02x22 - Carlotha the Sloth-a

[bunniefuu]

[puppies whimpering, barking]

[tires screeching]

- Dad!

Dad.

Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!

Pull over.

- No can do, bud.

Gotta get that

milk in the fridge

before it turns

into mayonnaise.

[milk carton spurts]

- But look!

Marcus is selling puppies.

- We're not buying a puppy.

[tires squealing]

- [whimpers]

Dad, come on.

I'm serious!

[groans]

All I want is a pet

who loves me and is totally

dependent on me for survival.

Oh!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Spitsy!

You fleabag.

- [barks]

- [sighs]

- [whimpers]

- Margarine,

it's fun for the whole family.

- Ooh, it certainly is.

- Lick it, dip it.

Just ask Rackleff's

own Mayor Klatchko.

- That's right,

AI-generated announcer.

Margarine is Rackleff's

number one export.

And to celebrate everyone's

favorite spreadable edible,

we planned the First Annual

Rackleff's Margarine Festival

this weekend.

- [snarling]

- [screams]

[tires squealing]

[metal crunching]

- [grumbles]

- Ah, darn it.

Forgot to buy toilet paper.

Nate!

Run out back

and grab me some corn husks

to use in the meantime.

- Corn husks?

They're all dry and scratchy.

- [chuckles] Not after

I'm through with them.

- [gags]

Gross.

Augh! This is so lame!

Life would be so much better if

I had a pet to do stuff with.

[grunts]

[groans]

You guys saw that, right?

[wind whistling]

[st*lks creaking]

Um-- hello?

Is somebody out there?

[whimpers]

Hmm?

[tense music]

[screams]

- Papa?

- [gasps]

[upbeat music]

- Don't want to go

to school today

The sun is red hot

and I wanna play

But if I get caught

they'll make me pay

Detention again

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Math and social studies

just ain't my thing

- Big Nate, Big Nate

- Rocking with my band

is where I'm king

Stealing the teacher's teeth

or bailing on a test

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,

ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Big Nate

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

- Whoa, you got a 100

on the science worksheet?

What's your secret?

- I just looked at Nate's

answers and did the opposite.

- [laughs]

Is that true, Nate?

- OK, OK, look.

I didn't score

well on the test.

But look what I scored instead.

[all gasp]

- Is that a sloth?

- Papa.

- Yep.

Meet Carlotha the sloth-a.

- She's so cute.

- Cool.

- Wow!

- Look at her little butt.

- What's up with you, Teddy?

Not into exotic

endangered animals?

- Exotic usually

means undomesticated.

- I thought exotic

meant inappropriate

for young viewers.

- [sighs]

Did none of you

watch that video

I sent of the exotic

man-eating capybara?

- Today, we've happened

upon a family of capybara.

These gentle,

docile creatures appear--

fang!

Fangs,

they're eating my face off!

- Yeah, I really need to

turn up the parental controls

on this thing.

- Carlotha would

never eat my face off.

I mean, look how sweet she is.

- Oh,

great Jehovah's flyswatter.

W-w-where on Earth

did you get that sloth from?

- I found her chewing on

the rotting cornstalks

in my backyard.

How random is that?

- Yes, of course.

Random.

I have to be going now.

- Nate Wright, please come

to the principal's

office immediately.

That sloth has got to go.

Now!

- I hear you.

I'm listening.

But what if I kept her?

- Absolutely not.

The school can't

afford another lawsuit

if that thing mauls a child.

We're still paying off that

settlement for using plutonium

to disinfect the cafeteria.

Uh, allegedly.

- [sighs]

- How am I supposed

to live without you

now that I know what love is?

[cupids smooching]

- Hey, couldn't

help but overhear,

because I was eavesdropping.

My Uncle Pedro's had, like,

thousands of exotic animals.

And they've all

ended in disaster.

- Did you say thousands

of exotic animals?

[upbeat music]



- Behold,

the Tromcicleta 1200.

I finally have an excuse to

play this beauty at this year's

Margarine Festival.

[gasps]

[speaking in Spanish]

Who is your animal smuggler?

I lost mine years ago.

- [belches]

- She wasn't smuggled.

It was destiny

that brought us together.

And now I'm worried

that the government

will try to tear us apart.

- It's good you came to me.

Follow!

There are plenty of loopholes

to keep endangered species

in your possession.

