01x03 - RuPaul Roast

[bunniefuu]

RuPaul: Tonight...

in a four-part

special event,

celebrities are making a total
Drag Race transformation...

and competing
for the title

of America's nextCelebrity
Drag Race Superstar.

Welcome toRuPaul's
Secret Celebrity Drag Race

with this week's
Queen Supremes...

Think of them as
your drag mentors.

Celebrity Drag Race.Who do you
think is gonna be on the show?

Is there anyone you've been,
like, dying to put in drag?

-Harrison Ford.
-What's your drag name?

It would be something like...
Kentucky Smith.

Instead of Indiana Jones.

I see what you did.

[laughing]

Oh! There's somebody
coming on the runway.

Uh-oh! Who is this?

I think Ryan Reynolds.

Serena Williams.

[distorted voice]
I am a recording artist

and, oh, I did a little
Broadway show that won a Tony.

-That's Michael Bublé.
-It could be Bublé.

k.d. lang
would be a good one, no?

I am very familiar
with the culture of drag.

I'm here for it.

I think it's the Pine-Sol Lady.

[laughing]

Hey! Here comes the next one.

This person knows
the RuPaul pose.

That is RuPaul.

[distorted voice]
I am an actor.

This could be Fabio.

-Mario Lopez?
-Ooh.

Being on this show,
it's an opportunity

to take control
over my image.

This actually looks like a Lego.

[all laugh]

Okay, we got one more, one more.
Last one.

It's probably an athlete.
Oh, my God, Tim Tebow.

Tim Gunn.

[distorted voice]
I'm a comedian,

and this is gonna be
my first time in drag.

-Eddie Murphy.
-It could definitely

be Ellen DeGeneres.

And I want to win.

You don't come on a show
like this for second place.

This is Michelle Obama.

[laughing]

She is ready!

RuPaul: These stars will
create unique drag personas...

compete in iconic
Drag Race challenges...

That was the funniest roast.

work the runway...

Aha!

and go head-to-head

in an epic lip sync
extravaganza.

Shadiest beeyotch up there.

Tonight
we crown a winner, baby!

It's gonna be a lot of fun.

Who will be America's next
Celebrity Drag Race Superstar?

-Aah!
-Oh, my God!

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race

♪ May the best woman

♪ Best woman win

RuPaul: Let's Ru-veal
tonight's celebrity guests.

Mmm. Honey, I lost
The Glee Project,

but I'm not about to lose this.

Pull up, b*tches.

My name is Alex Newell.

I started my career
on The Glee Project

and then I was on Glee.

And I am a recording artist.

Come on, wigs.

I wear corsets,
I wear gowns, I wear wigs.

I'm in drag every single day
of my life.

Let's be honest with you,
Diane.

Oh, this is a cute
little number.

Is it my size?

Oh, that's Ru's size.

Non-existent.

I am here because
it's a platform

to unabashedly be yourself.

I want to reclaim my own truth
and my own narrative.

Oh, bring me somebody
to talk to.

My name is Dustin Milligan,

and I am an actor from the show,
Schitt's Creek,

and I may be the biggest fan
of Drag Race

that you've ever seen.

Oh, excuse my sushi burps,

but there's something fishy
inside of me

just dying to come out.

This truly is
a dream come...Ru.

Oh, honey, she's a fish queen.

I mean, I hope so. Hi.

I love this show
because it's something

that I think
is very, very special,

especially right now
when we're in a time

when we are breaking down
the barriers

of what it means to be a man.

Can you believe
we're in this room right now?

No, I can't.

I saw this show,
and I saw

all of these people
defining themselves,

for themselves,
and celebrating themselves

in such a way
that I'd never seen before.

I'm envious of this,
I'm in awe of this,

and I want to be a part of this.

-Have you ever done drag?
-Once in grade six.

We were scrambling
for a Halloween costume,

and my mom and my sister
were just like,

"Why don't you
dress up as a girl?"

And I won
the costume competition.

-Listen.
-Yeah, so...

You might not win this one,
though,

-but okay.
-Wait.

Mind games.
It's already starting.

It's already
starting.

-Slay on everyone.
-[gulp]

Clean up in the workroom!

I'm Matt Iseman.
I'm a comedian

and I'm the host of
American Ninja Warrior.

Move over, b*tches!
There's a new queen in town!

[laughing]

Don't laugh!

-Matt.
-Dustin. Pleasure.

I've always been myself.

These drag queens can step
outside of that

and become something bigger.

I want to be fierce.
I'm so nervous right now.

I've seen some of the queens
on the show.

That's one of the most
intimidating things

about Drag Raceis people
come here and they perform.

-They do.
-They pull out all the stops.

As a performer, I have such
respect for what they do.

So the opportunity to come here

and be on the same stage
and to learn from them,

I hope to take my performing
to a different level.

This is really cool
to get to be in the werkroom

and to get to become
drag queens.

Listen, we're all born naked,
and my life is drag.

[all laugh]

[alarm]
Uh-oh.

-I've lived for this moment.
-Ooh, girl!

She done already
done had herses.

-Was that a tongue pop?
-Yeah, it was.

Oh, my God.

Hey, squirrel friends,

is it hot in here,
or is it just me?

Hey, listen if you want
to outshine the competition,

you better learn how to throw
some serious shade, girl.

What, are you gonna arrest me
for smoking?

'Cause my p*ssy's on fire.

[all laugh]

Oh, my God.

Hello, hello, hello.

[cheering]

Hi, Ru.

Dustin, Matt, Alex,
welcome to Celebrity Drag Race.

What a fun bunch of bizzes
we have today.

Drag doesn't change who you are.

It actually reveals
who you are,

and I can't wait. [laughs]

You'll be making a total

RuPaul's Drag Race
transformation,

from quick drag to mini
challenge to maxi challenge.

Okay. [tongue pop]
All right.

Then you'll strut your stuff
in full drag on the main stage.

And in the end, you'll lip sync
for your charity.

And the winner
will receive $30,000

for the charity of your choice.

#CelebDragRace.

But you won't be going through
this journey alone.

Meet your Queen Supremes.

Alex: Okay.

Kim Chi.

[cheering]

Fatter femination.

[all laugh]

I'm Kim Chi from Season 8
of RuPaul's Drag Race.

I'm known
for being a shady queen.

Welcome back, darling.

But turn out
pretty decent looks.

Nina West.

I love what you've done
with the place.

[all laugh]

My name is Nina West
from Season 11.

The most eleven-gendary
season ever.

I'm just gonna try
to make that work

as much as I can
before it runs out.

There's a time stamp
on all of it. [laughs]

I'm still your reigning
Miss Congeniality.

RuPaul: And Bob the Drag Queen.

