02x06 - AITA

[bunniefuu]

BOWIE: What else did you do

to ruin our parents
while I was away?

Pretty sure that
you'd already done that.

They were solid when I left.

Delusional.

I'm not the one who hallucinated
all the way to hospital, Oly.

OLY: Maybe getting busted
for drugs and forcing Mum

to bribe a foreign police
officer via WhatsApp

did something to stress her out.

BOWIE: It wasn't a bribe,
it was a processing fee.

OK, then losing your Bit coin
password and probably $40,000.

How was I supposed to know
that Dad hadn't kept a copy?

Or nearly getting caught
in a sham marriage.

It was a miscommunication,
not a sham!

And it's interesting

the way that you talk
about relationships

because you and Santi have

a majorly out-of-balance
vibe going on.

You know what?

Maybe our parents
finally snapped

when they realised
they raised a son

that thought that
living out of a swag

and actively seeking out malaria

was the same thing as
being an adult.

Hey, Ol?

Have you seen any babies lately?

(SIGHS) J!

- Hey!
- (GURGLES)

- Oh, my God. J!
- (BOWIE LAUGHS)

J!

- (BOWIE HOOTS WITH LAUGHTER)
- Shut up!

Oh, Oly feeds her baby dog sh*t!

- (CACKLES)
- Shut up!

J, I love you!

(CONTINUES CACKLING)

SONG: ♪ Hollywood

♪ Came out to what? Yeah

♪ Came out to Hollywood

♪ Hey, yo, yeah

♪ Came out to Hollywood

♪ Got me a bad one

♪ No, she a freak too

♪ Well, you should have one

♪ You got the curves, girl

♪ Ooh, that's a fat one

♪ I ain't gonna lie, though

♪ I ain't goin' back, son, no

♪ They don't know where I stay,
where I go

♪ Yeah, I'm out on a roll
Get some commas, play a show

♪ No, I'm blessed, I ain't broke
Get to work, then I blow

♪ I just stay in my zone
You ain't woke, oh, no, no... ♪

Come on, J.

Good girl. Good girl. Grab it.

Look at the big watermelon.
Do-do-do-do!

No, no, no. Oh!

This... this seems cruel.

Making her do it herself.

Is it cruel to encourage a sense
of autonomy over her own body?

Come on, J. Come on, pick it up.

Plus she'll need to know
how to fend for herself

if she has the seven siblings
that you'd like to give her.

Um, do you guys want
any more fruit?

Or I've got some
organic yoghurt.

Mum, she can't use a spoon.

No spoons allowed!

Oh, OK. I'm here all week.

- (BOYS CHATTER IN NEXT ROOM)
- You should try the veal.

I better get the boys home.

Chicos! Vamos!

(BOYS CONTINUE CHATTERING)

Is everything OK?

Mum, no!

It's baby-led weaning.

She has to do it herself.

- Mm-hm. OK.
- SANTI: Vamos!

SANTI: Say goodbye
to Ms Davis, boys.

- Bye!
- Bye!

- See ya. Bye.
- Bye, Angie.

(BABY GURGLES)

(OLY WHISPERS) Mum! Mum! Mum.

(LAUGHS)

OLY: Good!

"..Fleshy, skinful,
passionate fruits"

"mangoes are hungry
to be sucked..."

(STUDENTS TITTER)

"..Mangoes like
slush & kissing..."

Hear it!

"Fibrous intestinal love bites."

- (STUDENTS TITTER)
- What does it mean?

(PEN SQUEAKS)

It means you're a sl*t, miss.

(UNSETTLING MUSIC)

"Mangoes are violently soft."

"Sensual."

- sl*t.
- "Sucking."

- sl*t.
- "Skinful."

- sl*t.
- "Stuck."

Ms Davis, does the baby know
you're a sl*t?

sl*t!

(KNOCK ON WINDOW)

(GROANS)

OLY: Hello.

(ANGIE GROANS)

You know you can't hide
from the staff room forever.

I'm not. Why would you say that?

Are you still OK to take J

or are you in the middle
of an episode right now?

