01x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

I'm re-creating a Michelin-star
menu from my first restaurant.

La Moulineux was on that menu.

$870 a single.

- You can't live in a shed.
- Oh!

But it's all right for
a dining room, is it?

You only get those once you've created

a world-class, Michelin-level dessert,

by this evening.

- But what is the truth?
- Your mother packed up and left!

You should come to the opening.

I wouldn't miss it.

Dude, we totally just
popped our cherries.

This is my dessert.

Is this some kind of a joke?

If you really want to
take it to the next level,

you need to start
listening to me, got it?

- Easton, what are...
- Shh!

Okay. Go!

- Just look out for the farmer!
- Ooh!

Why can't we just buy milk at the servo?

It's, like, a buck a litre and...

... nowhere near as
much sh*t on the floor.

It's opening night. We need the
freshest milk we can source.

This dessert is all about terroir.

Ter-wha?

Terroir. It's French.
It means the taste of the soil,

the land the produce is grown on.

Right. That sounds... unhygienic.

What exactly is this dessert?

Crème brûlée?

I told you, it was on the menu
when I won my first Michelin star.

- You don't think it needs...
- No.

I thought we established
you would follow my lead.

Just make 20 more as perfect as that one

and I will be very happy.

Well, as long as you're happy.

That's the 11th person I've
turned away for tonight.

We should have set up more tables.

The harder it is to get in,
the more buzz we get.

Then we add the tables
and raise the prices.

Just leave the business to me

and you keep answering the telephones.

We need a proper maître d'.

We just stole $2 worth
of milk from a cow.

We can't afford a proper maître d'.

How'd you get Zhao's guy, then?

I give him my body for whatever
demented pleasures he so desires.

80 minutes at 86 degrees.

- Don't take your eyes off it.
- Oui, Chef.

I want you all to taste
La Moulineux merlot.

You need to understand

how it's going to bring
the whole menu together.

Crème brûlée?

And I thought you said we were
going to be the next Noma.

Yes, we will.

He's just going for a more
classical, refined thing

and once we're established, I'll
be able to bring in my own stuff.

It's good. He's...
He knows what he's doing.

What is that smell?

You don't smell that?

- Ironic.
- What?

You walked through that
bullshit to make this bullshit.

Hey, maybe it'll pair with
his bullshit French wine.

What. The. Actual... Fuuuuuck?!

Last time we had a legit meeting
with Margot, you just left me there.

Now you want me to come
and taste her wines,

even though I know nothing about wine.

- Makes no sense.
- You learn on the job.

I got where I did working
under great chefs.

I was under a great chef last week,

but we definitely weren't working!

You said, and I quote,

"Margot Duplass is an hysterical witch

whose natural wines taste
like hangover piss."

Well, don't mention that
when you ask for the loan.

What loan?

Your alcoholic grandfather stole
and drank my only case of merlot.

The only cash we have is
in the ashtray of that ute

and we're on the only vineyard
owned by someone we sort of know.

Do the maths.

Diana would love to apologise for
missing our meeting the other day.

Oh, she's got nothing to apologise for.

I'll be back. Gotta take this call.

Press. All over me.

Don't know how he's making calls.

We have zero reception up here.

Come. Taste.

Oh, no. I... I actually
know nothing about wine.

Uh, the last stuff I had was
straight out of a goon bag

and it... did not end well.

Ah, our industry is full of wankers.

They want you to think you know nothing

so they can flog their over-processed,

over-marketed garbage.

And I'm the crazy one, because
I want to make wines naturally.

What do you taste?

I... I don't know. Grapes.

What about at the back?

Blackcurrant note, maybe?

Actually, yeah. Now that you've
said it, I can... I can taste that.

Wine should tell a story about
the place that it's made

and the people that make it.

- That's what gives it its meaning.
- Yeah.

I've... I've actually started doing
that with my latest dishes.

Oh! I tasted your moonshine cake!

- Oh!
- It was fantastic.

Yeah? Thank you. Actually,
he didn't tell me that.

Of course he didn't.

What... actually... happened
the last time he came up here?

I had him for lunch.

That's fruity.

Is, um... is it plums?

See? Very good!

You've got an excellent palate.

You should trust it.

Actually...

Easton sort of brought me
here to ask you something.

- Oh, did he, now?
- Yeah.

It's... a little embarrassing.

Adelaide Hills pinot.

Soft and plummy with a
good tannic structure.

You can pay me tonight
if you make any money.

That won't be a problem.
We're fully booked.

Margot's kindly accepted
our invitation for dinner.

Oh, really? Great.

Well, it's the least we could do
to make up for Diana's no-show.

Thanks for the wine.

Well, it's no over-priced merlot,

but hopefully this
hysterical witch's brew

will be more than a match
for your culinary genius.

