02x16 - NATESgiving

[bunniefuu]

- [chuckles]

Ahh!

[food squelching]

- So what's everybody

doing for Thanksgiving?

- My fam's gonna to do

what they always do,

buy a discounted turkey on

Friday, celebrate on Saturday.

- I'm jealous.

We eat dinner at 8:00 a.m.

[sighs]

My parents think the pilgrims

were morning people.

- We eat turkey for most meals.

Thanksgiving is just another

day for us Applewhites.

[giggles, chomps]

- Turkey,

it's for all the days.

Paid for by Eew Turkey Pieces.

- I'm headed

to NYC to see my Dad.

We usually order

Thai food and eat

in his living room

slash kitchen slash

dining room slash balcony.

- Well, the Holloways

are skipping Thanksgiving

this year to give

me time to prepare

for the Pumpkin Pageant,

where I will be playing--

- The titular role of Rock in

"The Story of Plymouth Rock."

- Rock happens to be

a nuanced character,

whom I've been refining

for months.

- She's got that down.

- Mm.

- Well, team, looks like I'm

the only one sticking to

my regular Turkey Day routine.

Ha-chaa!

- You know, Nate,

my family doesn't do holidays.

- Hm, bummer.

Good luck with that.

Yeah, anyway, Thanksgiving

at my house is the best.

- Great!

See you Thursday.

- Not good.

Me and Ruby are this

close to becoming off-ish.

- I ain't afraid

of no commitment.

- But she doesn't know

how weird my family is.

And they're even

weirder on Thanksgiving!

[turkey gobbling]

- [laughs]

[all screaming]

all: I wanna at some corn

all night

And drink corn every day

- If Ruby sees any of that,

our relationship is donezo.

- Did somebody say donezo?

[laughs, honks]

[upbeat music]

- Don't want to go

to school today

The sun is red hot

and I wanna play

But if I get caught

they'll make me pay

Detention again

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Math and social studies

just ain't my thing

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Rocking with my band

is where I'm king

Stealing the teacher's teeth

or bailing on a test

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,

ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Big Nate

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

- So when Ruby comes, I

need you guys to act normal.

- My boy is becoming a man.

- [groans]

He's 11.

- He's gonna have a girlfriend.

[gasps] A potential

daughter-in-law.

I've always wanted a girl.

- Nice, Dad.

Thanks.

It's a no.

- Please!

The stakes are very high here.

I never, ever ask for anything.

- That's a lie.

- You ask for

stuff all the time.

- I just want Ruby to think

I come from a normal family

with normal

Thanksgivings,

where we don't play

"Find Gramp's Prosthetic

Finger in the Stuffing,"

and we definitely don't sing

songs dressed as ears of corn.

- Fine.

But you're cleaning my

room for a year, dorkus.

We will have a boring

Thanksgiving just once,

one time.

- Yes!

[laughs]

Uh, Dad?

[whimpers]

- Oh, I can't say no.

Not with young

love on the line.

- Awesome!

[chuckles]

Because there is actually

one other little super

teeny tiny, small thing.

We have to uninvite

Gram and Gramps.

- What?

Why?

- Well, in case you

haven't noticed,

they have lost their marbles.

I mean, Gramps brought his

lucky chain saw

to Chad's bris.

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Mazel tov.

- But how am I supposed to

uninvite my own parents?

- Oh, it's simple.

Ellen calls and says

she has a fever.

If they don't want to get

sick, they won't come over.

- And then, I roll center

stage and welcome the pilgrims.

Welcome, one and all.

I am the rock

known as Plymouth.

- Hi.

We are the pilgrims.

Can we have this land

if we say "dibs"?

- Well, the people

who currently live

here haven't called dibs yet.

- Great!

And these people you mentioned,

about how much land are they

willing to give up by force?

[glass shattering]

- Dee Dee, my office now!

- But-- but you can't

cancel the Pumpkin Pageant!

