01x01 - A Friend in Need...

[bunniefuu]

So, Katie, what qualities do you
think you would bring to the role?

My smile and my blueberry muffins.

Great. Anything else?

Yoga.

And that helps how, exactly?

The sausage rolls are hard
to reach.

Anything you would change about
the bakery to improve it?

Yes, I would give myself
a promotion.

Brilliant! Congratulations.
Let's talk about a pay rise.

DOORBELL RINGS

I wish you were doing
the interview.

Oh, look, on Friday, you go in,

you do what you just did
and the promotion's nailed on.

I got you the soya mince
and some posh crisps

and the solar lights for
the garden like you asked me for.

Feels a bit over the top
to me. Oh, Hello.

This is Danny.

Hiya.

This is my mum. Oh, er, can I get
you a cup of tea or anything?

Who's Danny?
He's the new guy.

What? What happened to the old guy?
What happened to Judith?

We sacked her.

You sacked your support worker?

She wasn't right.
She was lovely.

Too lovely.

And Danny just walked in off
the street

and you took a fancy
to him, did you?

No. We did an interview.
He was on a list.

Was he, indeed? Katie,
you're the sensible one.

Are you happy with this?

No offence, Danny,
but this is all a bit of a shock.

I don't offend easily,
it's all right.

We met three candidates
and Danny was the best.

Really? Where did you advertise,
Billy Smart's Circus?

It's funny, that, because I actually
do have circus skills.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

He can juggle. Show her.

I don't think your mum's in
the mood for juggling right now.

Erm, I do have, er, some of the more
ordinary qualifications too

and references, but I tend towards
the holistic, you know, Mrs W.

Not really.

She likes you.
Yeah, I'll... I'll go talk to her.

She doesn't like you that much.

Right.

You're the mum, aren't you?

Ralph's mum, yes.

Brian.
Right.

I've had the disabled living next
door for so long,

it's like second nature to me.

Never a couple, mind.
But first time for everything.

You can't hold back
the tide of progress, can you?

Solar power, Islam, Deliveroo.

I consider myself to be very much

a part of their circle of support,
so to speak.

Judith is cognisant of my role.

You might want to be cognisant

that Judith doesn't work
for them any more.

They've gone with
a more modern approach.

Oh. Right. Not suitable?
She seemed perfect.

Chivvied the two of them along.
Homely, you know.

Well, homely's very last year, as
it turns out.

It's more hand-rolled cigarettes,
tattoos and mindfulness now.

Right.

Oh. So he can brew up, then,
can he? That's something.

I made it. Danny is right for us.

You might think that.

And the juggling might keep you
entertained

when the electric gets cut off

because he didn't remind you
to pay the bill.

Danny is like a mate.

You don't need him to be your mate.

Do you not remember him from when
you were at school? Because I do.

He's our choice.

Well, you can tell your choice from
me that he is very much on trial.

Circle of support,
young man. Any time. Day or night.

Do you see?
It's just behind the hand.

It's dead simple. What do you
think, Katie?

Could you magic up some napkins?

Oh, yes, sorry. Sorry.

How are them starters coming on,
Ralph?

Perfect.

Your mate and her boyfriend are
going to be made up.

Cool. Emma's been a good friend
to me.

She rescued my Danish pastries on my
first day.

Say no more. A friend indeed.
Have a lovely evening, guys.

I'll leave you to it.
And if the conversation dries up...

OK!

Our first dinner party.

It's perfect.

I know.

DOORBELL RINGS

That's early. Put some music on.

MUSIC: 5, 6, 7, 8 by Steps

Welcome.

Gary's dumped me.

Ralph!

Sorry.
MUSIC STOPS

Erm, I brought wine.

I started it.
I hope you don't mind.

Come in.

Oh!

This is beautiful.

You've gone to so much trouble.
I'm sorry.

Do you like magic?

I said,
"We've been engaged for eight years.

"Sometimes it feels like we're in
the waiting room

"at the station and our train is
never going to be announced."

