01x08 - Home Is Where the Heist Is

[bunniefuu]

[heist music playing]

[Shark yelling] You've crossed me
for the last time, Webs!

I'm gonna destroy you!

Oh, yeah? You and what army?
There's only one way out of this. That's--

[Piranha] Dim sum!

Oh, it's gonna be a dim summit,
and I'm chief ambassador

of flavor.

No. You picked last time.

I need curry or I will lose it!

Two words. Pizza tacos.

Do it, or I walk.

We need a tiebreaker.

Snake is on a strict rodent
and push-pop diet, so I claim his vote.

No fair!

Korean fried chicken it is. Right? Snake?

[Snake yawns]

Actually, I'm gonna turn in early tonight.

How are you ready for bed?
It's, like, 5:30.

Gotta catch up on my beauty sleep.

[gasps] Oh, a-and no need to check on me.
I'll just be sleeping.

Nighty-night.

[door shuts]

Why would he say that last part?

[Snake] And here I go.

-And falling asleep…
-He's obviously up to something no good.

-…now.
-And I want in.

[Snake snoring]

Uh… Welp, you got me.
You found out my terrible secret. I, uh…

I'm off to,

uh, my… [hissing]

…salsa lessons.

[chuckling] Yeah.
Uh, that keeps me limber.

You've been taking dance lessons?

Without me?

-Prove it.
-What?

Salsa for us right now.

[groans] Really?

[sighs]

-[salsa music playing]
-[Snake grunting, hissing]

[scats]

[panting]

I'm just realizing
I have no idea what salsa dancing is.

I do know what salsa is,
and this ain't it.

But I like it!

[hissing, panting]

Wahoo!

As we can all clearly see,
I'm a world-class dancer.

Sorry to hide it from you.

I just didn't want you to be embarrassed

about how much better I am
at dancing than you.

Anyways… well,
there's always more to explore

in the fast-paced world of salsa,
so I'm out of here. [chuckles]

The rhythm calls. [hisses]

We're all still
deeply suspicious of Snake, right?

-Always.
-Definitely.

[heist music playing]

[engine revving]

[hisses]

[tires screeching]

[hisses]

Piranha, you're following too closely.
He'll spot us.

I can't see! Whose idea was it
to wear sunglasses at night?

Obviously, we need disguises.

Won't he recognize the car?

I disguised the car too.

-We just gotta be quiet.
-[munching]

-Hey!
-Oh, sorry. I-I'll crunch quieter.

You been holding out on us?
Heard the story of The Hungry Wolf?

[munching]

I'm starving!
We should have got dim sum hours ago.

[sighs] I'm the one who wanted dim sum!

Oh, no.

Where's Snake?

-Wait. There!
-[gasps]

[hatch opening]

Man, he's good.

But not good enough.

[grunts]

Follow that scooter!

[wheels screeching]

[tires screeching]

Man, we lost him.

He's just too wiggly.

-[Webs] There!
-[brakes squealing]

How do we even know that's his?
These things get dumped all over the city.

-[chuckling in distance]
-That sounded like Snake.

What is this place?

It's so fancy.

Some kind of salsa mansion?

-Is that a thing?
-[Shark] No.

But whoever it is, they got moolah-lah.

Big-timers. International.

Think snake is ditching us
for another crew?

Uh, literally no one said that.

And your voice is, like, really high.

I mean, he has been kind of dodgy
about the whole group thing.

Sure, but that's
just his curmudgeonly charm, right?

-[clattering]
-[Snake] Whoa!

He needs our help!

Wait! We can't just rush in.

Wow.

This place is…

…impeccable.

Is that an original Van Goat?

[Snake screams, grunts]

-Snake! You okay?
-[groans] You guys cannot be here!

-Get out!
-What's going on? Who you working for?

Oh, it's not like that.
[spluttering] It's…

-A salsa mansion. Yeah, we know.
-Yeah, what he said.

That's not a thing.

All right, you got me.
I'm just doing a little heist of my own.

-You what?!
-Shh!

It's not a big deal.
Sometimes I heist by myself. It's healthy.

But the creep owner
has made it impossible.

Is that any way to speak
about your own dear mother?

-[Snake grumbles]
-[Webs gasps]

[Wolf clears throat]

[sighs]

-Snake, I had no idea you had a mom.
-[hisses]

You know, for a second there,

I was worried you were working
with another group or something.

A group?

[inhales sharply]

Snake, who are these g*ons exactly?

Oh. Well, they're from my salsa class?

[mumbles, sighs]

Fine.