If you stay petty,
you ain't got get petty.

[all laugh]

It is me, Bob the Drag Queen,

winner of RuPaul's Drag Race
Season 8

I have mentored
a lot of drag queens

with a lot less resources
than we have here.

So I am very confident
in my ability

to show someone what it takes
to be a good drag queen.

Dustin, Matt, and Alex,

think of them
as your drag mentors.

There to help you every
high-heeled step of the way,

but not just yet.

We want to see
what you can do on your own.

[gulp]

-♪ Oh, Pit Crew
-Okay, daddies.

[applause]

You could crack a walnut
with that a*s.

All right,
now you've got 20 minutes

to get into
quick cheerleading drag.

And feel free to use any of
these building blocks of drag.

Quick drag is great
because it forces queens

who take themselves
so seriously

to have a little bit more fun.

And especially because

they have to paint their faces
on their own.

I think that's how you learn.

I love quick drag.

Let's go.

Oh, I'm just gonna
take these right away.

I want some big t*tties.

-You took all the socks.
-No. I don't know.

Wait, what about hair?

Okay, yeah.

Alex fully is... [laughs]

Wait, you're too calm.

Just your average
girl next door.

Slow and steady
wins the race, boys.

Oh, God.

First thing you do,
rip your pants off.

My bra!

[all laugh]

This is way too small
for my head.

You know, makeup is easier to do
with the wig off.

-Oh, is it?
-Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

I'm freaking out.

I just start throwing color
on my face immediately.

-How's it looking?
-Terrible.

Yes, I agree.

It just looks...
it just looks terrible.

I have no f*cking idea
what I'm doing.

You can also use lipstick
as a blush.

Is this a liner?

The answer is always yes.

Edgy.

Alex, of course, is smooth,
sexy, and stunning.

A little Monique Heart there.

Probably a terrible
Monique Heart.

All right, ladies.
The time is up.

-No, no, no.
-Put the wig on. Put the wig on.

I'm in real trouble.

Alex is a pro,
and I'm just like a no.

You are gonna lose, Dustin.

You're gonna lose.

RuPaul: Coming up...

You've won the mini challenge,

so you get to pair
each contestant

with the Queen Supremes.

-Whoo.
-That's a choice.

Oh, boy.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

Wow. Sis-boom-bah, cysts.

[all laugh]

Matt, how do you feel?

I feel awful.
I'm humiliated.

You've never put makeup on
before?

I think I got one cheek,

and the other one looks like
I got hit by a 2x4.

Oh, sh**t.
Well, that's why you're here.

Dustin, how do you feel?

I'm having a little bit of
problem with my boobs here.

They're a little low.

-Are you wearing a brassiere?
-I am.

You probably need
to just tighten your straps.

Okay.
How do I do that, exactly?

[all laugh]

-A for effort.
-Yeah.

Alex, what about you?

You know, just did my makeup
under the bleachers.

Uh-huh.
[all laugh]

If this will feel
encouraging to you,

we are three pretty big men,
so if we can be this pretty,

you can be this pretty.

-Yes.
-Ooh.

Those are great words
of encouragement.

Now, for today's mini challenge,

we're holding Drag Race
Queerleader tryouts.

And whoever displays
the best queen spirit wins.

Cheerleading mini challenge
is to kind of reassure you

that it's okay
to laugh at yourself.

Sometimes drag is about
being the runway model,

and sometimes drag's
about being the clown.

Now put your pom-poms together

to welcome our head queerleader,
Love Connie.

[Bersulang and applause]

Let's hear some spirit!

[cheering]

Oh, my God.

Love Connie comes barreling
into the workroom.

Talk about someone
who gets you to like,

let down your guard
and have fun.

Yay! Get some spirit.

Whoo!

-Let them have it.
-I will.

Are you guys ready
for some spirit?

[cheering]

All right.

Oh, my God,
that was beautiful.

Except you.

[all laugh]

[cries]

Get those knees up, up!
Toes!

Point those toes.

You're losing some cleavage,
darling.

All right.

How funky is your chicken?

How funky is your chicken?

Now shake that caboose.

Now shake that caboose.

I do stand-up.

I've done some physical comedy,

but this is next level.

Yes, twerk.

Are you tucking kidding me?

You all did real good,
but that was just the warmup.

[all groan]

It's time for your official
queerleader tryout.

♪ Oh, Pit Crew

[Bersulang and applause]

What are you wearing?

Bloomers.

What the f*ck's
about to happen here?

Now, these Drag Race
varsity jocks

are here to support
your student bodies.

Literally.

Oh.

Assume the position.

No, the other way around.

[all laugh]

So this is the Pit Crew's legs.
This is their junk.

RuPaul: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Is this seat taken?

Then they have to sit here
on top of them,

and their legs become your legs.

And it's like
the most ridiculous,

awesome fun thing ever.

[Bersulang and applause]

♪ Hey, yo

♪ L-G-B-T,
you be who you wanna be ♪

♪ L-O-V-E

♪ You do you, I'll do me

♪ A-C-D-C, boys and girls
and in between ♪

♪ S-T-O-P, ain't nobody
stopping me ♪

♪ Come on, let me see you
rock this town ♪

♪ With you all now

Alex is really living
her blonde girl fantasy.

Alex is a natural.

♪ Come on, let me see you
tear it down ♪

♪ If you wanna

♪ Yeah, rock it baby

Oh!

[cheering]

Oh, my goodness.

Dustin is taking all of the air
up in the room.

This b*tch, bringing the ball
to the cheerleading squad.

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na

[all laugh]

♪ L-O-V-E, you do you,
I'll do me ♪

♪ A-C-D-C, boys and girls
and in between ♪

♪ S-T-O-P, ain't nobody
stopping me ♪

[Bersulang and applause]

You all showed a lot of pep.

But one of you
really brought it.

Dustin, con-drag-ulations.

You're the winner of today's
mini challenge.

I won.
My head is spinning

and my groin hurts a little bit.

So, racers, now that we know
you can build somebody up,

it's time to see how good
you are at tearing someone down.

-Ooh.
-Ooh.

With a whole lot of love,
of course.

For this week's maxi challenge,
we are throwing a RuPaul Roast.

[Bersulang]

Oh, and the person
you'll be roasting is...me.

-[gasps]
-No.

For this week's challenge,

the celebrities
will have to roast RuPaul,

the most famous drag queen
in the world.

You know, it's called
a challenge for a reason.

The pressure's on, b*tches.

Now, Dustin,
you won the mini challenge,

so you get to pair
each contestant

with the Queen Supremes.

Oh, boy.

The Queen Supremes
will be your mentors

throughout this competition,
so choose wisely.

