(gentle serene music)
- Huck Finn, Tom Sawyer
swears they will keep mum
about this and they wished
they may drop down dead
in their tracks if they ever tell or rat.
Can you imagine?
Hi, I'm Jon Voight,
and you may know me from
some of the roles I've played
in movies such as "Mission
Impossible," "Varsity Blues."
But what you may not know is
that I'm a concerned father.
I know how important it is
to give our children
good viewing materials.
My friends at Paul Family Films
have taken these classic
stories of Mark Twain,
these stories that we've all grown up on
and we've learned to love,
and they've put a modern twist on them.
And I know that you're gonna
find them charming and amusing,
and most importantly,
that they still carry
the most precious and
cherished values of yester year
that should serve as a legacy
for all future generations.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ John says pop like
it's got four letters ♪
♪ He wears his indie badge
pinned to his sweater ♪
♪ Everyone knows that he's not better ♪
♪ He's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Suzie laughs at my leather pants ♪
♪ She's got no time for
my (indistinct) dance ♪
♪ She's never gonna
give me half a chance ♪
♪ She's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool cool cooler ♪
♪ C-c-cooler than me ♪
♪ Bob liked them before they sold out ♪
♪ He's lousy with his street wise clout ♪
♪ There just can't be no doubt ♪
♪ He's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Ah 'cause they got no
time to tune their guitars ♪
♪ And they say k*ll all them rock stars ♪
♪ They spend their days
on drinks and bars ♪
♪ They're so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool cool cooler ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
- [Narrator] So hey, how
you doing? All right.
I want to tell you this story
I heard from my grandfather
who heard it from his grandfather,
who heard it from, oh, uh,
somebody, I forget.
Oh, right from his grandfather.
Anyway, it's about these
two dudes who were so alike,
they should have been brothers.
I mean, they were brothers.
No, no, no.
They were supposed to be
brothers. That's right.
But when they were born,
there was this really big mess up
and they were born to
two different families.
This one dude who was, like,
a totally awesome surfer,
was born in this mellow little town
of Palm Bay, California,
while the other one was born
in a much more royal kind of place.
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Wish I was better ♪
♪ You're cool ♪
(bright orchestral music)
- Good morning, my dear Prince Edward.
(Baumgarten claps)
I have spoken with your mother, the queen.
- Please. Is it good news?
- Oh, I, I don't know if I should say.
It was given to me in complete confidence.
- As are your midnight
visits to the royal kitchen.
- A master negotiator already.
- A lesson learned from my father.
- God rest his soul.
Your mother, the queen, has decided
that you shall accompany her
on the first historic visit
of the Gelfland nobility
to the United States of America.
- Oh, how joyous.
- I knew you would be pleased.
- I have dreamed of such an
excursion since I was a child.
- That long?
- They say that America's
the land of opportunity,
the home of the brave.
Give me your tired.
Your poor. Your huddled masses.
- Yearning to breathe free.
- I wish to see it all, Minister Kratski,
from the Redwood Forest
to the Gulfstream waters.
- You are a young man now, Prince Edward.
The heir to your father's throne.
- Yes, but Minister, I merely-
- Gelfland must be your only concern.
If we cannot obtain an
international trade partner,
our economy faces complete financial ruin.
- I will not let Gelfland down, Minister.
- I know you will not, my Prince.
- Perhaps the minister has a point.
After all, I understand that
this California province
that we plan to visit
is a cultural wasteland
and its people are tediously common.
- We are all God's children, my Prince.
And I must believe
that these people of
America are just like us.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Bob liked them before they sold out ♪
♪ He's lousy with his street wise clout ♪
♪ They're just can't be no doubt ♪
♪ He's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Ah 'cause they got no time ♪
♪ To tune their guitars ♪
♪ And they say k*ll all them rock stars ♪
♪ They spend their days ♪
♪ On drinks and bars ♪
♪ They're so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
- Good morning, dad.
- Hey, good morning, Cash. How are you?
- Man, what a day out there.
Nice waves, smooth, long swells.
Perfect for old timer long
boarders, like yourself.
- Old timer?
Who you calling old timer?
Tell you what, I still got the moves.
Bet I can show you a
thing or two out there.
- Yeah, that so?
- Yeah.
Ooh.
All right.
Back when I was a kid,
we'd go surfing when the
water was 50 degrees.
- Yeah.
- That's right.
Big five-o.
50 degrees and we didn't need
no sissy wetsuits either.
- Right.
- Okay. I'll tell you what. Here.
- Thank you.
- Next time you got
time, we'll do a session.
All right?
See you if can cramp the old man's style.
- Hey, dad, you should, uh,
check out today's business section.
There's this, uh, new
company that just went public
called Funlimited.
- Limited Fun?
- No, they're Funlimited.
See, they design, like, amusement parks
and virtual reality game centers,
golf resorts, stuff like that.
- Okay, Cash. What's the scheme this time?
- It's not a scheme, dad.
Solid money making venture.
I mean, man, we clear a
couple hundred bucks a week,
stick that money into
Funlimited, watch it expand.
And boom.
- Boom?
- Boom. Easy money, man.
I mean, we get on the board of Funlimited,
and we design our own amusement centers.
I'd be in charge of Surf Land and hey,
you were the best cop in the
history of Palm Bay, right?
You could be in charge of Super Cop Land.
- Super Cop Land. (laughs)
- We live out our years
in a 10 room beach house
at The Bahamas, huh, huh?
- [Johnny] Styling then, huh?
- [Cash] Hey, uh, you
check the want ads today?
- You know I already got a job.
- Well, yeah, but it doesn't quite match
the excitement of being
a cop now, does it?
- Now, don't kid yourself, son.
Selling insurance over the phone
is nothing but thrills and excitement.
- Yeah, well, I saw,
what about this job, huh?
Five star resort needs security officer.
- No, I don't think mom would like me
in that line of work anymore.
- Yeah, well, who am I
to argue with the dude
that can handle 60 degree surf?
- That was 50 degree surf. It
was the middle of the winter.
It was double overhead. No
wetsuits and no leashes.
Hey, Cash.
Thanks for coffee.
- Later, dude.
- Bahamas.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool cool cooler ♪
♪ C-c-cooler than me ♪
(bright orchestral music)
- And this is your suite, Prince Edward.
- The American Consortium
was quite gracious to
provide for our stay.
- Oh, yes.
This 500 acre resort consists
of 10 individual estates such as this.
Swimming pools, stables, golf course,
and something the
Americans call mini-golf.
- And your quarters, Minister.
Are they adequate for your needs?
- Oh, my needs are a mere trifle
compared to the welfare of our land.
- Gelfland will not simply
endure this economic crisis.
It will grow and prosper.
