01x02 - A Dismissive Ranking

[bunniefuu]

[♪ Sweeping choral music playing]

[gasping]

[Headmage] You are here today
because the Dark Mirror

recognized in you a particular aptitude
for magic. Congratulations.

Sorry for eavesdropping,
but I've got something to say.

-[students screaming]
-[student] Run!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Maybe we ought to get out of here, Juice.

Not "Juice." Deuce!

[grunts]

-[flames roaring]
-[grunts]

[hisses]

Who do you think you're talking to?

Silence!

It's not enough that you intrude,
but you would dare insult me as well!

That is tantamount to insulting the Queen
of Hearts herself, you prodigious buffoon!

I will not tolerate
such an affront to the crown!

To wit. Your punishment will be
swift and righteous.

And your head will roll!

[student] Hang on a sec, Riddle.

What is it?

Just take a breath and remain calm.

You want me to be calm?

Once this imbecile has been punished
for his ruinous behavior

and flagrant violation of the rules,
then I will be calm!

Yes, of course. We're aware. But you can't
expect him to know the rules.

He's only just arrived.

So true.

Since it's just his first day, what if we
just let this slide with a little warning?

-[Yuken] Wait a second.
-[all gasp]

-[♪ Music ends]
-I've already explained

that I can't use magic.

So there's no point in me sticking around.

Hey, we're trying to help you here,
so just play along.

Either you're still sleep talking or mad.

The black carriage has no reason
to visit someone who can't use magic...

[voice] It is as the boy says.

[students gasp]

-[smoke whooshes]
-[♪ ethereal music playing]

[flames roaring]

Uh…

The Dark Mirror is addressing us
on its own.

Explain what you mean.

The young man speaks true.
No magic is found in his form or his hue.

No talent nor gift, his soul devoid.
No skill there is to be employed.

A student with no magical talent.
How could this be?

[Yuken] You see? I told you.

[Headmage]
This is quite difficult to believe.

But, if true, then I fear I must admit

we cannot grant you entry
into our academy after all.

And we instead must ask the Dark Mirror
to return you to your homeland.

Oh, uh…

That's great. I'd love to go back.

[Headmage] O great
and powerful Dark Mirror…

[magic chiming]

…I beseech thee. Please guide
this young man back to where he belongs.

-[♪ Music ends]
-[chiming stops]

Eh?

[all gasp]

No such place exists.

Huh?

Searched far, have I,
through fog and mist.

The young man's home does not exist.

[gasps]

[♪ Theme song playing]

[♪ Song ends]

A DISMISSIVE RANKING

[Headmage] I beg your pardon?

[Trey] "The young man's
home does not exist"?

No, but… That's impossible.

I just came from there 20 minutes ago.

My dear boy,
may I ask from which country you hail?

Uh, Japan.

The country of Japan?

Never have I heard of a land
with such a name as this.

What?

I certainly hope this is not some manner
of falsehood, or perhaps a prank.

Wha… Why would I lie
about something like this?

If Japan doesn't exist… [gasps]

[♪ Ethereal music playing]

Fine then. Forget it.

I'll figure out how to get home on my own.

What is going on?

Not one of them has heard of Japan?

Darn it. Where's the exit?

Come on.

[gasps]

Now we're talking.

-[doors creak]
-[♪ music ends]

[gasps]

[♪ Ominous music playing]

That entrance ceremony
was a total disaster.

[student] I know.
My robes almost burned to a crisp.

I do trust you know your way home, yes?

No, I… Not from here.

Is there perhaps
a friend you could contact for assistance?

[grunts] That's right.

I'll call Koito.

NO SIGNAL - CONTACT SERVICE
PROVIDER IF PROBLEM CONTINUES

[gasps]

No service. Oh, crap.

Am I really trapped in another world?

TOKYO - ENMA

[Yuken] Guess I'm not making it
to the tournament tomorrow.

And just as we finally qualified for one.
I'm so sorry, guys.

[Headmage] I can see from your demeanor
that you are indeed not spinning tales.

What a conundrum.

One cannot be permitted to stay
at the academy if one cannot use magic.

But of course.

There is a vacant building on campus
that was once used as a dormitory.

I shall allow you to stay there
for the time being if you so wish.

Is that okay?

It would pain me terribly
to leave you out in the cold.

Goodness, what an immensely kind man
I have shown myself to be.

Truly a model educator. Yes, indeed.

