01x07 - Time Disruptors

[bunniefuu]

[crows cawing]

[splatters]

- And finally,

the science department

is looking for any pets

you no longer need.

The type of pet doesn't matter

as long as it can run.

- Thank you

for those inspirational words,

Mr. Galvin.

- Crawling is fine too.

Just as long

as their breathing--ah!

- And moving on

to more enjoyable news,

it's my pleasure to announce

that in celebration

of another year

without losing a single student

to homeschooling,

this fall's costume ball

theme is

"The Legend of the Homeschool

Corn Girl."

[students muttering]

- Wow.

- Now, for those

unfamiliar with the legend,

Dee Dee Hollowway will dance

out the same exact words

I'll be saying with my mouth

as I tell the tale.

Long ago, a group of circus

folk came to Rackleff.

Their star attraction

was a little girl

said to have the voice

of an angel from the heavens.

- [voice cracks] Oh

- Now, because these circus

folk were always on the road,

the girl had

to be homeschooled

on the family bus.

One evening, the circus family

decided to park their bus

in a corn field.

'Cause that's what them

circus families do, you know.

I don't know why.

But suddenly,

a freakish storm swept in.

- Ah!

- They were never seen again.

Lost forever in the corn field.

As legend goes,

he who sees the corn girl

is doomed.

Doomed, doomed

- Corn girl dark dance!

Corn girl dark dance!

Corn girl dark dance!

Corn girl dark dance!

Corn girl--

- Dee Dee!

- [gasps]

[applause]

On a more upbeat note,

I was able to double

this year's dance budget

by selling off

some classroom chalk

along with a pint

of my own plasma.

We have fifty whole dollars

to spend. Ah?

Woot-woot!

Up in the house, y'all.

- Who's read to make our

PS 38 dance totally awesome?

Woot woot!

[upbeat music]

Don't want to go

to school today

The sun is red hot

and I wanna play

But if I get caught

they'll make me pay

Detention again

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Math and social studies

just ain't my thing

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Rocking with my band

is where I'm king

Stealing the teacher's teeth

or bailing on a test

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,

ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Big Nate

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

[upbeat music]

- Okay, here's like

the $24 million question.

It's a costume ball.

What are we going as?

- What if we all dressed up

together as something moist?

[music stops]

- Eh?

- Oh, I got it.

We're all gonna go

all: Uh-huh?

- As the one and only

all: Uh-huh?

- Time Disruptors!

- Greatest idea ever!

- That's amazing!

- So you're probably wondering

who the Time Disruptors are.

Only the greatest

action franchise

in the history of cinema.

The Time Disruptors

are a group of scientists

whose mission it is

to better the world

by changing the past,

which inevitably

messes everything up

in the future.

I play Dr. Chip Destiny,

lead Disruptor.

He's a wild and unpredictable

microbiologist.

Dee Dee plays

Dr. Gwendoline Starfire.

cr*cker jack DNA sequencer.

Francis plays Dr. Ace Clarion,

anxious hypochondriac

neurosurgeon.

Teddy plays Dr. Jax Euripides,

expert in quantum mechanics

and salsa dancing.

- [growls]

- And finally, Chad plays

Nurse Spencer Marconi,

Time Disruptor in training

and all-around fix-it nurse.

- Turn your head and cough.

- So that's us,

the Time Disruptors.

We are going to own

our first ever PS 38 dance.

Any questions?

[rock music sting]

- you called for me,

Principal Nichols?

- In, in. Grab a seat.

You look worried.

- I'm not worried.

It's just an explanation

for my constant state

of emotions.

- The reason I brought you here

today is that there's a girl

at Jefferson Middle School

who needs a tutor.

- Y-yeah?

- Well, according to whatever

these colorful designs are,

you're the smartest

sixth grader at PS 38.

Mazel tov!

[ceiling rumbles]

[crashing]

- Did someone call

for the smartest sixth grader

at PS 38?

- I appreciate the hustle,

Gina, but no.

I definitely did not call

for you.

- Mm-kay.

Right outside if you do.

- Uh, Principal Nichols,

I've never tutored before.

Maybe Gina--

- No! Gina is terrifying.

She has the people skills

of an aggressive car salesman.

Oh, Francis,

we need this to go well

so parents will send

their kids here

instead of Jefferson.

We'll get a tax break.

We'll fix the kitchen!

[sobbing]

- Fine.

- Fine?

- That's what I said. Fine.

