11x18 & 11x19 & 11x20 - Ear/Dearly Departed

[bunniefuu]

♪ MTV ♪

You two are idiots, so I'm
gonna do the whole group

science project by myself.

You just stand there
and do nothing.

Uh, OK.

Yeah, nothing is cool.
Yeah.

I'm demonstrating the effect
of rocket payload

on the trajectory of the--

The rocket is my wiener.

Never mind.

I'm gonna put the model rocket
engine in.

And then I attach these wires,

and then I press the button
to launch.

Yeah, and then there's fire.

Yeah.

Wait.

I have to go inside to get
my scientific calculator.

Don't touch anything,

especially the rocket engine.

It could explode
and blow your fingers off.

Let's launch my butt.

Yeah.

We're gonna science.

Here we go.

Just tape that on there.

I'll just attach the wires
and press the button.

Oh, yeah.

My butt's going to space.

It didn't launch, Butt-Head.

Maybe we need to tape it
to my schlong.

Oh, yeah.

That's a good idea.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's gonna be cool.

Damn it.

This sucks.

I think this thing is broken
or something.

Doesn't sound like it's broken.

I wonder why it didn't
blow off my schl--

Whoa!

Did you hear that?

Something sounded cool.

Uh, Beavis,

your ear blew off.

What?

I said, your ear blew off.

What?

I said, your ear blew off.

Sorry, Butt-Head,
I can't hear you.

My ear blew off.

Science is cool.

What's that?

"Meet the man
behind the dolls."

And that's--that's kind of me.

But Barbie somehow
has stayed relevant.

So are all the Barbies
named Barbie?

'Cause they're like--they're
all different people and stuff.

I don't understand.

Uh,

yeah, there's, like,
lawyer Barbie

and Wet n Wild Barbie

and President Barbie.

Yeah, but, um--
but they're all named Barbie?

Uh, yeah.

They should make
a "Your Mom" Barbie,

and she just lays around
on the couch all day

with a line of Kens
outside her Dreamhouse.

Shut up, Butt-Head. Come on.

Yeah, that'd be cool, though.

There'd be a lot of people
in her box,

if you know what I mean.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

I think that collecting,
right, it's not about amassing.

Your mom is a collector.

She collects wieners.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

And the "Your Mom" Barbies
are not in mint condition.

Come on. That's enough.

It can be found used

at every Saturday morning
yard sale.

Laying around, hungover,

no idea where they are.

Enough, Butt-Head.
Come on.

You know what I always
wondered, Butt-Head?

Does the Wicked Witch of
the West have green boobs?

Don't change the subject,
Beavis.

All the Kens would be like,
"Hello, Beavis.

I'm Ken, your new stepdad."

You could have dozens
of different men

to abandon you.

The Beavis's mom
Barbie Dreamhouse

is just like a mattress
and a bottle of tequila.

Damn it, Butt-Head.

I'm gonna kick your a*s.

With Beavis's Mom Barbie,
all sales are final.

Damn it, Butt-Head.

You know, 'cause dudes
would just wanna, like,

use her and return her.

Damn it, Butt-Head!

I'm gonna kick your a*s!

Uh, just one more.

Shut up, Butt-Head!

Damn it, Beavis!

The Beavis's Mom Barbie--

Is only $30...

For a half hour.

I'm gonna k*ll you,
Butt-Head!

Uh, where'd your ear go, dumbass?

Never mind that, Butt-Head!

Where did my ear go?

It's gotta be somewhere.

Whoa, here it is.

I found it.

Whoa!

That expl*si*n
really messed it up.

Yeah.

Your ear is disgusting now.

You know, um, I see a lot of
ears like this in the woods.

That's 'cause there's a lot
of dumbasses in the woods

blowing their ears off.

Hey, you said "blowing off."

Go ahead, and--

There you go, Beavis.

Good as new.

You know, I think I can
actually hear better now!

- OK.
- What?

Talk into my good ear!

Damn it! That sucks!

Uh, hmm.

That must not be
your ear after all.

Let's keep looking.

Ah, there it is.

Finally!

Whoa.

It's all, like, burnt up.

Cool, yeah.

Hold still.

There you go.

All better.

You guys better not
have touched anything.

Nope. Everything's fine.

Nobody blew my ear off
and put it back on.

What the hell?

What happened to your ear?

Just a normal ear.