Unfortunately,

those loopholes

sometimes have

severe consequences.

[loud clattering]

Ahh! My elephant's destroying

my Tromcicleta!

- OK, can we agree now?

Keeping a sloth

in Rackleff is a bad idea.

- Bad idea?

Didn't you hear your uncle?

He said there are

plenty of loopholes.

And we've got everything

we need right here.

So, by adopting Carlotha

as our school mascot,

P.S. 38 will be designated

as a protected wildlife zone.

And you will get a tax break.

- With the extra money

from a sloth tax break,

maybe we can hire

a math teacher again

instead of a claw machine.

[electronic whirring]

- How much money have we

lost if I spent 11 quarters

and you spent 12?

- If this is true,

Mayor Klatchko

needs to know immediately.

- My work here is done.

- Fa-fa.

[dramatic music]

- Mayor Klatchko

signs bill into law

requiring all Rackleff

households to own a sloth.

- And you can all

thank Nate Wright.

- All right!

[cheers and applause]

- Fa-fa

- Yay!

- Fa-fa.

[squeals]

- Fa-fa.

- Sloth delivery.

You get a sloth,

and you get a sloth.

- Hey, look, Carlotha.

Everyone's getting a sloth.

[grunts]

Get off me!

Come on, Carlotha.

- Alone

Are the feelings

really gone?

- [knocks at door]

Sloth delivery.

- Ahh!

Fa-fa.

- Oh, no way, man.

I don't trust that thing.

And neither should you.

- Suit yourself.

More sloths for me.

[laughs]

- [scoffs]

[laughter]

I feel like

the next Jane Goodall.

[sloth barking]

- I've always wanted

an emotional-support animal.

Look!

I'm not anxious anymore.

Ugh!

- Guys,

this is crazy!

You're all becoming

sloth-obsessed.

- Teddy, relax.

In New York, I once had

a neighbor that bred

Chinese crocodile lizards.

- You know it's bad when even

I think you should relax.

- Wait, doesn't this all

seem a little suspicious?

First, Nate's sloth

shows up out of nowhere.

Then the next day,

a mass population of sloths

just magically appears?

Don't you get it?

- Uh-oh.

- This is a

sloth-cloning conspiracy!

- Uh-oh.

- Augh!

- Teddy,

you're overthinking this.

- [hiccups]

Hear that?

Hunch hiccups.

[hiccups]

That means I'm on to something.

You guys don't want

to listen to me?

Fine.

[hiccups]

I'll find someone who will.

[hiccups]

- Uh-oh.

- My sloth has such

cute mall butt.

- Ahh! Teddy!

My bladder is too weak

for sudden noises.

Luckily, I'm already empty.

[urine trickling]

Oh, wait.

Never mind.

- Riddle me this, professor.

How does a pygmy three-toed

sloth end up in Rackleff

if not by flying saucer?

- I'm afraid

I can't discuss it.

I'm quite busy

with my lab experiments.

- [growls]

- These sloths

are up to no good.

What are they hiding?

- I told you, I'm busy.

I was never here.

Ahh!

Ooh, yi-yi-yi.

- Hmm.

[hiccups]

More hunch pickups.

The trail is hot, hot, hot.

Like any good investigator,

I'll start from square one.

[hiccups]

OK, here's where

Nate found Carlotha.

[both smooching and giggling]

Hmm?

Hey, hey.

Don't mind me.

Yeah, love is love.

[jazzy music]

[both giggling, growling]

[bird cooing]

Eureka!

[upbeat music]

- Match found.

[electronic beeping]

Location identified.



- [chuckles]

[chomping]

Mmm.

- Hello, Zeffrey.

- Hmm?

- Are you even Zeff or a

sloth in a Zeff costume?

I knew you looked

lumpier than usual!

Spill it, chump.

Spill it!

- I'm not a sloth!

I'm just a delivery man.

- Show me

who you're working for.

[ominous music]

[sloths chittering]

Eew Corp.

I should have known.

[sloths chittering]

[sneaky music]



- To celebrate your success--

or should I say, "sloth-cess"--

I made you my famous stuffed

margarine casserole, Nate.

- Fa-fa.

- Dad, for something

to be famous,

the whole world

has to know about it.

- Well, you two

are my whole world.

And you know about it.

- Wow, that's sad.

- Fa-fa.