I love all of you.

You're so amazing.

Are we breaking up?

It's not you. It's me...

Choosing Nina West.

RuPaul: Okay. Nina West.

That's a choice.

This is shocking.

If you are going to do a roast
and you're picking a mentor,

you want to pick
someone who's shady.

Like, Nina
is literally the nice girl.

So Dustin,
who do you choose for Matt?

I know you have a background
in comedy,

and this is a competition,

so I'm not gonna give you
the comedian.

I give you Kim Chi.

Kim Chi.

Hi, I'm the non-funny one.

[all laugh]

Dustin is the shady b*tch.

The shade parade has started.

Now, Matt,
don't let her fool you.

She's a very shady queen.

I hope Kim Chi's got
a little North Korean in him,

'cause we're gonna need
to launch some missiles.

Of course, that means that Alex

is paired with
Bob the Drag Queen.

Alex: Yes! Yes!

Fire!

You losers are going down.

To help
your drag transformations,

use makeup provided
by Anastasia Beverly Hills.

Celebrities, start your engines,

and may the best
drag queen...

win.

-Hi.
-Hi.

How are you?

I am gooped.
I am gagged.

You're gooped and you're gagged?

And I'm gagged and I'm...
[tongue pop].

[laughs]

I'm surprised you picked me.

Like, I'm not a mean person.

I'm also not super, super mean,
but I am such a super fan.

-Such a super fan of yours.
-What do you mean?

Some may say that this wasn't
necessarily the best choice,

but with all the nerves
that I've got,

having Nina as my drag mother
is really, really comforting.

I love the entire show,

and I love, like, the comedy
and the creativity.

But the one thing I love
the most is the heart.

And this is just to gush,

I just feel like you embody
so much all of those things,

the comedy and the creativity.

But then your heart,

you just,
you just let it out there.

Best date I've ever had.

We're gonna have
a little cuddle fest over here.

So what honestly
made you say yes to do this?

Because this is so, like,
different, right, for you?

Well, I grew up in a pretty
small town in northern Canada.

For me, as a little boy,

it's like you had these ideas
of what it means to be a man.

-Yeah.
-And through my entire life,

I've always felt like
that doesn't fit for me.

Even though I had
very progressive parents

who encouraged me to be
whatever I wanted to be,

the rest of the world
was telling me,

like, yeah,
be whatever you want to be

right over here
within this little box.

It's very confusing.

I didn't always feel like
this strong, masculine person.

When I finally found Drag Race,
it was like this Aha-moment

where I could just be like,
oh, my God.

These people are defining
their identity for themselves

and just being themselves.

It's really empowering
to see heterosexual straight

cisgender white Dustin Milligan

be so open about how the gender
roles that were thrust upon him

he never felt comfortable with.

It's brave of him.

This could be exciting.

So I feel like your experience
on stage is singing, acting.

Yeah.

But not a lot
of stand-up comedy.

I mean, when I do
my cabaret show,

it's a lot of storytelling

and jokes
and self-deprecating, honestly.

Mm-hmm. For me,
what makes a great roast

is knowing how to say something
that is mean-spirited,

but it has to be funnier
than it is mean.

-Okay.
-Alex can be sassy and shady,

but that does not always
translate to a roast.

This will be a challenge
for Alex.

Listen, if this were
a singing challenge,

these two other b*tches
would be f*cking dusted, okay?

But this is a comedy challenge.

Be mindful of stepping.

Yeah, this is painful already.

That's actually not bad, though.

Dustin is a Drag Racesuper fan,
so Dustin knows a little bit.

He might be
a little secret assassin.

All right, b*tch.

I see you, Miss Thing.

What is your secret
to casting good shade?

You gotta find
people's weakness.

-Okay.
-And just stab at it.

Once the blade
has been stabbed,

you twist it, take it out,

and you put
some more salt on it.

[laughs]
Kim Chi is a shady b*tch.

I'm glad
that's my Queen Supreme.

Well, let's think about
what you're really fighting for.

My charity
is the Arthritis Foundation.

And it, for me, it's personal,

because I have
rheumatoid arthritis.

I was diagnosed when
I was in my early thirties.

And it changed my life

because I was young and in
the best shape of my life.

And in about 18 months,
I became a shell of myself.

This disease ravaged me.

I have permanent destruction
in my feet.

I've had inflammation
throughout my body.

I was depressed.
I lost who I was.

And then I got treatment
and I got better,

but I never got back
to who I was.

I've kind of felt like
an old man since then.

And I would love to find
like a fluidity

and a confidence out there.

As a guy, like, I really don't
have that much self-confidence.

So I think drag is like
a good way to create a persona.

I can basically be
whoever I want to be.

So I almost feel invincible
when I'm in drag.

Wow. It sounds like
it transformed who you are.

-Yeah.
-That's awesome.

-Inside and out. [laughs]
-Yeah.

Well, let's win the money
for your charity.

We got this.

Yeah. I like that.

When it comes to roasts,

telling jokes
or just being a drag queen,

it's just all about
the confidence, you know.

Well, the good news is
in stand-up, I've bombed a lot,

so I had a lot of practice
not having people laugh.

Well, let's try
not to b*mb tomorrow.

-We don't want that.
-I know. Never.

Well, what I was thinking,
Michelle Visage.

-Mm-hmm.
-That's a stage name.

When her family heard her sing,
they made her change her name.

No, these aren't that good.

Oh, I'm f*cked.

RuPaul: Coming up...

Have you ever done a roast or
stand-up or anything like that?

I've never done a roast.
I've never done stand-up.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

Let me see.

That ring is a yes
because of the stone.

That ring is a yes.

The main stage challenge is
going to be the roast of RuPaul.

Those are 11.
Do you want to try those on?

Yes, so bad.

Nina: There's Dustin Milligan.

Dustin's a super fan.

That's like no joke.
You watch the show,

you're gonna get an idea
of what the judges want.

Sorry, shoes are sold out.

[laughs]

And then there's Matt Iseman,

who's known
as a funny, funny comedian.

He doesn't play.

Which necklace
speaks most to you?

It's a fierce drag jewel.

And of course, Alex
knows what she's doing.

Alex has got
all this natural ability.

So everyone has
a little bit of something.

But Bob is the roast master
of this group,

so Alex definitely has a leg up.

You are wearing royalty, honey.

-Thank you.
-You are a queen.

Let's get a pump.

Are you sizing up
your competition?

-Yeah, all day.
-Hi.

Oh, hey there.

We just came to check on
your little comedy routine.

Stop talking about them.
Stop talking about them.

So how did it feel
picking the nicest queen

in Drag Racehistory
as your partner?

I do enjoy fouling up
the competition.

