03x05 - Goodbye U-N-I

[bunniefuu]

The best thing about going on
Grindr in your childhood town

was one-by-one seeing who from
secondary school turned out g*y.

Who went from sixth form to uni

and came back loving c*ck?

And it's always that
boy who called you a f*g

for coming last in cross country

who's now desperately sending
pictures of his arsehole

in a knitted jockstrap.

Andrew Shuman!

You cannot seriously be on
Grindr when I am in this room?

No, my school bully
just messaged me this!

Ugh, Jack! Sorry.

I've had a shitty
enough night as it is.

I just don't know what
I should reply with.

We were in the same
set for Maths once

and he tried to
Tipp-Ex my teeth.

Have you heard from him?

No.

Hello, mate.

She can still hear us.

You can talk to her.

Ah.

SHE WHIMPERS

Hello, Nan.

SHE MOANS FAINTLY

You all right?

She's had a rough night.

I'm really not trying to be
mean but you really stink.

Really? Really.

Yeah, all right, Romeo,
you're in a care home.

It's force of habit, innit? Hey!

Now it's gone everywhere.

It's going to smell
like a school disco.

Did you sleep here last night?

Yeah, on the chair.

I can do the same tonight
if you want a decent kip.

All right. We'll take
it in turns, can't we?

I'm sorry, mate.

Last time I saw you, I sort
of overstepped the line...

..as always.

Dennis, I've really
stopped caring.

I've stopped caring what
you or Mum or Mark do.

The only way I can stay
f*cking sane is to stop caring.

Well, that shouldn't be the way.

No, it shouldn't.

But I'm glad you're
here, though.

For her.

If she knew what was
going on, then...

..she'd be happy
we were both here.

You look good, Dan.

You've done well.

Hi. Um...

I'm so sorry.

She's gone.

As often, we tend to find

people cling on when
loved ones are around

and then sort of slip
off when they're alone.

We'll get her ready so you
can come say goodbyes, OK?

I'm so sorry for
your loss, darl.

♪ Our subtle disagreements

♪ The gesture that
you're leaving

♪ I know you're on your way

♪ I see how you
watch those planes

♪ In the dark

I am so sorry. She's, um...

She's back.

I honestly thought she was a goner,
but I just called that way too soon.

Ah! Sack the ref.

Ha-ha-ha. But, um... No, what
did happen there does indicate

that she will probably go quite
soon. So finish your ciggie,

no rush, and then
definitely come back. OK.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

What you doing?
I'm starting again.

Oh, come on. You've
had a tough weekend.

Jack, I don't care
about this dissertation.

I don't care about successful
women, Grazia magazine bullshit.

OK? I've got eight days so I'm
going to rewrite it so it's

exactly what I f*cking want.

I cared about my very first
topic, that was my topic.

I'm sick of caring about what
other people want from me.

Is this about the dissertation
or is it about Danny?

Sorry.

Oh... Maybe don't
delete that draft.

You do you.

You do you.

She's heartbroken, bless her.

I hate getting dumped.
It's like, "OK. Sorry,

"why do you all of a sudden
not care if I live or die?"

Yeah, but Corinne hasn't
been dumped-dumped.

I think Danny loves
her. He's just scared.

I'm worried he might be
getting a bit... manic again.

Have you heard from him?

No. I just know his
nan's doing not good.

I just want to drive down there,
but I don't think he'd want that.

Have Danny and
poor Corinne spoke?

Look, she's a smart girl,
that one. She'll be fine.

Quite honestly, considering
her orientation,

she should find a lady-partner.

Yeah. I wish I was a l*sbian.

They just get so
much more stuff done.

If you're bi with a woman,
it don't make you a l*sbian.

I once thought I was a l*sbian.

It was 1958.

Her name was...

..Patsy Troubador.

A singer.

We got drunk one
night down the palais.

She tried to kiss me, but...

..I pulled away.

And thank God I did or else
I'd have ruined my family and

home life and the destiny
of all of your lives.

But I often think if I
were to do it all again...

..maybe I'd have...

...given Pat a chance.

RADIO: ♪ And we'll go
walking Hand in hand... ♪

Right. Who wants
some sweet stuff?

Nan wants some sweet
muff by the sounds of it.

Shannon! Oh, come off it!

♪ I don't know where

♪ I have been lately

♪ I found myself in
somewhere strange

♪ The devil took me underwater

♪ He filled my lungs so... ♪

Lovely, Annabell.

You all right?
Yeah, it's just...

..Mark.

♪ Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh... ♪

Oh, my God. Is that...

..two inside him?

♪ How did I get
here without my god?

♪ Someone always has
to be the man... ♪

Oh, come here. Hey!

Hey, it's all right.
Hey. Come here. Hey.

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh

♪ My god

♪ How did I get
here without my god?

♪ Someone always
has to be the man

♪ The man

♪ I know you have... ♪

Mate.

Fancy a little'un?

No.

Absolutely not. Come on,
it'll shut soon anyway.

I just fancy one.

Let's just go back
to Nan's, all right?

Sit and have a cup of
tea and just... be.

Let's just have one. We'll just
have one and then we're off.

No!

Just come back with me, OK?

And just do the
normal f*cking thing

and we go through old photos
and we sit in the kitchen

and we f*cking chain smoke until
the f*cking morning. Please.

Dad...

..please.

Sorry, mate.

Dad.

You completely undermined me.

Switching to a topic
that I said was niche

and overly emotional for you,
preventing you from crafting

a forward-facing academic commentary
about more immediate media

policy reforms. Yeah.

And it's really rather good.

It's robust and concise

and puts forward an engaging
argument about media interference

in democratic referendums,
which, let's face it,

is applicable as we approach
the upcoming Brexit vote.

Thank you. But we won't Brexit.

Oh, we're going to Brexit.
Scotland will stay in the UK

and I think the next president
of the United States is

going to that absolute
f*ck-face c**t BLEEP Trump.

LAUGHTER

And how are you feeling?

Hollow.

Like I gave every single
piece of my heart to someone,

constantly wishing
it would get better.

He would get better.

And I love him.

I'm also angry.

I just made a decision
to stay in London for him

and I feel like I've
stopped myself progressing

cos I wanted him to get better.

Yes, I knew that.

So I didn't retract
your application.

What?

Yeah, I'm super-sorry
for having interfered,

but I felt like you consistently
told me how much you loved him

but also how much
you loved education.

So I did not retract
your application.

You have a provisional
letter of acceptance,

and I was waiting till
you got your degree mark

so we could talk about it.

Right.

And I spoke to some friends
of mine at Edinburgh

and I'm pretty sure you're
going to be accepted into

the Media Regulations masters,
especially after this thesis.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I think you're going to love the
new department head over there.

Is it you?

Yeah, it's me.

Your formatting is
all over the place.

There's one chapter in a
completely different font.

Yeah. I thought that
might cheer the marker up,

with all the depressing
bits about A*DS.

OK, well maybe let's not trivialise
the A*DS crisis with a curly font.

Other than that it's
actually very... good.

Well done, Jack. Thanks.

Now I need to ask
you a favour. No.

Well, you don't
know what it is. No.

It's Danny. OK, I'm listening.

His nan's sick, he
broke up with Corinne

and he hasn't answered
any of my calls for a week

and the deadline is in two days.
I thought you could call him up

and find out what his
plans are with the hand-in.

And check he's OK.

Yeah, of course.

PHONE DINGS

CHUCKLING

♪ Blood-filled

PHONE DINGS ♪
Jewel of life... ♪

Good luck with fixing
your formatting, Jack.

Good luck to you also, Tim.

PHONE RINGS

Phew.

Corinne!

Tim is g*y!

Or bi.

Or maybe straight
and experimenting.

But Tim has Grindr!

"Dearest wee Jack, I'm off.
I can't do any more goodbyes.

"I'm so proud of you
for working so hard,

"and see you at graduation.

"That's if you don't suddenly
right-royally f*ck it all up.

"Love you, Corinne."

PHONE RINGS

Hello, you! Hello, mate.

Sorry I haven't text.
Just had a lot on.

No, no, no. Don't
worry. How are you?

I've been better.
But no, I'm doing OK.

Good.

Good.

How's your nan?

She's gone.

Oh...

Oh, Danny. I'm so sorry.

Don't you get upset. No, no...

I'm just sad for you. I...

I miss you, mate.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

How's Corinne?

Yeah, she's handed in
and gone. It's weird.

How are you, though? Do
you want me to come down?

Me and Mum could...? No. No? No.

Honestly, I'm fine.

What about the funeral? We
can come down for support.

It's done.

I cremated her this morning.

Just me.

Look I need to come
pick up my stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, course.

I can help you pack.

What you going to
do about uni work?

Well, Tim phoned. Apparently I
can get mitigating circumstances,

get a three-month
extension so...

Wow, so you answered
to Tim but not me.

That's great, mate.

I can help you
with that as well.

And, Danny...

..you know you're always
welcome to stay with me and Mum.

You know that. Yeah, I know.

I need to start carving out my
life back down here, though.

Yeah. Look, I'll be up Wednesday

so I can come help you hand
your dissertation in, yeah?

Does that sound cool?

Yeah, yeah. It sounds good.

I love you, mate.

You too, mate.

♪ Peel off the colour

♪ Of the night

♪ A second skin

♪ A floating spit is hovering

♪ The other side
is opening now... ♪

PHONE DINGS

Ugh. Jesus Christ,
Andrew Shuman.

In my mind I knew, there could
be no better sex than shagging

the lad who picked
on you at school.

Hey, man. Hey, hey, hey.

I just want to make a long-time
coming apology to you.

Oh, right.

Like, I bullied you bad.

Oh, well, you weren't nice,
but I wasn't bullied. No.

No, I really bullied you.

And it was cos you were g*y.
Well, I wasn't out. And I was g*y.

So I just want to use
this opportunity to say...

..I'm sorry.

OK.

I'm sorry.

OK.

Ugh. f*ck's sake.

Were you filming that?! Yes.

I'm a content creator.

This was supposed to be a big
emotional moment where you

forgave me and I set up we
had a romantic connection

and that ultimately,
now, since coming out

and accepting myself,
I am a good person.

Yeah, right. Can you not?

Well, it would just make
great YouTube numbers.

Yeah, no.

I'd just rather f*ck.

Ugh! Come on, mate,

my YouTube confessionals get me 5K
a pop. Ah, shush, Andrew Shuman.

Is that Alison Hammond? Yeah.

So I just made love with the
guy who I bullied at school.

But it has helped me
in my q*eer journey...

Was that your shag that just
vlogged his way out of here?

Yep.

You're naked under
here, aren't you?

Yeah. OK.

Come on. Let's get
you in some clothes

and hand this
dissertation in, yeah?

There he is. Oh! Ha-ha-ha!

♪ Both our eyes are red

♪ But you're high and I'm crying

♪ You're trying to forget

♪ But it hits me every time... ♪

It'll be you next.
We'll get you through.

♪ Right hand holds
your left sleeve

♪ Turning our heads gently

♪ Cos when it ends we fight... ♪

Look, maybe stay
with us for a bit.

No. Honestly, I can't. I got loads
of sh*t to sort out in Margate so...

Well, I'll come
down this weekend.

No, no, it's just...

I'll be all right, OK? Well, this
summer, I'll come down loads.

I'll get the train down to Margate
and we can speak all the time

and I can help you
with your dissertation.

♪ And the day's
already done... ♪

I kept trying to make
plans with you...

I'll see you soon.

♪ Everything is black

♪ Your hands and my past

♪ If I don't wake tomorrow... ♪

Danny!

♪ Promise me you'll laugh

♪ And in that warm
winter I withered

♪ I just wanna get better

♪ I'll be what you like... ♪

..and you just didn't
seem to want to make them.

♪ And every letter of fire... ♪

Surprise! Surprise!
Surprise! Surprise!

So we both left uni...

..to go back to very
different homes.

♪ When you start to
break things... ♪

Sorry to hear about
Iris, love. Thanks.

And your cousin.

sh*t, mate.

What?

Mark. What about Mark?

Nan?

Since we last spoke,
I've been online

and I've found out all the
details about Patsy Troubador.

That's her address and
she still lives locally.

Maybe we can reach out,
see if you can meet again.

Cos I've been feeling like me
existing means you haven't been able

to explore your
q*eer, authentic self.

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

Turn that f*cking off!

I'm not f*cking content!

"Ooh! Me hashtag nan's
a hashtag l*sbian."

You f*cking g*y boys online.

You're g*y, get over it.

Sorry, Nan.

One thing I do want
to say, though.

I am very proud of you.

All I wanted to do was to
study more and I couldn't.

You've done very well.

Thanks, Nan.

Now get out in the real world
and get a proper f*cking job.

I think you blamed
yourself for Mark.

Like, maybe it wouldn't have happened
if you hadn't been preoccupied

with uni. And all
of us in London.

And then you found yourself
back in Margate anyway.

And I don't think any
of us quite realised

just how lonely you'd become.

And I felt lonely...

..even though downstairs
at mine was full of family.

I don't think you ever realised
you were only older male figure

I loved left in my life.