Magic Island (1995)

[bunniefuu]

[Mischievous music]

[heavy metal music]

[typing]

My god, Jack, you're
going to go deaf!

What!

I said you're,
ha, very funny.

Hey, what's with
the fancy threads?

[Exhales]

Change of plans.

Courtland, you know?

Wants me on the Gribben account,

which means...

I've got to 86 our meeting.

It wasn't a meeting, Mom,

it was a dinner and a movie.

Oh come on, Jack.

This could be really big.

If Gribben likes my pitch, honey,

I could be in for big money.

I mean bigger than
your dad ever made.

Hey.

Gotta do what you gotta do.

I'll tell you what, Jack.

We'll reschedule for later
on in the week, okay?

I gotta run.

[Singing in foreign language]

Ah, Lucretia.

Jack and I will not be going
out to dinner after all,

so maybe you can just...

Fix him dinner.

I know.

Ah.

Looked into your crystal
ball again, huh?

Don't need a crystal ball

to see what's going on around here.

[Singing in foreign language]

I made my special
jambalaya for you, boy.

[Game beeping]

Much better hot than cold.

Thanks.

But I'm not that hungry.

Jack.

You ought to tell your
mother how you feel.

Your mother may not show it,

but I know,

she's hurting too, Jack.

[Game beeping]

Do you really think she'd rather

work than spend time with you?

If you don't mind, I'm busy.

[Sighs]

Gotta save the princess.

[Somber music]

Dear Mom,

I'm sure you'll be
too busy to miss me.

But if you do,

then maybe you'll see how I feel.

Now don't think I'm too scared

to tell all this to your face,

because I'm not.

I just don't feel like waiting up.

Jack.

[Exhales]

Going somewhere, Jack?

Don't just stand there, boy,

come on in.

Um... I was coming
downstairs.

I got real hungry.

[Laughs]

Expecting a hurricane
in the kitchen?

I've been just about
everywhere, Jack,

and seen just about everything.

Is this gonna be another one
of your lucky boy speeches?

[Laughs]

Now you listen to
me, Jack Carlisle.

You want adventure, excitement?

Sure, I guess.

You want to rescue the princess?

Save the universe?

Yeah.

Well, I'm here to tell you

you don't need to look no
further than right here, boy.

No further at all.

So, is there something
in here like a game

that I don't know about?

This ain't no game, boy.

This is all your dreams come true.

A book?

Not just a book.

This story will change your life,

sure as it did mine.

One night, my great grandmother
caught me running off

for the circus,

and she took me to her room
and she gave me this book.

Said it'd been in our
family for over 200 years.

Look here.

Was written by one of my own kin.

A lady named Marguerite.

Grew up in Port-Au-Prince,
Haiti she did.

A time when the pirates
ruled the seven seas.

Lucretia,

that was real interesting.

Stories are for kids.

I'm 13.

In case you forgot.

Jack Carlisle.

I don't ask much of you, boy.

But I'm asking you now.

Before you think of trying
to escape all your problems,

read a few pages.

Who knows?

Maybe your problems won't
seem so bad come tomorrow.

[Groans]

[ripping]

[crowd noise]

[Voiceover] I'll be taking
that treasure map now,

Prince Morgan.

[Voiceover] Treasure map?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

[Voiceover] He lies
like a dog, captain.

[Voiceover] So I ask you again.

Give me the map, and you
can keep your heads.

[Voiceover] I swear on my
mother's grave, Blackbeard,

I know of no such map.

[Voiceover] My patience
be wearing thin, lad.

[Voiceover] Why not
fight us for it,

sniveling devil!

So!

There is a map after all.

And you swore on your
good mother's grave.

My mother's not even dead yet.

Then crossed swords it be!

[Swords clashing]

[yells]

Wait, hold on, time out.

[Laughing]

Wait, wait, wait, wait wait,

don't stop laughing.

[Grunting]

This is rad.

[Comical sound effects]

[laughing]

Oh oh, wait wait.

I'll just...

Don't be dropping your drawers
in the presence of a lady.

All right, sir.

Morgan, behind ya!

[Grunting]

Well done, Sappperstein.

It's my pleasure, captain.

Jolly, Duckbone,
hold your swords.

I've got the slippery
squid dog for boot.

Well, looks like your luck
just ran out, muscle man.

[Scraping]

Well, your lordness.

Here we be again.

You should a stayed in the
comfort of the castle, lad.

For out here, you won't
get a royal burial.

We'll pitch you into
the briny deep.

Har har har har.

Lucretia!

Help!

[Yelling]

Sapperstein.

What be that sound?

[Yelling]

[clink, birds tweeting]

[grunting]

What manner of sorcery is this?

Holy Jesus.

Ah ha!

Make your run, boys!

Morgan, let's get out of here.

Come mates, let's
make for my ship

and rally what's left of the crew!

They took over your ship.

Oh, sixes all.

Now what to do?

We make for the jungle.

Wait, let's bring that sorcerer.

He may be of use later.

Come back!

You sniveling cowards!

Sapperstein, let them go,

they'll be dead in no time
on this cursed island.

[Insects buzzing, birds chirping]

Whoa.

Who are you guys?

Prince Morgan Hilderbrand,

adventurer extraordinaire.

And this fetching lass is
none other than Gwyn White,

the best swordsman
in all of Ireland.

Oh, and course Dumas,
my most able guide

and scholar of Caribbean.

Where am I?

Surely you've heard
of the magic island?

Oh.

I get it.

It's a dream.

So.

What are you guys supposed to be,

some kind of pirate or something?

Hold, Gwyn,

I do not believe the lad
meant bad by his words.

We are buccaneers.

To me, you kinda look
like a grunge band.

[Laughs]

Oh it is true, we banded
together in England

to flee the tyranny and
repression of King George,

who also happens to be my uncle.

We sailed the seven seas
in search of adventure.

Want a piece of bubblegum?

Guys, it's just a piece of gum.

[Pops]

[pops]

I've got some sugar free in my bag

if you'd like some of that instead.

What manner of sorcerer
are you, anyway?

A sorcerer?

Me?

[Laughs]

Then if a sorcerer you're not,

then a demon you must be.

He does not look
the part of a demon.

But if a demon he be,

we must cut off his head at once.

Okay, I'm a sorcerer.

I just don't like to brag
about it all the time.

What land do you hail from?

Well, they call me Jack.

Mad Jack.

From shaken lands of Los Angeles.

The city of lost angels?

That be hell.

[Gurling]

[yells]

Why you stinkin' bear traps!

I'll have your heads for this!

[Grunting, coughing]

It were Mr. Sapperstein's
plan, it was,

not mine.

Begging your pardon,

but we need orders in regards
to Morgan and his men.

What power did
strike me from above?

Well, it was a sorcerer, captain.

Fell right from the sky, he did.

A sorcerer, you say?

And where be this devil now?

With Prince Morgan, he is.

Fled into the jungle like a
bunch of frightened babies.

And you didn't think
to go after them?

But, but captain,

you give the orders.

[Clapping]

Blackbeard lives.

And he's on our trail.

Wait a second.

Are you talking about
the Blackbeard?

Aye.

The most murderous cutthroat

to ever sail the seven seas.

Attacked us near Haiti, he did.

Claimed our galleon
by force and numbers.

The rest of our crew will
be under his command now.

And why is he on our trail?

Ah, because I have
the treasure map.

[Comical sound effects]

I had him right
where I wanted him!

[Muttering]

So, there be sorcery afoot.

Wait!

Do you guys know what year it is?

Why, the year of our
lord 1796, of course.

The 1700s?

[Zipping]

My book, where's my book?

And what book is that?

Guys, it's how I got here.

I need it in order to get back.

Gwyn, if you have the book,

please do return it.

Thank you.

Now.

Do you guys want to see
some real sorcery?

Watch this.

See ya.

Minor glitch, it's no problem.

Mad Jack, what is the
significance of this book?

It's called The Magic Island.

It's about all you guys
and your treasure hunt.

We can find out what happens.

Just flip a couple pages.

[Sighs]

That's strange.

The pages are blank.

Here, let me flip back
to the beginning.

Ah, here we go.

[Voiceover] As Mad Jack was
invited to join the buccaneers

on their quest, Blackbeard
and his pirates

were hot on their trail.

You're right Gwyn, we gotta
get out of here quick.

But of course.

[Sighs]

Sap.

[Squeaking]

By the gleamin' turrets,

you're not worth
your weight in port.

This be no time for rum.

Not when there be
treasure awaiting us.

I would gladly settle for mutton.

Mutton, you say?

Blast ya.

This cursed heat must be
addling your brain, Duckbone.

Well, this heat is
ruining my best silks,

that is for certain.

Aye, and it's spurring
my rheumatism, it is, sir.

Spurring your rheumatism, is it?

[Belches]

Get up off your
barnacles, you lassies!

Now there's the lads I know.

From here on, we split up.

These tracks lead nowhere.

They end just over there.

Sorcery, no doubt.

So!

Sapperstein.

You're with me.

Jolly Bob and Duckbone,
the other way.

Go on, lads.

After me, Sapperstein.

Oh, no no no no, it's steen, sir.

Sapper-steen.

That's what I said!

Sapper-Stine!

Yes sir, that's right, you did.

I'm sorry.

[Chuckles]

Curse that beareded jackal.

[Blackbeard] I heard that!

A good man needs his rum, say I.

If I had any sense,
I'd turn around now

and go back to the ship.

Well it's a good thing you
don't have any bloody sense.

That's right, and
don't you forget it.

Aye, I won't.

Now let's go.

[Sighs]

That ought to throw
them off our trail.

It'd better.

Hey guys, listen to this.

I've got this game,

it's called Cyborg Tracker,

and if you don't cover
up your tracks,

Cyborg'll nail you
on the first level.

Cy-Borg?

Well, from what I can tell,

we're only a stone's
throw from Green Pond,

our next marked spot on the map.

Well, looks to be a treacherous
path to Corbassa's tomb.

For the closer we
near the treasure,

the stronger this
isle's magic will be.

This place doesn't
seem to magical to me.

Ah.

The magic be all around us.

The trees.

The sun.

The air we breathe.

It preys on our fears,

and on our desires too.

This island did once belong

to the evil sorcerer Carbassas.

Legend says he buried
his treasure here,

and cast a spell upon it he did.

On this very island itself.

To protect his treasures

from adventurers such as us.

Aye.

To protect it.

But also to entertain him.

[Laughs]

For no man has yet to claim
the treasure of Carbassas.

At least not alive.

[Laughs]

Prince Morgan.

You don't seem too
worried about all this.

I have faith you, Mad Jack.

To guide us safely through
the jungle with your magic.

Oh.

Right.

My magic.

Oh man.

What I'd give for a piece of pizza.

[Sniffing]

Pizza!

I can't believe this.

Hey guys, I found food!

Pepperoni.

Excellent.

Whoa!

What the heck is that!

[Growling]

Whoa.

A sand shark!

Prince Morgan.

Our sorcerer be gone.

I thought he was right
behind you, Dumas.

Aye, he was.

But then he disappeared.

[Growling]

Yeah...

Jack?

Mad Jack, where are you, lad?

Come along, now.

Jack!

Hey sand breath.

Why don't you chew on this?

[Laughing]

Yes, yes.

[Yells]

[laughing]

[ripping]

Oh, my head.

Help!

Somebody help me!

Help!

Somebody!

[Pops]

I gotta blow this hole.

[Growling]

Sorry Charlie.

Whoa!

[Yelling]

[splash]

Help!

[Coughing]

[coughing]

I never met a boy
who couldn't swim.

Do you have a name?

Yeah, sure.

Jack.

What's yours?

You may call me Lily.

That's what the fish call me.

The fish?

Lily means mermaid.

In fish talk.

My gosh.

Will you help me up?

There he is.

There, that's better.

What happened to your pants?

Oh, my pants.

Well, it was just a little
bit of an accident.

But I'll fix that.

[Ripping]

There, how's that?

Very nice.

Are you lost, Jack?

Lost?

Me?

Get real.

I'm a sorcerer, in case
you hadn't noticed.

A sorcerer?

What's so funny?

Mighty young to be a sorcerer.

Yeah, well.

You gotta start somewhere.

At the moment, I'm on a treasure
hunt with some buccaneers.

We're being chased by Blackbeard

and this totally k*ller
g*ng of pirates.

Take me with you, Jack!

I've always dreamed
of such an adventure!

First of all, it's Mad Jack.

And second of all,

that fin

is gonna be a real problem.

Worry not, Mad Jack.

I'll simply wish for
a pair of legs.

Oh, just like that, huh?

Why, yes.

When a mermaid saves
a human's life,

she's granted a wish to
last a sun and a moon.

Every sorcerer knows that.

Oh, right, right.

You know, I was just testing.

So.

You gonna do it now?

You want me to turn
my back or what?

Oh please, watch if you like.

My god.

What do I do now?

Well, just stand up, I guess.

Careful, careful, not so fast.

I did it, I did it!

See, you're starting
to get the hang of it.

I'm gonna let you go
by yourself, okay?

Alright ready?

Go.

Mad Jack.

Had me worried, lad.

So, where have you guys been?

Been searching high
and long for you.

Aye, we found your
magic bag, mad Jack.

Whoa, Dumas, you were right man.

This place is treacherous.

Oh, and who, pray tell,

might your charming
little friend be?

I'm Lily the mermaid, good sir.

All mermaids I know be finned.

It's true.

I was.

But seeing as I saved Mad Jack...

Whoa, actually, you know,

she got a day off
from her mermaid gig,

so I thought she could
hang here with us.

Well, if that's okay.

Well, it will be another mouth
to feed come supper time.

And another hand to
fill with treasure,

once found.

Oh, but, I wouldn't want
any of your treasure.

I would have no use for it.

Only the adventure's what I seek.

And I do know the
secrets of the isle.

Through the trees and the
flowers and the animals.

They speak to me daily.

Well, it's settled then.

If Mad Jack so desires,

then you have my
approval, Miss Lily.

Come mates, we must press on.

Hurry up!

Thank you, Jack!

Thank you ever so much!

No problem.

We catch us that Prince
Morgan before Blackbeard,

I say we gut him but good,

of course explaining to the captain

it were all in self defense.

Aye.

For making me walk all day,

I'd gladly carve up that
rogue like a loaf of bread.

What I would give for
a loaf of bread.

And a nice, big, juicy turkey leg.

Yeah, right.

[Sniffing]

Well I'll be stuffed.

And where do you think
you're going, Duckbone?

Well, there be a turkey
tree down there, Jolly.

Can't you see it?

A turkey tree, say you, huh?

Somebody ought to cork your gullet,

keep you out of trouble
for a while, say I.

Now let's go, ya lug.

But...

Been on many adventures, Jack?

Oh, yeah.

Been on a million of them.

Like last night.

I was at this wizard's castle,

where I met up with the biggest
giant you've ever seen.

And this really gross goblin.

Lily?

Lily!

[Gasps]

I'm right here, Jack.

What are you doing?

I'm talking with the
trees, of course.

Well, it seems as though
we've come to a dead end.

Dumas, determine our direction,

if you'd be so kind.

[Magical tinkling sound]

Thank you.

I will.

You're talking to a tree.

It gave me a leaf
to remember it by.

We'll need the best
view afforded us,

now won't we, lad?

Oh yes, captain.

What, must I captain?

You know, I am rather nervous
when it comes to heights.

I just...

Will you stop your
whining, you goon?

It's only a flogging coconut tree.

And a little one at that.

Why, I've climbed virtually
dozens of these myself.

You've seen me with your own eyes.

Haven't ya?

Well on ya hop.

Some more now, Sap.

Scamper on up that tree, go on.

Go on with ya.

And see you don't send
none of them coconuts

crashing down on me head.

[Clink]

[birds chirping]

Look out.

[Comical boing sound]

[spitting]

[gasps]

This water be cursed.

In the stream, it seems pure.

But in my hand, and my jug,

black as death it be.

Oh, sixes all.

We need fresh water.

What on Earth shall we do?

Let me ask an expert.

[Leaves rustling]

No need to worry,

this water's as pure as rain.

The color's just an illusion.

Yes.

To k*ll us with thirst, no doubt.

Ha, nice try, Carbassas!

Man, how does she do that?

[Screeching]

Tonga!

[Monkey screeching]

Wow.

Bad news, Miss Lily?

Tonga reports that it
seems we're being watched,

at this very moment,

from a tree high above.

By humans, who mean
us all great harm.

Although... I
cannot imagine why.

Treasure ofttimes brings
out the worst in men.

Quite a shame, too,

for it does spoil the
very spirit of adventure.

Fight or flee, Morgan?

Well.

If we flee, they'll be
nipping at our heels

like hell hounds.

But.

If we fight, we put all
our lives in jeopardy.

What say your magic book, Mad Jack?

Do we fight or flee?

[Voiceover] From high in
a tree, Mr. Sapperstein

tries to locate the whereabouts
of the buccaneers.

Well, there's three pages left.

But it's weird, I mean,

it seems like this
book is being written

as things are happening,

because when I read it last time,

this was the last page,

and then I turned the
page, and there's more.

Well Mad Jack, what is your word?

[Voiceover] Blackbeard's
world was turned upside down.

We fight.

God bless ya, Mad Jack.

But not with swords.

Aye, then with what?

My bag of tricks.

[Mischievous music]

[Blackbeard] Well, Sapperstein,

any sign of the dogs yet?

Well truth be, captain,

these cursed branches persist
in blocking my view.

Well whack the blarmin'
things off then.

Oh curse ya, Sap.

Do I have to do everything myself?

Now careful you don't...

[thunk, birds chirping]

Sorry.

My fault.

That won't happen again.

[Grunting]

[monkey screeching]

Well, that ought
to do it.

Well, well done, Mad Jack.

The question is, what happens now?

Well, we just relax and sit back,

[sighs]

and enjoy the show.

Suppose the pirates
never find our trap.

Oh.

That's a good point.

I'll just lead them here

with a couple of tunes.

[Morgan] Tunes?

I got my little CD player here.

[Heavy metal music playing]

[monkey screeching]

I thought the idea
was to lure them here,

not to scare them away!

What!

What be that noise?

What?

I said, what be that noise?

What?

I said!

What could be that infernal racket!

It be you hollering in me ear!

[Chuckling]

They be covering their footsteps.

I do wonder what has become
of Jolly and Duckbone.

Not another step, Mr.
Sapperstein.

I smell something unsavory.

[Sniffs]

Well you can hardly
blame me, captain,

I have not bathed in days,

by no choice of my own, mind you.

[Laughing]

Ah ha.

[Boing]

Sixes all.

They're onto us.

No way, they're not smart enough.

This is quite fun, isn't it?

Shh.

[Laughing]

You first, lad.

Gentle now.

Go on with you, go on.

Well done.

Look, over there.

Those banshee cries be coming

from somewhere around here, say I.

But no sign of Morgan and his dogs.

No dogs, but look there.

Well shiver me timbers.

Praise be.

I thought we'd be lost for sure.

[Grunts]

No, Duckbone.

Captain.

No!

Ah, oh!

[Yelling]

[boing]

[laughing]

No no no no no!

Duckbone, ya daft bugger,

now look what you've gone and done.

Get me down from here, ya swines.

Aye, I'll cut you
down, captain sir.

Not like that, you stupid...

[boing, birds chirping]

[laughing]

Well this is surely the
work of Morgan's sorcerer.

Aye.

And when we catch him, I'll
gladly carve up that rogue

like a lamb shank.

Aye.

Oh, I would k*ll
for a lamb shank.

Shh shh shh.

[Giggling]

Shut up.

Do you hear that, mateys?

Sounds like laughter, say I.

[Laughter]

Good lord, Gwyn, I can't breathe.

Shh.

There they be.

Prepare for battle, mates.

Ha ha, the wench with a sword.

Let's see how well you can use it.

Say your prayers, you
pathetic excuse for a man.

Ha ha ha!

[Swords clashing]

Not bad for a wench.

[Grunts]

Dang she's good.

At last we meet.

Prepare to taste my steel.

Well, so be it, foolish one.

[Muttering incoherently]

[sword wooshing]

Any last requests,
Prince Morgan?

As a matter of fact, there is.

Catch.

[Grunting]

[birds chirping]

Mad Jack, you and Lily must go.

Take the map and make it invisible.

But, but what about you?

I'll be fine.

Now go, go.

We've gotta get
out of here, quick.

[Lily] I'm ready.

Ah ha!

[Screams]

So you be the wizard boy, huh?

I'll tend to you later.

Whoa!

[Grunting]

Now I'll have your
head for breakfast, lad.

[Comical sound effect]

Jack, be careful!

Ha ha ha!

Oh no.

[Birds chirping]

Yes, yes!

Let's go, hurry.

Come on.

[Grunting]

Dumas!

I've got him!

I've got him prisoner.

Dumas!

Duckbone.

Duckbone!

Duckbone!

Pull!

[Groaning]

Good boy, pull.

[Duckbone] Your back's stuck, Mr.
Sapperstein.

Well I know.

[Groaning]

Fun time be over, mateys.

Now it's down to business, it is.

Jolly.

Pull the good prince
loose, will you?

[Jolly] Aye aye, captain.

[Blackbeard] Pull,
Duckbone, pull.

[Groaning]

[yelling, grunting]

[Morgan] Oh goodness.

Drop your weapons or
prince charming gets it.

Drop 'em, I say.

Not you, ya blarmin' dunger.

Don't rouse me anger, boy.

Just hand over the map.

Go ahead, search me.

You'll find nothing, you scoundrel.

There be no map here, say I.

My smile be wanting, boy.

You'd best be out with it,

while you got a head to speak with.

k*ll me or any of my mates,

and you'll never find the map.

Captain, the sorcerer has fled.

Tell me which way
the sorcerer went,

and I promise ya, I'll give
you half the treasure.

[Yelling]

[laughing]

Get down, get down, get down.

So.

Smart talk be for
smart people I say.

Tide, tide be coming,

and I don't want to
get me boots wet.

[Laughing]

Jolly, you, me, and Sapperstein

will go search for that sorcerer.

Duckbone.

Aye, captain.

Would you see that
these dogs drown?

I mean drown!

Aye, captain.

Hey, they just gave me an idea.

Tell me, Jack, what?

We're gonna send Blackbeard
on a wild goose chase.

How thrilling, Jack.

I love geese.

Trust me, it's not
what you think it is.

Treat you badly,
does he Duckbone?

What would you
know about it, then?

Well, I know this much,

your good captain is sacrificing
you to the island gods.

Isn't that right, Dumas?

Aye.

The island gods be watching.

And you, Duckbone, you will
Bethe last one to see us alive.

Save yourself, Duckbone.

Let us go.

[Scoffs]

Not bloody likely.

I found it!

I found their tracks!

I did, I found it.

How does he know
these be their tracks?

Big foot, little foot.

What does that tell you?

It tells me you're
gonna get my big foot

if you don't shut your big mouth.

[Blackbeard] Stop your
bickering and get a move on.

Gwyn.

I must confess something.

I did not bring you on my crew

simply for your swordplay.

If truth be told, and
now does seem the time,

I've always had
something of a, well...

Out with it, Morgan.

Oh by my word, Gwyn, you are
the most breathtaking beauty

I've seen in all my days.

There, I've said it.

Whew.

And I feel the burden
lifted already.

Fine timing, Morgan.

Well, best of luck to you
in the afterworld, Dumas.

You too, Gwyn.

Please forgive me, both of you,

for involving you with such...

Good lord in heaven, look.

Don't tell me that's the, the...

[Jack] I'm the island god.

The one that Dumas
warned you about.

Now, you either let those
buccaneers go right now,

or, or...

Or something really, really
bad will happen to you.

[Laughing]

Now what?

And your mother too.

And your mother too!

[Laughs]

Are you guys okay?

Mad Jack?

How on Earth did you do that?

I'll explain it to you later.

Go.

Sound off.

One, two.

Sound off.

Three, four.

Sound off.

One, two, three, four.

[Clapping]

Come along now!

This is a treasure
hunt, not a recital.

Oh Duck?

Get enough sleep,
ya big lazy lug?

Oh, oh, oh!

Captain, it were horrible!

An island god came
down from the hills,

with big yellow claws,

and he were 30 feet
tall and green...

Why ya bumbling
[speaking nonsense].

Morgan's sorcerer is obviously
making a fool out of you.

Us.

Me.

So, tell me Morgan.

Do you stand by your words to me?

Back on the beach?

As god as my witness, Gwyn,

I meant every word I pledged.

[Grunts]

Waiting til I was dead, was ya?

And you call yourself a gentleman.

Hey guys, what's up?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

I'll be needing the
map now, Jad Mack,

Mad Jack.

If you'd be so kind.

Get a fix on our whereabouts.

Prince, it's upside down.

Oh yes.

So it is.

It appears as though we're...

Lost.

[Voiceover] Who goes there?

Who said that?

I don't know, but it seems
to have come from up there.

I said, who goes there?

They heard you already.

How can I help you, handsome?

Shut your sucker, you harlot.

No help will be given
without my consent.

Don't worry, he's like
this with everybody.

[Laughs]

And you, you blockhead,

hold your tongue
before I file it off.

With what?

[Laughing]

[groans]

Hey, could you take me with you?

Oh please, please?

I've got to get outta here.

I've been stuck with
them for 2000 years.

They're like this every day.

Please.

Oh please.

I say,

could you be so kind as
to give us directions

to Dead Man's Grove?

[Scoffs]

That place is simply dreadful.

How about I show you
aromantic little grove

not far from here?

Oh, well, that
would be grand.

Would be grand, but
you see we're on

something of a quest, actually.

Left.

You go left, okay?

Now get lost.

Ugh, he's lying.

He's just jealous.

It's right.

You go right.

Right is wrong.

Left is right.

Everybody knows that.

Hmph.

Women.

Aw, don't believe either of them.

They don't know wrong
from right anymore.

That's what love does to ya.

What?

In love?

Us?

How dare you.

[Voiceover] How dare you.

Don't talk to me,
you sniveling idiot.

Who?

[Talking over each other]

Oh, I say, enough!

Silence, please.

Now, gather up.

Now.

One says left, the
other claims right.

The third says neither.

Any ideas?

Well, if the map was correct,

we're at Dead Man's
Grove right now.

I say, is this Dead Man's Grove?

Where'd they go?

Simply marvelous.

What?

You've never seen a lighter before?

A devil's trick, it is.

Ah, right.

I guess this is a few years
away for you guys, huh?

May I touch this lighter?

Yeah, sure.

You can have it if you want to.

It works like this.

I got it at a Def Leopard concert.

[Dumas laughs]

Not surprising, the
poor beast be deaf,

what with your music.

Well, it seems as though
we've all become rather cranky

for want of sleep.

What say we take turns

keeping watch against the pirates?

Aye.

And the ghost.

They say the spirits
of all those who die

do haunt this grove.

Oh, you could have
spoken up earlier, Dumas.

That be the problem with men.

You never speak when you should,

yet speak when they have
nothing of import to say.

And with that I'll say good night.

Oh please, Gwyn,
sometimes you can be

the most exasperating...
Quiet!

You'll wake the girl.

I will gather more
wood for the fire.

Thank you, Dumas.

Girl trouble, huh?

Yes, yes indeed.

And I've tried to make
sense of that woman,

but alas, she makes me feel
like a silly little boy.

Sounds like my mother.

I never knew my mother.

Always abroad, she was.

Traveling and such.

Didn't have much time for me.

Oh man, do I hear that.

Ran away, I did.

In hindsight, I suppose
it was a mistake.

You see, I really don't think it's

good to run away.

The only way I can return now is

with the treasure.

As an apology of sorts.

Otherwise...

See any signs of ghosts, did ya?

No.

Well, if I were
to see a ghost,

I would surely walk up
to the apparition and...

[eerie sound]

[comical rattling sound]

[screaming]

[Jack] Hey Lily, is that you?

I'm right here, Jack.

Jack, hold my hand.

Somewhere in here
I've got a flashlight.

Here it is.

Jack?

Whose hand am I holding?

[Laughing]

[screaming]

[breathing heavily]

Do you think we're safe now?

Well, I think so.

Where's everybody else?

Still stuck back in
the grove, I believe.

We have to save them.

We can use your magic, Jack.

Lily, wait.

I'm not a sorcerer, okay?

We can't go save those guys.

Look in my bag.

All I've got is a map and a book.

I don't know real magic.

Prince Morgan should've never
trusted me with the map

in the first place.

You've already saved
your friends once, Jack.

And if it was without magic,

then how very brave you are.

You think so?

You're the bravest
boy I ever met, Jack.

Hey.

It's them.

They're okay.

Hey Prince, we're over here!

Shh.

Is that you, Prince?

Why yes, lad.

Prince Morgan is me.

How was that, captain?

Cool, it's them.

Come on.

[Screaming]

Well, well.

If it isn't the good sorcerer.

And a little lady friend.

Well go on, boy.

Why don't you show off for her.

Turn me into an
elephant, for instance.

[Laughing]

Well, I would, but I'm...

But you can't.

Because you be no real
sorcerer, now do you, boy?

Ah, look everybody,
I'm a sorcerer too.

[Laughing]

Now give me that map, boy,

and don't play me no tricks.

Or I'll get right piratey nasty

with your little friend here.

Oh Jack.

[Morgan] Mad Jack?

[Gwyn] Miss Lily?

Oh, I say, will this
search never end?

Footprints everywhere,
but no sign of Mad Jack

or Miss Lily at all.

I found something.

Right after you, Dumas.

This leaf, moving it is.

[Gwyn] And look, there's more.

[Morgan] For heaven's sake.

We can sure thank
Miss Lily for this.

Yes.

Get your hands off it.

According to this here map,

Carbassas's tomb be
behind a right ugly face.

And what ugly face
be that, captain?

That's me point, Duckbone.

There be no ugly faces here.

Except yours, of course.

[Laughing]

We be missing something here, lads.

It's right under our
noses, I can smell it.

[Grunting]

[Sapperstein] I
found it, I found it,

there it is, I found it.

And there be more
here, captain, say I.

Well blow me down.

[Morgan] Mad Jack!

Morgan!

Hold back, Blackbeard.

Your fight is with me.

So what's this, three musketeers?

Sapperstein!

He started it.

Hold your blade.

Haha, you heard the
captain, Prince Morgan.

Now drop it.

Drop it!

All of you, drop it.

