01x03 - The Consequences of Gaming

[bunniefuu]

- Ooh.

- You're good.
Five-second rule.

- One, one thousand,
two, one...

Thousand! Ow.

- Take a mulligan.

- OK, one, one thousand,

two, one thousand,
three, one thousand.

- Hello?
We're back.

- Something smells good.
- Dad, catch.

- Jim made supper!

- Oh, God!

♪ ♪

- ♪ It's genius ♪

♪ The marriage that we once
had now is through ♪

♪ And now we're doing
all that we can do ♪

♪ To keep us all together
as a crew ♪

♪ Trust, do as we say,
not as we do ♪

♪ We really thought
that we were done ♪

♪ But we've just begun ♪

- So how was Miami?

- Exhausting.
Happy to be home.

- Happy to have you home.

Happy to see you in the home,
because it means

I'll be leaving the home.

Congrats on your tan,
by the way.

- Jim, I was working.

And thank you
for your flexibility.

You are a great ex-husband.

- I am!
I am.

When you're divorced with kids,
life is like a relay race.

In our case,
I run with the baton my week

with the kids,
and then I hand it off to Julia

for her week,
and it's a rhythm, you know?

My week, her week,
my week, her week.

But this time,
it was my week, my week.

- Jim, thank you so much
for doing the extra week.

- Oh, did I do an extra week?

Yes, I did do an extra week.

- But the client
needed more time.

- All good, I have
no hidden resentments

that I'll carry with me
for the rest of my life.

So whose crisis
did you smooth out this time?

- There's an NDA.
I can't say.

- I didn't sign it.
It was Pitbull.

- Where did you have
your meetings?

On his yacht?

- There's an NDA,
so I can't say.

- It wasn't a yacht.
It was a ship.

Pool, disco,
theater, helicopter.

- I don't want to know.
- Three-story water slide.

- I do not want to know.

Well, a lot happened while you
were on your multi-story

water slide for 14 days.
Was it 14 days?

Yes, I believe
it was 14 full days.

- Let's not forget
Grandpa Bobby

was here for the last three.

- Hours.
The last three hours.

- Jim, I'm truly sorry
I saddled you

with the extra days,
but I'm here now.

What's the update?
- Things are good.

Things are-- are-- are fine.

They're-- they're--
they're not good.

They're-- they're bad.
Yes.

What can I say?

I dropped the ball
on the grocery shopping,

so our cupboards
are a little bit bare.

The side dishes
for dinner are peanuts,

ketchup, and seven pretzels.

Today, we had olives for lunch.

And we are out of soy milk,

rice milk, oat milk,
and milk-milk.

- And milk
has lost all meaning.

- Actually, the closest thing
to human milk isn't cow milk.

It's rat milk.

- Who's the sick b*stard
that figured that out?

Somebody had to suck
on a rat's breast?

- What else?
Oh, Grace got a C-minus

on her trigonometry test.
- What happened?

- What happened is
I did not have the bandwidth

to investigate what happened.
- It's OK.

I'm on it.

- How is trig useful
in real life?

- Actually, trigonometry
can be used in naval navigation

to find the distance from
the shore to a point at sea.

- How is trig useful
in real life?

- Oh, also, Grace is sleeping
over at Jasmine's tonight.

- Jim, I hate
when they have sleepovers

the first night that I'm back.

- I sympathize.
But again, it is day 14.

My brain is just barely
keeping my heart beating.

I don't remember
Trey's last name.

- Taylor.
- Doesn't ring a bell.

Oh, and allow me
to direct your attention

to the dinner table,

where you will notice
Jimmy isn't.

Now I have called him
to dinner five times,

but he is completely absorbed
in his new video game.

- How absorbed?
- He plays a few hours a day.

- How many?
- Yesterday, all of them.

- Jim, I thought we had limits.
- We do.

But mine apparently is 10 days.

Because on the 11th day,
I placed our son in the custody

of his computer.

I'm not proud of it.
I'm quite ashamed.

Didn't even plan on admitting
any of this,

but I am exhausted.

So if there is nothing else,

I will attempt to recharge
by bingeing the new season

of my favorite Swedish
m*rder show

back at my apartment
by myself,

doing nothing for anyone.

- Does a Swedish woman
go missing?

- A Swedish woman
does go missing, Trey.

Very astute.

I see you're versed
in the genre.

And then a Swedish police lady

along with a Swedish police man
with a beard will get--

- Get to the bottom of it.
- Mm.

- I love Swedish m*rder shows.