Y'all thought you were going
to have it easy, Baba-Nina?

No. I'm gonna stir the pot.

[laughs]

Kim Chi is shady.

If I were you,
I would not underestimate

the Michelin Man in drag.

Thank God I got Bob,

because Bob is a comedian,
and I'm not.

I will take all the jokes
she gives me.

Even Obama
had a roast speechwriter.

Hey, celebrity
squirrel friends.

-Hey!
-Hey!

I smell meat.

[laughs]

Roast.

Hello.

Hello, Ru.

Dustin Milligan and Nina West.

Have you ever done a roast or
stand-up or anything like that?

I've never done a roast.
I've never done stand-up.

For me, having
the opportunity to try,

that's what really matters.

I'm very grateful to be
a working actor at all.

But to be blunt, it's a little
disheartening sometimes

when I get put into
a certain category

of hunky leading man,

jawline without a personality.

No shade to all those jawlines
with no personalities.

It's just not who I am.

The only thing I want to do
is make people laugh.

What have you told Dustin
about roasts?

Everyone's in on the joke.
Everyone's there for the fun.

Though it's at your expense,
you're in on it.

-And so...
-Yeah. I'm signing the checks.

So all is forgiven
if it's funny.

This is such a dream
for me to be here.

I want to be the best by showing
you and everybody who I am.

And who I am, I think,
is a fishy comedy queen

-who's gonna make you laugh.
-Ooh. Ooh.

Have you come up
with a drag name yet?

Yeah, I'm Canadian,

and I was thinking of,
like, Canadian celebrities.

-And Avril Vagine was one.
-Okay.

Yeah. Shania Taint.

-Shania Taint.
-Yeah.

Alex Tre-backrolls
was another one.

Ooh, I like that one, too.

Yeah, I have thought
a lot about drag names.

Gagatha Christie,
Dame Gaggy Smith, Tuck Norris,

Uncle Tuck, Howard the Tuck,
Lucinda Butt, Fierce Brosnan.

There's so many more.

I settled on
Rachel McAdamsapple.

[all laugh]

I think that says it all.

Dustin, what's the charity
you're playing for?

This organization
called Project HEAL,

which deals with
eating disorders.

And it helps provide
mental health assistance.

-That's great.
-Yeah.

Though I've never had
a full-blown eating disorder,

about 30 million Americans are
suffering from eating disorders,

and one-third of those are men.

Wow.

And we got to open up that
conversation as much as we can.

And I hope by putting on

very thick layers of makeup
and high heels,

I can help do that.

I think you can do it.

I will try to do you proud, Ru.

All right. Can't wait.

See you guys later.
Thanks.

Thank you.
I'm so sweaty.

It's like talking to God.
You're like... [laughs]

-Hi.
-Hi, Ru.

In a million years,
I would have never thought

of Kim Chi on a couch
with Matt Iseman.

Same.

What's your first impression
of Kim Chi

in the time you've spent?

Just sitting here with Kim's
unbelievable mind for shade,

I'm loving
what Kim is bringing.

I've done stand-up for 20 years,
but I don't know how to roast.

I'm terrible at it.

And it's so hard to throw shade
to people's faces,

which is why I'm hoping
when I'm in drag,

there'll be
a different confidence.

Once you get into drag,
it's a game changer.

Being in drag is like
the Superman to your Clark Kent.

And because
you have the superpower,

all kinds of things come up.

Any idea
of what's going to emerge

when you get into gorgeous drag?

I love old-school Hollywood,

so I'm hoping I come out
like some starlet diva,

and I really
can command the stage.

I want to kick him
in the nuts with my words.

Have you come up
with a drag name yet?

I thought I'd be
Bette Bordeaux.

Bette Bordeaux.

Bordeaux's are big and bold
and that's what I want to be.

I love that.
That's a great name.

All right.
We'll see you out there.

-Thanks, Ru.
-Bye.

Bette's a great name.
Bette Bordeaux.

Yeah, right?

-Hi, kids.
-Hi-ee.

You know, I've just
got to get this out.

I'm going to say on record
right now

that Alex Newell
is my favorite singer today.

Stop.

I think Alex can move
furniture with his voice.

What charity
are you playing for?

HMI, which is in New York.

-The Hetrick-Martin Institute.
-I love it.

And they've been around
for a long time in New York

helping out kids who have been
thrown out of their homes

with medical care, and housing,
and they're just fabulous.

They are.

Have you come up
with a drag name?

It's Madam That b*tch.

Madam That b*tch.

Well, I guess Madam for sure.

-Or just That b*tch.
-That b*tch.

Which works very well.

You don't forget that.

Marketable.

Is this one funny?

Okay, Alex Newell
is very, very funny.

-Really?
-I was saying

but it is
more of a subtle shade,

and roasts
are about overt shade.

How are you going to translate
this incredible talent you have

into the roast?

I don't know.

It's out of my comfort zone.

But comedy is also
about tempo, pacing, timing.

-Just like singing.
-That's right. That's right.

You seem kind of a shy person.

-I am.
-Yeah.

I can be out,
and I'll put on my good mask,

and I'll go out in the world,

but I'd rather be at home.

Are you afraid?

I'm always afraid.

I'm afraid of waking up
in the morning sometime.

Alex, this thing that you do
so incredibly well

can be translated into
other areas of show business.

Coming to do this competition,
no matter what state you're in,

I think you will always
have doubts coming in here

because it's like meeting a
completely new part of yourself.

And I'm nervous as sh*t.

You are in good hands with Bob.

Lovely.

It's gonna be a lot of fun.

Bye, babe.

We have a lot
to choose from here.

That is a lot.

Oh, my God.

What a weird twist.

I'm starting to see like Alex

get a little bit in his head,
I think,

and feel a little
out of his comfort zone.

He seems nervous.

RuPaul: Coming up...

Who do you think
is your biggest competition?

I'm like,
that's really good, dude.

Oh, yeah, there it is.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

Good morning.

Oh, hi.

Welcome.

Yeah, welcome to day two
here in the workroom.

This is a new day.

It's my first time doing
the full drag queen beat.

Come on down here, Alex.

I'm gonna have to find

who my inner fierce queen
really is for the roast,

and transitioning
into my runway look.

I need some professional help.

Who do you think
is your biggest competition?

Dustin.

Do you think he's gonna be

a secret little
shady little sister.

Yeah, it's the quiet ones
you gotta watch.

Do you feel confident
in yourself?

I'm at, like, a 60...
whatever the other half is.

-60/40.
-Yeah, that.

I don't do math.

Listen, when you're this pretty
and this talented,

why would you do math?

[laughs]

If Madam That b*tch
wants to win this,

she's gonna have to
kick it into high gear,

strap on those pumps,
and f*cking bring it.

