04x04 - Both On Three…

[bunniefuu]

[INTRIGUING MUSIC]

Ooh-hoo!

It's so sparkly!

JJ, can you please
come downstairs?

Hey. Sorry.

Sorry, I would've done this
last night,

but I had to wash it
'cause it was missed.

- I said I'm sorry about that.
- I said it's fine.

- I'm just doing it now.
- J!

Where's your hat?

- She lost her hat?
- Again.

- OLY: Seriously?
- Yep.

Seriously, every morning,
that hat is an issue.

- Did you check her bag?
- Yep.

Her room? Under the stairs?

- Hey, Ol...
- I'm just trying to help.

OK, then, can you maybe
not do this right here?

I'm sorry.

I used to make sure she had it

in her bag after school.

Maybe you should
think about that.

- What was that?
- You heard me.

OK, I really don't need
the back-seat parenting.

"Back-seat parenting"?

Why don't you just go to work?

Mum, Dad,
will you marry each other?

- Oh, um...
- What's this?

Um, that was hidden.
It's my mum's. I wanted it.

Why were you hiding it, though?

I wasn't hiding it.

You just said
you were hiding it.

Well, why are you going
through my drawers, huh?

Trying to find my hat.

Can you please get married
like Gracie's dads?

I need to be a flower girl.

I won't be seven forever.

Ah, J, it's not something
that we do.

I think it would be fun.

You do?

Do you?

I do.

Because we love each other,
and why not?

Let's put it on the to-do list.

Yes!

- [PHONE BUZZES]
- Ooh.

I think that must be
Gracie's dad.

There you are.

I'm going to be Mummy's
and Papi's bridesmaid!

Oh, wow, that's...

Congratulations!

[WHISPERS] It's a joke.

'Bye, J.

OK, well, you guys have

a great day at school.

Love you, puchita.

Thanks.

So...

So... were you actually
thinking about proposing?

Um...

Yeah. I mean, I was...
Yeah, I was thinking about it.

But the moment kind of passed.

- You've said no before, so...
- We were kids.

- So, do you want me to propose?
- No.

I mean, we told J that we would,
but she'll forget that.

What would a wedding between us
even look like?

Right.

I don't know.

You wear a white dress,
Dom would walk down the aisle

and then... he'd hand you over
to me.

f*ck off!

[LAUGHS] What?

I mean, we'd have to get
married in the registry office.

We can't afford a wedding.

Registry office. How romantic.

OK, wait, so, hold on.

Do you want to
get married or...?

I don't know.

You'll have to ask to find out.
You're the man.

Uh-huh.

I mean, you'll have to take
my last name.

Really?

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes?

I'm not back-seat parenting,

but could you pay
the school fees?

They're overdue.

We need to sew patches

on J's jujitsu gear.

She's got Jude's birthday
on Saturday.

Could you pick something up?

Even if it's just a voucher?

Which one's Jude again?

- Do you need my spreadsheet?
- Sure.

Is there anything else that
you would like me to do today?

Uh, have you started
the Book Week costume?

The landlord said

he'd take $30 off my rent
per week for this.

Just for a little bit
of extra work.

And you couldn't do it yourself?

Huh?

How's the study going?

Yeah, it's good.

And the Mr Mumming?

I'm not Mr Mum, Dad.

Hey, I admire it.

Kids are...

Kids are hard work, mate.

Yeah. Tell me about it.

You know, J found Mum's
engagement ring this morning.

She wants Oly and I
to get married.

[LAUGHS]

Oly wouldn't have that, eh?

Actually,
she was kind of into it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Careful they don't turn you
into a man like her father.

- What do you mean?
- Or her... or her brother.

They're good blokes, Dad.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Santi,

you're a modern man.

That's why you'll make
an excellent wife.

I'm not a f*ck' wife, Dad.
I'm her partner.

Partner?
She makes all the money.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Mate, I was just joking.

- SANTI: Yeah, I know.
- MATIAS: Hey, I admire it.