It's a defining

moment in my career.

[sobbing]

- [sighs] I'll

let you put on the pageant.

- Yes!

- A pageant about anything but

unsanitized American history.

- So write and

perform an entirely new

pageant in two days?

- Yep.

And it's Thanksgiving, so

give the people of Rackleff

a happy, positive

story about Rackleff.

- But our town

is so undramatic.

My play was supposed

to be hard-hitting.

It was going to matter!

- Who needs hard-hitting

when you can

be compassionate and friendly?

And you know, I'm not trying

to get canceled anytime soon.

You know what I mean?

Yeah?

- [groans] What am

I supposed to do?

Write a play about ice cream?

- A Thanksgiving

pageant about Scoopsies?

- I am not complaining.

- Well, I am!

A pageant needs drama.

Where's the conflict?

Where's the intrigue?

[groans]

Oh, what?

Huh?

Lady Dairy,

founder of Scoopsies--

the Mother Teresa of dessert.

Never heard of her.

But something about

her seems sketchy.

- Sketchy?

She dedicated her life

to providing Rackleff

with delicious ice cream.

- Exactly.

Why isn't she

a household name, hmm?

What is she hiding?

- All right, g*ng, we have

one day to make this dump

look like the home of a

totally normal family.

- Everybody's working

for the weekend

Everybody wants

a new romance

Everybody's going

off the deep end

- [growls]

- [groans]

[doorbell rings]

- [gasps] Uh, Nate?

It's your girlfriend.

- What? Ruby?

Ellen!

Why is she so early?

- Nate?

- Ellen!

Augh! Do something!

[pants]

Remember, we are--

[spits loudly]

--a normal family hosting

a traditional Thanksgiving.

- What's all the ruckus?

- Dad, what could

have possessed you

to be dressed like that?

- Well, we can't

act like ourselves.

So I decided to act

like someone else.

- No, no, no, no, Dad.

No!

- Oh, relax, you two.

I got this.

- You must be Nate's dad.

I'm Ruby.

- Well, howdy, Ruby.

Aren't you just a peach?

Nate's just scraping

some tongue blisters off

in his water closet.

Now, come on in now, you hear?

Don't be shy.

[turkey gobbling]

- [coughs]

- Good cider, Ruby?

I squeezed the apples

myself with my armpits.

- Blech.

Where are you from

originally, Mr. Wright?

- Yeah, Dad.

Tell Ruby about the town you

grew up in where everyone

has an accent like yours.

- Oh, bless your heart.

I was born and raised in the

quaint hamlet of Townberg.

Yep, Townberg.

- So, what is it you guys

usually do on Thanksgiving?

Besides eat.

- [laughs]

That's a good one, Ruby.

We obviously love, uh--

[mutters]

- [cries]

Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Football, yes.

A total Thanksgiving

tradition, football.

- You're kidding me!

I love football.

- [whimpers]

[rock music]

- Ahh!

Ahh!

- [whimpers, screams]

- Hey, guys.

[all yelling]

- Go deep!

- [screaming]

[loud expl*si*n]

- Touchdown!

- Are you sure

about this, Dee Dee?

- Yes.

Don't argue with my process.

- Oh!

[gentle orchestral music[

[scatting]

- All right,

little maestro.

Give me some twinkle toes.

Cabriolé.

Brisé, brisé.

- Ugh.

- Wow.

So this is where

the magic happens.

- Hey, focus.

We're here to get the scoop

[rimshot]

On this Lady Dairy woman.

She had to have some

skeletons in her closet.

- Uncle Pedro says that's

actually the worst place

to keep skeletons, from a

climate-control standpoint

and a smell standpoint.

- Creepy.

- OK, why couldn't we

have just asked someone

for information on Lady Diary?

You know, the reasonable way.

- [groans]

Audible eye roll.

- [sighs]

- Check it out, family photos.

- Wait a sec.