And he said, "Well,
maybe our train's been cancelled."

He didn't even
want to talk about it?

Not even a bus replacement service.

I've been so stupid.

Yep.

No, he's right. I'm sorry, Ralph,

I just don't feel hungry.

I was really looking forward to this

and you've made everything so lovely
and I'm ruining it. I'll go.

You're not ruining anything.
You can stay as long as you like.

Really?

Yes. Really.

Thank you.

I just don't think I can face
going home

to my Gary in our flat,

now he's not my Gary,
and it isn't our flat.

We'd love you to stay, wouldn't we?

Yeah, we would.

EMMA SOBS IN NEXT ROOM

Oh, man. Will she sleep soon?

I don't know.

Why did you ask her to stay?

Because she treats me like
a proper mate.

Not some girl she needs
to look after.

WEEPING CONTINUES

I'm at a mate's. Yeah.

Who's she calling at this time?

A taxi.

THEY LAUGH QUIETLY

FOOTBALL COMMENTARY ON TV

EMMA SIGHS

# Just the two of us

# We can make it if we try

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Building them castles in the sky

# Just the two of us, you and I

# Just the two of us

# Yeah, just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us

# Just the two of us... #

She is pushing me out.

Get a grip, Ralph.
She's not pushing you out.

Where am I?
In the pub.

Where is Emma?

At home with Katie.
Look on the bright side.

Emma works at the bakery too,

so you get to double up on free
vanilla slices.

I don't need cake. I need peace.

Well, there's a sentence I never
thought I'd hear.

Look, for what it's worth,
I think you're doing a good thing.

And I'm a great believer in talking
through problems.

You, Katie and Emma,

should sit down
and talk it through.

No. Me, Katie, Emma and you.

Really? Right. Should I be there?

Is that, is that appropriate?

That'd be great.

Did you just play me?

What? Nothing.

Oh, that's very kind,
Ralph, but I'll just have a brew.

No, no. Sit down and eat.

Morning, guys.

Morning. Here's Danny! You're early.

Yeah, me and Ralph thought we'd sort
out that bird table

before he goes to work.

You, you must be Emma.

I'm Ralph and Katie's PA.
Nice to meet you.

We've already met.
Park Court Comprehensive?

I was in the year below you?

Oh. Yeah... Yeah. Of course.

You don't remember me, do you?

No.

Well, you've changed a bit.

Have I? Thank God for that.
So have you, I'm sure.

Erm, if, if I'd remembered you,

I'm sure I'd have noticed that
you've changed.

Emma's heartbroken.
Yeah?

Yeah. But Danny's helping me get
over it

with his self-confidence class.

Sorry. I'm back living with me nan
if it makes you feel any better.

A bit.

Yeah, it's just, just temporary,
you know.

A bit like you living here
with Ralph and Katie. Temporary.

Yeah. And I think maybe
I've stayed long enough.

No.

Er. I think if Danny here's dropping
hints, then it's time,

and I don't
want to outstay my welcome.

I'm sure my sister'll have me till
I sort myself out.

You can stay here.
I mean it. We mean it.

Catch me up.

What was that? What?

I'm not stupid.

I'll, I'll go and get started on
that bird table.

No. You stay there, Danny.

It can wait.

Danny's never early.

Ralph talked about how you were
finding it,

a bit, you know, crowded. With Emma.

And he thought it would be better
coming from me.

Just to drop a couple of hints.

You made a plan?

I'm, I'm sorry.

It's OK.

It was actually Katie I was
apologising to.

I'll go and get started on that
bird table.

She's a pain in the arse.

Good. That means she's
a proper mate. Not a pity mate.

Is it the job?

What?

You asked her to stay
because you need her.

For what?

To help you get the job.

Is that what you think?

Every day of my life, people think
I can't do things for myself.

Every day, I have to take that sh*t.

But not from you.
Not from my husband!

SHE SNIFFLES

Bird table, is it?

