01x04 - High Rollers

[bunniefuu]

- (metal clattering)

- f*ck's sakes!

I'll remember that!

sh*t!

(horn honking)

Sorry Rita,

I missed your wave.

Oh, that?

I didn't even notice!

Yeah, okay then,

take care!

Okay, you too!

See you.

(engine departing)

'Cause I can

love you Baby

All night long

Okay!

I don't want anybody

f*ck' around

when we get to Winnipeg!

Yeah!

We're goin' straight

to the Red River Ex.

No bullshittin'!

Sorry I'm a little late.

Took you so long, man!

Let's kick the tires

- and light the fires!

- Can you not?

I'm just havin' a day.

I can't wait to get

to the deep fry pit.

Last year,

they deep fried

a whole jar of peanut butter.

So what did you bring

for the fry yourself truck, bro?

Nothin'.

I'm all about the feature.

They're gonna deep fry

a whole milkshake.

We're talkin' cup,

lid, straw,

- um, the whole deal.

- That's risky, man.

I've got this right here.

Cheesecake, bro.

That's money!

What's goin' on,

how come we haven't left?!

Oh, I was ironing my khakis.

A Brady man,

you look freaked out.

You doin' okay?

Ah, I don't like

these old planes.

Thing looks like

it's 100 years old!

Ha, come on, Brady.

Planes don't

have birthdays!

Just don't be freaked out.

I won't be freaked out.

I took a sleeping pill.

That's a weird move, man.

Trip's only like,

an hour.

What's up your arse, bro?

You get to fly a plane

all damned day.

You wouldn't understand,

you're just a kid.

(scoffs)

As if.

You're 30?

Two words:

Exfoliate.

All right, then.

What's the difference

between a TFSA and an RRSP?

You don't pay taxes

on the TFSA.

- Mm.

- But with an RRSP,

you're locked the f*ck in.

Well, apologies

to you, ma'am.

Nah, man.

I'm hella flattered.

All right, listen.

If we're being real

with each other?

I lost a sh*t-tonne of money

betting on the dog races,

and if my wife finds out,

she's gonna k*ll me.

I get it, man.

Of course, you're 30.

And if we're being honest

with each other?

It's not even my wife

that's the worst

of my problems.

I got a dog bookie

who handles all my dog bets,

and if he doesn't get paid--

- He'll sic his dogs on you?

- Yeah.

Been there.

Paul: Hey, what's goin' on,

are we takin' off, or what?!

Yeah, yeah, hang on!

Here's what I'm thinkin':

I'll place another dog bet

when we get over

into the internet pocket,

right over barracks.

The only way out of a gambling

slump is to keep gambling.

Ah-- exactly!

Go big or go home, bro!

Oh, f*ck' right!

Okay, ladies and gentlemen.

One hour to Winnipeg,

buckle up

and enjoy the flight.

- Ah.

- Ah!

Hey Brady!

Cool kids

in the back seat!

Yeah, I'm a cool baby.

What?!

- I'm not a baby.

- Okay.

(chuckling)

Just a head's up:

I talk a lot

on planes.

Rose hates it.

Okay, great.

Last time,

she was sawin' logs

two minutes in.

You're not gonna fall asleep

on me though, eh?

No, no, I

I hate sleeping.

Same!

(laughing)

I wish I could skip it!

Plus all the work

I have to do.

Sorry, am I boring you?

Oh, no, no, no, no,

that's my neck.

I, uh

Was watching

a live tennis match.

In Grouse Lake?

Yep, mm hmm.

Anyways.

Last time

I took a day off,

Chief Deedee bought a horse.

I take one day off,

and she buys a horse!

What the heck

is goin' on?!

It's like my bros

on W Street say:

Buy low, sell high.

(phone chiming, chirping)

We're in the internet pocket.

Hold the yoke for a sec,

- I'm gonna make a call!

- f*ck' sick, for real?!

Yeah, you got this, right?

You're 30!

'Course, bro.

Hello?!

