♪
The best things
in life are free
♪
But you can give them
to the birds and bees
♪
I need money
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
This crazy old lady
lived alone down in Fremont,
no friends, no relatives.
The day the county buries her,
nobody even shows.
A couple of days later,
someone from the state tax office comes poking around
and sees this trunk
in her attic.
What does he find?
A mother lode of rare coins,
totally uncirculated,
like they just
came out of the mint.
Maybe her husband, who died a while back,
had the coins from years ago.
Maybe she didn't even
know they were there.
So being there are
no relatives or will,
the state
confiscates them, right?
And they're going to
sell them, auction them off.
But before they do that,
my friends,
these coins have
to be appraised,
and that happens right
here in San Francisco
at the Professional
Coin Grading Service.
♪
Money don't
get everything, it's true
♪
But what it don't get,
I can't use
♪
I need money
♪
That's what I want
They're
on the top floor.
Pick-up's by armored car
from the parking level
between 5:00 and 6:00
in the afternoon.
Armored car.
Hey, hey, fashion plate,
you get that?
Yeah, the trick is to blot.
Don't rub.
I don't believe
this guy, man.
It's a $60 silk tie.
It's not gonna happen, Ray.
Bobby, Bobby, Carl,
listen to me.
We pull this off,
you can buy a thousand silk ties.
You can be the silk tie
king of San Francisco, babe,
but first you gotta pay some kind of attention here.
I'm with the program, Ray.
I'm listening.
Very, very,
very big.
Damn right, Bobby.
That sort of looks like fun,
like an amusement park.
Yeah, do I
look like I care?
Come on, come on.
Let's go, let's go.
♪
What I want
♪
Whole lot of money
♪
That's what I want
♪
Uh-huh
♪
That's what I want
So the question is,
my friends,
how much was this
poor old widow worth
when they lowered her
into potter's field?
A million five.
That's 750 grand to us,
a quarter million
dollars apiece.
Uh, who's the fence?
A guy named Dobbs.
He's a real specialist, Bobby.
Breaks coins out of their holders so they can't be traced,
then he moves them to people in Hong Kong and Europe.
Yeah! There it is.
It's a Latin word.
Numismatist, numismatist.
A coin expert, right? Can't you say that, man?
I could have said it,
but I've got pizza in my face. Coin expert.
Nah, don't get it, Bobby.
It's probably Nadine.
I thought
you liked Nadine.
I do. I did.
Until she got me
that stupid plant.
Believe me, when a lady
gives you a plant,
it's her little way
of testing you.
Like, if you can
take care of it,
it's a sign to her that she can move the relationship to the next level.
Trust me, when a woman
gives you something
you got to water, feed
or take for a walk,
it's time to dump her.
Well, I can tell you this,
it sure looks sick.
It dies, it dies.
You guys in?
Nah, not interested, really.
Nah.
Get out! Come on. Yeah.
The coin auction
is next Wednesday.
They're moving them from the grading service to the auction house
on Monday.
Oh, man, I love that.
We grab the stuff
while they're moving it.
We hit an armored car, Ray,
a moving armored car?
That is great.
We need a major firearms, man.
A couple of AK-47s.
They got these... Bob.
These bazookas, man,
that have pinpoint accuracy.
Bob, we are not invading Iraq.
I would like to do this job without having to wear a flak jacket.
Man, besides,
we'll never find one Carl's size.
Hey, don't do that!
Don't poke the cake.
Do you have any idea how long it took me to do this?
Ray...
Hey, you know what?
You remind me of that Michael dude.
You know, the guy that did the ceiling over in Italy.
The church ceiling.
The Michael dude,
Michelangelo?
That's him. That's him.
Except you,
you paint with frosting.
And, you know, for my money,
that's much better. I mean, this is beautiful.
Hey, don't smoke, Bob.
Don't smoke in here.
Stand right here.
Stand right next to me.
Did you just poke
the cake again?
I was putting
something back.
Stand right over here with Bobby.
Come on, man, what are you doing?
To honor, to hold
and to always cherish.
Come over here.
Feed me, baby.
Feed me, feed me,
feed me.
Submitted for your approval
Sunday, 6:00 p.m.
A lonely stretch
of California highway.
Timmy Gleason
suddenly realizes
he's been abducted
by alien beings.
The driver says
his name is Wayne.
Timmy knows he's actually a hideous blob from another galaxy.
Okay, I'm telling you right now for the last time,
get that thing out of my face.
Get it out of my face.
Now sit back and be quiet.
Hey, hey! Timmy, honey,
do what Wayne says.
Don't you do what Kitty says?
Come here.
Sure, Wayne
looked human,
right down
to his bald spot,
but Timmy knew
it was all a disguise.
No real human could ever eat three Double Whoppers in one sitting.
Okay, that's it. I told him
no more with the bald jokes.
Come on, buddy, let's go.
Give me that camera, you little jerk.
- Hey, Timmy...
- Give it here.
Wayne! Watch out!
What are you
trying to do, k*ll us?
Give me that camera,
you little jerk!
Alien lashes out,
spewing secret sauce.
Come here. Give it here.
Stop it now,
please! We're okay.
Please, we're okay, honey.
Now, Timmy,
shut that camera off.
There's soda
all over the seat.
This car is a classic!
All right. We pull into a gas station,
we clean it up. Simple.
We'll clean it up?
There aren't enough towels to clean this up.
I just sat on my cheeseburger.
Don't you move.
Do not move.
I just want to hose off the seat before the soda crystallizes.
We'll be fine, okay?
Here we are.
Look out.
Okay, Timmy, get as many paper towels as you can.
Okay, sweetheart?
Hurry it up.
Ouch! You just
kicked my hand.
I told you we shouldn't
have brought him with us.
Well, what was I supposed to do with him?
Nobody would take him.
I'll tell you what I'd
like to do with him.
I'd like to drive off
and leave him here.
Hey, now.
He's walking
all over the car.
He is never, never, never,
never going to get this, man.
All right, Carl. Let's do it
one more time, all right?
You remember in high school science class,
where the teacher did
that little demonstration
with the rats and the maze?
I'm sorry.
You were probably sick that day.
Look, all we're
trying to do, Carl,
is create a situation
where we make the guards go exactly where we want them to go,
just like...
Rats in a maze.
Yeah, right.
Right, right.
Very good.
Hey, shut up,
Bobby, shut up.
See, we get them
to end up right here.
Okay? We do the grab.
Nobody gets hurt.
Nothing goes wrong.
Oh, yeah.
That's what you said when we boosted those VCRs.
Right?
I did four years in Folsom for stealing Betamaxes
for Christ's sake.
It wouldn't have been half so bad, Ray,
if we got caught with something you could actually sell,
you know,
like a VHS machine?
Even the judge
laughed at us.
That was a mistake, Bob.
And you weren't the only one doing time,
my friend.
Don't forget that.
What about your guy Dobbs, huh?
What if he burns us?
He's not gonna burn us.
He's the one
who turned me on to it.
Bobby, come here. I'm sorry.
Come here, come here, come here.
Hey, listen, guys.
I got this wired, huh?
We walk in,
we walk out.
Nothing can possibly
go wrong, okay?
All right, all right, all right,
all right. What about this?
Oh, you know who
that could be. Nadine.
She's going to be very pissed about the plant, Ray.
Ray,
please open the door.
It's Kitty, your sister.
Hide that.
Ray, open up!
I know you're in there!
I know you are.
Open up. It's Kitty.
Hi.
Hey, Kitty. How you doing?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
No, never mind the hugs and kisses.
Please. I don't
have much time.
Now, there's a couple of things that I want...
Oh, my God.
Who's Rocky
and Bullwinkle?
Uh, that's Carl and Bobby.
My sister Kitty.
Hi. How you doing?
What are you doing in town?
You should've called first,
told me you were coming.
I did call you.
I called you 10 times.
You never answer your phone.
You know, he thought
it was Nadine
because she gave him
that plant over there.
Carl, Carl,
get the lady a beer.
No, I don't want a beer.
Got married.
No kidding?