That'd be my guess.

I find wildlife to be
a welcome relief

from an increasingly frantic world,

although I don't think
Springwatch has ever truly recovered

from the loss of Bill Oddie.

Sorry?

I take it you're the new Judith,
so to speak.

Ralph's mother mentioned you
might struggle.

Did she?

But just so you know,

Judith and the relevant agencies

very much considered me part of
Ralph and Katie's circle of support,

A group of people that share
a common goal to contribute

to the collective wellbeing...

I'm not struggling.

Judith used to have
a special name for me.

Just the one?
Mr Dependable.

You OK?

Will I get the promotion
because I'm good?

Of course you will.

Did you tell the boss to give it
to me?

What? No.

But I wrote you

a glowing reference.
What's this about?

Danny. Twice in one day.

Katie, I'm so sorry about before.
It was a daft idea.

And, and I'm sorry to you too, Emma.

I'm still working out where this job
begins and ends.

It starts with you not being
a d*ck!

Point taken.

Good. All friends again?

Danny, I'm feeling you're
a skinny cappuccino,

go easy on the sprinkles.

Uncanny. Erm, double espresso.

He'll have that to go, Emma.

Then you and me can have a chat

about why Ralph was just on
the phone to me, in tears.

So, you made a plan.
With Ralph. Behind Katie's back.

Yeah, it sounds,

it sounds so much worse when you say
it out loud.

In my head,
I have a box marked Ralph.

Sellotaped down. All sorted.

But then Ralph met Katie,
so I opened the box

and put her in it.

Then he sprung marriage on us
so that went in it, too.

Then the moving out.
Got the support in place.

Sellotaped it down again. And relax.

Get on with my life. But now...

..he's just burst out of the box
again

and all this with you.
I can't rest. Again.

Maybe, maybe you just need
a bigger box!

Too soon?

You should just be grateful

Ralph's stepdad isn't here
right now.

Right.

He's trekking in Nepal,
the Annapurna ranges.

Me neither.

He'd just turned 60
and he needed a new challenge.

He'd run out of people
to annoy in Cumbria.

You don't need to know any of this.
You just

need to be grateful that he's not
here right now,

because believe it or not,
I'm the calm and reasonable one.

It was stupid. What I did.

I'll, I'll make it right
between them.

Will you be charging for those hours

or is that all part of the
after-sales service?

Look, I get it.
You don't trust me.

And I think we both know why.

Do we?

It was years ago. I was a kid.
And, and I was a coward.

Go on.

You know the, the bullying.
Ralph at the school bus stop.

You bullied Ralph?

No... No. But I didn't,
I never tried to stop it.

Hang on, I thought you knew.

I thought that's why you didn't
trust me. I didn't trust you

because I remembered you getting
done for shoplifting

and breaking your nan's heart.

But now you've told me you stood by
while Ralph got bullied,

you've really put my mind at rest.

I know I'm not your perfect choice
for Ralph and Katie.

I'm not even sure I'd pick myself
for the job, to be honest...

I'm asking you to reassure me.

Can you let me know when that
bit starts?

I know what it's like
to be different round here.

And, and how good it feels when
you get

a bit of help from
the right person.

And that's you, is it?
The right person.

I hope so. Yeah.

Well, I hope so too.

Because there's three support
workers in that lake already.

HE CLEARS THROAT

OK, so, simmer for 20 minutes.
Check.

Turn down the heat.

Now you put the peas on
and then cover it up with foil.

Is this going to work?

Well, taste it if you're worried.

I mean to win Katie back.

You haven't lost Katie.
You've just had an argument.

We never argue.

Well, an argument's a good sign.

It means you aren't afraid
to fall out.

I am afraid to fall out.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Hiya, ladies!

Emma, would you tell
Ralph what you told me?

Oh. We're doing that now,
are we? Ralph...

..if Katie gets the
promotion tomorrow,

it's because she's
the best person for the job.

I know.
And they will be lucky to have her.