These are The Bad Guys,
a crime crew that I know.

[grumbling] All right, my crime crew.

[laughs hysterically]

I don't know--

[laughs hysterically]

I don't know what's so funny about that,
Mrs… Snake's Mom.

[sighs]

Serpentina.

Wait.

Your mom is the Serpentina?

One of the all-time crime greats?
Bury the lede much, Snake?

[chuckles] Oh, just when I thought
Snake couldn't disappoint me more,

he joins a team.

[Webs laughs]

What a silly goose.

Webs!

Sorry. I can't control myself around her.

She's too fabulous. Look at this place!

Paintings of yourself
all over your own house?

Can I be you?

You could never.

So true.

Snake, I didn't know
you came from money, bro.

Please. I don't pay for things.

I'm a master thief.

We hail from a long line
of solo operators.

It's a family tradition.

I had high hopes for Snake, but alas…

It's so disappointing
to see you with a support system.

Must be why you've never been able
to best me, after all these years.

Best you at what?

Me and Ma have this, uh,
fun family competition.

When I was just a snakeling,

Ma absconded with my favorite toy,
my beloved bouncy ball.

[Serpentina laughing]
You should have seen his face!

[Piranha] Aww, little Snake!

It all makes sense.

Your lost innocence,
your fear of intimacy.

What? I turned out great. Zero issues.

I've been trying to steal it
to remove the weight

of feeling like a huge disappointment.

It's not a feeling. You are.

[gulps]

As your mother, it's my job to teach you
the hard lessons of thievery

so that you can carry on
our family tradition.

Although, with every passing year
that you fail to steal the ball back,

I grow less and less convinced.

Maybe it's time to hatch a sibling.

Oh, me! Please!

Get ready to be convinced,
'cause tonight, I get that ball.

This ends now.

Please. You've never even come close.

And I'll tell you why.

Because you've been
working with this group,

and that's made you soft.

Respectfully, ma'am…
[clears throat] …but you're dead wrong.

Snake's the hardest criminal I know.

And no offense to solo operators,

but the real bad business
is working as a team.

In fact,
I bet we can heist that ball from you.

Let's place a wager.

If we win, you gotta admit
crime crews are the tops.

Very well. But let's up the stakes, huh?

If I win,

Snake has to quit
his precious little Blah Guys…

forever.

Okay, team.

I know I kind of
jumped into the deep end there.

No offense, Snake, but your mom… uh…

-Brings out the worst in people?
-Yeah. We've got this though, right?

No. I never even made it
past the ground floor!

Well, this time, you got us.

Look, if we lose, it's not gonna be
like when I've quit before.

It would be for keeps.

As awful as she is,
I can't break a promise to my own mother.

True. Never break a mom promise.

Ooh, a mom-ise,

the unbreakable vow.

Don't worry. It won't come to that.
We're gonna do this.

Bad Guys forever.

Serpentina,

we're in.

Your funeral.

[Bad Guys gasp]

Mommy!

Oh. Sorry.

-[intercom whines]
-This is going to be fun, for me.

For you, it's going to be painful

and humiliating. [chuckles]

All right, we treat this
like any other heist.

Snake, any leads
on the location of the ball?

I think it's in her office, second floor.

But I can't get up the stairs.
They're booby-trapped.

No problemo.

We'll case the rest of the first floor,
find another way.

I've tried. It's impossible.

We've got fresh eyes.
Maybe we'll see something you've missed.

Webs, exterior.

Shark, plumbing.

Piranha, under the stairs.
I'll take the banister.

Snake, you just sit back and enjoy
the perks of working with a team.

-[Snake groans]
-[mechanical clunk]

[grunts] Ow!

Didn't see that coming.

-[clattering]
-[Webs screams]

[Piranha whimpering]
No, no, no, no. [grunts]

And here come the screams of terror.

[screaming]

-[Shark] Get it off me!
-[clattering]

Webs, what's your progress?

[Webs grunts]

The entire exterior is welded shut,
and booby-trapped.

-Wow.
-[Snake grumbles]

I-I mean, ow!

[Wolf] Shark, any luck?

-[clattering]
-[Shark screams]

Uh, okay.
[chuckling] Hang in there, buddy.

Piranha, any intel on under the stairs?

[Piranha] It's like… It's like she knows
what my nightmares are made of.

Been there.

[Piranha grunts, whimpers]

[sighing] Okay.
So, this isn't like every other heist.

Of course it isn't.

This is Serpentina we're talking about.

Lawless and flawless.