I use it to listen to music,
you know, stuff like that.

Uh, Beavis,

I think your ear is, like,
a bug or something.

What?

Whoa!

My ear is hauling a*s.

We have to find Beavis's ear

and get you out of here before
my parents come outside

and freak out.
- OK.

You ought to be able
to find it, Beavis,

'cause, like,
your other senses are enhanced.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.

I should try
to spank my monkey.

Don't spank your monkey
in my backyard.

I just blew my ear off,
dumbass!

What else am I supposed to do?

There it is.

Uh--

oh, yeah.

I'll just go ahead
and glue this back on.

Guys, I don't think you
can just epoxy it back on.

It needs to be
surgically reattached--

All done!

Yeah.

You glued it
in the wrong place.

No, I didn't.

Uh--oh, yeah.

So I did.

It's stuck on there
pretty good.

Oh, well.

You have to go
to the hospital.

Go. Hurry.

Yeah, yeah.

This sucks.

I got an ear on my forehead,

and I gotta walk
to the dumbass hospital.

Wait a second, Beavis.

I got a better idea.

Let's blow your ear back off
with a rocket engine.

Then we can glue it back on the
side of your head or something.

Whoa, good idea, Butt-Head!

What did you do?

Don't worry, Cody.

We blew the ear off again,

and now we can glue it back on
in the right place.

And also,
we blew the ear off again,

and now we can glue it back on
in the right place.

See?

You blew off the wrong ear.

Uh--oh, yeah.

It's on the roof.

Uh, that sucks.

We should throw something at it
to knock it down.

We could blow my ear off
and throw that.

Oh, good idea.

I'm gonna get a rocket engine.

No, you can't blow your ears
off in my backyard anymore.

What? That sucks.

You're a selfish butthole,
is what you are.

Get out of here.

Yeah, let's just go home,
Butt-Head.

We learned a lesson
here today, Beavis.

Cody sucks.

Yeah, and also, you know,
we learned a lesson--

that Cody sucks.

Shut up, dumbass.

What?

I said, shut up, dumbass.

- What?
- I said, shut up, dumbass.

- What?
- I said, shut up, dumbass!

What?

- I said, shut up, dumbass!
- What?

Hello.

I'm David van Driessen,

educator and also
amateur folk singer.

I'm up here
on top of a mountain,

as you can see.

And there's something about
that wonderful view

that inspired me
to write this song of nature.

OK.

♪ Mountains,
they soar above--♪

OK, let me just--

Let me just tune this up here.

This one is in open E,
so it's very--

This will just take a second.

I'm sorry.
Let me just--

♪ Moun--♪

♪ Mountains ♪

♪ Mountains, mountains ♪

Oh, I see, I need to
get it higher, just to--

almost there.

Mm.

♪ Mountains--♪

There, just a little.

♪ Mountains,
they soar above--♪

Ah!

Hello?

I was tuning
to the wrong octave,

and I snapped a string, which--

oh, no.

Oops.

Yeah, it's still good.

Damn it! Hey!

Hey, come back here,
you mouse butthole!

I can see you!

I'm gonna kick your--

your mouse a*s!

I'm stuck!

Help!

Somebody!

I'm stuck!

Ah!

This sucks.

Oh, boy.

Fire.

Hey, Beavis, where are you?

You missed work,
butthole, and school.

I haven't seen you in two days.

Uh,

wait a minute.

Maybe he's dead.

No.

Uh, what's that noise?

Oh, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head.

Whoa, Beavis?

Are you, like,
a ghost or something?

Butt-Head!

Help me.

Uh, are you, like, dead,

and you're haunting our house
or something?

Butt-Head,
I don't think I'm dead.

Damn it, Beavis,
you sound like a ghost,

and I can't see you,
so you're dead.

Butt-Head,

I'm pretty sure I'm, like,

still alive or something.

Uh, then where are you?

I'm, like, in this,
like, dark place.

And, um--and I can see a light

at the end of a tunnel.

That's exactly what
dead people say, dumbass.

It's in, like, the movies
or the Bible or something.

It is?

Yep.

You're dead, a*s wipe.

Oh, well, that sucks.

Guess I'm dead.

What do you know?

Uh, hey,

this couch
is in the wrong place.

Whoa!

Beavis, that sounded cool,
like a real ghost.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks.

You're a lot cooler now,
Beavis.