To be a true child of Nina West,

you have to work on
your facial expressions.

Okay. We're doing a roast,
and it's not just a roast.

It's a Ru roast.

Show me your best
Nina facial expression.

I want to be able to nail
this roast and the runway.

This is so, so, so, so,
so much pressure.

Sometimes it helps
to vocalize.

Sure, yeah, okay.

You could be like,
oh, Bob's a b*tch.

Bob's a b*tch.

That felt good to say.

-Because it's true.
-It's true. Yeah. [laughs]

How are you feeling?
Are you nervous?

Are you excited
about the competition?

Both. It's hard to know whether
I'm more nervous or excited.

I have so much
that I've learned,

but I want
to bring it all together.

I've still never been
Bette Bordeaux.

To win RuPaul's
Celebrity Drag Race,

I'm gonna have to become
Bette Bordeaux.

And until I figure out

if Bette Bordeaux
is going to show up,

I have no idea
how this roast is gonna go.

Help me.

Are you ready for your reveal?

I hope so.

[laughs]
Oh, my God.

Hello.

-Look at those eyes.
-Bette Bordeaux.

I'm Bette Bordeaux.

Who's this fierce b*tch?

That's Bette.

It's this unbelievable power.

The transformation is real.

Oh, she's feeling it.

Wow.

The roast is gonna be
a taste of Bette Bordeaux,

but for the runway,
needing full Bette.

I would f*ck me.

[laughs]

All right.
Look at yourself.

Oh, come through.

Yes, honey. Ooh.

Ooh. I love this lash.

I feel like I have
a whole toddler on my eyelids.

Right. [laughs]

Honey, the mug is it.

She's smooth.
She's silky.

She's contour house boots.

I'm here for this face.

You need to show
this mug off, honey.

But at the same time,

I have no idea what I'm
going to do for this roast.

-Are you ready?
-Yeah.

All right, turn around.

I want you to see how beautiful
you really are.

Oh, my God.

I am beautiful.

Look at those cheekbones.
Look how narrow that...

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

It's happening for me.

I actually feel

this other side of me come out.

I don't even
have to do anything.

It's just doing it all for me.

[laughs]

The roast look
is gonna be high fashion,

and the runway look
is elegant and sexy.

And I'm really, really excited
about that.

This is Rachel, and she is here.

Rachel McAdamsapple.

I can't help but feel there
is real weight behind this,

and I want to do a good job

because I understand
how important this is.

I know this matters
to so many queens,

and that makes it matter to me.

The next part is the fun part.

-Okay.
-Tucking.

Have you ever considered
the idea of tucking?

Oh.

Are you ready for this?

My ba*ls are in your hands.

Finally!

Mother knows best
and has a dance belt on.

I want you to take your d*ck,
shove it between your legs,

and then tape it up.

One technique is to dance away,
like, you can...yeah.

So you can...
Are you okay?

Tucking, you hear about it.

But when you actually
have to put the tape down there,

you realize...
Oh.

I'm committed now.

[laughs]

And then kind of just go,
like, down

and, oh, my,
that's really good, dude.

It's real tight.

[exhales]

I mean,
this is our second date.

We're already here.

I would give you
a hands-on experience,

but I don't want to be...

It's okay.
After the show.

I was hoping you'd say that.
How does that feel?

Uh...

I'm feeling snug as a bug.

Oh, yeah, there it is.

Where did you go to high school?

In Massachusetts
at a Catholic school.

I was the only out one.

-How was that experience?
-As it always is.

I never went to the bathroom
in high school.

-Yeah.
-Ever.

Like I would hold it all day.

Yes, the bathroom
is a scary place to be

as a g*y boy.

But, like, I'd rather eat
than be eaten.

And so I was a little bit
of a bully sometimes.

I was bullied a lot,

so I tried to get the jabs in
before everybody else did

as my defense mechanism.

I had to learn how to be funny

and use my wit as a way
of shutting people down.

Okay.

As a kid, I was always
so afraid of everything.

You feel a little intimidated.

You feel scared.

And I'm sitting here today

with the same doubt
that I always have.

Madam That b*tch is on
the outside looking sickening,

and Alex is on the inside
shaking in her boots.

RuPaul: Coming up...

Welcome to the roast
of RuPaul.

Bob the Drag Queen is here.

Bob, I loved you in Get Out.

[laughter and applause]

I'm just kidding.

Nobody's gonna mistake Bob
for a movie star.

[laughter]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl,
put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Cover girl,
put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe,
let your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover girl

RuPaul: And what?

[applause]

Welcome to the Main Stage of
RuPaul's Celebrity Drag Race.

Michelle Visage,
are you ready to roast?

Ru, did you know that the only
thing gayer than Ross Mathews

is Carson's jacket?

[laughs]

Ross Mathews, what say you?

Carson's jacket is so g*y,
it can't give blood.

And that's not right.

[all laugh]
Carson, is that true?

My jacket is so g*y,

Ryan Murphy's writing
a miniseries about it.

[all laugh]

Carson, did you
just roast yourself?

I did.

[all laugh]

This week, we challenged
our celebrity drag queens

to let us have it
at the RuPaul Roast.

Celebrities, start your engines,

and made the best
drag queen win.

[Bersulang and applause]

Yay!

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,

and welcome to the roast
of RuPaul.

[Bersulang and applause]

As Miss Congeniality, this is
a little tough for me to do,

because I want to spread love
and spread kindness.

It's gonna be hard for me

to be a hateful c**t
like Michelle.

[all laugh]

Did you know
statistically speaking,

most wrecks happen
within 10 minutes

of your final destination?

Bob, that does explain
your makeup.

[all laugh]

Speaking of wrecks, though,
ladies and gentlemen,

one train wreck is a tragedy,

four is our judges panel.

[all laugh]

I really want to take
this moment to celebrate RuPaul.

Everybody say old.

-Old.
-Old.

Everybody say old.

-Old.
-Old.

Now, I'm excited to welcome to
the stage Rachel McAdamsapple.

[Bersulang and applause]

Michelle: Look at her.

Rachel McAdamsapple
is ready to slay.

This idea of doing a roast,

suddenly it's like
I can do that.

Hi. Here we go.

It is just such an honor
to be on this stage

that is a platform

for so many
underrepresented voices,

and for you to allow me
to bring a voice

to the most
underrepresented group:

straight white guys.

[all laugh]
This means so, so much.

Michelle Visage, such a fan.

Some of you may not know this,

but Visage is actually
the French word for face.

Michelle, obviously
is the French word for wrinkly.

[all laugh]

But, Michelle, I love you

because you give the tough love
to these queens,

you know, because you refuse
to let them suck.