- When do I get a sloth?

- [laughs] I'm sorry,

only one sloth per fam.

They are endangered, after all.

Mmm.

- Keep talking and pretty

soon, you'll be in danger.

- Ah, I pity you, Smellen.

You'll never understand

the connection between a boy

and his sloth,

a sloth and her boy.

There's no greater bond,

for ours is a love eternal.

- Alone

I need a man

A master of my own

To help take off my cone

Alone

- [howls]

[thunder booming]

- Mm.

Hmm?

Oh hey,

you want some casserole?

- Uh-uh-uh, people food

is only for people, Nate.

[chomping]

- Fa-fa.

- Hey, don't worry.

I got you, buddy.

- Fa-fa!

Fa-fa.

[chomping]

[dramatic musical sting]

[sneaky music]



[together]

Fa-fa. Fa-fa. Fa-fa.

- Ahh!



Mr. Galvin?

- Oh, Teddy, how many times?

My bladder!

- Less urinating

and more talking.

- I've been conducting

research for Eew Corp

to make their employees

more productive.

- How are the sloths involved?

- I figured if we could make

the slowest animal move faster,

we could make humans

move faster, too.

- What is this?

- Why, that's an extracted

sloth brain.

Wait, Zeff.

Please, don't!

[buzzing and crackling]

[glass shattering]

Oh, these levels

are off the charts.

If this is what margarine

does to a sloth brain

outside the body,

I shudder to think what it does

when the brain is inside.

[thunder booming]

[distant clanking]

- [groans]

What?

I'm trying to--

[loud clang]

What's going on?

[gasps]

- [snarls]

- [screams]

Carlotha!

- [squeals]

[snarls]

[loud thud]

- Well, that's not good.

- Carlotha!

Where are you?

- Carlotha where are you?

- How could you

let her get away?

I could never lose Falafel.

- OK, I will not be judged

by someone who named

a sloth after fried chickpeas.

- [breathing heavily]

Guys!

It's margarine.

Margarine makes

the sloths go crazy!

[laughter]

- OK, now you're making these

theories intentionally bad.

Right, Nate?

- Heh-heh-heh-heh.

- Something you want to

share with the group, Nate?

- Nate, how exactly

did your sloth get away?

- She ran away after eating

my dad's margarine casserole.

[all gasping]

- Wait, sloths don't run.

- That's what I'm telling you.

A slots on margarine

is super-fast.

- And super strong!

She tore open her cage like

it was made of toothpicks.

- Dude, I told you

something was up.

But you didn't listen.

- I know.

But no animal has ever

loved me like that.

Is it so wrong, huh?

To want that for myself?

I have so little!

[sobbing]

- Oh, brother.

- Nate, stop stealing my drama

jam and pull yourself together.

- OK, OK, OK.

Everyone relax.

We can fix this, OK?

Just focus.

As long as we keep the sloths

away from large quantities of--

[gasps]

Oh, no.

all: The Margarine Festival!

[upbeat music]

- [babbling]



[trumpeting]

[saliva squelching]

- Thank you, Pedro,

for that rendition

of "America the Beautiful."

- That was "Como La Flor."

- Sure.

My fellow Rackleffians,

it is my honor to open

the First Annual

Margarine Festival.

But first, I'd like to

recognize one individual.

And there he is now.

- Don't worry, OK?

I'll tell them the

danger of what happens

when sloths eat margarine.

- Nate,

come on up to the stage.

[together]

Nate! Nate! Nate! Nate!

- It is my honor to crown

you the Margarine King.

Bring it in, boys!

[helicopter whirring]

[loud thud]

[majestic music]

[together]

Ooh!

- Whoa,

a giant sculpture of me?

- Not just any sculpture.

A sculpture made

entirely of margarine.

Please, Your Majesty.

The floor is yours.

- [clears throat]

- Perfect.

Now's his chance

to stop the festival.

- Well, hey.

Thank you.

Thanks, everyone,

for this incredible moment.

All I've ever wanted

is to feel loved.

And today,

you've given that to me.

- Oh, no.

We forgot that unwavering

public affection and attention

are Nate's kryptonite.

- [sobs]

Being crowned

your Margarine King

is an honor

that I will never forget.

- Margarine King, we love you!

[together]

Margarine! Margarine!

- [sobbing]

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, I love you, Rackleff.