No, I'm happy to take her,
I'm just a bit tired

after the 2am feed.

You're welcome.

Hey, French is looking like my
best subject, so I was thinking

that's kinda perfect for
leading into an exchange.

Don't you think?

I didn't know
that was an option.

You're not the one
at risk of having

nothing but 'changing nappies'
on your résumé, Mum.

Yep, it's good to have a plan.

Yep.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Just tired.

You know, Ol, if there's
something up, it's OK to say so.

You don't have to avoid it.

You should start
an advice podcast.

I'm serious.

- Mum.
- Yeah?

You're hiding in a car park!

VINCE: Uce, your art
is getting some bids.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Careful, you might turn little
JJ into a trust fund baby.

- That's the plan, G!
- Yeah, dog.

That's the plan. (KICKS BALL)

Oh.

- Nah, G.
- What?

Nah.

I might have some troubling
information for you, sir.

- What do you mean?
- Have a look.

And?

Ms Tan.

That could be Mr Hanover.

- No way!
- Yeah.

Oh! Bro, that's fully him, hey?

You're selling
your little drawings

on the same site as your
teacher's porno portraits.

- Oh!
- It's quite sick.

- SANTI: That's gross!
- (OLY GROANS)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

Oly! Oly!

Are you two still...

Oh, yeah, nah, all good.
No worries.

(MUTTERS) Oh, my God.

(SIGHS) Oh, sh*t.

Oh!

SANTI: Oly?

You in here?

(OLY WHISPERS) What?

- (WHISPERS) What is going on?
- Are you OK?

(WHISPERS)
This cannot be normal.

SANTI: Would you like me
to get you some water?

No, I don't need water. I need
a f*cking blood transfusion!

Why are you yelling at me?
I'm just trying to help.

Oh, yeah? How was YOUR first
period after giving birth?

SANTI: Oh.

Yeah, "Oh." Thanks.

- It's not my fault, Oly.
- It literally is your fault!

Would you like me to...
Google something?

No! Can you just wait outside?!

Yep, I can do that.

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

Babes, what's going on?

(PANTS AND GROANS)

(MUTTERS) Oh, sh*t.

Pink with white dots.

Pink... with white dots.

Pink with white dots!

Nothin' but net.

- Hey!
- Oh, hey!

I thought I was seeing you
tomorrow.

I'm ahead of schedule.

I went to the apartment
but you weren't there.

Ah. We've had a menstrual
incident at school.

BIRDIE: Oh!

- Poor thing.
- Yeah.

Must be permanently traumatised
by those toilets.

- Yeah.
- I thought she might like this.

Oh!

Fantastic book.

- I better, uh, get it to her.
- Yeah.

You never told me
when was a good time

to have a chat with her.

Oh, didn't I reply?

I don't think so.

I can come back later
or we can do dinner?

Let's just park that idea
for a while.

Give her some space.

Am I still in the bad books?

No, no, no, no, no.
Not at all. No.

Did you explain to them that

the mushrooms are
for my mental health?

Oh, well, I didn't want to gossip
about your private stuff.

(SIGHS) I'd rather they know
than...

...think that I'm
just irresponsibly

leaving my sh*t around,
endangering your family.

Oh, they don't think that.

Do you?

No.

No, uh, no...

What do you mean?

Nothing. Uh...

I'm being stupid. It's fine.

- (LAUGHS) Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Hey, um, you don't wanna come?

We could head to the boat
straight after.

Let's see where you're at later,
yeah?

- All right.
- No, go.

Save the day.

OK, well, thanks for the book.

I'll... I'll call you later.

SONG: ♪ I was in my worst place
and you saved me

♪ I've been catchin' vibes
easier

♪ I been smokin'
Go and breathe it in

♪ I was trippin'
Never leavin' you

♪ You the one, you the one

♪ Never leavin' you
You the one

♪ Sometimes you grow
when you just have space

♪ Sometimes you think
the things you don't say

♪ And sometimes your pride
can get in your way

♪ You know, you know, you know

♪ I showed you love
and never halfway

♪ Let's compromise,
I'll meet you halfway

♪ This love is a road
that don't go one way... ♪

(PHONE CHIMES)

- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- Yeah?

