Wind in the Willows, The (1995)

[bunniefuu]

BOY: Of course we will. It's
the good old river, isn't it?

GIRL: I really want to see some
ducklings. They're so sweet.

BOY: Look! Look!
There's a coot.

GIRL: I think you'll find
that's a mallard.

Mallards always have
a green neck and yellow beaks.

BOY: Only the drakes,
cleverpants.

Lady ducks don't have green
necks. They're girls.

GIRL: What a horrible thing
to say. Girls are nice.

BOY: Girls? Rubbish!

WOMAN: Edward!

[Whistle blows]

BOY: Look, look!
More ducks! I told you so.

GIRL: They're searching
for food, poor things.

BOY: Look, a kingfisher!

GIRL: What about
the poor ducks?

Emma, you're always bothering
about the animals.

Don't their houses get washed
away when the boats go past?

BOY: Don't be silly, Emma.

The water goes right in their
front door.

How do you know?

Well, as a matter of fact,
we both know.

Don't we, Alexandra?

TOGETHER: The mole had been
working very hard.

It's all to do with the river.

And a certain Mole and Rat
and Mr. Badger.

GIRLS: Alexandra!
And Mr. Toad.

GIRL: You must imagine
what you can't see.

And that there are voices to
hear, for any that speak.

That's right.

You see, darlings,
you must listen to the river.

It's just the same
as ever it was...

and as it always will be.

Always changing
and always the same.

The mole had been working very
hard all the morning,

spring... cleaning his little home,

first with brooms,
then with dusters,

then on ladders
and steps and chairs...

with a pail of whitewash...

till he had dust in his throat
and eyes...

and splashes of whitewash
all over his black fur.

MOLE: Bother!

NARRATOR: Spring was moving
in the air above...

and in the earth below,
and around him,

penetrating even his dark
and lowly little house...

with its spirit of longing.

It was small wonder, then,
that suddenly...

MOLE: Oh! Oh, blow!

Hang spring... cleaning!

Hoo hoo hoo!

Up we go.

Up we go.

Oh!

[Birds singing]

Oh, my.

Hee hee hee hoo!

Aah.

- Halt!
- Oh!

Private road.

MOLE: Onion sauce.

Onion sauce.

Clear the way.
Ha ha!

- Did you see that?
- What a little cheek.

Well, I never!

MOLE: Oh, my.

Oh, my!

RAT: Hello, Mole.

MOLE: Hello, Rat.

RAT: Like to come over?

MOLE: All very well, to talk.

RAT: Step lively.

I've never been
in a boat before.

RAT: What? Never been...
Ha ha ha!

Oh, my young friend, there is
nothing, absolutely nothing...

half so much worth doing as
simply messing about in boats.

Messing about in boats.

Messing about...

MOLE: Ooh, look ahead, Rat!

Oh!

Oooh!

RAT: In boats, or with boats.
Ha ha ha!

Boats! In or out of them,
it doesn't matter.

That's the charm of it.

Whether you get away,
or whether you don't.

Or whether you arrive at your
destination or somewhere else.

Or whether you never get
anywhere at all.

You're always busy,
with nothing in particular,

and when you've done it, there's
always something else to do.

And you can do it if you like...

RAT: But you'd
much better not.

RAT: Shove that
under your feet.

A cold chicken, cold tongue,
cold ham, cold beef,

pickled gherkin salad,
French roll, cress sandwiches,

potted meat, ginger beer,
lemonade, soda water.

MOLE: Ha ha! Stop! Too much!

RAT: Only what I always take on
these little excursions.

MOLE: So... this is a river.

RAT: The River.

MOLE: And you live by it?

RAT: By it and with it
and on it and in it.

It's my world,
and I don't want any other.

What it hasn't got
is not worth having.

Winter, summer, spring, autumn...
Lord, the fun we have together!

MOLE: Just you and the River?
No one else?

RAT: No one else. The bank's
far too crowded nowadays.

[Bird cawing]

RAT: And everyone's always
wanting me to do something.

MOLE: What... what's over there?

RAT: That is the Wild Wood.

We Riverbankers don't
go there much.

MOLE: Uh, aren't the people
there very nice?

RAT: Oh, squirrels, all right,
rabbits, some of them.

And there's dear old Badger,
wouldn't live anywhere else...

if you paid him.

There are others, you see.

Weasels, stoats, foxes.

All right in a way,
but you can't really trust them.

Oh, oh. And, and, and...
beyond the Wild Wood...

Lies the Wide World.

I'm never going there,
and nor will you,

if you've got any sense.

Don't ever refer to it again.

MOLE: Oh, my.

MOLE: Oh, h*, my. Oh. My.

RAT: Uh... oh.

[Gasping]

Teaching Portly to swim.

A picnic?

Why didn't you invite me, Ratty?

Greedy beggar.

RAT: Uh, an impromptu affair.
By the way, my friend, Mr. Mole.

OTTER: Proud, I'm sure.

Such a rumpus
on the River today.

Came here for some quiet,
and stumble on you fellows.

Beg pardon, I didn't mean, um...

RAT: Hello?

RAT: Badger!
Whew, my dear old fellow.

Do come and, uh...

Hmm! Company.

RAT: Oh, dear.

That's just his way.

We shan't be seeing any more
of him today.

Well, then,
who's out on the River?

OTTER: The great man, for one.

Hee hee! Mmm. Boat, clothes,
everything brand... new.

RAT: Ha! First it was sailing,
then it was punting,

then it was houseboating.

Always the same.

Whatever Toad takes up,
he soon gets tired of it...

and starts on something fresh.

[Humming]

RAT: Ahoy there! Toad!

Aha! Company!

Hello, you fellows!

Uh! Wha!

No! Wretched oars!

[Laughing]

[Splash]

OTTER: Uh! Oh!

RAT: Ahem. Ah, yes.

Look, old man, perhaps it's time
we packed up, too, hmm?

MOLE: About rowing back, Ratty,
do you think that I might take...

RAT: My dear fellow,
I rather think not.

MOLE: Uh, I think I'd be rather
good at it, you know,

being rather a practical fellow,
good with my paws.

Uh, very quick on the uptake.

It can't be as difficult
as all that.

Learn a thing by doing a thing...

Now, see here. First,
you must learn the theory.