We will see to it.
- This is just like my room at home.
- (sighs) Excuse us.
- They simply moved my
furniture from the castle.
- Minister thought it,
it would put you at ease
to be in familiar, surroundings.
A home away from home.
- Wonderful.
It's as if we never even left.
- Edward, tell me your troubles.
- No, my Queen.
I know that you have enough
to worry about as it is.
- Well, the queen
and the prince just left the room
and only a concerned mother
and unhappy son remain.
- I know that this journey
is of utmost importance
to our country.
But... (sighs)
Is it wrong for me to wish to see America?
(Queen laughs)
- No, no. It's not wrong.
I also wish I had time to
really experience this land.
- You do?
- Yes.
You know, we're very much the same.
Edward, when I was young
and I felt the weight of
the world on my shoulders,
I would venture out into the courtyard
hoping to find the path to my destiny
in the cold night air.
- Where will I find my destiny then?
- My son, I have a feeling
your destiny will find you.
- Halt.
Leave them closed.
(tense brooding music)
- Hey, man. Aren't you
supposed to be somewhere?
- Aren't you?
- Hey, what's going on, guys?
- Cash, what's up, man?
- [Friend] How's it going, man?
- [CT] Saw you catch
some nice waves today.
- Yep. Hey, so what's going on?
- Same old.
Still trying to decide
whether or not to have brunch
in Beverly Hills or hang
out with them supermodels
that keep calling us.
- Yeah, tough choice, dude.
- Yeah, well, we can
always do the same thing
we did yesterday.
- Hang out and do nothing?
- Bingo.
- Great, man.
- Well, you figure
something out then, man.
- I don't know.
There must be some way we
can make some cash, you know?
Do something.
- [CT] Yeah? Like what?
- I don't know.
We gotta get out of Palm
Bay, all right, dude?
And start a surf shop in
Australia or, I don't know,
a skate park in Europe somewhere.
I don't know, anything.
- What, man, and leave all
this excitement? (scoffs)
Well, well, if it ain't
sweet, little Melissa.
- What's my name?
- Uh, darling Melissa.
Okay. Mel, Mel, your name's Mel.
- You're the toughest dude I know, Mel.
- Thanks. I think.
- Hey, why weren't you out
surfing on dawn patrol?
- Uh, I couldn't find my wetsuit.
- Wetsuit?
No, I once surfed in 40 degree waters
with only my trunks on.
- Sure.
- Would you believe 50 degrees?
You two want a ride?
Plenty of room on the board.
(car thuds)
(horn beeps)
- If you dented it, you die.
Hey, it's trash Canty.
- What do you think of my new car?
- Well, it's shiny on the outside,
but it breaks down a lot
and makes a lot of noise
and it's slower than it looks,
so I guess it reminds me of you.
- At least I don't have to push
with my feet to make it go.
(engine revs)
(tires screech)
- Some guys, they get whatever they want
whenever they want it.
- Trash Canty. Actually
that's pretty funny.
- Yeah, well, not as funny
as, uh, sweet little Melissa.
(upbeat pop music)
- You ever work security?
(fly buzzing)
- Well, not security per se,
but for 10 years I was a-
- You've held several different
jobs over the past year.
- What's up with that?
- Drinking problem?
- No.
- Drugs?
- No, of course not. Look,
my record's right there.
- Violence.
- Wife beater, right?
- (sighs) No, my wife
passed away two years ago.
- You're not the one who, uh, you know...
- No.
- Hey, this is law enforcement, Canty.
We have to ask these things.
- We get big people
here at Windsor Resort.
Big people.
- Millionaires.
- Movie stars.
- Hey, we got a queen
staying here right now.
A prince too.
- A queen.
- That's right.
- She's got the crown and everything.
- She does?
- It's why we're beefing up security.
- And danger could be
lurking around any corner
of this resort, Canty.
That's why as a security agent,
you must engage all five senses.
Hearing, seeing.
- Smelling, tasting.
- And hearing.
(flies buzzing)
- You see, Canty, a
guy like you maybe, uh,
maybe you've gone a little soft.
Maybe your senses aren't quite as sharp.
- Maybe you're just not
security guard material.
(Johnny laughs)
- Yeah, yeah.
Maybe you're right.
- Maybe we are.
- Maybe.
- But I gotta tell you something.
I mean, I can tell just
by looking at you guys
right off the bat, that
this is a crack operation.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, the surveillance equipment is,
it's advanced.
And this technique you have,
I'll tell you, it's state of the art.
Yeah, yeah.
Even with all my years
in the police force,
I've never seen such professionalism.
- Police force?
- Wait a minute, you were a cop?
- Yeah. 10 years.
Detective.
Robbery, homicide.
- Detective.
- Yeah, uh, look, Canty,
we've decided to reconsider
your application for employment
for a trial period.
- Welcome aboard.
- Well, that was great.
Now let's try this.
The United States of America-
- 42 presidents.
- The shortest term was held-
- William Henry Harris.
- It lasted only-
- 30 days.
- Because he had-
- Pneumonia.
- Please do not take offense, my Prince,
but I no longer wish to play with you.
- Excellent, then let us
go outside for a walk.
- Minister Kratski says
that we must stay inside
and focus on your lessons.
Although I dare say you know more
about America than most Americans.
- I only know ink on a page.
Facts, figures, tallest, highest, longest.
That will never equal
touching American soil,
walking the American streets,
experiencing the American people.
- Sometimes in life
we are disappointed.
Consider the caterpillar
who longs to be a hawk.
- Let's say your
caterpillar forms a cocoon
at the base of a potted tomato plant
at the home of a botanist in France.
- Go on. Go on.
- The botanist travels on
holiday to the United States.
He stands on the shore
of the Pacific Ocean
holding the potted plant
with the attached cocoon.
- Interesting.
- The butterfly never
saw the Pacific Ocean.
Therefore, it cannot relay
to others its experiences.
Therefore, it was as if
it was never truly there.
- You win.
Let's go.
- Yes.
(bright orchestral music)
(gentle suspenseful music)
- You were told to remain in your room.
- My only intention was to experience
how the people of this country live.
All I want is to see America.
- And America you shall see, my son.
- My Queen.
- I have been invited
to the Palm Bay Aquarium
and I would like Edward
to go in my place.
- Is that safe?
I am, uh, worried that, uh,
the prince might be exposed
to the dangers and vices.
- Soon Edward will be king. Your king.
And he needs to learn
about the responsibilities
that come with representing
his country abroad.
- Perhaps you are right.
It may be time for him
to stretch his wings.
- There is a condition.
- For the opportunity
to catch even a glimpse
of this country, I shall do anything.
- Well, you must share your limousine
with your betrothed, Lady Galina
and her aid Constance.