How are you feeling?

OLY: Gift that keeps on giving.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Oh, God!

You poor thing.

My first period after you,

I thought I was gonna bleed
to death in a cinema.

(LAUGHS)

I was stuck in a public toilet
and these...

...ugh, giant clots...

Ohh!

...just kept coming and...ugh!

Mum!

Sorry, it's a bit soon,
is it? Sorry. (CHUCKLES)

Is everything else OK?

(PHONE CHIMES)

Hmm?

Um...

I think I'm gonna go to bed.

OK.

Goodnight.

(THOUGHTFUL MUSIC)

(DOGS BARK)

(DOM HUMS)

Come on!

GIRL: Here, boy! Here!

(PLAYS GENTLE MELODY)

(SIGHS)

(MUTTERS) God almighty.

BOWIE: Hey, true or false -

Oly is more chaotic than me.

(MUTTERS) More chaotic...

Uh, that's a lose-lose question
for me, Boz.

BOWIE: I know what people
think of me,

but, you know, she ate drugs
that didn't belong to her

and you blamed Birdie.

I didn't blame Birdie.

Well, she was still being nice
to you then, but now?

How many texts
have you sent her?

I... None, all right?

And that's... what hurts, OK?

Three.

Mmm.

Five or sixish.

But... no more than seven.

(SIGHS) OK, there was
eight texts,

no reply, two whole days

plus three voice mails.

And you haven't been to see her?

Uh... she's probably
busy at work, mate.

And I think she appreciates
that I don't crowd her.

I've already looked in that box!

We've already looked
in all of these!

Well, it would have been nice

if you'd remembered
if you'd kept it.

You know, not everyone keeps

every birthday card they're
given - we're not all Oly.

Oh, don't they? Don't they?

But a birthday card

with a password to
an appreciating Bit coin, mate,

would have been a nice one
to have kept from me to you!

- Hey... hey, Dad?
- What?!

Dad, when Birdie was nice
to you, what did you do?

What do you mean, what did I do,
Boz? I didn't do anything.

Was I supposed to do something,

swami of love and...

(LAUGHS)

You found it?

- Congratulations.
- Hey!

You've been ghosted.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

I didn't know if you were
gonna actually...

Oh, I keep my commitments.

OK. That's good.

Um, do you want some cake?

- Green tea, please.
- Yep.

Oh, that's what
I was gonna have.

Uh, I'll have a soy ch...

No, no, I will have a green tea.

- Two green teas?
- Yep.

I'm not copying her. (LAUGHS)

- WAITRESS: OK.
- (ANGIE CHUCKLES)

Oh, thank you.

Ooh.

That's nice.

- I made it.
- Oh, really?

Gosh! (LAUGHS)

How do you find time to do that?

Well, I don't waste time having
sex with my husband anymore.

Is that why you left Dom?

Uh, that's not...
No, that's not why, um...

No, I think 20 years is
not as simple as that.

Yeah, you learn the places
that you can't go

and then suddenly there's just
too many places you can't go.

Oh. Interesting theory.

Yeah.

We all have our blind spots,
don't we?

I think some people are
more blind than other people.

Oh, yeah, OK, so you're
talking about me.

Uh, yeah.

You're probably right.

- I do have...
- You were blind with Matias.

No, that's not
what I was gonna say.

I was talking about me.

I think I had a blind spot
around, um...

What did he promise you?

He didn't promise me anything.

Well, lucky you.

Lucky? You're kidding!

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Thank you.

Do you regret being single now?

No. Nuh, I haven't really
thought about it.

(LAUGHS) You haven't thought
about how you're single now?

(LAUGHS) I just thought
you said I was lucky.

Well, you didn't get cheated on.

Your husband made it...

...very clear that
he was available.

Well, he's not available.

He chose me.

Well, he didn't choose you
at one point

and that's why we're here.

Or did you choose him?