I know. All I did was encourage her
to apply.

Because she's the best baker,
the best barista,

and she's got the best smile in
the cafe.

I know.

Then why did you say it?

Well, then, that's that sorted.

Now, can you two stop falling out?

The world can't stand it.

I'm sorry.

It's not that easy.

Why not?

Look, I've been in bad relationships

and I know what it feels like if
you're with somebody

and they're always trying
to trip you up,

always doubting you.

Always telling you that you're lucky
to have them

and then wondering why you have
no confidence. And you tell them

you fancy them all the time, but
they don't ever say it back.

And then it turns out you were in
an open relationship all along,

but he just hadn't told you.

Christ,
where was I going with this?

Ralph and Katie...

You two - you two aren't like that.

Ralph was just wanting it
to be you and him again,

that's all. And, and I get that.

And so do I.

So I'll stay for my tea

and then I'm heading off
to my sister's.

No.

I'd like you to stay.

That's very sweet, Ralph,

but I've stayed too long already.
I don't want to take advantage.

Happy now?

I'm sorry.

"Dear Katie,

"you're my wife.

"And I'm sorry I was a knob."

Well, it's poetic. No doubt about
it! Right, look,

Ralph, at times like these,

she needs to know how much she means
to you.

So you go big. You go corny.
And you ask yourself,

what would Marcus Rashford do?

What would you do?

QUIET CONVERSATION

The boss loves him. She's smiling.

She's humouring him.
And on the subject of smiles,

you might need to remember how
to do that.

I'm going to wait outside.
It's making me nervous!

How did you do that?!

I don't know.

I believe in you, Katie.
I always will.

Come here.

You are my knight in
shining armour.

That is my job.

Now, get in there and smash it!

I hear someone got a promotion.

Me!

Congratulations!

Very funny.
Have you got one for him next door?

Er no, but don't worry,
Louise. You won't miss out.

Oh. Right. Well.

Will you wear it?

No.

To all of us,
to Danny for his new job,

to Katie for her new job,

to Ralph for his honesty, and to me,

as I face up to the rest of my life

as a lonely, desperate spinster.
Cheers!

And to the two of you.
You've both been very kind.

And I must have been pretty awful
to have around.

Not at all.

Not at all.

You're a good man, Ralph.

What I'd give for
a man like you. Yeah.

I'm taken.

For now! Oh!

The perfect couple.

Not perfect.

Not perfect, maybe,

but at least you know you'll never
have your heart broken.

Never again.
How do you mean?

My heart was broken once.
But not by Ralph.

Was it?

It was a long time ago.

I am not going back there!

LAUGHTER

Probably a City fan, anyway,
mate. Cheers!

There you go.
That's never coming down.

Right. Thanks.

Absolute pleasure.

I don't need much of an excuse

to enjoy an hour
with me Phillips screwdriver.

Run out of things
to do in your own garden, then?

It was never an issue with all
the others.

Well, these two aren't
"All the others". OK?

Point taken.

Brian?

Here. You might
want to wear that next time.

Right.

Thanks. I will.

You really are staying at
your sister's, aren't you?

You're not sleeping on a bench?

I'm on the bottom bunk
with my sister's kid on the top,

but it's a bed. With a safety rail.

And an octopus night light.
What more does a single girl need?

How come Gary wasn't the one
to move out?

He never offered. And,
and I didn't ask.

And that right there is why you got
shot of him.

I do remember you from school,
you know.

And I remember Gary.
He was an arsehole.

Fancied himself.

Like Draco Malfoy without
the charm.

It will get better.

Hey, and what about Katie?
Bit of a dark horse.

How many fellers do you reckon she's
had before Ralph?

She said she'd had her heart broken.

That hardly makes her
a scarlet woman.

I'm not so sure Ralph saw it that
way.

They'll be OK.

If I could back any couple
to put the past behind them

and live life in
the moment, it's those two.

Night-night.

QUIETLY: Night.