(waves crashing)
(seagulls cawing)
- I can't see anything.
- What is there to look at?
Just a lot of idiotic, insipid Americans.
- I do not believe that
is an appropriate attitude
from a visitor to a
foreign land, Lady Galina.
- And I do not believe
that it is appropriate
for a boorish fellow like
yourself to reprimand my lady.
- Is that so, Constance?
- Yes, that is so, Baumgarten.
- Extended periods in the
warm sun have evidently
deteriorated what little
brains and personalities
these Americans may have had, anyway.
- Perhaps as an experiment,
you should step out of this
automobile to determine
if this warm sun could
melt the block of ice
encasing your heart.
- What a grand idea.
I would have you open the door for me,
but I wouldn't want to be responsible
for blistering those tender,
girlish hands of yours.
- Lady Galina.
- Baumgarten.
- Constance.
- Edward.
- [Everyone] Silence.
(Edward sighs)
(upbeat rock music)
- [Cash] So what are we gonna do now?
- I dunno. Same old.
- Same old? Come on.
We gotta do something new here.
- Ah, CT will be here any minute.
- Yeah, right, he won't
have any ideas. Come on.
- What's up?
- What's up, CT? How's it going?
Hey, what's that?
- Oh yeah, I saw that in the news today.
Something about a prince
and a queen or something
visiting Palm Bay.
- Really? Where are they from?
- I don't know. I changed the
channel for the surf report.
- [Cash] Come on, you don't
know where they're from?
- I do.
From the capital city of
What Difference Does It Make
in the country of Who Cares Land.
- Fine, but look, you guys,
there's other places in this world
besides Palm Bay, all right?
And they have awesome stuff like castles
and kings and queens.
- Speaking of queens, my
brother said he could hook us
up over there at El Burrito Queens.
- Great.
- Oh, excellent.
I'll be covered in zits
by the end of the summer.
- Come on.
- Yo, man. That's what I'm talking about.
You know, I'm not gonna
spend the rest of my life
in this town making
beef and bean burritos,
when there's a whole world
of opportunity out there.
- Yeah, well, maybe we
don't have to make burritos.
- Yeah, that's it. Keep talking, CT.
(gentle orchestral music)
(sun roof whirring)
- Lady Galina, what are you doing?
- Galina.
(upbeat rock music)
- Serfs, peasants, cretins.
Wow.
- Wow.
- Man, no one listens to me anyway.
- Come on, Cash.
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey.
(club members exclaiming)
(gentle whimsical music)
(gentle suspenseful music)
- Oh, yeah.
Now this is what I'm talking about.
(Cash laughs)
Hello? Princess?
- Baumgarten, is that you?
- Uh, no, it's your bellboy, me.
I got your lunch.
- Ah, please do be certain that the port
has exactly two pinches of cinnamon.
The previous servant
only brought one pinch.
- All right.
Uh, it smells like two to me.
- Excellent. And I expect
it to be piping hot.
- Uh, by the way, your
High Royal Prince guy,
you wouldn't happen to know which suite
the princess is staying in would you?
- Simply walk into the the hall
and follow the nearest
blast of Arctic air.
- Uh, thanks. I guess.
- Wait, you've forgotten your-
- Sorry, dude, I forgot my board.
(whimsical music)
- Astonishing.
- Totally.
- We are nearly identical.
- Yeah, it's like we're
clones or something.
But you're not from around here.
You're, you're definitely
from out of town.
- I am the prince of Gelfland.
- Cool.
- And you, are you employed
at this resort as a servant?
Your clothes, they,
they do not seem to fit.
Your tailor should be
reprimanded immediately.
- Uh, no, dude.
It's supposed to be like that.
It's, it's a surfer thing.
- A surfer. A real American surfer?
What is your life like?
- It's a real hoot, Prince.
- And your name?
- Tom. Tom Canty.
But my friends call me Cash, 'cause, uh,
we're gonna have a lot of it one day.
- How did you get here, Cash Canty?
- You're holding it, dude.
(Edward gasps)
- Champion.
I'd give anything to ride upon this.
- Go ahead.
- No, but I'm not allowed to leave here.
- You wanna ride it? Go out and ride it.
- But I...
- Don't be such a wuss.
- Prince Edward of Gelfland is not a wuss.
- Yeah.
(walkie-talkie buzzes)
- Yeah, we got a 47B in estate three.
- Armed intruder.
- Yeah, leaky faucet.
- Sounds like a job for the new guy.
- (laughs) Yeah, get on it.
One Adam 12, we got an officer down.
(walkie-talkie buzzes)
- What if someone should enter this suite
while you are occupied?
- You kidding? I'll be the man.
If somebody wants to come
in here, I'll just yell,
"Prince wants his privacy. Bite me."
Yeah.
- Yeah, I doubt I would utilize that
particular phraseology under
even extreme circumstances.
- Oh, all right then,
uh, what would you say?
- I would appear quite unhappy
then simply utter the word dismissed.
- Oh, okay, cool.
Well, if anybody downstairs
gives you any problems,
you can just say whatever.
- Say whatever comes to mind.
- Uh, no.
"Whatever."
- Whatever?
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
- Uh, whatever?
- Dismissed. (clears throat)
- Hey, you.
You think you can sneak around here
without my knowing about it?
You got another thing coming, my friend.
- I'm merely going for a stroll.
- All right, that does it.
I need backup here in
sector one immediately.
Do you copy?
- Sir, sir, really I-
- Dean.
- It's not...
- Look, just get lost, kid.
Before I have to throw
your sorry butt in to jail.
- Uh, yes, yes.
I, I will get lost to explore this land,
this land that I love.
I will climb upon my skateboard
and roll right into the heart of America.
- Go.
- Yes.
(Edward thuds)
- Ooh.
(Edward exhales sharply)
- Perhaps I shall walk
into the heart of America.
(gentle bright music)
- Whatever.
Dean.
Dean?
(Cash laughs)
Oh, man.
(electric blues guitar music)
(traffic rumbling)
(horns beeping)
- Dun, dun, dun.
You're going down, Prince Cash.
I don't think so, Dougie.
You're going down.
(Cash singing)
Dismissed.
Dismissed.
Dismissed.
(bright energetic music)
(cans rattling)
(Edward gasping)
- [Alarm] Step away from the car.
(alarm blaring)
- Oh, yes, this must be the problem.
This must be jammed in this
spot. Let me get this off here.
Hello, yes.
Oh, um, hmm.
I see why you might be upset,
but understand that there's
no harm taking place here.
We're being rational American
citizens who understand
our finest judiciary concepts
of innocent until proven guilty.
Whatever?
