03x04 - The Argentine

[bunniefuu]

(HINGES SQUEAL)

(MELANCHOLY AMBIENT MUSIC)

Just extraordinary.

The fried corn ones

are not bad, but these?

Perfection!

Yes, it is from Argentina.

My mother's own recipe.

(CHUCKLES) Well, you have the touch.

You have to make it with corazon. Heart.

- (LAUGHS)

- (WOMAN SIGHS)

I knew I should have ordered online.

Could you hurry up, por

favor? I'm in el rusho here.

What can I get you, mister?

Please, call me Kenny.

I can't quite decide between

the beef and the corn.

f*ck me, it's like waiting

for the next ice age!

I'm almost done, young lady.

I'll have three of the beef

or, um, what would you recommend?

They are all excellent.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God, could you two get a room?

Seriously, could you wrinklies

stop batting your crepe-y

eyelids at each other?

Some of us have our actual

lives we want to live here.

- Out of my shop!

- (SCOFFS) What?

Not going to serve you.

You cannot kick me out. It is my

human right to get an empanada.

You are very rude. You

don't deserve my food.

Well, I have a condition

that says I need to eat

every three to four hours.

That is not a condition,

that is a normal appetite.

- Get out of my shop!

- (SCOFFS)

Fine.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)

Could I get a couple of

the chorizo ones to go?

No!

You're going down, beeyatch!

- (KENNY LAUGHS)

- (DINERS CHEER)

KENNY: Bravo! (LAUGHS)

Bravo! Bravo, Bernardita!

- So, what have you got on today?

- Dress rehearsal for our show.

(GASPS) That's exciting!

I forgot your costume.

Yeah.

I'll bring it before recess.

All your good deeds will be seen, Mum.

My good deeds?

Thanks.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Hey.

- Caffeine?

- Yes.

It's unbelievable. He just

blanked me in the street.

I mean, how are we supposed

to effectively co-parent

if he's gonna be this immature?

Mm, I know, right?

Mads? I'm sort of going

through something here.

Sorry, sorry, just trying

to tee up a couple bags.

Anyway, what's the problem?

You're with that professor guy now.

No, I'm not, because we

agreed that it was unethical.

Hot.

- (SQUEALS) Hi, darling!

- Ah!

Hi, hot mamma.

- Stop it.

- (BOTH LAUGH)

Teen mum. Hi.

Olympia.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, sweetie.

(SIGHS) Look at us. Yummy mummies.

(LAUGHS)

Is it too early for a mimosa?

It's 9:15. On Monday.

You're right. We'll

give it half an hour.

(SNORTS)

I am literally gonna die

if I don't get a coffee.

- You guys good?

- Mm-hm.

- Hey, girl.

- Hi.

Hi. Hey, uh, could I

New friend?

Talked her out of a

K-hole in the bathroom

at parent-teacher night.

- How old is she?

- 33?

46? She's fun.

By which you mean ?

She's married to some hedge

fund guy and always has coke.

Mads, she's a human train wreck.

Like I said, she's fun.

Kombucha vodka spritz. Sugar-free.

Mm. Come on, b*tch!

Nah, I'm good. Thanks.

One more for me.

(PLAYFUL STACCATO MUSIC)

(PANTS)

Surprise! It's me!

Your erstwhile favourite person!

I'm trying to do a thing where

I apologise for being a d*ck,

but with visual A*DS.

I get it.

What's wrong?

I'm not going out partying

with Madison anymore.

Cool.

I realise everyone thinks

that I'm way more fun when I'm partying

and everyone really prefers

the new chilled-out Oly,

but I just can't do it anymore.

I'm not sure everyone thinks that.

I mean, I prefer the old Oly.

Are you OK?

Bit thrown by Vince's new thing.

Ayesha? She's lovely.

But you got married and you

didn't want to be with him.

I don't want to talk

about this right now.

I'm having a really shitty day with Mum.

Is she upset about your divorce?

She's upset because I dropped out of uni

and now I am completely broke

and stuck here with her

constantly making suggestions

as to what I should

be doing with my life.

(BALLOON SQUEAKS)

(BALLOON POPS)

(MELANCHOLY AMBIENT MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

Hola, Santi.

- Hola, Santi.

- So, what do we need to do?

We need to move the

drink fridge out the back.

The new one is coming early tomorrow.

OK.

I don't keep track of

her every move, Ita.

But if you want to know, she

blanked me in the street today.

I think Oly's very unhappy.

Well, she has a boyfriend now,

so apparently you don't know

what you're talking about.

A boyfriend? Who?

So, what's wrong with the fridge?

Because apparently, Santi,

your grandmother still thinks

that we're running a food truck

instead of three restaurants.

Sorry I asked.

(TAPS ON GLASS)

Hola, Domcito.

G'day. It too late for a bite?

Oh, well. Can I give you

a hand with something else?

Don't you have a business to run?

Yeah, but I like the vibe here.

It's hands-on, you know?

On the tools, at the coalface.

Maybe you can help us move the fridge?

Yeah, no, I've got a bit of

a dodgy disc, so best not to.

Did you see that Ita's

becoming an internet sensation?

You didn't see it? Watch.

How's this for a review?

"I waited an hour for food

while this Jurassic

crone behind the counter

tried to hook up with some

geezer in a three-piece suit,

then refused me service

because I have a condition."

- What?

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.

And she writes,

"Also my friend found a

dead c*ck in her arepa.

Worst service ever. Zero stars."

Oh, my God! No!

Businesses like ours live

or die by online reviews.

It's only an online troll.

I wouldn't worry about

Ita!

No.

- (FRIDGE CLATTERS)

- Aargh!

(GROANS)

And what did you learn

about at school today?

About planets.

Oh. What's your favourite planet?

- Earth.

- Good choice.

(SWINGS CREAK NEARBY)

What are you doing, J?

(CHILDREN CHAT AND GIGGLE)

- J?

- BOY: Over here. Over here.

Yes! The power of prayer, Mum!

Uh

J, that's not

SANTI ON RECORDING:

Hey, you've reached Santi.

- You know what to do.

- (LINE BEEPS)

Santi, what the heck is

Bernardita teaching Jacinda?

She just prayed to get

a go on the swings.

Can you tell her to cut it out?

Where is Sebastian?

Staying at Dad's this week, Ita.

(VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS BLARE)

Oh, Gabe? I need some

help on the computadora.

- Now?

- Now.

- Can't Santi do it?

- Your brother has a bad back.

I'll do it for 50 bucks.

You'll do it for nothing!

And you'll start doing your own laundry.

OK. Yep, alright.

Or maybe your fake tan

gave you mad cow disease.

Ita, I've got this.

Good boy.

"The c*ck in our restaurant

was you, you skanky cow."

JACINDA: Mama!

Sweetheart, it's OK.

I'm here. You're OK.

I had a bad dream.

Oh, poor thing!

Do you want to talk about it?

I was burning in hell.

Oh, my God, this family!

Ita told you about hell?

- No.

- Wait here.

(DIALLED PHONE RINGS)

SANTI ON RECORDING:

Hey, you've reached Santi.

- You know what to do.

- (LINE BEEPS)

Santi, tell Ita to cut it out.

How many times do I have to say

we are not indoctrinating

our innocent child

with the delusional superstitions

of an indefensible

patriarchal death cult?!

(DISCONNECT TONE BEEPS)

- (LINE BEEPS)

- OLY ON RECORDING: Olympia.

Oly, it's not Ita. It's

Scripture at school.

(LIVELY LATIN MUSIC PLAYS)

I'll look after him.

Can I help you?

Oh, hello.

Um, empanada meal special?

Is Bernardita here today?

Unfortunately, she died.

Oh, my God!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I saw her here just yesterday.

Oh, this is quite a shock.

Um, are you going to order anything?

- Mm? Uh

- No?

- (STAMMERS)

- I'll take this.

- OK?

- OK.

And, um, next?

- Hi, Ms Young.

- Hi, Oly.

Hi. I just had a quick question for you.

Is Jacinda learning Scripture here?

- Half an hour a week, Fridays.

- Right.

Why are you teaching kids

Scripture at a public school?

I know, right? (LAUGHS)

If there really was a god,

she'd sure as hell be

doing a better job than this

running this sh*t-show of a planet.

So, then, why

Parent choice.

You enrolled her in

Scripture instead of Ethics

at the start of the year.

I certainly did not.

Guess her dad did.

(CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC)

(WOMAN CLEARS THROAT)

Are you

Uh, yeah. Sorry.

(GROANS SOFTLY)

As I was saying, we

could get you an MRI,

but based on your work history,

I'm fairly sure it's a herniated disc.

I'm gonna write you a referral

for a CT-guided steroid injection.

That's it?

Heat packs. Take it easy.

And you cannot keep doing

the kind of heavy

labour you've been doing

if you want a life without back pain.

I just moved a fridge.

It's an accumulation over time.

A lot of tradies take

better care of their tools

than they do their bodies.

Keep this up, you'll

need a laminectomy by 27.

Uh, what's that?

Major back surgery.

(CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC CONTINUES)

- Alright. Are you warm enough?

- Yep.

And don't worry.

You don't have to do Scripture

with that mean old nun anymore.

You're gonna do Ethics instead.

It's gonna be really fun.

I kind of liked the animals in the ark.

Mm. Well, the thing is, is

that we're not religious people.

What are we?

We are sort of secular humanists,

if I had to put a label on it.

Ita believes in God.

And Lelo and Tata and Rosa.

Mm-hm, and that's their

choice, and we respect that.

But we don't believe it?

I'm gonna let you make up your own mind

when you're a little bit older.

But what do you think?

Well, I think that organised religion

has caused w*r and misery and

misogyny for thousands of years.

I think it's completely irrational

and I hate them scaring

kids with this hell rubbish.

- That was Grangie.

- Grangie told you about hell?

(SIGHS)

Ita, Ita, come check this out. Come.

(MAN ON VIDEO SHOUTS)

Give me all your money!

I don't understand what he's doing.

It's, like, people, they

do pranks and film them.

- ITA: Young people want

- (MURMURS INDISTINCTLY)

(READS) " was you, you skanky cow."

Bernardita!

Mum, chill. I don't know

what you're talking about.

(CHILDREN CHAT AND LAUGH)

Good morning, everyone, and

welcome to the KY assembly.

We are especially delighted

to have Principal Whelan

How did it come up?

She just asked if it's true

pets can't go to heaven

like the lady at school said.

So, what did you say?

I said, "There's no such

thing as heaven or hell."

And then she asked, "What's hell?"

Yeah. I said it's supposed

to be people burning forever.

And I also said that

hell is other people,

which is why I like staying at home.

- What?

- Shh.

OK, so would you please welcome KY class

for their musical performance.

(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

MS YOUNG: OK, ready?

(CHEERFUL PIANO TUNE PLAYS)

MS YOUNG: Hop, hop!

MS YOUNG: Spin. Go.

(WHISPERS) What's wrong with you?

(QUIETLY) I've f*cked my back.

MS YOUNG: Arms up, big smiles.

(QUIETLY) Just so you know,

she's not doing your Catholic

brainwashing sessions anymore.

Big stretches up. Hop, hop.

(QUIETLY) They're not

brainwashing sessions.

It's part of Ita's culture. Our culture.

I know. That's why I let her christen J.

I did Scripture.

Seb and Gabe did it too.

It's important to Ita.

So important that

you'd go behind my back?

I'm sorry I went behind your back,

but maybe if you weren't so stubborn,

I wouldn't have had to, OK?

WOMAN: Shh! Quiet!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WOMAN TALKS INDISTINCTLY, LAUGHS)

Hey, Ol!

Hey, sorry.

- Skye.

- Hi.

What are you doing?

Teaching Ethics.

Oh. You're not an obvious fit.

Oh, they needed a

volunteer for kindergarten,

and, just quietly,

I'm not letting these whack-jobs

anywhere near my kids.

Mm.

Do you mind if I come watch?

Sure!

Even more quietly, I

am criminally hungover,

so things could get a bit loose.

(LAUGHS)

Do you think it's right for Emma the emu

to get back at Eddie the emu

for stealing her favourite stone?

Yes.

What if Eddie cuddled another emu

that wasn't Emma?

Oh, no, I'm just

No, I'm just kidding.

Eddie didn't do

No, Eddie said that he was sorry,

so do you still think that's OK now?

- Yes!

- No, it's not!

You're an idiot.

Ooh, Arlo, remember,

respectful disagreements.

- You're gonna burn in hell.

- (ARLO AND OLY GASP)

Whoa, OK. Um

What about instead of

getting back at him,

we think about a good way

for Emma to tell Eddie how she feels?

Talk to him?

Very good. And why might she do that?

So Eddie knows why she's sad.

Yeah.

What happens when we die?

My grandma's sick.

Oh, that's all yours. It's yours.

Uh

I guess when we die,

the people that we love will

remember us and they'll miss us.

(SIGHS) The book of Keanu.

So, Arlo, you need to make the

most of the time that you have

with your grandma

and forgive her because she loves you

and you love her,

so even if she's done the wrong thing,

that's what really counts.

My grandma didn't do the wrong thing!

Oh, no, of course not.

What I mean is is that love and honesty,

here and now, is what's important.

Don't wait for another life.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Ooh, right, recess.

Thank God.

Out! (LAUGHS)

Ooh, little f*ck are

like raptors testing a fence.

(SIGHS) Ah.

Two cappuccinos, one

flat white, cream and

Alejandro! Alejandro!

Hey, old man. Ready to go to the physio?

Ha-ha, very funny.

Thank you.

What are you drawing?

- Oh, just scribbling.

- Oh, come on, show me.

Cute!

Did you do art in school?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, it was my

favourite subject, actually.

I was obsessed with drama.

In all the school musicals.

I totally thought I'd

be a Broadway star.

But then I left school

and got real pretty quick.

I sold a few of these paintings.

Oh.

Cute!

It's just drawings.

I'm still working on it.

Working on what, exactly?

I'm just teasing you.

Oh. Yeah, I know.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hola, Rosa.

- What?!

- What is it?

SANTI: Just here.

- I'll go get a park.

- No.

Thanks.

I'm sorry. You should go home.

Good luck.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES)