ALICE:
Hello, little girl.
Would you like a scotchie?
Oh...
Such a sweet little girl.
(FIRE CRACKLING IN BACKGROUND)
It's okay, pumpkin.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
NURSE:
Come on, Alice.
We need to get you
back to your room.
(ALICE CHUCKLES)
Why did she call me a girl?
It's okay. She's old.
Probably confused.
But I'm not a girl.
TARA:
I know you're not.
You're also not a pumpkin,
but I still call you one.
(SIGHS)
TARA:
You did it?
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
It's gonna be okay.
I know. I know.
Can I see Grandpa now?
Yeah.
Yeah, buddy.
Uh, why don't you,
why don't you go in?
MAN 1: (ON TV)
Santa Claus,
you're coming with us.
MAN 2: (ON TV)
No, you can't take him now.
It's too near Christmas.
Quiet, you.
MAN 2:
But--
MAN 1: (ON TV)
We don't want to hurt you,
Santa Claus,
so come along quietly.
SANTA CLAUS: (ON TV)
Why?
Why did you have to do that
to my helper?
MAN 1: (ON TV)
It's harmless.
It'll wear off in a short while.
YOUNG BILLY:
Grandpa?
SANTA CLAUS: (ON TV)
Well, why didn't you say so
in the first place?
MAN 1 (ON TV):
Now you come with us.
We need you on Mars.
YOUNG BILLY:
Grandpa?
MAN 3: (ON TV)
Are you sure this is Mars?
WOMAN 1: (ON TV)
Oh...
I never saw
such lazy people,
standing around like statues.
YOUNG BILLY:
Grandpa?
WOMAN 1: (ON TV)
Well?
MAN 3: (ON TV)
Earthlings Billy and Betty.
Billy.
Come here, little boy.
You've gotten so big.
MAN 3: (ON TV)
There's someone else, too.
What have you been eating?
Rocks?
No, hamburgers.
Do you like pickles
on your hamburgers?
I love pickles
on my hamburgers.
Pickles and-- and sauerkraut.
Blegh!
Welcome, Santa Claus.
We hope you'll make
the children on Mars very happy.
I'll try, dear lady.
I'll try.
Have you been a good boy?
Good--
Good boys get good things.
What happens to boys
who aren't good?
Naughty boys get punished.
Santa is always watching.
(COUGHING)
Santa says I gotta fatten up.
Billy, water.
(COUGHING)
Now I'm Santa Claus.
GRANDPA:
Water.
(GRANDPA COUGHING)
(RETCHES)
MAN 3: (ON TV)
h*, h*, h*.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
(SCREAMS)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(CAR WHOOSHES)
GEOFF:
I mean, how was I supposed
to know
it was going to happen
like that?
TARA:
How many did he have?
Two, three, I--
Was it two or three?
I don't remember, okay?
He must've reacted badly
with those other meds
he had been taking. sh*t.
But he signed everything, right?
Yeah.
Is Grandpa gonna be okay?
No, buddy.
Grandpa's dead.
TARA:
Geoffrey.
GEOFF:
What, do you want me
to lie to him?
Yeah, a little tact
would be nice.
So Grandpa's in heaven?
Oh. Yes, pumpkin, he is.
GEOFF:
Come on, what are we
waiting for?
(CAR BANGS)
Son of a b*tch.
Did he just hit us?
Yeah!
That's great.
As if this night
couldn't get any worse.
Merry Christmas, Chapman family.
I'll look for the insurance.
(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
GEOFF:
Great, yeah.
(KNOCKING THE WINDOW)
Hey, pal.
Look, I don't know
what happened,
but clearly you hit me with...
(g*nsh*t)
Geoffrey!
Billy, get down!
-(g*nsh*t)
-(SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
CHARLIE:
Go back to bed, Billy.
MAN 1: (ON TV)
Santa Claus,
you're coming with us.
MAN 2: (ON TV)
No, you can't take him now.
It's too near Christmas.
MAN 3: (ON TV)
Quiet, you!
MAN 2: (ON TV)
But...
(g*nshots ON TV)
MAN 1: (ON TV)
We don't want to hurt you,
Santa Claus,
so come along quietly.
CHARLIE:
Come on, kid.
Do what you've got to do,
and then let's get out of here.
This isn't our room.
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
So blue at Christmas
PATROLMAN:
Yo, Harold, you in there?
TALL MAN:
I'll uh, go talk to the manager
and see if he got a room.
CHARLIE:
I'm getting one
of those feelings.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
TARA:
Billy, get down!
(g*nsh*t)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
TARA:
Hey!
(GROANS)
(g*nsh*t)
(PANTING)
(SIGHS)
(SNIFFLES)
CHARLIE:
I could use some coffee.
Yeah.
Yeah, me too.
CHARLIE:
Sure you don't want
to look around?
No.
CHARLIE:
Small towns have
a lot of secrets.
Good morning.
Coffee?
Uh, yeah.
Yes, please.
Um, where are we?
Thunderbird.
No, no, no. The, uh--
What town?