I'm glad you're dead.

Well, that's very nice
of you to say.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you very much.

The presidential fold--

this is the most formal
of the pocket square folds.

It's the perfect choice
for a job interview,

black tie event, or any
occasion that requires a suit.

What's a suit?

Is that that thing
they give you

when you have to appear
in juvenile court?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Your Honor,
you see a shoplifter,

but I see a young boy
who was failed

by the systems and
the societal rules

of blah, blah, blah, blah.

Your Honor, my client
deserves leniency because

of his mental
health issues

and blah, blah, blah, blah.

You said, "you're on her."

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, nice catch, Butt-Head.

And then when it was done,
the judge said,

"Beavis, I'm gonna give you
a second chance

to be a productive member
of society.

I was like, "Oh, God, how many
chances do I have to get?

I already failed."

Let it go. Come on!

How come you guys have a
problem with this and I don't?

Yeah.

And then the judge,
like, bangs the gravel.

You're on fire today.

They should have
a juvenile court,

but like, for older people.

Yeah, well,
they probably will,

just as soon as we turn 18.

They're gonna be like, "Oh, we
just invented grown-up court."

Yeah.

Now you get more chances.

Breaking the cycle sucks.

You know, people always say
bad things about the cycle.

But don't knock it
until you try it.

That's what I think.

Now, for the best look,
I recommend

having about 2 to 2.5 inches
of this fold

peeking out of your jacket.



Good hustle, Butt-Head.
Yeah.

Guys, you are gonna
get compliments all night.

Hey, baby.

You heard about the dead kid?

I used to sit next to him.

Yeah, it's been
pretty hard on me.

"Hard on."

Hey, Butt-Head.

How's it going?

Ah!

Quit trying to haunt me,
Beavis, you dead butthole.

Yeah, sorry.

Turned out I could get out
of that dark place

by going backwards.

Yeah.

So what's it like
being a ghost?

It's pretty cool, yeah.

Watch me walk through the wall.

Check it out.

Ah! Damn it.

Damn it.

I think the wall's broken.
Yeah.

Yeah.

This house sucks.

Not my problem anymore.

Being alive sucked.

I never got to do
anything cool.

Yeah, you never scored,

and now you never will.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

I can still score
with dead chicks, you know.

Like with
my ghost schlong or something.

Uh--oh, yeah.

I bet there's a lot
of dead chicks

at the graveyard.

Yeah, yeah!

And maybe some 40s that
people didn't finish drinking.

Yeah.
Now we're talking, yeah.

Hello, ladies.

Boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oi-ng.

Um, hey.

Hey, how's it going? Yeah.

I'm new here
'cause I just died.

Maybe you could, like, show me
around or something, yeah.

How's it going?

Whoa, Beavis, check it out.

That must be your funeral.

Whoa!

There might be some chicks
who need a shoulder to cry on.

Or maybe a schlong.

Whoa.

Everyone at my funeral looks
really sad that I'm dead.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Um,

I don't recognize any of
these people, Butt-Head.

They probably all
used to bang your mom.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.

Uh, where is your mom?

Isn't she supposed to be here?

Eh, she's probably busy
or something, you know.

She doesn't come to a lot
of my stuff, you know.

It's cool, yeah.

I can't believe he's gone.

Yeah, me neither.

I mean, it's kind of crazy,
you know.

He was loved
by a lot of people.

Uh, not that many.

I mean, I never scored.

He had a great life.

Yeah, thank you.

Thank you, drive through.

Hey, Beavis.

That chick in the black dress
is giving out hugs.

And if I hang around her long
enough, I'm gonna get some.

Wait a second, Butt-Head.

If this is my funeral,
then who's in that coffin?

Uh--you dumbass,

you're supposed to be in there.

What?

If they open it up
and you're not in there,

these people are
gonna kick your a*s.

Uh-oh.

OK, OK.

OK, here--here I go, yeah.

If we could all gather for
the presentation of the flag.

Hurry up.

Get this.

Um, there's already a guy
in here, Butt-Head.

Come on.

Come on, get out of there.

This is my funeral.

Come on.

There we go.

Scoot over, dumbass.

If any ghost chicks come
around, they're here for me.

Yeah.

Um, what's happening?

Hello?

Must be on my way
to the ghost chicks.

Oh, well.

See you at home, Beavis.

Chirp.