See you both tonight.

I like her.

I'm sorry for calling you a c*ck.

What is that word?

I don't know. I heard it once
and I thought it sounded funny.

All right.

Hey, I got you a VIP table.

- Diana!
- Really?

You should see what we've
done with the place, Mum.

- It looks freaking amazing.
- Diana!

- I've gotta go. I'll see you tonight.
- Okay.

- How's the mix?
- Yeah, almost ready, Chef.

Okay. Let's stay focused.

We'll get onto the scallop entree next.

Christ almighty!

What the hell's he doing?

Maybe he's feeling a bit left out.

Go grab that g*n off him.

Chef. Chef!

You said you knew how to
use a sous vide, you idiot!

I do! I set it to 86 degrees,
like you said.

It's the dodgy machine
you got off Gumtree.

All my venison is f*cking f*cked!

I'll go to the butcher's.
They're still open.

We had to order it.
We bought all they had.

Why don't we just get
Pop to get us a roo?

I mean, you can cook it on the fire pit.

It'll be more like the restaurant
I imagined anyway.

- It'll be totes terroir.
- This is fine dining,

not a shitty sausage sizzle!

This menu won me a Michelin star!

Have you ever won a star?

- No.
- Have you ever won anything?

CWA's Best Cake at the
Uraidla Fair last year.

Exactly, so just keep your
sh*t ideas to yourself

and just do what you're told
like a good little girl.

f*ck!

The supplier's in Hahndorf,
Vasiliadi's Venison.

I doubt they sell directly
from the farm, though.

Okay. Well, why didn't you
say so in the first place?

Okay. While I'm gone, you
take over the mise en place.

You, fix the sous vide machine

or find a work-around and you, just...

... pull your finger out of your arse

and stop looking so f*cking miserable!

I'm not putting up with him.

Arni, most geniuses
act like wankers, okay?

Mozart... w*nk*r. Steve Jobs... w*nk*r.

The Dalai Lama? Probably a total w*nk*r!

Um, seriously?

- What's gotten into you lately?
- What do you mean?

Your priorities are warped.

You abandon me and our business,

talk me into working here for free,

then try and justify this guy treating
us both like absolute crap?

Are you kidding? This is our big break!

He's using us as cheap labour!

You're basically his apprentice.

We were selling cakes in a car park

before I set all this up.

We are literally on the verge of
everything that we've dreamed about.

Maybe, but I don't want to do
it like this and not with him.

b*tch, do not abandon me right now.

b*tch, stop being his b*tch.

After all I've done for you?

I literally carried Hot Buns for years,

'cause trust me, babe,

no-one was coming for your
shitty sago pudding pots, okay?

I've let you follow me around
and copy me since year 7

and now you're just gonna
leave me at my hour of need?

You're such a f*cking selfish...

Go on.

... b*tch!

Nice.

You and him deserve one another.

What did Diana say?

- She's got us a VIP table.
- Ooh!

She sounded so grown-up.

Are you sure you're going
to be okay tonight?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. Why?

Oh, just checking.

Oh! I... like the outfit.

Well, the press will be there.

I can't have them thinking that
every West is a classless scumbag.

Yeah, right.

Oh! I wonder what's on the menu.

- I'm starving!
- Mmm.

You're drinking.

Relax, Brett. It's Saturday.

But you don't drink.

I don't not drink.

I'm just not a chronic alcoholic
like the rest of my family.

- Hi.
- Oh, my God!

You're, um... Oh! Fritzen...

- Easton West, yes.
- Yes! Ha!

Oh, wow. Is this a TV thing?

- What... Hey, Mama!
- No, no. No, no, is the boss here?

I'm the boss, you vlaka. Eh?

Oh, wow.

_

_

Like, I'm a fan,

but my sister is obsessed.

- You have to say hello to her.
- Oh, lovely.

Uh, actually, the reason I'm
here is I really need to...

Hey, Mama...

_

_

_

_

_

Hey, Maureen. Guess who's in
the living room right now.

Oh, my God! Are we on TV?

I need some venison for my restaurant.

Oh, no, sorry.
We don't have any of that.

What?

I'm jokin', mate! We're
a frickin' venison farm!

Here. Hold that and I'll radio
the boys in cold store.

This is unbelievable.

I've got all your books,

even that crap Christmas
one you did with Delia.

Close your eyes.

I'm getting out. No peeking!

Hey, how much do you want?

4 kilos of fillet.

Oh, my God.

You're even better looking in real life!

Let me take a picture.

- Say cheese!
- Cheese!

Nice!

Thicken, you stupid
piece of fricking sh*t!

Frickin' boring crème brûlée!

The salt from your sweat
or tears made it split.

Maybe you should take a
break. I'll re-do it for you.

I've been a royal d*ck, haven't I?

We need to push on.

We have diners coming who've paid
a stupid amount for the privilege.

We owe them a good dessert.

I don't want to give them
just a good dessert.

I want to give them a frickin'
mind-blowing dessert.

Okay. Well, then give them a frickin'
mind-blowing dessert, then!

Okay! Then I will give them a frickin'
mind-blowing dessert, then.

Good.

You didn't answer my question
about me being a royal d*ck.

Yes.

You were being a royal d*ck.

Thank you.

You, uh... you saved me. This is
truly a debt I can never repay.

Um, hang on, what do you
mean, you can never repay?

Well, I can pay, just that
we deal in cash, so I...

... I can only pay after service.

_

Well, we'll have a VIP table,
for starters, for tonight.

And then you and I can talk
about a repayment plan.

I'm sorry. We're fully booked.

Well, our meat's fully booked, mate.

Listen. We'll make a trade, hmm?

We have goods that can make you happy

and I'm sure that if you
use your imagination,

you can think of something
that'll make my sister happy.

We need an extra table
for two VIPs, ASAP.

- Where's what's-her-face?
- She quit.

- Quit?!
- And we're at capacity.

Um, Easton, I finished dessert,

but I've gotta sort of tell you...

Well, that makes you our new maître d'.

Go and find a solution. Now!

You, update.

Chef, I've rigged the water
bath so we can still sous vide,

I've prepped all the veg
and the stock is done.

- Service in 60.
- Good.

Come on in! Welcome to June.

Have a sit.

Hi, Margot! Hey, Ben.

- Welcome! Good to see you.
- Oh... wow.

I love the garage.
I've never seen anything like it.

Well, if the food's as
cool as the fit-out,

this should be quite an experience.

Yeah. Yeah, thanks.

Um, so, have a look around.

Um, we'll be calling service soon.

If you see a guy with a
shotgun, just ignore him.

That's just my pop.

- Good luck.
- Thank you.

Hi! Welcome.

- Did she say 'shotgun'?
- I hope so.

Holy sh*t!

Frangipani Fanny is here!

She's a massive food
blogger from Sydney.

Well, you have my permission
to kick her in the fanny

if she asks for a freebie.

And Margot's here. With Ben Zhao.

- Together?
- Mm-hm.

Oh.

Pop's entertaining the guests.

Service! Let's go.

- Mmm!
- Who brings a roadie in a wine glass?

Mmm! Straight ahead.

Oh, no, turn right.

Yeah, I know!

Oh, look what they've done to the place!

- Incredible.
- Whoa.

Look! It's incredible!

Our happy childhood home!

Look, we don't have to go in.

Mmm.

- Great, but...
- Mmm!

You get yourself ready for a...

... an entree of escargot on my
mother's empty grave, Bretty.

- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.

A glass of wine with my
absent, alcoholic father.

You've just got a bit...
a little bit there,

- just on your lipstick...
- Mmm.

Some lipstick, on your lips...

You... What are you...

- Jimmy-f*cking-West!
- Whoa, whoa...

I'm coming for you!

- You cowardly piece of sh*t!
- Babe...

No, no.

- Let... Check... Brett...
- Why... why don't we just go home?

Why don't we just go home?

Give me back my... my f*cking daughter!

Right f*cking now!

Oh!

- Baby. Baby...
- Mmm!

Let's let Diana have her night, eh?

k*lling your brother's only
a short-term solution.

You've gotta learn to play
the long game, love.

Chef West's scallops with sage cream.

Coquilles Saint Jacques?

Wow.

I thought you were doing
a Nordic new-wave thing.

This is... more like French old-wave.

Chef won his Michelin
star with tonight's menu,

which is a celebration
of his food journey.

He asks that you please enjoy.

It looks elegant.

Yeah, but what is it saying?

The critics are gonna crucify
us for this old-school food

and my mum and dad didn't turn up.

I didn't tell Ben I'm working here.

I think we'll be crucified together.

Hey, love turds.
Stop fondling each other.

Mains service. Let's go.

Yes, Chef.

Service! Go.

- Are the desserts ready?
- Yes, Chef.

So, listen, I've gotta
tell you something...

Three minutes and bring
them out after my speech.

You're doing a speech without me?

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you and thank you for coming
to this very special evening,

the opening night of June.

Uh, it's been 30 years since I left home

a young man with a dream of becoming
one of the world's great chefs

and through hard work and sacrifice,

I am fortunate to say that
I made that dream a reality.

Tonight's menu represents a
lifetime dedicated to excellence.

It is the story of my career,

a showcase of European fine dining

that I'm thrilled to be
able to bring back home

and share with Australian
diners for the very first time.