I just hope my friends

don't find out I'm helping

Jefferson.

[ominous orchestral sting]

Mm?

[ominous music]

[sudden whooshing]

Hmm?

[laughing nervously]

Uh

- [growling]

[growling continues]

- [whispering] Corn girl

- Whoa.

[majestic music]

- Pthh!

- Hello?

- Ah!

- Are you Francis?

- Uh

[tender music]

- Hi. I'm Sabina Shah.

Nice jump. Gotta work

on that landing though.

- Wait for me.

[ominous music]

- [chuckles menacingly]

- Where's Francis?

- No idea.

That kid's been acting

squirrely of late.

- Well, I like squirrels.

- Uh

- Dude! Where's

your Ace Clarion costume?

- I, uh--was that today?

- 14 hours, 7 minutes,

and 6 seconds

before our very first

PS 38 dance. Ha.

I mean, wow.

Wow.

[watch beeping]

- Uh, I gotta split.

- What?

- What is up

with our Ace Clarion?

- I don't know.

One thing's for sure.

We need to start prying

into every aspect

of Francis's life, removing

every morsel of privacy he has.

Immediately.

[rock music]

Time Disruptors, saddle up.

- Hmm.

- [growling, barking]

- Ah!

- Time Disruptors,

it's going down.

Oh--

[smacking]

- [gasps] There!

[all gasping]

- What is he doing?

- Looks like we'll be heading

into enemy territory.

- Eh?

- Hmm?

all: Whoa!

- There's schools in heaven?

- It's so shiny.

- This must've cost money.

- This is the prettiest school

I've ever seen.

- Hmm?

- Jefferson is having

their own masquerade ball

on the exact same day

as our costume ball.

all: [gasping]

- What's a masquerade?

- Oh, it's snob for "costume."

- Ooh, target identified.

- Hang on, Time Disruptors.

I got this.

Target identified.

- Is he talking to a girl?

- I think

they're reading together.

Oh, I'm gonna be sick.

- Is Francis tutoring

[gasps] The enemy?

- Is that right?

- Uh, close.

The idea is to use geometric

nets to find

the surface area of figures.

- Oh, so would

a net like this work?

- Uh, I, uh,

I don't see why not.

Let me just make

a few adjustments.

[music swelling]

- Till now I always got by

on my own

I never really cared

until--

- [shouting]

- What the?

- Heroic spacing,

Time Disruptors!

- [humming]

- What the?

- Silence,

treasonous butt-brain.

- Francis, what's going on?

- How could you give away

PS 38's top secrets?

- The only secrets I'm giving

away are geometry tips.

- Aha--wait, what?

- Dah! [winces]

Ah! She's trying to drain

your brain, Francis.

- "She" is named Sabina.

And how does one drain a brain,

precisely?

- I could show you.

Just need a straw.

- Francis, come on, you're

the smartest kid at PS 38.

I mean, to Jefferson,

that makes you solid gold,

baby.

They're gonna suck

the knowledge out of you

until the inside of your skull

is a Saharan butt-brain desert.

- Truth.

Happened to a friend of mine.

Kid was named Chad!

[giggling] Ooh! Look at it!

- Wait a minute.

This is just like the plot

of the Time Disruptors classic,

"Crisis on Planet Brain."

- I'm sorry about all this.

- No, I'm sorry.

I didn't think you tutoring me

was such a big deal.

- It's not.

Can I call you later?

[gentle music]

- Hmm.

- Principal Nichols

is making me tutor Sabina.

It's not a big deal.

- Hmm. Okay.

Apology accepted.

And, hey, maybe

there's a small possibility

I got a little carried away

in there.

- [snorts] Wait, wait.

A small possibility?

- Yeah,

you went full hissy-fit, Nate.

- Uh, hello!

Has everyone forgotten

the mission?

First dance as PS 38?

Ring a bell?

Greatest night of our lives?

But Francis

is a Time Disruptor.

We need five to make it work.

- I get it,

but you have to trust me.

Sabina is just

a girl I'm tutoring.

Nothing more.

- [growls]

- But that's not true

There's something about her

I can't explain

A feeling inside

I can't contain

Charter school girl,

charter school girl

I wish you went

to public school

Charter school girl,

charter school girl

That lottery system

sure is cruel

Charter school girl,

charter school girl

I know I may sound

like a fool

But that's me

I also drool

But here we are

From opposing sides

Your school is amazing.

