.

[sighs]

I'm sorry.

[Lynette sobbing softly]

[Ron] [echoing] He's family.
That's family. That's my brother.

[Mike] [echoing] You said we
were family. Maybe next time

I'm coming to your house.

[phone buzzing]

Who is this?!

[voice] You didn't fall out
of that chair by accident.

Who are you?

Are you ready to meet me?

[thunder rumbling]

[♪ "The Finer Things"
by Steve Winwood playing]

[♪ Soft music continues playing]

Slow down.
Oh, my God.

Stacy got shot?
When?

Does Danny know?
Is he okay?

[Wazey Waynes] Driving a
Cadillac, jerking my prick off

at the same time.

I get pulled over.
I c*m all over myself.

Oh, look at him, he's
trying to suck his own c*ck!

You f*cking pig!

I'm choking my chicken,
get off my a*s.

[Natalie laughing]

-[Barb] It's great.
-[Seth] Yeah.

♪ I will let you
into my dreams ♪

Oh. Seth, this is great!

What a talent!
Let's watch it again.

♪ For time is a river
rolling into nowhere ♪

♪ We must live
while we can ♪

[♪ tense sting]

You brought me
to my old high school?

Not just yours.

What?

Lots of kids went here.

This was all set in motion
when you were a boy.

What are these?

Put 'em above your head
and look at 'em.

Amanda's birthday panties.

Oh, God!

It all started in high school,

when you were trying
to make the kids laugh

by spitting a gummy bear
in the air

and catch it in your mouth.

But you shot it too far
and it landed in her cleavage.

Amanda never stopped
thinking about that.

Something about it
made her... crazy.

That's why she broke your chair.

With her mind.

I've seen her
move things before,

but those are mostly things

she doesn't care about
that much,

so they only move a little.

A pencil. A bottle cap.

A Tootsie roll.
But now I know.

When she wants
something really bad...

she can break it.

Who are you?

She's my girlfriend,
you dirty f*ck!

You did this!

[screaming]

♪ The finer things
keep shining through ♪

♪ The way my soul
gets lost in you ♪

♪ The finer things
I feel in me ♪

♪ The golden dance
life could be ♪

♪ I've been sad ♪

♪ And have walked
bitter streets alone ♪

♪ And come morning ♪

♪ There's a good wind
to blow me home ♪

♪ So time be a river ♪

♪ Rolling into nowhere ♪

♪ I will live while I can ♪

♪ I will have
my ever after ♪

♪ The finer things
keep shining through ♪

♪ The way my soul
gets lost in you ♪