Oh, because you're a little bit
like a Latino groupie.

A Latino groupie?

(SCOFFS)

Wow, that's a... pretty rude
thing to say.

Well, sleeping with someone's
husband is also very rude.

I came here to apologise.

Is this what this is?!

Yes! I'm sorry.

Christ, it's not something
that I feel...

You know you're supposed to
mean it when you apologise.

OK, if you can just
give me a second.

Yes, I'm not sure
what he was giving me.

I was separated and he was
acting like he was separated.

And he was pretty convincing.

Yeah, it was probably
just a fantasy,

but he really knows
how to turn it on, doesn't he?

When he wants to.

You think you know him
better than me?

I met Matias when he had just
lost his wife.

I didn't even know...

I didn't know he had a son
until we... (SIGHS)

You don't think I know

that he can pretend to be
someone he's not?

No. Don't. Don't.

He broke the promise
he made to me in front of God.

He just didn't f*ck you again.

- Wow.
- Yes, wow.

This is feeling really immature.

Oh, what you want me to say,
that you f*cked my husband?

OK, I'm gonna go, 'cause
this is getting ridiculous.

No.

You can get this.

(POURS TEA)

(SIRENS WAIL IN DISTANCE)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWK)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWK FRANTICALLY)

You know that active father
involvement actually correlates

with better developmental
outcomes

including getting A's at school?

So J would actually be
better off with Santi

and I could focus on
studying and work.

(BABY GURGLES)

That sounds like you and Santi
leading separate lives.

And statistically,

she would be less likely
to have a teen birth.

So no FOMO for you, hey, J?

I can mind her if you guys
wanna go out tonight.

Uh, no, that's OK.

Oly, you guys should go out!
Just you and Santi.

Why?

You can't just
stop talking to him.

Whatever you need to say,
you need to say it

and trust that he will hear you.

Away from J and
away from everything.

You're doing really well, Oly.

I could only dream of handling
things the way you have, but...

...you have to keep
communicating.

You have to keep being open.

Why do you care?

(LAUGHS SADLY) I don't want you
to end up like me.

DOM: Surely this is stalking.

Well, it's not normal, but I
promise it's for your own good.

Did it ever occur to you
that she just...

...lost the phone?

It fell into a toilet or...

Well, I don't know!

Maybe it was crushed
by a bulldozer in the Pilbara.

Whatever the reason, it's clear

that she no longer has access
to said device.

(PHONE RINGS)

BOWIE: Or maybe

she felt her spirit
wasn't being reciprocated.

And she knew in her gut,
in her energetic waters,

that you weren't for her.

It's kinda sad.

(CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC)

Well, you get it, don't you?

Turts?

Not always someone's fault,
is it?

No need for people
to take sides.

TURTLE: Birdie!

Yeah, thanks a lot, mate.

(SIGHS)

(TURTLE SQUEAKS)

- Hey!
- (BABY GURGLES)

Look at this.

(IMITATES ENGINE)
Want some of this?

SANTI: So, what do you wanna do?

OLY: I don't know,
what do you wanna do?

SANTI: I don't know.

What do you wanna do?

OLY: I don't know.

I've never really been
on a first date before.

What do you do?

SANTI: What about Lachie?

OLY: We never really
went on dates.

We just... took breaks
from studying.

(SANTI SNORTS)

- What?
- Nothing.

Maybe you just never
went on dates with Lachie

because Lachie never made
200 bucks from his drawings!

Did you?!

Are you making money
off your emotions?

Yeah, well, you know,

Vince and I did say we'd
become Renaissance men, so...

OLY: That is some
highly evolved sh*t.

SANTI: Now
that highly evolved sh*t

is in my bank account.

So, um... dinner is on me.

Ooh! Can you get that one?

- Which one? That one?
- That one. That one, yeah.

Yeah.

Good pick.

Chicken katsu and avocado.

How old do you reckon
until J can eat sushi?

I don't know.

Can we talk about how gross
her poos are right now?

Can we NOT talk about that?

She's...

Do you have a delicate stomach?