Yeah, hey!

Give me two grand

- on Fast and the Furry Legs!

- Bookie: Two grand

Uh yeah, in the next

wiener dog race.

- Bookie: Okay.

- Two grand?

- Bookie: You got it.

- Yeah, why?

How much you down?

Twenty-five.

Wow.

Yeah.

"Go big or go home," right?

Yeah, put me down

for 25 grand

- Bookie: Twenty-five grand.

- On the Fast

and the Furry Legs.

(phone chiming)

It's cousin Leon.

He's at the fry barrel,

and he said

it's the biggest

line he's ever seen.

For real?!

f*ck' Leon!

I told you he's a scammer!

I'll get him to buy us

three milkshakes,

- just in case they sell out.

- He'd better.

(phone chimes)

Okay, he's gonna do it.

But he needs 60 bucks.

All right, all right.

I'll send it!

Can't wait to eat

that lid, bro.

There, sent.

(exhales sharply)

He'd better not f*ck us.

(phone buzzing)

He's calling!

- What's up?!

- Bookie: Sorry, man, you lost.

- What?!

- Bookie: Yeah, you lost.

- f*ck!

- Bookie: Yeah.

He lost?!

- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

- Holy sh*t!

Nooo!

No, no, no!

Nooo!

- Oh God!

- Harsh, bro.

You just lost 50 Gs!

(gasping)

It's okay, it's okay.

(laughing maniacally)

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.

(exhales shakily)

Oh, I haven't asked you

about you, yet!

Is this your first time

going to the Ex?

(yawning loudly)

I'm not actually going

to the Ex.

Why not?

I have to go to Winnipeg.

To sign my divorce papers.

You're married?

(snoring)

Did you guys know Brady

was married?

Nah, man.

Nah!

But I know he took

a sleeping pill.

We should stick his hand

in some water

until he pee-pees himself.

- No!

- Two against one.

Heather!

Put that thing down!

I thought we were trying

to work things out!

We're cruising

at an altitude of

I don't know, f*ck,

but it's awesome!

Fifty grand.

Like sand,

through my hands.

Yeah.

Would've been better

if you'd f*cked with an RRSP.

I mean, sure,

it's a slow build,

but it's the safest gamble

- out there.

- Yeah, but I don't want

safe, man!

I thought we were on

the same page!

We are, bro!

So you know what

I'm gonna say.

That the only way out

is to bet my way out!

f*ck' right!

So go back?

Can I?

In the pocket?

Are we really doin' this?

We're really doin' this.

(cackling)

(plane engine revving)

Pilot: Woo-hoo!

(giggling)

What the hell?!

We're turning around?!

We are?

Oh-- we totally are!

What the hell

are you doin' up there?!

Don't mess with my milkshake!

Pilot: Hello, everyone,

this is your captain saying

there's going to be a slight

change in our flight path.

We had to adjust

for a flock of birds up ahead.

But don't worry,

we'll be in Winnipeg

before you know it.

I don't see any birds!

We're gonna miss

the deep fry?

We never miss it!

Un-real.

Did you know that I got

my first hickey

from a grease splash?

(phone chiming)

Leon says his wife ate

a deep fried milkshake,

and it was so good!

She passed out, bro.

I just wanna sit back

and eat a deep fried milkshake,

and then get sick,

and then take a nap

under a bush.

That's doing the Ex

Paul style!

(phone chiming)

Leon says,

"You guys should be

here by now!

"What are you taking,

a plane, or a f*ck' turtle?"

Leon needs to stop

running his mouth!

(phone chiming)

Leon says he's gonna eat

all three milkshakes,

and go find the best

nap bush.

Why aren't we

in Winnipeg yet?!

Got it!

So my bookie's at

the Winnipeg Dog Show right now,

and they're about to call

the herding category.

So it's down to a shepherd

named Schnitzel,

or a collie named Betsy.

He says that Schnitzel

looks good for it, though.

- If it was me?

- Yeah.

I'd go 50 grand

on the Schnitz.