Here's an article written

by a Ms. Secretary.

"Was lovely Lady Dairy

as Lovely as they say?"

The rest of the article has

red and black ink all over it.

- Redacted papers--

classic coverup operation.

Someone's hiding something.

We gotta turn this town

upside down to find out.

- Hey, y'all aren't

supposed to be here.

- Teddy, now!

- Dairy air.

- [farts]

- [coughs] Whoa, man.

Weird day, isn't it?

- [honking]

- Yeah!

[all groaning]

- Wouldn't be Thanksgiving

without a few bumps, bruises,

and permanent brain damage.

Am I right?

- [groans] No, you are not.

- My hip is making

a funny noise.

- Yabba, dabba.

- Hey, that's some

nice taxidermy.

- Huh?

Oh yeah, the family moose head.

Comes out every Thanksgiving.

- Old Eastern Malagash,

we call him.

- Oh.

I kind of figured it was fake.

- Oh, it is.

Yeah, no it is.

Totally fake, yep.

Obviously.

[laughs]

- Yep.

We don't hunt mooses.

We prefer to hunt--

squirrels?

- Yes, squirrels.

Yeah,

everybody hates squirrels.

- So you k*ll them?

- What?

No!

No, no, no, no.

Don't worry, Ruby.

We always put the

squirrels, um, back.

- What we do is,

we bag the squirrels.

Then, we treat them to

a nice afternoon brunch.

Grandpappy called it

squaggin', the annual Wright

family hunting tradition.

- I'll be honest with you guys.

That sounds awesome!

- Uh, it does?

- Oh, right up my alley.

I'm vegetarian.

- [stutters] Vegetarian?

Well, thank goodness

we bought some sort

of vegetarian turkey thing

and so many other veggies.

Right, Ellen?

- Yes!

Oh, and you know what?

That reminds me.

I need to dip out to

the store and pick up

a few things that

are definitely not

tofurkey or other vegetables.

- Great!

Yes, good plan.

You do that while we go

get our squaggin' on.

[laughs]

- Now squag your squirrels

round and round

Gotta bag 'em to and fro'

We don't k*ll 'em none,

just brunch for fun

Do the squaggin' do-si-do

- Ahh!

- Yee-haw!

- Hmm, what am I missing?

[slurps]

- Ahh!

- Mm?

- [groans

both: Huh?

- Meet at Rackleff Library?

Signed, Ms. Secretary?

[laughter]

- [whimpers]

[gasps]

Tofurkey!

Mwah!

- Turducken!

- [chuckles]

This is so exciting!

Feels like we're

in a spy movie.

- I'm gonna need

a fresh pair of underpants

before this day is over.

- Ha!

Rookie mistake.

Just turn the ones you're

wearing inside out, bro.

You'll know it's time to clean

them when they get crunchy.

- [shudders]

- Psst!

[all gasp]

- Ms. Secretary?

Hello?

[chair creaking]

[tense music]

[all yelling]

Mrs. Shipulski?

But, but--

- You're Ms. Secretary?

- Sit down, children!

There's not much time.

- Made it through

a successfully

non-violent hunting trip.

Now, we just gotta get

through dinner without Ruby

completely writing me off.

- [yells]

- Well, hey, son.

- Hey, Marty!

- No. Oh!

No, no,

no, no, no, no, no!

Gram, Gramps!

You came.

- Of course we did!

[chuckles]

Come on; come on.

Get in here.

Ohh-ohh-ohh.

OK, that's enough.

- We brought our poor

Ellen some cow tripe.

We just couldn't stand

the thought of her sick

in bed all day.

On Thanksgiving, no less.

- Not to mention, it's my

year for the corn ballad solo.

Even brought my Charbuphonica.

- [chuckles]

Good gravy, Ellen.

You've shrunk!

Just how sick are you?

- Oh, yeah.

Don't worry about it.

They're losing their marbles.