- Is there anything else
we need to know?

- It's called "Gustavsson."

That's the cop with the beard,
Gustavsson.

- I meant about the kids.

- Oh, uh, lunch was olives,
out of milk,

Grace's trig test,
Jimmy's game,

brain is flatlining.
That's everything.

Ooh, Jimmy!
- Just go knock on his door.

- Julia, there are my problems,
and there are your problems,

and now that you're back,
this is your problem.

My well is dry,
my tank is empty,

and whatever third metaphor
for depletion

that I am too tired
to come up with.

- You sure you don't want
to eat dinner with us?

- No, thanks.
- Eh, I'm good.

- We're good.

- Jimmy, dinner.
- Stab him!

Stab his neck!

That's it.
Now stab her.

Stab her good.

- Jimmy.

- That's it, stab again!
Stab!

Chase him down, Isaac.
Slice the jugular!

Yes!
Nice win.

Way to slay.
Oh, OK, I got to go eat.

Mommy, I missed you.

You were gone a long time.

- I know, sweetie,
but I'm back now.

- Oh, did you hear
Grace got a C-minus.

Are you gonna ground her?

Can I ground her?

Oh, nice tan, by the way.

- I was working.

♪ ♪

So tell me about this new game.
Seems action packed.

What's it called?
- "STN."

It's the best game ever, Mom.

- Well,
I'm glad that you like it,

but, um, it's kind of violent,
isn't it?

- No, there's not even g*ns.

Just knives
and machetes and stuff.

- Well, what's
the "STN" stand for?

- "Stab The Neighbors."

- "Stab The Neighbors"?

- This game is b*mb.

Your squad fights
your neighbor's squad

to the death.

You get points for kills,
but also for stabs,

even if they don't die.

- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

Your dad said that
you've been playing it a lot.

- No, I play the normal amount.

- Well, I'm glad
you're enjoying the game,

but it's also important
that you spend time outdoors.

- I go outdoors.

The whole time I walk home
from school is outdoors.

- You should also be playing
with your friends.

- Mom, I play the game
with my friends.

- What about
the after school job

that we discussed?
Did you talk to Mr. Shay?

- Oh, yeah,
I started when you were gone.

Oh.

Well, that's great.

I'm so proud of you, honey.

- You got a job.
Good for you.

- It's easy.

I just bring in his mail
and stuff.

- Well, I think it's great.

I always had a job
when I was little.

Yeah. Yeah. OK.

Let's just keep an eye
on the game, all right?

- Of course.
Mom, today was so lit.

- Mm-hmm?

- We k*lled the Maguires,
the Murphys,

and most of the Harrisons.

- But those are
our real neighbors.

- I know.
So great, right?

The AI lets you
customize the avatars

to look like real people.

Mr. Harrison
even has the same comb-over.

I got to get back to the game
and finish them off.

I'm so glad you're home.

Oh, seriously,
think about grounding Grace.

I think two weeks is fair.

- Mm, I wouldn't go in there
if I were you, Astrid.

Ugh.
Yeah?

- We need to talk about
this game Jimmy's been playing.

- Is this an emergency?
- Not yet, but--

- Behind you.
Behind you.

Bakom dig!
Bakom dig!

- Jimmy's a good kid, right?
- Love that kid.

- You don't think this game
is gonna turn him

into some kind
of sociopath, do you?

- Honey, millions of people
play video games.

Not all of them
turn into sociopaths.

- But some of them do.

- Yeah, statistically
in any large group,

you're gonna find
some K*llers.

- Die, old man, die!
- Excuse me just one second.

♪ ♪

- Die, die, die!

Die, die, die!

Isaac, stab Ms. Murphy
in the stomach!

The stomach, not the neck.

Stomach.

Just cut her in half
and move on.

Mom, the Wi-Fi!

What happened
to the Wi-Fi, Mom?

- Well, I don't know!

- Do you know
how to restart it?

- No, honey, sorry.

Your dad hooks up
all of our internet.

- Call him!
Call him now!

- But it's late, sweetie.
I'll call him tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

No, we're supposed
to decapitate the Murphys,

- I just don't think
sabotaging the Wi-Fi

is a great plan long-term.

- I didn't sabotage the Wi-Fi.
- Oh, really?

So the modem just spontaneously
ripped itself out of the wall.

- They're not well made.

I think they're deliberately
designed to fall apart.

Big Modem--
they got us where they want us.

- Big Modem?

Babe, if you don't want him
to play the game,

you're his mother.
Just tell him not to play.