-[♪ Music ends]
-[exhales]

-[♪ Whimsical spooky music playing]
-[owl hoots]

[crows cawing]

All right. Here we are, dear boy.

-[Yuken] Well, it certainly has character.
-[crows cawing]

[Headmage] Yes, quite the structure.

It is in need of a few repairs,

but it will provide you
shelter enough from the elements.

[doors creak]

[Headmage] As the Dark Mirror
summoned you here in error,

the college administration must bear
responsibility for some recompense.

To which end, we shall provide
these lodgings to you free of charge.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

[tinkling, creaking]

-[gasps]
-[chandelier crashes]

[gasps]

-[ghost giggles]
-[gasps]

[ghosts howling, laughing]

Hey, show yourself! Who's there?

[laughing continues, echoing]

-[warbling]
-[ghost] Welcome to our humble abode.

[gasps] What was that?

A few mischievous ghosts
have taken up residence here as well.

Of course,
you will pay them no mind, I trust?

[Yuken] Ghosts?

[all chuckling]

We haven't had a visitor in ages.

Want to be our newest buddy, buddy?

Let's turn you into a ghost.

[all chuckling]

[growling, distorted laughing]

-Oh, cool.
-[both] Huh?

[Yuken] So, you don't need
supernatural powers

to be able to see ghosts in this world?

[all] Huh?

I'll have to pass on turning into a ghost,
but I'm glad to be your housemate.

Samesies. Put her there, roomie.

Guess we can't haunt this one.

And here I thought we'd
finally get to have a little fun again.

-[♪ Music ends]
-Hmm.

Impressive how quickly you adapt
to your situation.

However, I fear we have more to discuss
regarding your tenure here on campus.

We are, of course, unable to
provide for your entire livelihood.

From here on, you will be expected
to manage your own food and clothing,

but with what money?

[chuckles] I have an idea.

I shall have you maintain the school
grounds and undertake other such odd jobs.

-[♪ Playful music playing]
-Sure. Okay.

Good, and in order to further support
your endeavor to return home,

I will even
permit you access to the library.

Use it at your leisure.

What a paragon of kindness I am!

Yeah, that would be an incredible help.

I'll gladly take the job.

[grunts]

[Headmage]
No room is off-limits, dear boy.

Claim whichever feels
most comfortable to you.

Well, here is as good as anywhere.

-[bed creaks]
-[sheets rustle]

[Yuken] I still can't really
wrap my head around this.

All the magic and flying.

It's gotta be a dream.

Maybe I'll drift off here and in the
morning I'll wake up back in my own bed?

[snoring, mumbling]

[Yuken] But probably not.

Yeah. [mumbles]

-[Yuken] Good night.
-[♪ music ends]

-[birds chirping]
-[footsteps approach]

So, this is Main Street, I take it?

I think I'm just supposed to
clean up these statues.

They're so elaborate.
I guess they must be famous here.

[student] Dude, are you kidding me?

-Hmm?
-Surely you've heard of the Great Seven?

I guess I haven't, no.

They're considered the greatest beings
who have ever lived,

for one reason or another.

[grunts]

[student] That one there,

she was said to have been
the Fairest Queen in all the land.

-[♪ Ominous music playing]
-She used the Magic Mirror every day

to confirm that she was
still the most beautiful.

And if her eminence was under threat,
she'd do whatever it took to eliminate

the competition and maintain
her rightful place at the top.

[Deuce] This one is the Thorn Fairy

whose castle topped
the peak of a mystical mountain.

Of all the greats, she was by far the most
ruthless and powerful spellcaster.

[student] And the man with the scepter
is the Sorcerer of the Sands.

That shrewd guy exposed a con man

who was trying to swindle
the Sultan's daughter,

and he even snatched up
the magic lamp in the process.

And right over there next to him…

The King of the Underworld.

He single-handedly presided
over a domain teeming with

writhing demons and evil spirits,

and commanded their loyalty.

[student] This is the King of Beasts,
ruler of the savanna.

He was meticulous and calculating in his
plans, and took over the animal kingdom.

[Deuce] That's the Sea Witch,

who lived in a grotto
deep beneath the ocean waves.

She made it her purpose in life
to help unhappy merfolk.

Ah, they say there wasn't
a wish she couldn't grant.

[student] And last but not least,
the Queen of Hearts.

Bet you don't have a clue
who she is either, do you?

No.

She's a queen from long ago
who lived in a maze of roses.