(tense brooding music)
(Edward groans)
(tense suspenseful music)
(alarm blaring)
- [Melissa] Cash, are you okay?
- I believe my head has
suffered a contusion
based on the impact.
- No, we gotta jam.
Whoa.
Come on, let's go.
Run, you spaz.
(tense suspenseful music)
Run.
- My lady, surely you jest.
- [Melissa] Why are you talking so weird?
- Nothing will get me on that wheel board
for a suicidal journey
down that concourse.
- Wanna bet?
- Whoa!
(tense suspenseful music)
(Edward shouting)
(Edward crashes)
(door knocks)
- Oh, Minister, please come in.
What can I do for you?
- What's this my guards
tell me about a disturbance?
- Oh, that. That.
That was nothing.
It was just a minor
incident. Some local kid.
Listen, you have nothing to worry about.
We have your back covered.
- Well, from this moment on, we will, uh,
watch our own back.
Thank you.
- Sir.
If I may, our security staff is,
well, they're very capable.
Tell you the truth, I
would feel much better
if I could work with your
guards to keep you safe.
- How you and your inept
band of merry men feel
is not my concern.
- I see.
Okay, I'll level with you.
I used to be a cop.
And, you know, the only people who didn't
want us around were the people
who had something to hide.
- But, um, you are not a cop now, are you?
- No, I'm not.
- Well, then why don't you be a good boy
and go back to your post
and let the experts protect the royals?
Good day.
- You're royal all right.
You're a royal pain in the...
(gentle menacing music)
- My dear sir.
In order for our deal with
Funlimited to be consummated,
I shall of course
require the payment to be
in Gelfland bills.
- Oh, what's up, guys?
(gentle whimsical music)
Prince says right hand up.
Prince says left hand up.
Prince says right foot up.
Prince says hop up and down.
Prince says shake it. Yeah.
Prince says slide.
Prince says slide.
Right foot up.
Dang. You guys are good.
(hands smack)
- One might have given me instructions
on how to properly stop
this hellish contraption.
- Don't be such a wuss.
You stopped, once you hit the lawn
and the tree and the
fence and the rose bushes.
- The people of this land
certainly seem a bit...
Testy.
- This land?
What is wrong with you?
- Wrong? What do you mean?
- You've been talking like some geek
out of a Shakespeare play.
- No, no. I'm Cash.
Cash Canty.
Typical American boy.
Um, that is, dude.
- Well, at least you made it home.
(helicopter whirring)
(dog barking)
- Home.
- You wanna hang?
- Hang what?
- Okay, you want me to bail?
- Uh, whatever.
- Fine.
Whatever.
Take an aspirin and maybe
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
(Edward stammering)
- Also, I have scheduled our first meeting
with the director of the
American Trade Consortium.
- Excellent.
I will stress that I
will accept no charity
nor surrender autonomy.
- Rest assured that I
shall express your wishes
to the consortium.
But...
Your task, my Queen,
should be to generate publicity
for our cause.
- Is that more important
than my attending the negotiations?
- Well, in many ways, yes, my Queen.
You see, the Americans
will not vote for trade
with a land which they
fear potential hostilities.
And to the American public,
you are Gelfland, my Queen.
And everything that you do
while you are visiting here
should reflect positively upon our land.
- (sighs) For Gelfland.
- Yes.
Very wise, my Queen. Very wise indeed.
Breakfast with the Palm
Bay Historical Society
at seven o'clock.
Then a tour of the Natural
History Museum at 10:15,
lunch with the delegates
from the Association of w*r Widows, 12:35.
At 2:20, photos with the mayor.
At 3:45, you are responsible
for hosting c*ck
with the North American
Trade representatives.
This evening's event will involve...
(gentle pensive music)
- [Cash] I'm old enough to dress myself.
Be gone.
- My Prince.
(door knocks)
My Prince, is there something wrong?
- I look like my crazy Aunt Beatrice.
- You do not have a crazy Aunt Beatrice.
You have a crazy Uncle Beatrice.
But we are not to speak of that one.
- Look, Boomgarden.
- Baumgarten, my Prince.
- Yeah. Whatever.
- Are you feeling well?
- Well, look, it's been fun and all,
but I need to tell you that
I mean, I'm really, really-
- I hope you're happy, you royal buffoon.
Because you probably whined like a baby
about what happened in the limo,
your mummy's little puppet boy Kratski
banished us to our rooms.
Now I have to stare at
your whiny little face.
(door slams)
- She digs me.
- You were about to say that
you're not really, really what?
- I'm really, really looking forward
to a cool, um, pleasant week.
- Perhaps we should
call the royal physician
and have him give you a complete physical.
- Um, dismissed.
(answering machine beeps)
- [Johnny] Oh, hi, um, this is dad.
Um, I guess you'll be happy
to know I, I got that job
at the Windsor Resort.
Unfortunately, I'll be working all night.
All right, you stay safe, son.
(answering machine beeps)
(phone rings)
- [Answering Machine] Hello,
you've reached the Cantys.
You know what to do. Bye.
(answering machine beeps)
- [Cash] Uh, hey, Dad. It's me.
I'm just calling to say
that everything's cool
and I'm gonna be spending
the night at my friend,
um, Eddie's.
I'll see you later. Bye.
(answering machine beeps)
(dog barks)
(gentle melancholic music)
(Queen gasping)
- Edward?
(Queen sighs)
Sleep well, my son.
(gentle melancholy music)
(gentle sanguine music)
(Queen laughs)
- (chuckles) I'll tell you what,
I'm gonna give you a 9.5 for the twirl,
but not gonna get gold
'til you nail that landing.
(Queen laughs)
- Thank you.
- No, I'm the one who
should be thanking you.
- Why?
- You're the first person
who's smiled at me all day.
- Oh, that's hard to believe.
- Well, you know, being a security guard,
it's one of those invisible jobs.
People don't really see
you 'til they need you.
- Oh, I'm sure they need you all the time.
- Well, actually today I did respond
to several code 47Bs.
- Really?
- Yeah, that's the truth.
- Well...
I've gotta go.
- Twirl on back to your room.
Watch the landings. (laughs)
All right?
- Wait a minute.
What's your name?
- My name?
- Where I'm from, when one saves a lady,
one tells a lady his name.
- Johnny. Johnny Canty.
- Well, it's, it's nice
to meet you Mr. Canty.
- So are you with the
people from Gelfland?
- Yes.
- Do you work for the queen?
- Yes. I, I am, uh,
her personal assistant.
- Did you know that in America
when a guy risks life and
limb to save a beautiful lady
from certain danger, not
to mention embarrassment,
it's customary for the lady
to tell the gentleman her name.
(Queen sighs)
- Abby.
Abby, uh, Royal.