Well, that's great. When?
Three hours ago,
and I'm going on my honeymoon.
Hi, Dad.
"Dad"?
Now, Timmy, I want you
to be a good boy,
and I want you
to just have fun
while you're hanging
with your father, okay?
I'll call you
when I get back,
and he'll put you
on a bus back to Redding.
Oh, dear.
Oh, oh, oh.
Okay. Bye, sugarplum.
Bye!
Hey, whoa, whoa, Kitty!
Kitty, wait a second.
Hey, let me
talk to you a second.
So, you guys
ex-cons, too?
That's seriously
bad timing.
I can't have him
around right now.
I've had him for the last three years, Ray.
Three years.
I know. I know that.
Okay, then you can have him for a few days.
I'm telling you,
this is a bad time.
No! I'm telling you that
I am going on my honeymoon.
Pookie!
Hey, Kitty, you ruin this for me,
I'm telling you...
No! You see that he flosses.
That's all you have to do.
I'll be back
on Saturday.
Hey, Kitty, come on.
Where are you going?
Hey, at least tell me
where you're going.
Can't you take
the kid with you? God!
Ray, Ray, what is
with this kid, man?
We can't have him
hanging around.
I'll handle it.
So, what are we doing
this week?
Heard the aquarium's
not that bad.
Of course, we have to
go to a Giants game.
I'd like to hit the
Natural History Museum.
Tim, listen to me...
I made an itinerary.
That's a schedule
of events.
Yeah.
What's this?
Oh, that's...
None of your business.
Plans for a cake.
What are you guys
so nervous about?
Got something to hide?
Nothing's happening.
No. No, of course not.
Tell you what,
why don't you give me a few minutes, all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm kind of hungry, anyway.
Brought you
something, Dad.
Oh.
A picture of Mom and me.
That's nice.
Tim, that's real nice.
You should water this.
It's dying.
What?
Oh.
Hey, Tim,
come here a second.
Go on, sit down.
Let's have a little,
uh, talk, all right?
So, how you doing
in school?
My last Stanford
Achievement Test,
my overall score was
in the 95th percentile.
No kidding.
And that's good?
That means
intellectually
I'm superior to 95 %
of the kids in my class.
Whoa.
That's great.
So...
You dating yet?
I'm 11.
Yeah, yeah.
Always good to wait.
Always good to wait.
I myself didn't start dating
until I was 11 and a half.
Well, this is good.
You know, this is really good.
I'm glad we had
this little talk.
You know, it's...
We should do it more often,
but not right now, Tim.
You see, unfortunately,
you picked a bad week to come,
and I'm not gonna be able to spend any time with you, see?
You know, I'm really swamped at work,
at the bakery.
You know, I do cakes there.
I design cakes.
And, well, we got a lot of cakes this week,
so you understand.
Kitty told me you learned how to do that in prison.
You know, make cakes.
Yeah. Yeah, it was
kind of a course I took.
I wanted to get into counterfeiting class,
but it was all full up.
Let me have that, will you?
What was it like in prison?
Did you ever try escaping?
Escaping?
No. They kind of
frown on that, Tim.
Got signs posted
and everything.
Did you get my letters?
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
Why didn't you write back?
I guess I didn't
know what to say, Tim.
I mean,
what am I going to write?
"Having a wonderful time.
Wish you were here?"
You never even sent me
a birthday card.
Yeah, you know,
I'll tell you what.
Why don't you go on down to the pizza parlor on the corner?
I got a few things
to discuss with my friends.
Here. Here. Twenty bucks.
Get whatever you want.
Hey, where you going?
If it isn't too much to ask, Dad,
can I use your bathroom?
What is this, man?
You never told me you had a kid.
So, I forgot
to tell you, Bob.
What are you gonna
do with him, man?
He gets curious,
he could blow this whole thing.
Don't worry about it.
You know, so I'm stuck with him.
We'll work around it.
He's just a kid.
There's no way he's going to find anything out here.
Hey, listen, fellas,
we're set for tomorrow,
and we nail it.
We nail it clean, all right?
Yeah, no, no. It'll work,
it'll work. It's cool.
Hey, Tim.
I gotta go.
I left some money here for you on the table
in case you wanna go to the market or anything.
You gonna be okay?
Yeah, anyway, uh...
I'll be back late.
I got to go to work now.
Stay out of trouble,
all right?
The Bulls down by one
with two seconds left.
Jordan steals!
Jordan to Pippen!
Pippen to Paxson.
Paxson to Pippen.
Slam dunk.
Sorry.
Hey, Ray.
We can do this.
No sweat.
Let's go.
Rent-a-cop has arrived.
The detour is wired.
Nonstop to you.
Here we go.
Looks like we got
a stuck elevator here.
Okay, let's walk up.
Oh! Don't sh**t, fellas.
Okay.
Hey, fellas,
how you doing?
Charlie?
Keep going.
Charlie.
What's taking
you guys so long?
Do you mind?
I'm taking a dump.
Where's Mel?
He's taking a dump, too.
The both of you's
taking a dump? Together?
That's against regulation.
State your status.
State your status.
I got a possible 211
in progress.
Give me the bag.
You can do it, man.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Come on!
Go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Damn it!
How in God's...
Slow down, will you!
They were in my way.
Oh.
We did it, Ray.
We done good, Bobby.
Out of our way, Bobby!
What the hell you doing, man?
That's sports.
And now, here's Mary Dilts,
reporting live with a breaking story from downtown.
Mary?
I'm standing
in front of the building
where this afternoon
two armed guards
were robbed of $1.5
million in rare coins.
The guards had just
picked up the coins here
from the Professional
Coin Grading Services
when two men overpowered them on the second floor,
tied them up and made off with the coins.
This is Mary Dilts,
reporting live from San Francisco.
One point five million?
No, no, no.
This deal is COD.
Okay, how much time
do you need?
Hey, this is not
the way we agreed.
Okay, fine.
That's what you need, all right.
See you then.
Change of plans, fellas.
What do you mean,
"change of plans"?
Dobbs needs more time
to get the cash.
He'll see us Sunday.
Sunday? Man, that is six days.
What are we gonna do with the coins till then?
It's no problem, Bobby.
You said this guy
was good, man.
No, he's good.
What are you doing?
Up here.
How come we're hiding
the stuff at your place?
'Cause no one
will find it up here.
Nobody ever comes up here.
Nobody comes
up here, Ray?
You don't think maybe
you're gonna be tempted
to come up here, maybe,
when we're not around?
Aw, give me a break,
will you, Bobby?
Yeah, well, I wanna split now, okay?
I want my share now.
Yeah, how are we
going to do that, Bob?
Each one of these coins has got a different value.
You know what I mean?
I'll tell you what,
when we get the money,
that's when we split.
Hey. That sounds right to me, Bobby.
Come on.
Here.
Give me a hand
with this.
There's somebody
there, man.
There we go.
What'd you see
there, huh?
Mike Wallace
and the 60 Minute crew?
Come on, Bobby, look.
This is safe as Fort Knox.
Come on, let me buy
you fellas a beer, huh?
That's good. Until we move this stuff, man,
I'm watching you.
Okay. You watch me, Bobby.
Gonna buy a beer?
Yeah, let's go, fellas. Look at that,
a beautiful night, huh?
Wait a minute.
What?
I'm gonna check on my kid.
♪
If you start me up
♪
If you start me up
I'll never stop
♪
If you start me up
♪
If you start me up
I'll never stop
Hey, Ray, that's
doing pretty good.
Oh, yeah.
Get a chance to open
your own bakery, maybe?
Yeah.
Being your
own boss, huh?
I knew if I could just
get one big score,
I could turn the corner,
and this is it, man.
This is it.
This is my chance.
First time in my life
I've got a future.
♪
You make a grown man cry
♪
You make a grown man cry
♪
You make a grown man cry
Well, you did it, Ray.
We did it.
Yeah.
And nobody can take that away from us.
Not nobody.
So, what do we do?
We celebrate.
That's right.
That's right.
Hey, where
in the hell's Bobby?