- It's OK, Grandpappy!

Ellen's fine!

We went squaggin'!

both: Huh?

- Your tradition

of bagging squirrels!

- What are you talking about?

We're having squirrel

for Thanksgiving?

- Call me crazy,

but that doesn't sound

like one of our traditions.

- [whispering] Wow.

Um, are they OK?

- Yeah.

They don't have much time.

- So sad.

- Dinner's ready

[yells]

[both gasp]

- Ellen sweetie,

we're just

so glad you're feeling better.

109-degree fever is no joke.

- Turned out just allergies.

[chuckles]

- Oh, uh, Dad?

Can you pass our guest

of honor some of Ellen's

famous ambrosia salad?

- [laughs]

Ellen, a chef?

Nice one, Nate.

- You see what I mean?

Memories, all gone.

- Oh, I do declare I would love

some of them vittles, Ellen.

- What's with

that accent, Marty?

You got that tongue

paralysis acting up?

- Oh, are you guys not from

Townberg like Nate's Dad?

Hey, Gram and

Gramps, I could sure

use some help in the kitchen.

Let's go check it out together.

Right now, please.

[groans]

- OK, sweetie.

What's going on?

Are you still feverish?

And who's that girl out there?

- OK, listen.

That is Nate's hopeful

girlfriend Ruby.

And she's a vegetarian.

- Oh, OK.

So she's got a few slices

missing from the loaf, huh?

You know, a few peas

short of a casserole.

She's an eight-cornered

meatball.

- No, Gramps.

Nate just wants to impress her.

- Oh!

- Hence, this soy-based turkey.

- Huh.

Yeah, well, one teeny problem.

That's a turducken.

- It's a what?

- Chicken stuffed in a

duck stuffed in a turkey.

- Turducken!

- The Holy Trinity

of meat consumption.

- OK.

Well, that's good to know.

But FYI, I am about to

freak out because this meal

has to be vegetarian!

[panting]

- Get a hold

of yourself, honey.

Gram is on the case.

Hmm.

- [roars]

- I can work with this.

- I'll get the chain saw.

- So that plaque out front of

Scoopsies is total baloney.

Lady Dairy was a fraud.

- Lady Dairy stole her

recipes from her siblings,

before long wiping

out all competition,

her lucrative stolen

business model

gaining the attention of--

[together]

The Eew Corp!

- Eew Corp bought

out Scoopsies?

There's the drama

and intrigue we need.

Ooh, what a pageant

this is gonna be!

[all yelling]

- Somebody kidnapped

Mrs. Shipulski!

- Somebody?

Try Eew Corp.

[screams]

They're messing with my career.

Oh, which makes Dee Dee

a very angry actress.

- Hey, it's OK, Dee Dee.

We can still make a pageant

about something positive.

- Sure, fine.

I'll put on a pageant.

I'll give Eew Corp

and Principal Nichols

the kind of show they want.

But what they don't know

is how good I am

at third-act twists.

- Happy to report

that the tofurkey,

which is very much

a meatless tofurkey,

will be done very soon.

- Amazing.

I am hungry!

[tummy rumbling]

Oh.

Uh-oh.

Would you all excuse

me for just a sec?

- All too familiar

with that waddle.

- [groans]

- Hey, Ellen,

what was in that salad?

- First of all, you are

welcome for looking up

traditional Thanksgiving

vegetarian dishes.

Second of all, nothing weird.

Just pineapple, sour cream,

oranges, maraschino cherries,

mayonnaise, croutons-- oh!

And marshmallows.

- Ellen, marshmallows

are made from horse hooves!

[horse whinnying]

- [groaning]

- Ugh, what was in that salad?

[gags]

[whimpers]

[gulps]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[screams]

[smoke detector beeping]

- Gram, come quick!

- [roars]

- Oh, dear.

I cooked it a bit

too long, didn't I?

- No one will ever

know, sweetie.