- Right,
because while I'm gone,

Jim lets it all go to hell,
and then I have--

- Because you extended
your trip.

- No one went down
that water slide more than you.

And now you want me
to come in here

and look like the bad guy?
No, sir.

Let's let the cable company
take the hit on this one.

- I'll be at Jasmine's.
- Hold up, young lady.

Let's talk about
these trig worksheets.

We got to get your grades up.

- Mom, I got all A's
and one B right now.

And trig is boring.

- Sine 2X minus 2 cosine X
equals what?

Your answer, "I don't care."

- I don't.
- Grace, this is unacceptable.

- Dad said
don't worry about it.

- I wasn't here to cover
Dad's mouth when he said that.

- Dad said that trig
isn't useful in life.

- Dad's wrong.

You can use trig to find points
in the ocean and the shore.

- It's not useful
for everybody.

- I couldn't fix it.
- Give me a minute.

Grace and I are discussing
the importance of--

damn it!

- Hey, thanks
for coming over, Jim.

Sorry to disturb your weekend.
- Great.

With your apology and a dime,
I'd have a dime.

And I was just getting
to the point where Gustavsson

finds the body
of the local vicar

who I had been led to believe
was the k*ller.

- Well, vicar's usually
the red herring.

And it might interest you
to know that red herring

was coined by the Englishman
William Cobbett,

who would use smoked fish
to distract his hounds

from chasing rabbits.

- It might interest me,
and yet, it didn't.

And I don't see how somebody

who knows so much
about so many useless things

couldn't fix the Wi-Fi.

- Well, at least
I knew the vicar

was never a serious suspect.

- Well, well, well, look
who thinks he's Gustavsson now.

- It's fine.
It's fine.

They'll be out
to fix the Wi-Fi sometime

between Monday and 2086.

- Well I'm going back home
to resume my recharging.

All I ask is that
you respect my wishes

as you would the word of God.

Now if there's nothing else,
sweet dreams--

or as Gustavsson would say,
drom sott.

- Do you think less of me

because I was married to him
for 17 years?

- Yes.

Babe, come on,
Jimmy's just playing a game.

- Jimmy needs a break
from the video game.

- Yeah, but how is this a plan?

You can't keep him
off the internet forever.

- That's it.
Stab again! Stab!

- Or at all, apparently.

- Mom, check it out.

My squad won
four matches in a row.

- How did, um--

you have internet?

Oh, yeah.
Look what I rigged.

Mr. Shay was paying me
five bucks an hour,

but I said,
"How about two bucks,

and I get to use
his high-speed connection?"

Win-win, right?

And there's zero lag,

so I'm getting really good.

I know I said I want
to be a doctor when I grow up,

but I think I'm gonna go
"STN" pro instead.

- Pro?
As in -fessional?

- No.
Professional.

One word.

You let me quit school,
pretty soon

I'll be pulling down


- Is anyone dead,
dying, or missing?

- Everyone's fine.

- Then we need to define
"emergency."

- Jim, this is serious.
- Oh, you want to talk serious?

When last I saw Gustavsson,
he was running through a bog

by a fjord.
- Which means what?

What are you even saying?

- It is common knowledge
that a bog by a fjord

holds all the darkest
Swedish m*rder secrets.

This was dramatized
most notably

in the 2019 limited series--

"Fjord Bog."

- What's your emergency?

- Why'd you call my dad?

- I called everyone whose
fingerprints are on this mess.

- Is this about the chicken?
Because I didn't drop it.

Jim did.
- Chicken?

- Chicken?
- Stay focused, Julia.

What was the mess?

- The mess you left me with.

Your son is so addicted
to this video game

that he is running wires
from two floors up

and wants to quit school

to become
a professional stabber.

And your daughter,
who no longer lives here,

by the way, has forsaken math.

- I got out of a bubble bath
for this?

- Jim, I don't know what to do.
I'm exhausted.

- Exhausted on day three.
Lightweight.

- You left me
with a dumpster fire.

- You were on a yacht.
- I was working.

- On a yacht!

- Can I add a little sanity
to this discussion?

I know two things.

One, no one with my DNA
is ever gonna do well at math.

And two, boys have always
pretended to k*ll each other.

When I was a kid, you know
what we did all summer?

We played army.

We pretended sticks
were machine g*ns,

and we k*lled each other
over and over and over.

And when I got to Vietnam,
I was ready.

- Thank you for your service.

- I could have used
that "thank you" 50 years ago.

