02x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

[MIXER WHIRRING]

I've got a thick,
firm snow here.

So it's on to the yolks.
Three yolks.

I have to empty
the yogurt properly

before I can start using it
to measure
all my other ingredients.

I have to say, I find this
so charming, this recipe.

Wiped the yogurt part
and everything measured out...

She's so sexy.

Nigella could get it.

Please.

What?

"Nigella could get it?"

You're gonna make
a move on Nige?

Yeah.

What a joke.

I'd love to see it.

Pay to see it.

You don't need to pay it,
I'll do it for free.

-Really, Nigella Lawson, yeah?
-Mmm.

A sensual queen.

-Voluptuous goddess of women.
-Mmm.

That's the key word,
woman.

-And you're gonna make a move?
-Yeah.

Damn it. Yeah.

-In your school uniform, yeah?
-Yes!

-Go on, we don't have much time.
-Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Nige, baby...

-[SNORTS]
-Honey...

Listen.

The connection is palpable.

Do you feel it?

-[SNIGGERING]
-I feel it. Yeah?

f*ck society. f*ck the rules.

[WHISPERING]
This is just me and you
doing what lovers do.

My God, sicko!

Oh, the things
I could do to you.

Ugh! Slime ball!

I could make you squirt.

Squirt? No, you didn't!

Stop! Ugh!

Sick, man!

Right, shush now. Want to know
how to make a cheesy cob loaf.

Do you want a bit of my
battered pineapple?

I'd rather die, thanks.

Sure?

It's nice!

I will end you.

Ugh!
Come here, come here!

[KISSES]

Cheating on Nigella already?

[PHONE BUZZING]

Mum's asking if you're staying.

I really don't want you to.
But she seems keen, so...

Yeah, go on then,

I can't believe
this is my life.

Girl.

Girl,

I need to go.

Psycho. Still watching me sleep?

As if.

Just wondering if you're
gonna brush your teeth.

No I'm not.

Was just looking
at that picture.

You look like him.

Don't say that, he's uggers.

What does he do?

Works in finance.

Is he rich?

Yeah, but he's tight
as a nun's clam.

So why we going there, then?

Though he was going to buy us stuff?

Coz he will let us live in his flat out of guilt

for not knowing
when my birthday is.

Small price to pay, really.

I need to go, get changed.

So be it.

Give me a kiss.

[LAUGHS]

[KISSES]

[GROANS]

Wait for me to shower
and I'll come with you.

Kinda need to wash my hair.

I want to meet your mum.

Yeah, you will,
she just works loads.

[CYCLE BELL RINGS]

[LAUGHS]

Where the hell did you get that?

She said she wanted a bike,
so I bought a bike.

How much did you pay for it?

Where there's a will,
there's a way.

I'd like to get fit-- That's it now!

Gunna cycle everywhere.

Yep.

Think you need a helmet though.

You're like a blancmange
on that.

Getting a helmet
with fire on it.

-All right.
-Fire?

Ha. [BLOWS A TRUMPET]

-sh*t.
-I'm off.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

So where did you stay
last night?

Lydia's.

Oh, yeah. I've been staying
at Lydia's a lot lately.

Eyes on the road, please.

Well, I think I'm going
to leave this week.

-What?
-Now or never, innit?

No, Mum. Stop, stop,
stop a sec.

What?

What the hell?
What are you gonna say?

I'm not gonna say anything.

I'm just gonna disappear
before he can kick off.

But that's not gonna work.
He'll find you.

No, Dad don't know who Perry is.

-There's a room for you.
-No, Mum.

He's not going to take that.
He'll come to my school
or something.

-Please--
-Enough worrying.

I'm gonna sort it, Beth.

Giddy up!
Come on, faster, baby.

Spank it!

What's wrong with you?

State of these pillocks.

Hey, pop star,
this make you feel sick?

[CACKLING]

Get off you perve. Your turn.

What?

Hey babe.

I'm sorry,
is this strange fellows?