You going someplace,
Bob? Huh? Hey, Bobby?
All right, all right.
Yeah, I'm going someplace.
I'm going someplace.
I'm going after my share, okay?
How many times
do I gotta tell you...
You're not telling me
nothing. Now!
Now is when we split the coins.
Three ways.
Then when Dobbs comes,
that's when we pool our stash together,
and we split
the coins even, okay?
Bobby, I'm telling you...
No, listen to me, man!
Listen to me now!
You do this my way,
my way, my way,
Ray, or I swear to God,
every single time
I get up to take a leak,
you are going to be
worrying about me.
Okay.
Each one of us reaches into the bag and grabs a coin.
We do this until there
are no more coins left.
And I don't want to hear
anyone complaining
about what coins they get
because it's all up to chance.
What the hell's
going on here?
What? Where is it?
Where is it?
Excuse me, guys.
I think we better talk.
After I raided
your hiding place,
I spread your coins
out here on the table
and video-taped them
with my camera.
I also got some good shots of you guys coming into the building,
so I'm sure the cops will have no trouble identifying you.
What the hell are you trying to pull,
you little weasel?
Bob, Bob...
All right, all right.
Go on, Tim.
That video's on its way
to a friend of mine,
along with a letter
that tells the whole story.
Well,
you got us.
Come on, fellas.
You got to admit he got us, am I right?
Yeah.
He got us.
That was good.
Good.
So, the coins, Tim.
Where are the coins?
Wouldn't you like to know?
Okay, that's it!
If I sassed my old man,
he would take his belt to me,
which is exactly
what I'm gonna do.
No, no! I just
want to talk to him.
Ray, Ray, come on.
Come on, he's okay.
Fine, I'm all right.
Hey, would you relax, please?
No one's hurting
anybody here.
No, no. I'm not
gonna hurt him.
No, he's a kid.
That's right. 'Cause
if anything happens to me,
and I don't call my friend every night with a new password,
he's gonna take that video
straight to the cops,
and you'll all go to jail
for a long, long time.
Okay. All right, so
I'm not the model father.
You're angry.
I understand that,
but I still am your father, Tim,
and I know something.
I know that you would never rat on your own flesh and blood.
Just try me.
God.
All right.
I'm looking for the coins.
♪
The best things
in life are free
♪
But you can give them
to the birds and bees
♪
I need money
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
Do you see anything
in there?
♪
That's what I want
Did you find them?
♪
Your love gives me
such a thrill
♪
But your love
don't pay my bills
You're not even warm.
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
Money
♪
That's what I want
♪
Lots of money
♪
That's what I want
♪
Whole lot of money
♪
That's what I want
All right, let's think.
He could have rented
a locker somewhere,
one of those storage places around the airport or bus station.
Could be in
a million places.
What about this?
What if he didn't send anything to a friend?
There is no friend.
What if he's bluffing?
He could be bluffing.
Mmm.
Hi.
Nah, he's not bluffing.
God.
I'm gonna k*ll him.
Now you're talking. We make him talk.
Just let me have one second.
Bob, listen to me.
Anybody kills him,
I k*ll him,
you understand me?
All right. Okay.
Okay, Tim, you've had your fun.
Now I want to know,
what do you want?
What does he want?
He wants in on the deal!
That's what he wants.
He's not getting any of my share, okay?
This is your kid.
You can split with him.
I don't want any money.
I think stealing is wrong.
Oh, you think
stealing is wrong?
How come you stole
the coins from us?
Hey, hey.
Do you mind, please?
Listen, you don't
understand this, Tim.
You know who
those coins belong to?
Well, me right now.
They don't belong
to anybody, Tim.
They used to belong to this little old lady,
but she died.
And the government, the state confiscated them.
They stole them, Tim.
And now they're trying
to sell them.
And you know where
that money's going to?
To buy limousines for fat-cat politicians.
That's where.
But you know what I'm
gonna do?
See, I'm gonna buy the place I
work, you know, the bakery.
I'm gonna expand.
I'm gonna hire more people.
Those people
will pay more taxes.
And eventually the government
will make its money back,
and your dad will have
a respectable business.
No more crime.
He's through.
He's straight, Tim.
So, what you're saying is,
you want to go straight,
but in order to do that,
you have to steal?
Yeah.
I'm 11, and that
seems dumb even to me.
God.
I say we hang him off the roof
by his ankles. Let's vote.
Just tell me,
what do you want?
Ever since I got here,
you've ignored me.
I was planning
a robbery, son.
What did you expect me to do,
take you camping?
You want to know
what I want?
I want this.
What is this?
"Giants game,
the Aquarium, the Museum."
What, you want to go
to these places?
I want you to take me.
I want you to pretend
you like having me
around for the week.
If you do a real
good job, Dad,
I'll tell you
where the coins are.
Well, I'll be crashing.
I'll be taking your bed.
You can take the couch.
I don't believe this.
We're being blackmailed
by an 11-year-old kid.
Now, let me
get this straight.
You're out in the alley,
and you heard two guys arguing
about splitting
their share of the coins?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
And you think their names were Ray and Bob?
Yeah. Bob and Ray,
you know,
like the guys that
were on the radio.
What ever happened to them?
God, they were good.
And you think their fence was someone named Dobbs?
Yeah.
What about my money?
I'm supposed to get 50 bucks for telling you all this stuff.
All right.
So that's it, Walsh, huh?
That's your lead.
- Uh-huh.
Mmm-hmm.
That's your lead.
All right.
That's your lead.
What the hell?
Really? This is
our informant, huh?
Some guy from
Winos "R" Us?
Well, but, sir,
the Brink's guys
couldn't give us
a good description
because they got sprayed in the face with cayenne pepper...
Sir, we'll come back when we've got something more solid to present.
But wait, I think I do have something.
I think I do...
Let me know before my arteries harden,
all right?
Well, sir, based on
what the wino said,
I cross-checked with the names of local perpetrators
who've worked with each other in the area,
and I came up
with these two.
Bobby Drace
and Ray Gleason.
Okay,
Grand Theft, Mail Fraud.
You know,
this is small potatoes.
Just because some juicer thinks he heard
a couple of names that remind him...
Wait. I also checked with NCIC,
and I found out that there have been
four major 487s, coin robberies,
in the past two years.
Now, each time,
an auction house
or coin grading
company was hit.
And you're saying you think these clowns are behind these jobs?
No, but what if Dobbs is?
He's got to be a specialist
to move all this stuff, right?
So maybe he sets it all up,
finds local talent to do the job,
and if that's the case, sir,
these guys could be
waiting for him,
and this could be our chance
to solve all of these cases.
Well, I gotta go talk to Sharon Stone in interrogation.
All I'm saying is,
if we pick up Gleason
and Drace right now,
we could scare off Dobbs.
But if we put them
on a 24-hour surveillance
and wait for Dobbs to show,
we might nail them all.
Damn safety caps.
That's a convincing
argument, Walsh.
Long, but convincing.
Thank you, sir.
All right,
I'm going to give you a few more days,
but you better come up with something quick.
Oh, I will, sir.
Walsh, the fact that I was
friends with your father
doesn't cut any ice here.
Now, your probation report
is coming up.
Don't blow this.
I won't, sir.
Uh, you already took
the bee pollen, sir.
Yeah,
Mr. Wankmueller, sir,
you remember those
vacation days I got coming?
Yeah, well, I kind of got
this family emergency, sir,
and I need to take
a few days off.
Oh, great. Great, sir.
Thank you very much.
Listen, I appreciate that.
I promise I'll
make it up to you, sir.
Thank you.
Let's go.
Come on, you guys.
Let's go.
You know,
this sucks so much.
Hey, Bob, you don't have to
come along, you know.
Oh, no? Listen, Dad,
he tells you
where those coins are,
I'm gonna be
right there to hear it.
Me, too, Ray.
There they are.
I told you.
What's
with the kid?
I don't know.
That's Ray.
This one of yours?
Ooh-la-la.
That's very funny.
Okay, here are the rules.
You guys are coming along,
you have to join in
all the activities. Okay?
Great.
Okay, I'm so excited.
Seatbelts.
I don't think mine
is gonna fit.
It's the law, isn't it?
Oh, come on, we do a boost worth a million
five and I got to worry about a seatbelt law.
And you could put that out, please.
Smoke bothers me.
Does it bother you, tiny, really?
I don't care if it poisons you, okay?
Hey, Bob, douse it.
Damn.
Okay, we can go now.
Aquarium,
what are they doing here?
They could be
robbing the place.
Any minute now,
come running out with a porpoise under each arm.
Hey, Bobby, look at this.
Fish.
It's an aquarium,
what did you expect here, elephants?
Hey look, they're
feeding the sharks.
I wish he was
the main course.
Look at the lips
on that guy.
Hey, pal.
Weird-looking fish, huh?
See that one with spines,
any fish tries to eat that one, boy, gets stung.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Yeah, you see, all fish
got a defense, Tim.
Like a squid.
Shark tries to attack a squid,
shoots black ink in the shark's eyes and then swims away.
It's not really ink.
Squid is not a fish.
Sure it is.
You go to a fish restaurant
and you order calamari,
what do you get?
You're getting squid, right?
I know that,
but squid is not a fish.
Tell you what,
why don't you wait right here for a minute.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sir, I've got to...
You're an expert on fish, right?
I'm giving a tour right now.
Yeah, look, just answer
one question, will you?
A squid, that's a fish.
Am I right?
A squid is a cephalopod,
not a fish.
If you'll all
follow me, please.
A fish on a guy's jacket,
and he thinks he's an expert.
How did you
get so smart, huh?
I don't know.
Certainly doesn't run in the family.
So, Ray,
how are you and the kid getting along?
Terrific, end of the day he'll be in the palm of my hand, Carl.
Great.
All right, who was the last
Giant to win the MVP award?
Barry Bonds, 1993.
Thank you.
Ow! Would you watch it
with that bat, kid?
That's the second time
you've done that.
You! Would you get these monsters off my back?
I'm getting pummeled here.
Okay, kids,
give me your bats.
Jesus Christ.
We gotta come
on Bat Day, right?
A hundred thousand kids
with lethal weapons here.
What's next,
Meat Cleaver Day?
U*i Day?
Do they have to come
everywhere with us?
No, they don't.
You tell me where
you hid the stuff, Tim,
it'll be just you and me.
They'd go away.
If I told you where the stuff was,
you wouldn't take me anywhere.
Yeah, I would.
You gotta trust me.
You got to
give me a chance.
The reason why
they're sticking with us
is 'cause they think I'll tell you where the stuff is,
and you won't tell them.
If they can't trust you,
why should I?
Come on. Come on.
I'm dying here. Where were you?
The line was so long,
you'd have thought
they would be giving
this stuff away.
Come on, come on,
I'm dying. Oh, Jesus.
You're such a jerk.
Come here. Come here.
Sorry.
Where's my ice-cream sandwich?
It's under
the hot dogs in there.
Oh, that's unbelievably
clever, man.
What kind of
brain-dead moron
would put an ice cream...
Look at this thing. Here, you can eat this.
It's still cold.
What's wrong
with you?
Forget it. Forget it.
I'll get my own, all right?
I ask you one lousy favor,
and what do you do?
What is wrong with you?
You blow the whole thing.
Um, Bobby, you better...
I'm not getting you
nothing, okay?
Your father is right here.
That's what he's for.
Bat Day.
Didn't anybody ever teach you how to cast before?
No. My father was
usually in jail.
Here.
You got it
upside-down, here.
Spin it around like that.
Mmm-hmm.
Put your finger
right there on the line.
Like this?
Yeah.
Flip it over like that,
bring it back,
and let 'er rip.
Not too bad.
Did your father
teach you that?
No, Tim, he didn't.
I guess your family
was dysfunctional, too.
That's what we are, you and me.
We're dysfunctional.
You've been watching
way too much Oprah.
Look at them alone out there.
God knows what they're talking about.
You know what
I got to do, Carl?
I got to get that kid all by himself,
just me and him, alone somewhere.
That's what I'll do.
I'll get him alone just once and I will make him talk, Carl.
Carl! Carl!
What?
What are you doing?
I know it sounds goofy,
but it's always gonna look like horses with stripes to me.
It's a greavy zebra, Carl.
Grevy. It's an
endangered species.
Yeah, Ray, that means
threatened with extinction.
Probably won't be around
for much longer.
That's great, Carl.
Where you going?
I'm going to see
the Goral antelope.
Great.
Endangered species.
I've got to
hit the head.
There's one
right over there.
Okay, I'll be back
in a minute.
Daddy! He's watching me pee.
I made a mistake.
No wait, wait, hold on.
I made a mistake.
Ooh.
Who's the kid?
He's got to be
Gleason's son.
It can't be the other two
because he's too good-looking.
Oh, yeah.
Gleason is good-looking.
I wonder what his sign is.
Hold it. Hold it.
Careful!
Jason, the password
for today is "bogus."
Get that?
Yes, I'm having
an excellent time.
Don't forget,
I'll call you every night with a new password.
And if I don't,
take that video straight to the cops.
"Palm of your hand," Ray?
"Palm of your hand"?
Hey, don't worry
about it, Bobby.
Take him a few more places,
he'll loosen up. He'll tell us.
Yeah, well, he better,
or the next time you see his face,
it's gonna be
on a milk carton.
Okay. Bye, Jason.
You guys better
get your sleep.
Got another big day tomorrow.
All right, pal.
I wonder where
we're going tomorrow.
Whoa!
♪
You broke my heart
♪
'Cause I couldn't dance
♪
You didn't even
want me around
♪
And now I'm back
to let you know
♪
I can really shake 'em down
♪
Do you love me?
♪
I can really move
♪
Do you love me?
♪
I'm in the groove
♪
Now, do you love me?
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Now that I can dance
♪
Dance
♪
Watch me now, hey
♪
Work, work
♪
Oh, work it all, baby
♪
Work, work
♪
Well, you drivin' me crazy
♪
Work, work
♪
Just a little bit
of soul now
♪
Work
♪
I can mash potato
♪
I can mash potato
♪
I can do the twist
♪
I can do the twist
♪
Now, tell me
something, baby
♪
Tell me, baby
♪
Do you like it like this?
♪
Do you like it like this?
♪
Tell me
♪
Tell me
♪
Tell me
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Do you love me
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Now that I can dance
♪
Dance
♪
Dance
♪
Watch me now, hey
♪
Work, work
♪
Oh, shake it up
Shake it up
♪
Oh, shake it
Shake it now
♪
Work, work
♪
Oh, a little bit
of soul now
♪
Work, work
♪
Oh, getting it, baby
♪
Work, work
♪
Oh, the right thing, baby
♪
Work, work
♪
Oh, don't get lazy
♪
Work
♪
I can mash potato
♪
I can mash potato
♪
I can do the twist
♪
I can do the twist
♪
Well, now, tell me, baby
♪
Tell me, baby
♪
Do you like it like this?
♪
Do you like it like this?
♪
Tell me
♪
Tell me
♪
Tell me
♪
Do you love me?
♪
Do you love me
♪
Do you love me
♪
Do you love me
♪
Do you love me
Hey, guys.
What?
How about we make this interesting?
Oh, just hit the ball,
you little rodent.
I am so tired of what
you find interesting.
Okay, I was just about to say if any one of you guys beat me,
I'll tell you
where the coins are,
but if you don't
want to do that...
No, no. Now, hold on.
Hold on.
Now, Tim, are you saying
that if any one of us
beat you,
then you'll tell us
where the coins are?
That's what I said.
But if I win...
Yeah, if you win,
what? What?
We got to, like, take you
to Paris tonight?
No, you don't have to take me to Paris,
just Baskin Robbins.
Well, I like
that place.
That can be
arranged. Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Good.
♪
Oh, we gonna ball the wall
♪
Say, can I have
a little fun with you all?