- All right, look, folks.

Uh, I know I'm the new guy,
but allow me

to add some perspective,
all right?

You people are failing.

Jim, look, I understand
you got nothing left

in the tank,
and nobody blames you,

but you left us
with a train wreck.

- Yeah, well,
she left me with...me.

- And, Julia,
you did your best

to get the train
back on the tracks,

but some of your choices
were a bit--

- Bad.

- I just want to help.
We need to inspire them.

So if you'll allow me,

- Professor Davenport,
I'd like to introduce you

to Jimmy and Grace Kearney.
- How do you do?

Hi.

- You know,
you've made such an impact

on my life when I was here
at MIT

that I wanted these kids
to meet you in hopes

that you could inspire them
the same way.

Jimmy here has an enthusiastic
interest in computers.

Isn't that right, Jimmy?
- My mom made me come here.

- And we want to channel
this interest

into something incredible.

And Grace
has become disillusioned

with trigonometry.
- I was never illusioned.

- You guys, Professor Davenport

is a Nobel Prize winner,
visionary, and genius.

Helped turn me into
the man I am today.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go take a selfie

of that building
with my name on it.

- I don't remember
teaching him.

Jimmy, let's start with you.

Tell me what you like
about computers.

- Well, I like
that I can play games

on them with my friends.
- Games, yes.

What they can do with games
today is wonderful.

I understand why young people
love video games so much.

- Yeah.
Because they're awesome.

- Yes, but they're
more than that.

They're an escape from the
stark realities of our time.

They offer us a world
with no air pollution,

no microplastics,
no fire tornadoes.

- I just like goofing
with my friends

and cutting people's heads off.

- I see.

Kids, have you heard
of the Thwaites Glacier?

Thwaites is an unusually
vast Antarctic ice mass

that is rapidly shrinking.

And when Thwaites melts,

sea levels will swell enough
to begin

the final phase
of mankind's time on Earth.

- You mean--

- That's right, Jimmy.
Extinction.

- I wasn't--
I wasn't gonna say extinction.

That sounds bad.

Is that bad?
- Oh, my God.

- God deserted us long ago.

And Grace, I can see why
you are not interested

in wasting your time
with theoretical math,

the only function of which
is to navigate

a point from sea to shore,

and in all likelihood
within eight years,

there will be no more shore.

- No more shore?
- Where will we stand?

- There will be
no more standing.

- Is there anything
that we can do?

- I don't know.
Get a boat?

I used all my best ideas
to get that Nobel Prize.

No, I'm just an old man
jumping around

in the deflated bouncy house
of my life.

But you,
your generation will suffer

the brunt
of the climate horror,

so you're the ones
who have to fix it.

- Me and Grace?

- If not you, who?

- Two kids
that could get into MIT.

- I don't mean to suggest that
I wasn't honored by the award.

But in the end,
it's a trinket

I keep in a drawer
with my cough drops.

They also gave me
a million four,

but I've got a little bit
of a blackjack problem.

- So how are we doing?

Feeling inspired?

- And now we're terrified.

The nerve of you people!
- The nerve.

- You lecture us
on how to live,

but you've wrecked
the one and only planet

that we call home.
Shame!

- Shame.

- There's gonna be a lot
of new rules around here.

Number one, no more meat.

- Meat equals methane.

- Is it OK
if it's sustainable meat?

- Meat is meat.

No meat!

- Number two, from now on,
we're composting everything.

- Copy that.
What is composting?

- It's time to bundle up.

From now on,
the thermostat goes

no higher than 60 degrees.

If you're cold,
just grab a jacket.

But no feathers, no down.
- And no leather.

- And no fabrics made
from petroleum products.

- What does that leave us?
- Naked.

- Cotton, hemp, flax, and wool.
Write it down.

But no plastic pens!

- And no wooden pencils.

- Just remember it.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to study my trig.

- You're studying trig?

- Well, I don't want to,
but I have to

for this
environmental engineering class

I want to take online.

- And no more lights.

From this day on,
we live by the sun.

- OK, guys,
well that worked out.

Well done.

Thanks, Trey, for bringing us
down the home stretch.

I still have
a few days left free,

so I'm gonna go back
to my apartment

where I will enjoy heat, light,
and a bacon cheeseburger.

- Ah!

- Five-second rule.
- Think anyone will notice?

- It's vegan lasagna.
That'll help.

- One, one thousand,
two, one thousand,

three, one thousand.

- Hey, something smells good.

- Boy, am I starving.

- Julia made supper!