All right,

out of the way, people!

- [snarling]

- [cackles]

- Ahh!

[chain saw whirring]

- Is that a chain saw?

- No, that would just be silly.

I'm hoping it's just

a very loud blender.

[chain saw revving]

- Is that a chainsaw?

Oh, it's probably just

a really loud blender.

[whimpers]

- [cackling]

- What's going on in here?

- Impossible to explain.

Just go with it, Marty.

- [pants]

Why are you cutting whatever

that is with a chain saw?

- It's OK, Nate.

It's, uh, vegetarian.

[both cackling]

- [growls]

[both cackling]

- [growls]

- Oh, boys!

- It's vegetarian.

- Everybody, stop!

- If you'd like to make

a call,

please hang up

and try again.

- Why?

Why couldn't you just

stick to the plan?

Why couldn't you

just act normal?

And you two!

This is exactly the kind of

thing we uninvited you for.

[growls]

[balloon squeaking]

- [groans]

- Ellen was never sick,

was she?

- No, she wasn't!

I was trying to impress Ruby.

And you guys are

too much of a liability.

And no offense.

- [chuckles] None taken.

Oh, dang it!

Lost my finger.

- Nate, we were

just trying to help.

- With a chain saw?

[thudding]

- [snarling]

- [grunts]

Ahh!

[squelching]

- Ugh.

- Uh, hi.

Were you standing

there long enough to--

- I heard everything.

- [groans]

[wind howling]

[groans]

Ruby, I'm sorry.

I was, you know--

well, I-- I was

trying to impress you.

- Yeah, I could tell.

- I was just sure you'd think

our regular Thanksgiving

traditions were pretty nuts,

which is why I tried to make

my family act more normal.

- I'm not even sure

what normal is.

But for what it's worth,

I think

your fam is pretty kick butt.

- Thanks.

Guess I owe them a

pretty big apology, too.

They went all out for me

this year, even Ellen.

- You all sure are definitely

a rare breed of awesome.

- Really?

- Yeah!

Except that apple cider.

- Ugh, yeah.

That was really gross.

[laughter]

They might have something

better at the Pumpkin Pageant.

You want to check it out?

We can go watch Dee Dee's

super weird play.

[laughter]

- And so Lady Dairy

spent the rest

of her life spreading

joy, laughter,

ice cream, and deception.

- No, Dee Dee.

Don't do it!

- After stealing

ice cream recipes

from her very own siblings,

your dear Lady Dairy

shipped her brother and

sister to a frozen wasteland,

never to return.

Lady Dairy's power grew

stronger and her

pockets deeper.

She ruled over her

staff with an iron fist,

wiping out all

who stood in her way.

Scoopsies, a Rackleff

symbol for tasty bliss

founded in lies.

- Fake news!

- Liar.

- Prove it!

- Hey, stop!

What are you doing?

Don't you want the truth?

Ahh!

- Get off the stage,

and save those tomatoes

for the cafeteria.

- Oh no, she's bombing.

We gotta go help her.

- Ahh!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Listen up.

[together]

Huh?

As an encore to Dee Dee's

incredible truth-revealing

story, I present you

with something equally as

raw, real, and unconventional.

This is for my family.

[upbeat music]

I want to eat some

corn all night

And drink corn every day

- I can't choose cream,

cob, or roasted

So I think

I'll have all three

both: Oh bless me

all: Yellow, brown, or blue

I'll eat any corn I choose

- I could sure go

for some ice cream.

- Oh, let's go get Scoopsies.

- Hey, did you say Scoopsies?

all: The bells are ringing

You call the cab

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

I want to eat some

corn all night

And drink corn every day

I can't choose cream,

cob, or roasted

So I guess

I'll have all three

Doop, dee-doo, corn

Ah-doop, dee-doo

Corn

Doop, dee-doo, dee, corn

- Till the morning dew

[together] Yeah, corn,

I can't digest you