F-fifty?

Holy sh*t.

Holy sh*t, uh

- Fifty grand on the Schnitz!

- Is that a question?

- No, that's not a question!

- Okay?

- I want it!

- (laughing)

- Yeah, 50, all in!

Nice!

Whoo!

That was the biggest bet

I ever made.

Nice.

Woo-hoo, Schnitz,

don't fail me now!

Heather!

Put the thing down!

It's a live animal.

You don't know

how to use it.

Are you guys hearing this?

He's been saying

all sorts of crazy things.

Heather,

put that critter down!

Please!

(groaning)

You know,

if you talk to somebody

when they're sleeping,

they'll answer.

Prank Wife!

"Prank Wife?"

Okay, I'm just gonna ask him

what we all wanna know!

Brady?

You said you're getting

divorced?

- Is Heather your wife?

- Yes.

What happened

to your marriage?

She made prank videos

for her channel.

Whoa!

Is that what all

the critters

are about, then?

Heather,

put the ferret down!

Please!

It looks angry!

Prank Wife!

Man, somebody's

gotta look that up!

Hello?

What?

(chatter on radio)

Yes!

Yes!

I won.

I f*cking won!

(screaming)

Ohh my God!

I f*cking won,

oh my gosh!

Yesss!

I got it, I got it,

check it out!

Dean, Jesus!

of a husband

is about to take a shower,

and I'm gonna pour

a hot cup of coffee on him.

Prank Wife!

Ooh!

(Paul chuckling)

(Brady shrieking)

What is that, coffee?!

Don't forget to like

and subscribe!

Ah, Prank Wife!

sh*t, we're out

of the pocket!

That's deadly,

his wife is Jackass!

I wanna watch more!

Hey, turn around

back into the pocket!

Watch it when you get back

to Winnipeg!

Nobody's turning

this plane around.

You know how you

take control of a plane?

You gotta Conair them, man.

Are you

Gonna highjack this thing?

Hear me out!

So dude

pulls a condom

out of his throat

with lighter fluid

and matches inside,

and he burns another bro.

And then when

sh*t gets crazy,

he hits a switch,

and it releases

Cyrus the Virus.

And then Cyrus gets a g*n,

and he puts it

to the pilot's neck,

and he tells him

to turn the plane around.

We're not doin'

any of that.

Man, I haven't had a cigar

since my first born.

Oh, you got kids.

Yeah, man.

My youngest just graduated

high school.

- Congrats.

- Congrats to you, man!

Mm.

Looks to me like you've got

a lucky pocket.

Ooh.

A lucky pocket.

So what, uh,

you're even now?

Yeah.

(clearing throat)

And it feels good.

Yeah.

Being even is cool.

Mm.

But bein' up

is even cooler.

Oh, sh*t!

Are we really goin' back

into my lucky pocket?

Startin' to feel like it!

It is startin'

to feel like it!

Oh sh*t.

- I'm really doin' it!

- Yeah, you really are doin' it!

Shh, shh.

Uh hey, just a quick note

from the c*ck,

um, looks like a lot

of troubling weather

and turbulence

up ahead.

But don't worry,

it's I-- I see it.

Don't do it.

Don't you do it,

don't you turn

this plane around!

He's f*ck' doin' it!

So my husband Brady

is the internet's

favourite dumb a*s.

I'm gonna straight up

throw this chair at him

when he's in the shower.

Prank Wife!

Brady: Oof!

(coughing and groaning)

Oh, I got his ba*ls.

(laughing)

Prank Wife!

(Heather laughing)

Poor thing.

(snoring)

Dean,

let's do the Conair thing.

- Yes, guy!

- So what's the plan,

what's your g*n?

- I got cheesecake

right here.

Is it in a box,

or is it all loose?

Well, a bag's

as good as a box?

So it's loose.

Yeah, I brought loose

cheese cake.

How many times

do I gotta say it?

- What are we doin', here?

- Doesn't matter.