- Abby Royal.
- I have to go.
It's nice meeting you.
- Goodnight.
Nice to meet you, Abby Royal.
- Gentlemen, this is truly
an historic occasion.
The perfect example of corporate
and governmental synergy.
Funlimited was looking to
create the ultimate resort.
A haven for the privileged
class to celebrate
the sport of kings and Gelfland.
Gelfland was saddled with the remnants
of a soft and ineffectual monarchy.
Was, to be candid, looking for a bailout.
And now once we have, um, removed
the approximately 4,000
homes and townships
from our westernmost tip,
you will be free to break ground
and transform the failure of Gelfland
into the future of A Golfland.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Operator] Windsor Grand Estates.
How may I direct your call?
- Yes, estate number five, please.
I would like to speak with
Prince Edward of Gelfland.
- [Operator] Your name, sir?
- Uh, my name?
Well, um, Cash. Cash Canty.
- [Operator] That line's restricted.
(dial tone buzzes)
- Hello?
Hello?
Pardon me, madame.
Would you happen to know where
breakfast is being served?
- Served?
- Well, yes.
I see several commoners eating their meals
and I was wondering where
I could be attended to.
- Excuse me. Who are
you calling a commoner?
You smarty a*s surfer punk?
- Hey, what's up, Di?
- Does this punk hang with your crew?
- Mm, yeah, what can I say?
We haven't got him quite trained yet.
- Well, I'll tell you what,
you keep working at it.
So, uh, how's your mom?
- Ah, she's cool. You're
coming on Saturday, right?
- Definitely. Okay, I'll check you.
- Later.
- (sighs) Thank you.
Twice now you have appeared
as from the heavens
to save my life.
- Twice? Oh, come on, Cash.
I've known you since third grade
when you barfed on my Keds.
- Yes, when I barfed on your Keds, miss...
Miss...
- Wow. You have lost it.
Mel. My name is Mel.
- Mel, yes, of course.
It is a decidedly odd name
for such a lovely young lady.
- Okay, now you're hallucinating.
- Mel, do not underestimate yourself.
In the time that I've known you,
I've witnessed your acts of intelligence,
resourcefulness, and compassion.
- Wow, that smack on the
head really freaked you out.
Okay, how many fingers am I
holding up and is it blurry?
- [Cash] A quiz?
- [Baumgarten] Shall I begin?
- I'm on the edge of my seat, B man.
- A common man finds a bag
filled with $4 million in cash.
- Huh?
- Cash.
- What do you mean by that?
- Money. Cash.
- Yeah, right, of course.
Right. Go ahead.
- Question. Should he keep it?
- Of course he keeps it.
Possession is 9/10 of the law.
Thy finders are thy keepers.
- Ma'am, you have exactly 30 minutes
until your tour of the museum.
- (sighs) More foolish
pomp and circumstance.
- Ma'am?
- I should be assisting the minister
in the negotiations of the consortium.
But no, I'm gonna be
surrounded by journalists
who fancy my photograph
because for some reason
they feel a woman is more attractive
with a crown than without.
If I were king, things
would be very different.
- Yes, Ma'am.
- What is that?
- It's an American
periodical, your Highness.
I confiscated it from Ms. Galina.
Photographs of impossibly thin women
dressed in something they
refer to as casual chic.
- This periodical is a fragrance.
- I believe there are
perfume samples within.
Minister Kratski was right.
This is a morally degenerated nation.
- Of course it is.
- Now why are you guys
always messing around?
- We want you outta here, punk.
- Well, we're kicking here.
Hey, man.
- [Bully] What's your problem, man?
- Hey, man, why don't you stop tripping?
- Hey, you owe me 200 bucks
for denting my mustang, Canty.
- I damaged your horse?
- It's over now, man.
- Uh, CT, There's something
I need to tell you.
- [CT] No one messes with Cash.
- Interesting.
Um, you seem to have all
of the material things
you could possibly desire.
However, your anger towards these people,
um, or rather towards us
seems to stem from your own insecurities.
(skateboard thuds)
If you are bored with having it all,
then perhaps the problem is
not with your social class.
- Shut up, trash.
- The problem is with you.
You are nothing but frightened cowards.
(tense suspenseful music)
(Edward groans)
(metal clangs)
- Whatever.
- Man, why'd you let him
push you around like that?
- CT, Cash is a little off his game.
He took a pretty big spill
yesterday. Are you okay?
- Hey, Cash.
I gotta tell you, man,
you look pretty pathetic
letting that dude walk all over you.
- Why don't you shut up, CT?
Kicking that loser's butt
doesn't mean we win anything.
Didn't you just hear what Cash said?
- No, I couldn't hear.
I was too busy watching
his face hit the pavement.
- Please, do not argue.
- If I would've known
Cash was gonna sketch out,
I would've dropped that dude.
- Really, you do not understand.
- [CT] Oh, really?
- From where I stood, you were
too busy wetting your pants
to do much of anything about it.
- You want some of this?
- I'm gonna bury you.
- I'm not Cash Canty.
- What?
- What?
- I am Prince Edward of Gelfland.
It is a long story,
but essentially your friend Cash and I
have exchanged identities.
- Oh, I see.
So that's why you said all
those sweet things about me
because you're not Cash,
you're not yourself.
- Well, in a sense, yes, you are correct.
Ow.
- You're a jerk.
You finally say something nice about me
and you make a big joke about it.
- Miss Mel, I really am
the Prince of Gelfland.
- You're a jerk, Cash.
- Miss Mel, please wait.
Miss Mel, wait.
(gentle serene music)
(birds chirping)
- [Queen] Hi.
- Abby.
- Wow, what a surprise.
- Wow.
Oh, you're stunning.
No, really. You do. You look great.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I was, um...
Thanks, I was, I was going
for casual chic. (laughs)
- Tell you what, you nailed it.
- Thanks.
- So, uh...
Are you here by yourself?
Or, that's not what I mean.
Does your husband also
work for the royal family?
- Oh, oh, no.
He, uh, well, he, he used
to, but he, he passed on.
- Oh, sorry. No, I understand.
My wife, she passed.
- Oh.
- I suppose you're pretty busy right now
since you're working for the queen.
Uh, do you need a break?
- A break?
Yes, I, I need a break.
Do you need a break?
I mean, uh, maybe we could,
maybe you take your break
when I take my break.
- My shift just ended.
(Queen laughs)
- Good.
- Okay, now it's my turn.
- Go ahead.
- Which great king said,
"A kingdom governed by fear must collapse.
But a kingdom guided by compassion
will surely survive."
- King Arthur.
- No, your father, the late King James.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
I mean, he used to tell
me that all the time.
- He made that speech
before you were born.
- I saw it on video?