Sit down.

f*cking...

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Beth.

My Auntie Lena bought a caravan.

Four-berther-slash.

-Amazing.
-Yeah, I know.

Then I saw Saville
with her money.

[GIRL MOANING]

Uh, miss, it's like
feeding time at the zoo in here.

Oh, my good Lord.
Who on Earth wants to see that?

Oh, don't be jealous, Miss.

Yeah, right. Look up
the word "delusional."

But sit down first.

No, listen.
Coursework is due in on Friday.

So if you want to talk to me
about anything, last chance.

And seeing as it takes up 30% of your grade,
so I suggest you do.

Oh, Miss. Who even cares, like?

I do.

If you'd ever shut your
wet hole of a mouth.

Wet hole? Disgusting, Peter!

Uh, Miss, do we still
got to do it

if we're not going to uni?

Uh, yeah, you do 'cause
I told you to.

And for you, Gwyndalf, maybe
because you're bloody Head Girl?

Shut up.

[BELL RINGING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

So not going to uni, is it?

Yeah, it's just like
"what's the point?"

Why blow a load of cash to be told what to think?

-Oh, is that what it's like?
-Yeah. Bye.

Bugger off.

It's all right, mate.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Oh, it's like a feeding fanny
on my back.

Disgusting.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Oi, shortcut, will you read
my English coursework for me,

see if it's okay?

Seriously, who's first?

-Well, don't bother.
-Relax Liv, of course I will.

-Thank you.
-Shut up.

How mental is it
that school is nearly over?

Can you actually believe?

Going to Ibiza, ain't we boys?

Hey!

When's the last time
you had passports?

-I've been to Iraq, actually.
-[ALL LAUGH]

-Ooh!
-Sorry.

What are you gonna do, Trev?

Durham, hopefully,
to do history

No you're not! You're coming to Ibiza with us.
And you Lezatons.

Um, well we won't actually
be here, will we?

-What?
-Uh, we're going to France.

When?

Summer, I guess.
Soon as we finish.

It's gonna be so amazing.
I can't wait to visit.

Awww. You going to be smoking frog legs
and putting a baguette up your bum bum?

No.
Shut up Priest.

How's Trina's bingo wages
paying for that then?

I'm using my uni funds, so...

Put some decent music on,
this is sh*t.

Sorry, I forgot you're like
so cool now.

Timber!

[BOTH LAUGH]

So why is your name
Tena lady?

Because I piss myself.

God.

You only got to do something
once, and it sticks, innit?

It happened a few times,
actually.

Oh.

[SHRIEKING AND LAUGHING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪♪Born in the fire ♪♪

♪♪ Golden waves up on the shore
Can't calm us ♪♪

♪♪ Burn on the beaches we won ♪♪

♪♪ Breathe in the city ♪♪

♪♪ Said we're moving
Much to quickly for ya ♪♪

♪♪ Fly like an eagle in love ♪♪

♪♪ Can I lock you down ♪♪

♪♪ You're the best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪You're the best I ever had
No doubt ♪♪

♪♪ Up in the sky
I'm screaming ♪♪

♪♪ You're the best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ You're the best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ So go, give
A little bit more ♪♪

♪♪ I've been trying
To cool down ♪♪

♪♪ I keep giving in for ♪♪

♪♪ The best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ Give a little bit more ♪♪

♪♪ I've been trying
To cool down ♪♪

♪♪ I keep giving in for ♪♪

♪♪ The best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ The best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ The best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ Fighting the physical ♪♪

♪♪ Flow like a waterfall down ♪♪

♪♪ The best I ever had ♪♪

♪♪ The best I ever had ♪♪

-Her t*ts are lush that's why I showed ya.
-Lyd! Lyd!
-f*ck you, f*ck you,!

You're a total f*cking mental.

Lyd, just leave him, come on.

Come on, come on.

-Prick!
-Lyds, I'm sorry.

No, no, you aren't fit
for her to wipe her shoes on.