(LAUGHS) No, it's just,
you know,

I'm trying to eat 200 bucks
worth of sushi right now.

But yeah.

Her poos are really
f*cking rank right now.

She's like an abominable
pooing machine.

Each new food brings out
a chronic new poo.

Eww!

Sorry, I changed my mind.
Can we not talk about it?

You're the one that wants
a house full of

abominable pooing machines.

Right.

I don't know what I'm supposed
to say about it.

What are you doing? Oly, stop!

It's fine. Just say
what you need to say.

I'm gonna do it with you, then.

- Oly, I love you and I love J.
- (COUGHS)

I don't know what's so wrong
with wanting more of that.

Nothing, but it's
very unrealistic

to expect that of me
right this minute.

My frontal lobe hasn't even
fully developed yet.

(COUGHS) Frontal lobe?

(OLY COUGHS)

I tell you that I love you

and you talk about
your frontal lobe?

That's what's making you
say all of this.

Your brain doesn't know
what it's saying

because being a teenager
is basically

the same thing
as having brain damage.

SANTI: Wow, OK.

That's why teenage relationships
are less likely to last

and why you think it's a good
idea to have a thousand babies.

- I meant three.
- That might as well be a thousand.

What is so wrong with wanting J
to have siblings, Oly?

Nothing, but I'm not promising
on our first date

to rip apart my body
all over again!

Aren't J and I enough?

Oly, of course...

- Oly...
- I don't know if I can do it.

- What do you mean?
- I think I've eaten too much.

Oly...

Hey!

Hey, Oly!

You just missed me
tap my debit card.

Just then, that was
a big moment.

Hey.

You have no idea what it was
like in that ambulance.

This... this thing
just suddenly came out of me!

And there was so much blood!

And I... I had no idea
what was happening!

I really did think
that I was gonna die.

Hey, Oly, I'm sorry.

Oly.

Hey.

I don't think we've ever
talked about it.

(SIGHS) I don't really wanna
talk about it.

Can you look at me?

I'm... I'm still the same person
that I was before we had J.

- I know.
- I'm not some robo-oven.

I still wanna do the same things
that I wanted to do before.

Do you wanna do them with me?

Yeah.

Why?

I don't know, it's just
sometimes it doesn't really...

...feel that way.

I thought that we would be
going wherever

and doing whatever together.

That's why you put
your drawings up, I thought.

I put the drawings up
to make us some money.

And you can draw anywhere?

Well...

...why are we arguing about
things that are so far away?

I don't know. It's... Come here.

How did our first date
end up like one of those sad,

millions-of-years-of-marriage
date nights

where people find out
they have nothing in common

and get divorced?

Well, you didn't watch me tap.

- So...
- (LAUGHS)

I promise that when my frontal
lobe is fully developed,

I will commit to our future,
whatever it is.

And then it will really
mean something.

So...

...do I have to wait till then

to find out if you'll go
on a second date with me

or is that too big of a step?

Technically, my mum
set us up on this date,

so it's actually
quite a huge step.

Harsh.

But fair.

('HAPPENSTANCE' BY GRETTA RAY)

SONG: ♪ We built this thing
from the ground up, babe

♪ Doesn't that make you proud?

♪ We stand back and stare with
dropped jaws at all we have made

♪ Started out on a Tuesday,
Wednesday

♪ Leaning against my car

♪ Radio on, passenger door ajar

♪ I tried to gather whether
somebody else had your heart

♪ Would I dare to take
a stab in the dark?

♪ Little did I know, though,
know, though

♪ What had begun occurring
under my nose

♪ Little did I know that I'd be

♪ Sleeping
under

♪ Your
covers

♪ Through the whole year, honey

♪ Actor
and an actress

♪ I was playing a role

♪ So real

♪ Caught you
off guard

♪ Contemplate

♪ How to feel

♪ I'm thinking we put it down
to time and place and event

♪ Name our behaviour
as irrelevant

♪ But a day well spent

♪ Was paving the path
that was lying ahead

♪ And two tongues so tied

♪ They loosened to learn
one another with time... ♪