- Ow, my eye!

- And--

[sniffles, coughs]

Yeah, yeah.

I guess that's it.

Weird, I feel like

I forgot something.

- Let the

Margarine Festival begin.

- No!

[all grunt]

[dramatic music]

[together]

Margarine! Margarine!



[margarine splashing]

[applause]

[sloths squealing]



- Uh, what's happening?

- Oh yeah, now I remember.

[clears throat]

Uh, hey, everybody,

margarine makes

the sloths go crazy.

So--

- Run!

Run for your lives!

[all screaming and yelling]

- My margarine!

[sloths growling]



[margarine squelching]

[all screaming]

[horns trumpeting]

- Kids, quickly,

get on the Tromcicleta.

[laughing]

[bike bell dinging]

[frenetic music]



- We need to get off

the street.

- Teddy's right.

We're covered in margarine.

- Personally,

I've never felt more delicious.

- What's the most secure

location in Rackleff?

- J-J-J-J-Jefferson!

Yeah, take a right.

Up there!

[sloths screeching]



[sloths growling]

- They're blocking the doors!

- Quick, head to the peripheral

octo-style Doric temple.

- Wait, they have an acropolis?

Dang, those charter school kids

are rich.

[all screaming]

[dramatic music]



[door thuds]

[loud banging]

- [stammering]

Teddy!

I-- I don't know what to say.

- Ahh!

That you're sorry

you didn't realize margarine

would make sloths

go cuckoo banana puffs?

Don't sweat it, bro.

Even I didn't have that on

my Slothspiracy Bingo card.

- But I wanted to see my

million-dollar fireworks show.

- Million?

The school has a claw

machine as a math teacher,

and you're spending millions

of tax dollars on fireworks?

[loud clattering]

[sloths snarling]

- Still, you were right.

I should have listened to you.

I'm sorry!

[loud thudding]

Huh?

- [laughs]

- We're sorry, too.

- We should have believed you.

- We messed up.

- Well, at least

it's a fun story to tell.

[slurping]

Ah, that's the stuff.

- Is it just me, or have

the sloths gotten quiet?

[hiccups]

[sloths snarling]

- [growls]

- They made Carlotha

their leader.

- Is it weird

I'm a little proud?

- Yes!

- Perdóname, mis amigos.

The spit valve was full.

- Spit valve, that's it!

Everyone, quick!

Squeeze any margarine you have

left into the Tromcicleta.

- [barks]

[inspirational music]



- [snarls]

[sloths growling]

- [screeches]



- Nate, hop on.

- [screeches]

[trumpet bellows]



[bell dings]



- [whimpers]

[bell dinging]

- Head to the fireworks

barge at the end of the pier!

- Oh, great idea.

One last show

before we're all goners.

[seagulls squawking]

- [yelling]

- OK, everybody.

On the count of

three, everybody jump.

One, two, three!

[all yelling]



[loud thud]

[sloths snarling]

[fireworks booming]

- Oh, worth every penny.

Just pretend

that says "margarine."

- [growls]

- [mumbling]

- [grunts]

[gentle music]

- Hey, bud. Doing all right?

Weird day, huh?

- Hmm? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's just hard, you know?

Nobody's ever loved me

the way Carlotha did.

- Oh, hey now.

I know for a fact

that that's not true.

You're very loved.

- [scoffs]

You think so?

- I know so.

- Wow.

You know, you're right, Dad.

There's someone

who loves me unconditionally,

who's been right in front

of me this entire time.

- [sniffles, whimpers]

- Spitsy!

Come here, boy!

- Ahh! Ahh!

- [barking]

- [laughs]

Oh, yeah!

I love you, too, buddy.

Don't ever leave me.

OK, all right.

You're slobbering on me.

[grunts]

So gross.

You know what?

Maybe I don't need a dog.

- So what do you think

will happen to that sloth

barge, anyway?

- I guess we'll never know.

[horn blares]

[dramatic music]

- The barge of sloths

that washed up on shore

has now completely overwhelmed

every nation on Earth.

In this humble reporter's

opinion,

all hail

the new sloth overlords.

[light jazzy music]

- Alone

Are the feelings

really gone?

Won't you throw

a dog a bone?

Won't your heart

pick up the phone?

Alone

I need a man

A master of my own

To help take off my cone

Alone

Arf