01x04 - Bike Patrol

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

- We can look after Anthony.

- That'd be amazing.
- What are you doing?

- If you're in with the
kid, you're in with the mum.

[grunts]
- Hope he wasn't any trouble.

- [stammering] Trouble?
- That man.

He was, he was on fire.
[siren blaring]

[screaming] [upbeat music]

[siren blaring] [door unlocks]

- Ooh, sorry Jo.
- In.

[thuds, door bangs]
[siren blasting]

[door unlocks] - Where's Maleek?

- Maleek's gone. [door bangs]

There was a recall at the twat factory.

I've come to take you back too.

- What?
- Now,

we've had a serious complaint
about you two, Wendy.

Can you guess what it is? - No.

- Nothing comes to mind?
- Is it about the kid

and the fire? - What kid?

What fire? - Oh nothing.

- Of course it's the kid and the fire.

Anyway, now I have to
observe you on shift.

Report back if you are
thick and dangerous,

or if it's just Maleek.
- We were both involved.

- Don't try and defend him, Wendy.

He's hardly welcomed you with open arms.

- Okay, he's not a touchy
feely sort of person

but you know, if I want a
hug, I just hug the stretcher.

- Totally normal.
- What have you done

with Maleek? [huffing]

- Move, nee-naw, nee-naw,
nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw,

nee-naw, nee-naw, thank you, nee-naw.

You all right, mate? - Please.

- Don't worry, I'm here now.
[huffing]

You know what, give me a minute.

[upbeat music]

[siren blaring] - Ooh!

- Wenders, mental driving!
- I haven't driven

on the blues for a while.
- Three, five, eight,

lima charlie on scene.
- Found the bleed.

Stab wound to the abdomen.
- Nice to see you too, Lozza.

- He's bleeding out.
- Well,

let's keep the pressure
on the wound then, hey

but let's chat.
- [Radio] Is the bike

paramedic there yet?
- Lovely of you to join us,

Maleek, lucky for you, Wendy
drives like an absolute b*stard.

- Rah, I see you're driving now.

Just jumping in my grave, I bet the,

I bet the steering wheel wasn't even cold.

- Sorry about bike duty.
- What are you sorry about?

This is lit, I'm finally where
I belong, on these streets.

Not cooped up in some metal cage

plus I can cancel my gym membership now.

- You go to the gym?
- Yes.

- Right [whispering] I'm
sorry you took the blame

for Anthony.
- [whispering] It's okay.

I'm not a snitch, I'm ride or die

but gangster to gangster,
you owe me big time.

- Bullshit Wendy, he tried
to blame it all on you.

- Did I say which northern
blonde lady in her late 50's?

No, no, I didn't, don't be like them, Jo.

Snitches, snitches!
- [Radio] Zero, seven, zero...

[upbeat music] [siren blaring]

- Okay, what have you got for me?

Youssef, he's 46, was found
alone unresponsive in his flat.

- Didn't ask for his
f*cking dating profile.

- He has a large swelling
in the neck and...

- Everything okay, do you
need a choccie biccie?

No and, and he was coughing up blood.

So I think he could... - Shh!

Everyone, the paramedic wants
to diagnose the patient.

- Sorry, wait, I've got to
ask, are you two related?

- We all look the same to you?

Is that it? - Oh God, no, no.

I didn't, didn't...
- Yes, we're twins.

Now, can we get back to
the dying patient please?

I think it could be TB. - Wrong.

I'll take it from here, you
stick to delivering the bodies.

Okay, let's go, triage two.

- So are you two close?
[upbeat music]

- [Radio] Zero, seven, zero,
got a fainter in the park.

- Oh, man.
- [Radio] Think you guys

could take it? [upbeat music]

- Dad, man, what the hell?
- Are you a paper boy now?

- No, it's an, it's a promotion, yeah?

Elite zero emissions task force.

- What next, roller skates?
- Ha ha, look I got to go.

- Look at you, already
trying to leave your father.

- I'm at work!
- So where's

the small white lady?
- I'm solo now.

I'm off the leash.
- She left you?

- Left who, no one can't leave me.

If anything, I left her.
- Don't worry, son.

You've come to the right
man, I know what woman wants.

Women like gifts. - So?

- So I need you to take
this to your mother.

- Dad, what the, you've already used it.

No, man.
- Just two small scoops.

Smooth it over and give it to her,

or is that too much for you?
- How am I supposed to...

- Now you want to ask questions!

- Used hand cream.
- Are you not in a rush!

Go, go then! - I'm going.

Yeah, yeah. - Vamoose!

- Bye, dad. [upbeat music]

- Oh Loz, yeah, I'm going to
this craft beer thing tonight.

- Ah, I love a craft beer.
- That's weird,

I had absolutely no idea.
- What?

Lawrence is always on
about the craft scene.

- All those IPA stickers on his locker?

- Yeah, you gave me Easter
off for the beer festival.

Remember? - Yeah.

I'm a busy professional Lawrence.

Not a stalker, it's not like
I remember every word you say

looking for clues to
the secret of your soul.

- Right.
- But if you want to come,

it's a free country, I can't stop you.

- Thing is, well...
- Chill out!

It's not a date
mate, unless, I mean...

- I can't come tonight.
- Okay.

'Cause I'm finally sorting
through Karen's old clothes.

- Aw, yeah.
- Well maybe you don't need

to get rid of them just yet.
- No,

I've put it off too long.
- Yeah, chuck 'em.

- Or you could make them
into a memory blanket.

- A what?
- I made one out of our scrubs

from our first shift together.

- Mate, you didn't.
- Mate, I did.

- Mandem, yo biker boys, aw sh*t, sh*t.

- Whoa!
- Sorry.

- What the hell?
- What the flip, man?

Puddle. - f*ck sake.

Kids everywhere. - f*ck sake.

It's annoying, nice to
meet you guys though.

It's a good day for that,
good day to save lives.

Good day to keep the heart rate pulsing.

[beeping]
Oh, it's also Calipo time.

Blaw, blaw! [chuckles]

All right, keep your hair on, crying.

I got another one, who wants it?

Who wants it, who wants
it, I thought it was lame

when my old partner suggested it

but it's actually pretty great.

Paramedic fuel.
- No, it's a reductive sugar.

Will dehydrate you the
minute you start peddling,

which will reduce your
performance on the job.

- Ooh, well guess who gets to have two?

Fresh. [upbeat music]

- So you and Lawrence, what's going on?

I mean, I, I saw what happened just then.

Oh, the excellent communication by two

of the best paramedics on the job?

- All I'll say is, you got
a lot going for you Jo.

You don't need to wait around
for some man to notice you.

- Wait, what, you think, I fancy Lawrence?

Ugh, I don't even want to be noticed.

That's why I love camo. - Oh!

So you won't mind me coming along

to the craft beer thing-a-ma-jig
with you tonight, then?

- Well I'm actually thinking
of not going now Wendy, so...

- Oh, is that because
Lawrence isn't going?

- No, idiot!
- Ow!

- Sorry Wendy, sorry Wendy, you all right?

Let's do it, if you think you can keep up.

Destination lashtown no stragglers?
- Right.

- Yeah?
- Well,

you don't need to worry about me

when it comes to boozing.
- Yeah?

- My Facebook pic is a sign that says,

Keep Calm and Prosecco.
- My c*ck just shrunk.

Never say that again.
[upbeat music]

- I don't know, I thought
London would be different.

You know, a chance to
meet exciting people.

I don't even know my neighbours.

Sometimes, I time putting
out the bins in the morning

so that I can give them
friendly little smile

but when I do, they look
at me like I'm some sort

of cuckoo deranged person.
- Imagine.

- And I left behind a five-bed semi

in a cul-de-sac with a WhatsApp group

and monthly barbecues on the green.

What have I done Jo, what if
I've made a terrible mistake?

- This is the craft beer talking.

This is what happens when
you drink hoppy spunk

out of designer bottles,
how can you not do Fosters?

- All right! [grunting]

- Man like Lawrence?
- Hey Maleek.

- Bruv, I'm mashed up man, ah bless.

This guy is still, no lurgies and that.

- Thanks.
- Gotta look after each other.

- Yeah.
- Us cycling men.

- More of a motorbike
man, bit different but...

- Come on man, we're the same, bruv.

- Yeah.
- Stop fighting it.

- Yeah, I suppose we're both lone wolves

to a certain extent.
- Lone wolves.

[howling] - That was dead.

Yo, do you ever get lonely, you know like,

just someone to talk to, I'm cool with it.

I was just thinking maybe you get lonely.

No, it suits me, you
know, I like the silence,

being on the bike, you know?
- Yeah, I feel that.

Feel that Lawrence, silencio.

♪ On the bicycle, on the bicycle ♪

Yo, can't we race back
to the depot, clock off,

get a couple of coffees, you know,

like one of them oat milk brothers?

- Don't take this the wrong way Maleek

but I, I, I come here to be alone

with Karen, got this bench made for her.

She loved this spot. - Jeeze!

Big Lawrence, balling,
buying benches and that.

That's deep, man. - So if you,

if you don't mind, I'd like to...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've
gotta go to the gym anyway.

- You go to the gym, do you?
- Yes, yeah.

- Yep.
- See you in a bit, Lawrence.

- You know, he's got a
bench with her name on it.

Is over there daydreaming of her dead face.

She is c*ck blocking me from the grave.

- You have to do something, make a move.

- Yeah?
- Show him that Karen's

in the past and you're in the future.

- Yeah?
- You're a beautiful,

intelligent, forceful woman.
- Oh, what?

Wendy, stop. - I'm serious!

I'm serious! - No, I'm not!

- Look.
- Yeah?

- If you bottle up your feelings,

you'll end up doing
something stupid like I did.

- Like what?
- Oh, it's nothing.

It's just a saying, isn't
it, don't do something stupid

like I did, I think it's
from an advert or something.

Was it bread? - What did you do?

- I didn't do nothing.
- Wendy?

- No, I just, anyway,
we're not talking about me.

We're talking about you and...

- Wends, Wenders?
- What?

- We need shots.
- What?

- Shots!

Wendy, 0500 hours, come on,
sh*t, shower, shave.

- I feel like I've only
been asleep 20 minutes.

- Yeah, about right, come
on, grow a pair, get up.

- Where am I?
- My gaff.

- I don't remember coming back here.

- No, me neither, oh,
classic night for the lads.

You are a dark horse, Wenders.

- I've got cuts and scratches everywhere.

- Yeah, I think we crawled home.

I've got so much dirt under my nails.

- Me too.
- We took the shortcut

through the park.
- Let my head stop spinning

and I promise to tidy up.
- sh*t.

sh*t Wendy, we've done something bad.

- We k*lled someone?
- Please, no.

- Ooh! - f*ck! [both groaning]

[upbeat music]

[muffled speaking]
- Can't listen to music

on your bike, health and safety.

- Health and safety?
- Yes, health and safety.

- Yeah, all right,
Push bike prick.

- What?
- Hmm?

- I thought you...
- What?

- Said something, so...
- What?

- No, I'm just,
- prick, prick
- right right, I just.

- What?
- Yeah, really professional.

Well done. [bike clatters]

- Oh, yeah, yeah,
brilliant, you're a prick.

- [Radio] Count one unconscious male.

Suspected overdose by the railway tracks.

- Hey boy, you give your mum that cream?

- She didn't text me.
- She changed

her number again, stop riding your BMX.

Does your mum have the Netflix?

Tell her, she wants the
Netflix, I know a guy.

Maleek, does your mum have the Netflix?

Do you have the Netflix password?

- Oi, did dad give you a call?

- No.
- No?

Well they mentioned they
want their money back

for your education, you
know, since it was a total

waste of time.
- Can you just admit already

that my TB diagnosis was right?

- And that would be me breaching doctor...

Sorry, let me say that again,

I think I stuttered, doctor
patient confidentiality.

I'm sure you have no idea what that is,

as you're just a sort
of Uber with aspirins.

- I could have sworn
you'd be the evil twin.

[cross talking] - No, nope.

- Maybe we could sneak in
tonight and put it back.

- Can't sneak anywhere
carrying a bench, Wendy.

Anyway, Lawrence already knows it's gone.

He stops there on his
way in, reads the paper

or some sh*t.
- I can't face him.

I'll see you in the ambulance.

- No one's going to think it was us

if we don't act weird,
okay, just be breezy.

- Breezy.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.

What the hell are you doing, Wendy?

- I'm trying to be breezy.
- Okay.

- My back is k*lling me.
- All right.

- I'm in a very weird place right now.

- Just be calm, it's all fine, okay?

Nice. - Makes me feel worse.

- There you go, Lawrence probably

won't even be that bothered.
- Don't worry.

We'll find whoever did this.
- When we do,

I'm going to grab them, I'm going to say,

who you think you're messing with, punks?

- And I'll say, you're
messing with the wrong guys,

you son of a b*stard
and then I'll bite them.

- Yeah, no biting but I like this energy.

- You all right Lawrence,
time of the month?

- Someone stole Karen's bench last night.

- What?
- Oh no!

I hate it when those
unexplainable things happen.

So weird that this happens
the same night I get rid

of all her clothes, you
know, it's like a sign.

- You threw out her clothes,
Lawrence good for you.

That is a big step forward
in the grieving process.

- Maybe it was too soon.
- No, definitely not.

Maybe in a weird way what happened

with your bench is another
step in that process?

- I just don't see it like that.

I feel like I've been
thrown back to square one.

- Aw, come on.
- Sorry.

That you feel bad, I mean,
obviously not apologising

for anything more specific.
[upbeat music]

- Yes ladies, Jennifer, ooh-woo!

Wendizzle, ha yo just
wanted to let you know

that I reached an overdose
in two minutes thirty, yeah.

- Wow, you literally did your job.

- Yeah, you're welcome, so what you two

are a proper thing now,
yeah, I'm happy for you, man.

Finally got your partner to go

and get white girl wasted with.

- Look, if you ever want to go out

and just drink like a
normal amount, I'm game.

- Ha ha, bet you are,
big friend of the year.

- I don't want you getting
lonely on your tod.

- Lonely, I'm not, I'm not lonely.

I've been listening to
the true crime podcast.

Can you believe her own daughter did it?

Not actually got there yet!
- Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, I, no
look, no spoilers, yeah?

But yeah, her daughter did it.

Ooh glasses, wheelie, but yeah good,

good recommendation, have
you, have you got any...

- Wendy, now.
- Bye, Maleek.

- Bye.
- We've got to tell him.

- We are not telling
Lawrence, Wendy, okay?

Just, Jesus, ruin everything we have.

- Just to play devil's avocado,

do you actually have anything?

- There's a deep bond there, Wendy.

- Just to play devil's avocado
one last time, is there?

- This is your fault.
- I told you

to tell him how you
feel, not kidnap a bench.

- Didn't carry it half
a mile on my own, did I?

You mainly talk about feelings.

I thought Maleek was the
problem but it's you.

You are dangerous.
- Me, dangerous?

How many samurai swords
does one person need?

You're like a time b*mb waiting to go off.

[tyres screech] [groaning]

- Oh, thank God, it's just Maleek.

[groaning]
- Two deliveries in one day?

Do I get a stamp, is my tenth one free?

- Sticks and stones may break your bones.

- Yes, I know that Gary, I'm a paramedic.

It's just, I know I'm
right about that diagnosis.

- Well, you know what you need to do then.

- Pretend to be her and
sleep with her boyfriend?

Yeah, I did that with the last two.

She just does the same back.
- No.

I was going to say you need to let it go.

Accept that they know more than us.

We're not doctors.
- No, we're not

[whispering] but I look like one.

- Oh Jesus, Jesus!
- What a wuss.

At worst a sore ankle.
- Is he going to be all right?

I feel awful.
- You better be Wendy

or you're done, you're finished.

- Bro calm down, yeah?
- I'll be calm

when this lunatic is behind bars.

- What?
- Wendy wasn't driving.

I was. - How could you?

- Darrell, Darrell, she's our boss.

- Sorry, I better just go.
- Maleek's just

such a good friend of ours, so...

- Yeah.
- That was kind.

You didn't need to do that.
- I know.

Just leading from the front.
- But won't you be in trouble?

- Me, no, I can make this all go away.

Play the blame game write a clean report,

point out Maleek was wearing earphones.

- But why would you do that?
- Because Wendy,

if you don't keep your mouth shut

about the bench, I will tell
Maleek that you ran him over

and you called him a fat speed
bump while you did it, okay?

[upbeat music]

- I'm going to need the
file on that blood cougher

from yesterday, Youssef something.

- Is everything okay Dr. Patel?

You seem different.
- Yeah, I'm drunk on the job.

You should report me,
stick a sexual as*ault

on there while you're at it.
[upbeat music]

- Ow, ow, all right, all right.

It was TB, he died last night. Get in!

[upbeat music]

- Maleek, you're back!
- What?

You forgot everything already?

Go around to your side man,
opening up a man's door

like that, no manners, mannerless.

- Oh, I dreamed about this day.

- Ugh, keep me out your fantasies, please.

- So your ankle's all better then?

- Nah you know but real
talk, Jo was proper,

proper apologising for running me over.

- Did she, oh good.
- Yeah.

My cycling homies are gonna be
struggling though without me.

Yo, that mentioned getting a statue of me

to remember me by but I was like,
allow it man!

I'm humble, you know? - Yeah.

Anyway, it's good to have you back.

Real OGs back into this ting!
- Yeah!

- Whoa, what are you doing, stretcher!

You know the rules. - Right.

Chest pains, male, sixties, oh!

That's your dad's address.
[siren blaring]

- There are some messed
up people out there.

- Are you threatening my family?

- I'm off to the bogs for
a bit of [whistles poorly].

My lips are really dry.

♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪

- Hey, hey, hey, we're
gonna shut that sh*t down

before I switch. [upbeat music]