[Serpentina over intercom]
The needy crab gets it.

[gasps] She noticed me! A nickname!

So, the entire house is guarded
with anti-heist security?

Yeesh!

Your mothers never built you

an almost impenetrable
heist training ground

to teach you how to become
the best thief in the world?

-Oh, I guess you weren't loved.
-[Wolf sighs]

Believe me now? The only way in is up.

They're just stairs. We can handle stairs.

Go!

[yelling]

[clattering]

[laughs hysterically]

[laughter bellowing over intercom]

-[grunts] Told ya.
-You see?

The thing with groups is, when you fail,
you fail on top of each other.

Groups are not the problem.

I got an idea. Eyes on me.

[grunts]

[groaning] Here we go. I am the stairs.

Ooh! His shapely gams
have saved us once again.

-[Wolf] Go, go! I can't hold on like this!
-[panting]

[Wolf grunts]

Holy smokes. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. We did it?

-Yeah. See?
-[spine cracking]

[sighs] The Bad Guys can do this,

'cause The Bad Guys can do anything.

Can you, Mr. Cheerleader Fuzzball?

Yes, lady. Let's go.

This way. [screams]

[grunting]

[clattering]

[grunts] Why are we doing this
to ourselves? For some ball?

I just feel like,
if I had a proper dinner,

I'd be doing a lot better.

Aww! Does Baby Sharky need his din-din?

Do not "Baby Shark" me. I have dignity.

But yeah, some din-din would be nice.

We could have had a nice dinner
if we ordered what I wanted!

She's trying to drive us apart.
Can't let her.

Let's try these stairs on the right.
They look slightly less painful.

[Wolf grunting]

Knowing Ma, they're not.

Come on.

-[screaming]
-[electricity crackling]

[Wolf grunts]

-[electricity crackling]
-[Shark screams]

[groaning]

Guys! I have a theory.
We just might have an advantage.

Everything I've experienced
up till this moment says otherwise,

but go on.

Your perfect, terrifying mother
made the stairs to defeat an only child,

just one person.

The minute one booby trap is activated,
the others deactivate.

I think, if we keep weight
on the main stairs,

the traps on the upper stairs
won't turn on.

So, you're saying
we have a group advantage?

Hear that, mean mom?

[Wolf grunts]

-It won't hold for long.
-[Wolf grunts]

-No way this is gonna work.
-Trust me.

[Wolf laughs]

[rattling]

-[mechanism clunks]
-[Snake gasps]

[spluttering]
I-I've never made it this far!

Ha! Bad Guys rule, moms drool!

-I hope your mom didn't hear that.
-Bring it in, team.

Webs, you're a genius.

Yeah, duh.

Dang it, let's get shawarma after this.

No, soup dumplings.

It's more fun with a group.
Group soup doops!

[Serpentina] I wouldn't celebrate
just yet, Patricia.

-Piranha.
-I like Patricia.

Ignore her. Snake, I bet your ball
is somewhere behind that door.

[Snake hisses]

[creaking]

[grunting]

-[whining over intercom]
-[Serpentina] Come on, Snake.

When will you admit
that you'll never best your dear mother?

[Snake grumbling]

Don't let her get under your skin.

We've done loads of heists
that are harder than this.

We stick together, we can do anything.

Except maybe order kebabs.
But yeah to everything else you said.

Plus, it's personal with me
and that chandelier now.

-[gasps]
-[creaking]

-[thud]
-[Wolf] Ow!

-[chandelier creaking]
-[screaming]

[grunting]

-[chandelier creaking]
-[grunting]

[screaming]

[groaning]

-[chandelier creaking]
-[grunts]

[grunts] Um…

[screams]

[groans]

-Guys, look!
-[chandelier creaking]

-[Piranha grunts]
-Welcome to the floor.

Guys, I think
I just figured something out.

Me, Patricia. I mean, Piranha.

The chandelier's drawn by movement,
so all we need to do is not move.

And how are we supposed to get anywhere
by not moving, hmm?

We could tell it where we want to go
and let it take us there.

[tense heist music playing]

Everybody, salsa!

[scatting]

[creaking]

[grunting]

[gasps]

-[laughter, whooping]
-[Webs] Whoa.

Let's go get that ball.

[grunts] Ow!

[Snake grunts]

[groans] Doesn't she own any paperbacks?

Of course not. She's classy!

[Serpentina laughs hysterically
over intercom]

[groans] Ooh!

Dear Mother?

Man, I really… Ow!

…hate moms!

Guys, listen. Ow!

I once impersonated a… Oof!

…librarian for a heist.

[Piranha grunts]

It's a library! Ow!

-Yeah, so?
-So, I think these are drawn… by sound.

-[grunts]
-So we just gotta be… Ooh!

[whispering] …quiet.

[Piranha sighs]

[grunting]

[screams]

[laughs hysterically]

That's a great white shark?

But he's flopping around
like a little bitty seal.

-[Shark weeps]
-[Serpentina laughs]

[yelling]

-[sighing]
-[chandelier creaking]

-[electricity crackling]
-[grunting]

[electricity crackling]

-[grunting]
-[clattering]

[Serpentina laughs hysterically
over intercom]

You all are hilarious!

[groans] I can't do this anymore!

I don't really flop around
like a little seal, do I?

You got something against small swimmers?

Maybe I do, half-pint.

Oh-h*-h*! Now it's on!

Fin Bros, chill!

Mean mom has a point.

Groups make everything harder and hurtier.

It's every fish for himself,
'cause the Fin Bros are done!

This never would have happened
if Wolf just let me order calzones.

How? How would that have helped this?

[in unison] Calzones always help!

If I had an ounce
of that beautiful snake mama's moxie,

I'd leave you all for good!

-[Wolf] You wouldn't.
-[Piranha] But we're Cal-bronies now!

This isn't working.

I gave being in a group a try,
but Ma's right.

I'm destined to be a… lone snake.

Wait. Are you actually
breaking up with us?

Come on, Snake. You're always quitting.

You always come back.

This time, it's for keeps.

A mom-ise is a mom-ise.

Sorry, Wolfie.

[Snake yelps]

This can't be happening.

The Bad Guys
aren't The Bad Guys without Snake.

Actually, without any member of the team,

we just wouldn't have that magic.

Does that mean, if Snake's done,
The Bad Guys are done?

[keyboard clacking]

Can you guys quit bellyaching
for a second?

I hacked the intercoms. Shh!

Admit it, kid. Your team slows you down.

-Solo's the way to go.
-[yelps, blowing]

You should have listened
to your dear mother from the start.

Yeah, Ma, you were right.

Groups are a pain in the tuchus,

always butting their snouts in
where they don't belong.

Did I ask them for help tonight? No.
But they just had to follow me. To what?

To make sure I'm okay? [chuckles]

Yeah, n-nobody asked you to care.

But they can never leave me alone.

Even when I'm in a terrible mood,
which is, like, always, they're like…

they're… they're…
they're always there for me,

no matter what.

Oh, no. I…

I like being in a group.

I… like The Bad Guys.

They might be idiots…

[over intercom] …but they're my idiots.

How touching. But without the ball,
you'll never see The Bad Guys again.

You lost, I won.

We're doing this, right?

But Serpentina has beaten us
at every turn. It's… [sighs]

Impossible?
When has impossible ever stopped us?

Knowing Serpentina and her tricks,

I bet there's a secret way
to get that ball.

Yeah, let's show Snake's dear mother

what a mostly intact group of crooks
can do… somehow.

Wait.

"Dear mother."

That's it!

Is that any way to speak about
your own dear mother?

When will you admit
that you'll never best your dear mother?

The book, that's the key.

Let's disappoint the heck
out of a mom tonight.

You're really doubling down?

Yeah. It's what Bad Guys do.
You wouldn't understand.

[Serpentina]
They'll all just keep failing.

Don't any of you know when to stop?

[Snake] That's the thing
about The Bad Guys.

We're relentless.

-[laughs]
-Wait, wait!

[gasps]

[laughs]

Bad Guys forever.

Impossible!

How about that? You came back for me.

If the shoe were on the other foot…
But then again, I don't have feet.

That's what makes a team so powerful.

Working together
for the sake of the steal, no matter what.

So, I suppose
I'll never see you again, Son.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You actually enjoyed this?

Oh, wow. Wow!

You actually enjoyed this.

Don't flatter yourself. Scram.

She wanted to spend time with her kid.

She's secretly soft inside.

Kind of ruins the image I had of her.

Hey, Ma.

Maybe I can come over for dinner
once a month?

And maybe you can set
some fresh new traps? Maybe?

[Serpentina] Hmm.

Ma'am, your house is probably the best
training course we've ever done.

Could you ever let us come by
to help Snake out?

Groups…

We'll see.

No, but seriously, I am starving.
Do we find a late-night diner?

[Piranha] What did we land on? Kebabs?

[Webs] We had kebabs two nights ago!