She prized discipline and order
above all else.

She had zero tolerance for her
playing-card soldiers to be out of step,

or for her roses to be the wrong color.

Her kingdom was full of crazies,
yet no one dared defy her.

Do you know why?

Because if anyone broke the rules,
it was off with their head.

-Literally the coolest.
-[♪ music ends]

You think so?
She sounds a little tyrannical to me.

Thank you for telling me all that.

I assume you're both students here, yeah?

-[♪ Funky music playing]
-Yep. The name's Ace.

And I'm a first-year as of today.

Pleasure to make
my acquaintance, I'm sure.

Yeah, it's nice to meet you.

[Ace] Oh, and you're that guy
from the thing yesterday, aren't you?

The one the Dark Mirror brought over
who can't even use magic?

[chuckling] I thought I was gonna
bust a gut for real.

-[chuckling]
-Dude, shut up!

Don't be so rude
to someone you don't even know.

Why?

I'm Deuce Spade, by the way. And you?

My name's Yuken Enma. What's up?

[Deuce] Yu-kin… What?

You have
a weird-sounding name, don't you think?

Is it really that hard
to pronounce in this world?

You can shorten it if you need to.

-So, like, "Hey, Yu."
-Sure.

All right.
If they put Yu to work doing chores,

do you think the monster
who ruined the ceremony yesterday

is off scrubbing floors?

-[chuckling] Because that I'd like to see!
-[snarls]

-[exclaims]
-[both gasp]

[♪ Mischievous music playing]

[chuckles] You won't catch me doing
any stupid chores.

It's you again. The Tanuki!

It's the great and magnificent Grim.
Get it memorized, all right?

[Yuken] But weren't you kicked
off campus yesterday?

So what? I notice
your non-magical butt is still around.

[Deuce] Yeah, but he wasn't banned.

And honestly,
I'd love to go back home if I could.

I can't take your spot as a student here
if you're gonna be in my way.

I'll get rid of you myself.

Oh, no. It's gonna rampage again.

I won't let you.

Oh, no!
A guy who can't use magic. What do I do?

[shouts]

Men!

-[yelps]
-[crashes, pulsates]

-[gasps]
-[Ace gasps]

[whimpers]

[whimpers] Huh?

-[both sigh]
-[Yuken] No! Let go!

[Grim] Get off of me!

-[growling]
-Settle down.

Otherwise they'll throw you out again.

If you think this is gonna make me
give up on getting into this school,

then you've got
another thing coming, buddy.

-Hey, security! Help!
-[gasps]

You don't have to do that.
Come on. Please!

[groaning, seething]

Okay, then tell me why you want to
get into this school so badly.

Great question.

[breathes heavily, sighs]

Well, as a matter of fact,
it's real simple.

'Cause I'm a genius, duh.
I'm destined to become a great magician.

A great magician?

Huh? No way.

Yeah.

I've been waiting my entire life
for the black carriage to come pick me up

and bring me here to this school.

[horses approaching]

[gasping]

And for what? Nothing.

That stupid mirror
obviously has no eye for actual talent.

So, I figured that
if no one was gonna come get me,

I'd just have to come here on my own!

I'm the best,
and I'm gonna get even better.

None of you can stop me. I won't give up.

[gasps]

[teammate]
You never gave up, so I won't either.

[crying] I want to be a great athlete.

I understand.

Eh? Huh?

Well, good for you.
You should never give up on your dream.

You mean that?

That's great and all, but it's also,
like, straight-up impossible.

Huh?

Only those specifically chosen
get to enroll in this academy.

[snarls]

Hate to have to tell you,
but I just don't think kitty made the cut.

[growls]

Well, now what you know,
guess you should be on your way.

[growling]

-Plus, like...
-Enough!

You need to stop being so disrespectful.

You've been nothing but rude
since you opened your mouth.

I didn't think we were in class already.

-[grunts]
-I don't need you lecturing me.

Well, it sounds like you need to learn
that people have feelings.

[both groan]

Ugh, whatever.
Time for first period anyway.

Oh, hey!

[Grim] That little twerp.
He thinks he can speak to me that way.

Hey!

-Huh? [yelps] Whoa!
-[fireball whistles]

[groans]

That almost hit me. What's wrong with you?

That's what you get for making fun of me.

Now hold still so I can give
your big, dumb explodey-head

a reason to look like that!

"My big, dumb explodey-head"?