♪
I'm out here all by myself
♪
I ain't got no friends
♪
Just wanna get happy
a little while, that's all
♪
Give me the ball
♪
Don't let me ball the wall
Try to hit your ball
through there,
through the center
of the pirate ship.
You know pirates buried the stuff that they stole?
You know how
they found it later?
Yeah.
They had a treasure map.
Yeah? Great.
I did it! I did it!
All right, all right.
There you go, Carl.
Great.
He is three strokes up on us,
and we are running
out of holes, man.
You completely blew
that last shot, Ray.
You're supposed to get it
in the clown's mouth.
Hey, what about you, Bob?
You took a six
on the windmill hole.
Yeah, take a look at it.
Make this shot
and you win, Dad.
Yeah, yeah.
Just think how much
this putt is worth.
All that money.
Hey, shut up, kid.
What are you trying to do, psych him out?
You can't psych him out.
He's the man.
You can't psych him out.
Bobby, Bobby, don't worry about it.
Okay, buddy. Go ahead.
Go ahead, Ray.
Trunk it in there, Ray.
Yeah, I got it,
Bobby, I got it.
There you go.
Get your hand out, Bob.
Go ahead, Raymond.
Trunk it in there.
Damn!
Not fair!
Not fair!
It went in, and it went out.
It's not fair!
Boy, honey,
some people take this game way too seriously.
One little putt,
and it didn't
go in the hole.
Why didn't it go in the hole?
Can you explain that to me?
I don't know.
Anyway, I'm telling you,
I'm through being jerked around by that little kid, okay?
I am through.
He says one word...
Wait a minute.
Today when we was playing,
the kid said something
about a treasure map.
Yeah? So what?
No, no, no.
It's like when pirates got their gold,
they buried it.
They made a map to where the gold was.
Wait a minute.
You think that he...
I think that little kid made
a map of where the coins are.
That little
son of a g*n.
We got to tell Ray.
Let's go.
Huh? Wait, wait, wait.
Don't tell Ray.
We keep it to ourselves, okay?
We got to check it out
first, all right?
That's the one thing
we don't do
is we don't tell Ray, okay?
Hey, guys.
Boy, that was fun, huh?
Huh, Carl? Carl?
Hey, Ray,
want to drop Carl and me off at your place, buddy?
We're really bushed, okay?
Why? You don't
want any ice cream?
No, I do.
No, no, you two go ahead.
The golf game really took it out of us,
you know?
Okay. See you guys later.
Have a good time. Bye.
Hey.
What?
What do you two
got going on?
Well, Ray...
Nothing, man. Nothing.
We're just gonna hang out,
watch some TV. You don't mind, do you?
Come on, Dad.
Let's go.
Have a good time, okay? Be good.
See you when you get back.
All of a sudden they're not sticking to us like ticks anymore,
like they trust me.
Did you tell them
something?
Only that they shouldn't worry about me
telling you where the hiding place is.
I promised I'd do it
when we were all together.
And they bought that?
Guess so.
Now they don't need
to come with us everywhere.
It's got to be
around here somewhere.
That little punk
thinks he can outsmart me?
It'll be a cold day
in hell, man.
If I was his father,
I'd take his little chicken neck and break it.
Bobby, I'm feeling creepy.
Just look around.
Look, do me a favor.
Pull the blinds.
At least do that, huh?
All right.
Did you check under the bed yet?
Wait a minute.
Whoa, buddy!
Wait a minute.
Give me a light.
Oh, baby, this is it!
Look at this.
"X" marks the spot where he hid the coins.
Yeah?
Oh, man, it's in
some kind of code.
Code, well you
can figure that out.
Of course I can figure it out.
He's a stupid little kid.
You think he can outsmart me?
Well, I mean, Bobby,
he is in the 95th percentile, you know.
Yeah? What's that
supposed to mean?
Well, I think it means that he can outsmart you, Bobby.
Oh, shut up, huh?
I don't care
about percentiles.
Man, have we got that little kid's number now.
Tomorrow when Daddy
and the little boy
go out doing whatever
they do, you and me, buddy,
we are going
on a treasure hunt.
Why do they keep taking that boy everywhere they go?
Maybe he's the brains
of the outfit.
Or maybe he's got
something on them.
So I was thinking, Tim,
maybe we could go
get the coins tonight, Tim,
you know, get it out of the way,
clear the decks,
so we wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.
That's not our deal, Dad.
Our deal's for the week.
What if we do this,
what if you gave
the coins back?
Gave the coins back?
You see, Dad,
I've been thinking.
If I tell you where the coins are,
you're going to get caught.
What are you
talking about?
You always
get caught, Dad.
You're not a good thief.
I mean, come on,
get real.
Hey, don't worry
about me getting caught.
I got this
whole thing planned.
At least, I did
until you showed up.
I'm tired of lying
to my friends.
"Hey, Tim, where's your dad?
How come he never comes to see you?"
"Oh, he's in the CIA.
He's on some secret mission somewhere."
I couldn't tell them where you really were.
It's embarrassing.
Oh, I embarrass you, do I?
Mmm-hmm.
Well, how about
when I own my own bakery?
You know, is that
gonna embarrass you?
I'll always know
how you got it.
Whoever gets those coins
is gonna get caught,
and I don't
want it to be you.
Hey, we got a deal.
I give you
what you want,
then you give me
what I want.
Are we clear on this?
Sure.
Serransky, we got the handoff.
It's about time, Zinn.
Let's take separate cars tomorrow in case they split up again.
What, and leave
you alone? Uh-uh.
Well, I can do the job, Serransky.
I know how to watch a suspect.
Yeah, well,
what I'm worried about is him watching you.
Frankly, you stand out
like a nun in a singles bar.
Now look, Theresa,
don't take this personally,
but when you're working surveillance,
you've got to try to fit in.
I mean,
you have to dress like other attractive women your age,
not like a meter maid.
For Christ's sake,
get rid of those shoes.
I like these shoes.
Yeah, well, so did my high school football coach.
He wore the same ones.
Hey, Tim, where's
my toothbrush?
I threw it out, Dad.
You threw out
my toothbrush?
The bristles were
matted and stuff.
You're supposed to change your toothbrush every three months.
Didn't you know that?
Ow!
Hey, you know something,
a toothbrush is a very personal thing,
and I will decide
when mine is expired.
The bristles
were matted.
I don't care if
the bristles were matted.
I happen to like
matted bristles.
Then maybe we can run over the new one with the car.
Would that make you happy?
Yeah, it might.
That's very funny.
Oh, wait a minute.
Look at that.
It's a cake.
No, look at the crummy detail work on the frosting.
I wouldn't give
that cake to Hitler.
You know,
people who ruin baked goods should get arrested.
You any good
at this game?
I know a few things.
Yeah? I'll race you
to the corner.
No, no, wait.
Okay, go.
Oh, not bad.
Not bad?
I was second team all conference in high school.
I didn't know that.
Lot of things
you don't know.
Like how to
guard someone.
Come on,
try to get this ball away from me. Come on.
Come on, man.
Get your hands up.
Get your hands up.
There you go.
Get on the ba*ls
of your feet. Whoo!
Got by you.
Whoa! Ladies, ladies.
How about a little basketball game here,
a little two-on-two action?
Huh? It's a great
calorie burner.
Come on, Tim, tell them.
- Bye!
He used to weigh 200 pounds.
I'm not kidding.
Oh, great, man.
A little adroit patter on your part,
we could have landed those two.
Well, what was
I supposed to say?
You don't know how
to talk to girls?
I can't believe
you're my kid.
Well, it's not something
I like to brag about.
All right,
I tell you what.
How to pick up girls.
First, get them talking.
Here, uh, pretend I'm some fabulous babe you want to hit on.
Come on.
Dad. Come on, stranger,
throw me a line.
Come on,
throw me a line.
I'm walking out
of your life, handsome.
Uh, nice basketball.
You think so?
Yeah. Where'd you get it?
"Where'd you get it?"
That's good. Good, yeah.
Disarm them with a compliment,
and then follow with a question.
Now you got
the lady's attention.
Here you go.
So, I notice you got Michael Jordan's autographed ball.
Oh, yeah. Michael's
my favorite player.
Hey, no kidding?
Me, too.
Say, how about you and I go out for a cup of coffee or something?
Oh, I thought
you'd never ask.
It's that easy.
It is?
Yeah. Give it a shot.
Terrific! A shoe store.
So what?
So the map starts
with a picture of a shoe.
That has got to mean a shoe store,
so we start right here.
Yeah, but how do you know it's this shoe store?
I mean, how do you know that?
Because this is the closest shoe store to Ray's place,
isn't it?
I don't know.
Trust me. Okay.
It says, "Go west
75 giant steps."
West.
Yeah, the other west, Carl, okay?
Go, go. Seventy-five giant steps.
And...
One, two, three...
Carl, Carl, what the hell
are you doing, man?
I'm taking giant steps.
Yeah, but those are your giant steps.
Got to be like a little kid's
giant steps, right? Hey.
Well, so how big are little kid giant steps?
I mean, I don't know.
Come on, you know.
A little...
Oh, perfect, perfect. Hey, lady,
can I borrow your kid for a minute?
Just for a
second, okay?
Thor, k*ll!
Whoa! What?
Whoa! Pit bull!
All right.
Okay, okay. All right.
Good.
Okay, okay. Jesus Christ.
You ask people for a little help these days,
they bite your head off.
Where were we?
Uh, giant steps.
Giant steps. Okay.
Let's say that one of your giant steps is worth, like,
two of the kid's.
So, half of 75...
Forty-three.
...is thirty-seven and a half.
Idiot! Okay, thirty-seven and a half giant steps.
Let's go.
Okay.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,
9, 10, 11, 12,
13, 14, 15...
What are you
looking at?
...17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22...
Wait here.
I got to make a phone call.
Okay.
Dobbs, it's Ray.
I guess you're out.
I just wanted to leave this message.
I got the merchandise.
No problem.
We're set for Sunday.
Look out!
Can I have
my ball back, please?
Stay right there.
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Don't you know not to dart
into traffic like that?
You never run into the street
without looking both ways.
Okay, I'm sorry.
What's going on here?
What's going on?
He ran into the street without looking and was almost hit by a bus,
that's what's going on.
What's the matter
with you?
He has a habit of running off like that.
It was good you were watching.
Thanks.
I wasn't watching.
I was just crossing
the street and...
Just look both ways
next time.
Nice scarf.
Where'd you get it?
Sears.
I got it at Sears.
We're gonna go get some coffee.
Want to come with us?
Well...
Okay.
So, Theresa,
what do you do?
Um, I'm a teacher.
I teach kindergarten.
That's got to be a tough job.
You must really like kids.
Yes, I... Yes.
Children are special.
Hey.
What?
And what line of work
are you in, Ray?
He makes cakes.
Decorates them.
Oh, I took a class in that once.
It was quite an art.
So did he,
when he was in, uh,
college.
And where did you go?
Folsom U. It's a
state institution.
You mean the prison.
Listen, he didn't
sh**t anybody or anything.
He just stole something.
Right, Dad?
But that was
a long time ago, Theresa.
You could say
I'm a different man now.
I'm glad to hear that.
We're going
to the museum later.
Would you like
to come with us?
Um, well, um...
Hey, if you don't got
anything else planned.
I don't know.
I just have a thing.
My tooth, it's...
I have to go
to a dentist.
But, actually,
it is feeling better.
So maybe I could just call and reschedule my appointment.
Excuse me.
She's nice.
Do you like her?
Maybe.
What?
You're supposed to tail the suspect,
not date him.
Look, I can't
explain right now,
but if I could get close to him and get him talking, then...
But...
Of course he doesn't
suspect that I'm a cop.
I don't like this.
I can take care of myself, Serransky, and...
I've got to go.
...173, 174, 175,
176, 177, 178, 179...
...191,
192,
Tiny, tiny, good.
193, 194...
Baby, baby.
Yo, genuine leather
jacket here. $59.95!
59.98,
$59.95!
58.90... 59.90...
50...
I'm gonna k*ll
this guy, man.
What's the matter
with you? You nuts?
Take a look at this painting again, Tim,
and tell me what you really see.
Paint.
Bunch of paint.
Yeah, no, exactly.
Bunch of paint.
You see, this Kline guy,
he wants you to see the brush strokes.
You know, it's not some
three-dimensional illusion
like those other
paintings we were looking at.
It's just a bunch of paint.
That's it.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, cool.
I had a cellmate who was an art forger.
He taught me a few things.
Okay, open your eyes.
What do you see?
Dots.
Bunch of dots.
Yeah. Close them.
Okay, open them.
Wow!
Yeah. Bunch of dots.
Millions of dots.
Up close, they don't
look like much,
but you put them
all together like that...
Sometimes, at first glance,
things aren't what they seem.
I guess that
goes for people, too.
Does it?
Yeah. Like, you take cops.
You know,
they think they have this special ability to look at you
and know who you are, you know.
Once a con, always a con.
But a lot of times
they're wrong, though.
That's one thing I don't like about cops.
They assume too much.
You smell like my mother.
Your perfume, what is it?
Um, it's Laura Ashley.
Yeah. She used to
wear that a lot.
Really?
Does she live
in San Francisco?
Nah, she's dead.
She had cancer.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It was three years ago.
I live with my aunt
in Redding now.
She's nice, but she's
married to a real dork.
He doesn't even
want me around.
So I think I'm going to move in with my dad,
you know, permanently.
Hmm.
He needs me.
Hey, Tim, come here.
Bunch of dots, huh?
Mmm.
We followed
all the directions.
I don't know. I mean,
maybe we didn't, you know?
What?
Maybe we didn't.
Maybe you missed something.
I didn't miss nothing, okay.
I did everything exactly. Just look around.
That's what we've been doing,
is looking around.
That's all I've done
all day. Come on.
Look! It's an "X"!
It's an "X."
"X" marks the spot.
There it is. Look!
Look, look, look.
Looks like an
"X" to me.
Carl, look at that.
"X" marks the spot.
Hey, what are
you doing? Bobby!
It must be in here, Carl.
I think it's in here somewhere.
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
Wait a minute. What?
I don't think the kid would be dumb enough to hide it in here.
Why not?
Because the trash truck could come along,
haul the whole thing away.
Well, maybe the kid
ain't so smart after all.
Come on, check it out.
What? Go inside.
Take a look.
Now, wait a minute.
What?
This is a $600
Pierre Cardin suit.
Carl, we got a fortune
at our fingertips.
You're worried
about a bad suit?
Hey, you shop at Kmart.
You get in the dumpster. Go ahead.
You're such a wuss.
Get in there.
Just keep a lookout,
all right?
Aw, Jesus!
Man!
Got to be in here somewhere.
God! Carl! Carl!
What?
Carl, you hungry, buddy?
What?
Here.
I hate those things.
Hey!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Hey, Carl!
Oh, boy.
What's going on?
What's going on? Carl?
No! Carl, where are you?
Oh, sh**t!
Jesus!
It must be great
to spend time with your son.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
It's been great. Yeah.
Took a few days off. Been showing him the sights.
Been a lot of fun. Yeah.
Where is that kid?
He says we got to come here and asks for money,
then he disappears.
He says that
he lives with his aunt.
Yeah, my sister.
She's got a great big house there in Redding.
There's good schools.
He's got all his friends. He's better off there.
He doesn't think so.
He told me that
he'd rather live with you.
He said that?
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, pal.
Where you been?
Bought something.
For you. Open it.
For me? Why?
If it wasn't for you,
I'd be road k*ll today. Open it.
It's Laura Ashley.
She likes the same stuff
Mom used to wear.
I noticed.
Thank you.
You can wear it when
we go to dinner tonight.
Oh, great.
I missed that.
He's going to be
proposing next thing.
So, uh, are you
free tonight?
Um, I am free, yes.
Hey, Dad,
look familiar?
Oh, don't do that.
He collects them.
Yeah, get out of here, will you?
So, Theresa, excuse me,
what kind of food do you like?
Do you like
Italian food?
Uh, yes, I do.
Great. I know the perfect place.
I'll tell you what.
Hey, Dad, this looks
just like the bag...
Yeah, that's right.
It does, doesn't it?
The bag I keep
my gym stuff in.
Kids remember
the dumbest stuff, huh?
All right,
maybe we did take a wrong turn back there somewhere.
But now we've retraced
every little baby step.
Man, it has got to be
around here somewhere.
It has got to be
around here somewhere.
Hey, Bobby,
maybe there's something we ain't thought about.
What? Sorry.
What? What?
Maybe that map
don't lead nowhere.
Maybe the kid made it
to get rid of us, huh?
No, no. He's just
a little kid, okay?
He's not vicious. He's a little twerp,
but he's not that vicious.
He's smart. He couldn't do that.
He wouldn't want...
He's very smart.
I know that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What is this?
What is this?
What if it's
not an "X"?
What?
What?
What if it's a cross?
♪
Hallelujah
♪
Hallelujah
♪
Hallelujah, hallelujah
♪
Hallelujah, hallelujah
♪
Hallelujah
Cool. Nobody.
It's gorgeous, ain't it?
This place is like a 7-Eleven, you know.
It's open all night.
Perfect place for him to hide it.
Hey, what are you doing?
God don't allow smoking in here.
Man.
That's holy water.
Come on, Bob.
What are you
thinking about?
Jesus Christ!
Come on, let's go.
Hey, come on.
We don't got time for that.
Let's check this
place out. Let's go.
Bobby! Bobby! Bob!
God!
You okay?
Yeah, I'm all right.
I'm sorry about that.
Oh, shut up!
Look, look.
Let's get it. What?
Okay, you happy now?
Oh, baby, that's it!
Put that back!
Whoa! Nun!
This is the
house of God!
Yeah? What's he
done for me lately?
Stop! Thief!
Stop!
Go, go, go, go!
Stop!
♪
I need money
♪
Keep your alibis
♪
Well, I'm tired
of your excuses and I
♪
Don't want to get no lie
Don't move!
Hands behind your head!
Great.
Church wine.
Wonderful.
Now what we do is we take a little bread here,
and we dip it
into the olive oil.
Like that.
Yeah.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Then we take a sip
of our wine.
In your case, Pepsi.
Clear the palettes.
And now,
the cioppino.
What's in it?
Everything.
Here, hand me your plate.
There you go.
Hey, look, squid.
Yeah. Yeah.
Say, did you know that squid is not a fish,
it's a cephalopod?
No.
I've been dying
to tell that to somebody.
Hey, what are you doing here, huh?
Playing Frisbee?
Tim, let me show you
how you do that.
Hold it like this
with the...
Whoa, food fight.
Food fight.
You got a point there.
Sir, could you
bring it down?
Yeah.
Hey, Dad, the Dodgers are coming in next week.
You think we can go?
Next week, huh?
♪
Happy birthday to you
♪
Happy birthday to you
♪
Happy birthday, dear Timmy
♪
Happy birthday to you
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
For all the birthdays
I missed, Tim.
Go ahead. Make a wish
and blow that out there
before you set off
the fire sprinklers.
Ah! There you go.
See, that's good. You know,
you knew what you wanted and you went for it.
I wasn't sure what I wanted.
So I became a thief.
But you're not
a thief anymore.
Yeah, right.
'Course, I told my ex-wife the same thing when we got married.
And then,
when Timmy was five,
I got arrested again
and went to jail.
She never forgave me for that.
She said if I didn't love him
enough to stay out of jail,
then I didn't
love him enough.
Best thing I could do would be just to get out of their lives,
you know.
Don't write, don't call.
Just be dead.
So I was.
Well, I guess you have to decide what you want
and what's
most important.
Yeah.
Was that wrong?
No, but it's late,
and I have to get home.
I hope I see you again.
Bye.
Bye.
Come on.
Hey.
What are you
doing here?
I was gonna ask you
the same question.
It's just part
of my job. I...
Really?
Oh, well,
then they must be teaching some new stuff at the academy
because I didn't think that we were allowed to kiss the suspect.
No, it just happened.
I...
Oh, really?
Well, you let it happen.
And you better have a damn good story for the lieutenant.
That's all I got to say.
Serransky, now...
Ray set us up.
We trusted him, man!
Look at us!
He and the kid
both set us up.
What do they, uh,
feed us in here?
We had chili dogs
yesterday.
No kidding,
chili dogs?
I love chili dogs.
Would you stop thinking about food for once?
It's okay. It's okay.
They can't hold us for long.
Right, Carl, huh?
No, not for stealing a couple of bucks and a little church wine.
Look, I can't
take care of that now.
So, maybe after lunch
we'll tell them, right.
Sir, I...
Before you say
anything, Walsh,
who the hell gave you the authority to
start going steady with the suspect?
Sir, I am sorry. I know I got too close,
but I think it's going to pay off.
You see, the suspect's son
told me he knows something
that the father wants him to tell him,
but the boy is afraid to tell him
because he thinks that the father might get into trouble.
Wait, wait.
Hold on.
I'm sorry I asked.
The two arrested
at the church had this.
They're not talking,
but I think it's a treasure map, sir.
I think that the boy drew it and that he knows where the coins are.
I think.
Then the kid's an accessory.
And we don't let him
out of our sight.
Pretty good, huh?
Yeah?
Well, hello, Mr. Wankmueller, sir.
Yeah, I was going to call you.
Oh, Rudy's not sick, sir.
He's probably just hung over.
Yeah, I know.
You got that Thompson wedding.
But, you know,
I was kind of hoping...
Sounds like you're
in a bind, huh?
I'll tell you what.
Why don't I come down for a few hours, you know,
because it's an emergency.
Okay, sir. Yeah.
sh**t.
Hey, Timmy.
I got to go to work for a few hours.
You want to come with me?
No, I think I'll stay here.
You sure?
Yeah. You go ahead.
I'll be fine.
Okay.
I'll be back around
1:00, all right?
He's on the move.
I'll take the old man.
You stay with the kid.
Cops.
Oh, no.
The kid just left the apartment.
He's carrying his backpack.
Don't lose him.
He may be going to pick up the coins.
Hey, lieutenant,
he's just a kid. I got him.
All right.
Let's take the TVs out first... Hey! Hey!
What's your problem?
Damn!
You carry this very carefully.
Come again, madam.
Oh, that's
beautiful work, Ray.
Yeah, I like this one.
Say, how'd that family emergency come out?
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's okay.
It was my son.
He kind of came to visit me,
and I needed to spend some time with him.
That's good, Ray.
And I've been doing
some thinking.
He might be moving here.
Yes!
San Francisco train making all stops on the San Francisco line
now approaching.
Move. Move, lady.
Come on, move. Move!
He got on at Embarcadero.
We're going west.
Express MacArthur Train arrives at 24th Street in two minutes.
You lost him?
How can you lose
a little kid?
All right. Get your a*s
back to that apartment.
Have the boy picked up
the minute he shows his face.
He lost him!
Sir, if we pick the boy up,
we might not get anything from him.
But if I could get him alone,
away from Ray, then I think...
Ray?
So it's "Ray" now?
I mean, the suspect.
I think he might tell me everything.
So go do it.
Thank you, sir.
Hello.
Dobbs, you got back early.
I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.
No, no, no. No problem.
I got everything under control.
Tonight?
Yeah, sure. Tonight.
Hold on.
Yeah, yeah. Hold on,
I got to get... Yeah.
All right.
I'll see you
with the merchandise.
Boy, I think that chili dog's backing up on me.
Think that guy
put something in it?
You were right, Bobby.
They couldn't keep us.
Now it's payback time.
Got to make a couple of stops.
First, you got any money?
Couple of bucks.
Okay, good.
Hey, Tim!
Timmy, where are you?
Hi, Dad.
How was work?
Tim, where are the coins?
I need to know right now.
But the police, Dad.
What if the police know?
Now, don't do that.
I don't want to have to
ask you again, Tim.
