03x04 - þetta reddast

[bunniefuu]

You know, I've always
wanted to take one of these.

I am Icelandic!

I have to go visit.

Nora, do you wanna come with me?

Okay.

This will be so nice
to have family there

to support me on my pilgrimage
of the soul.

Edmund, this is amazing.

I know, Sky Lagoon
is literally heaven.

I needed a vacation so bad.

It is... Hiawatha, that is...
What was that?

I don't know.

It's like a jacuzzi jet
that sprinted upwards.

- No.
- The hot spot. Hot spot.

- Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking of hot spot...

Really?

Here?

I mean, yeah, here.

Like, the dating culture here
is so much more progressive

than in America.

Plus, like, the population
is so small,

but they're dying
for fresh blood, like...

I do pretty well in America,
but here,

I'm going buck wild.

Hey, do you recognize me?
I'm on TV.

Roast puffin, smoked puffin,
puffin in milk sauce.

I'll have all the puffins.

What kind of fish is puffin?

Puffin isn't a fish.

What is it then?

That's a little penguin.

No, it's puffin.
It's what we eat.

Yes.

- Taste like chicken.
- Taste like chicken.

- You seem to like it.
- No.

Who said I seem to like it?
I don't like it.

It's bird, you know,
has feather.

Okay, I know what a bird is.

- Flies in the air.
- I know what a bird is.

That's a little g*dd*mn
f*cking penguin.

- Hey.
- What the...

What? Why?

Do you think
my cousins will like it?

What?

You look like
a children of the corn.

I just... It's a big deal

meeting my family
for the first time,

figuring out my essence.

- sh*t.
- What?

Is your tail
doing that erect thing?

No, it's not my tail.
It's my wallet.

I just had it.

Why are you turning?
Why are you turning like that?

Because my peripheral vision sucks

in these g*dd*mn gorgeous
baby blues.

Well, you shouldn't maybe
put baby blues in.

Maybe just rock 'em normal.

No, they're not normal!

Leiv Eiriksson
is my grandfather.

Leiv Eiriksson
is your grandfather, really?

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Really?

- I'm not doing this, okay?
- Okay, awesome.

Help me find my wallet,
Nora, please.

No.

All right, all right, all right.

I will get you until you...

Just pay me back.
When we get back to America.

Hello! You're tourists?

I offer tours for 85 US dollars.

- We're good.
- How about $80

and a peck on the cheek?

I suppose that's a reasonable...

Okay, sold!

Wonderful. You will learn
so much about Iceland

and you will also have fun.

I plan to.

Another bit of Icelandic culture

you might be interested in
is the huldufolk,

or "hidden people,"
what you may know as elves.

People here
think elves are real?

Many of us do, yes,

but our elves
are the size of us,

some three times bigger.

They are invisible

unless they choose
to reveal themselves.

They believe in elves here?

It's nice.
It's cute.

Would you like a lopapeysa?

It's our traditional sweater.

The colors all come
from natural dyes.

The blue is from blueberries.

The violet is from crowberries,

and the red is from moss

and maybe a little bit of blood.

I love the pattern on yours.

No, no, this is from Zara.

- Okay.
- Next,

we will see horses.

- Horses?
- Horses.

You okay?

What?

Why are you staring
at the horses all weird?

Because no one gave me
a forewarning

that they would be
viscerally attractive.

Pull yourself together.

g*dd*mn. This one
looks like Fabio.

Haukur, your ponies look are...

Do not call them ponies.

These are majestic
Icelandic horses

and we're honored
to be in their presence.

Would you like to ride them?

- Yes.
- Yes, absolutely,

- sexually, I mean.
- What?

God, I thought
these things were majestic.

They are majestic.

Yeah, tell that

to the 13-second-long shart
I just heard.

Nora, do not dishonor
my native steeds.

Haukur is so hot, though.
Do you think he's into me?

I don't know.

He wouldn't shut the hell up

this whole time
about Iceland, though.

- He's a guide in Iceland.
- Whatever.

Ooh. Yes!

- That's my Christmas kiss!
- God.

Jesus. Who says that?

Who says that? My God.

Thank God you picked up Grandma.

Hi, Bao Bao!

How's your vacation going?

Iceland's beautiful.
It's just...

It's not as relaxing...

As I thought, you know.

Hey, and where's Edmund?

He's having a good time too?

Yes, he's having a great time

and he cannot come
to the phone right now.

Maybe I will come haunt him.

- What?
- I've gotta go. Bye.

Give me your skyr, your skyr,

your Viking yoghurt!

Edmund!

Open the...

Can you two calm it down?

My God, are you alone?

Fine, yes,

but it's just because
no one in this country

will even bat an eye at me

and it's really driving down
my sex streak

and my general self-esteem.

You are here in this country
learning about your roots.

You shouldn't be worried
about d*ck streaks

and stranger sex.

Yeah, you're right.

It's like I've been
using hookups to fill a hole,

and now I'm gonna stare
into that hole

and fill it
with my newfound family.

That's great.

Is that a tambourine?

I gotta bang something.

Okay, my auntie and unckie's
house is just down that road.

I've been waiting
for this day my whole life.

Like, I always knew
I was different, you know?

The talent, the tail,
the unending stirring within

that refuses to quell itself.

Like, my destiny is waiting

on the other side
of that hill, Nora, and...

Damn it!
I forgot to bring a gift.

Should I just give cash?
Is that tacky?

Yes.

Okay, well, just in case,
can I borrow,

like, 20,000 krona?

Okay, let's go.

You know what?
You know what? Um,

I think that you should go
on your own.

What? Why?

All this spiritual family talk,

it's a b*ner k*ller for me.

And, also, I didn't
get a lot of sleep last night

because you were having fake sex
in the hotel room next to me.

All night.

All sex is performative
so that's normal.

I'm gonna go do my own thing.

I think that you should
go into your destiny.

Enjoy, you know?

You're right, Nora.
Takk fyrir.

I love you, paternal cousin.

Wow.

- You like that?
- Yeah.

And don't forget
we're your family too.

Yeah!

Damn, is she haunting me?

You're gonna be fine.

Put the tail in.

At least Edmund's
having a good time.

f*ck.

What the f*ck?

Who the f*ck is that?

Hello!

Don't k*ll me.

- Your what?
- The rock

you were throwing,
it hit my house.

This is why you're not supposed
to throw rocks in Iceland.

Just 'cause I don't,
I don't see a house.

Of course not, it's hidden.

I'm huldufolk.

Are elves real?

My name is Alfur.

Nora.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, Nora.

Good to meet you.

Maybe you'd like
to come to my house,

have a cup of reindeer moss tea.

As long
as you don't put a spell on me.

Let me reveal my house to you.

Can you see it now?

Yeah.

- Come along.
- Okay.

Yeah, just this way.

Careful, there you go.

Love your nails.
Are those extensions or...

No, I grew this myself.

Come. It is so lovely
to meet you.

Everyone wanted to come
and say hello.

Hello. Takk fyrir.

We love your hair.

- It's beautiful.
- It's like our hair.

- We're beautiful.
- We're beautiful.

I agree.

Now, Edmund, let us
take a look at you.

Let's see if we can find
the family resemblance.

Asian?

Bjork?

- Bjork.
- Bjork, of course.

Yes. Wait, Bjork isn't
our cousin, is she?

No. But we love her music.

So do I.

It's like we really are
a family.

So what brings you to Iceland?

I'm just visiting with my cousin

who's meeting
some relatives out here.

And I guess I just came to get
away from it all, you know?

You sound very stressed.

Yeah, you know what?
I am stressed. I am stressed.

I thought this would
be relaxing, but, instead,

I'm in a random part
of the country

in this little house, you know,

which is lovely, and with an elf

who may or may not
be a serial k*ller.

You know, the only elf
that kills is Legolas.

And he, believe it or not,
caught long COVID.

But me, you know,
I'm pretty cool.

Yeah, you seem... From...
Yes, you seem great.

I'm gonna make some more tea.

I have to try one
of these cookies, actually.

I made those myself.

Sorry.

I grazed you, sorry.

Yeah, you absolutely did.
You did.

That was a graze.

So, nephew, what have you been
doing in Iceland so far?

I've just been
exploring the people,

and the culture,

and the waterfalls.

Wonderful. Have you been
to see Selfoss?

No.

- Skogafoss?
- No.

- Svartifoss?
- No,

I haven't seen any
of the fosses, okay.

I'm fossless!

Sorry.

But I plan to.

It's just,
I have been really busy

meeting, trying to meet

new men. Or, friends.

Friends at night. Night friends.

You mentioned in your email

that you also had, like,
this hali,

you know, that little joot joot
in your back.

It's like, you know,
the one cat has.

It's like, you know,
stick from the...

A tail.

- Yes.
- Yes, a tail.

That's the unequivocal evidence
of your relations.

I mean, I mean, Bara,
she has one

and the girls as well.

I've never met anyone else
with a hali before.

I feel so seen.

- Let me show you.
- Okay.

I feel like I'm just swimming
and swimming,

and I never reach land.

And even now, I feel guilty,

like I can't shake this feeling

that I should be doing
more with my life.

Nora, everything is fine.

How do you know?

Because. etta reddast.

What's that?

It's, things have a way
of working out in the end,

so no worries.

Wow, so like
an Icelandic hakuna matata.

Exactly. etta reddast.

I love your, like,
Icelandic accent

with, like, the way
that you have your mastery

of the language and...

Well, I was born here. Yeah.

How would you say
my name Nora, for instance?

Yeah. Noo-rah.

- Wow. That's hot.
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

I don't know, there's something
about your, like, whole vibe,

like your whole,
your very impactful presence.

So do you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I have never met anyone
like you,

not in all my 800 years.

Wow, you're 800 years old?

No, I'm joking.

I'm only 600.

That's funny.

I get it.

You know, you're looking
for answers in your life.

I want you to have this.

What is this?

Elf magic.

I want you
to keep it with you always.

In times of need,
it will reveal its power.

It smells like
coconut body spray.

That's 'cause I took it
with me to Bath and Body Works.

You're a fan
of Bath and Body Works.

Who isn't?

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I am huldufolk.

But you have plucked
my heart out of hiding.

For a long time now,
I submitted myself to a life

of loneliness,
hopeless romantic solitude,

but now, now I feel...

Yoohoo! Slinky!

- What?
- Okay, you gotta go.

- What?
- You gotta go.

Is that your wife?

I, um, it's...

- You said you loved me.
- No, no, no,

I said I think I could love you.

That's a subtle difference,
but it is a difference.

No, you know what?
I'm gonna fight for love.

- No, no, no.
- Where is she?

- Where is that b*tch?
- No, no.

- Where is that b*tch.
- No, Nora, you can't.

She is three times
the size of a human.

She has six rows of teeth.

She can bend herself backwards
into the shape of a C

and then run 50, 60 miles
an hour.

No. No, no, no,
I gotta go, I gotta go.

You gotta go.

- Take your stupid little hat.
- Hey. It's not little.

Nora?

I love you.

Don't. Don't do this right now.

You want it open or closed?

Yeah, leave it open.

It's funny that I'm Nordic
because I always say

Yes-d*ck.

You're such a funny
charismatic young man.

I knew it. It's because
you're a fellow Pisces.

Sagittarius.

I must've confused the date

with my sister's first son.

He moved away 10 years ago now.

Yeah, I believe he still works
in New York City.

- What are the odds?
- Yeah.

He's in show business also.

Have you heard of the TV show
Love Order?

Wait, that's where I work.

I play Detective Wang Wang.

Then you must know our cousin,
cousin Ingolfur.

We call him Golf.

Point.

What?

Your face.
You do know Golf?

I know a Golf.

It could be a different golf.

Is this him?

- Yeah.
- Yes, there he is.

My God. I do know this man,

but how did this happen?

What is it, Edmund?

I blew Golf before my DNA test.

I blew Golf and still had
Icelandic DNA in my...

My God.

I'm not Icelandic.

No sh*t, Shao Bao.

I can't believe this.
I came all this way.

We were having
such a good time, right?

Well, this is strange, no?

But it doesn't
have to be strange.

You even said that we could
still be family.

The Bjork thing, the...

The hali, unckie, auntie.

Your tail looks like
a suspended lightning bolt

or the tail
of a cartoon squirrel.

Our tail does not have a curve.

This is a coincidence, not fate.

I think that it's best
that you leave now, Edmund.

We made ourselves
very vulnerable

to a complete stranger.

I was vulnerable too!

Here's your man pocketbook.

And your little shoes.

I thought this was it.

I really did.

Here, um, it's for you.
It's a gift.

Nora!

Edmund!

- Nora!
- Edmund!

Nora!

Edmund!

Nora!

No.

They're not my famiglie.

They're not your famiglie?

Okay. Then let's
get the f*ck out of here.

Yes, b*tch, please!

They weren't real!

- What?
- They weren't real.

- What do you mean?
- You're my family.

Yes. Yes,
you're Asian, b*tch.

I'm Asian, b*tch!

- You're Asian.
- I'm Asian!

I didn't even get to see
a waterfall.

I f*cked an elf.

Hey, where you going?

I'm still haunting him.

I think I'm gonna
take a break from Grindr.

I think I'm gonna
take a break from elves.

Plus, my Icelandic "family"
was all happy

and just made me realize

I want that. You know?

Think you got more a*s
on this trip than I did.

If by "a*s," you mean
a rectangular hole

with a beam of light
coming out of it,

then, yes, I got
a lot of a*s on this trip.

Wow. I mean, how am I gonna
get over what happened?

Etta reddast.

What?

Alfur told me that.

It's like an Icelandic
hakuna matata.

- You know...
- What's hakuna matata?

Have you not seen The Lion King?

No, I haven't heard of that one.

You haven't heard
of The Lion King?

What did you watch, growing up?

All I watched was
Arthur until I was, like, 15.

- Why?
- Why?

Is Arthur cancelled
or something?

Yes, because
he's boring as f*ck.

Whatever, Nora,
we get it. You watch movies.

You have a Letterboxd account.
Shut up.