You've got some real guts
challenging me to a fight.

-[chuckles]
-[wind whistles]

Is that wind magic?

-[yelps]
-Nice!

You…

Ha!

[both grunting]

[Ace laughs]

Would you stop? Give it a rest!

-[grunts]
-[gasps]

-Ha! [grunting]
-[wind whooshing]

[grunts, groans]

[grunts]

[fireball whistles]

[both scream]

-[gasps]
-[fire roaring]

Ah…

Uh, that ain't good. It wasn't me!

Hey, get back here, you stupid cat thing!

[embers sizzling]

[sighs]

-[Headmage] My, what a ruckus.
-Huh?

Now, what is this commotion all about?

Oh! [screams]

-[♪ Hard rock music plays]
-This is simply unacceptable!

Your reckless disregard for decorum

has reduced the likeness of
one of the Great Seven to mere cinders!

This blasphemy against an eminent figure

will not go overlooked
by the administration!

As of this moment, you three are expelled!

EXPULSION

-Wait, are you serious?
-Yeah, expelled?

I'm not even a student here, so…

[Headmage] I want you gone by sundown.

-[both gasping]
-[♪ music stops]

-[whimpers] No. This isn't happening.
-[♪ music resumes]

After everything I did
to get to this place?

How am I going to explain this to Mother?

[gasps]

Headmage! Please, have a heart.

Anything but expulsion!

You may turn your resentment
towards your own oafish behavior.

Headmage, there are so many things
I need to do at this school! Please, sir!

I'm begging you. I'll do anything, sir.
Please just forgive me!

[♪ Music ends]

Oh? Are you quite certain
you mean that, my dear boy?

Yes. Of course.

-[Ace] Uh?
-[sighs]

[insects chirping]

[Deuce] Is that the mine?

[♪ Whimsical music plays]

Very well. I shall grant you
a chance to redeem yourselves.

There is a large chandelier
hanging in the dining hall

with ever-burning candles
which is falling into disrepair.

The power of the old magestone inside
has rapidly begun to fade.

However, if I were to come into possession
of a magestone with the same properties,

it may well yet be restored.

Then I'll go get one.
Just tell me where to find it!

Hmm…

Yes, if you insist.

That said, if I do not have
the magestone in hand by tomorrow morning,

you will all three be expelled.

[Deuce] I'm gonna find that thing,
no matter what it takes.

[rustling]

[♪ Music ends]

[Riddle] What did you say?

Ace and Deuce?

[Headmage] Yes.

As you are their acting house warden,
Mr. Rosehearts,

I thought it most prudent
to apprise you of the situation.

On behalf of Heartslabyul House, for
all the trouble my students have caused,

I sincerely apologize.

As punishment for their actions,
I had to send them to the enchanted mine.

I expect they should return
by tomorrow morning.

Thank you, Headmage.

-[♪ Ominous music playing]
-[door opens]

[footsteps echoing]

[Riddle] They've only just arrived
and they're already causing trouble.

Such rule-breaking will not be tolerated
on my watch.

They must be sentenced!

It's creeping me out a little
that it's so quiet.

Let's just grab this rock
and roll on out of here.

[♪ Ominous music playing]

[rubble falling]

[creature groaning]

No… Mine…

It's all mine…

[♪ Theme song playing]

[♪ Music ends]

Hey, would you look at that!
My very own room. [chuckles]

-Sorry, not just yours.
-[giggling]

Apparently we're roommates.

I call this bed! [laughing]

Hey, Ace! Are you listening to me?

We're sharing this room
so I need a verbal confirmation

you will respect my study time.

I didn't come to play around.

I need to work hard
to become a great magician...

-[grunts]
-[Ace] Stop being serious!

[screams]

I guess this is it.

My dumbbells haven't been delivered yet.

[strains]

[grunting]
If I skip a single day of training,

I'll need at least three days
to make up for it!

[grunting]

[yawning] Well, I guess this is mine.

My chin hurts where Vil grabbed it.

And I got a headache.

[grunts] I wanted this to be my wild
and crazy coming-of-age experience.

I don't care about
no dang brands and manners

and what even is a macaron?

[grunts]

[gasps]

[gulping, exhales]

I'm gonna show those housewardens
who the real boss is around here!

My room. My room at last.

Now then, where to hang this?

No, this isn't right.

This spot doesn't suit the great Malleus
either. Nor here. Or here.

[echoing] Oh, this spot is horrible!