04x03 - Would You Rather?

[bunniefuu]

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

[DOOR SQUEAKS SOFTLY]

- Hey.
- BOWIE: Hey!

Come on.

- [GRUNTS]
- Whoa!

OK.

How you going, Dad?

OK, thank you.

BOWIE: Yeah. Do you wanna
eat something or...

DOM: No, thank you.

Thanks, Boz.

Have you talked to Mum yet?

Nah, nah.
You better not have either.

Oh, well, actually,
Mum's gonna wanna know.

DOM: Guess this is me.

Yeah, you probably shouldn't
have given up your place, eh?

I don't really wanna
get into it right now.

I thought I'd be over there
a lot longer than I was.

Mmm. Do you not wanna
talk about it?

- You sure?
- This is useless!

Dad, I'm really sorry, eh?

Can I, uh, borrow this?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I was
just marking essays, but...

DOM: How much do you reckon
a new turntable costs?

What, you're not... You're
not gonna get rid of these.

No, no, no.
Just gimme... two hours.

Gimme 48 hours and I will, uh...

- I'll fix all of this.
- You sure?

Yeah!

DOM: I'm just gonna look up
Marketplace just in case.

[SIGHS] So what's he into?

Man, what are we
gonna talk about?

I needed more time
to prepare for this.

Man, this place is fancy.

REEMA: Oh, God.
Who's he brought with him?

You'll be fine.
Just be yourself.

OK, but we have only been dating
for a few months,

you don't have a kid
and you're becoming Muslim, OK?

- [VINCE CLEARS THROAT]
- Hi, Dad!

Dad, this is Vince.

Hello, Mr Malik.

Uh...

- Have you met Rakim?
- Ah.

Yeah, so sorry
to gatecrash your party.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Reema.

Vince, how are you?

Uh, yeah, good, man.
Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.
- Sit.

VINCE: Wow, um...

So what's it like
being back home?

I'm loving it. It's wonderful to
spend some time with my girl.

Yeah, we've had a few dinners.

Got to watch her game last week.

Uh, wha...

I play mixed 5-a-side soccer.

Is that in the, um...
the Balmain-Canterbury comp?

What's your team?

- The Stingers.
- RAKIM: I'm in the Warriors.

[LAUGHS] I think
we're versing you soon.

RAKIM: Yeah.

Uh, Vince, do you...
do you play or...

Um, no. I would, but just...

Vince is always working.

- Busy, busy, busy!
- Right.

He's a midwife.

Yes, Vince, have you...
always wanted to be a midwife?

Um, yeah.

Um, ever since high school.

Is that where, um...
where you two met?

- Yeah, and then...
- Yeah.

Yeah.

So Reema tells me that, uh,

you're a man of faith.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah. My family's Christian.

But I'm... I'm converting, so...

[CHUCKLES] He always forgets.

It's 'reverting'.

Yes, right. Why is that?

We believe that everybody is...
is born Muslim, so...

Yes.

You know what? I probably
read that somewhere.

Probably in the Koran.

You've been reading the Koran?

Yes.

Um, I really like it.

Any parts in particular?

It's all pretty strong.

Thank you. If you're done with
your inquisition, Uncle.

That was very fun and enjoyable
for all of us,

not awkward at all.

Is anyone watching
anything good lately or...

I am watching the most
engrossing true-crime series.

'The Siege'.

- Yes!
- RAKIM: Yeah.

- You too?
- Wait, do you think he did it?

REEMA: I mean, I don't think
he should have been

convicted on that
contradictory evidence.

Don't tell me you think...
You think the sister did it?

I mean, first of all,
none of those forensic experts

had a shred of credibility.

- And then the prosecutor...
- The prosecutor was ineffectual.

I mean, the blood splatter alone
shot any...

Can we... hold the gory details
until after we eat?

- Yeah. No, sorry.
- Shall we?

- [REEMA CHUCKLES]
- RAKIM: Yep.

I can't believe
he pulled that stunt,

bringing that guy to our lunch.

I'm so sorry.

[VINCE SIGHS]

So what,

I'm just gonna keep pretending
I'm converting?

Reverting.

Yep. Cool.

And... and...

...that I don't have a kid?

I'm sorry. It's just easier.

And it's just until
he gets back to London.

Sorry.

Yeah, it... it just...

It seems kinda not great.

Trust me, OK?

He's not gonna stick around
for long.

He never does.

OK?

[SIGHS]

OK, laundry is done.

Did you brush your teeth?

- [EXHALES]
- Good girl.

Now, where were we?

"The smell of that
buttered toast

"simply spoke to Toad,
and no unc..."

'Un-cer-tain'.

"..uncertain voice."

Good girl.

OLY: Don't just tell her
what the word is!

You know, your mum is
a back-seat driver.

[CHUCKLES]

[OLY TYPES]

[MUTTERS] Oh, come on.

Oh, I...I haven't finished
my presentation.

I need to figure out
the best transition.

- Mmm?
- OK.

- Be honest.
- Mmm.

Do you think a sound effect
is too much?

[MAGICAL FLOURISH PLAYS]

SANTI: Go to sleep, Oly.

[SANTI SIGHS]

[STRANGE MUSIC]

[DISTORTED MUSIC BOX MELODY]

[SQUELCHING]

OLY: Business, business.

Business. Business, business.

Business,
business, business.

Business, business.
Business, business, business.

[GROANS]

[GASPS]

What's wrong?

[PANTS]

I just...

...had a dream I was...

...I was wearing a nappy.

What?

[SIGHS] It's nothing.

- Are you OK?
- Yeah.

[PANTS]

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Sorry.

- Can you turn out the light?
- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.
- Mmm, OK.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Hey!

[ALEJANDRO SPEAKS SPANISH]

So much noise!

I know.

It's fine. He fixed it.

Santi, come inside
and taste my new recipe.

The new chef Rosa hired
is no good.

I would love to, Ita, but I'm
just here to get the van to Rosa

and then I've gotta get ready
for this meeting

before I pick up J.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Uh... just some people.

For a commission.

- Another art commission, Santi!
- Yeah.

- Our very own Matta.
- [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, it's kinda weird,
it's not...

It's not really
the type of thing

that I wanna be doing, but...

I thought drawing, it was
what you want to be doing.

And you're getting paid to draw.

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Thank you, Ita.

And thanks, Abuelo.

- I love you!
- Love you too.

Mwah! Mmm!

OK.

- I'll see you guys soon.
- I'll see you. 'Bye.

ALEJANDRO: OK.

BERNADITA: 'Bye, beauty!

SANTI: Besos!

BERNADITA: Besos! Mwah!

'Bye, Abuelo. 'Bye, Ita.

'Bye!

OLY: What we are doing to
the forests of the world

is but a mirror reflection of
what we are doing to ourselves

and to one another.

That was Gandhi.

I am extremely proud of
the work that we do here.

However, having engaged with

the passionate activists
at the tree camp,

I strongly believe that
we need to reconsider

our decision to approve
a development

which would result in
the decimation

of 12 beloved, iconic,
heritage Moreton Bay fig trees.

[MAGICAL FLOURISH PLAYS]

The concerned citizens
that I have spoken to

have articulated
the immeasurable value

of these majestic old trees.

Now, I will be taking questions
at the end.

But I will argue that this
protest is an opportunity

to explore alternative sites,

engage meaningfully with
our constituents...

Sorry, I'm gonna
quickly jump in.

Oly, I do have a question.

Why wasn't this an email?

Thanks for coming into
the office.

Yeah, no worries.

MAN: We want to talk to you
in person.

Don't know how much you know
about our community.

Uh, I've done a little bit
of research online.

Don't believe everything
you read.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

We hoped we could talk you
through what we're after

and you could give us
an idea of what you can do.

Like a rough sketch?

- Yeah.
- Sure, yep.

[SIGHS]

My Fursona, Paloma, is an arctic
fox and flying squirrel hybrid.

She has sky-blue fur
and a dark-brown ponytail.

She presents as shy,
but it's all... [FADES]

MAN: Shadow is a striped hyena.

He's tall, strong,
curious and primal.

He has the eyes that will
take over the world one day.

[ANIMALS CHITTER AND CHIRP]

So... obviously they'll be...
far more polished.

But, um, this is just,
like, I guess a rough...

You've really captured Shadow.

Wow.

Great.

Get these back to me
before we leave today.

Am I being promoted?

Don't get too excited.

Maternity leave replacement
for Beth.

Take over some of her duties.
Modest pay rise.

Wow, OK!

Shauna didn't say anything.

Wow, did she not?

She's normally so forthcoming

with the logic
for her decisions.

Yeah, she hates that Beth's
going on maternity leave, right?

Look, I'm on safer legal ground
if I don't answer that.

But yes, obviously.

- Who'd have babies?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Ugh!

Right.

Oly?

You convinced me.

The big spiel. Gandhi.
Speak to the people.

You're right.

Speak to the people.

Oh, right now?

Why not now?

No, now's great. Now's good.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

Do you know, Ol, we have planted


in this council area alone

in the last year.

Nobody's celebrating that.

Also, sorry,
can we just remember...

Literally Indigenous.

We are the right side
of politics.

Hello there, young voter.

I'm Shauna Johnson.
I'm the mayor.

Lovely to meet you. Came down.
Thought we'd have a yarn.

You should be ashamed
of yourself.

That's a great start.

Big fan of the trees.

Trees are everything.
Trees are life.

We've actually
planted 5,000 trees

in the council area this year.

Greenwashing.
Trees aren't ecosystems.

[SIGHS]

Thought you just said
trees were everything.

ANGIE: Hi, sweetheart.

Hello, Madam Mayor.

Hi. 'Shauna's fine.

Ah, nice to meet you, Shauna. Angie.

Nice to meet you.

She called you 'sweetheart'.
Is that your girlfriend?

Oh, God, no. It's my mum.

Your mum? Your mum?!

So what are you gonna do
to stop this development?

Mum!

I'm actually
for the development.

It has a social housing component.

We have a real housing crisis
and we need more dwellings.

But at the expense of
these beautiful trees.

Well, do you know what?

That's a great point
that you've raised there

and we can have
that conversation.

- Mm-hm.
- JACINDA: Hey!

Hi! I'm hungry!

Grangie, I'm starving!

That's my granddaughter.

That's my brother Bowie's
daughter.

I'm coming, J.

Your mum's living here?

You didn't mention that
in the PowerPoint, did ya?

Eh? Didn't make it on there?

With all your colour coding.

[SINGS WORDLESSLY]

[GRUNTS]

- You good?
- Yep.

- Fingers?
- Yep.

[OLY GRUNTS]

[KEYS JANGLE]

Are you gonna tell me what that
was all about before you go?

I just didn't imagine that she
would come when J was here.

Yeah, I haven't told her
that I have a kid.

It's just not come up.

Shauna hates kids.

She thinks people with kids,
like, leave work at 3:00

and don't care about their work.

OK.

OK?

OK.

Do you want a lift home
on my way back?

No, that's alright.
My stuff's at Reema's, so...

Hey, can we go see Dum-Dum now?

[CHUCKLES] I don't think
we can get to Canada

and back again by bedtime.

But he's at Uncle Bowie's house.

Uh... I haven't seen him either.

I was gonna go see him
after the date tonight, so...

'Bye!

BOWIE: What up, JJ?

- Hi!
- Where is he?

Who?

[CHAIR SCRAPES]

ANGIE: What the hell
is wrong with you?

- Dum-Dum!
- Ohh, J!

[DOM GROWLS PLAYFULLY]

Hello, Angela.

Bowie, J would like
an ice cream before bed.

Oh, I like ice cream too.

But I am in a fasting window, so...

[BOWIE WHISPERS] JJ.

Ice cream. Come on, let's go.

What is wrong with you?

Sorry, OK?

What, for leaving your sister
to look after your dying mother?

- On her own!
- No...

For putting a ton of unnecessary
C02 into the atmosphere?

- Ange, I was...
- Or what?

For lying to me?

And for asking little kids
to lie to me too?

How selfish are you?!

Mum's dead.

What?

She died.

Well, why didn't...

Why didn't you just
tell me that?

Where's Edie?
When's she coming back?

DOM: She's not.

ANGIE: What, like... ever?

As far as I know.

She's met someone.

Dom.

Mum's nurse.

Barbara.

Barbara?

Are you OK?

It's weird.

Like, I'm an orphan now.

Shuffling along the mortal coil

and with Mum gone,
there's nobody between me...

...and the void.

Plus it was a...

...pretty ugly way for Mum to go.

Ohh, Dom.

[SNIFFLES]

I'm actually gutted.

I really, uh... I really
didn't think I would be.

Yeah, well, she was your mother.

Mmm.

Only one I had. [CHUCKLES]

So sorry about Edie.

I didn't know how to tell you.

Drink?

Yep.

[SIGHS]

Hey, um... they didn't k*ll you
today. That's good.

- Oh, yeah.
- No, bro, they did not.

They're just regular people. Lawyers.

He's had a few commissions before,

but this is, like,
a lot more money.

SANTI: Yep!

Well, are you sure
it's just drawing?

They're not gonna rope you into

one of their furry orgies
or something?

No, they're not.

Is that a thing?
Is that a thing?

It's not a thing. You know, you
guys could all just get over it.

Or even be happy for me. Ooh!

There's an idea!

VINCE: Such a child.

Hey, man. Can we just get
one game of bowling for four?

Uh, $68.

- REEMA: We'll get it.
- I just haven't been paid yet.

I got it. It's fine, I got it.

- VINCE: Are you sure?
- We'll transfer you.

Good thing I got
a sugar mama, hey?

Yeah, I'll go get some drinks,
hey, guys?

- ATTENDANT: Four pairs of shoes?
- Yeah.

Yeah. And sizes?

REEMA: A bear is a bear, OK?

Even duck-sized.

It'd be like a little
bipedal pit bull.

It'd tear you apart.

- Yeah, but little.
- It has a massive bill.

- Yeah.
- Like, huge.

And it would bite you.

VINCE: You're on your own, Reema.

- You need the bumpers, darling?
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Alright, my turn.

Would you rather...

...get knocked up in high school

or donate your sperm to friends?

['WISDOM PIE' BY KARMIC PLAYS]

♪ Paper line folding

♪ Make yourself a crane

♪ We could fly... ♪

I love this song!

♪ Origami planes... ♪

- Dance with me!
- No, I don't want to.

I'm... I'm tired, Oly.

[LAUGHS] Come on.

- I had to work all day.
- So did I.

♪ Fly through

♪ Gotta get high
with your mother... ♪

- [BELL RINGS]
- [VINCE LAUGHS]

♪ She'll give you a slice of
that wisdom pie... ♪

VINCE: This reminds me of
a dream I once had.

♪ Will I be wise
when I'm older? ♪

- Was I in it?
- Uh...

Then I don't wanna
know about it.

Yep, I'm calling it.

SANTI: Yeah, I'm calling it.

Come on, let's go.

[SIGHS]

- You guys gonna go to bed?
- REEMA: 'Night.

- 'Night, all.
- 'Night, guys.

- Oh! Can I show you something?
- Mmm.

What do you think?

So weird!

Right.

[SIGHS] Thanks for that.

Oh, babe.

What is this?

What does it look like?

VINCE: Wow.

Well, that was fun.

Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] We should
go out more often.

You know that was the first time
we've been on a date in months?

And you invited Oly and Santi
to crash.

So we're not gonna count lunch
with your dad and... the hottie?

We can count that.

I thought your mum and dad
were paying water and council.

- Why didn't you tell me this?
- I don't know.

- We just never talked about it.
- Well, maybe we should have.

Well, maybe I thought you would
be weird about me paying

and here you are,
being weird about it.

I don't care, Oly,
but it's like...

Yeah, right,
'cause I'm your sugar mama?

[SCOFFS] I was joking, dude.

- It's, like... chill out.
- [OLY SCOFFS]

I got a promotion today.

And a raise.

That's great.

Yeah, you seem thrilled.

Well, does it mean longer hours?

Maybe.

I'm sorry if I don't love
being the stay-at-home parent.

Can I remind you that
you had years working

while I was studying
and looking after J?

Why don't you tell me
about this sh*t?

You don't need to baby me.

You're literally
having a tantrum!

I'm also having
f*cking nightmares

about sh1tting my nappy
and smearing poo on walls.

It's not funny!

[CHUCKLES] It's a bit funny.

Is that what you dreamt about
the other night?

Yeah, I thought
I f*cking shat myself.

[OLY LAUGHS]

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- OLY: Oh, sh*t!
- What?

I told my dad I'd go see him.

Do you want me to revert?

You know, is it
important to you?

I wouldn't ask you to do that.

But it's important to my dad.

Mmm. And he said this to you?

No, he just says things like...

..."You know what the right thing
to do is."

Hey, it's probably not
the right thing to...

...to lie about it.

It's just a white lie.

It's not like I haven't done
that for you a million times

to the sister wives.

[LAUGHS] And now they want
another kid?

Isn't that insane?

Why is it insane?

Look, isn't it kind of
fair enough?

So you want another one too?

Cool, I guess I'll just be

pushed further
down the list, then.

What list, Reema?

Well, it's Malik first,
isn't it?

Which I get, obviously.

But then, you know, it's
your work, it's your family.

And it feels like I'm the last
priority in your life.

Reema, you're the one that said
you wanted a big family.

What, when I was 16?

These aren't my kids
that we're talking about.

Dude, I don't even know
if I want kids.

I feel like we skipped our 20s

and we're just 35 already.

These are not the problems
I'm supposed to be having.

What are the problems
you're supposed to be having?

I went straight into this thing.

- And now...
-"This thing."

[SCOFFS]

A lovely smile!

[LAUGHS] A terrible
singing voice!

I don't ever think
I heard her singing.

DOM: No.

- [LAUGHS] Oly!
- Ohh!

Oly's here! [CHORTLES]

- Hello, Dad!
- ANGIE: Hello!

OLY: How are you?
Are you alright?

DOM: Exponentially better
for seeing you.

- How are you?
- And J?

- Oh...
- She's sleeping.

OLY: What's going on here?

BOWIE: Perfect timing, Ol.

This thing is...

...ready to go!

Dad, do the honours, please.

DOM: Never doubted you
for a minute, Boz.

[DOM CHUCKLES]

['CREEPING LIZARDS' BY 5 ALARM
PLAYS]

BOWIE: Yes! OK.

- [OLY LAUGHS]
- BOWIE: That's it, Dad.

ANGIE: Ohh!

[MUSIC SWELLS]

[SCREAMS]

[MUSIC FALLS SILENT]

[BEAT DROPS]