Because according to the
graffiti in the men's bathroom,

that's a service you provide

in the parking lot
after the show.

Thank you.

Ross, I am not going to reach
for low hanging fruit here.

Pause.

And I'm not gonna make some joke

about how,
just like the department store,

you clearly dress for less.
[all laugh]

Because based on what
you're wearing right now,

I don't even think you're
dressing for a mirror.

[all laugh]

The queens, they can really
lose their confidence,

and they can
get down on themselves.

And with your cheery demeanor,
you refuse to let them plunge

into a deep, dark hole
of sadness and regret.

Because according to the
graffiti in the men's bathroom,

that's a service you provide

behind the hair and makeup
trailer after the show.

[laughter and applause]

And Carson.

Carson grew up on a farm,
so he loves to saddle up

and just ride
big, muscular beasts

that smell faintly of sh*t.

[all laugh]

He also likes riding horses.

[all laugh]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
that was a low blow,

and I'm not here
for low blowing.

Because according
to the graffiti

in the men's bathroom,

that is a service
that Carson provides

behind the craft truck
after the show.

[laughter and applause]

-RuPaul.
-Yes.

Of course, we all know,

is famous for bringing
drag culture into the world.

But before that, she was famous

for dragging bacterial culture
into the clinic.

But you are truly a pillar
for an entire community

with a face that's got enough
filler for an entire community.

You may not know this,

but Ru was actually
in an episode

of Walker, Texas Ranger.

And it was the first time
in the entire series

where Chuck Norris
wasn't the worst actor on it.

[laughter and applause]

And now, living proof

that drag
is not just about beauty,

Bob the Drag Queen.

[all laugh]

[applause]

Oh, my God, Dustin,
that was so funny.

Why didn't you do that
on Schitt's Creek?

[all laugh]

Give it up
for Michelle Visage.

And Michelle
has recently decided

to Marie Kondo her t*tties.

She folded them in half
three times,

said "thank you,"
and put them away.

[all laugh]

What's the difference
between Carson Kressley's face

and a plastic bag?

One of them, you pay 10 cents
to dump your junk into,

and the other one
is a plastic bag.

[all laugh]

RuPaul is so old, her original
drag name was Harriet Tubman.

RuPaul's first tea dance
was at the Boston Tea Party.

[all laugh]

And now I would like
to welcome a queen

who answers the question,

what would Ross Mathews
look like

if he was dipped in chocolate?

Alex Newell.

Or as you'll get to know her,
Madam That b*tch.

[Bersulang and applause]

RuPaul: Gorgeous.

Madam That b*tch

is like meeting
a completely new part of me.

This mint look is it,
and I'm ready.

Yes, honey, yes.

Thank you, Danny Glover.

[all laugh]

Let me talk about
some of my...competitors?

[all laugh]

Matt, honey.

That's a big b*tch.

He is the Wreck-It Ralph
of drag.

And I ain't seen
a big burly b*tch like that

since, since, since,
since, since...

Oh, hey, Kim Chi, girl.
How you doing?

You good, baby?

You know, Matt's the host
of American Ninja Warriors.

You know, that show about people
slipping and falling and...

Oh, hey, Kim Chi.

[all laugh]

Dustin Milligan.

I will pause just long enough

for everyone at home
to Google Dustin Milligan.

[all laugh]

Now on to a grown-a*s man
wearing too much makeup.

Michelle Visage.

[all laugh]

As I like to call her,
RuPaul's white shadow.

Oh, Ross, you're just so damn
g*y you make me look straight.

Ross is so g*y that they hired
Carson to butch it up.

[all laugh]

Now on to the queen
of the hour,

the Cicely Tyson of drag queens,

RuPaul.

You know, RuPaul's first
cruise gig was the Amistad.

[all laugh]

You remember, honey?
Give us a screech.

And you know I'm a fan
of all your music, baby.

Sissy That Walk,
that's my jam.

But I have like a couple edits.

For you, Sissy That Walker.

[laughter and applause]

Now let's give it to a queen
that needs no introduction,

just a walker, as well.
Kim Chi.

[Bersulang and applause]

Hi, everyone.

Look at this panel of has-beens.

[all laugh]

It's like a Mount Rushmore
of failed reality stars.

[all laugh]

-Michelle Visage.
-Uh-huh.

She had her boobs removed
this year,

which marked the biggest loss
for the show

since Merle Ginsberg.

[all laugh]

And RuPaul, I'd like
to congratulate you

on your new daytime talk show.

It's going to be a great season.

[laughter and applause]

Now I would like
to bring out a queen

that makes me look petite.

Give it up for Bette Bordeaux.

[Bersulang and applause]

Wow.

As I'm walking out there,

I'm just thinking,
"You're Bette f*cking Bordeaux."

I'm always confident performing,
but this is something different.

I'm owning this sh*t.

Yes, you heard him right.
Bette Bordeaux.

Visage is such a beautiful name.

I didn't know
it was French for face.

That's a bold choice, Michelle.

Usually you pick a name that
accentuates a positive trait.

[all laugh]

But I suppose
Michelle Shoulders

doesn't have the same ring.

[laughter and applause]

I am disappointed, Carson,

that you're not in the reboot
of q*eer Eye.

But keep your chin up,
because I hear you're a shoo-in

for the reboot of Golden Girls.

[all laugh]

You're such a Blanche,
you wh*re.

Carson, he's actually
quite accomplished.

He's won a number of awards
for riding horses.

Yes, Ross, you don't need
to put your hand up.

"Call me Secretariat."

Neigh!

Ross, of all the things
you could suck on

before going on stage,

why do you always choose
a tank of helium?

[all laugh]

I love you, Ross,

and I love that you look
like you shop at Ross.

Let's be honest.

No one has ever called him
Versace Mathews.

Bob the Drag Queen is here.

Bob, I loved you in Get Out.

[all laugh]

I'm just kidding.

Nobody's going to mistake Bob
for a movie star.

[all laugh]

Nina West is so big,

her real name
is Nina Pinta Santa Maria.

[all laugh]

Nina West is so big,
her name shouldn't be Nina West.

It should be Nina
The Whole Damn Compass.

[all laugh]

Nina West is so big,
when she's on the runway,

they say "cleared for takeoff."

[all laugh]

But let's move on
to our Queen Supreme, Mama Ru.

You are lucky, Ru.

Black don't crack,
but it do droop.

[all laugh]

Could I suggest
you ask your plastic surgeon

what tuck really means?

[all laugh]

Thank you all.

This concludes
RuPaul's Celebrity Roast.

[Bersulang and applause]

Good night.

RuPaul: Coming up...