- My Prince, there is-
- All right, now it's my turn.
You gotta try it.
- Oh, I, I don't know if
I could the, the smell.
- Look, after the butler risked his life
to smuggle this in here, you
better give it a try, man.
(tense menacing music)
- Flat, smelly and greasy.
- My lady.
I can explain everything.
- Not to worry, Baumgarten.
I was referring only to the prince's hair.
- Care to join us? Um,
Baumgarten was just leaving.
- I was just leaving.
(Galina sighs)
- How disgusting. Breaking
bread with your servant.
You don't have any class at all, do you?
- Maybe that's what keeps
you coming back for more.
You're attracted to the bad boy in me.
- Ha. Don't make me laugh.
- Hey.
You can play the ice
princess all you want.
I'm not impressed.
(door slams)
- Well, I never had anything that exciting
happen with, with Edward except the time
when he was a young boy and
he thought he was a bird
and he wanted to fly out of the window.
- (laughs) Hope he didn't attempt it.
- No, no, I just told him
to wait 'til he was 16
and he'd get his own jet.
(Johnny chuckles)
- Yeah, yeah.
- I, I was just kidding.
- I know.
(Queen laughs)
- Uh, may I ask you something?
- Anything.
- What is mini-golf?
(bright upbeat music)
- So what brought on this drastic change
in your, for lack of a
better word, personality?
- The smog. I think it
causes temporary amnesia.
- Sounds like an improvement.
- Wow. You really don't dig me, do you?
- If that as*ault on the English language
means that I detest you,
then yes, you are correct.
- But why? I mean, look at
all this cool stuff I got.
And I'm a prince.
I mean, doesn't everybody
love a cool prince?
- Okay.
I will play along with your amnesia.
One of the many reasons why I dislike you
is because upon your 18th birthday,
you and I are to be married.
- Married? Like, married, married?
- Not, like, married, married.
Really married, married. (sighs)
- How do you know you're
gonna wanna get married?
How do you know you're even
gonna like me in a couple years?
- My point, exactly.
- Ah, and that's why you hate the prince.
I, I mean me.
- I hate being told what to do,
how to act, what to think,
and especially who to love.
- Then why do you do it?
- Because those are the
ways of Gelfland royalty.
The laws of Gelfland never change.
- That's harsh.
Who says that the laws
of Gelfland can't change?
- What do you mean?
- Well, I'm saying let's
slap down one of those laws
right here, right now.
- You can't be serious.
Minister Kratski was adamant about-
- I thought you didn't
like being told what to do.
- Is that a dare, Prince Edward?
- You bet your sweet tiara.
(bright ethereal music)
(waves crashing)
- What are you doing here?
- Melissa, wait.
- Get the hint. Leave me alone.
- Earlier I was just trying to explain-
- Go, get lost.
- I am simply trying to explain
why I'm acting differently.
- I know why.
Look, it doesn't matter
how hard you hit yourself
in the head.
You can't just bring someone in closer
to push them away again.
Hey, what are you doing?
Give me that. Give me that.
- You, you drew those beautiful pictures?
- Oh, not only does he use big words,
now he's a keen sense of observation.
- I, I did not know
that you were an artist.
- Yeah, well, add that
to the list of stuff
that nobody knows about Mel Hendrick.
- Have you had arts instruction?
- No, some things you learn by just doing.
- Then making mistakes,
that is part of the process.
- I suppose so.
- Then I want to learn the right things
to say to you, Miss Mel.
The things to make you smile,
to help you realize what a
wonderful young woman you are.
- And I'm supposed to believe this?
- Please believe it, because it is true.
- And how long will this last?
- Uh, I will not be in
the city for much longer.
- No, I know.
You have to move on to bigger
and better opportunities.
What's going on with us?
Why is everything changing between us?
- As I told you, I'm
not who you think I am.
- Oh, please.
- As you wish.
- Would you just stand still a minute?
(gentle bright music)
(Queen and Johnny laugh)
- It's a good-
- After watching you
play, give me a break.
- It's a good thing we
were not playing polo
because you would be a
dead man by now. (laughs)
- Abby, I would love to take you
someplace really special.
A real date. No more corn dogs.
I swear. Sorry.
(Queen laughs)
- I'd love that.
- Yeah. All right.
Well, I happen to know this
great little restaurant.
Really, it's, it's just right down here.
It's on the beach. We could,
uh, put our feet in the sand.
Smell the ocean, listen to the waves.
- That sounds so romantic.
- Great. I'm off tomorrow night.
- I'm, um, I'm leaving tomorrow night.
- Tonight then.
- You sure?
- I'm, I've never been sure about anything
like I am about this.
I'll pick you up at your room tonight.
- Great.
- Great.
- No, um, I'm gonna meet
you right here tonight.
- Listen, Abby, I'd
feel much better if I...
- I'll be here tonight.
I wouldn't miss it.
- Neither would I.
(Queen laughs)
(tense brooding music)
(door creaks)
- Hey, Vince, that you? Listen.
I was wondering if I could start my shift
an hour later tonight.
- Now why is that, Mr.
Canty? Got a hot date?
- Uh...
What are you doing here?
- Just a little light reading
about Queen Albertina of Gelfland.
But I believe you know
her better as, um, Abby.
Abby. Such a ridiculously common name.
But then again, that is her game.
- What is this?
What game?
- Well, the queen is a bit,
uh, restless, I'm afraid.
With unlimited money and
power at her disposal,
she tends to get a bit bored.
She lays that boredom by seeing
how many unsuspecting men
she can seduce by pretending
to be someone else.
Evidently, she likes to,
as you Americans say, go slumming.
In Rome, it was a garbage man.
In Paris, a busboy, in Milan-
- All right. That's enough.
- What? No thank you?
I just saved you a great deal
of embarrassment and humiliation.
- (sighs) Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm sure you did it out
of the goodness of your heart.
(Kratski chuckles)
- [Melissa] All your
talk about opportunity
and getting outta Palm
Bay got me to thinking.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It'd be great to go study
art in Italy or Paris.
- Wow, yes. Then that's
what you should do.
- (scoffs) Right.
I'd have to work about 4,000
summers at El Burrito Queen
to afford it.
- There are other ways.
You should not give up your dreams.
- Dreams are great,
but sometimes you gotta
throw cold water on your face
and realize you have to
deal with the here and now.
- But what if the dream is
something you really want?
- What can I say?
Some fantasies are
meant to stay fantasies.
- Are you out of your mind, Canty?
- What are you talking about?
- What are we talking about?
- Eddie the groundskeeper says
you're fraternizing with the queen.
(Johnny chuckles)
- So?
- So. So what are you trying to do?
Start an international incident?
- All right. All right.