MOLE: Oh, hang the beastly
theory. I want a go!

RAT: Sit down!

MOLE: Let go! Let go, I say!

RAT: No, no, sit down!

- I'm determined I shall!
- I'm determined you shall not!

- Don't be so obstinate.
- Don't be such a fool!

Oooh!

MOLE: Oh, Ratty,
whatever can I say?

RAT: There's absolutely
no need.

MOLE: Oh, but there is.
When I think...

RAT: Come, now.

MOLE: Just think how I might
have lost...

your beautiful picnic basket.

I'm so sorry.

You've been so good
and generous,

and I've been so stupid
and ungrateful.

Can you forgive me?

RAT: My dear chap,
water under the bridge.

Ha! I say, that's quite funny.
Ha ha ha!

Look here.

You'd better stop here with me
for a while.

Teach you to row and swim.

Gain, um,
experience on the River.

NARRATOR: And, so it
was agreed, and straightaway,

that contrite Mole was eager to
learn from his wise, new friend,

not only about the perils
and dangers of the River

and its weirs and its sudden
floods, but also about its joys:

Night fishing with Otter,

excursions far afield
with Badger,

these things and so much more.

Until the glowing tiredness of
the long day...

finally overcame him, and
it was time for him to lay...

his happy head on the pillow,

knowing his other new friend,
the River,

was lapping close to his window.

And as summer ripened
and he mastered the skills...

and learned the delights
of running water,

he caught something of what
the wind was whispering...

so constantly in the reeds.

MOLE: Toad must be
a very nice animal.

RAT: The best of animals.
So simple, so good... natured.

So affectionate.

Not very clever, perhaps,

and it may be that he's both
boastful and conceited.

But, uh, he's got some great
qualities, has Toady.

He's rather rich, you know.

And his house really is one of
the nicest in these parts,

though we never admit it to him.

RAT: Banqueting hall.

MOLE: I wonder what
he's taken up instead.

RAT: We'll know soon enough.

RAT: Toady!

TOAD: Aah!

Ratty! Hurray! Splendid!

RAT: Toady, this is
my friend, Mole.

Moly, this is the famous Toad.

TOAD: How do you do, Mole?

MOLE:
It's a delightful residence.

Oh, how kind of you, absolutely!

Oh, it's the finest house
on the whole River.

[Laughing]

Oh, hee hee hee!
It's only my way, you know.

Now, look here!

I was just going to send a boat
for you, Ratty.

Um, yes, with strict orders to
come at once,

no matter what you were doing.
Come along!

Oh, you don't know how lucky
it is, your turning up just now.

You've got to help me!

RAT: If it's about
your rowing...

TOAD: Oh, pooh. Boating! Ha!
Sheer waste of time!

Gave that up long ago.

No. I've discovered
the real thing,

and I propose to devote
the rest of my life to it.

TOAD: There!
MOLE: Oh!

TOAD: There's real life
for you!

RAT: Ooh...

Oh, the open road!
The dusty highway!

The heath, the common,
the rolling hills,

villages, towns, cities!

Here today,
somewhere else tomorrow!

Travel, change, excitement!

A horizon
that's always changing.

And mind, this is the finest
of its kind ever built.

All the fittings planned
by myself.

MOLE: Come on, Ratty.

TOAD: You see, all complete.

MOLE: Oh, my.

TOAD: Everything you could
possibly want.

Nothing whatever has been
forgotten, you'll find,

when we make our start
this afternoon.

RAT: I beg your pardon.

We? Start?

TOGETHER: This afternoon?

Now, you dear, good, old Ratty.
Don't talk in that sniffy way.

You've got to come.
I can't manage without you.

You surely don't mean to stick
to your fussy old River...

all your life?

I want to show you the world!

Stop, will you? Wait for me!

RAT: I don't care.
I'm not going. And that's flat.

And I, too, am going to stick
to my old River...

and live in a hole and boat
as I've always done.

And what's more, you're going to
stick to me and do as I do,

aren't you, Mole?

Well, l...

TOAD: Oh, the joy
of the open road!

No cares, no worries.

Live for others.
That's my motto in life.

Hey, I say, Ratty,
take some refreshment, too.

[Owl hoots]

MOLE: I'll
always stick to you, Rat.

What you say is to be
has got to be.

[Toad snoring]

[Mimicking Toad]
Live for others.

That's my motto in life.

[Laughing]

[Mimicking Toad]
Talk about your old River.

This is the real life for...

[Toad snoring]

A gentleman.

RAT: I don't talk about
my River. You know I don't.

[Snoring]

RAT: But I think about it.

I think about it all the time.

[Toad snoring]

[Toad mumbling]
Just clear everything up,

my good fellows...

MOLE: Ratty, shall we run away
tomorrow morning very early...

and go back to our
dear old hole on the River?

RAT: No, no.
We'll see it out.

He wouldn't be safe
left to himself,

but thanks awfully.

[Toad mumbling]
Open road...

It won't take long.
His fads never do.

Goodnight, Moly.

Goodnight, Ratty.

[Toad snoring]

[Horse neighs]

MOLE: And then you flick the
oars, give a flick of the wrist,

and away you skim.

TOAD: And so, of course,
my dear Ratty,

I continued by stating
my long... held philosophy that...

RAT: Uh, precisely.

And what did you say to her?

TOAD: "Ever onwards and
upwards," I said.

[Horn honks]

"Progress," I said.
"Ever forwards and faster."

[Horn honks]

TOAD: Onwards...

[Horn honks]

TOAD: And upwards...

and forwards...

and faster!

[Honk honk]

[Crash]

RAT: Villains! Scoundrels!
I'll have the law on you!

I'll get you! I will!

[Honking]

Ha... ha.

Poetry in motion.

The only way to travel.

Oh, bliss! Oh!

[Honking]

Ha! Oh, my! Oh, my!

Stop being an a*s, Toad.

TOAD: To think I never knew!

All those wasted years!
I never even dreamt...

Ooh...

But now, oh! What dust clouds
shall spring up behind me...

as I speed on my reckless way.

What carts I shall fling
carelessly into the ditch.

Horrid little carts!
Common carts!

Canary... colored carts.

MOLE: What are we to do
with him?

Nothing...

[Toad honking]

RAT: At all!

MOLE: But he's not safe there.
Suppose another...

RAT: Bother, Toad!
I've done with him.

Catch me going on any more
jaunts with that provoking...

[Toad honking]

RAT: Animal.

[Toad imitating car,
putting and honking]

Vroom! Vroom!

RAT: You see? Quite hopeless.

[Ducks quacking]

RAT: How about this, Moly?

It's called Ducks' Ditty.

All along the backwater

Through the rushes tall

Ducks are a... dabbling

Up tails all

Everyone for what he likes

We like to be

Heads down, tails up

Dabbling free

High in the blue above

Swifts whirl and call

We are down a... dabbling

Up tails all

Ha ha ha!

MOLE: I don't think much
of that, Rat.

Ha ha ha! Nor do they.

They say, "Why can't we do
what we like, when we like,

"and as we like, without having
poetry made up about us?"

They say, "What a nonsense
it all is!"

MOLE: And so it is, too. Ha!

RAT: No, it isn't!

[Door slams]

NARRATOR: There was always
a restlessness...

in the countryside
at this time of year.

Ratty himself was feeling
restless.

Why all this craving for change?

The swallows spoke, the stirring
within them, a sweet unrest.

Of course the day would come
when they would be...

homesick again for lush meadows
and insect... haunted ponds.

But now they must answer
the call of the South.

The South!

They yearned for the passionate
touch of the southern sun,

for one waft
of the South's authentic odor.

Their blood, they said,
was dancing...

to a music
he could not understand.

But they were wrong.

He, too, felt
uncontrollable longings...

stirring within himself
to travel far and wide.

A voyage on a small
trading vessel, perhaps.

From Constantinople
to the islands of Greece,

and then to the Adriatic Sea,
whose shores swam...

in an atmosphere of amber,
rose, and aquamarine.

In his mind's eye,

he saw himself in and out
of harbor all the time.

Sleeping through the heat of
the day in some cool temple,

and then after sundown,
feasting under great stars...

set in a velvet sky.

In Venice, it might be,
with friends,

with the air full of music,
lights flashing and shimmering,

and swaying gondolas.

Then, by different ships,

to Sicily, Sardinia,
Corsica, and Alassio,

where the wine casks
were dropped overboard,

tied to one another
in a long, bobbing line

like a mile of porpoises...

and where he, Ratty,
that oarsman without equal,

would be one
of the singing boat crew...

that towed them
towards the little town...

where the great
olive woods began,

as did rest and refreshment
with friends in the South.

Hello, Ratty.
Been far?

South. Ah... south.

Is everything all right, Ratty?

RAT: Way, hey,
blow the man down

Coming on board.
Ship... ship...

MOLE: Ratty,
where are you off to?

RAT: Why,
with the rest of them...

seawards first
and then on shipboard...

to the shores
that are calling me.

Oh!

MOLE: No!

RAT: Oh! Uhh!

MOLE: No!

MOLE: Come on, old friend.

A phantom song,
pealing high...

between vaporous, gray,
wave... lapped walls.

I can't explain, Moly.

Sea voices, magic, haunting.

No, l... I can't explain,
but I'd have gone after them.

Gone and left you.

[Crying]

MOLE: Nonsense.
Leave at this time of the year?

Why? The apples are almost
rosy enough to pick.

There's our jams and pickles
to make and the nuts to gather.

And remember how you said
you loved watching...

the harvest
being brought home...

and the haystacks growing
higher and higher...

and how you'd take me
to see Mr. Badger?

You wouldn't miss the poetry
of all that, would you, Ratty?

NARRATOR:
There was a poetry, too,

about wintertime when it came,

when the pageant of summer
flowers had long shriveled.

Ever since that
first brief encounter,

long ago in the spring,

Mole had yearned to meet again
that imposing animal...

who lived in the heart
of the Wild Wood.

Perhaps now, when Nature
kicked off her clothes...

and the woods seemed closer
than ever to the Riverbank,

it was time to venture out...

and make the acquaintance
of the elusive Badger.

MOLE: Going for a stroll.

Run into Badger, maybe.

Won't be long.

[Snoring]

[Snap]

Uhh!

Oh!

Ha ha ha!

[Squeak]

Oh!

Ah!

Oh. Ha ha!

[Squeak]

What was that?

[Squeak]

Ah!

Ow!

Oh!

Ah! Oh...

[Squeaking]

Oh, my, this is awful!

I must find Badger.

Must find Badger's!

Oh!

[Squeaking]

RABBIT: Get out of this,
you fool. Get out!

MOLE: Help me! Help!

Oh!

Ah!

Terrible Wild Wood!
Terrible Wild...

Aah!

Ratty!

Ratty!

Ratty!

[Mole faintly calling]

[Snoring]

[Fire popping]

Oh!

[Yawning]

Moly.

Moly?

I say, old chap,
what rhymes with...

Moly?

Moly?

Moly? I say.

[Mole faintly calling]

Strange. That sounded like...

My word!

The Wild Wood!
Oh, Moly! Moly!

My dear old friend!

Oh, Moly...

Oh, Moly.

Moly!

Moly!

Mole!

Moly, where are you? Mole!

[Squeaking]

That's their game, is it?

Oh.

Poor old Moly.

Moly!

[Echoes]

Oh! Oh!

RAT: Mole!

MOLE: Ratty?
Is that really you?

RAT: Moly, where are you?

MOLE: Oh! Oh, Ratty, I...

I've been so frightened,
you can't think.

RAT: You really shouldn't have
gone and done it, Mole.

I did my best
to keep you from it.

If we Riverbankers have
to come here, we come in pairs.

We know things you don't yet:
Passwords, signs.

Without them, if you're small,
you'll find yourself in trouble.

If you were Badger or Otter,
it'd be quite another matter.

MOLE: Surely, brave Mr. Toad...

Toad? Wouldn't show his face
here alone for a fortune.

Now, we must make a start.
Can't spend the night here.

Brrr!

MOLE: I'm dreadfully sorry,
Ratty, but I'm dead beat.

If I don't rest awhile
and get my strength back, I'll...

RAT: All right. All right.
Rest away.

Anyhow, there should be a bit
of a moon later...

to help us find our way.

[Yawn]

RAT: Mole, time to be off.

I'll just see
if everything's quiet.

Hello.

MOLE: What's up?

RAT: Snow's up,
or rather, down.

MOLE: What shall we do?

RAT: Well, we must take
our chance, I suppose.

The worst of it is,
I don't know where we are.

Everything looks so different.

RAT: Too deep
to wade through some of it.

Down there, we might find
some shelter and have a rest.

Something may turn up.

[Clink]

Ooh, my poor leg! Oh, my!
I must have tripped on a branch.

RAT: Poor old Moly.
Not having much luck, are you?

It's a very clean cut.

Wasn't a branch you tripped on.

Sharp edge of something metal,
more like.

MOLE: It hurts just the same,
whatever done it.

RAT: Whatever did it!

Yes!

MOLE: Oh, come on, Rat.

RAT: Hurray! Hurray!

Hurray, hurray, hurray,

hurray, hurray, hurray,
hurray! Guess what!

What?

A door... scraper!

MOLE: Door... scraper? Huh!
Why dance jigs about it?

RAT: Don't you see what it
means, you dull... witted animal?

Yes. Some very careless person
has left it...

where it's sure to trip
everybody up.

I should go and complain...

RAT: Stop arguing and help me.

There!

What did I tell you?

MOLE:
You told me nothing whatever.

Go on. Dance another jig.

You found another piece
of litter.

I hope you're happy.

Can we eat it, sleep under it,

sit on it,
and sledge home on it?

You exasperating rodent.

RAT: Doesn't that doormat
tell you anything?

Doormats tell one nothing.
Doormats know their place.

RAT: Thick... headed beast.

Rat, you're a wonder.

That's what you are,
a real wonder.

Argued it out step by step,
looked at my shin,

and "door... scraper,"
your majestic mind told you.

And you found the very
door... scraper that done it.

RAT: Did it.

MOLE: Quite. Did it
stop there? It did not.

"Let me only find a doormat,"
says your intellect,

and you found one.

"Now for the door," you said,
and there is the door.

Well, you're wasted here
among us fellows.

If only I had your head, Ratty.

But as you haven't,

I suppose you're going to
sit there and talk all night.

Yes. Oh... oh, oh!

[Grumbling]

Now, the very next time
this happens,

I shall be
exceedingly angry.

Who is it this time?

Disturbing people
on such a night. Speak up!

RAT: Oh, Badger. It's me, Rat,
and my friend Mole.

We've lost our way in the snow.
Please let us in.

Why, Ratty, me dear little man.

Come along in. You must be
perished, both of you.

Well, I never!

Lost in the Wild Wood
and in the snow...

and at this time of night.

Ha ha ha.

Ahh.

NARRATOR: Old Mr. Badger,
gruff and alarming...

as he appeared
on first acquaintance,

was, in fact, the kindliest
and most welcoming of animals.

Although he almost never
went in search of society,

he was always
at home to his friends.

Whatever their needs and for as
long as they required to stay,

his visitors could expect
not only comfortable lodgings...

but also all the pleasures
of a well... loaded table.

All he ever wanted in return...

was the latest news
from the Riverbank.

Every week a new motorcar.

Bigger and shinier.

And more expensive.

And more powerful.

With which to terrorize
the neighborhood.

And every one ends in disaster.

His coach house is piled to
the roof with wrecked machinery.

And he persists in the belief
that he's a heaven... born driver.

No respect for the law.

It's disgraceful.

And rich as he is,

if he goes on like this,
he'll finish up bankrupt.

Oh, much, much worse.

Oh, my!

RAT: So, Badger, I think his
friends ought to rally round...

and make him see sense.

Now, now. Look here.

You know, of course,
that I can't do anything now,

but once the year has turned
and the nights are shorter...

and one wants to be up
and doing by sunrise, you know,

well, then, the three of us will
take Toad seriously in hand,

stand no nonsense,
bring him back to reason...

by force, if need be.

We'll make him sensible.

Right you are, Badger.

We'll convert the poor,
unhappy animal.

He'll be the most converted
Toad that ever was...

before we've done with him.

BADGER: I fancy
you know something...

about the creatures
of the Wild Wood, eh?

MOLE: I do indeed,
Mr. Badger.

BADGER: They're not so bad,
really.

Live and let live.
You'll have no further trouble.

RAT: Come along, Mole.

BADGER: Don't fret, Ratty.

I'll show you
my bolt... hole shortcut...

to the edge of the wood.

MOLE: Ratty, hold up!
Come back!

RAT: We can't stop now, Mole.

MOLE: Ratty, I want you, quick!
It's close by here.

RAT: Whatever it is,
we'll come back for it tomorrow.

Come, now. Be a good fellow.

It's getting even worse,
and I'm not sure of the way,

and I need your nose.

[Mole sobbing]

Oh, please come back, Ratty.

RAT: Do catch up, Mole.

Now, look here, Mole.

Why, whatever is the matter,
old friend?

We really ought
to step it up, you know.

MOLE: You don't
understand, Ratty.

It's my home.

My own home,
it's very close here.

It's only a shabby,
dingy little place,

but it were my own little home,
and I was fond of it.

Then I went away
and left it and...

RAT: Come, come.

MOLE: And just now
I scented it and...

I stopped, and I thought
my heart would break.

RAT: There, there, there.

What a pig I've been.

Just a pig... a plain pig.

Come on, Mole.

MOLE: Where... where to?

RAT: To find that home of yours
with that nose of yours.

[Mole sniffing]

MOLE: Do catch up, Ratty!

[Match being struck]

MOLE: Oh, Ratty!
Why ever did I do it?

Why did I bring you to my poor,
cold little place...

on a night like this?

You might have been at Riverbank
toasting your toes...

with all your own
nice things about you.

RAT: Hmm.
Most remarkable. Wonderful.

MOLE: Why did I do it?

RAT: Let's see inside.

MOLE: Oh, Rat, what
a neglected, cheerless place...

to bring you to.

RAT: Moly, how can you possibly
say it's cheerless?

You have a capital
little place here.

So...

uh... compact and snug.

Oh h* h*!
Where do you keep the opener?

It's all lovely.

MOLE:
Do you really think so?

In that drawer.
Glasses on that shelf.

They belonged to my granddad.

RAT: Everything you need.

What a beautiful bedspread.

MOLE: Aunt Emily made me that.

RAT: Light...

warmth...

Iove...

a home.

If you say so, Ratty,
then I couldn't be more pleased.

And, oh, Ratty,
you are most, most welcome.

NARRATOR: And so, comfortable
and at ease in his own home,

Mole entertained
his loyal friend.

What did it matter if he could
not provide bread or butter...

or, as Ratty said with
a sly grin, pâte or champagne?

In the company of a good friend,

the plainest of meals
is a banquet.

And what if Mole
had always had to live...

a somewhat frugal
and solitary life?

There always came
that time of the year,

in deepest, darkest winter,

when, with the best of good
cheer, he celebrated so much...

that had been good
during the 12 months gone by...

a time not only
for looking back,

but for looking forward...

for looking forward yet again
to the rebirth of the world...

out of the dying remnants
of the old year into spring.

[Whistling]

[Knocking on door]

RAT: Bother!

Be a good chap, Mole,
and see who it is.

MOLE: Ratty. Ratty!

It's Mr. Badger.

RAT: Well, then?

MOLE: It's Mr. Badger.

RAT: Well, then?

MOLE: Oh!

Oh, yes!

MOLE: Mr. Badger.

BADGER: Ahem.

The hour has come.

RAT: Uh, what hour, Badger?

BADGER: Not what hour...
whose hour.

Toad's hour, of course.

The hour of Toad.

I said I would take him in hand
as soon as winter was over.

Very well. His time has come.

MOLE: Yes. Hurray, I remember.

We're going to teach him
to be a sensible toad.

BADGER: This very morning...

I happen to know
that yet another new...

and exceptionally powerful
motorcar...

will arrive at Toad Hall
on approval or return.

We must act at once.

You two animals will
accompany me there instantly.

The work of rescue
shall be accomplished.

[Singing to himself]

Hello, you fellows.
You're just in time.

Just in time, I say, for...

BADGER: Restrain him!

RAT: Grab him, Moly!

TOAD: What are you doing?
I say, let go!

Let go of me.
This is an outrage!

MOLE: Back inside.

TOAD: I shall not go inside.
I'm going for a drive.

BADGER:
You won't be wanted today.

Mr. Toad has changed his mind.

TOAD: No, Badger!

I demand an instant explanation.

I haven't changed my mind.
Let go at once!

Rat! Mole!
Don't listen to him!

BADGER: This car
is not required, my man.

TOAD: No!
BADGER: That is final.

TOAD: Call the police!
They've all gone mad!

Start the engine.
I'm coming with you.

RAT: Hold him, Mole!

[Struggling]

TOAD: Oh, my car!
My beautiful car!

Badger, what have you done?

BADGER: Now, take
those ridiculous things off.

TOAD: Shan't!
Shan't, shan't, shan't!

BADGER: Take them off!

RAT: Toad!
Toad, for heaven's sakes!

TOAD: Let go, you Luddites!

BADGER: You knew it must come
to this sooner or later, Toad.

You've taken no notice
of warnings.

You've been throwing away
your money,

giving us animals a bad name
with your furious driving.

I want you to say you're sorry
and to promise...

RAT: That's no good.
He'll say anything.

BADGER: To promise solemnly
that you'll give up...

your motorcars
entirely and forever.

TOAD: You're so eloquent,
dear Badger...

and so moving...
and so convincing.

I faithfully promise that
the next time I see a motorcar,

off I go in it!

BADGER:
Quick, Moly! Lock him up.

TOAD: Stop it! No!
Let go of me!

I will not have this!

I'm not going up there.

RAT: It's for
your own good, Toad.

TOAD: You'll pay
for this, Ratty. Let go!

RAT: No more trouble
with the police.

MOLE: Just until you've got
this fever out of your system.

[Toad yelling]

RAT: Badger will know
what to do.

[Yelling]

Oh, I'm so angry!

It's just not fair!

[Sobbing]

Ah!

Ha ha ha ha!

Hee hee!

Heh heh heh heh!

Ha ha ha!

BADGER: Hmm. It's going
to be a tedious business.

I've never seen Toad
so determined.

However, we shall see it out.

He must never be left
an instant unguarded.

We shall have to take it
in turns to be with him...

till the poison has
worked itself out.

RAT: Divide the day between us?

MOLE: I'll go first.

BADGER: Excellent, Mole!

Let's see, now. It's...

MOLE: It's... it's...
it's Toad!

RAT: How the dickens did he...

BADGER: Why, that unrepentant...

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!

Ha ha ha!

Brain against brute force.
Ha ha!

BADGER: Toad! Toad!
Return at once!

[Honking weakly]

Come on, you fool! Come on!

RAT: Come back, you trickster!

TOAD: Ah!

Get out of the way! Ha ha!

Aah! Ha ha!

Oh, joy!

Oh, ecstasy!

Clear the way!

Open road!

Ha ha ha!

Hee hee hee!

Whoopee!

MAN: I say, that's my motorcar!

Villain! Scoundrel!
I'll have the law on you!

[Crash]

MAN: To my mind,
the only difficulty...

that presents itself...

in this otherwise
very clear case is...

how we can possibly
make it sufficiently hot...

for the incorrigible rogue
and hardened ruffian...

whom we see cowering
in the dock before us.

[People murmuring]

[Toad moaning]

JUDGE: Let me see.

He has been found guilty, first,

of stealing
a very valuable motorcar.

Second, of driving
to the public danger,

and third, of the most gross
impertinence to the police.

Mr. Clerk,
will you tell us, please,

what is the very stiffest
penalty...

we can impose for each
of these offenses,

without, of course,

giving the prisoner
the benefit of any doubt?

Because, of course...

[Coughs]

[Sniffs]

There is none.

TOAD: Ooh!

CLERK: Some people
would consider...

that stealing the motorcar
was the worst offense.

TOAD: I didn't...

CLERK: But cheeking
the police...

should carry
the severest penalty.

TOAD: Ooh!

CLERK: Say, 12 months
for the theft, which is mild;

three years for the furious
driving, which is lenient;

and as for the cheek, which, as
we have heard, was pretty bad,

let us say, um, 15 years.

TOAD: No!

JUDGE: Making a grand total
of 19 years.

Capital!

Call it 20,
to be on the safe side.

And if you ever appear
before us again,

we shall have to deal with you
much more seriously.

TOAD: Aah!

Ooh!

[Haunting voices]

MAN: In the best... guarded
keep of the stoutest castle...

in all the length and breadth
of Merry England.

[Haunting voices]

TOAD: No!

[Toad sobbing]

Ooh!

MAN: A mug of water
and half a slice of bread...

tomorrow morning.

WOMAN: Yes, Father.

TOAD: The very end
of everything for Toad...

for the popular
and handsome Toad...

for the rich
and hospitable Toad.

How can I hope
ever to be set free?

Toad...

how I pity me!

They'll all forget me:
Wise old Badger...

clever, intelligent Rat...

sensible Mole.

It really is the end, the utter,
bitter end of good old Toad.

[Sobbing]

[Crash]

Oh, no! No!

It was... only...

a dream.

Oh, hapless Toad!

I must languish day and night...

night and day...
in this dungeon...

till people who were proud
to say they knew me...

have forgotten
the very name of Toad.

And imprisoned so justly...
stupid animal that I was...

for stealing
so handsome a motorcar...

in such an audacious manner.

And for such lurid
and imaginative cheek...

ha ha...

bestowed on so many fat,
red... faced policemen.

Heh heh heh!

[Sniffing]

Oh, unhappy and forsaken Toad,

cast into a cold,
uncomfortable cell...

after the glories of Toad Hall.

Who, now, shall enjoy that
desirable riverside residence,

dating in part
from the 14th century...

with all modern conveniences,

five minutes
from post office and golf club,

boat house, walled garden,
pigsty, stables, pigeon house,

hen house, dairy, wash house,
china and linen cupboards,

and the great banqueting hall...

[Sobbing]

In which the wealthy
and ever... generous Toad...

so royally entertained
his guests...

with all that was best
to eat and drink.

[Door opening]

Oh!

WOMAN: Good morning, Mr. Toad.

TOAD: Yes, yes! Good morning!

WOMAN: Now, Mr. Toad,
I've been thinking.

Seeing as how fond I am
of animals,

and seeing as how
I do feel pity for you,

and seeing as how you're rich...

TOAD: Very rich, my girl.

WOMAN: Very rich...
and seeing as you...

wouldn't miss a pound or two,

well, see, I have an aunt
who's a washerwoman...

TOAD: Well, never mind.
Think no more about it.

I have several aunts
who ought to be washerwomen.

WOMAN: Do be quiet.
You do hurt my head.

It's my aunt as does the washing
for the prisoners, see,

because my father, the jailer,

do like to keep any
paying business in the family.

Now, my aunt is very poor,

and if you, Mr. Toad, don't want
to stay here for 20 years...

and would come
to an arrangement...

TOAD: To be free?

WOMAN: When her comes directly,
her could...

just slip her clothes off,
and you could put hers on,

and then everything
will be all right, you see...

because we could get you out.

RAT: Hello, old friend.
Had a nice day?

Phew! Hasn't it been hot?

MOLE: Hmm.

Been on the River
with some pals.

How was your supper
with the otters?

RAT: Something's the matter.
Out with it.

MOLE: I've been worrying
about Toad,

wondering how he'll stick
being in prison.

RAT: Never mind Toad.
He always falls on his feet.

MOLE: Ratty, how could you?

RAT: Save your concern
for the otters.

Young Portly has been missing
for several days.

He's strayed before,
but never for so long,

and the river's swollen.

MOLE: And the lad's
no great swimmer yet.

The Weir. Suppose...

RAT: Quite.
His father's frantic.

He's going to keep watch
all night by the ford.

It's where he caught
his first fish, you see?

[Indistinct voices]

Do you mind?

[Clears throat]

Ha ha ha ha!

Toad, old boy, you are a marvel!

[Train whistle]

Huh? Oh!

Aah!

Oh, no! My wallet!

It's in my other clothes. Aah!
I haven't got any money!

Oh, oh! Oh, no!

Wait! Wait! Don't go!

TOAD: Uh... oh, sir!

Oh, sir!

Look, I'm a poor,
unhappy washerwoman,

and I've lost all my money,
and I can't pay for a ticket,

and I must get home tonight.

MAN: And got some nippers
a... waiting for you, daresay.

TOAD: Oh, yes.
Any amount of them.

Oh, dear! Oh, dear!

MAN: I'll tell you what.

You wash a few shirts for me,
I'll give you a ride.

TOAD: Yes, yes!
A thousand shirts!

MAN: Up with you, then!

TOAD: Whoa!

TOAD, THINKING:
Ah, admit it, Toad, old boy...

you are a marvel!

Luck?

Luck doesn't come into it.

Oh, with what brilliant
theatrical skill...

you bamboozled
the prison guards!

With what subtle arts
of persuasion...

you wrung the heart
of this clod of a train driver.

Why, you're probably
the greatest actor in England,

and you're once again free,
my dear fellow. Free!

MAN: Here's a run... go,
washerwoman.

Criminals, are we?

Then we ought to stop.

TOAD: No! I will confess.

I am not a poor washerwoman,
but rather the famous Mr. Toad.

I've just escaped
from a loathsome jail,

and if they recapture me,

it will be chains and misery
once again...

for poor, innocent me.

MAN: Innocent?
What were you imprisoned for?

TOAD: Only borrowing a car.

[Shouting]

MAN: I ought by rights
to turn you in,

but I don't hold with being
ordered about by policemen...

when I'm on me own engine.

Here's the tunnel a... comin'.

You must jump just before,
all right?

TOAD: Yes.

MAN: Are you ready?
Now! Jump!

Jump!

TOAD: Aah!

[Train whistle]

NARRATOR:
So Toad was safe for the moment,

but what of little Portly,

missed, looked for,
not yet found,

and leaving no clues
to help the searchers?

Ah, Ratty, dear old Ratty,

who was so wise
in the ways of the River,

was following
an instinct of his own,

something that was in the air.

Some spirit drew him on...
haunting, awesome...

and once he heard its voice,
he had no option but to follow.

Sometimes the beauty of it
hurt him.