Not sword fighting
anymore, are ya, coward?

Just shut up and
drop the blade, wench.

You too!

Oh hell, captain,

I'd say we just k*ll them all.

Starting first with a
little blue blood.

No, Jolly.

We be needing these here donkeys

to carry our gold
down to the galleon.

Then you can spill all the blood

your little black heart desires.

I'm sorry, Prince.

I had to give him the map.

He was gonna hurt Lily.

Worry not, lad.

I've always believed that

one must do what one must do.

That's my motto too.

Integrity, Jack.

It is that which
separates us from these

loathsome pirates.

Captain, sir.

There be no way to open the door.

Be there no clues
on that blasted map?

Well, none that I
can see, captain.

Man, these guys are lame.

Lame, you say?

Yeah.

Well, great sorcerer.

Let's see you do better.

Why should I help you?

One must do

what one must do.

[Laughs]

Not so brave now are you,

you little scallywags.

Right.

Well.

The first thing you learn

when you're cranking on a PC

is that there's a key
to every single door.

Right.

Go on now, boy, go.

Show me that
PC thing, go.

[Lily] Be careful, Jack!

Go on, Jack.

It seems as though your
hand's been forced.

[Blackbeard] Come on, boy!

We don't have all blasted day.

Would you chill out, all right?

I mean, I can't think with you
barking at me all the time.

Chill out?

Chill out.

It's chilly.

[Laughing]

[Jack] Thank you, thank you.

Hold the applause.

[Morgan] Holy be Jesus.

[Jack] Everybody get back!

[Voiceover] Duck.

[Yelling, talking over each other]

[Blackbeard] Every man
for themselves, lads!

It's every man for himself!

[Sapperstein] Run away!

Everybody out of the way!

[Voiceover] Get out of my way!

Any ideas, Mad Jack?

Give me a second.

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Jack, there must be
something you can do.

[Growling]

[yelling and screaming]

Well go on.

But captain.

That there stony giant
be over 30 feet tall.

That be no giant, boy.

If it is, it's the
smallest giant I ever saw.

Now get out there.

Go on.

Go get him, Jolly.

Get going, you no good scallywag.

Stay with that monster and
I'll forget about that

horribly disappointing day
you had on the beach.

Go on, duck.

Lead him off so's I can
make my way for the tomb.

[Jolly] Go on, Duck,
you're bigger than him.

Good work, lad!

Good boy, Duck.

[Grunting]

Well, it's too late.

[Duck whimpering]

Wouldn't want to make me
hurt you now, would you?

Whoa!

Running away!

[Yelling]

Very good, Duckbone!

Punch him in the face!

All right, guys.

Now let's get busy.

Are you certain, Mad Jack?

[Monster growls]

[yells]

[Jack] Come on, trust me.

One, two, three.

[Grunting]

Heave-h*.

[Yelling]

Felt like an
earthquake, that did.





[Shouts]

I've got this, quick,
go back to the bushes.

[Growling]

Hey stone head, I'm down here!

[Thunk]

I'm right here if you want me!

[Morgan] Watch out, Mad Jack!

[Thunk]

I say.

[Birds chirping]

[crash]

Hooray!

[Laughing]

Well, the bigger they
are, the harder they fall.

Oh Jack, I knew you could do it!

Outstanding lad, well done.

Thanks.

Stop celebrating.

Those scallywags beat
us to the treasure.

Well we have come
along way, haven't we?

What say we at least
take a peek, hmm?

I'm planning on more than a peek.

[Indistinct singing]

Must use caution.

Carbassas, he be all around us.

Worry not, Dumas.

We've got Mad Jack on our side.

Get back, get back.

[Clapping and playing fiddle]

[Blackbeard] Well, lads.

We have company.

Come into our humble abode.

Come on, mateys.

Wow.

In all my days, I've never held

such a magnificent fortune.

Well it's not for you.

Treasure be for men of character.

Gold can change a man.

Not a man like myself, mind you.

But I seen it turn
people right ugly.

Oh!

Dibs on the cane.

[Blackbeard] I saw it first.

[Sapperstein] It's mine.

Mine!- Mine!

This cane be mine.

I was saving it
for your birthday.

[Grunting]

This be the day

when old Blackbeard claims

the greatest treasure in the land.

Well, why can't we all just

share the treasure?

[Laughing]

[Sapperstein] Share it, share it.

We'll just split it up.

Jolly.

Duckbone.

Pack up our donkeys
here with the gold.

And see you pack them
a little heavier.

Who dares to enter my tomb?

I am Carbassas,
all-powerful sorcerer

of the seven seas.

Never heard of you.

Do not interrupt me.

You think you are so clever
to have made it this far,

but will your look last a lifetime?

Guys,

why do I get the feeling
that this is a trap?

Pipe down, you putzy octopus.

Your treasure be mine now.

And several lifetimes
it shall last me.

[Creaking]

The walls be closing in!

Several lifetimes it shall be.

Jolly, Duckbone.

Help me with the gold.

Quickly, mates,
we must take leave!

Run for your life!

[Yelling]

And just where do you
think you be going, matey?

Sapperstein, lend me a hand!

[Groaning]

[laughing]

Well, I'm sorry captain,

but it's every man for himself.