BOTH: Ooh.

Is this, uh, part of your...

'Zen in the Art of Archery'.

Yeah, I've been
reading it again.

I've just been trying to
get myself centred, you know?

Yeah, I need to do that.
It's a great place, man.

Thanks, man.

Yeah, I bought it with the money
that my dad left me.

Oh. Nice work, Dad. [CHUCKLES]

How's your
living situation going?

Where do I start?

Ange has moved out while she's
doing the tree thing, right,

and let the kids' bloody mate
move in.

Now, Vince, admittedly
is a nice guy, but...

- It's your house.
- Well, half my house.

- So, what are you gonna do?
- Oh, goodness knows.

I'll have to rent, I guess,
if I can find somewhere.

[CHUCKLES] Rent?

Well, yeah. What else
do you expect me to do?

Come on, mate.

Just cut the foreplay and ask.

Ask what?

What I...I can...

I can stay here?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Was it
really a problem to ask?

- Of course you can live here.
- What, at your place?

- Yeah! Yeah, it'll be great.
- Permanently?

Yeah, it'll be like
share housing in our 20s,

except we've got money now,
we can clean up after ourselves,

we can finally work on
that record store plan...

Yes, yeah, and, um,
I have some Radiohead posters

that I think
you might like, framed,

and a, uh...

Oh, I've got a... a rug
that I got from Morocco.

- Oh, great!
- Yeah.

I think it'd really
tie the room together.

[LAUGHS] Great!

- You sure?
- Yes.

[DOM LAUGHS]

I am the walrus.

- I am the walrus.
- [LAUGHS]

So, how'd you make detective
so young?

Kinda just sort of, like,
got fast-tracked,

and I have an IQ of 280,
so, yeah.

You know that means
we're enemies, right?

I'm doing law.

No way. I, um...
I studied law for a while.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

My dad's an academic,
my mum's an oncologist.

You know, they... they wanted me
in the professions, so...

But then you dropped out?

Yeah, you know, I wanted
to be at the coalface

building cases
against bad guys and...

It's... Yeah. What about you?

So, you, um...

So, you were married in London

and then, what,
you... you left or...?

Yeah, I think I was doing what I
thought my dad wanted me to do.

OK, but, what, you're not doing

what your dad wants you
to do anymore or...?

I'm doing what I want to do.

Oh.

Um, uh, this is me, by the way.

Well, this has
been enlightening.

Mm-hm.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Do you want to get coffee?

Uh... uh, now?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I would like that.

Mariam.

Mariam is super cool
and Muslim and single.

- No. Don't do...
- Yes.

No, I know what
you're trying to do.

- Yes.
- MARIAM: Hey.

Hey, Mar.

Um, come get coffee with us?

- Now?
- Yeah.

- Sure.
- This is Rakim.

Salam.

He is single
and he's on the prowl.

- Is he?
- No, he's not on the prowl.

He's not on the prowl.

[THOUGHTFUL MUSIC]

[PHONE BUZZES]

- Hey, what's up?
- SANTI: Hey.

I was just thinking,

I feel like we haven't really
spent time just us in a while.

So...

So...?

Do you want to get
some dinner tonight or...?

Do you mean, like, with J?

I could probably
get Vince to babysit.

So, a date night?

Yeah, date night.

You're not going to propose,
are you?

Hide a ring in my dessert,

make me the happiest girl
in Glebe?

I don't know. Maybe I will.

No, that was... that was a joke.

No... no proposals, promise.

OK. I'd like that.

OK, 'bye.

That was very, very clearly
police intimidation.

I know the cops involved.

Oh, of course you do. You all
watch each other's backs, right?

No, no, no. No, no, I...
I reject that insinuation.

That... that lawyer
clearly broke road rules

in front of the detectives

in order that
she would be pinged

in order that she could
scream 'police intimidation'.

OK, A, that just
sounds like bullshit,

and, B, even if she did,

the detectives fell for it
'cause they're so stupid.

You guys want another coffee?

No, I'm... I'm OK, thank you.

Um, OK. That's my problem
with lawyers.

A, you think you're all
smarter than cops.

- Guilty as charged.
- Thank you.

And B, you think
the entirety of your job

is to beat other lawyers
through superior knowledge

and manipulation
of the law and...

Yeah, yeah, OK.

We're not defending the innocent
and punishing the guilty.

No. No, no, no. No, you're not.
No, we're doing that.

You're engaging in, like,
adversarial sophistry.

Am I wrong, or...?

Um, no?

See, you can see why
he didn't make it as a lawyer.

- Oh.
- He thinks like a cop.

- Mm.
- Black and white.

What was it, um,
that you called the guys

that you go after
at the coalface?

Like, uh -
I don't know - suspects?

No, no, no, no,
you called them the bad guys.

[LAUGHS] No.

Everything is
a simple binary for you.

- Good and bad. Us and them.
- No, no, my world...

My world is not binary,
it's monistic.

MARIAM: What's monistic?

It's like unity.

One principle.
The law is the law.

The law is the law.

Yes, and... [CLEARS THROAT]
...I believe I uphold that.

And God is God, eh?

And detectives are God.

So, what does that make
us lawyers?

Annoying.

[AIRY MUSIC]

And I have to go.

This was fun.

You two,
Mariam is doing nursing.

His mum is a doctor.

- 'Bye.
- MARIAM: Enjoy.

- See ya.
- REEMA: See ya.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hey, I'm just leaving now.

Yeah.

Wait, are you serious?

- Hey!
- Hey.

Hey.

- How you going?
- Good.

Come meet the guys.

How long do we have to stay for?

Just, like, a drink or two.

- Why are you acting weird?
- I'm not acting weird.

She wanted to meet you.

"Oh, it's only local council,"
and I nearly...

MARCUS: Wait, he didn't f*ck'
say that.

No, he f*ck' did.

- What a f*cking c*ck-twazzle.
- [LAUGHS]

This is Santi, my partner.

- Hi, hi.
- Hey.

Oh, oh! Sorry. Bum chin.

You didn't tell me
about that. Yeah.

- I'm Shauna, Oly's boss.
- Santi.

Yes. This is the Chrises,
and Marcus.

Mate, grab a drink.

SANTI: Oh, thanks, man.

- Oh, you remember Kingsley?
- Yeah.

And he's this f*ck'
Liberal Party c*ck-twazzle.

Literally worked
for local council...

[SOFTLY] We'll just have one
and then go, right?

MARCUS: Didn't last long,
did he?

SHAUNA: No, he didn't,
thanks to you.

I need to network. She's, like,
never nice to me like this.

This isn't networking, Oly.

She's getting drunk
and talking sh*t.

We called in
a babysitting favour for this.

I mean, this is,
like, ridiculous.

SHAUNA: More fizz?

It's cheap,
but it gets the job done.

Just like you, Oly. [LAUGHS]

No, I'm sor... I'm kidding.

You're great. She's great.

You're doing great.

What about you, hey?

You up to her standard or what?

Nah, I just, um... I look
after our daughter and...

Sorry. Daughter?

As in a real child? Human child?

Yeah.

You have never mentioned that.

[LAUGHS] You are
a stone-cold m*therf*cker.

That is ruthless. Oh, my God!

Wow, OK. How old is she?

Seven.

Seven!

You must have been children.



That's...
I'm actually very impressed.

Now, that... that is ambition.

Hey, don't worry,
it's important work, though,

you know, so...

All those nights
and not a peep. Man.

- Santi's the best.
- Yeah. But no more, yeah?

- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, God, no. God.

Get it over with young.

If you say,
I'll take your word for it.

- Cheers to that.
- We might have more.

- [LAUGHS] No, we won't.
- Yeah, we probably will.

- No, we won't.
- We talked about it.

Why not?

Won't slow you down.
I do everything anyway.

- OLY: Santi, that's not...
- That is true. It's very true.

- SANTI: Um...
- OLY: I'm sorry.

We're not gonna go
all Virginia Woolf on you.

This has been great.
A pleasure to meet you.

SHAUNA: Thank you.

Love the work you're doing here.

Yeah.

Santi!

Santi!

What is going on with you
at the moment?

You didn't tell them
that you had a kid?

- Are you ashamed?
- No, I'm not ashamed.

Everybody thinks that mothers
don't have ambition.

Oh, you know what?

I didn't want them
to see me like that.

You do realise that
you named her Jacinda

after a prime minister
who had a baby in office

and now you're hiding it
from your employer.

Yeah, but I'm not
a prime minister.

I'm an entry-level
policy assistant.

What was your plan?

Were you gonna keep lying
till J was 18?

I don't know.

Don't you ever wish
you could be someone else?

No! What the f...?

What the f*ck
are you saying, Oly?

I don't know. It doesn't matter.

SANTI: No, it...

I've got you and I've got J,

so I play the cards I'm dealt.

We're both a responsibility
for you?

I do everything.

- You honestly believe that?
- Yes.

- Really?
- I do everything.

Why are you so angry right now?

Because I wanted to have
a nice night with you.

I booked f*cking
nice dinner reservation

and then I'm in there being
treated like I don't even exist.

Oh, so, it's about your ego?

No, but you saying that
your job is more important...

You're a mother!

Yes?

You have responsibilities.

- And I earn all of our money.
- Oh, OK.

- And I organise everything...
- Sure.

...so that you don't even have
to think about anything.

You get up, you get dressed,
you go to work.

We don't see you.

And f*ck you
for bringing up money.

That's a f*ck' load of sh*t.

One day, I'm gonna make
more money than you

and then I'm gonna humiliate
you like you're doing to me.

Santi, I'm not trying
to humiliate...

You don't even do half the
housework or half the parenting.

You're like
an old-school 1950s husband.

If you were a man, you and
your mum would hate yourself.

You would sit around
whinging about you

and how selfish you are,

but because you're a woman,
I'm supposed to clap.

Everything you just said
is total bullshit.

- No, it's not.
- You sound like your dad.

Uh, OK.

You sound like
a f*cking chauvinist!

You're not a real mother. I am.

I wasn't going to
propose tonight

and I'm not going to.

- [DOOR SLAMS]
- [TV PLAYS QUIETLY]

Hi, sweetheart.

- [OLY STOMPS]
- [FRIDGE DOOR RATTLES]

- [BOTTLES CLINK]
- [FRIDGE DOOR SLAMS]

- [OLY SLAMS OBJECT ON BENCH]
- [PLASTIC BAG RUSTLES]

Everything OK?

I'm fine.

I'm just making J's lunch,

because apparently
I'm not a mother.

Yep. I'm going to sleep.

What are you talking about?

Hey.

Sweetheart.

Stop.

What happened?

I'm working my arse off,
my boss is a total psycho,

and I'm... I'm... I'm doing
everything I can

to make it easier for him

because I know
how hard it is for him.

You're doing a great job, babe.

Yeah, well,
Santi doesn't think so.

He said I'm not a real mother.

[OLY SOBS]

DOM: You go to bed
and get a good night's rest.

I'll make the lunch.

Love you.

Sorry, I'm late.

I had something unexpected
come up.

OK, I've got fresh tomatoes
and everything,

stupid expensive
Parma prosciutto,

handmade fettucine and...

[CORK SQUEAKS]

Vodka. Uh, in the sauce?

Uh, that's... that's amazing.

You right?

Yep, yep, yep, I'm OK.

I, uh, picked us up

a very expensive bottle
of gaglioppo.

Gaglioppo? What's gaglioppo?

It's an Italian
dry grape varietal.

Wow, I've never even heard
of gaglioppo.

My wife - well, my ex-wife -

she only ever drank shiraz,
so this is fun.

Awesome.

We can just have it in
a couple of latte glasses.