And mine makes mothers cry

all: Wah-wah-wah

- But here we are

Charter school girl

I really like you

Charter school girl,

charter school girl

I've only kissed

my mom before

Charter school girl,

charter school girl

Don't mind my lip,

it's just a cold sore

Charter school girl,

charter school girl

I'll be the butter

for your lobster thermidor

Sometimes I hunt

with a bird of prey

You should also know

Before we get too far

I struggle with IBS,

social anxiety

And a wheezy chest

But here we are

Charter school girl

I really like you

Ooh

[sudden orchestral sting]

- Ah!

[screaming]

- [voice distorted]

Stay away from Jefferson.

- W-why me?

What did I do to you?

- Don't get smart with me, boy.

- Uh

- Unless you want this

to happen.

[munching]

- [whimpering]

- You don't want

a second helping.

- [whispering] Corn girl

[Men Without Hats'

"Safety Dance" playing]

- We can dance

if we want to

We can leave

your friends behind

'Cause your friends

don't dance

And if they don't dance

Well, they're

no friends of mine

- [growls]

- Ah!

- We can go

where we want to

There's a place

they'll never find

And we can act like we come

from out of this world

Leave the real one

far behind

And we can dance

- Or sing

[ominous music]

- [whispering] Corn girl

- Hey, wanna go to this

with me?

[rock music]

- [laughs nervously]

And then the corn girl tells me

to stay away from Jefferson.

[gulps] Or else.

- Wow, bro, you must've done

something to make her angry.

Bet it's

your obsessive flossing.

- I don't know why you're

freaking out so much, Francis.

If the corn girl hates

Jefferson,

that means she's on our side.

- Well, look at this.

What a nice surprise.

- [laughs]

Principal Nichols.

Mr. Galvin.

So good to see you

[quietly] He said, lying.

What are you doing here?

We're trying to make up

for lost revenue,

but, uh, these decorations

aren't selling door-to-door.

- Would anyone like to buy

a blacklight poster

of yours truly?

[shocked scream]

- Guys,

I seriously think I'm blind.

- Oh

- Francis, my boy genius.

I hear things

are going swimmingly.

Even got yourself an invitation

to their masquerade ball, huh?

Mm, huh?

[chuckles]

I smell a gluten-free frier

in this school's future.

[excited babbling]

Love that gluten-free.

- Nate, let me explain.

- [growls]

- Nate, talk to me.

Come on, dude.

- I have nothing to say to you.

You sold your soul

to Jefferson.

Five Disruptors is the unit.

Not four. Five.

So like I said,

I have nothing to say to you.

- Do you even hear yourself?

- Uh, no.

And you can't hear me either.

Because, hello, I'm giving you

the silent treatment.

- I wasn't even going

to the Jefferson party.

But now I'm definitely going.

- Francis has betrayed us

for Jefferson.

He's abandoned

the Time Disruptors.

I mean, how are we

supposed to take control

of our destiny now?

- Last time I checked,

Francis was our friend.

When one Time Disruptor falls,

do we not all fall?

[inspiring music swells]

That's it.

- Wait, that's it?

You aren't even going to answer

the fall question?

- Hey, look. Dee Dee's right.

- Thank you, Nate.

- No, not about Francis.

His brain has clearly

been drained.

But he was once

a Time Disruptor.

And we never leave

one of our own behind,

brainless or not.

Time Disruptors, mount up.

We have one last mission

to complete.

[rock music]

- [laughs]

- Mm, I feel out of place

in these clothes.

- Oh, stop overthinking it.

Nobody's gonna notice.

- You have precisely

two seconds

to explain whatever it is

you think you're wearing.

- Uh, we thought we'd go

as the public school losers

from across the street.

[tense music]

- [chuckles] Nice one.

Have fun, kiddies.

- Guys, I think we need

disguises for our disguises.

- 'Ello, love.

- 'Ello, darling.

- [gasps]

[mysterious music]

[scanner whirs]

- Blue blood detected.

- I get knocked down,

but I get up again

You're never gonna

keep me d--

- I've seen this before

while doing research

for my cyberpunk version

of "Ibsen's Ghost."

- And I said,

"That's not my yacht,

that's my butler's yacht."

[chuckles]

- Watch this.

[scanner whirs]

- Blue blood detected.

- I get knocked down,

but I get up again

You're never gonna

keep me down

- All right, guys,

remember to blend in.

Think rich.

- Diamond!

- Status is in the shoulders.