DANA:
Hackett.
CHARLIE:
Hackett?
I like the sound of that.
I'll give you a minute.
(DOOR OPENS IN BACKGROUND)
CHARLIE:
You may be right.
I'm not seeing anyone.
Hey, Dana.
My typ order.
Thanks.
See you later.
CHARLIE:
Her?
Hmm.
I'm not seeing it.
DANA:
See something you like?
Oh.
Word of advice,
careful with that one.
Sugar-coated onion,
if you know what I mean.
What's her um,
what's her name?
Pammy.
Pamela.
I call her, "Pammy."
She hates it.
(CHUCKLES)
CHARLIE:
You're right, we should go.
BILLY:
Shut up.
Sorry, not you, not...
Sorry.
CHARLIE:
Don't even think about it.
It's not your decision.
CHARLIE:
You know this never ends well.
What's that supposed to mean?
CHARLIE:
You know exactly what it means.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
CHARLIE:
Oh, f*ck.
(DOOR OPENS & BELL CHIMES)
CHARLIE:
I am not doing this again.
Good.
Do this by myself.
Looking for something?
BILLY:
Uh, yes.
I mean, no.
I'm looking around.
You're the guy from the diner
who was staring at my a*s.
No. To be fair,
I was looking in your hands.
That's even weirder.
I'm just...
(CLEARS THROAT)
Just looking for a gift.
For who?
For my dad.
PAMELA:
Crystal unicorn and earrings.
Fabulous.
Sorry.
(PHONE RINGING)
(DOOR OPENS & SHUTS)
f*ck.
f*cked it up.
CHARLIE:
For the best.
f*cked it up.
MR. SIMS:
So you're new in town.
You plan on staying
in Hackett for a while?
Yeah, yeah, a little,
little while, yeah.
CHARLIE:
Not too long, I hope.
And you said you have
experience in a stockroom?
Yeah, yes, uh, two--
two different grocery stores,
it should be.
Oh, uh.
Hell, I don't even know why
I bother with all this stuff.
I can't stand paperwork.
Look, you seem like
a nice kid.
You don't have any tattoos
on your face or anything.
And most important, you seem
like you want the job.
Yeah.
Right now, it's just my daughter
and I here,
and the holidays are a b*tch.
Pardon my French.
CHARLIE:
If he only knew.
Um, Pam, Pam,
Pamela's your daughter?
Yeah.
You've met?
Oh, just, uh, just briefly.
We were--
I was shopping upstairs
and sorta chatted.
Like, together?
BILLY:
Uh, talked together, yeah.
I'm a very protective father,
Billy.
Gotcha. (LAUGHS)
I'm kidding around.
When can you start?
When do you need me?
REBECCA:
Dean spoke fondly of you,
said to fix you up
with my best room.
Yeah, he's a nice guy.
He just gave me a job.
You know, we dated for a while
back in '82 before he met Ida.
Yeah.
He's the one that got away.
To be honest,
I was a bit of a sl*t back then,
so it's no surprise
he chose her.
Anyways, when you find
that special someone,
don't let 'em go.
There we are, room six.
BILLY:
Holy sh*t.
It's very, very nice.
If, uh, if that toilet
keeps running,
jiggle the flusher.
Oh, and uh, if you have
any other problems,
knock three times on the pipe.
I live right below.
I'm terrible with my mobile.
It's very nice.
Thank you.
(DOOR SHUTS)
(BILLY GRUNTS)
CHARLIE:
What is wrong with this town?
Everyone is so nice.
It's refreshing.
I think staying here
is a good idea.
CHARLIE:
How long?
I don't know.
CHARLIE:
Just don't forget who you are
and what you do.
Christmas is a feeling
everybody knows
Brings back
an old man's childhood
Making angels in the snow
-PAMELA: Hey, new guy?
-BILLY: Yeah.
I need a pre-lit tree,
a box of ornaments,
and an angel, stat.
CHARLIE:
Well, get to it.
(BILLY GRUNTS)
Anything else?
Uh, where's the angel?
Yeah.
What?
Why does the angel
have to go at the top?
Why can't it go like,
anywhere else, like...
...here?
And that looks good to you?
Hmm.
Yeah, I didn't think so,
new guy.
Do this, please.
It's uh, it's Billy.
Billy?
Okay.
Can I call you, "Bill"?
I just feel like I'm talking
to a 5-year-old
when I say Billy.
Sure, yeah, whatever you say...
...Pammy.
(CHUCKLES)
PAMELA:
Okay, you win.
Billy, it is.
CHARLIE:
Jesus, here we go again.
BILLY:
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
I was just wondering if uh,
would you wanna go for
like coffee with me sometime?
Those are the questions
I prefer to ask.
Unless you're a serial k*ller.
I'm a True Crime junkie,
and I would have
so many questions.
Oh.
Yeah, no.
Bummer.
CHARLIE:
She's kind of a weirdo.
Shut up.
(PHONE RINGING)
PAMELA:
Uh, this f*cking guy
won't leave me alone.
(GASPS)
(ORNAMENT SHATTERS)
f*cking...
You're such a m*therf*cking
stupid piece of sh*t.
f*cking c**t!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
PAMELA:
It's fine. I just...
BILLY:
Hey, I got you.
Just keep doing
what you're doing.
I'll grab a broom.
(CHUCKLES)
Holy sh*t.
CHARLIE:
I'm getting one
of those feelings.
Keep your eyes open.
(PAMELA AND GEORGE LAUGHING)
GEORGE:
Yeah, the shop is
looking beautiful.
You ready for Christmas?
George.
And I have to tell you
something.
If I was 35 years younger,
I'd be all over you.
(PAMELA AND GEORGE LAUGH)
PAMELA:
George.
CHARLIE:
Him. Tonight.
We do him tonight.
PAMELA:
Billy.
Billy.
-Are you okay?
-BILLY: Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
You okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm really embarrassed.
Um, I snap sometimes.
My dad calls it, "EPD,"
expl*sive personality disorder.
Who's that guy?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
PAMELA:
Oh, that's George Vilmo.
He's a sweetheart.
He helps at the store sometimes.
I uh, I think
he's a little lonely.
GEORGE:
I gotta tell you, Dean,
it's the highlight of my holiday
season every year. Honestly.
MR. SIMS:
Hey, we need to eat.
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(WATER RUNNING)
Naughty.
What a night of cheer
this is
How grand it is
to feel so merry
Life is very g*y when people
catch the Christmas fever
On the warmest
winter evening
On the warmest winter
evening of
Evening of the year
CHARLIE:
Three more days.
(TARA SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
(GASPS)
(PANTING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(SIGHS)
She's amazing, isn't she?
She has a real knack
for this sort of thing.
She's very lucky.
What do you mean?
Well, I mean,
I know I look great, son,
but I'm not gonna be
around forever.
(CHUCKLES)
One day,
all of this will be hers.
Carry on.
BILLY:
Uh, hey, Agnes.
It's me uh, Billy.
I'm just calling.
It seems we're low on
the woodwicked candles, uh,
the Christmas forest kind.
So if you could send
another box.
PO is 313.
Thanks.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Uh, my sister got called
into work,
so I'm gonna take my nephew
to hockey practice.
You wanna come?
What about the shop?
My dad's gonna be here.
Okay.
-Okay. Yeah.
-Do you wanna go? Yeah?
Okay, let's go.
BILLY:
So your sister, she doesn't
work at the store ever?
No.
It being named after my mom,
it just-- it isn't her thing.
(INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER)
My uh, my mom died
when we were little.
She had a seizure
while she was driving.
Pow.
I'm sorry.
I just think it hurts her
too much to be there.
Pam, Billy, look at this.
Oh, f*ck yes.
(PAMELA CHUCKLES)
You're okay with it, right?
The shop and everything?
I mean, I'm the heiress.
(LAUGHS)
It's what my dad wants and uh,
I know it'll make him happy,
so...
What about you?
Kinda been drifting
my whole life,
since I was eight years old.
(SIGHS) Yeah, I don't know.
I guess, I think I'm kinda
just ready to settle down,
you know?
Nice house, cute little wife,
couple kids, minivan?
Yeah, why not?
DELPHINE:
Bowden, tighten up.
You're playing
like f*cking garbage.
Lazy f*ck.
CHARLIE:
Her.
Not right now.
CHARLIE:
Yes, now. Her.
I'm not in the mood.
CHARLIE:
I don't care. Look at her.
Pink coat.
She has a kid.
CHARLIE:
Yeah, by the looks of it,
you'd be doing him a favor.
PAMELA:
You know Delphine?
-Hm?
-Delphine Anderson?
Pink coat lady.
Oh, no.
No, I don't.
No.
Seems like you want to.
I-- I can introduce you.
Oh, that's okay.
-That's--
-PAMELA: Delphine!
CHARLIE:
Hm, this will be interesting.
Hey, Pam.
PAMELA:
Hey, Del.
I uh, wanna introduce
you to Billy.
He's the new hire at the store.
DELPHINE:
I see.
Pleased to meet you.
Uh, I'll be right back.
It's okay.
I know what you're thinking.
(KIDS LAUGH)
Hey!
LAUGHING KID:
Yo, Tommy.
Tommy, yo, Tommy.
Tommy man.
Stop, stop.
(GRUNTS)
Excuse me.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
LAUGHING KID:
Stop it.
(GRUNTS)
PAMELA:
Liam? Liam, what happened?
They said my stick was for girls
because it was pink
and they said only f*gs
wear figure skates.
Then they pushed me
and said the Snatcher
would get me, because
the Snatcher looks girly.
God, f*ck.
I'm sorry.
COACH:
Hey, hey, hey! What the hell?
Where were you?
They jumped him
and called him, a "f*g."
They're boys.
They're messing around.
Messing--
Oh, they're messing around?
-Mess around with me,
m*therf*cker.
-Hey, hey.
How about that? Let's go.
I will f*ck you up!
Get this b*tch out of my barn.
Oh, I'm a b*tch?
I'll burn your f*cking
house down!
BILLY:
You got any nines?
LIAM:
Go fish.
BILLY:
Is your auntie always like this?
Not always.
Only when she gets mad.
She has always been
a little bit of a pipe b*mb.
(CHUCKLES)
Sometimes it seems like
there's another person
inside of her.
Who's the Snatcher?
He steals kids.
Liam, there is no Snatcher.
It's just a-- a kind of
an urban legend around here.
Though recently it has felt
a little too close to home.
Couple towns in the county
have had some kids go missing.
But thankfully, yeah, Hackett
hasn't made it up on that wall.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR SHUTS)
Max.
Hey, Pammy.
What are you doing here?
Well, you know the guys
at the station
uh, we-- we stay in touch so...
They called me and, uh,
got here as soon as I could.
So, um, still doing
this kinda stuff?
Yep.
Beating up kids now?
They deserved it.
Okay, well, uh,
you're free to go.
What do you mean?
You can go.
So you did your cop thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, I did my cop thing.
You're welcome.
Lucky for you the, uh,
parents aren't pressing charges.
Said if the boys did
what you say they did,
then they deserved it, so...
Thank God, there's still
good parenting out there, huh?
Got it.
Look at me.
You're not answering
any of my--
You punched me in the face.
You know I didn't mean to.
PAMELA:
It's over.
You don't get a second chance.
Get over it, Max.
(SNIFFS)
MAX:
I miss you.
(DOOR OPENS)
-LIAM: An hour away.
-BILLY: Oh, wow.
-MR. SIMS: The Whiteshell?
-LIAM: Yeah.
-MR. SIMS: Yeah, the Whiteshell.
-LIAM: The Whiteshell.
MR. SIMS:
I like going to West Hawk.
LIAM:
Oh.
Tell him about his...
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Jesus, sweetheart.
Oh, what the hell
were you thinking?
I'm fine, Dad.
Thanks for asking.
MR. SIMS:
I'm sorry.
CHARLIE:
Billy...
I'm getting one
of those feelings.
Not now.
CHARLIE:
Just keep your eyes open.
PAMELA:
Hi.
Me and Billy played cards
and I won.
Wow.
(CHUCKLES)
Lucky you.
(CHUCKLES)
MR. SIMS:
So, did I hear ice cream?
LIAM:
Yeah.
I heard ice cream, too.
We should get ice cream.
PAMELA:
Ice cream. (CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
-I really think--
-BILLY: I wanted to--
-Sorry, you go.
-No, uh...
Thank you very much
for everything today.
Sometimes I feel like that,
um, the anger--
The EPD?
Yes.
I-- I feel like it's an escape.
Like it's the only thing
I have control over.
And I know that that probably
sounds psychotic.
No.
(PAMELA SIGHS)
Am I a bad person?
No.
No, I can-- can tell you
right now
that you are definitely
not a bad person.
I almost bit a kid's nose off
in third grade.
You see?
That's what I'm saying.
I know I'm a bad person.
Just doing a bad thing
is different
than being a bad person.
Good people do bad things.
CHARLIE:
I, uh, hate to break up
the love fest here,
but we gotta get going.
(INHALES)
PAMELA:
Okay. Your turn.
Mine's not as mushy as yours.
Mushy?
No.
That was not mushy.
Bad person is different
-than doing a bad thing.
-BILLY: A little mushy, though.
Is that what you just said?
That's mushy.
(PAMELA LAUGHS)
PAMELA:
No.
I hate mushy, so lay it on me.
Okay, here it goes.
Can I borrow your car?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Wow.
Yeah, you're right.
That wasn't mushy.
That was tacky as f*ck.
Yeah, it was tacky.
You don't have to give me the--
No, it's fine.
Go for it.
You know, I'm gonna figure out
what's going on in there.
I'm gonna do it.
(PAMELA CHUCKLES)
So what's up?
You got a hot date
with Delphine?
Oh, yeah.
You, uh-- You have no idea.
(CAR WHOOSHES)
BILLY:
How far is this place?
CHARLIE:
Just keep on this road.
We're getting warmer.
(SIGHS)
I've been driving for,
like, an hour.
So let us have
a very merry Christmas
Good love and joy
and good wishes
BILLY:
What is going on here?
CHARLIE:
Yeah. Let's scope it out first.
A very merry Christmas
You packing, Santa?
You're good to go.
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
IN DISTANCE)
Santa is my b*tch
And I tell him
where the party at
I'm gonna get my wish
When I'm sitting
on your daddy a*s
I do what I want
So then f*ck getting famous
Jingle on your boots
So I'm m*therf*cking famous
CHARLIE:
This I did not expect.
Let's just find her
and get this over with.
CHARLIE:
Agreed.
We are pilgrims in
an unholy land.
DELPHINE:
Hello?
Hello, everyone.
First off, I wanna thank you all
for coming out tonight.
This is the third annual
I'm Dreaming of
a White Power Christmas party.
(CHEERING)
I know, right?
Heil!
Heil!
DELPHINE:
Tonight is the night
where we get to show
our true colors,
who we really are inside.
Something the world
makes us hide.
makes us feel shame.
We shouldn't have to feel shame
for what we believe,
for wanting a better America
for our children.
No, tonight we remind ourselves
that Christmas is still
a white Christian holiday
that no one can take away
from us.
So, grab a drink,
make out with someone
under the mistletoe,
and have some f*cking fun.
Heil!
CHARLIE:
Okay. So, what are we thinking?
Stakeout?
Wait for her to use the john?
No.
We k*ll 'em all.
CHARLIE:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
Let's talk about this.
Nothing to talk about.
CHARLIE:
For Christ's sake,
at least get a g*n.
g*ns are for pussies.
Hey, Santa,
you want me to check that out--
(GRUNTS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
So exciting to know
he's near
Can hardly wait,
he's almost here
Sleigh rider,
he's looking for you
(SCREAMING)
Sleigh rider,
what you gonna do?
Sleigh rider,
he's got a surprise
Tomorrow comes
You won't believe your eyes
(SCREAMING)
These bells, they say jingle
and sway
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
And a sound
Of a sleigh rider,
he's looking for you
Sleigh rider,
what you gonna do?
Sleigh rider,
he's got a surprise
(GRUNTS)
What the sh*t?
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
(g*n CLICKS)
Oh, he's a sleigh rider,
he's looking for you
(g*nshots)
Sleigh rider,
what you gonna do?
Sleigh rider,
he's got a surprise
Tomorrow comes
You won't believe your eyes
Oh, sh*t.
God.
CHARLIE:
Don't worry, kid.
(GRUNTS)
CHARLIE:
I know where she's going.
(QUAD BIKE WHIRRING)
Punish.
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
f*ck.
Oh, f*ck!
(TAKES DEEP BREATHS)
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
(SCREAMS)
CHARLIE:
We almost died tonight.
Yeah, but we didn't.
CHARLIE:
It was reckless. Stupid.
You wanted me to keep going?
CHARLIE:
Yeah, with a g*n.
I'm sorry, I have principles.
CHARLIE:
Principles, my a*s.
That was about control.
You just wanted
to do it your way.
Yeah, fine.
Maybe you're right.
CHARLIE:
Uh, look...
just don't wanna see
you get k*lled.
Oh, f*ck!
Oh, f*ck.
CHARLIE:
Hmm, good luck with that one.
Okay, good choice.
Okay.
Merry Christmas and take care.
Sorry, I'm late.
Oh, thank God you're here.
What happened to your face?
What?
Your f--
You know what?
It's none of my business.
Uh, I'm sorry.
I have a bit of a problem.
What's up?
Santa didn't show.
George was supposed
to be here like an hour ago,
and I've called him,
and I've called him.
I even asked Claire from the
bakery to go down to his house,
-and there's no answer there.
-Sorry, this, um George...
George, the guy
that you were talking to
the other day?
George Vilmo. He does Santa
for us every year.
Could your dad do it?
No. Not gonna happen.
Not since the pooping incident.
Pooping incident?
Can you do it?
I would appreciate it greatly,
son.
CHARLIE:
No. Tell her no.
I know it's not your job,
but it would mean a lot,
especially to me.
CHARLIE:
Billy, you put that suit on
head to toe,
you're gonna lose control.
Where's the suit?
Oh, thank you, Billy.
Okay, it's in the back office.
Do you, uh, do you know
what you're doing?
I assume you've never been
Santa before.
(CHUCKLES)
Uh...
CHARLIE:
What are you doing?
I got this.
CHARLIE:
This is more powerful
than you know.
Trust me,
I have been here before.
I'm not you.
Okay, who's excited
to meet Santa?
(KIDS CHEERING)
CHARLIE:
Jesus, this is gonna be bad.
BILLY:
Ah! That's it.
Okay, Celia,
look over here, baby.
Smile.
Ooh.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
CHARLIE:
Billy, listen to me.
You're not going to k*ll
this little girl.
You hear me?
That's not what Billy would do.
Billy, Billy.
I need you to forget
what you are.
Forget what you do.
Do exactly what I say, okay?
Just follow me, buddy.
Follow me.
Hello, little girl.
What's your name?
BILLY:
So, what's your name?
Celia.
CHARLIE:
What a pretty name.
Tell me, Celia,
have you been a good girl
this year?
BILLY:
You been a good girl
this year, Celia?
Yes, well, except this one time.
I was mad at my mom,
and I throw a banana at her,
but I said sorry.
CHARLIE:
Oh, I am so happy to hear that.
Is there something special
you'd like for Christmas?
A pink skateboard.
CHARLIE:
Oh, boy. You're a skater?
Yeah.
BILLY:
And, uh,
what about we get you
a helmet,
so you don't dent
that noggin of yours?
A pink one?
CHARLIE:
A pink one.
BILLY:
Merry Christmas.