Whatever.

f*cking minge stinks anyway.

No, no, Lyds, come on!

-Just leave him!
-f*cking b*stard!

Yeah, go on, walk away.

-He's a f*cking prick.
-Prick!

He is a prick.

He's disgusting. I hate him.

Finish with him, he's a waster.

Why is she here?

Don't be rude, Lyd.

Beth, I need to talk to you.

Oh, my God!

-I'll go, it's fine.
-I'm so sorry.

No, it's all right. It's fair.

Yeah, bye.

France.

You're both gonna leave me.

As if.

We'll talk every day,
and we'll be back all the time.

No, you aren't.

You don't want to know me.

That's not true.

We love you.

I got to know with Lydia.
She could be so vile,
just awful, but...

she really loves us as well.

Sounds like
an a*usive relationship.

Yeah, it is a bit.

Sorry, I didn't come with you
earlier, it's just that
when she gets like that.

It's fine, I don't care.

Okay.

I've been meaning to ask you
and it's okay if you're
not okay with it, but...

Do you think I could stay here
for a week, please?

How come?

I think I'm gonna
leave this week.

Well, my mother's decided to do
this bloody reiki course
in Yorkshire.

So I need to know.

But she wants me to stay
with my Nan,

and that means I wouldn't
be able to see you so...

Why are you staring at me?

-Why do you do that?
-What?

Why do you change like that?

Like...

Most of the time,
you're this one person,

sometimes, it's just like...

"Okay, who's this now?"

Who am I talking to?

I take that as a no then.

Obviously I want you to stay.

But it's weird.

You're telling your friends
you're coming to Marseille

like you actually want to come.

But then you're hiding me
from your mum.

I'm not hiding you from my mum.

Of course you can meet her.

It's fine.
It's not even a thing.

You're like ashamed
because I'm black.

What?

I'd rather you just said
if that's the case.

My God, no.

No, that's not what... Em...

Look, I know, I feel bad.

I don't need you to feel bad,
but I just need you
to be honest.

Cam, you're the best thing
in my whole life.

Like, I've never met
anyone like you,

and I don't know, I just, um...

I just feel like you've, um,
like you've changed everything.

How you've made everything
so much better.

And yeah, yeah, I do feel bad.

Because if I feel like
I've hurt you in any way

then that's most bad thing
that I could ever do.

And I just...

f*ck, I'm talking
sh*t now. Sorry.

I'm so impressed by you.

Like, the way you think,
the way you speak,

the way you just know yourself

and I... I feel proud.

You want to know me.

Yet alone go with me.

You're like this
shining light to me.

I'm just a raggy little scab.

So believe me.

I never want to hide you.

I'm in love with you.

No.

Well it's true so?

Okay.

I'm gonna go.

I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.

I love you too.

For f*ck's sake,
you had me hanging.

[SNORTS]

-Oh, don't!
-Sorry.

No!

Give me a sec.
You got me spitting here.

You're not a raggy
little scab by the way.

Thank you.

Are you serious about Marseille?

Like, do you actually
actually want to come?

Yeah, I do.

Because I've been talking
to this woman.

She manages - this art shop.

They do like pop up exhibitions
and screenings,
poetry nights, stuff like that.

She said she might be able
to get us jobs.

Just like front of house
or something, but...

You get to watch all the shows.

Or is that crap?

No, that's amazing.

Gonna have to teach me French.



[LAUGHING]

f*ck.

[BIRDS SCREECHING]

WOMAN: Hiya.

Hiya.

What's all this about?

Uh, well, seeing as you're
obsessed with my mum,

I thought you might
want to meet her.

-Yeah?
-Really.

[GROWLS]

Oh, it's a lion!

Come on, Ffion.

Beth, look what Sweeney gave me.

Oh, look, look, we're twins.

Woohoo!

Good timing.

I just dropped
the standing loaf
off with your mother

make sure she gives you some
all right?

-Did you make it?
-Yeah, true, that I did.

- Beth who's this?
-Uh, this is Cam.