The first thing, I
didn't know that it was,
you know, the queen.
Really.
And second, uh...
All right. I just made a mistake.
It was a big mistake.
- You got that right.
- Meaning what?
- Meaning you're fired.
- You come anywhere near this resort,
especially anywhere near Queen Albertina,
and we will have you arrested my, friend.
- I knew you were bad news
the moment I laid eyes on you.
- You're just not security
guard material, are you?
- No, you're right.
Come here.
I'm cop material.
And after working with you guys,
I'd have to say that's a compliment.
Best compliment I've ever had.
- I think he meant it.
- Maybe he'll learn something.
(suspenseful music)
- Ow.
(Galina laughs)
- Where'd you get an arm like that?
- My great aunt, the
Duchess Moore had forearms
like a lumberjack.
(Cash grunts)
(Galina giggles)
(towel thwacking)
(Cash grunting)
- [Cash] All right, all right. Come on.
(gentle pensive music)
(gentle menacing music)
- [Operator] Windsor Grand Estates.
How may I address your call?
- Yes, estate number five, please.
- [Operator] Your name, sir?
- Um, this, this is
Prince Edward of Gelfland.
Please ring my suite immediately.
- No, you drop it, prince boy.
- Oh, no, no. You drop it.
(phone rings)
No, you drop it.
- I gotta get that.
- Okay. Go and get it.
- All right, But don't
nail me while I'm doing it.
- A ceasefire?
- Yeah, sounds like a cool idea.
- Are you questioning the word of a lady?
- Prince's room?
(towel thwacks)
- Hello? Hello?
- Hi. Who's this?
- Cash? Is this you?
- Uh, this is Prince Edward.
- Oh, I see. Someone is there with you.
Well, I must ask you,
is life as a prince as
you expected it to be?
- It's a lot different
than being a surfer.
- Yes, so I've learned.
- Edward.
- It's, it's just Baumgarten.
- It's just CT.
- Edward, where are you?
- Near the boardwalk with Miss Mel.
- If Mel hears you call
her miss, you're dead, man.
- I shall keep that in mind.
Cash, we, we should get
together as soon as possible.
- [Cash] Meet me here at the resort
first thing tomorrow morning.
- [Edward] All right, goodbye.
(gentle brooding music)
- Everything okay with Baumgarten?
- What?
Oh, yeah. Everything's cool.
- A prince and a surfer then.
We must not let them switch back.
Locate Edward on the
boardwalk and bring him to me
by whatever means necessary.
(tense menacing music)
- Well, yeah.
I better be going back
to my suite, you know,
before Constance pops a
blood vessel or something.
- Yeah, right.
Galina.
If I ever start acting different again,
uh, just, um...
- Just what?
What are you saying?
- Nothing.
I just want you to keep
having fun, being happy.
It works for you.
- Uh, you know that, that law
about you and I
getting married?
- Yeah.
- Edward.
It's starting to sound like a cool idea.
(gentle bright music)
(gentle pensive music)
- Well, I must go home now, Miss Mel.
- Okay.
What?
- Nothing, um, I'm just drawing a memory.
- Come here?
- Yes.
Goodbye.
Oh, uh. Well, this must mean
that my mother's found out.
Well, not to worry.
I was just on my way back to the resort.
(tense menacing music)
(Edward groans)
Really, I can walk.
(officer thuds)
(tense suspenseful music)
- Who are those guys?
- It is difficult to explain.
- Well, give it a try.
- Well, Miss Mel, the truth is that...
(tense brooding music)
(clock ticking)
- Waiting for someone, my Prince?
Or would you rather be referred to as, uh,
Cash Canty?
- Kratski, that traitor.
- We need a plan.
- I can't believe him.
- Get over it.
- How could he do this to us?
- Hey, snap out of it.
- Astonishing.
You are truly physically
indistinguishable from Prince Edward.
- Yeah, uh, well, you don't have to worry
about it anymore, Kratski.
It's over.
- [Kratski] Oh, is it?
- What do you want?
- Well, I admit it.
I admit it. I'm impressed.
Who would ever imagine a simple
young American surfer boy
could devise such an elaborate,
uh, political conspiracy?
- Whoa, man. It was
just meant to be a joke.
It was just for fun.
- Oh, a game?
- Yeah, a game. And now it's done.
- Yes, but, uh, it doesn't have to be.
Please, try it on.
Go ahead. Humor me.
You see, games always have
winners and losers,
but with your ingenuity and your ambition,
there's no reason why you
shouldn't be a winner too.
Please, sit.
This trade agreement will save Gelfland.
But I require the signature
of the queen and a prince.
And in a pinch, any prince will do.
- What about Edward?
- Oh, actually I spoke
to him this morning.
It seems our prince wishes
to remain here in America,
right where he is.
(Cash laughs)
- Uh, I don't know, Krats.
It seems like the real prince
should be signing this.
- As far as I'm concerned,
the real prince is sitting
in front of me now.
- You want me to move to Gelfland?
- Yes.
With riches beyond your imagination.
And Galina will be with you forever.
And no one, no one will ever have to know
your true identity.
- Wait...
Funlimited.
This isn't an agreement.
It's a sell out.
I won't do it.
I won't betray my friends
just to make myself rich.
And I especially won't
do it to make you rich.
- You, uh, you refuse to sign?
- Yeah.
(Kratski clears throat)
- Well, then.
What about this?
- Oh, where'd you get that?
- You have a friend I
believe, by the name of Mel.
- Where is she?
- Oh, not to worry. She's under my care.
But if you wish to see her alive again,
you will sign that document right here
and right now.
- If you hurt her-
- Oh, hurt her. (laughs)
We're practically on Gelfland soil here.
I can hurt anybody I wish.
- You sent for me, Minister?
- Anybody.
The prince is signing the trade agreements
between Gelfland and
the American Consortium.
By Gelfland law, we require a witness.
(gentle suspenseful music)
Thank you.
(Cash sighs)
Excellent. You may go now, Baumgarten.
Call the chairman at Funlimited.
Set the meeting
at the 13th hole of the mini-golf course.
- You're not returning
to Gelfland, are you?
- I see no reason to
continue wasting my talent
as a statesman playing nursemaid
to ungrateful royalty.
- So becoming a traitor's
the next best thing, huh?
- No.
Success is the best revenge, Mr. Canty.
And when I receive my $10
million from Funlimited,
perhaps I shall buy myself
a small island somewhere
and, uh, run it myself.
If he misbehaves, appropriate discipline.
- Ma'am?
- My Queen. I must request
a moment of your time.
- What is it, Minister?
- Just a few more documents
for your signature.
- All right.
- There.
Mm-hm. Thank you.
And right there.
Very good.