Every man for himself!

[Groaning]

[yells]

[Lily] Jack?

Lily!

When did this happen?

You've got to get me home, Jack.

Okay.

[Lily] Hurry, Jack!

Please Jack, get me out!

Huh?

You cannot escape me!

[Jack] You're gonna be okay.

I'm trying.

Get me out.

Hurry, my fin!

Hurry Jack.

[Grunting]

You did it, Jack.

[Morgan] Mad Jack, Miss Lily?

What on Earth is taking so long?

Prince!

Help!

Lily's in trouble!

Lily, everything's gonna be okay.

Welcome to my
treasure, Blackbeard.

[Laughing]

Look, just in the nick of time.

Man, I think I've had
enough adventure for one day.

What say your magic
book, Mad Jack?

[Sighs]

Well...

[Voiceover] Done
in by his own greed,

Blackbeard became part of the
very treasure he sought.

So far so good.

I just gotta go to the end.

[Voiceover] After saving
Lily from certain death,

Mad Jack bids farewell
to his mermaid friend.

Are you ready to go home, Lily?

I hope it's not
much further, Jack.

I am getting a bit dry
around the edges.

Don't worry, mermaid.

We'll get you home.

Well, guys, let's get her
back to the water, hurry.

One, two, three go.

Come on, faster, hurry.

[Morgan] Are you all
right, Miss Lily?

We'll let you go now.

[Gwyn] How does it feel, Lily?

It's so warm.

[Morgan] Gently.

[Lily] It feels so good.

[Jack] I bet.

[Lily] Thank you.

Can we like,

be alone?

But of course, Mad Jack.

Come along.

Goodbye, mermaid.

[Sighs]

Best adventure I ever had, Jack.

Although, I am glad to be home.

Yeah.

Oh no.

Your face, Jack.

It's turning the most...

The most horrible red color.

What?

Never met a boy
who blushed before.

Oh.

Something to remember me by.

Thanks, Lily.

Goodbye Jack.

I'll always remember you.

Managed to sneak
out some treasure,

did you lad?

Treasure?

What are you talking about?

Looks to be spun
gold, this material.

Rubies, emeralds,

diamonds.

No way.

I thought this was
just a lousy old rug.

You're wealthy beyond
your wildest dreams.

[Groans]

Oh man.

You know what, Prince.

You need this a lot more than I do.

I mean, you can take
this home to your king,

and cherish it for life.

Besides, I'm just a kid.

And...

And my mom says she's gonna
be making a ton of money

on her new job.

You're a good man, Mad Jack,

a buccaneer, through and through.

Praise to you, Jack.

And your sorcery.

Aye, Mad Jack.

And your magic bag.

Well.

Come along.

Homeward bound.

[Sighs]

[sighs]

[clears throat]

Begging your pardon, Prince.

But as per the rules of the sea,

and what with our captain now gone,

and the galleon being rightfully
restored to your command.

[Clapping]

The men and I were
wondering, sir, if...

If you can sail with us?

Yes.

Yes, that's it exactly.

Are you serious?

Why of course,
we're very serious.

Quite.

Well.

I supposed we could
use a few more...

Potato peelers, eh Dumas?

Potatoes?

You say you got
taters on your ship?

Oh, you got any butter?

Duckbone, shh.

Shut up, stop flapping.

Taters!

Well guys.

I guess this is adios.

Well, I do believe, lad,

that I speak for all my mates

when I say that you're welcome
on my galleon at any time.

Thanks.

I doubted ya,
'tis true, Jack,

but you proved to be a
fine sorcerer in the end.

Well, to be honest,

nothing I did was really magic.

I just was making things
up as we went along.

[Laughs]

Well it be magic to us, Mad Jack.

Thanks.

Next time I must
teach you swordplay.

Oh, yeah, that'd be cool.

And I will introduce
you to my Marguerite.

She waits for me in
Haiti, Port-Au-Prince.

And impressed she will be
of my tales of your magic,

Mad Jack.

Well guys, it's been real.

[Sighs]

Wait a sec.

Port-Au-Prince?

Port-Au-Prince.

Marguerite?

Marguerite.

That's Lucretia's ancestor.

She wrote this booooo...

[Morgan] Oh look.

Mad Jack's bag is a
flag on our ship.

Jack?

Jack, honey?

Hey.

Hey sweetie.

Listen to me.

You are not gonna believe this.

What a dream.

Listen, honey, I'm at my meeting,

and Gribben asks me what I think

my most important
accomplishment has been,

and you know what comes
out of my mouth?

Huh?

Jack.

Uh huh.

Everybody's sitting
there looking at me

like I'm crazy or something,

and suddenly,

honey it's the strangest thing,

all I could think of.

All I could think of is that I
should be home with my son.

Come here.

Jack.

Honey, what happened to your pants?

[Lucretia] Back so soon?

Lucretia.

I didn't end up staying
for dinner after all.

Maybe you can whip us all
up something to eat, huh?

Jack?

Honey, you hungry?

Yeah, I'm starved.

[Doorbell]

Right on time.

I figured you two would
need a late night snack,

so I ordered you pizza.

Cool.

Thanks Lucretia.

You're welcome, Jack.

[Laughing]

[serene music]