And the new chapter of my food journey

has been co-written by my niece, Diana,

an incredibly talented pastry chef

who I have taken under my wing.

Thank you again.

It's good to be home.

Diana will now serve her dessert.

Bon appétit.

That speech made his
venison seem interesting.

Mmm.

What is that?

Hi, everyone.

My name is Diana West

and I'm the pastry chef here tonight.

It's been a crazy couple
of weeks for me.

I opened a restaurant, uh,
with Unkie Eastie over there,

um, and I also lost my virginity.

Thank you.

Tonight's dessert is the
story of my deflowering...

... and it is called Pop My Cherry Ripe.

So, we have for you a chocolate vag*na.

Inside is a crème brûlée base

made with milk stolen from the
cows at the dairy next door.

We have roasted coconut,

a cherry gel made from local produce

and orgasmo popping candy.

Thank you.

I hope you enjoy.

- After you.
- Did you get a spoon?

Well, how are you meant to eat it?

I don't think we're supposed
to have spoons.

No way!

Congratulations, Chef.

Amazing.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, dude.

You need to copyright
Diana's sweet, like, ASAP.

It's... it's art, it's political,
it's so now, you know?

So, saw Kwame working for you.

Mmm. He and Diana are a thing.

Right!

Well, so he inspired
Diana's dessert, then.

My man!

I suppose you owe tonight's
success to him, then.

And considering I taught
him everything he knows...

I'm just messing with you, bruh.

I'll go say hi to him now.

Congrats again.

He's always very pleased
with himself, isn't he?

Well, he is very clever.

Well, I had a wonderful time.

And the food?

I liked it.

I was very pleased that you...

... let Diana spread her... wings.

Hmm.

Voilà.

My new dessert wine.

- _
- It's a little experimental.

I'm interested in your
and Diana's thoughts.

- We should have some now.
- Margot!

- Tomorrow, you...
- Tomorrow's good also.

... could send over that
money you owe me.

Oh. Yeah. Yes, right. Well...

Actually, save a trip.

Why don't I just pay you now?

Good-oh.

- Hey!
- Hey.

What's up?

- He was so angry.
- Easton?

Ben. About me working here.

He said he'd supported
me and I'd betrayed him.

I'm sorry. People suck.

I mean, my parents didn't even show up.

I told him I was just...
helping out my girlfriend,

but he didn't care.

I'm sorry, Di. I don't think
I can work here again.

Really?

I'm your girlfriend?

Yeah. I... I thought we...

Is that okay?

- Well, I... I should go.
- Okay.

See ya... boyfriend.

People raved to me, Easton!

They f*cking loved it!

Frangipani Fanny said

that she's never had a dining
experience like this one!

If I'd have pulled that sh*t
when I was apprenticing...

What? I'm not your apprentice, Easton.

- I'm your business partner.
- A kitchen is a team.

Running off and showboating like that?

It upset the whole balance of my menu.

The diners didn't get
to understand my story.

It's un-f*cking-professional!

Okay.

Your menu...

... was a bedtime story, dude.

I mean, I've been trying to tell you

there's been a revolution in food

while you've had your head up your arse.

Oh, and you think
you're gonna win a star

by putting your snatch on a plate?

- It's tacky.
- Oh!

You use me as a cover story

for your pathetic has-been comeback

and it's my vag*na that's tacky?

Okay. Dude, I couldn't give a
sh*t about stars, all right?

I... I want to make food that
no-one's ever seen before,

food that actually means something

and it's pretty f*cking crystal
clear from your 'menu'

that you have no new ideas yourself,

so moving forward,

maybe you should start listening to me.

Well, that's not gonna be necessary,

because you and I are not
gonna be moving forward.

Pack up your knives and get
out of my f*cking kitchen.

You're fired! And please...

do not be here when I get back!

What?! You... you can't fire
me, you egomaniacal knob!

You're f*cking fired!

Get the f*ck out of my kitchen, b*tch!

Natural wines, experimental
bloody piss-water.

Stupid, ballsy m*therf*cker...

f*ck!

Oh! You'll not waste that, boy!

I could have k*lled you,
you bloody idiot!

k*ll me, then!

Put it back, you silly sod!

Never!

Sometimes in life, a man
has to do what's right.

Bullying people, throwing
your weight around,

trying to destroy beautiful young
things just starting out in life!

Put the bottle back, or I will...

Oh, go on, you great gobshite!

Do it! Eh?

Huh? Awww, haw, haww.

I didn't think so.

Oh, go and cry in the woods

and take a good, hard look at
yourself, you little pissant!

I can explain!

Nooooo!

I know you!

You are the famous angry chef man!

I feel worse.

That'll put hairs on
your chest, that will.

Hairy t*ts. The boys'll go nuts.

I know you're both angry with me...

Ooh! Oh!