She's my girlfriend.

Oh, cracking.

-Nice to meet you, Cam.
-Oh, you too.

Right, come on then
little Miss Tiger.

I'm a lion, Dad.

Oh!

Ta-ta!

Bye!

Who's that?

My dad. My Mum's mate.

Come on, let's get in.

ANNOUNCER: Goodbye, teens.

Nineteen.

Kelly's eye, number one.

He of the door, 21.

What is it, love?

-Dunno-
-Cam

Butter, jam, or both?

Both, please.

Girl after me own heart.

-Thank you.
-I'll take this one.

That's it.

So how long you been here now?

About eight months now.

Do you like it?

Yeah, people are cool.

Yeah.

Beth said you'd been
getting into Reiki?

Oh, yes, Susan who works here. Reiki mad.
Does it all the time.

Completely cleared the sciatica.

Mum, is Nana in today?

Yes, she on break now.

-Mm, this is good.
-Mm.

-You got Jam on your--
-Mum, no!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Never accepts help,
does she?

I don't know. So stupid.
When she was a little girl,

she had to do
everything herself.

I was changing my own nappies
from six months.

Ha, gullible.

Shut up.

Aye, Aye, what's all this?

Seeing new faces without me, is it?

Nan, this is Cam.

What do you think
of this, then, Cam?

These two scoffing jam,
not telling me about it?

I'm working me fingers
to the bone in there.

She's been doing a sudoku.

Aye, well, that's work.

Aye, love, I march.

This one is the apple of my eye.

And you, babe,
look at that lovely little bum.

Come on, give me
a little pinch.

Stop, stop, stop!
Get off!

Is there a toilet somewhere?

Aye, there.

Be right back now.

Well!

She seems nice.

Your friend.

Yeah.

Doesn't she, 'trine?

Doesn't her friend

-seem really lovely?
-Lovely, yeah.

-Did Perry bring this in?
-Mm-hmm.

Ah, he's good, innit he?

I haven't got the puff
to knead dough.

He's better than Gregson.

You better get back
to work soon.

Jeanette will be very happy
if she sees you skiving.

Ah, who cares? Let her moan.

Hello, ladies, gents
and delinquents!

It's sing-song time!

I just want you to clap
for a bit, eh?

And if you know it,
and you're going to know it...

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

-...follow along.
-Go on, Carl!

This one goes out to Blodwin Carmichael

who called out
three weeks in a row.

[HOLLERING]

b*tch.

Nan!

♪♪ I've had nothing
But bad luck ♪♪

♪♪ Since the day I saw
The cat at my door ♪♪

♪♪ So I came here to you
Sweet lady ♪♪

♪♪ Answering
Your mystical call ♪♪

♪♪ Crystal ball on the table ♪♪

♪♪ Showing the future
The past ♪♪

♪♪ Same cat with them
evil eyes ♪♪

♪♪ And I knew it was
A spell she'd cast ♪♪

♪♪ She's just a devil woman ♪♪

♪♪ With evil on her mind ♪♪

♪♪ Beware the devil woman ♪♪

♪♪ She's gonna get you ♪♪

[HOLLERING]

Right. Thanks a lot.

That's it. I love it.

So great.

Dinner and a show. There you go.

Amazing.

I'm quite frankly ashamed.

CAM: I love it.

[CROW CAWING]

These are pretty?

It's a matching set.

-Oh, really?
-Yeah, my mum got me them.

-Keep them safe.
-Uh-huh.

You can have it.

Thank you.

Where's Dad?

Where do you think? Pub.

Standard.

Oh, yeah, Mum,
I was gonna say,
be careful of Nana.

Perry bring you food and stuff?

I am careful.

Anyway, Nana loves me.

So she won't say anything.

You ever stop worrying?

No.

Right, that's it.
I'm gonna drop these off

and then I've got all me bits.

Do you smell that?

I bet next door are having a fire again.

I bet.

Dickhead's home.

-What's he doing?
-I have no idea.