I never thought
this moment would happen.

To see somebody like you
do this,

it's like an added thing
I didn't expect to feel.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

Now it's time
for the runway debut

of our celebrity glamazons.

Category is Best Drag.

Here is Dustin Milligan
before.

Here is
Rachel McAdamsapple now.

Oh. Wow.

RuPaul: Look at those
two tig old bitties.

Michelle: God, I miss mine.

[all laugh]

Rachel McAdamsapple
is serving elegance.

It's sexy.

And when I look like this,

when I feel like this,
it's empowering.

This is Alex Newell before.

And allow me to introduce you
to Madam That b*tch.

♪ Can't believe
what you see ♪

♪ Sexy drag queen

Carson: Come on up
and untuck me sometime.

[all laugh]

I have been on so many stages,
and this feels different

because you look at yourself,

and you see yourself
in a different light.

It's my time to reclaim
the confidence that I lost.

This is Matt Iseman before.

And I present to you now
Bette Bordeaux.

♪ Sexy drag queen

-Oh.
-Wow.

RuPaul: She's an American Ninja,
but whorier.

[all laugh]

What I'm serving
is old school Hollywood vixen.

RuPaul: Oh.

I'm feeling better, stronger,

and more confident
with every step.

Bette is a bad b*tch.

♪ Sexy, sexy drag queen

RuPaul: Welcome, racers.

That was the funniest roast
we have ever had on this stage.

And you'll each be hearing
from my lawyers.

[all laugh]

All right, now it's time
for the judges' critiques,

starting with
Rachel McAdamsapple.

Your roast, honey,
that is how you do it.

There wasn't a joke
that didn't work,

even the ones about me.

I'd tell you
to go f*ck yourself,

but you're already doing it
with that tuck.

[all laugh]

I would love to know where you
got the definition for Michelle.

Uh...

So if Visage means "face"
in French,

Michelle means "wrinkly."

[all laugh]

I, uh...

Huh?

I understood that
it was French Canadian for...

There may have been something
lost in translation, yeah.

[laughs]

Rachel McAdamsapple.
You look gorgeous.

This look is insane.

But most importantly
was that attitude.

You really found
your drag persona,

and you came out here,
and you were living it.

It's like you knew this was
a once-in-a-lifetime moment

and you just embraced it
so fully.

Do you feel beautiful?

I feel so beautiful
and like powerful.

Something happens
when you do the full drag.

And you look in the mirror,

and all of a sudden,
you're like, wow,

there is more to me
than I ever imagined,

and I love who that person is.

It's transformative.
It really is.

This is something
I'm never going to forget.

Dustin really realizes
the importance of this show.

So to see him have this moment
is really awesome,

because I know how much
it means to him.

Up next, Madam That b*tch
Alex Newell.

You know, the stage is a very
comfortable place for you.

But I felt like
that comedy challenge

was a little different for you.

-Am I correct?
-Yeah. It's hard.

Yeah. I thought
you were really funny.

You did a great job tonight,
and you look stunning.

Thank you, darling.

You command the stage.

You do it on Broadway,
you did it here,

you did it during the runway,
you're doing it with this look.

I'm looking at your body,
and I'm taking it all in.

So sexy, so beautiful,
so strong.

Thank you, honey.

You know, it's interesting.

I've watched you for years,

and you have no problem
pushing boundaries.

But I think this must be
the furthest you've ever gone.

How does it make you feel?

To know that I fit in,

and to be like this
and still fit in,

and not have to try to fit in
is brilliant and beautiful,

and I love that part of it.

It's an emotional journey,

because I have so many people
in my life

that reassure me and tell me.

But when you say it,
I listen to it.

And I thank you.
Thank you.

-Thank you, baby.
-Lovely.

When you are around people
who have experiences like yours,

you feel more comfortable.

We are both black q*eer men.

That does create
an instant bond.

I'm really excited
he's had this opportunity.

He's doing a really good job.

Up next, Bette Bordeaux.

Matt. Remember that time

you kicked my a*s
on The Apprentice?

[all laugh]

Remind me again.
I don't remember.

You did it again.
You k*lled this.

The shadiest beeyotch up there.

You were shay-dee.

You were the closer,
the toughest gig in comedy,

and you hit it out of the park.

It was a grand slam.

It was just really, really good.

Matt is my friend
for a long time,

and I can say
with quite certainty,

I never thought this moment
would happen,

and I'm so glad it did.

You have such
a beautiful heart, Matt.

You are such a kind, loving man.

You also look and sound

like every bully
who was mean to me growing up.

And to see
somebody like you do this

I think is going to give
a lot of people like that

maybe a little freedom
to loosen up,

to open their heart
and open their mind.

It's like an added thing
I didn't expect to feel.

That's beautiful.
I appreciate you saying that.

The thing that amazes me,

particular with Kim,
but of all the queens,

is they don't give a f*ck
what anyone thinks.

And I just thought,

I'm always concerned
with what people think.

And to be up here
and put this on,

and all of a sudden transform
and not care

is just an unbelievable feeling.

And I think
that's one of the things

that I love most about drag

is seeing people become
who they've always wanted to be.

I'm so proud of Matt for finding
his inner feminine side.

It's so fulfilling
to watch someone

just make this character
for themselves,

and just be
fully submerged in it.

Thank you, racers.
I think we've heard enough.

Now to prepare
for your final lip sync,

you may return to the werkroom.

RuPaul: Coming up...

This has been
so, so unbelievable.

I forget that I'm wearing...

Oh.

Everything I've been working on
in this competition

comes down
to this very last moment.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[exhales]

Oh, my God.

You're gonna want one of these.
This is a tradition.

Back in the werkroom,

the runways have happened,
the critiques have happened,

and it's like,
oh, God, what a relief.

But now we have to lip sync
for our charities.

f*ck.

How's everyone feeling?

I'm so glad
I survived the runway.

Just tried to serve it up
and not fall.

Matt k*lled the roast.

Bette Bordeaux's a shady,
ruthless b*tch.

I'm such a proud mom.

This is why people give birth.

See, I was expecting them
to read me for my walk.

But when they actually
are just there

to support the fact that we're
even here walking at all,

it's just so nice to feel
like a part of this family.

Alex, what was it like for you?

I was feeling uncomfortable

because I was just trying
to exude artificial confidence

and still the confidence that I
was feeling that was new to me.

Yeah.

And hearing the critiques that
were positive were brilliant.

It a combination of faking it
until you make it.

-Yeah.
-And then you made it.

[both laugh]

These three celebrities
are doing a very good job.

They are doing
what it takes to win.

Like, they want to win.

So we'll see.

This has been
so, so unbelievable.

I forget that I'm wearing...

Oh, my God.

Oh, hey, guys.

What's up, bros?
Hi-ee.

-Hi.
-Oh, my God.

Here is my outside world

literally walking in
to the werkroom. It's wild.

Hi, I'm Nina and I'm single.

-Hi, Wade.
-Nice to meet you.

It was really lovely to see
this beautiful g*y couple

supporting their straight friend
in drag for the very first time.

I'm just really taking aback
by your chest.

Yeah, I fully tucked.

Who gave you that demo?

Nina helped me with it.

-Really?
-Yeah. Yeah.

And she was very hands-on.

And also then hands-in
at one point.

Wow. That's, like, thorough.

Again, I'm just so happy
to be here.

Is it nervous
that you were, like,

because you're
a very handsome man,

I was like maybe he's gonna
be like an ugly lady.

But you're equally
as attractive.

It's annoying.

Yeah, you guys have been in here
for like eight minutes.

That's the first
you've said of that,

so, I mean, I'm just a little...
I mean, come on.

Not sure what that's about.

-Oh!
-Oh!

-Hey, queens.
-Oh, h*, h*.

Cowgirl, drag me away.

[all laugh]

There's nothing quite like
seeing someone you love

see you as a big, bad b*tch.

You want to feel my breasts?

-Can I? All right.
-Yeah.

-Oh.
-Right?

Blblblblblbl.

Dreams do come true.

My girlfriend
just motorboated me,

and I'm getting turned on.

-You really do look stunning.
-Thank you, thank you.

I've never seen
this version of drag on me.

It's nice to know

that as nervous and scared
that I was on the inside,

that it wasn't seen on stage.

You look at yourself as
a completely different person.

It's crazy.

Imma facechat
with my best Judy, Clark.

Clark understands the journey
that I've been on

of self-discovery right now.

Clark: Oh, my God.
What is this look?

Oh, my God.

Oh, I'm seeing myself
for the first time on camera.

-You look amazing.
-Thanks, Bubs.

I'm going to film her for you.

Yeah, you didn't see
the full fantasy.

Sashay, shantay,
panther on the runway.

Do it, do it.

Wow, I am...I'm in awe.

[both laugh]

We're all such huge fans
of yours.

This experience
would not be the same for me

and it would not be
as fulfilling

if I was with anybody
other than you.

-I love you.
-I think we're in love.

I cosign on that.

And the lip sync, I mean...

Ignore the other b*tches.

The stage is yours.
Create a fantasy world.

See, this is why Kim
is so wonderful.

Unfortunately, I have to tell
you to get the f*ck out

'cause I gotta lip sync

and I'm very, very nervous
about it.

Bye. I'll talk to you later.

Okay, bye.

Lip sync is where people win
entire seasons.

This is the moment
to truly, truly bring it.

Everything's gone really well,

but there's still one giant
looming test that remains.

Everything I've been working on
this entire competition

comes down
to this very last moment.

This is going to be
theThunderdome of lip sync.

We're going to w*r.

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

Welcome back, racers.

This is your last chance
to impress me,

earn $30,000
for the charity of your choice,

and the title of America's
Next Celebrity Drag Superstar.

The time has come...
[thunder]

for you to lip sync...

[echoing] for your charity!

Good luck,
and don't f*ck it up.

♪ There were nights when
the wind was so cold ♪

♪ That my body froze in bed

♪ If I just listened to it
right outside the window ♪

[all laugh]

♪ There were days
when the sun was so cruel ♪

♪ That all the tears
turned to dust ♪

♪ And I just knew my eyes
were drying up forever ♪

♪ Forever

♪ I finished crying
in the instant that you left ♪

♪ And I can't remember
where or when or how ♪

♪ And I banished every memory
you and I had ever made ♪

♪ Baby, baby,
if I kiss you like this ♪

♪ And if you whisper
like that ♪

♪ It was lost long ago

♪ But it's all
coming back to me ♪

♪ If you want me like this

♪ And if you need me
like that ♪

♪ It was dead long ago, but
it's all coming back to me ♪

♪ I can barely recall

♪ But it's all
coming back to me now ♪

[Bersulang and applause]

There's three different
performances going on.

♪ But you were history...

Matt has some
really great instincts.

He's really going for it.

[all laugh]

Alex I feel like knows
how to embody femininity.

If you can bring nuance
to a performance,

that's what makes
a lip sync fierce.

Dustin is giving a bit
of a classic drag lip sync.

So there's
no clear frontrunner here.

♪ It's all coming back

♪ It's all coming back
to me now ♪

♪ There were moments of gold

♪ And there were flashes
of light ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby

♪ When you touch me like this

♪ And when you hold me
like that ♪

♪ It was gone with the wind

♪ But it's all
coming back to me now ♪

[Bersulang and applause]

[all laugh]

RuPaul: Ladies.

I've made my decision.

Madam That b*tch.

Rachel McAdamsapple.

Bette Bordeaux.

For the first time
in Drag Raceherstory...

It's a three-way tie.

Aah!

[Bersulang and applause]

Con-drag-ulations.

You've each earned $20,000
for your charity.

[Bersulang and applause]

Hetrick-Martin Institute,

Project HEAL,

and the Arthritis Foundation.

Alex: We're all winners,
which is phenomenal.

I did this
for the little chocolate boy

that is a little chunkier,
that's a little effeminate,

that will see me
and see that no matter what,

they can do anything
they put their mind to.

Kim, share this with me.
Put your hand on my rod.

[all laugh]

I came into this

hoping to become
a better performer,

and to feel a little bit better

about my ravaged,
arthritic body.

And it's amazing
how much you learn

when you try to walk in someone
else's really tall high heels.

I'm just totally overwhelmed.

This is so unexpected, because
I actually just came here

to audition for the Pit Crew,

and got turned around
in the hallway.

[all laugh]

So thank you so much.

I'm f*cking gooped.

We're all winners, baby.
Thank you. Thank you.

And then to top it all off,

I started to find
this thing inside of me

that I always hoped was there.

Yeah, a little bit.

Because I'm really...
it means a lot to me.

And I'm very grateful.

Con-drag-ulations, and remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell
you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

-Amen!
-Amen!

Now let the music play.

♪ I am American, American,
American ♪

♪ I am American, American

♪ The red, white, and blue

♪ I am American, American,
American ♪

♪ Just like you, too

♪ I am American, American,
American ♪

♪ I am American, American

♪ The red, white, and blue

♪ I am American, American,
American ♪

♪ I am American, American

♪ Just like you, too

♪ Am-Am-Am-Am-Am-American,
American, American ♪

♪ I am American, American

♪ The red, white, and blue

♪ I am American, American,
American ♪

♪ I am American