CHARLIE:
Uh, you got it from here, kid.
You can do this.
MR. SIMS:
He's pretty good.
Yeah, he's um...
-Yeah, nice, you know.
-Mmhmm.
(CHUCKLES)
Santa, what happened
to your face?
Oh, um, Rudolph got
a little frisky last night.
MR. SIMS:
He's so sweet.
I remember taking you to Santa.
(CHUCKLES)
CHARLIE:
Kid...
I'm getting one
of those feelings again.
BILLY:
Not now, Charlie.
CHARLIE:
I know, I know. I just--
BILLY:
I said not f*cking now.
CHARLIE:
Just scan the crowd quick.
So what do you want
for Christmas, bud?
A bike.
Thank you.
CHARLIE:
Sure.
What?
What's wrong?
CHARLIE:
Do I need to remind you
what we do again?
I'm aware.
CHARLIE:
And what happens if we don't?
Say it.
I don't wanna say it.
CHARLIE:
Let's say it together then.
I don't wanna say it together.
CHARLIE:
Fine, then I'll say it.
Someone else dies,
and we don't get to choose.
You wanna talk about control,
bub?
Who would you rather it be?
A n*zi or a nine-year-old girl?
A k*ller or a mom with a--
Yeah, I get it.
I f*cking get it.
CHARLIE:
I don't think you do.
Now's not the time to break
a perfect
10 year k*lling streak.
(BOXES CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)
CHARLIE:
You hear what I said?
Shh.
Hello?
Hello?
Wait, wait.
(LAUGHS)
Wait, wait, wait.
Keep it on.
(CHUCKLES)
(KISSING)
(PAMELA SCREAMS)
(PAMELA LAUGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
I wanna stay with you.
I wanna go where you go.
I made you something.
(PAMELA CHUCKLES)
You like it?
How'd you...
(CHUCKLES)
I learned from the best.
See, the angel can go
anywhere she wants.
That's cheesy as f*ck.
(LAUGHS)
I worked hard on that.
It's beautiful.
Yeah, this is the time
for love and care
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
Dad!
We're here.
Will you put this
in the kitchen, please?
Ugh.
Go, go.
(DOOR CLOSES)
This time of the year
This time
HANNAH:
Ugh, what died in here?
Of the year
HANNAH:
Hey, come help me out in here.
Xavier, will you put
that thing down, please?
(SCREAMS)
(INDISTINCT LYRICS)
(INDISTINCT BACKGROUND CHATTER)
POLICE OFFICER 1:
When was the last time
you saw him?
Uh, just the other day.
He was-- he was-- he was here.
He was-- he was in the store.
PAMELA:
They found George.
MR. SIMS:
We were-- we were talking...
His daughter and grandson,
they--
They found his body.
He was m*rder*d.
And that's not even
the craziest part.
They found Gail, his wife,
rolled up in a rug,
tucked away in a crawl space
in his basement.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
They said he m*rder*d her.
Stabbed her to death.
I talked to him all the time.
I--
He-- he was-- he was so sweet.
I-- I thought I knew him.
POLICE OFFICER 2:
Who's that over there?
PAMELA:
It really makes you wonder.
Uh, that's, uh, that's Billy.
Who else you know who could be--
-MR. SIMS: He's new.
-Hiding something so evil...
MR. SIMS:
He's a good kid.
In plain sight?
POLICE OFFICER 1:
When did you last see Mr. Vilmo?
Let's see.
Uh, started work here
on the 20th, so, uh...
So, yeah, the-- the 20th.
And you spoke with him?
BILLY:
No.
I didn't interact with him.
I just saw him.
Where are you from, Bill?
Bar-- Baraboo, Wisconsin.
POLICE OFFICER 2:
Oh, yeah. Circus Museum.
I got family in Milwaukee.
That's great.
POLICE OFFICER 1:
How long you been in Hackett?
Few days.
Ah.
A few?
Three? Five?
Three.
Ah.
How'd you get that?
What?
The shiner.
Oh, a box.
I work in the stockroom.
Pulled down a box,
it came down and went...
(IMITATES BOX FALLING)
Got me pretty good, so.
I think we're good here, Bill.
Uh, thanks for taking the time.
POLICE OFFICER 1:
Oh, hey.
You happen to know
a Delphine Anderson, do you?
Delphine?
Um, no, no, not--
not off the top of my head.
Hm.
CHARLIE:
The noose is tightening.
They're gonna figure it out.
There are cops everywhere,
and you missed a f*cking day
in the book.
Yeah.
But nothing happened.
CHARLIE:
You saw that new missing child
photo at the store?
Unrelated.
CHARLIE:
You're wrong,
and you know you're wrong.
I hate to break it to you, pal,
but we've got to get out of town
and find someone to k*ll
tonight,
or you're going to miss
another day
and someone who wasn't
supposed to die, will die.
Innocent people die every day,
Charlie.
CHARLIE:
Hm.
What happens when it's
someone you know?
Someone you care about?
And you could've stopped it.