Didn't know you were back.

Aye.

What are you doing?

Thought I'd have a bonfire.

Get rid of some junk.

Oh, good.

What?

I'm burning
some evidence, as well.

What are you on about?

I just k*lled your boyfriend
and his kid, see.

Molotov c*ck.

Heard of that?

You see 'em on the news and that.

All you've got to do is
get the right mix

and you've got to chuck it
at just the right time.

And if you do that,
you know what happens?

f*cking carnage.

You're lying.
He's lying, Mum, don't worry.

Am I?

Stop.

Sixty-two...

I followed you there,
you backstabbing little b*tch.

Don't.

What's the matter, 'Trine?

Cat got your tongue?

Run.

[KATRINA SOBBING]

[INCOHERENT SCREAMING]

What have I told you, huh?

What have I always told you?

There'd be consequences.

Fancy? f*cking wh*re.

Get off of her,
or I swear to God...

I dare you.

[KATRINA SOBBING]

You know, if I call
the police, right,

you're f*cked.

[SOBBING]

I'll do it.
I'm not scared!

Little b*tches
trying to f*ck me!

[INCOHERENT SCREAMING]

-Mum!
-Get out!

Mum!

[KATRINA SOBBING]

[RATTLING DOOR]

Okay.

[PANTING]

Nan?

Yeah, Nan. He's gone mental.

I don't know what to do.

Okay, I need you to come
please, I'm scared.

[WHIMPERING]

-What's happening?
-[PANTING] ...Everything's fine, okay?

[SOBBING] Okay?

♪♪ Am I vital ♪♪

♪♪ If my heart is idle? ♪♪

♪♪ Am I doomed? ♪♪

♪♪ I feel you ♪♪

♪♪ But nobody else ♪♪

♪♪ Though you're someone
I can't see ♪♪

♪♪ Yet you say nothing ♪♪

♪♪ Of the stoic suffering ♪♪

♪♪ That stirs lukewarm in me ♪♪

♪♪ If lovelessness
Is godlessness ♪♪

♪♪ Will you cast me
To the wayside? ♪♪

[PANTING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING
OVER RADIO]

[SIREN WAILING]

Sorry, you're gonna
have to keep moving, please.

I know, i know them.

-So you're gonna have to
keep moving along.
-No, no, listen.

I know, I know Perry and Ffion.
Can you just tell me
what happened?

Can you let her through, please?

Thank you.

Where's Ffion? Is she okay?

What happened?

We had the paddling pulled up.

She wanted the pool,
so I put the pool up.

But are you okay?

She was playing in the pool.
She's didn't have her
sun cream on her.

Yeah, but what,
what happened there?

Who would do this to us?

Tell your mum.

She had clothes here,
they'd be ruined.

Oh, my God,
don't worry about that.

Ffi?

It's me.

You okay?

Sorry, we're gonna have to
move you along now.

Tell your mum, okay?

I will.

I'll call you.

Bye.

I know who did this.

[SIRENS APPROACHING]

Nan? Nan, where are they?
Have you seen them?

No, they won't open the door.

Back up, you shouldn't be here.

-You're a witness, it's not safe.
-I know, but my mum,
she's in there. She's in there with him.

I know, just leave it
to us, yeah?

Yeah, okay. All right.
They know what they're doing.

I got you now. You're all right.

Police! Open up!

All right.

Beth, what's happened?

Dilwyn Gwyndaf,
I'm arresting you
on suspicion of arson

with the intent
to endanger life.

You don't have to say anything,

-but it may harm your defence...
-Jesus Christ.

If you do not mention
when questioned

something which you later
rely on in court.

-Can I put a top on first?
-I'm afraid not.

Come on.

DILWYN: So listen.

[BOTH SOBBING]

DILWYN: What's going on?

[BOTH SOBBING]

Okay. They're alive, okay?
They're safe.

-You okay?
-I'm okay.

I'm sorry, Beth.

[KATRINA SOBBING]