It would come and go... faint
an hour, and then stronger...

which was nowhere,
and yet everywhere at once...

a merry bubble and joy,

or else a thin, clear,
happy call...

that he had once heard
at its loudest and strongest...

at the place of what
he called his song... dream:

A holy place where,
if anywhere at all,

that spirit might be found.

MOLE: Ratty, are you afraid?

RAT: Of him?

Never. Never.

RAT: Some... great...
creature... has been here.

MOLE: Here he is, Ratty.

Now we must get you back
to your father, young Portly.

Come along, Rat.

Think of poor Otter
waiting by the ford.

OTTER: You scoundrel!
Where did you get to?

Do you know I've had no sleep
for two nights because of you?

MOLE: I'm so tired, Rat.
Are you?

RAT: Dead tired.

Something very splendid and
beautiful has happened, Mole.

Hark to the wind in the reeds.

MOLE: It's like faraway music.

RAT: Music, yes.
But words, too.

MOLE: I can't hear any words.

RAT: "Lest the awe should dwell
and turn your frolic to fret,

"you shall look upon my power
at the helping hour,

"but then you shall forget."

Can't you hear those words
in the reeds, Mole?

MOLE: No, Ratty, l...

I'm sorry, I just can't.

RAT: "Helper and healer,
I cheer,

"small waifs
in the woodland wet,

"strays I find in it,
wounds I bind in it,

"bidding them all forget."

MOLE: I shan't forget
Mr. Toad. Not ever.

Oh!

Ooh?

WOMAN: Nice morning, missus!

TOAD: I daresay it... Ahem!

[In high... toned voice]
I daresay it is to them...

as isn't a poor washerwoman...

as needs to wear
her poor, old feet out...

to visit her daughter
as lives near Toad Hall.

WOMAN: Toad Hall?

Canal joins the river
near there.

I'll give you a lift.

TOAD: Ah, thank you,
ma'am, indeed.

TOAD, THINKING: It's the charm
that does it, Toad, me old lad.

Pure charm.

WOMAN: Washerwoman,
you says, missus?

TOAD: Laundry lady,
I should have said.

I run a very high... class
business, you know.

TOAD: Am I an idiot?
I'm in hot water again!

Oh, never mind. Pooh, I say.

Any fool can wash.

Now, then... you put
these things in... ooh! ...in here,

and then... rub a bit of soap on,
like this...

and... whoop!

Come here, you little beast!

Then, um, you're supposed
to do something with this...

like that, I think.

And, uh...

Oh, get back in there, will you?

Well, I never.

WOMAN: Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh!

TOAD: And what I say is,
washing should be left to fools.

How dare you mock me,

you common,
low, fat, barge woman!

WOMAN: Who are you
to be calling me names?

TOAD: I'll have you know
that I am, in reality,

the very well... known,
highly respected,

and distinguished Toad!
So there!

WOMAN: What?

A nasty, creepy... crawly toad?

On my lovely, clean barge?

Eww!

TOAD: Get off me!

WOMAN: Good riddance!

TOAD: Whaaah!

WOMAN: Ha ha ha ha!

Iron your face, washerwoman,

and you'll pass
for a fair... looking Toad.

TOAD: But I'll put you out!

Oh, yes!

Here, horsey. Come to Toad.

WOMAN: Stop! Stop!

Stop!

TOAD: Ha ha! Trot on, dobbin.

WOMAN: Oh! You fooled me!

You clumsy... you...
you nasty... you toad!

Oh! Ohh!

Stop!

TOAD: Ha ha!

The world has held
great heroes

As history books have showed

But never a name
to go into fame

Compared with that of Toad!

Aha!

Toad shall arrive home in style.

TOAD: Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, prison and chains again!

[Echoing]
Oh, hapless Toad!

[Door opens]

MAN: Oh! Poor old washerwoman.

Overcome by the heat, I daresay.

[Toad groaning]

JUDGE: Why, she looks
better already.

How do you feel now, mum?

TOAD: A great deal better, sir.

Thank you, kindly.

Except, sir,
I was just thinking.

JUDGE: Yes?

TOAD: I've never been
in a motorcar before.

How do they work, I wonder?

CHAUFFEUR: I'll be more
than glad to show you,

but I fear it's a rather
complicated business...

for an old lady to understand.

[Gears grinding]

TOAD: Washerwoman, eh?

I am none other
than the famous Toad,

motorcar snatcher
and prison breaker!

JUDGE: Oh! Grab him!

TOAD: Sit still, and you shall
know what driving really is.

For you're in the hands
of the famous, skillful,

entirely fearless Toad!

Ha ha ha ha!

[Crash]

MEN: Help! Help!

Help!

JUDGE: You reprobate,
how dare you kidnap me!

I shall have you arrested.

TOAD: Ha ha ha ha!

Huh!?

TOAD: The bobbies! Aah!

Catch me if you can!

[Bobbies blowing whistles]

MAN: Stop!

TOAD: Waah!

MAN: He's going away!

There's no bridge!

TOAD: Oh! Oh! Poor Toad!

[Toad sputtering]

RAT: Hold fast, madam!
Hold fast!

TOAD: Oh, kind sir, help me,
poor wretch that I am.

RAT: Toad? Toad?!

TOAD: You simply
won't believe...

what I have to tell you,
my dear fellows.

With one bound,
I was free from prison,

took a short cruise
on a luxury ship,

took up me old interest
in motorcars once again...

MOLE: Oh, Toad,
it is lovely to have you back.

TOAD: Just wait
till I tell you my last exploit.

RAT: Now, see here, Toad.
We don't want to give you pain...

MOLE: No, we don't.
Hurray for old Toad.

However did you do it,
you clever, intelligent...

RAT: But it's like this.

As soon as you got into
your scrape, we Riverbankers...

MOLE: Who all stuck up for you.

RAT: Be quiet, Moly!

We decided to keep an eye
on Toad Hall for you.

MOLE: Keep it aired and dusted.

TOAD: Very civil of you.

RAT: So Badger and Mole here...

moved in with
some of their things.

MOLE:
But the Wild Wooders came...

and surprised us
with a raiding party:

Weasels, armed to the teeth,
and stoats and ferrets...

RAT: And beat
the living daylights...

out of the two of them
with sticks...

and threw them out!

And they say they're staying
in Toad Hall for good,

eating your grub,
drinking your drink...

MOLE: And making up rude songs
and jokes about you.