I want you to grab

a clump of that sh*t,

stick it up

to the pilot's face,

and make him

turn this plane around.

Let's f*ck' do it!

Okay, got it!

Okay, so my bookie's at a

casting session

- for a dog food commercial.

- Buddy gets around.

Pfft, I'll say.

Says it's between

a Chihuahua named Charlie,

and a mutt named Sweats.

Says they always bring

a mutt in at the call backs,

just to show that they're

open minded or something,

but they never actually

pick the mutt.

Sounds like

an easy bet to me.

Right?

So, the Chihuahua?

What do you think, 50?

Nah, we've already done 50.

A hundred?

Go big or go home, bro.

Oh, I'm really

gonna do this.

Lucky pocket, bro!

A hundred thousand

on Charlie the Chihuahua.

(chuckling)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Turn this plane around,

and take us to Winnipeg,

or this pilot gets it!

Chickadee?

'Sup.

Just chill,

be cool, man, be cool.

Just don't do anything

that you're gonna regret.

We need to be in Winnipeg

half an hour ago

for the damn milkshakes!

Now turn this

old a*s plane around!

Okay, okay, okay!

- Turn it around.

- (engine puttering)

Chickadee:

sh*t!

- Uh

- Pilot: Ah!

It says we're out of gas?

Oh sh*t!

Paul: I don't feel us

landing!

It uh, it looks like

the safest spot to land

would be

Grouse Lake.

Paul: What?!

Did he just say

Grouse Lake?!

(groaning)

I can't believe this!

(phone chiming)

It's Leon!

He sent a voice memo.

Milkshakes sold out,

fat necks!

I'll be dreamin'

about you losers

while I'm nappin'

in some prime bush.

It's

Over.

It's never over, bro.

We got our own barrel!

Let's go to

the North Store,

we'll get a buttload

of canola oil,

and we'll fry this

in the yard.

You wanna deep fry

that old, dirty,

loose cheesecake?

Bag and all.

You want some deep fried

backpack?

For honestly?

Yeah, man.

As it turns out,

we never needed

to go anywhere.

The fry barrel

was in us the whole time.

Paul: That's beautiful.

Dean: Yeah!

Brady: Hey, sorry

I fell asleep on you there.

How was your flight?

Good, actually.

I didn't think

about work once.

Are we in Winnipeg?!

No, we're almost back

in Grouse Lake.

Did I sleep through

the whole trip?

It's a long story.

Hey, I didn't talk

in my sleep, did I?

Sometimes I do that.

No, you didn't say a word.

Ah, phew!

(phone chiming)

f*ck!

Deedee bought a new horse!

(phone buzzing)

Hello?

Sweats!

What?

They went with

the f*cking mutt.

They never go

with the f*cking mutt!

(sobbing) They never go with

the f*cking mutt!

I'll just go ahead

and land this thing.

(Pilot sobbing)

Chickadee: Yeah, land-h*,

b*tches!

That was so sick, man!

Thanks for letting me

take the wheel.

My life is over.

Between my wife and

my dog bookie,

sh*t, I'm a dead man.

Hey, man.

Here's what you're gonna do:

You're gonna gas up

this tin can,

you're gonna fly

as north as you can,

and don't turn back.

You're a ghost now, bro.

My YouTube channel

has proven to be

too much of a challenge

for my marriage,

so after some

couples therapy,

I've taken a long, hard look

at what's important to me,

and that's my husband.

I love him,

and I have to stop

terrorizing him.

Just kidding. (laughing)

(animal squeaking)

Totally gonna throw

this ferret

at him when he's in the shower.

(ferret chattering, snarling)

Brady: Ah, a ferret!

(shrieking)

Prank Wife!

Brady: I thought we

were gonna work this out!

Well, are you gonna get it

outta here?!

What the f*ck?!

Ah! I want a divorce!

("Close As She Wants Me"

by Pima Express plays)

Yes I can love you baby

All night long

I could give you everything

That you want

Just look into my eyes

And you can see my love

Yes I can love you baby