Shoulders.

- Ow! One more please.

- Hey, don't be seduced

by the charter school opulence.

Eh! We're here to save Francis.

Let's do this!

- And I told my dad

I don't need a jumbo jet,

a regular one will do

just fine.

[laughs]

- Anyone happen to catch the

latest Dow Industrial Average?

- Whoa!

Wow, these spikes

are even more comfy

than the ones at home.

- Rather painterly considering

the artist's oeuvre.

- Hmm. Rather bold.

- [laughs]

In the words

of Van Gogh's severed ear,

"Say what?"

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh, come on.

This is a total fake.

If this were real,

I wouldn't be able to lean

against the muslin

because it would--

Uh-oh.

[screams]

[sonar beeping]

- Hmm?

Francis.

Ugh, school dances are meant

to be spent with friends,

not with some girl

who, I don't know,

seems perfect and nice.

Probably has rich person

sugar cookie breath.

- And--and then I said,

"That's not a lima bean,

but you should really

go see a doctor."

[both laugh]

[pleasant music]

- Oh, wow.

Francis looks really happy.

Maybe coming here was too

disruptive.

[loud clanging]

[loud crashing]

- Oh!

- Stop running away from me.

Stand your ground!

- Ah!

- I said stop running away

from me.

- If this were

a Time Disruptor movie,

messing with

Francis finding happiness

would result in some future

filled with untold horrors.

But awesome.

Time Disruptors, time

to disrupt time one more time.

[epic music]

Ah!

- Ah!

- I think I broke

my vestigial tail.

- Principal Nichols?

- Shh! I snuck in.

By the way, have you tried

the tzatziki

at the servants' buffet?

To die for.

- Et tu, Wes-ley?

- Please don't judge me.

I'm an underpaid

middle school academic

with a 401k matching at 2%.

I wanted to shape young minds.

Now I steal chalk.

What have I become--

- Oh, come on, snap out of it.

PS 38 students are in trouble.

- Trouble?

Nobody messes with my kids.

All secure, Nate?

- That's Chip Destiny,

Principal--ah!

[epic music]

- Uh

- You're mine now.

- Ah!

- [cackles]

Hey!

- If we die,

can they at least bury us

in the mausoleum out back?

[all growling]

- Nate?

You crashed

the Jefferson masquerade ball?

- No, no, no, no,

it's not what you think.

- Francis, what is it with you

and your PS 38 friends?

You're like a cult.

- That cult rumor

was never proven!

- Francis,

the Time Disruptors--

no, I had no right

to get mad at you

for doing what makes you happy.

I know being happy for you

isn't easy

because of all

of your really intense issues.

- I--what--issues?

I don't have any issues.

- I think emotional flaws

are cute.

- Wow. It's like I created you

in a lab.

- Anyway, back to me

and what I've learned.

I've learned that--

I've learned

the Time Disruptors

are friends for life,

but you've also gotta let

your friends have a life.

- Not me!

I am totally codependent.

[giggles]

[tender music]

[crowd booing]

- Ugh. When are

you public school children

going to learn

you're not like us?

Charter school, hoo-yah.

all: Charter school, hoo-yah.

- Seriously? You guys gotta

get over yourselves.

It's a lottery. You got lucky.

- Technically

it's not a lottery.

It's vouchers.

- Ah!

[screaming]

- Francis!

- [voice distorted]

Hands off. He's mine.

[ominous music]

- The homeschool corn girl!

- You! I'm stalking you.

Get it? Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

I warned you,

stay away from Jefferson.

Now everyone's

gonna get corned.

[all screaming]

- Ah! It's the Corn Girl!

- Ugh,

it smells like discounts!

[screaming continues]

- She's going to corn us!

She's going to corn us all.

[evil laughter]

[both screaming]

- I warned you.

- Time Disruptors, and Sabina,

on me!

- Friends?

- Friends.

Ah!

[all shouting]

- [gasps]

[screaming continues]

[loud crash]

- Wait a minute.

Our party is still going on.

Right, Principal Nichols?

- Yes.

And, as principal,

I should probably go

as far as making an appearance.

- You know, this is

still our first PS 38 dance.

And while things

maybe didn't go as I planned,

that still doesn't mean

we can't have fun.

all: Taking control

of our destiny!

[laughter]

[screams]

- Who's the smartest kid

at PS 38 now, Francis?

[cackles]

[chomps]

- [whispering] Corn girl.

[upbeat music]