TOAD: What? We will jolly soon
see about that!

RAT: It's no use.

Armed sentries everywhere:

Ferret on the gate with a r*fle,
stoats on the roof with rocks.

MOLE: I know...

I'll dry out Toad's washerwoman
clothes and put them on...

and go up to Toad Hall
and ask them...

if they want any washing done.

And they'll say,
"Run away, old woman,"

and I'll say, "Won't be me
running away before long...

"because there's a great army
of badgers and rats and moles...

"coming up through the paddock
tonight, armed to the teeth,

"not to mention
the death... or... glory toads."

And oh, my,
won't that get them flustered?

RAT: A great army?

TOAD: Poor friendless animal.

BADGER: Good day to you, Toad,
unhappy creature.

I have high hopes of you, Mole.

Tonight, they're having
a banquet for the chief weasel.

If the good Mole's
washerwoman ruse works,

the stoats and ferrets...

would be mainly posted sentinel
in the paddock...

and not best pleased
with the weasels,

who will all be eating and
drinking in the dining hall...

none of them armed,

and little suspecting
how we shall overpower them.

TOAD: Plehh! Pyuuh!
Only four of us?

And we'd be seen?

BADGER: My young friend...

your father, who was
a worthier animal than some,

told me things he'd never
have dreamt of telling you.

There's a secret
underground passage...

which leads right up
under your butler's pantry.

TOAD: That squeaky board!

[Animals yelling
and dishes clattering]

[Noise continues in distance]

[Badger sniffing]

Now, boys, all together.

WEASEL: I should like
to say one word...

about our kind host, Mr. Toad.

We all know Toad!

Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. Good Toad!

Modest Toad!

Honest Toad!

Ha ha ha ha!

TOAD: Ooh! Let me at him.

BADGER: Now, hold on.

Get ready, all of you.
The hour has come.

WEASEL: Let me sing you
a little song...

on the subject of Toad.

Ahem. Ahem.

Toad, he went a... pleasuring
gaily down the street

BADGER: Now!

[Shouting]

WEASELS: Oh! Look out!

TOAD: I got you!

TOAD: Eat my food, would you?

Drink my drink, would you?

Sleep in my beds, would you?

TOAD: That's it!

Clear out, and don't come back,
you rotters!

MOLE: That's it, then, Badger.

BADGER: Whew!

Mole, you're
the best of fellows.

You and old Ratty go outside...

and send those ferrets and
stoats about their business,

while I have a word with Toad.

TOAD: Did you see how I sent
that chief weasel flying?

BADGER: Sit down, Toad!

Shortly, you will attend
to our immediate needs,

and tomorrow you will give
a splendid banquet...

to celebrate this affair.

TOAD: Of course!
It’ll be the finest...

BADGER: You will immediately
make out a guest list...

and then write invitations
to all our friends.

RAT: It's all over.

Threw down their r*fles
and fled.

MOLE: Not all of them.

Some stood fast for a bit.

And there were stoats
fighting with weasels,

and they was wrestling
and wriggling.

BADGER: Excellent
and deserving animal.

How's that guest list coming on
for our feast tomorrow?

TOAD: Oh, bother
the guest list!

Here's the program
of entertainment.

We'll open
with a speech by Toad.

There'll be other speeches
by him later in the evening.

Then an address by Toad
about, uh...

the prison system, canals,
horse stealing, et cetera,

followed by a song from Toad...

and other pieces
performed by the composer, Toad,

uh... oh...

I say... not one speech tomorrow?

N... not one s... s... song?

[Footsteps coming closer]

BADGER: Well, I never.
What's keeping him?

BADGER: Always in the habit
of keeping people waiting.

TOAD: Not one song. Huh!

Whose homecoming is it,
I'd like to know?

When the Toad came home

When the Toad came home

There was smashing in
of window

And crashing in of door

There was chivvying
of weasels

That fainted on the floor

When the Toad came home

Bang go the drums

The trumpeters are tooting

And the soldiers
are saluting

Cannon they are sh**ting

And the motorcars
are hooting

Toot! Toot! Toot!

As the hero comes

Oh!

Don't want my songs, eh?

Well, it's entirely their loss,
of course.

Oh, poor fellows.

Hey h*.

Shout hurray

And let each one of the crowd
try and shout it very loud

In honor of an animal
of whom you're very proud

For it's Toad's great day!

[Animal speaking indistinctly]

[Applause]

NARRATOR: All the animals
cheered when he entered,

and crowded round to praise his
great courage and cleverness.

But Toad only smiled,
"Thank you,"

and murmured, "Not at all.
Badger was the mastermind,

"and Mole and Water Rat
bore the brunt of the fighting.

"I merely served in the ranks
and did little or nothing."

So...

GIRL: So...

TOGETHER: He was indeed
an altered Toad.

[Laughing]

[Boat whistle]

There. We're wanted aboard.

Come along...
all hands to the packing.

BOY: I want to hear some more!
Is that the end?

GIRL: Not quite.

WOMAN: At Badger's command,
Toad sent presents or money...

to the jailer's daughter
and the engine drivers...

GIRL: And the barge woman.

WOMAN: And the barge woman.

[Bird screeching]

[Boat whistle]

WOMAN: Sometimes,
on long summer evenings,

four friends would take a stroll
together in the Wild Wood.

Mother weasels would bring
their young ones...

to the mouths of their holes
and say, "Look!

"There's the great Mr. Toad,

"and that's
the gallant Water Rat!

"And yonder's
the famous Mr. Mole!"

Whenever their children
were naughty,

they would be told
if they didn't behave,

the terrible gray Badger
would up and get them!

GIRL: But this
was very unfair on Badger...

because he was
rather fond of children.

WOMAN: And so am I.

I daresay Ratty's
out with the others,

messing about in boats.

GIRL: Gosh, yes!
We might even see them.

BADGER: The very next time
this happens,

I shall be exceedingly angry.

MOLE: Bother!
Oh, blow! Hang spring... cleaning!

RAT: I'm not always talking
about my old river,

but I think about it
all the time.

TOAD: Been in prison.
I got out, of course.

Thrown into a canal,
swam ashore, stole a horse.

I'm such a clever toad.

GIRL: Oh, wasn't that such fun?

BOY: What adventures
did they have next?