This town is f*cked up,
and I know it--
The whole world is f*cked up,
Charlie,
and I can't do anything
about it.
I didn't want this.
I didn't choose this.
I got a taste
of something different,
something good, something real.
Being Santa for those kids
being with Pam.
That's what I want.
Did you say something?
No.
This episode is f*cked up.
TRUE CRIME NARRATOR:
As newspapers realize
that there's a strangler
on the loose,
the story becomes--
CHARLIE:
What happens when she finds out
what you do?
TRUE CRIME NARRATOR:
There's this entity
committing these crimes...
(SIGHS)
You know what?
f*ck it.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Silent night
(HUMMING)
Holy night
(BANGING)
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon Virgin
Mother and Child
MR. SIMS:
Someone there?
Holy infant so tender
and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
(GASPS)
Jesus!
Oh, my God. Son!
I'll get you out, so don't--
don't-- don't worry.
I'll get you-- I'll get you out.
I'll get you out.
Okay, don't you worry, Tommy.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna call
for help, okay?
I'm gonna get you out,
I'm gonna call for help.
(TOMMY MUMBLES)
I know, son.
-(g*nsh*t)
-(GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERS)
Sleep in heavenly peace
Silent night
Holy night
Son of God
Love's pure light
Radiant beams
From Thy holy face
With the dawn
Of redeeming grace
Jesus Lord, at Thy birth
At Thy birth
Jesus Lord at Thy birth
(SOBBING)
CHARLIE:
Billy, look up. Look up.
PAMELA:
I wish Santa was real.
BILLY:
Why?
So I could get
my Christmas wish.
(SNIFFLES)
I'd only ask for one thing
for the person who did this,
so he could watch me
slowly cut him
into itty-bitty pieces.
Do you trust me?
Why?
CHARLIE:
This is a bad idea.
Um, what if I told you--
CHARLIE:
You tell her,
and you're going to lose her.
What if I told you that--
What if I told you that
I could make your wish
come true?
How?
BILLY:
Who's the Snatcher?
He steals kids.
We got him?
CHARLIE:
I got him.
BILLY:
When I was eight years old,
my parents were m*rder*d
in front of me.
-(g*nsh*t)
-Geoffrey!
BILLY:
By a man dressed
as Santa Clause.
TARA:
Hey!
(GRUNTS)
(g*nsh*t)
Turns out that man
was the janitor
at my grandfather's hospice.
(CHOKES)
BILLY:
I just remember being... scared.
But also mesmerized.
You know, like--
like he was drawing me in.
That's when I felt it.
Charlie's been with me
ever since that day.
CHARLIE:
Wake up, kid.
So-- so you...
You're a serial k*ller?
(CHUCKLES)
I wish it was that easy.
(KIDS SCREAMING)
BILLY:
And nobody wanted to adopt a kid
with an imaginary friend
telling him to k*ll people
at Christmastime.
(SIGHS)
Only at Christmas?
Yeah, the-- the advent calendar,
24 days of Christmas.
I-- I didn't k*ll anyone
until I was 17 years old.
Until Charlie felt
that I was ready.
CHARLIE:
She needs to be punished.
BILLY:
The first person I k*lled
was my last foster mom.
She would drug us.
Breakfast!
BILLY:
And wait for us all
to fall asleep.
Then lock the doors
and go off for the day.
The drugging wasn't
the half of it.
If you broke something
in her perfect house,
the punishment
would be the same.
(BAT THUDS)
It's okay.
BILLY:
And the scariest part was
you never knew
when it was gonna come.
(GRUNTS)
BILLY:
Three died under her watch.
All accidents.
All while she was collecting
thousands from the state.
She had to go.
h*, h*, h* and a-here we go
Up in Santa's sleigh
You wanna f*ck with me,
you little sh*t?
(GRUNTING)
BILLY:
Needless to say,
I-- I-- I wasn't very good
at first,
but I got the job done.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
h*, h*, h* and a-here we go
Get ready for a ride
Charlie wasn't just
an imaginary friend
or a split personality.
He could see...
He could see evil.
Um, and the more I got
to know him,
I found out that he was blessed
with the same curse as me.
So your parents, they--
BILLY:
They were--
They m*rder*d my grandfather.
They poisoned him,
but, before, getting him
to sign over
my father's inheritance.
(CHOKES)
(RETCHES)
Grandpa?
How many people have you k*lled?
A lot.
But they were all bad.
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
Were you good
for Mom and Dad?
Santa knows
if you've been bad
(SCREAMING)
In Santa's bag of toys
Naughty.
But Christmas won't be
fun and games
For naughty girls and boys
(SCREAMING)
Oh, Santa's watching
Santa's waiting
(SCREAMING)
If you do your best
this year
I had to run
for obvious reasons.
But I-- I was never alone.
BILLY:
And Charlie was with me
the whole time.
Hey Billy, it's garbage day.
BILLY:
He taught me how to land jobs
or find places to live.
Just survive.
CHARLIE:
When he asks,
"When can you start?"
always ask,
"When do you need me?"
When can you start?
When do you need me?
(CHUCKLES)
BILLY:
He was like a father.
CHARLIE:
Oh, you're okay.
Just take a little piece
of toilet paper
and stick it to the blood.
BILLY:
But also kinda like a--
He's kinda like a compass.
(DOOR SHUTS)
BILLY:
He needed my eyes
to identify them,
but then he would show me why
they needed to be, um, punished.
-SHOPKEEPER: No!
-Give me the f*cking money!
-(g*nsh*t)
-(BODY THUDS)
(MUFFLED SCREAMS)
(GURGLES)
Naughty.
(SCREAMING)
And you have to dress
like Santa?
BILLY:
It flips a switch.
Helps me slip from Billy
into something else.
What?
The f*ck you want?
Get the f*ck outta here, Santa.
(SCREAMS)
Join the happy old song
Winter time sing along
Jingle bells are jingling
Santa's elves are singing
Won't you come along?
What's keeping you
from k*lling me, Billy?
I told you.
You're a good person.
So... you're crazy.
CHARLIE:
Here we go.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know,
after hearing me say
all that out loud,
yeah,
I'm a little, little crazy.
And yet I'm still here.
He's bringing his reindeer
and sleigh
Same time each year,
he brings joy and cheer
CHARLIE:
Hmm.
I think you found a good one,
kid.
Charlie says he likes you.
Christmas is here
Ding dong
Ooh
Ding dong
Christmas is here
It's the best time
of the year
It's the best time
of the year
(CAR DOORS OPENS)
(CAR DOORS SHUTS)
He's here?
CHARLIE:
Oh, he's here.
(TRUNK OPENS)
(TRUNK SHUTS)
BILLY:
Stay close.
(CLANGING)
Someone was just here.
Billy.
Pam, be careful.
(GRUNTS)
What the f*ck?
Jesus, Billy.
There's a kid down there!
BILLY:
Pam, wait!
I'm coming.
No, no. Stay there.
I'll hand her up.
Hey, hey, hey.
Oh, my God. I'm sorry, oh.
(GRUNTS)
-PAMELA: You got her?
-BILLY: Get on that ladder.
PAMELA:
Okay.
(GRUNTS)
(PANTS)
Oh, my...
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
There's another one!
He's alive.
(PANTING)
Tommy?
Okay, I got you.
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
(SCREAMS)
BILLY:
No!
(GRUNTS)
Pam. Pam!
(PANTING)
CHARLIE:
I know where she is, kid.
Just follow my lead.
Walk straight.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Okay, now he has Pam
three feet to your left.
You need to be careful.
He's got a knife to her throat,
hand over her mouth.
He's on top of her,
just below the surface.
Now!
(SCREAMING)
Pam, run!
Pam, get out of here!
(BILLY SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
(BILLY SCREAMING)
Where the f*ck is my phone?
(PANTS)
(DIAL TONE PLAYS)
f*ck!
(WHIMPERING)
(DISTANT CHOKING)
Billy?
(SNIFFLES)
Billy?
Billy.
Billy.
(GASPS)
Oh. I got you.
(GRUNT)
Oh, my God.
(GRUNTS)
I think he got me pretty good.
(GRUNTS)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Come, sit down.
BILLY:
I think I k*lled him.
CHARLIE:
Oh...
You cut his f*cking
head off, kid.
Sit down.
Oh, my God.
You stay with the kids.
I'm gonna get the car.
I just need to get
the kids outta here.
PAMELA:
Billy.
What's wrong with Santa?
Santa's hurt
but we're gonna help him, okay?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
CHARLIE:
Come on, Billy. Hang on.
Stay with me, buddy.
Stay with me.
Come on, kid.
This isn't our time.
We can make it.
Ah...
(g*nshots)
(PANTING)
PAMELA:
Billy!
Pam, everything's--
Billy! Get the f*ck out of here!
-CHARLIE: Ugh.
-Billy...
CHARLIE:
I'm sorry, kid.
I should've saw that one coming.
PAMELA:
Billy. No, no, no.
What did you do?
(SOBS)
I wanna go where you go.
I wanna stay here with you.
CHARLIE:
Billy.
Charlie.
CHARLIE:
I'm gonna miss you, bub.
I don't want you to go, Charlie.
Charlie, I don't want you to go.
CHARLIE:
You take good care of her.
-You hear?
-Charlie...
-CHARLIE: You found a good one.
-Charlie...
CHARLIE:
Take her hand. Now, kid.
Now.
MAX:
Pam!
What?
No, no, no, no.
No, Pam.
Pam.
Pam. Wake up.
I'm here, okay?
I-- I'm here.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
(SCREAMING)
(SPITS)
MAX:
Help, help! Please, please!
Help!
You're aggressive.
MAX:
Officer down, officer down.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
BILLY:
Hey.
(GASPS)
Billy?
BILLY:
It's okay. I'm right here.
Where?
BILLY:
Are you ready for this?
(PANTING)
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Silent Night, Deadly Night (2025)
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