You'd go for the coins
anyway, wouldn't you?
You'll try to outsmart them,
but then you'll get caught.
I've been watering it.
I figured it'd be
the last place you'd look.
It's in the locker
at the bus station.
Thank you, Tim.
You really came through for me, pal.
Well, I guess
I better pack.
Pack?
Yeah, pack.
I'm going home.
What do you mean you're going home?
I thought you wanted to live here.
I do, but not
if you get the coins.
What are you saying?
Are you saying that I have to choose between you and the coins?
Is that what
you're telling me, Tim?
Well, yeah. Because
if you do choose the coins,
you'll never see me again,
'cause you'll be in prison.
And this time,
I won't write.
Hey, you know something?
You are really pissing me off here, Tim.
You have no right to make me choose between you and 250 grand.
This is the biggest chance in my life and I'm not letting it go for anybody.
Hey, I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what, Tim. You want to leave?
You want to leave?
That's fine. Then you leave.
You know, I don't
need you around here.
You hear me?
What?
Hi.
Oh, hi.
I think a plant just
fell out of your window.
Yeah. It's dead.
Um...
I...
I had a great time
last night.
Um...
Is Timmy here?
Yeah, he's here.
Well, I was just wondering,
if it's okay with you,
if I could take him to the movies or something.
You know, just the two of us.
Yeah, he can't go, Theresa.
I'm taking him to the bus station.
What?
He's going home, yeah. As a matter of fact,
we're a little pressed for time.
Really?
Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Timmy,
and I hope we get to see
each other again soon.
Sure.
Let's go.
Thanks a lot for coming by,
but we got to go.
Ray, wait, um...
Isn't there any way I could get you to change your plans?
No, I got to go.
Follow him.
Sir, they're headed
to Greyhound station.
He's putting his son on a bus, and, well,
I think the coins may be in the boy's suitcase.
All right. And if the boy gets on the bus with the bag,
let him go.
We'll pull him off
at the first stop.
Yes, sir.
You know, you get on that bus,
you're making a big mistake.
I'm not the one
making the mistake, Dad.
My bus is going to Redding.
Yours is heading to Folsom.
Would you stop it with that?
Yes, sir?
Hmm?
May I help you?
This is your last chance.
You staying or not?
That's up to you, Dad.
One-way ticket
to Redding.
$24.50.
$24.50.
- Have a nice trip.
- Yeah.
You really are a little pain in the a*s,
you know that?
Thanks for teaching me about Italian food and how to pick up girls.
That's okay, Dad.
I don't need a hug.
Bus number 2026 now leaving for Sacramento, Chico,
Red Bluff and Redding.
It's in the locker.
We don't make a move
until he opens it.
Till he has it
in his hands.
Bus number 2026 now leaving for Sacramento, Chico,
Red Bluff and Redding.
You just got to decide.
What's most important?
Oh, boy.
I'm going to regret this.
Excuse me.
He's made us.
Let's take him.
No, we can't.
He's got to open the locker.
Hey, no! No!
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Hey, hey!
h*! h*!
Stop!
What do you want?
I want my son.
Hey, let's get
one thing straight.
We're going to have to change the living arrangements.
Because there's no way I'm sleeping on that couch every night.
Hey, come here.
Dad, how about we move?
We can get a 2-bedroom place.
Oh, yeah, right.
Like I can afford that now.
Maybe I could hire you out as a gigolo, huh?
What's a gigolo?
Yeah, that's not
such a bad idea.
You know,
you got all the moves down and everything.
Some women actually
like shorter guys.
Come here a sec.
Let me, uh...
Let me run this by you,
all right?
Now, what if I took
just some of the coins?
You know, five or six maybe.
Just to cover expenses.
Let's do it, okay?
Look, if you're not with me,
I'm doing this by myself.
Come on, Dad.
Let's go.
Bob!
Open the locker, Ray.
Open the locker. Give me the coins.
I know they're in there.
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby,
what are you doing, man?
Now, come on,
you know you're not going to use that thing.
You see that?
You just don't...
You never take me seriously.
But you're going to take me seriously now, Ray, okay?
Open the locker.
Just do it.
Open the locker, open it!
I'm doing it right now, Bob.
Do it.
Come here, Tim.
Freeze!
Okay, buddy, up against the wall.
Come on. Move it.
Nice and easy.
Hands over your head.
Ray Gleason, Bobby Drace,
you are under arrest.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.
Dad, what's going on?
I don't know, Tim.
Someone's making a very big mistake.
We didn't do nothing.
I didn't do nothing.
Save it. Just listen
to your rights. Let's go.
You have the right to have a lawyer
present while you are being questioned.
If you cannot
afford a lawyer,
one will be provided for you by the state at no cost to yourself.
Theresa!
Ray, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
All of them pennies.
And believe me,
not one of them worth more than a cent.
Kid's suitcase was clean, too,
and so was Gleason's car and apartment.
Well, there's only
one thing left to do.
Just break out the floppy shoes and funny noses.
Because we sure as hell
look like clowns.
Timmy, this is a very
serious matter.
Now, over a million dollars
in coins have been stolen,
and I want you to tell me everything you know about the robbery.
You got a boyfriend?
Timmy.
Hey, I thought we were friends.
I'm just asking you a question.
No. I don't
have a boyfriend.
You must be
pretty lonely, huh?
I was like that
after my mom died.
It hurt a lot and I never
thought it would go away.
But now I have my dad back.
I'm still gonna miss her,
but I think it'll be okay.
I know whoever stole those coins is really sorry that they did it.
They'll never steal
anything ever again.
Well, that's wonderful, but,
you know, the coins are still missing.
So, do you think that
you might be able to
guess where
they might be?
I don't know.
They could be in a bag, maybe.
What, like the bag
you put the pennies in?
Mmm-hmm. And maybe people could just
walk right by it and not even know it's there.
Maybe the person holding it
doesn't even know it's there.
A startling
development in the recent
$1 million rare coin
robbery happened today.
A tip given to police resulted in the
recovery of the entire cache of stolen coins.
Oddly enough,
the coins were found in a small travel bag
that was hanging on a mannequin on the main floor
of the Neiman Marcus
department store.
How they got there and how long they've been there is anyone's guess.
Damn!
The robbery is still
under investigation,
but San Francisco police have yet to arrest any suspects in the case.
And we won't, either.
Well, we got
the coins back, at least.
And under the circumstances,
you did okay, Walsh.
You're off probation.
Looks like you're going
to make it here after all.
Thank you, sir.
May I?
Don't get c*ck, Walsh.
No, sir.
Come on, Dad.
Let's go home.
Well,
it's like I always said about cops.
They assume too much.
Some things aren't always
the way they seem, Theresa.
But sometimes they are,
and you just can't prove it.
Would you come
for dinner tonight?
Maybe some other time, Tim.
You see, there's this thing
about cops and ex-cons.
It's kind of an official waiting period between the time they arrest you
and the time
you ask one out.
You take care of him.
I will.
Wait till
I get you home.
You knew the cops were watching me,
and you didn't tell me?
'Cause you would've tried to outsmart them and get caught.
So while no one was looking,
I took the bag and switched it
for the one on the mannequin and put that one in the locker.
Yeah, but you still let me open the locker and get arrested.
Guess you learned
a lesson, huh?
Yeah, right.
Never have children.
So what do you want
to do now, Dad?
Well, seeing how I just lost 250 grand
and gained a permanent house guest,
maybe I should go
drown myself.
How about we go sh**t hoops and pick up girls?
Hey, yeah. That's a good idea.
We could do that.
♪
The best things
in life are free
♪
But you can give them
to the birds and bees
♪
I need money
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
Money don't
get everything, it's true
♪
But what it don't get,
I can't use
♪
I need money
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
That's what I want
♪
Money
♪
That's what I want
♪
Lots of money
♪
That's what I want
♪
Whole lot of money
♪
That's what I want
♪
Uh-huh
♪
That's what I want
♪
Uh-huh
♪
That's what I want
♪
Oh, yeah
♪
That's what I want
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Getting Even With Dad (1994)
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