Yeah! Let's do it in a tumbler.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Santi.

Hey, Dom!

You know Tim?

Ex-SAS, k*lled a bunch of guys.

We don't talk about
our kills, Dom.

They don't like to talk about
their kills, Santi.

Hey, I need your help.

Now? Uh, nah,
I've got an assignment.

Yeah, we've all got assignments.

- I'm busy, so...
- I'm not asking.

And this is serious.

We have to pick up a pool table

and potentially
a pinball machine.

Maybe some antique
martini glasses.

So, we need your help.

Get in the van
or I'll use karate on you.

[WHISPERS] Karate.

- [WHISPERS] Hiyah.
- You guys are so stupid.

Hiyah!

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

[SIGHS]

Alright, kids in the middle.

[SIGHS] It's very tight.

We in?

Right, best Radiohead song
per album.

Uh, 'The Bends'. Go.

- 'High and Dry'.
- 'Fake Plastic Trees.'

Oh. Close. Good point.

Uh, 'Hail to the Thief'?

- Ooh, uh...
- Yeah. Probably...

Radiohead are
such a depressing band.

Don't take the bait.

Santi I've warned you,
he is a k*ller.

Radiohead are complex
and sophisticated.

Yeah, no, you're right.
I'm sorry.

- Idiot!
- [ENGINE STARTS]

[GRUNTS]

Alright.

- I'll go settle up.
- Cool.

We done?

Santi, me and you
are gonna walk back.

No, no, no. That...
that wasn't part of the deal.

So, Oly was a little bit upset
last night, old mate.

Yeah, well, so was I.

Yeah. Yeah, she mentioned.

I mean, that's the thing with
other people's relationships.

You... don't know where
to draw the line, you know?

I guess when J grows up,

you'll be in
the same boat as me.

But, um, it's kind of...

What are you trying to say, Dom?

I'm trying to say

I need you to be
more supportive of her, right?

To not upset her the way that...

No, OK, she needs to be
more supportive of me.

I'm doing everything I can
so she can do what she wants

and it's fine, but...

- You're doing everything?
- Yeah, I am.

You get one kid ready for school
in the morning.

Oh, f*ck off, Dom.

You know what?
Maybe I'm just not like you.

I don't put up with sh*t.

I'm a man. I'm not OK
with anyone f*cking me o...

A man?

A man who got
my daughter pregnant,

whose life got derailed?

OK.

She is working her arse off
playing catch-up

to support you and J.

I know.

And you guilting her
doesn't help, alright?

Now, if I see her upset
like that again,

I'm coming round with
a f*ck' baseball bat

to my house where you live
and I don't.

Is that man enough
for you, man? Hey?

Dom, relax.

Oly and I, we just had a fight.
That's all.

OK.

OK, well,
don't f*ck with me, OK?

And don't...

...don't dis Radiohead.

Sure.

[SANTI EXHALES]

Don't know what happened there.

It's OK. Are you OK?

Haven't been OK for years.

It is difficult
being in a relationship

with a brilliant woman.

It is hard
to not be competitive,

but that's your problem, mate,
not hers.

So, I'm supposed to just be
a passenger in her life?

It's better than
not being in her life.

She's nearly better than me
at everything anyway, Dom.

Oh, mate, 'nearly'?

She is better than
all of us at everything

and has been since she was born.

You can't punish her
for it, mate.

You can't bring her down
to our level.

- Yeah, I know.
- I'm sorry.

- It's OK.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're right.

You know we nearly
got engaged yesterday?

So, I'd be, uh...
Mr Chalmers-Davis.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You going to ask
for my permission?

Oh, yeah. Of course.

Marriage is bullshit anyway.

Ever heard that song
'A Punch Up at a Wedding?'

SANTI: Let me guess - Radiohead?

Found it.

- Hey, darling.
- Hey.

Oh, what's the matter?

I don't want to tell you
because you'll just... react.

No, I won't. What is it?

I had a fight with Santi about
me working and him parenting.

Ugh! [GRUNTS]

See?

[GRUNTS]

And I can't just tell him
that he's being unreasonable

because it's what he's feeling.

I can't make him not feel it.

Mm. [FLAPS LIPS]

Santi's a...

He's a good bloke.

He's a manly sort of a man,

but he's working through that.

And he's chosen you
and he knew what he was getting.

Which was?

A very, very, very strong woman

with progressive ideas

and he's lucky.

Oh, 'progressive'?
You'll love this.

I thought he was going to
ask me to marry him yesterday

and I felt like
the luckiest girl in the world.

Oh, no, you're not
getting married, are you?

No, because he hates me now.

Why did he want to get married?

Because he loves me.

Or because he wanted to tick
some sort of masculinity box

so that he could say
he had a wife?

Do you think...
marriage means more to men?

Dom did
the shittest proposal ever.

I was doing a wee
with the bathroom door open

and he was so nervous,
he fumbled the ring.

I could see him in the mirror
and... [LAUGHS]

...and he was so emotional

that he couldn't even
get his words out,

so he just, like,
thrust the ring at me,

and I was, like, "No!"

'cause it was
such a sh*t proposal.

And he never did it again.

Poor Dad.

He was so embarrassed.

I sometimes wonder if he'd asked
me again and I'd said yes,

would things be different?

How do you mean?

You know, like 'Sliding Doors',

but, you know,
I didn't believe in marriage.

I would have married Edie, though.

I've got to go, Mum.

OK, I'm gonna do some yoga.

See you, darling. Mwah!

Ah, thank you, Abuelo.

I'll bring all the stuff back

when I'm done with
the Book Week costume.

OK. Ah, Santi, Santi, Santi.

- Adios.
- Thanks, Abuelo.

Ciao.

Hey.

Wow! The Book Week costume
looks so good.

It's a lot of work.

Yeah. It's getting there.

Hey, um...

I'm really sorry
about last night.

You're an amazing mum, Oly.

I know.

I love you.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

And I really want to support you
any way I can.

Same.

Wanna try for dinner again?

- Yeah.
- OK.

Come on.

What are you doing?

- Santiago Hernandez...
- No, no, no, stop, stop, stop.

Oly, please, don't do that.

Please.

- I was just...
- Can you...

[SANTI MUTTERS]
Why do you always...?

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

Santi?

Santi!

See?

[SANTI SIGHS]

[STAMMERS] I wanted to do...

- Oly, will you marry...
- No!

What?

You said no, so I'm saying no.

Why should you get to ask?

Because I've got
a proper ring and you don't.

- Papi?
- No! She said no.

Why?

'Cause she asked outside
and I said no,

so now she's saying no.

- Do you two want to get married?
- SANTI AND OLY: Yes!

- Wait.
- OK, how about this?

How about we ask each other
at exactly the same time?

Can your ego handle that?

Yeah. Can yours?

On three?

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

One, two, three,
and then ask,

or one, two, ask?

- One, two, ask.
- This is a good solution.

Yeah. Your mum's
really, really smart.

SONG: ♪ You will never know
Do whatever y'all say so

♪ Till about a quarter of
my life has almost passed

♪ Even shorter if you
mightn't be making it last

♪ When I was on
the back seats saying

♪ Don't know how
I feel about you

♪ Got my hopes up
and I keep on fantasising

♪ And I know
it's just a feel... ♪

Ready? Both on three.

BOTH: One, two...

♪ I just wanna be about you

♪ Just to be about you

♪ Don't know how I feel
about you

♪ Just to feel it there

♪ I see the way your dawdling

♪ It's like an inkling

♪ It's the kind of thing
that make you sort of think

♪ And I just wanna be with you
I got the better view... ♪

♪ Don't know
how I feel about you

♪ Got my hopes up

♪ And I keep on fantasising

♪ And I

♪ Know it's just a feel
about you

♪ Got my hopes up

♪ And I keep on fantasising... ♪