Oh, and, uh, just this one more, please.
- Funlimited? What is this?
- Huh.
Yes, well, that would be the, uh,
rental agreement for the resort.
It's a mere formality.
- Of course.
- It's such fun.
- [Baumgarten] How does
the game work, Lady Galina?
- Come on, Edward, show me what you got.
- Galina, I don't think
that's such a great idea.
(object thuds)
(officer thuds)
(Galina chuckles)
That was great you, guys.
- I don't know exactly what's going on.
- Who cares?
- I'll explain everything later.
First we gotta stop Kratski
from delivering the
contract to Funlimited.
Do you guys know if the queen
has signed the contract yet?
- I could ask Constance.
- Find her.
- Yes.
- Find Albertina. Tell her
not to sign the contract.
- Check.
- Kratksi's mine.
(phone rings)
- Security.
Oh my god.
- Trouble?
- Somebody just spotted
Canty in building four.
- He's going after the queen.
- This is a level one security alert.
You ready?
(device beeps)
Be careful out there.
- You are making a big mistake, Minister.
- By the time anyone
realizes what has happened,
I will be long gone
and $10 million richer.
And you, you and your pathetic royal clan,
you will be without a country.
- Who is this guy?
- I am not the same
Edward as I was before.
- Oh, you mean you're even
more of a wuss, hm? (chuckles)
Come on, now.
(gentle suspenseful music)
Hurry up, you idiots.
(tense menacing music)
(Mel sighing)
- That guy has some anger
issues he needs to work out.
- I'm am not a wuss.
Mom? Cash?
Hello, any-
- Hey, wait, what is going on?
- I can explain everything
later but now's-
- No, now.
- Not the time though.
I'm sorry.
- Are you pretending to like me too?
One second you're Cash
and the next minute you're the prince.
- Albertina?
Excuse me, have you seen-
Edward!
- Ma'am.
- I'm gonna find out what he's up to.
Get Baumgarten.
- Right away, Ma'am.
- Galina.
- Who is she?
- Who is she?
- I can explain everything.
- How dare you.
- Galina, wait, please.
Um, I'm sorry. We are to be married.
- Wait, what?
(suspenseful music)
- Hello?
(bright playful music)
- Come on. Open the gate.
- I thought you had the keys.
- Don't mess with me like that.
- Yeah, we're gonna need the key.
- Come on.
(suspenseful music)
- Did you see Albertina?
(fist thuds)
You could have just said no.
- Wait a minute.
How, how did you get out here so fast?
And why were you wearing those clothes?
- Albertina. Look, I'll
explain everything later.
- You'll explain everything
right this minute.
- My Prince, where are you going?
- Galina, what is wrong?
(suspenseful music)
- Galina, Cash.
- Wait.
- Is it me, or is something
really, really strange going on here?
- It's not you.
(tense suspenseful music)
- Hello.
Excuse me.
(gentle playful music)
- Well, looks like we
finally have the place
all to ourselves.
(tense suspenseful music)
- Mr. Chairman. (chuckles)
I have something for you
and, uh, you have something for me.
- Hey.
- It is not a good idea to startle someone
when they're about to mount an attack.
- An attack?
- Yes.
- Edward, I demand you
tell me what is going on.
- Galina, do you trust me?
- Stop.
What are you doing, Minister Kratski?
- Why, saving Gelfland, my Queen.
- I don't believe you.
- He's trying to save
himself, your Highness.
He wants to sell your country
out to the highest bidder
so they can tear it up and use
it for a cheesy golf resort.
- Traitor.
- Ridiculous. He's lying.
- He speaks the truth, mother.
Minister Kratski's betrayed us all.
He's nothing but a criminal.
- Abby.
- Johnny.
- Will you excuse me?
Abby, you and I, we need to talk.
- Oh, I, I would love to talk to you.
- What's going on?
- Go get them, you nit wits.
- My father taught me
that it is not sporting
to attack an unarmed man.
Hey, get off me. (grunting)
- Without my intervention,
the collapse of Gelfland was inevitable.
I was merely making the
best of a bad situation.
- You are merely a common thief.
(tense suspenseful music)
- Pardon me.
(slap thuds)
Never mess with a lady.
- Hey, didn't you hear what he said
about not attacking an unarmed man?
(blow cracks)
(Mel grunts)
- Farewell, my Queen.
- Abby, fore, fore him.
(Kratski groans)
(ba*ls thud)
Pretty good.
- Fools.
I asked them for Gelfland bills.
They gave me Golf Land ba*ls.
(gentle sanguine music)
- Edward?
- Cash.
- Cash?
- Edward.
- Wow.
- There are two of them.
- Two of them.
- Two.
(gentle bright music)
(group chattering softly)
(Kratski shouting)
- [Narrator] So that's the story.
Cash married Lady Galina,
and after they both graduated
from Stanford University with honors,
they opened a special
nationwide chain of surf shops.
They became Gelfland's
biggest trading partner
and even opened up the first
ever Gelfland surf shop.
After high school, Melissa
traveled with Edward
and studied in Europe and stuff,
and they opened Gelfland's
first ever art museum.
And on her 21st birthday, check this out,
Melissa married Prince Edward
and she started getting
called Princess Melissa.
Cool.
And finally Johnny Canty
married Queen Albertina,
or Queen Abby as he called her,
'cause that was, like, a
nickname that he had for her.
And he moved to Gelfland and
he became Chief Constable.
Yeah. Whatever that is.
And they did indeed, my little grummies,
live happily ever after.
Oh, one more thing.
Minister Kratski, he was finally in charge
of his own kingdom,
passing out little short
pencils and putters.
(laughs) Righteous.
That's it.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ John says pop like
it's got four letters ♪
♪ He wears his indie badge
pinned to his sweater ♪
♪ Everyone knows that he's not better ♪
♪ He's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Suzie laughs at my leather pants ♪
♪ She's got no time for
my (indistinct) dance ♪
♪ She's never gonna
give me half a chance ♪
♪ She's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool cool cooler ♪
♪ C-C-cooler than me ♪
♪ Bob liked them before they sold out ♪
♪ He's lousy with his street wise clout ♪
♪ There just can't be no doubt ♪
♪ He's so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Ah 'cause they got no
time to tune their guitars ♪
♪ And they say k*ll all them rock stars ♪
♪ They spend their days
on drinks and bars ♪
♪ They're so much cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool cool cooler ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
(upbeat rock music continues)
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool cool cooler ♪
♪ C-C-cooler than me ♪
♪ Cool you're so cool ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ You're cool cool cooler ♪
♪ Cooler than me ♪
♪ I wish I was better ♪
♪ You're cool ♪
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Prince and the Surfer, The (1999)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters